Where were you during the zombie apocalypse?

Today is Sunday which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up but I’m going to put that off until tomorrow.  Instead I’m going to give you a small taste of what happened yesterday when I decided that we should all act out an impromptu 15 minute zombie apocalypse on twitter and literally thousands of zombie apocalypse tweets lit up the world and began trending.  Then a lot of people got very confused and worried.  It was awesome.  I combed through the #za (Zombie Apocalypse) threads to pull out just a few of my favorites…

TheBloggess: I just lost 77 followers in 10 minutes. No joke, y’all. That’s a personal best for me.

TheBloggess: Yes, I realize it’s probably just twitter clearing out all the spambots but I’d like to think I contributed somehow.

TheBloggess: Oop. There go two more. Weird. It’s like watching zombies eat my followers. But less entertaining.

TheBloggess: You know what would be awesome? If we all started to act out a zombie apocalypse on twitter. That would be awesome.

TheBloggess: Oh hell, let’s do it. No one’s on twitter today but us anyway. Zombie Apocalypse for the next 15 minutes.

TheBloggess: Is there some sort of March of Dimes Walk today? Why are so many people walking around my neighborhood? #za

TheBloggess: Oh. Mother. Fucker. #za

Valya: Some odd sort of parade in my neighborhood. People seem a bit drunk though. #za

MildlyAmused: Looks like the electric company sent someone after all. But he’s been milling aimlessly in the front yard for 10 minutes now. Typical. #za

TheBloggess: My mailman is eating my dog. WTF? RUN BARNABY JONES PICKLES! #za

thraeryn: Trying to move as much downstairs food to the second floor before destroying all the stairs. Can’t let the cats or dogs out. #za

cfexrun: Shirley sure looks tasty today. Why can I only groan and shuffle around? Oh no. I can’t feel my special place. #za

fairlyoddmother: Oh, there goes the neighbor’s kid. That’s too bad. #za

finslippy:  God, the people on my block have the worst fashion sense–so much torn denim and bloody scalps OH NO #za

DawnBlanchfield: the baby is being so sweet and extra cuddly today. She’s snuggling up to my neck and OUCH! OH MY GOD… #za

schoolofmom:  Should I use a golf club to beat the baby back, or the umbrella stroller? Never mind, it’s gnawing on my ankle, I’ll kick. #za

jenn_d:  okay, seriously? It is ominously quiet… The zombies won’t make it into Canada anyway – too scared of the geese #za

TheBloggess: Wait, is it “mailman” even if it’s a girl? “Mailperson”? Maildeliverer? Fuck it. This is no time for political correctness. #za

ADiercksmeier: @TheBloggess “Femailman” is what we use.

alittlepregnant: @TheBloggess But if it’s a zombie, it’s a letter carrion.

Scarbucks:  why are there so many random limbs on my porch? Usually there is only 1 or 2….

DeScepter: Odd. Some bloody dude stumbling around on my lawn. Maybe a drunk driver that got in an accident? I tried 911 & got a busy signal. #za

thraeryn: Hrm. If things ever become normal again, I bet we’ll have to call these jerks “dead Americans” instead of “zombies”. #za

CreacherTeacher:  There’s some sort of protest going on outside. Something about braids? They’re saying…what? “BRRAAAAIII…” Oh, eff. #za

HeadlessMom: The zombies must have stopped the 210 freeway. No other explanation. #za

TheBloggess: WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE A CHIMNEY IN TEXAS?! This is like a goddamn zombie hole! #za

ElGatoCello: Whew, don’t worry guys. I’m alright. Thank goodness that conveniently placed Deus Ex Machina was sitting there… #za

TheBloggess: Okay, I appreciate everyone suggesting “letter carrier” BUT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT NOW. #za

TheBloggess: Like, how do I start a fire in my chimney, for one. #za

SarahJaneLehoux : mmmmmmmmmaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbrains

DeScepter: I hear sirens but they’re not coming here. Must be a big fire across town or something. I’m going outside to see if this dude needs help #za

jannypie: Fuck, it got in, and is eating my flesh as I type. I didn’t really have anything going on tonight anywhaaaarghhhh…. #za

SparklySnarkery: dammit, living alone isn’t nearly as awesome when moving the heavy furniture to create a blockade #za

TheBloggess: I started a fire with vodka and a Yankee Candle. It smells delicious and my house is an inferno. Awesome. #za

ElGatoCello: Alright, I’ve hit the town armed with a shot gun and a team of living humans that can serve as meat shields should the need arise. #za

thraeryn: K, got the kids in without much trouble. Now to find the only AAA remote battery I’ll be able to get in months. Stupid dead Americans. #za

agentdani: I put on eyeliner and am shuffling around. Who knew ‘moody teenager’ was such a good disguise? #zombpocalypse #za

SparklySnarkery: thank god for having a balcony . . . clear line of fire on all the former house flippers who live around here #za

FreddyWonder: oops, can’t tweet, being called for dinner! What’s that, hon? We’re having Head Cheese…. well that’s weird. Hon’? HON”?! #za

thraeryn: YAY! Found it! Still have to destroy those stairs. #za

lnich: Wait wait, the game is back on, but the camera’s broken or something , it’s all . . . red. Is that screaming? #za

BittenUsagi: Good thing it’s after 4:20. That means the neighbors are stoned so they can’t run as fast. #za

the_patches: At home depot. Place is full of useful stuff, but hard to defend. #za

TheBloggess: FYI? Burning zombies can still kill you. Now they’re even more dangerous than ever. This was a horrible idea. #za

TheBloggess: Also, it smells like barbecue. Weird. #za

xoxoroo: its a block party! No, it’s a tea party! No, it’s Zombie Apocolypse! #za no wait. it’s a tea party.

