It’s Sunday, which means it’s time for my weekly wrap-up of all the stuff I wrote on the internet when I wasn’t here. It’s really more of an excuse than a post.
This week on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a total douche canoe):
This week on the internets:
- I was listed in the “James Garfield in popular culture” section on wikipedia for like 25 seconds until someone responsible deleted it. It was a pretty kick-ass 25 seconds though.
- The Thesaurus was fucking with me:
This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom:
- I got all verklempt and locked Hailey in a closet until she promised to never leave me.
- Victor yelled at me.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-write-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
38 thoughts on “I swear I was actually working”
Read comments below or add one.
.-= Grey Street Girl´s last blog ..Camera Strap Covers =-.
I didn’t read the “Victor yelled at me” entry yet, but how is that different from any other entry…ever?
Because he yelled at me about Hailey’s beard?
The Thesauras fucks with me too, like we’re at a spelling bee and I don’t get to advance because I didn’t use a question mark at the end.
You should feel privileged , the Thesaurus doesn’t mess with everyone.
.-= Texas Rhea´s last blog ..It’s an Alien kind of Christmas =-.
The Hailey-in-the-fog picture was stellar, and proves that you are a good mom because bad moms don’t have children who look like they stepped out of a high-faultin foreign film, so just show it to Victor whenever he’s stab-worthy. And he’ll get all teary eyed at the beauty of it and tell you he’ll clean the house while you go buy some nice gifts for yourself.
.-= juliejulie´s last blog ..Ready to Ride: Francine’s First Snow Storm =-.
The thesaurus must be thinking kind of like Phoebe all, “Nestle Tol-Houuuse” versus Nestle Tollhouse. You know, on Friends?
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Courtyard Surprise =-.
Brilliant pictures. Hilarious post as always. I have nothing witty to add.
Those pictures are jaw droppingly good. They actually gave me PAUSE.
.-= Kelly Duffy´s last blog ..True Evil =-.
When are you going to start offering a “Snarky Yet Fabu: Photosphop 101″online class through the University of Phoenix?
.-= BugginWord´s last blog ..Santa, Baby =-.
I heart that facebook song so much.
When i tell people about it, i’ll totally give you the credit for it, then they will believe it was all you. Totally will work.
.-= Red´s last blog ..8th of December =-.
It’s totally not photoshop. It’s photofunia and picnik.com. Super easy.
Congrats on your 25 seconds of fame! How awesome is that?
Thanks for the link tips. You really are like Mother Teresa. Only prettier and better medicated.
.-= Suzy´s last blog ..Some Things Need No Explanation. This Is Not One Of Those Things. =-.
You shouldn’t have said anything. The Wikipedia spies are always listening.
It’s like that time my friend made up a story about how pierogis were invented and it stayed up forever until…wait, I think it’s still there.
.-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..Why Is This Blog So Boring? I mean, Recently. I have no excuse for before. =-.
When are the responsible people going to back the fuck off and stop RUINING Wikipedia for the rest of us?
I HATE them.
.-= Bejewell´s last blog ..WTF, Dan Fogelberg? =-.
Love the photofunia. That’s what it is, or where it’s from, right?
.-= won´s last blog ..Friday Fragments =-.
Re: Victor yelling at you.
You should seriously consider a career in Christmas card design. You’ve got a knack.
Adorable photos of Hailey, by the way.
.-= Robynn´s last blog ..An Obsessive-Compulsive Christmas Party Tally =-.
Hailey is adorable. Even with a beard. Victor should be so proud. And where the hell is James Garfield, Jr.?
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Why I Drink Beer =-.
Following you is like finding where’s Waldo sometimes.
Ever thought about changing your name to Carmen Sandeigo?
.-= Ed Adams´s last blog ..My First (and possibly last) VLOG Post =-.
I think it’s awesome that your version of thesaurus.com has an ironic sense of humor. My version is a realist, whenever I do a search for a word for my writing it just says, “Seriously, stop wasting your time.” That’s okay, I appreciate its honesty, candor and forthrightness.
.-= Makya´s last blog ..Something Old, Something New, Something Orange… =-.
String IS strange, come to think of it.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I need to build a robot. =-.
I have nothing witty to say except -Where’s the waitress with my damn coffee????????
That Thesaurus thing is storage.
Which, apparently, means the same as ‘strange’ so I think I’m covered.
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Sex, Poop and Pirate Vampires – just another Thanksgiving weekend =-.
Those pictures of Haily are absolutely gorgeous! I wish I could take pictures like that. And, I totally have a creepy “Uncle Ted.” He’s not allowed to touch me.
.-= Windsor Grace´s last blog ..Search engine terms are really entertaining =-.
Ah the wiki nazi’s. Like regular nazi’s with less killing.
.-= mepsipax´s last blog ..Feckin hell =-.
Re: Inappropriate things said on a first date
I have a friend who tells me his parents were set up on a blind date (this was the late 1950s). The date was a dance. The young man’s father told him, “No matter how bad it goes, you make sure you say one nice thing to your date before the end of the evening!”
All during the dance, the young man wracked his brains for just the right thing to say to his date.
