Today is Sunday which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up but I’m going to put that off until tomorrow. Instead I’m going to give you a small taste of what happened yesterday when I decided that we should all act out an impromptu 15 minute zombie apocalypse on twitter and literally thousands of zombie apocalypse tweets lit up the world and began trending. Then a lot of people got very confused and worried. It was awesome. I combed through the #za (Zombie Apocalypse) threads to pull out just a few of my favorites…
TheBloggess: I just lost 77 followers in 10 minutes. No joke, y’all. That’s a personal best for me.
TheBloggess: Yes, I realize it’s probably just twitter clearing out all the spambots but I’d like to think I contributed somehow.
TheBloggess: Oop. There go two more. Weird. It’s like watching zombies eat my followers. But less entertaining.
TheBloggess: You know what would be awesome? If we all started to act out a zombie apocalypse on twitter. That would be awesome.
TheBloggess: Oh hell, let’s do it. No one’s on twitter today but us anyway. Zombie Apocalypse for the next 15 minutes.
TheBloggess: Is there some sort of March of Dimes Walk today? Why are so many people walking around my neighborhood? #za
TheBloggess: Oh. Mother. Fucker. #za
Valya: Some odd sort of parade in my neighborhood. People seem a bit drunk though. #za
MildlyAmused: Looks like the electric company sent someone after all. But he’s been milling aimlessly in the front yard for 10 minutes now. Typical. #za
TheBloggess: My mailman is eating my dog. WTF? RUN BARNABY JONES PICKLES! #za
thraeryn: Trying to move as much downstairs food to the second floor before destroying all the stairs. Can’t let the cats or dogs out. #za
cfexrun: Shirley sure looks tasty today. Why can I only groan and shuffle around? Oh no. I can’t feel my special place. #za
fairlyoddmother: Oh, there goes the neighbor’s kid. That’s too bad. #za
finslippy: God, the people on my block have the worst fashion sense–so much torn denim and bloody scalps OH NO #za
DawnBlanchfield: the baby is being so sweet and extra cuddly today. She’s snuggling up to my neck and OUCH! OH MY GOD… #za
schoolofmom: Should I use a golf club to beat the baby back, or the umbrella stroller? Never mind, it’s gnawing on my ankle, I’ll kick. #za
jenn_d: okay, seriously? It is ominously quiet… The zombies won’t make it into Canada anyway – too scared of the geese #za
TheBloggess: Wait, is it “mailman” even if it’s a girl? “Mailperson”? Maildeliverer? Fuck it. This is no time for political correctness. #za
ADiercksmeier: @TheBloggess “Femailman” is what we use.
alittlepregnant: @TheBloggess But if it’s a zombie, it’s a letter carrion.
Scarbucks: why are there so many random limbs on my porch? Usually there is only 1 or 2….