CassieLynn: What do vegetarian zombies eat? Actual vegetarians? #za


SarahJaneLehoux: Think I’ll shamble around someones backyard & ignore their “you okay, ma’am?”s until they’re within reach. Do-gooders taste better. #za

TheBloggess: @alittlepregnant “Zombie carrion”. I would retweet that if I wasn’t busy beating burning chimney zombies with a bat. #za

TheBloggess: And now the bat’s on fire. Honestly, this day could not get any worse. #za

freakingmuse: Why the hell are so many of the zombies burning? It stinks of burning flesh everywhere. Stop setting them on fire! It doesn’t kill them #za

TheBloggess: And now Victor’s yelling at me for setting his autographed baseball bat on fire. THE BURNING ZOMBIES SET IT ON FIRE, ASSHOLE #za

schoolofmom:  Have resorted to electric bread knife/bleach combo. Now they’re dismembered AND disinfected. #za

TheBloggess: Note to self: You really find out just who you’re married to when zombies attack. Rethink your priorities, Victor. #za

worldocrap: I’m eating brains right now on my balcony. #za

SparklySnarkery: @worldocrap hold still. there’s something on your face. I’ll help you get it off. don’t mind the shotgun #za

ElGatoCello: I miss the good old days where people’s faces didn’t get eaten off their bodies while they screamed…#za

agentdani: This isn’t so bad. Brains taste pretty good. Like leftover Chinese. …wait ew. #zombpocalypse #za

CreacherTeacher: Just came home to a surprise party! So exciting! They all jumped out and…ate…my…legs. *sigh* #za

SparklySnarkery: damn squirrel zombies. those bastards are FAST #za

JenniferBWhite: So, like, the zombie apocalypse is going down on Twitter. Why do I have the feeling that ppl actually WOULD tweet the #za if it went down?

CrunchyCarpets: Can’t believe zombies woke the fucking baby up #za

AngieJustAngie: I vote to keep zombies out of Missouri. #za Actually, I don’t know why they’d want to come here anyway. #Missouri

TheBloggess: Fuck. I look down to send one tweet and Victor’s missing an arm. I’m never going to hear the end of this. #za

Tony_Hunt: Went to the church to help out there. What’s black and white and red all over? A nun being eaten by zombies #za

agentdani: Jesus, watch where you’re shambling, guys. Nearly took my arm off. #zombpocalypse #za

ElGatoCello: What is Billy Mays doing here? Oh, right. #za

maybaby: Hope the cover is on the hot tub. If zombies fall in, I’ll never get the filter clean. #za


TheBloggess: I’ve locked myself in the closet with my phone, which is dying. There’s a joke in there somewhere. Too busy bleeding to find it. #za

thraeryn: If there’s a band named “Dead Americans”, I bet they’re pretty pissed about this whole turn of events. #za

TheBloggess: I can hear Victor scratching at the door. He says I smell delicious and “why didn’t I do the dishes?”. Some things never change. #za

TheBloggessAND I just lost another follower. Way to kick a girl when she’s down, asshole. #za

gardnervh: @TheBloggess 4 more followers lost to the zombie attack. Your house and follower list are both burning. #za

TheBloggess: It’s getting dark and my phones almost dead. Also, Victor bit off my thumb so I can’t text for shit. Asshole. #za

CreacherTeacher:  Houston is totally devastated from the #za. I’ve bunkered down. I guess our only hope now is to wait for FEMA. Oh, EFF.

@TheBloggess: @CreacherTeacher Yeah. We’re fucked.

@teammandy But I LIKE my brain. #za

SparklySnarkery: oh hell. zombie marvin zindler. he’s asking to see my refrigerator. NO MARVIN, YOU CAN’T #za

AngelaAckerman: #za I’m participating in Earth Hour by hunting zombies instead of watching TV. What are you doing to save the earth?

Charlie_O: Zombie JFK Jr just flew a plane into my house! Shitty pilot then, shitty pilot now. #ZA

BittenUsagi: Apartment complexes are a zombie buffet. #za

thraeryn: Note: if someone outside tells you the Dead Kennedys are doing a show, DON’T OPEN THE DOOR. #za

hasselhofford: @TheBloggess I’m disappointed at how ill-prepared you were for this apocalypse we all saw coming from a mile away. #za

Valya: The zombies…not as well-dressed. Except her…wait! Is that Oprah Zombie!!!??!?! #za

SarahJaneLehoux: Just cracked open my boss’s skull and feasted on the goo within. I’d say this is the American dream, but I’m Canadian. #za

TheBloggess: Phone’s almost dead. They’re coming through the windors. This will be my last tweet. I love you all. #za

TheBloggessCrap. I mean “windows”. I can’t even do my last tweet with dignity. WTF, me? #za

Cecilyk: Zoolander just came on the TV; clearly, they knew the zombie apocalypse was coming. #za

Valya: Anyone else in Chicago see this!? Oprah Zombie seems to be controlling the others. They’ve fallen behind her & obey her sign language. #za

