I need more medication. Or less. One of those.

So yesterday I felt myself falling down the hole again which sucks because I usually only have depressive episodes a few times a year and I just got over the last one so I decided to plan a scheduled, elegant mental breakdown which would be set to music.  (90’s Tori Amos for the downward spiral, Nina Simone and Regina Spektor for rock bottom and Amanda Palmer if I recovered.  If I didn’t recover I’d listen to The Mountain Goats on a loop until something snaps.)  But then I didn’t even have to do that because this morning I woke up to find that I had forever changed the landscape of pop culture.  In the form of being mentioned on the Wikipedia bibliography for Hall & Oates.  It’s probably as close as I’ll ever get to a gold statue of me in the middle of the city park and so I’ve decided to postpone my breakdown until at least tomorrow and instead celebrate this moment of permanence, when my name is written forever in the books of life.  For angrily misquoting a band that wasn’t actually Hall & Oats at all.

Hall & Oates & Me.
Hall & Oates & Me.

PS.  If I ever do have a gold statue in the city park I’d like for my arms to be extended so tourists can put their babies in my arms, or take inappropriate photos of me groping their genitals. You’re welcome, city.


Comment of the day: If you could get a gold statue in a park quickly, you could hug yourself when things get really dark. Hurry.  ~ juliejulie

102 thoughts on “I need more medication. Or less. One of those.

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  1. So, just asking – how the heck did you find that? Obsessive self-googling or alert fans? Inquiring minds want to know.
    .-= Marjory´s last blog ..My Yahoo =-.

  2. Don’t get all depressed, Jenny. You’re now world famous via wikipedia, which is totally better than anything else on earth, because it’s all true. Everything on wikipedia is totally legit, even when it’s written by someone who is a liar.

    Also, tell Nicole the Intern that her blog made me piss myself…
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..Post-It Note Tuesday: I’m A Grump-A-Sore-Ass Today =-.

  3. That falling down the hole feeling– that’s called Christmas. This too shall pass.

    FYI- the copy of “Baby Come Back” that I downloaded a couple of years ago from a P2P network is also credited to Hall and Oats, so you are not the only one operating under that misapprehension. Unless you are the one who put it on the network, in which case… Wanna borrow my copy of Little Earthquakes? I find “Silent All These Years” is a good intro to a breakdown.

  4. When I was in eight grade I could only dream about being mentioned/molested by Hall and Oats. I was all “Private Eyes,” cause it seemed slightly naughty. <—- catholic schoolgirl I can't imagine being Wikepedia famous. You must have a celebratory drink or something!
    .-= JenniferG´s last blog ..End Of The Magic? =-.

  5. See? This all goes to show that depression is the best thing ever for fame. Happy people NEVER get into Wikipedia. You should be writing the downward spiral thank-you notes with James Garfield on them.

    P.S. I actually do know that falling down the hole sucks. I’m sorry. Tell James Garfield to give you lots of glassy-eyed looks that mean “I would hug you if I weren’t decapitated” to make you feel better.
    .-= ajnabi´s last blog ..Kaminey, or, Snatch the True Romance Smoking Barrels =-.

  6. I feel you on the falling-into-the-hole. Want to schedule a duet-breakdown? I happen to be in possession of everything Tori Amos has ever thought of putting out, including expensive and rare singles only released in parts of the world I’ve never heard of, thanks to my wife’s obsession with All Things Tori. I could make us the best breakdown mix-tape EVER. I could even make it by holding my boom-box up to the speakers of my stereo to record the songs, for added early-90’s authenticity. Rock.
    .-= Anne´s last blog ..Serious Pain in the Ass =-.

  7. I got a wikipedia citation one time for the word ‘ensmallen’ (or maybe ’embiggen’, I forget), because I am a dirty, dirty neologist.

    It felt very strange, but I was also triumphant because hello, WIKIPEDIA. It was a word nerd’s wet dream.

  8. If they make a statue of you, do you think they would use real gold? Or would it just be spray painted gold? Like the chick in the James Bond film.
    .-= William´s last blog ..Hip =-.

  9. Congrats!!

    Isn’t it funny how us women can schedule a breakdown? I do it all the time. I feel it coming but I always push that shit off until I have TIME for it! LOL
    .-= Michelle´s last blog ..?Merry SITSmas! =-.