DeScepter: Odd. Some bloody dude stumbling around on my lawn. Maybe a drunk driver that got in an accident? I tried 911 & got a busy signal. #za
thraeryn: Hrm. If things ever become normal again, I bet we’ll have to call these jerks “dead Americans” instead of “zombies”. #za
CreacherTeacher: There’s some sort of protest going on outside. Something about braids? They’re saying…what? “BRRAAAAIII…” Oh, eff. #za
HeadlessMom: The zombies must have stopped the 210 freeway. No other explanation. #za
TheBloggess: WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE A CHIMNEY IN TEXAS?! This is like a goddamn zombie hole! #za
ElGatoCello: Whew, don’t worry guys. I’m alright. Thank goodness that conveniently placed Deus Ex Machina was sitting there… #za
TheBloggess: Okay, I appreciate everyone suggesting “letter carrier” BUT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT NOW. #za
TheBloggess: Like, how do I start a fire in my chimney, for one. #za
SarahJaneLehoux : mmmmmmmmmaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbrains
DeScepter: I hear sirens but they’re not coming here. Must be a big fire across town or something. I’m going outside to see if this dude needs help #za
jannypie: Fuck, it got in, and is eating my flesh as I type. I didn’t really have anything going on tonight anywhaaaarghhhh…. #za
SparklySnarkery: dammit, living alone isn’t nearly as awesome when moving the heavy furniture to create a blockade #za
TheBloggess: I started a fire with vodka and a Yankee Candle. It smells delicious and my house is an inferno. Awesome. #za
ElGatoCello: Alright, I’ve hit the town armed with a shot gun and a team of living humans that can serve as meat shields should the need arise. #za
thraeryn: K, got the kids in without much trouble. Now to find the only AAA remote battery I’ll be able to get in months. Stupid dead Americans. #za
agentdani: I put on eyeliner and am shuffling around. Who knew ‘moody teenager’ was such a good disguise? #zombpocalypse #za
SparklySnarkery: thank god for having a balcony . . . clear line of fire on all the former house flippers who live around here #za
FreddyWonder: oops, can’t tweet, being called for dinner! What’s that, hon? We’re having Head Cheese…. well that’s weird. Hon’? HON”?! #za
thraeryn: YAY! Found it! Still have to destroy those stairs. #za
lnich: Wait wait, the game is back on, but the camera’s broken or something , it’s all . . . red. Is that screaming? #za
BittenUsagi: Good thing it’s after 4:20. That means the neighbors are stoned so they can’t run as fast. #za
the_patches: At home depot. Place is full of useful stuff, but hard to defend. #za
TheBloggess: FYI? Burning zombies can still kill you. Now they’re even more dangerous than ever. This was a horrible idea. #za
TheBloggess: Also, it smells like barbecue. Weird. #za
xoxoroo: its a block party! No, it’s a tea party! No, it’s Zombie Apocolypse! #za no wait. it’s a tea party.
CassieLynn: What do vegetarian zombies eat? Actual vegetarians? #za
ElGatoCello: They eat GRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS.
SarahJaneLehoux: Think I’ll shamble around someones backyard & ignore their “you okay, ma’am?”s until they’re within reach. Do-gooders taste better. #za
TheBloggess: @alittlepregnant “Zombie carrion”. I would retweet that if I wasn’t busy beating burning chimney zombies with a bat. #za
TheBloggess: And now the bat’s on fire. Honestly, this day could not get any worse. #za
freakingmuse: Why the hell are so many of the zombies burning? It stinks of burning flesh everywhere. Stop setting them on fire! It doesn’t kill them #za
TheBloggess: And now Victor’s yelling at me for setting his autographed baseball bat on fire. THE BURNING ZOMBIES SET IT ON FIRE, ASSHOLE #za
schoolofmom: Have resorted to electric bread knife/bleach combo. Now they’re dismembered AND disinfected. #za
TheBloggess: Note to self: You really find out just who you’re married to when zombies attack. Rethink your priorities, Victor. #za
worldocrap: I’m eating brains right now on my balcony. #za
SparklySnarkery: @worldocrap hold still. there’s something on your face. I’ll help you get it off. don’t mind the shotgun #za
ElGatoCello: I miss the good old days where people’s faces didn’t get eaten off their bodies while they screamed…#za
agentdani: This isn’t so bad. Brains taste pretty good. Like leftover Chinese. …wait ew. #zombpocalypse #za
CreacherTeacher: Just came home to a surprise party! So exciting! They all jumped out and…ate…my…legs. *sigh* #za
SparklySnarkery: damn squirrel zombies. those bastards are FAST #za
JenniferBWhite: So, like, the zombie apocalypse is going down on Twitter. Why do I have the feeling that ppl actually WOULD tweet the #za if it went down?