@theelusivefish: .@Valya and if everyone looks under their seats … you got a brain! and you got a brain! and you got a Brian, but he has a brain! #za

PlaguedBySquids: Now clawing at my door. Awfully impolite. There’s a doorbell, you guys. #za

daddyscratches: A few weeks ago when my neighbor pissed me off and I told him to “eat me”? This totally wasn’t what I had in mind. #za

SparklySnarkery:  Only in America do zombies get healthcare, but women still have to pay out of pocket for birth control #za

ElGatoCello: I mean, I’m all about a face-lift in times of crisis, but this? Ridiculous and out of hand. I mean, at least let me keep my nose. #za

SarahJaneLehoux: Cause you have to think logistics. Too many zombies = not enough food. I’m worried we’re going into a brain recession. #za

insaneartgurl: My in-laws just called to say they’re coming over for a bite. Never did trust them. #za

insaneartgurl: There’s a lot of yelling coming from the neighbors. Can’t tell if the zombies got them or they’re just fighting again. Hope it’s zombies #za

fentonslee: Circumcision leads to zombie apocalypse. #za #i2

ASaville: Zombris?

ElGatoCello: I decided to go with a Reuben for dinner. He was not pleased to say the least. #za

jlcs621: beware of bathrooms. you’re at your most vulnerable. they can just smell it. #za

OCTBernie: Fact: it takes 5 zombies to unscrew a lightbulb, but only 1 zombie to unscrew your arm. #za

OCTBernie: The lesson here? Disguise your arms as lightbulbs and you’ll do much better. #za

ElGatoCello:  Hey now, brains are delicious. You don’t NEED an excuse to eat them. #za

@xkab: impatiently waiting for justin beeber to turn zombie so i can go all-out-alice on his ass. #za

ElGatoCello: Alright. Gonna go play Shamble Shamble Revolution now. #za

worldocrap: you know what would be bad? what if zombies could only be killed by round the clock playing of “Air Supply”? #za

CassieLynn: I would eat the people I find most annoying first, but Paris Hilton looks too crunchy. And she might talk during. #za

jason_spadaro: Not sure if it’s a zombie or one of the neighbors, but it’s chained up outside now. #za

jason_spadaro: They had an argument, confirming that they’re neighbors. They just went from captives to early alarm system. #za

Soulprncs3: What is with all the zombie tweets? Is that why they want us to turn off all the lights tonight? Ain’t falling for it. #za

CassieLynn: When I’m a zombie, I’m dipping everyone in RANCH. #za

the_patches: Managed to escape from Home Depot. +1 chainsaw, -1 father. I call it a wash. #za

delenn13: They dance…then they eat. So you have to play Thriller over and over again. @insaneartgurl #za

CassieLynn: Tearing myself away from Zombie Apocalypse to shower. Which is basically like rinsing off an apple before you chow down. FUCK. #za

@CaptCorndog: Eat the Canadians first, I hear they are tastier.#ZA

CassieLynn:  Haven’t been eaten by zombies yet. I feel weirdly dejected.  Doubting my deliciousness.

CassieLynn: Honestly, its like waiting for my prom date who never shows up. To eat my brains. He’s Just Not That Into You…’re brains. #za

jason_spadaro: Chained up 30 zombies during three plays of “thriller”. Got ’em. Now what do I do with them, twitter? #za

jason_spadaro: Zombie chorus line? WIN. #za #petzombie Maybe they can do “Cats”.

jason_spadaro: ISO a choreographer who isn’t afraid to take risks. #za#petzombie

jaycee: Ten years of reflexively judging a building on its defensive merits from zombies. Totally worth it. #za

jason_spadaro: For Sale: LOT 30 highly caffeinated zombies WHO WILL NEVER HAVE A DANCING CAREER. $1 a piece OBO. #za #petzombie

TheBloggess: And this is why I love twitter. #za

TheBloggess: Also, I had no idea how unprepared we all were for the zombie apocalypse. It’s not always going to be a drill, people. #za

@4vrannaday: What do you mean it was ‘only a drill’? I SHOT MY NEIGHBOR. yes. Headshot. #za

@jason_spadaro: Just checked on the zombies. They started arguing over who was more talented… For Sale: 15 highly caffeinated zombies…#za #petzombie

ohwhoa_svea: sleeping with a chain saw tied to a bat. #za

SarahJaneLehoux: All right, it’s been fun. Night, fellow zombies. Be seeing you, food. #za

Comment of the day: I’ve been busy preparing for the Zombie Goddamn Apocalypse for three years and I leave Twitter for 15 motherfucking minutes and I miss it. Thanks a lot, Bloggess. ~ Stimey

131 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Dude, no fair. $10 says I tweeted “femailman” first. I’m pretty sure I invented that term. I’m suing ADiercksmeier for copyright infringement.

  2. “Oh, there goes the neighbor’s kid. That’s too bad.” Best one! Made me laugh. 🙂
    .-= Tony´s last blog ..Analytics Pro for the iPhone(Plus Giveaway!) =-.

  3. Son of a bitch, I missed it!

  4. I only got bit a few times … I don’t think I caught the zombie bug … yeah, I’m sure it’s noth—arrrgghh—*cough-cough*—*wretch*…

    .-= Daddy Scratches´s last blog ..Helpful tip: Don’t go to the Emergency Room on St. Patrick’s Day. Also? Don’t try to be your own pharmacist. =-.