  10. Congratulations on The Wiki entry!

    Now on the nervous breakdown – my thing is regular people can’t afford them.

    My favorite ode to my Nervous Breakdowns – “Lying in Bed Just Like Brian Wilson Did” by the Bare Naked Ladies. MY DREAM IN LIFE. I don’t do well with anti-depressants (lots of side effects). My wife hiwever is a firm believer in better living through Chemistry
    .-= Kevin B. Morrow´s last blog ..I’ve Changed the Name of The Blog =-.

  11. Today (ay … ay … ay). Is the day (ay … ay … ay). I discovered (overed … overed … overed). The Mountain Goats (oats … oats … oats). I may never be sad again. You should never be sad again either because, like, you help people? Especially the Mountain Goats who just sold quite a few more records. Maybe they’ll credit you with their overnight stardom in a Wikipedia entry? I don’t know. I’m reaching.
    .-= Ed´s last blog ..Swimming Pools, Movie Stars, Flaming Ears. =-.

  12. The statue really needs to include the hair dyer. It’s expected. Besides, it’d make for an interesting archaeological find in a couple thousand years. “We think she may have been the goddess of the morning. Or possibly hair products.”
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..#108 Logical Fallacy Theater =-.

  13. That is so awesome. I wish I could be famous for my misdirected anger. I have so much of it. I love your blog. Also, I would totally molest your statue. It’s kinda my thing.
    .-= mepsipax´s last blog ..Taken Tuesday =-.

  14. Congratulations on your Wikimmortality. Climb your way back out of that hole kicking, scratching, and screaming, baby.

    I’ve had an otherwise perfect Tuesday morning ruined by one of Heath’s “have you seen my ________?” moments which always result in A- being woken 15 minutes prior to my “perfect amount of sleep”, B- having to search for something that he should know damned well where it is, C- having something heavy fall on my head from the deep inner workings of the closet, and D- having the rest of my day be a complete and total write-off. I woke up in a hole of my own. This helped dig me out of it.

    You can totally add “sparing Robynn’s husband from homicide multiple times” to your list of credits.
    .-= Robynn´s last blog ..Dear Cat Lovers, =-.

  15. Ah, Jenny – congrats on your Wikipedia win, truly, you have arrived (or something like that.) Hope that helps dig you out of your hole (or something like that.) (Is it wrong when I sniggered after typing “your hole”?) (I mean, not that I meant DIGGING out of YOUR hole.)(right?)(right.)
    .-= cagey´s last blog ..Have a Heart, Tinman. =-.

  16. your music selection is perfect for the journey. But, I’m sorry, that you have to make the trip at all. 🙁

    Personally, I prefer a scheduled elegant mental breakdown over a spontaneous crash and burn. The only problem is, I never know what to wear…

  17. The most disturbing part of this post is the faux-blonde hair piece holding that little girl’s hair together. Blech! The tv is right. We do need to send help overseas. NOW! And with those shoes?! Geesh. 😉

  18. This explains why I was singing “Sara Smile” yesterday, which otherwise would have been really strange since I HATE Hall and Oates.

  19. Your blog is awesome. Your chalk drawing looks suspiciously like genius.
    Fingers crossed that your breakdown is postponed indefinitely.

  20. Can you do me a favor? Can you explain to me how to behave around my wife when she is having one of her panic attacks? She does not do a great job of communicating when it comes to this stuff and I used to try to be patient, understanding, and helpful. Then I was sort of useless and pulled the whole “it’s in your fucking head” routine. Then I moved on to a few other tactics as I just sort of fumbled along. Now we have three kids and life is kind of fucking nuts and when I sense this is where she is going I want to do the right thing. Just curious if you can share what you find to be the most helpful behavior from people around you when you feel the panic attcks gripping you. I know I can’t necessarily ‘help’ but I don’t want to hurt.
    Thanks for sharing…it was rather enlightening.
    PS – Please tell Victor I’m sill sort of pissed he didn’t buy that stuffed head on day one. That was a no brainer.