CrunchyCarpets: Can’t believe zombies woke the fucking baby up #za
AngieJustAngie: I vote to keep zombies out of Missouri. #za Actually, I don’t know why they’d want to come here anyway. #Missouri
TheBloggess: Fuck. I look down to send one tweet and Victor’s missing an arm. I’m never going to hear the end of this. #za
Tony_Hunt: Went to the church to help out there. What’s black and white and red all over? A nun being eaten by zombies #za
agentdani: Jesus, watch where you’re shambling, guys. Nearly took my arm off. #zombpocalypse #za
ElGatoCello: What is Billy Mays doing here? Oh, right. #za
maybaby: Hope the cover is on the hot tub. If zombies fall in, I’ll never get the filter clean. #za
ElGatoCello: NO, DAMN IT, I DO NOT WANT OXYCLEAN! I DON’T CARE HOW WELL IT GETS THE BLOODSTAINS OUT OF YOUR SHIRT ZOMBIE BILLY MAYS! #za
TheBloggess: I’ve locked myself in the closet with my phone, which is dying. There’s a joke in there somewhere. Too busy bleeding to find it. #za
thraeryn: If there’s a band named “Dead Americans”, I bet they’re pretty pissed about this whole turn of events. #za
TheBloggess: I can hear Victor scratching at the door. He says I smell delicious and “why didn’t I do the dishes?”. Some things never change. #za
TheBloggess: AND I just lost another follower. Way to kick a girl when she’s down, asshole. #za
gardnervh: @TheBloggess 4 more followers lost to the zombie attack. Your house and follower list are both burning. #za
TheBloggess: It’s getting dark and my phones almost dead. Also, Victor bit off my thumb so I can’t text for shit. Asshole. #za
CreacherTeacher: Houston is totally devastated from the #za. I’ve bunkered down. I guess our only hope now is to wait for FEMA. Oh, EFF.
@TheBloggess: @CreacherTeacher Yeah. We’re fucked.
@teammandy But I LIKE my brain. #za
SparklySnarkery: oh hell. zombie marvin zindler. he’s asking to see my refrigerator. NO MARVIN, YOU CAN’T #za
AngelaAckerman: #za I’m participating in Earth Hour by hunting zombies instead of watching TV. What are you doing to save the earth?
Charlie_O: Zombie JFK Jr just flew a plane into my house! Shitty pilot then, shitty pilot now. #ZA
BittenUsagi: Apartment complexes are a zombie buffet. #za
thraeryn: Note: if someone outside tells you the Dead Kennedys are doing a show, DON’T OPEN THE DOOR. #za
hasselhofford: @TheBloggess I’m disappointed at how ill-prepared you were for this apocalypse we all saw coming from a mile away. #za
Valya: The zombies…not as well-dressed. Except her…wait! Is that Oprah Zombie!!!??!?! #za
SarahJaneLehoux: Just cracked open my boss’s skull and feasted on the goo within. I’d say this is the American dream, but I’m Canadian. #za
TheBloggess: Phone’s almost dead. They’re coming through the windors. This will be my last tweet. I love you all. #za
TheBloggess: Crap. I mean “windows”. I can’t even do my last tweet with dignity. WTF, me? #za
Cecilyk: Zoolander just came on the TV; clearly, they knew the zombie apocalypse was coming. #za
Valya: Anyone else in Chicago see this!? Oprah Zombie seems to be controlling the others. They’ve fallen behind her & obey her sign language. #za
@theelusivefish: .@Valya and if everyone looks under their seats … you got a brain! and you got a brain! and you got a Brian, but he has a brain! #za
PlaguedBySquids: Now clawing at my door. Awfully impolite. There’s a doorbell, you guys. #za
daddyscratches: A few weeks ago when my neighbor pissed me off and I told him to “eat me”? This totally wasn’t what I had in mind. #za
SparklySnarkery: Only in America do zombies get healthcare, but women still have to pay out of pocket for birth control #za
ElGatoCello: I mean, I’m all about a face-lift in times of crisis, but this? Ridiculous and out of hand. I mean, at least let me keep my nose. #za