  5. I will forever refer to chimneys as “zombie holes” from this moment forward.
    .-= missbanshee´s last blog ..Stewie Say "Let Stewie Be Stewie!" =-.

  6. Wow. I missed the zombie apocalypse. Does that mean in the event of a REAL zombie apocalypse, I would just be eaten? Because I’m never paying attention to Twitter at the right time? This is a good warning for all those people who hate Twitter and refuse to use it. TWITTER WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE*.

    *Disclaimer: Twitter will only save your life in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
    .-= Zach´s last blog ..This is why I shouldn’t go places alone =-.

  7. Damn where the hell was I when this was going down. LOVE IT.

  8. I turned into a zombie pretty early on. I’m better now, though. Amazing what a good night’s sleep will do.
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..Saturday Leftovers: Occam’s Saucer =-.

  9. I’ve been busy preparing for the Zombie Goddamn Apocalypse for three years and I leave Twitter for 15 motherfucking minutes and I miss it. Thanks a lot, Bloggess.
    .-= Stimey´s last blog ..I Dare You to Not Be Overwhelmed by the Cute =-.

  10. Definitely the highlight of the night, until I had to explain to my mother what a zombie apocalypse is.

  11. Also: Did you know “wretch” is totally different from “retch”?
    Moral: Zombie Daddy Scratches can’t spell.
    .-= Daddy Scratches´s last blog ..Helpful tip: Don’t go to the Emergency Room on St. Patrick’s Day. Also? Don’t try to be your own pharmacist. =-.

  12. Wait, I thought Zombies were just made up. This is crazy! This is like, a huge story. How did the mainstream media even miss this?

    Oh wait, if it’s on the mommyblogs, The Today show will cover it in about 7 months. Setting my DVR for November.
    .-= Mom101´s last blog ..…but keep the old =-.

  13. Awesomesauce!!!

  14. When you start laughing like Muttly from cartoons and your daughter says, “What? Oh wait, are you reading that woman’s blog again?” it tells you something 🙂

    I’m sorry I missed the #za. I was probably shoveling dog poo when it all went down.

  15. According to 28 Days Later, I am immune to the Zombie virus thinger because my eyes don’t match, so if i get bitten I don’t have to be killed, but then I can’t touch anyone or else they’ll get it. So I could totally turn people that i didn’t like and therefore have an excuse to shoot them. Or just not touch anyone and be like Rogue. So it’s win/win really.

  16. darn! missed that whole #za thing, don’t want y’all to miss my (oh so) clever comments, so here they go:

    @theblogess I apologise, it may have been me, I may have accidentally mistaken your dog for a hot dog. pretty desperate these days

    @theblogess unless he is brown. then I may have mistaken him with chocolate. which would make it totally acceptable
    .-= arbulua´s last blog ..I don’t think the spider and the cockroach are related =-.

  17. I love you.. and all of your witty followers..

  18. You need to get a Zombie Signal…like the bat signal and last night during earth hour would have been perfect. Since almost everyone (ahem except me) participated. We all could have been called to action all over the planet and into outerspace. Damnit…I missed my opportunity to dismember all the local zombies who I can not fucking stand…the move so slow at the supermarket.
    .-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..I Have Sweaty Palms, And No It’s Not For Any Sexy Reasons =-.

  19. I was baking a freaking cake during the #ZA. Betty Crocker FAIL on this one.

    Also, we don’t own a baseball bat, and my husband keeps the rifles and shotgun trigger locked. It’s like he *wants* me to die by Zombie. Asshole.

  20. This is why I have to have a very large tote with me at all times. Zombie weapons of mass proportions fill my bag! So sorry I missed the mayhem!
    *note to self: Self, learn to tweet*
    .-= Kate´s last blog ..This too shall pass…. =-.

  21. OMG…had me laughing even more than I did last night as I watched your tweets pop up on my screen…I missed the original tweet and was wondering what “za” was…will have to pay better attention next time so I can participate…sheesh, gotta be prepared!

  22. And now that we’ve tweeted a drill, the zombies know we’re on to them. They’ll go for our internets and cell phones before brains next time.

  23. “CassieLynn: Honestly, its like waiting for my prom date who never shows up. To eat my brains. He’s Just Not That Into You…’re brains.”

    That should be “you…r brains.” I annoyingly correct people on this all the time. Y’all, I could not be more horrified if I were actually being eaten by a zombie. It’s like the tweet that won’t die. OMG ZOMBIE TWEET.

  24. A folks claim that The Tweetle is a waste of time? Obviously, they are not following YOU. Heh.
    .-= cagey´s last blog ..Somewhere Over the Rainbow. =-.

  25. You know, I’ve never had any desire to use Twitter. I have one somewhere, but have had no interest in it…

    until NOW.


    Damn it.

  26. The Zombie Apocalypse was hilariously fun! I think we need t-shirts made to memorialize it:

    I Survived The #ZA


    I Didn’t Survive The #ZA
    .-= worldocrap´s last blog ..Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Pensive Pussies Edition =-.

  27. I can’t believe I missed the opportunity to take out the people in the house accross the street, with twitter verifiable justification. WTF??!! Epic Fail on my part. Can we please do this again soon, with like 24 hours notice?
    .-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..My Most Precious History, Please, I Hardly Think So =-.