Finally, as he walked her to her front door, he told her, “Of all the fat girls I’ve ever danced with, your hands sweat the least.”
It must have worked because she did marry him.
.-= TheExpatresse´s last blog ..It’s a Small World =-.
I think your daughter makes a more plausible Santa. At least she could probably be fueled by only cookies and milk, and fit down a chimney afterward.
And you are absolutely adorable when it comes to holding onto your kid. I bet you two will coast through puberty just fine. I know that every parent is terrified that they’re going to have one of those kids who just is a complete terror through the whole thing, and often times they do… But they usually come out okay on the other side.
Personal story time, YAY:
I’d gotten into a fight with my boyfriend for one reason or another, and we’d both just had kinda a rough day. Mid completely-attractive movie star crying (read: While 50 gallons of snot and tears poured out of my face while I gasped to catch my breath), I told him the story of puberty for me:
Puberty was rough. No one liked me at my new school from 7th-9th grade. I automatically assumed it was because of who I was and because of my family, (when really it was because every class is going to have that handful of kids that Jr. High kids push around to make them feel better about themselves.) I was terrified of becoming my family, my mother and her sisters specifically. They laugh too loud, they talk too much, and they tell the same stories over and over.
My entire junior high I spent time carefully making sure I chose my words carefully, I barely laughed at all, and I kept personal stories to a minimum. I wasn’t going to turn into my family. I wasn’t going to turn into my family. I was NOT going to turn into my family.
Spoiler alert: I’m 23, and I’m totally every single one of my aunts and my mom. I laugh louder than most of my friends, I’m a complete and total chatterbox, and my boyfriend has to listen to me repeat my favorite stories of all time over and over like they’re a Greatest Hits collection at a department store.
But it wasn’t the junior high school kids who were bundling me up in -5 degree weather and holding me in the back of the car while I cried because I had another full body rash. It was my mother and aunt, both who were always there for every hospital trip, every long night in the ER, every sleep-deprived night while I waited off the insomnia-triggering drugs when we finally got home.
It wasn’t the junior high school kids who brought me cough medicine and sat with me until I fell asleep again when I had one of my many chest colds. It was my uncle who was visiting, and at that time, barely knew me.
It wasn’t the junior high school kids who took the time to call me every day they didn’t get to see me and sing me to sleep on the nights I knew I wouldn’t see them for a while. It was my dad, who despite being a full-time truck driver, made sure that he knew I was there had I needed anything at all.
The biggest difference between me at 23, and me at 15, is how much I like myself now. And how much time I’m totally willing to devote to my family. I absolutely love ’em.
If you’re a caring parent, brats like us always come around. And just wait until she’s my age and the two of you realize how much you’re alike. Oh god my mother and I pulled out pictures of when we were both 15. That was scary as hell.
SO JENNY DONT WORRY. I’m sure you and Hailey will coast through any rough patches.
.-= Rook Ie´s last blog ..Who buys airport souvenirs, Is Ikea a religion yet? (I’d like to convert), And there’s a great reason why people don’t take me on car trips =-.
Yay to the awesomeness of you. This weekend, I beat all my facebook friends at Bejeweled Blitz. That. Is. All. I. Did.
.-= CalamityRobin´s last blog ..CalamityRobin: Day 4 of my 12 Days of #Atkins. Had salad w/ tuna, cheese, and garlic expressions dressing. #lowcarb =-.
Um, so yeah, did you sleep with Tiger? I know, it’s not like you’re going to admit it in a blog that EVERYONE reads. But I would recommend an extended vacation in Aruba with all the hush money he’s going to pay you. Plus, it’ll be easier for Victor to deal with when he’s having “Sex on the Beach.”
Strange = OPP You’re Welcome.
.-= MayoPie´s last blog ..Vaginas Vagina Vaginas Vagina Vaginas Vagina =-.
I totally love the picture best!
.-= pixielation´s last blog ..I’m a legal alien, like a prawn. =-.
@vodkamom she’s in the walk-in plucking her pubes to weave in the paper doily that sits beneath your cup in the hopes of you discovering it only to never come back for that endless bilge water you call coffee.
.-= upset waitress´s last blog ..It’s Not Delivery, It’s “Deliverence” =-.
Thanks for posting the facebook song…that was a riot! And Creepy Uncle Ted wasn’t my favorite response. My favorite one was the dh on the computer too much and setting fire to the house. Thanks for the big smile you put on my face.
See, I commented!!
WOW- you answered my question with your column. I am SO going to set things on fire until my husband pays some attention to me. I may end up on the news, but he is GOING TO look up from his crappy hockey forums from now on.
.-= LS´s last blog ..Gifts for Writers =-.
It may be more of an excuse than a post – but it’s a good excuse with some pretty cool links. If I say “thanks for sharing” do I get filtered as spam?
.-= Anne from Most-Amazing´s last blog ..The Amazing Killer Fungi =-.
The pictures in the fog are awesome!
.-= WildlyBland´s last blog ..HAI, Need A Card? *Grabs Kerokerokeroppi Business Card Holder* =-.
No one at AA strikes me as a shy drunk. They strike me as rambling drunks who can’t use Twitter because nothing they have to say can be said in under 140 keys. Nothing.