SarahJaneLehoux: Cause you have to think logistics. Too many zombies = not enough food. I’m worried we’re going into a brain recession. #za
insaneartgurl: My in-laws just called to say they’re coming over for a bite. Never did trust them. #za
insaneartgurl: There’s a lot of yelling coming from the neighbors. Can’t tell if the zombies got them or they’re just fighting again. Hope it’s zombies #za
fentonslee: Circumcision leads to zombie apocalypse. #za #i2
ElGatoCello: I decided to go with a Reuben for dinner. He was not pleased to say the least. #za
jlcs621: beware of bathrooms. you’re at your most vulnerable. they can just smell it. #za
OCTBernie: Fact: it takes 5 zombies to unscrew a lightbulb, but only 1 zombie to unscrew your arm. #za
OCTBernie: The lesson here? Disguise your arms as lightbulbs and you’ll do much better. #za
ElGatoCello: Hey now, brains are delicious. You don’t NEED an excuse to eat them. #za
@xkab: impatiently waiting for justin beeber to turn zombie so i can go all-out-alice on his ass. #za
ElGatoCello: Alright. Gonna go play Shamble Shamble Revolution now. #za
worldocrap: you know what would be bad? what if zombies could only be killed by round the clock playing of “Air Supply”? #za
CassieLynn: I would eat the people I find most annoying first, but Paris Hilton looks too crunchy. And she might talk during. #za
jason_spadaro: Not sure if it’s a zombie or one of the neighbors, but it’s chained up outside now. #za
jason_spadaro: They had an argument, confirming that they’re neighbors. They just went from captives to early alarm system. #za
Soulprncs3: What is with all the zombie tweets? Is that why they want us to turn off all the lights tonight? Ain’t falling for it. #za
CassieLynn: When I’m a zombie, I’m dipping everyone in RANCH. #za
the_patches: Managed to escape from Home Depot. +1 chainsaw, -1 father. I call it a wash. #za
delenn13: They dance…then they eat. So you have to play Thriller over and over again. @insaneartgurl #za
CassieLynn: Tearing myself away from Zombie Apocalypse to shower. Which is basically like rinsing off an apple before you chow down. FUCK. #za
@CaptCorndog: Eat the Canadians first, I hear they are tastier.#ZA
CassieLynn: Haven’t been eaten by zombies yet. I feel weirdly dejected. Doubting my deliciousness.
CassieLynn: Honestly, its like waiting for my prom date who never shows up. To eat my brains. He’s Just Not That Into You…’re brains. #za
jason_spadaro: Chained up 30 zombies during three plays of “thriller”. Got ’em. Now what do I do with them, twitter? #za
jason_spadaro: Zombie chorus line? WIN. #za #petzombie Maybe they can do “Cats”.
jason_spadaro: ISO a choreographer who isn’t afraid to take risks. #za#petzombie
jaycee: Ten years of reflexively judging a building on its defensive merits from zombies. Totally worth it. #za
jason_spadaro: For Sale: LOT 30 highly caffeinated zombies WHO WILL NEVER HAVE A DANCING CAREER. $1 a piece OBO. #za #petzombie
TheBloggess: And this is why I love twitter. #za
TheBloggess: Also, I had no idea how unprepared we all were for the zombie apocalypse. It’s not always going to be a drill, people. #za
@4vrannaday: What do you mean it was ‘only a drill’? I SHOT MY NEIGHBOR. yes. Headshot. #za
@jason_spadaro: Just checked on the zombies. They started arguing over who was more talented… For Sale: 15 highly caffeinated zombies…#za #petzombie
ohwhoa_svea: sleeping with a chain saw tied to a bat. #za
SarahJaneLehoux: All right, it’s been fun. Night, fellow zombies. Be seeing you, food. #za
Comment of the day: I’ve been busy preparing for the Zombie Goddamn Apocalypse for three years and I leave Twitter for 15 motherfucking minutes and I miss it. Thanks a lot, Bloggess. ~ Stimey