  28. These guys were MUCH funnier than I was last night. Obviously, I have to ramp up my zombie humour.
    .-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..Carl Helps A Girl Out =-.

  29. I also think I was a tad confused by the whole thing, having just happened upon it by accident really. Now I just feel really stupid, even more than usual. Which is not easy. I guess I owe you a thank you?

  30. THAT WAS A DRILL?!?!

    I’m going to have to apologize to the remaining relatives of my former neighbors. Awkward.
    .-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..I Swear It’s Not Porn =-.

  31. Just discovered your blog – love this post. You gained a new Twitter follower today 🙂
    .-= Momma Drama´s last blog ..The Level Headed One =-.

  32. I missed the first tweet too and I was like, “Oh, TheBloggess wants to know what a female mail carrier is called…wait, WTF?!” This is hilarious.
    .-= Deana Birks´s last blog ..Little less drama, please =-.

  33. That was the best viral 15 minutes of my weekend Earth Hour was a snoozefest in comparison. Way to mobilize the Army Jenny
    .-= habanerogal´s last blog ..A Quickie Quitting Update =-.

  34. Thanks for thwarting the zombies and all. But now I’m definitely not getting the twitter. Obviously they target the twitterpated among us.
    .-= beta dad´s last blog ..Flashback Fridays: How Twins are Made, Part IV-Confrontation at Mardi Gras =-.

  35. I am REALLY upset I missed this. Somehow singing Disney songs with a bunch of my girlfriends just does measure up to a Zombie apocalypse, drill or not.

  36. . . ..that should be doesn’t, doesn’t measure up. This fail was not epic, just sad.
    .-= TatterCat´s last blog ..TatterCat: Katie says I’m magic. Because I opened a locked service door. I am magic! =-.

  37. Wow. Just wow.
    .-= Tisha´s last blog ..Pub Crawl, Stag Parties, and European Rejects =-.

  38. In Australia mailmen and women are all called “posties”, short for postal workers. None of them have become infected ….yet. But I think the, Dep of vehicle registration, staff might be. They seem aimlessly detached from reality. Come to think of it gen Y have been showing signs of zombie infection too. Oh Shit, its probably best if you don’t visit Australia for a while. I’ll let you know when its safe.

  39. This exchange?

    CassieLynn: What do vegetarian zombies eat? Actual vegetarians? #za


    I’m using this at every drunken gathering from now until the end of time (or until the next #za). So glad I survived this.
    .-= Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Fun with Shufflebooks =-.

  40. I CANNOT believe I missed this.

    Yet another reason to put a time limit on my bowel movements.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Wrapping up the Week – March 28, 2010 =-.

  41. I watched the zombie apocalypse unfold on Twitter, but sadly wasn’t able to take part in it because I was on deadline at the newspaper. Oh. holy. shit. DEADline. I just realized every fucking day of my life is a zombie apocalypse. Now it all makes sense.
    .-= alonewithcats´s last blog ..Ellen DeGeneres owes me $60,000 and might be a vampire – not that there’s anything wrong with that =-.

  42. Dear Jenny,

    The Zombie Fire Drill was a HUGE success here. Please keep up the good work.

    (I think there might be a teeny weensy bit more people participating on the next run 😉
    .-= Tony hunt´s last blog ..Listening to Sam Harris… =-.

  43. That was incredible!
    Next up: tweeting Mayan Apocalypse 2012? The fire drill?
    .-= onlywords2playw´s last blog ..Groping for the right metaphor =-.

  44. I was pretty young when Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video came out and it scared the ever-living CRAP out of me. To this day, I cannot watch zombie movies or think that zombies are funny. (I realize this is a moral failing.)

    I also cannot drive past the cemetery five minutes from the house I grew up in without thinking that at any minute the zombie mob would arise and start dancing towards my bedroom.
    .-= kristy´s last blog ..Just The Way It Is =-.

  45. Why do I miss everything?!

    Love the shower/like washing an apple before eating it. That was my favorite.

  46. P.S. and to Liz’s point? We’d get a lot more respect if they were called ZommyBlogs. ZombieommyBlogs? MombieBlogs? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
    .-= kristy´s last blog ..Just The Way It Is =-.

  47. I was hiding in my shower and blaming you for letting the zombies know about Tasmania. Without twitter, they never would have found me.

    I was also realising how bad I am at hashtagging things that need it.

  48. It is so fucked up that I missed the zombie apocalypse. I’ve been training to fight the zombies since I first saw Night of the Living Dead. Me and a bunch of internet people even developed a plan to hole up in a Wal-Mart Supercenter and start a self-sustaining anti-zombie stronghold/commune. BECAUSE THEY SELL GUNS THERE!
    .-= The Great Joe Bivins´s last blog ..I’m Not Cute, and I Resent the Implication =-.

  49. I miss all the best apocalypses.
    .-= schmutzie´s last blog ..Grace in Small Things: Sunday Edition #14 =-.

  50. It was great to watch the Zombie Apocalypse unfold yesterday…hysterical! You all are brilliant!

  51. i’m a little gassy right now. look the fuck out zombies
    .-= furiousball´s last blog ..a bigger treat =-.

