I honestly still don’t know what the answer is. UPDATED: Wait. Yes, I do. But I think I was happier when I didn’t.

in conversations, Just sad, no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap

Conversation with Victor at iHop:

me:  Ugh. I hate it when they don’t give you enough spaces to write the answers.

Victor:  What?  Why the hell are you doing the puzzle on the kid’s menu?

me:  Because you’re too busy playing with your phone to talk to me and also because puzzles help stave off early dementia.

Victor:  But you’re not even doing them correctly.  You don’t draw in extra lines in fill-in-the-blank.

me:  I realize that, but it doesn’t fit otherwise.

Victor:  Are you fucking kidding me?

me:  I know, right? I thought it was inappropriate too.  I mean, this is supposed to be for children, for God’s sake.

Victor:  I’m reasonably sure the answer is *not* “Hiding the sausage”.

me:  I tried “Bury the bacon” but that didn’t fit either.  “Grasp the links?”

Victor:  I don’t know what’s more tragic.  The fact that you’re doing the child’s puzzle, or the fact that you can’t figure out the child’s puzzle.

me:  You now, you could help me instead of making fun of me.

Victor (going back to his phone):  If I help you you’ll never learn.

*long silence*

me:  OHMYGOD! SEIZE THE WEENY!

Then Victor made me leave because I was “causing a scene” but I think it’s more likely he was just embarrassed that he couldn’t figure out the answer either and now I’m worried that we both have early-onset dementia.  This has been haunting me for weeks, y’all.

PS. Okay I just googled “take the breakfast meat” to see if that gave me a non-smutty answer and this was the most relevant thing that popped up:

Yeah. It's a link to an extremely raunchy video about...um..."playing hiding the sausage".

Awesome. I rest my case.

UPDATED: After many impressive guesses (Ham and Go Seek, Grand Ham Theft, Swipe the Tripe, Pound the Sausage, Pilfer the Pork, Hide the Salami) several people finally insisted there was an actual game called “Steal the Bacon“, which I’ve never heard of and doesn’t even involve real bacon.  It’s basically a variation of “Capture the Flag” but instead of a flag it’s bacon.  Except the bacon is actually an eraser or a mitten or something.  Why?  No one knows. So it’s basically the shittiest game ever.  Thanks for wasting everyone’s time, IHOP.

Comment of the day:  Steal the Bacon? Really? Huh. Never heard of it. Probably because I was raised Jewish, and the only thing we hide is matzo. Oh, and Anne Frank. ~alonewithcats

186 thoughts on “I honestly still don’t know what the answer is. UPDATED: Wait. Yes, I do. But I think I was happier when I didn’t.”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. Everyone knows that “Take the breakfast meat!” is what Jimmy Dean yelled at his mistresses right before he delivered the Grand Slam.

  8. I too am a little bothered that you can’t work out the child’s
    puzzle. Where is your inner child? Did you suffer a schizophrenic break??!!

  11. Unfortunately I think I know this answer. But hidin’ the sausage is so much better.

  17. I, unlike Victor, LOVE that you added extra lines. Why be constrained by conformity?! Spoken by the girl whose mother was told by her first grade teacher that she colored like a kindergartner.

    IHOP once served me garbage – actual garbage – bobbing at the surface of my hot chocolate. My darling husband wouldn’t let me return it or complain about it for fear of ‘shaming’ our senior citizen server.

    http://www.imgonnakillhim.com

  21. I never heard of “steal the bacon” either. They are SO making this up to fuck with you!

  23. Jenny, I’ve never heard of “steal the bacon” either. I bet these jackholes are just trying to drive you insane. You can’t trust blog commenters. Except me.

  25. I have also never heard of “steal the bacon”. But I’m Australian, so unless it’s a drinking game, it doubtful it would hold our interest. Although it the name does sound like it could be a interesting drinking game…

  27. I wasn’t aware “hidin’ the sausage” was an outdoor game. Will it become an Olympic event soon?

  28. So I tried to google a list of kids’ games to see if there really is a game called Seize the Bacon, and I got this: http://victorian.world.sw.tripod.com/id4.html
    Cupid’s Coming? I Have A Basket? Do kids even wear clothes outside?

