This week was made of glitter and razor blades

It’s Sunday, which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up, y’all:

    This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):

    This week on the internets:

    This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

    This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

    This week’s wrap-up sponsored by the teams at MamavationEarthFootwear who would totally talk you up to that cute guy in class even if he was some kind of glittery, sexy vampire that they secretly wanted for themselves.  They’re kind of bad-ass.  Also, I write all of these ads myself.  That’s probably pretty obvious.

    Comment of the day: “It’s nice to see that Violet Beauregard is still getting work,” is one of the funniest things you’ve ever written. Then I clicked the link to read on: “You all asked for it, and you got it! Violent Beauregard and Willie Wonka fans unite! The crown jewel of our inflation fetish section of the website, this inflatable catsuit is a real treat for those who love to be inflated BIG and ROUND!” I stopped laughing. Now I’m just baffled. ~ Theresa Milstein

    46 thoughts on “This week was made of glitter and razor blades

    Read comments below or add one.

    1. I TOTALLY know the guy who wrote the craigslist ad. He’s a pretty awesome marketing guy too.

    2. Loved the Craigslist ad. My sister wrote an awesome one when she broke her lease & tried to find someone else to live with her asshole ex-roommate. I would share with you, but A) I’m too lazy to find it and post it, and B) it’s long and you’re attention span is too short to read it all. That isn’t a criticism. Please don’t hate me.

    3. “It’s nice to see that Violet Beauregard is still getting work,” is one of the funniest things you’ve ever written. Then I clicked the link to read on:

      “You all asked for it, and you got it! Violent Beauregard and Willie Wonka fans unite! The crown jewel of our inflation fetish section of the website, this inflatable catsuit is a real treat for those who love to be inflated BIG and ROUND!”

      I stopped laughing. Now I’m just baffled.
      .-= Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Back in Time =-.

    4. I scope out wig shops and get a new one every year or so. I can get a good one for under $100. I don’t get the “real hair” ones because the idea kind of creeps me out. I always assume it’s corpse hair. That probably says a lot about me.

    5. I am not sure if this was on for this week, or if I linked to it from here, but…Is anyone else both deeply disturbed and slightly intrigued by the Japanese amputated boob grabbing machine? First, I love the fact that they are silicone stress balls (almost makes me want one) and yet I feel kind of insulted, and pissed, too, cause those silicone stress balls look much better than my boobs! Ugh, the nerve. And finally, I am grossed out by the fact that it looks like they found many women with perfect breasts, amputated them, and threw them in a pile so people could grab them with an arcade claw machine. Weird.

    6. No, oops it was on December 24th on the sexis site where Jenny blogged about the “10 non-returnable gifts that are probably worse than anything you’ll get this Christmas.” That was weird, too.

    7. Just spent an hour on Promtacular… I think I saw my sister there! And a lot of really awful photos that look just like the ones in my albums. To think we actually thought we looked good… and there is the lesson to be learned…
      with age comes style and taste, or we start hanging around with people who make us look good… either way it works.
      .-= Dawn´s last blog ..And to the Victor go the spoils…. or is it the Victor is Spoiled? =-.

    8. I adore The Bloggess’ prom dress (and have declared that I think magenta should always be paired with black tulle) (duh.)

      There are very few folks in this world who I think deserve higher billing than Brad Pitt, and Jenny is one of them.
      .-= kristy´s last blog ..I Want A Cousin Wanda =-.

    9. OK, so my brain looked for something logical in the latex site and instead it can’t get over that the pregnancy suit? It’s being modeled by a man. . . .

    10. Speaking of wigs and Hey Bill…did you notice he has the same 1980’s hair wings as the owl’s ear hair? “Hey Bill, Owl hair envy is so not cool…get a pink confidence wig. Cool male cats wear them, so you can too!”
      .-= LookieLou´s last blog ..A Dirty Secret & A Laugh =-.

    11. True Story: my boyfriend thinks I’m lame for reading blogs, even though he reads my blog, which makes him lame right? Anyway, we totally had a bonding moment over your latex reviews. Not a sexy bonding moment, but a moment where I told him if he didn’t stop making fun of me I was going to buy one of those latex burkas and make him wear it.

      So thanks.
      .-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..The Blood Sucking Jesus Lizard God is Displeased. =-.

    12. So I glanced through page after page of Promtacular photos, being careful not to read the text, to see if I could recognise Jenny. Nada…although that chick in the red dress looked totally slutty.

      Then I went through them again, reading the descriptions this time.

      I should have known.
      .-= mr farty´s last blog ..How Embarrassing Is That? =-.

    13. Jenny, don’t let the douchecanoes & cockknuckles @ Carnal Nation get you down. I’m a perv, but I don’t have a stick up my ass (not that there’s anything wrong with that) & I thought your SexIs piece was friggin hilarious!

    14. Jenny–I freaking love your site. I thought you might like this one: http://www.formspring.me/brunhilda. No, it’s not porn or spam. (Sorry if that’s disappointing).

      And wow, that latex site you posted is over the top horrifically troubling. Favorited!

    15. Real hair wigs are made from Morgan Freeman’s hair. Or the kitten on his head’s hair. I’m not sure which, but it’s creepier than corpse hair, IMHO.

      Also, you will probably get a laugh out of this, I have sent the term “douche Titanic” out into the internets. (For those people who are such huge douche canoes that you just can’t wait for them to sink in an epic sea of fail. No, I don’t know anyone like that, whatever gives you THAT idea?? 😛 )

    16. Wait – Jenny! YOU HAVE TO GO TO CUTEOVERLOAD.com and see the gal with the cat on her head! She’s totally stealing your thunder! It’s like she’s MOCKING YOU! Go – NOW – see!!!!!!! (*waits in the wings*)

      http://cuteoverload.com/ (about 1/2 way down the page)

    17. My favorite thing about your prom dress is that you were already capable of designing your own mad-genius-on-painkillers items of glory and black tulle.

      AT SEVENTEEN. (And also? fucking prescient, because you pre– uh, something’d Kelly Osborne’s obsession with black and fuschia by, what, ten years? Okay, I’ve suddenly thought of the world’s greatest story problem [I’m a little obsessed with story problems currently; no worries. I’ll forget to be obsessed with them in like twenty minutes] – if you were inventing that dress when you were 17, and Kelly Osborne was fixated on punk-rock color themes during the height of the fame of her dad’s show on MTV, how many years difference separated your initial desire to wear a cat on your head from the time that people invented awkwardboners.com?

      I AM IN LOVE WITH MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW. THAT IS EASILY THE BEST STORY PROBLEM EVER.)

      You’re like Gwen Stefani, but pretty and with far better wigs.

      p.s. Stop lending me your prescriptions. I should not be combining drugs at this stage, JENNY.

    18. Barn Owl Bill isn’t even holding a barn owl. I’m strangely offended by that. And possibly disturbed that I know it.

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