  52. i immediately took to my zombie fallout shelter when i saw the neighbor’s dog flung by his tail to at least the next town over. and there was a ventriloquist zombie coming on hard. i made just in time to close the cement door. trying to come down off my crazy now.

  53. most awesome apocalypse I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing from the safety of Up North. best part? pre-schooler now running around the house growling BRRRAAAAIIINNNNSSS.

    in other news, SigOther is now even more worried about Twitter… and the kid’s chances in school next fall.
    .-= jenn_d´s last blog ..how much longer will her loyalties lie with me? =-.

  54. Oh great, I get suckered into watching Cops and miss the zombie apocalypse. Thanks spouse.
    .-= Kristin´s last blog ..Pssst, kid, over here (an open letter to little people) =-.

  55. I think all local community colleges should teach classes on how to deal with a zombie apocalypse. People would be much better prepared if they did.

    Also, I think you need to make a decision on who gets James Garfield if the zombies do actually get you. I can see that there would be quite a battle over that. 😉
    .-= Jay´s last blog ..Joe Effing Biden … =-.

  56. I can’t believe I missed the Zombie Apocalypse just because I was offline reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls.

  57. Wait, Aunt Becky and I slathered ourselves in condiments for NOTHING?!

    I mean, other than the pure fun of slathering oneself in condiments, that is.

  58. OMG I can’t believe I MISSED this!!! F*ck.

    We NEED a Zombie Apocalypse Early Warning System (ZAEWS). Seriously.

    Best. Movie. Ever. About Zombie Americans and a “pet” zombie named Fido: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0457572/
    This is EXACTLY how it would be after the apocalypse ended! This movie isn’t fiction, people.
    .-= Kernut´s last blog ..My First Brush With The Law =-.

  59. I really need to stay away from your blog because I start reading and then next thing I know the kitchen is on fire . Third time this has happened. Hubby’s getting bitchy. I’m just disappointed I’ve spent years preparing a plan for the advent of the zombie apocalypse and I missed the whole drill because I put my phone down for a couple of hours. That’s it. I’m never putting my phone down again. If I get hand cancer I have to blame you.
    .-= lanned´s last blog ..The greatest woman I know =-.

  60. OMG! Did I have fun last night? I could just hug you, Jenny! I was giggling all night(and coughing because I have the #zombieplagueflu).

    And you listing one of my comments was as good as eating ice cream out of the container.

    Glad this was only a drill; next time we will do better.

    PS Why do you have a fireplace(zombie black hole) in Texas?

  61. How the fuck did I miss this?! I swear I’ve done nothing but stare at a screen for the last month straight, eating popco- oh, wait. Nope. Nope. Sorry. I was eating brains. My bad. Carry on.
    .-= Sarah p´s last blog ..Now, a message from PHubby: Cleaning your house with Karma =-.

  62. omg, how awesome … next time, someone call me, kay? I would hate to get eaten by zombies because I wasn’t paying attention to Twitter.

  63. Bet they were Philadelphia followers….Twitter has been tied up with the Flash Mob in Philly. Maybe they are zombies. I wonder if I should call the Mayor’s office tomorrow.
    .-= alyssa´s last blog ..A Roller Coaster Ride Not In The Park =-.

  64. This was hilarious. Especially the part about Canadians…
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..Um, I Ate A Pepper =-.

  65. I totally misunderstood. I thought we were talking about pizza, using the new fangled hep kid’s slang “#za”. And I thought we were talking ingredient list, like brains and thumbs and stuff.

    ….Well. I thought the pizza was good. Even if my husband’s brain matter did get a little chewy after cooking in the oven. The sauce made up for it though.

  66. Wow, I wish I twittered more. This is hilarious and awesome and I completely missed it…
    .-= Taylor´s last blog ..Baby, I’m back =-.

  67. Damn fucking timezones. Living in the future is going to GET ME KILLED!

    But at least I have a flying car. And healthcare. And smugness.

  68. Like War Of The Worlds, but funny.

    Well done.
    .-= Star Child´s last blog ..True Freedom, As A Freeman On The Land? =-.

  69. They should have a Twitter iPhone app equipped with a flamethrower. Y’know, for when it isn’t a drill.

  70. I’ve been avoiding this whole twitter thing, but now that I see what fun and how informative it can be, I may change my mind.

    Scratch that – I don’t have this kind of time.
    .-= Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Dancing Queen =-.

  71. how come no zombies in india? ohhh wait…. isnt this where it started??

  72. Now I understand what Twitter is for. Damn, I’m sorry I missed it.
    .-= Sue Gallogly´s last blog ..How to Dress a Chicken… =-.

  73. Wow. Now I’m NEVER setting my foot out of the house, or my finger of the Twitter-clicker. Oh, and btw? Thanks for everyone who missed this feel unworthy and left out. I feel like something died inside me. The message of this story: Don’t step away from Twitter, ever, or random people will come to your gate with chainsaws and you won’t know why.
    .-= Alice´s last blog ..Disneyholic? =-.

  74. […] Chuck Norris. Legend, or legendary? So, what have I learnt today? Well, not being a Twitterholic has its downsides. […]

  75. BlogHer better have pegged you for their “Rally Your Community Around Your Cause” panel. I mean – CLEARLY.
    .-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..Obnoxiously THRILLED with myself. Go. Me. =-.

  76. Ya’ll are a hoot and I love that! A Zombie Twitter Party…sweet!
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..It’s Funny Because It’s A Penis =-.