    And honestly, half of these sound wrong too: http://www.gameskidsplay.net/default.htm

    Steal the Bacon doesn’t even have any bacon in it! Boring. Besides, I think in Oz we have that game but we’re dogs getting a newspaper or something?

    What kid nowadays knows the word punt? Unless they know that word it rhymes with.

  29. For some reason this reminds of the closing credits of “Grumpy Old Men.” It’s the only part of the movie I’ve seen. My dad was insistent that I watch the closing credits so I could watch Burgess Meredith say things like “He’s takin’ the meat to the butcher” and “He’s givin’ the log to the beaver.” Maybe the answer to the fill-in-the-blank is contained is uttered by Burgess during that portion of the movie.

  34. Very neat printing, yes, but what about that vicious scrawl on the puzzle above? That suggests another personality altogether. I’m thinking of that Sally Field movie, but I can’t remember the title because I’m way ahead of Jenny with that early-onset dementia thing.
    .-= Pam´s last blog ..Not just playing possum =-.

  35. Um…not sure if this has been said before, but “steal the bacon!” *rolls eyes*

  37. I’m with you Jenny, I never heard of ‘steal the bacon’ either. I think you should write an adult games page and put it on the web. People could visit it from their favorite fast food establishment via their mobile computing device of choice. Of course I don’t own a mobile computing device so I’d have to print it out from the house and take it with me but then my wife has food sensitivities (to wheat, corn and dairy products) so we don’t ‘do’ fast food restaurants (where everything is suspect, even the french fries because they’re often cooked in corn oil). It’s possible to buy terrific BBQ which is free of wheat, corn and dairy products from Inman’s Kitchen in Llano so, if you do the page, I can print it out and surprise Lisa to a dinner out with a fun games page too. The also have free wifi so I suppose we could just have dinner there while we read your blog on her laptop. Not as much fun but less stressful for you. Ok, I’ll settle for that. You’re the best. xO (little kiss, big hug)
    .-= eldergeek´s last blog ..eldergeek: wut? The spel chuck ony werks wen yur payin attention. So there. =-.

  38. Oh come on. You can’t possibly think that Victor knows this! It is like third grade “If you don’t already know, I’m not going to tell you.” Which really means that they don’t know either but want to look smarter than you which drives you absolutely mad and make you consider bringing out your bazooka for the next game.

    Or, maybe that is just me.
    .-= melistress´s last blog ..Food Revolution – Saskatchewan Edition =-.

  40. Obviously, the _correct_ answer is Grand Ham Theft. Come on, people! It’s one step below Grand Theft Larceny, it is. Check any legal…encyclopedia, or dictionary, or whatever sort of reference book one might use in that situation.

    Grand Ham Theft.
    .-= Miss B´s last blog ..Impulse =-.

  43. “Emily is having a hard time remembering the names of her favorite outdoor games…” – ummm, by the look on her not-so-innocent pancake face, I think she’s definitely remembering her last round of Hidin’ the Sausage. I bet she does pancake porn.

  44. I have always lurked and never commented. But you yelling out “SEIZE THE WEENY!” was just priceless. Now I will be laughing like a slightly demented person and trying to control myself from ripping the kids menus from my daughters hands to so that I too can have my own “SEIZE THE WEENY!” experience.

  47. Re: Steamy’s comment–I’m a little ashamed to admit it, but I would defend my bacon much more vigorously than my flag. In fact, you’ll only steal my bacon when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. Same goes for my scrapple.
    .-= beta dad´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts =-.