  21. I think it’s different for different people but for me what works best is this: When I have a panic attack in public Victor immediately drops everything and VERY CALMLY escorts me out and makes up something to tell everyone else. Then he acts like it’s no big deal as I have my panic attack and when I start to come out of it he’ll say something sarcastically funny that will make me laugh. Then I’ll yell at him for making me laugh during a panic attack. Then things seem normal again.

    The best thing you can do is protect her from herself and to treat her like it’s normal and okay and to assure her that everything is fine and that in a few hours this will all be over. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I know having a panic attack is hell but I can’t imagine how hard it is to see someone you love suffering from something that’s totally in their minds and not being able to fix it.

  22. Congrats on being an Internet Superhero! Now, you need to be mentioned on Encyclopedia Dramatica and all will be well with the world. 😀

    The first link is the post that made me start following your blog. But the crazy is going around… it’s got to be the lunar phase or something.
    .-= Cyndi´s last blog ..the math =-.

  23. @Jamie the Very Worst Missionary I understand naked and dance in a fountain is kind of traditional. I usually opt for curled up under my covers sobbing incoherently. :sigh: I’m in the same place folks. Mom died a couple months ago and as much as I hate her, I’m still going through some sort of shit about it.

  24. The best cure for the black hole is Mom’s house. You can’t be depressed here since there is so much to distract you. FYI, there is now a castle in the backyard bigger than my house. If you get too wacky we will just lock you in the dungeon.

  25. Hate to hear the depression crap. I am just coming off of a week long manic episode. And that usually means depression is next. Plus I can barely stand the Holidays. Yay! (sarcastic) I get to be double depressed over Christmas!. so fucking cool.

    PS congrats on the Wiki. Wiki. Wiki. hmmm. I like the way that sounds. Wiki. Wiki. Wiki.
    .-= Martie´s last blog ..And You Thought *I* Was Psycho… =-.

  26. The holidays suck, they are suppose to make you depressed after the age of 12, it’s a fact. I’d write a Wikipedia entry on it, but that would require sources and fact checking and I like to make life up as I go along so you are just going to have to take my word for it. The holidays are all about pressure, pressure, pressure. You got to shop, you got to be merry and gay. Since only 10% of the population is supposedly gay, the other 90% of you don’t have a chance at a happy holiday, except those of you are in the closet and the bi-sexuals have like a half ass chance of being merry and gayish. And trust me the 10% that are gay, 90% of are shunned by their families, so that holidays uberly suck that is why the gays throw all those lavish parties with all the booze. My point? I have no clue, just, well do the best you can because in less then 25 days you got a whole new year to explore and the holidays will be over. Maybe in 2010 you can work on your gayness and do a Merideth Baxter Birney…and why does she keep the name Birney when she divorced that guy like 40 years ago and now she is all gay?

  27. p.s. I think Birney should say she is bi-sexual because when you are doing dick for like 45 years and coming out when you are near death…you can’t own the whole gay thing…you can only be ish, and that would be bisexual. Just saying.

  28. Now that I think about it perhaps the reason I’m having a hard time supporting someone during a panic attack is because I’m getting my mental health advice from a woman with a “mangey” pig carcass mounted on the wall above her head! Thanks for the information and for sharing. There are so many seemingly taboo subjects that everyone seems afraid to discuss that would end up being a lot better for everyone if they just shined a light on the issues and allowed a frank discussion.
    .-= Pat´s last blog ..If things are always changing…shouldn’t that really just be considered ‘the same’? =-.

  29. I wish I could throw you a rope, but unfortunately I’m already in the black hole and my psychiatrist is unavailable because he just had by-pass surgery, the jerk. So I’ll just send love and hugs your way and hope it passes soon.
    .-= Sonya´s last blog ..A Crochet Christmas =-.

  30. I read this and started feeling all responsible because I just sent you an email reminding you of the hole. Then I promised to comment when I got caught up and then I didn’t because I got gunshy and I am sure that those stupid gremlins ratted on me. But THEN I read the comment about the lunar phase and I can now blame it on that. Did you know that there will be 2 full moons this month? 2nd & 31st. That means this is officially a blue moon month. So, technically all of us who dread the holidays can now cheer up and rejoice because all those things that only happen “once in a blue moon” are going to happen this month!!! It only happens 41 times a century so live it up!

    Say, “I only ever get along with my family once in a blue moon.” Or “I really only enjoy the holidays once in a blue moon.” Or “Only once in a blue moon do I feel a depression hit called on my ass, but then it just magically goes away.”