  77. That was hysterical. One tweet was better than the next. It was like a box of chocolate…covered brains. Thanks for the chuckle. Sorry I missed it.
    .-= LookieLou´s last blog ..Congratulations “I Have Cat”! Pet Blogger Support Saturday Featured Blog! =-.

  78. I may have to rethink my anti-Twitter mentality. Next thing you know, I’ll be getting an iPhone.
    .-= a´s last blog ..An open letter to Kodak =-.

  79. “They dance…then they eat. So you have to play Thriller over and over again.”

    So, it’s like, the 80s? Thank God I saved that red, zippered jacket from the give-away bag!
    .-= middle-aged-woman´s last blog ..WT: An Embarrassment of Riches =-.

  80. I missed it 🙁 Apparently the carpet cleaning machine scared off the zombie apocalypse in my neighborhood. And the dog. (Scared off that is.) My brain is safe for another day…
    .-= gurukarm (@karma_musings)´s last blog ..Support the Avon Breast Cancer Walk; Eat at Unos! =-.

  81. Dammit! I missed the drill! I am going to be so unprepared! I was off dying my hair so that I can stay in the Zombie Protection Program! So they can’t find me this time….I mean, uh…yeah, totally. I was watching a thing in the Mayan’s and how they totally disappeared…it was Zombie’s people! that’s what happened to them! They were all eaten by zombie’s! It’s so obvious! The 2012 thing? ZOMBIE REVOLUTION! I’m just saying.

  82. Just fucking awesome. Sorry I missed out!

  83. this is almost (almost) enough to make me wish I twittered!
    damn this was a hoot to read.

    and I first heard “femailman” in a simpson’s episode years ago. fwiw.
    .-= pvz´s last blog ..family: double-definition tuesday (birthday edition) =-.

  84. 84

    You need to give 24 hour advance notice of the next zombie apocalypse party so everyone can attend. It’s just polite.

  85. This is the kind of shit I wish I had come up with! Fucker…
    .-= Pamela @ 2 Much Testosterone´s last blog ..Exhale With Me Monday – – as loudly as you wish {A NEW MEME} =-.

  86. Oh holy hell. I’m sad I missed it.
    .-= Kendahl´s last blog ..SkinMD Discount Code! =-.

  87. This is relevant to my interests.
    .-= zombie rotten mcdonald´s last blog ..Why Was This Doctor Different Than All Others? =-.

  88. I can’t believe I totally missed this twitter event. I’m all about the zombie apocalypse. Also, I was at a nursing home. You can’t get better than that. I wouldn’t have even had to run fast, just faster than the old people and their walkers…

    .-= Spot´s last blog ..Weekend fun and how Lu isn’t cool. =-.

  89. See Twitter, you CAN save the world.
    .-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..I’m pretty sure I’m Destined for Raver Hell no matter how much indie rock I listen to =-.

  90. Ohmieffin’god…this was hilarious. Have any of you seen the movie Fido? You might want to rent it or something!


  91. While you guys were on twitter, I was out having a ball with a nine iron and some throwing stars I bought online. I even used a slap chop on a couple. We should do it again. You know, when you get bored. I’m flexible so whenever.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..I’d Like To Introduce You To Me. And My Son. =-.

  92. 92

    I’d buy a calendar with a picture of post-zombie apocalypse sexiness starring Jenny The Bloggess. In fact, I’m not buying any other calendar next year. And if you’re not in that one, I’ll just never know what day it is.


  93. Wait, that was all just make believe? Damn. Now I’m going to have to go next door and apologize.
    .-= Captain Dumbass´s last blog ..Tastes Like Chicken =-.

  94. squirrel zombies are my worst fear now. right after oprah zombie. thanks.
    .-= ericka´s last blog ..product review: earth balance natural buttery spread =-.

  95. Fuck.
    I started reading this without realizing it was only fiction———-but not before I was convinced that the Bush Administration was back in power.

    Don’t do that to me.

    . . . at least I now know that eyelinered-shuffling “moody teenager” is an excellent disguise. Thanks, agentdani. I feel safer already.

  96. I never had much use for twitter. But after this awesomeness, I think I may start an account. Twitter should pay you for all the advertising you do for them!

  97. I may have to rethink my Twitter dislike if Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Drills are going on. I mean I’m sure my neighbor’s knew and didn’t invite me…fuckers.
    OMG they are Zombies!! I knew it.
    .-= Catootes´s last blog ..girl’s night out =-.

  98. too, too funny! And I’m loving some of the wicked wits out there – the “GRAIIIIIIINS” and the “letter carrion” comments were my favorites!
    .-= Jean´s last blog ..The Camp Garden =-.

  99. Jesus fucking shit balls, I step away from twitter for one day and this is what I miss. I have so much advice to give on zombies. Like how to close your chimney and fire is not your friend.
    .-= mepsipax´s last blog ..Manic Monday =-.

  100. Hey there,

    Oh man… someone must have been chewing on my brain cause I soooo missed out on this!!!
    .-= Metallman´s last blog ..The Death of Entrecard =-.

  101. I kinda want to keep a printout of this in my back pocket at all times…just in case I’m having a bad day and need a pick-me-up. Zombies and The Bloggess are always a good time.
    .-= mrs chaos´s last blog ..I Should Just Apologize Now For the Mention of Puke =-.