    This is the month where our dreams come true!

    Forgive me, I had to stop and vomit. When I go down the tunnel, I watch Overboard. But, I am just not that musically inclined.

  31. Jenny,

    When my wife gets all cranky I do exactly the same: just mericlessly mock something or someone until she gets over it. If that doesn’t work threatening to stick it in her pooper usually does.

  32. When I die, my epitaph will read thusly:

    “Allie: Beloved friend and person. Jenny the Bloggess is fucking rad.”

    And the tombstone will be ten feet tall and carved into the shape of a dragon and it will be made completely out of emeralds except for the fire that it is breathing which will actually be made out of real fire and if anyone gets too close the fire will shoot out and for a second they’ll feel like they are in danger but really they would have been fine because I would never actually hurt anyone for real. Because I care. In one paw the dragon will be clutching a rose and in the other will be an eagle. There will be a sound-system installed within the body of the dragon and 90’s Tori Amos will play on loop except for on my birthday because that day will be reserved for “Midnight Train” by Journey.

    Is this making you feel better or worse? I hope better. I think my point was to let you know that even when you are feeling hopeless, there are people in the world who unconditionally think you are pretty much the best thing ever and many of them haven’t even met you but if they DID meet you, they would definitely still think you are the best thing ever because awesomeness radiates off of you like sunshine and makes everyone around you feel better.

    That made a lot more sense than the dragon-tombstone analogy.
    .-= Allie´s last blog ..Boyfriend Would be a Headless, Dignity-less Torso Without Me and That’s a Really Disturbing Title Now That it’s 3:00 AM =-.

  33. Ooo I like Lisa’s ideas. Plus if the dungeon doesn’t make it better (because I am not sure that your parent’s dungeon has an Agatha Christy) then you can always cruise on over to the whore house. Who can be depressed at a whore house? I mean, really?

  34. Jens, it’s not you. It’s those damn depressing depression medicine commercials on tv! I feel so sorry for their dogs! They are making me depressed. (Just what those damn pharmaceutical companies want!)
    They make me want to go all sideways……

  35. Oh god, I’ve been in a funk for the last few days as well. But I tend to get misanthropic, not depressed. I woke up the other day in a bitter mood for absolutely no reason. I must have sat around in my PJ’s bitterly eating a bagel and watching infomercials for like, three hours. THREE HOURS.

    I blame the season. I don’t even go out and deal with people, and I’m still like “Ugh. I hate everyone.”

    .-= Rook Ie´s last blog ..Three personal stories as to why you shouldn’t ever get drunk ever (but they never stopped me.) =-.

  36. I Don’t Like Mondays by Tori Amos is also an excellent song to completely lose one’s shit to. Which is totally what I’m doing today. Except it’s Tuesday. So really? I can’t even properly lose my shit to the right music. Also, now that I’m your intern, are we mentally cycling? Like how women who spend too much time together get their periods at the same time? Only our way is probably weirder. But less bloody. Fuck this is a horrible comment. Maybe delete this.
    .-= Nicole The Intern´s last blog ..seaweed, self definition, and the frustrating deliciousness of trying new things =-.

  37. Jenny, you really are better than Mother Theresa! Think she could have handled the serious question from Pat with such sensitivity AND gone wild for James Garfield? NO WAY. You beat her, hands (or mounted heads) down.

  38. WOW! Congrats! I wrote about almost being famous because you linked to me the other day. But now that you’re on Wikipedia, that makes me EVEN CLOSER to being famous! Keep it UP!!!! YES!!!

  39. I definitely need more medication. And it needs to be washed down with vast quantities of alcohol. Sometimes you just have to do what must be done.

    Sorry you find yourself in this hole, but know you are clearly in good company. Also? I want a copy of Anne’s mixed tape. Because we might as well all have a breakdown together. I’m thinking between Christmas and New Year’s since I can blame the excessive self-medicating on the spiked holiday nog.

    (hang in there Jenny.)
    .-= Jamie´s last blog ..Why blog when I can say what needs to be said with music? =-.

  40. Fuck the hole…no really go tell the hole to fuck off. Also I am a tad cranky myself these days.
    And @dammitman you totally made me giggle…’stick it in the pooper’ You sound just like my husband…and just like Victor…not that I know that Victor has ever threatened to stick it in a pooper but the mocking thing. That is what my husband does to me if I am down, or cranky. It works and adds perespective.

    (also I said fuck the hole)
    .-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Killing the Bogeyman and Gold Plated Knees. These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things. =-.

  41. Congratulations! You’re finally famous! In case anyone could ever forget your awesome blog (which should be a cardinal sin) you’ll always be remembered in Wikipedia.

    Hope you can climb out of the hole soon and start feeling better soon.
    .-= Donna Hansen´s last blog ..Agoraphobic-to-Be =-.

  42. Just a thought, have you ever counted how many of the comments on your blog relate to asses. Not just that but especially pain in the ass area? I think you all have a fetish, gee, I knew this was the right place for me… 🙂

    I don’t really have a depression theme song, sometimes I just watch Deep Impact (not the porn version) and bawl my brains out, snot running down my pink blotchy face until the hiccups come. Hope that helps!
    .-= Marie´s last blog ..Just doing my part in the “war” on Christmas! =-.

  43. Chin Up, dude! The only thing that sucks now is that you need a total blog redesign to match that rockin chalk thingy.

  44. I saw Hall and Oates in concert once. It depressed me, too. I didn’t have a panic attack, but immediately after I felt dirty and worthless. I had to leave before Rod Stewart got on stage. One man can only take so much. Why was I there? Free tickets and a buddy with an unhealthy fascination for the one with the moustache. A friend in need’s a friend indeed. A friend with weed is better.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..Blaaaaaaaahhhhhh =-.

  45. I wish I could brighten your day the way that you do mine–your imagination and creativity helps slow and even stop that slow slide into that same dark hole. The holidays are tough. Isn’t it time for a visit with paralegal nancy? gotta go!

  46. Oh, Jenny. I feel for you, I really do. I have autoimmune issues (MINOR! GETTING BETTER, EVEN!) and very occasionally I will have a panic attack and gawd they suck. If I was nearby I’d offer you some Nancy Kapps, Paralegal-style trailmix from my purse and help you plan that statue. You know, for the city. To be nice. How many people not only merit a statue like that but also DESIGN the thing? You’d quite possibly end up being canonized for sainthood.

    I think having the hands be slightly *cupped* is going to be key.

  47. Oh yes, a Nancy visit would be just what the doctor ordered. She always makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Well, mostly just fuzzy but that is close enough.

  48. When I’m in the hole, I like to play Nick Drake.

    But what gets me out of it is thinking about the scene in Young Frankenstein where the doctor and Igor are in a cemetery at midnight digging up a fresh corpse to reanimate and Frankenstein says he’s really depressed about it all and then Igor says, “Cheer up, it could be worse” and Frankenstein says, “How could it *possibly* get worse?” and Igor says, “It could be raining” and then there’s a thunderclap and a flash of lightning and it starts to rain.

    That always makes me laugh.

    Merry Christmas, Jenny.
    .-= Mr Farty´s last blog ..A Scottish Wedding =-.

  49. I have a soundtrack in my head that I’ve reserved for special occasions like when I win an Oscar or when I choke a bitch for riding my ass in the pick up line at school. I’m sad that the occasion has yet to present itself. Shake it off and pop some Prozac…it helps me be a better mommy. Or keeps me from choking a bitch. Either way…

  50. P.S. Doesn’t it creep you out when people say that they are famous by association to you? It is like the time my mom’s ex wrote a letter to me in the ABC PUBLIC forum after we were on Supernanny, like “Hey, remember me? It’s your ex-step daddy!”
    Dude…I am not rich or famous so just go away.
    Sorry. I have not taken my Prozac yet today.

  51. OMG, No Children is our song!! Not you and me, I mean, my husband and I. We sing “I hope you die / I hope we both die” to each other, esp. on our anniversaries, because we are totally sick like that.
    Also for years (like up until two years ago), I thought Hall & Oates was called “Haulin’ Oats” and it always struck me as weird.
    .-= superblondgirl´s last blog ..Back on the internet again =-.

  52. Your downward spiral playlist is almost exactly the same as mine. By internet law, I think that means we’re related now.

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