  102. I am really sad I missed this. But I was protecting my brains.
    .-= Aimee Greeblemonkey´s last blog ..A New Way of Thinking =-.

  103. Where the eff was I when this was all going down?
    .-= Katlin´s last blog ..An Episode for All Moods =-.

  104. This explains why my neighbor’s baby crawled over to my house and attacked me.
    .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I was kidnapped by a handsome Knight =-.

  105. I don’t tweet or twit or whatever it’s called. But this post makes me wish I did!
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..One Hand On My Keyboard And The Other Is Giving A High Five =-.

  106. […] was supposed to be posted on Sunday but I was busy with the Zombie Apocalypse and gardening.  Kidding. I don’t garden.  And now…the weekly […]

  107. And I thought “Zombie Farm” on my friend’s iPhone was bad ass. Turns out, I can play with Zombies anywhere!

  108. […] For now, I’ve tread the line that divides passionate interest and crazy belief very carefully: I let Aengus know that the Nazi did, in fact, do a lot of psycho experiments, and the government does actually know a lot that they don’t tell us. But I’ve also told him that zombies cannot physically, scientifically exist (despite the recent Zombie Apocalypse). […]

  109. Oh thank god it was a drill.. THIS TIME!!!!!

  110. I am so, SO sad I missed this fuckery. I would have loved to kick some zombie ass.
    .-= Jenny Jerkface´s last blog ..I Love You, Twilight Meadow. =-.

  111. […] it to say, if you didn’t heed my early warnings and well-intentioned advice, you missed a Zombie Apocalypse and my tweet war against Ellen DeGeneres to shake her down for the $60,000 she never paid me for […]

    I demand an email alert when this sort of shit goes down!
    .-= Ariel´s last blog ..Multimedia message =-.

  113. […] The Bloggess started a zombie apocalypse on Twitter this weekend. Now that’s power. […]

  114. ok, so, like, seriously, jenny, i’m really useful and could deffo use a better job and one where, like, i could WORK FOR YOU AND DO ALL SORTS OF USEFUL SHIT AND THEN NEVER EVER MISS THIS STUFF BECAUSE I TOOK ONE SILLY WEEKEND OFF TO BE WITH MY MOM AND MOM-IN-LAW!

    for real, yo. bitch can cook.

  115. Oh man, I wish I would have known about this… Esp since it fits perfectly with my blog http://zombie-survival-101.blogspot.com/ … BTW, I am a fan of your blog, quite witty 🙂
    .-= Adam´s last blog ..The Rural Fortress =-.

  116. I get my news information from PVR’d episodes of the Daily Show. This is why I’m in trouble in case of actual world-shattering events. Unless they involve time distortion. In which case, I will be perfectly safe. Bitches.
    .-= Curiosity´s last blog ..Formidable =-.

  117. wow people are so creative. I never thought about a general response to zombies being confusion rather than terror. I guess the movies have been overdoing it for me. pretty awesome.
    .-= Mamma M´s last blog ..Could it be? A Few Words on the Accuracy of Negative Pregnancy Tests =-.

  118. Fuck.

    Now I have to get a twitter account.
    .-= Jamie´s last blog ..Yesterday. =-.

  119. I’m going to sit around and just wait until I have a chance to use the phrase “zombie hole” in reference to chimneys. Knowing my life, it won’t be that long of a wait.
    .-= Stacia´s last blog ..Marie Prevost Project #4: "Party Girl" (1930) =-.

  120. If I tell you that I have a photo of a ZOMBIE PENIS on the end of a steel rod, will you tell me how I can send you the photo?
    .-= Judie´s last blog ..THE MONSTERS THAT MADE US =-.

  121. As a side point, the whole “so-and-so’s last blog” thing becomes especially relevant here.
    .-= Curiosity´s last blog ..And they play it on my radio station all the time. That’s a lot of crazy hair. =-.

  122. How about evadin’ w/ canadian bacon? No? I tried, and I failed, I sure do appreciate you being a vessel for my failure.

  123. […] laughed–actually out loud–many times through the course of reading The Bloggess’ recap of the Zombie Apocalypse as captured on Twitter. Examples: “Have resorted to electric bread knife/bleach combo. Now […]

  124. This is the most awesome thread in the history of Twitter. It should be written up in graphic novel form, preferably by Joss Whedon.

  125. Is this, all this, turning into a movie any time soon? Zombieland turns out to be a major letdown for me.
    .-= subWOW´s last blog ..Hope springs eternal =-.

  126. […] my work mates said.  Sure you would think that because you are Zombie Non-Believer or a ZNB.  But Jenny The Bloggess is a believer and I’m pretty sure she put these crazy thoughts in my head because I am extremely […]

  127. […] miss it I did as is evidenced by the zombie apocalypse led by the bloggess a few weeks ago on twitter and any number of wonderfully written entertaining […]

  128. Sorry for being 3 months late but doesn’t anybody here play Plants vs Zombies? You get to fight zombies using plants that are so awesome they can kill zombies!

    I know that if I’m the middle of a zombie apocalypse I’m gonna plant lots of offensive plants in the front yard (if only I have a yard).

  129. You were pinged or tracked back and it’s not picking it up so I’ll post it here…


    Michelle Grewe recently posted Underneath the Beauty Lurks….

9 trackbacks

Leave a Reply