  52. I have never played Take the Bacon or whatever, but Hide the Salami… that’s another game altogether!
    And that kid in Java… no one explained to him that he was supposed to take out his anger or whatever, on the girl, or her other boyfriend???
    Certainly NOT on his own penis and then innocent people of the village by throwing said body appendage INTO the village well!!!!
    Puts a whole new slant on blood sausage for me…EWWWW
    .-= Dawn´s last blog ..Can I have some IceCream…. PLEASE!? or WHY DID I GIVE UP ICE CREAM FOR LENT????? =-.

  53. I was going with “Grasp the Bacon” at first simply because it fit and I was concerned about a children’s game being called “Hidin’ the Sausage” and I surely have never heard of “Steal the Bacon.” Who the heck thought up THAT pointless variation of “Steal the Flag?”

    So don’t let conformists hold you back Jenny! I think your final answer is totally on track and iHop needs to make their children’s menus more age appropriate. Seize the weeny, Jenny. SEIZE THE WEENY!

  54. In Jenny’s defense, I’m old enough to a mom or granny for most of you and *I* never heard of “steal the bacon”. And we played some pretty weird games back in the dinosaur days.

  56. THAT is totally inappropriate for kids! WHICH of course means you should take your daughter there as often as possible!

  58. Bloggess,

    I like that you ‘color outside the lines’. That’s just like me.

    And you’re a pervert…umm…Just Like ME! 🙂

  60. So on a totally different note, I found out why google is playing these Jedi mind trucks on us! (as in when they fill in what they think were going to type, but its actually something totally ridiculous)
    They are in a full scale BATTLE with Yahoo!
    Kids from all across the nation have been typing in random words and comparing what googles suggests to what Yahoo suggests. *Apparently*, Google is winning.
    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091023123959AAs7Yz8
    p.s. try the “my milkshake”. HILARIOUS.

  61. I’m far more concerned with that creepy little Emily character. Is she supposed to be some anthropomorphic pancake thing? And why the hell does it have hair… is that so when I find creepy Hispanic guy hair in my short stack, they can be all like “Hey, did you EVEN LOOK at the kid’s menu? We tried telling your ass!” And perhaps, most importantly, for the love of Aunt Jemima, can somebody please tell me why that abomination of breakfast science is wearing Crocs?!
    .-= Jay´s last blog ..Are You There Internet? It’s Me, Jay =-.

  64. Well, well…I originally noticed you on twitter when you posted the scarface video. The video wouldn’t play for me so I clicked away and moved on. But through my deplorable blog grazing I kept seeing your name pop up again and again. I was all who is this blogess and what? is that like hostess? and why the hell is she everywhere?

    And then I came back to your site. And I stayed long enough to scroll around. And I realized, its because you are fucking awesome.

  67. Steal the bacon??? Never heard of it. I was born in Texas and have lived in Louisiana and Mississippi. And around here if you stole anyone’s bacon you’d get your hand chopped off. So that must be a Yankee game. Seize the weenie sounds a lot more fun. Seriously, I need a boyfriend……………
    .-= watercolor´s last blog ..Two in the water, one long one on the grass =-.

  70. I think you might have accidentally walked into the International House of Prostitutes. I heard they were bought out by Apple, hence the “iHop”

  73. Looking at Ihop’s menu I see they have a signature dish called the Thick Cut Bone In Ham and Eggs.
    Seems like that is a way to say hide the sausage. Well so does Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity.
    .-= William´s last blog ..The Condom Theory =-.

  74. “Steal the bacon”? What the hell? I can’t believe how many of us would have failed that placemat. The world must be ending. *rolls eyes*

  75. I’m more concerned about the anthropomorphized breakfast food on the side, there. Is that a pancake? Wearing crocs???

    And she’s totally leering at the “breakfast meat” entry.

    Who the hell designs this stuff?

  80. The answer is “In my neighborhood, you could get killed for calling ‘capture the flag’ by this name.

    Maybe that’s the question, not the answer. But the puzzle was very Jeopardy style. I’d say “What is hide the sausage, Alex?” and win the goddman game.

  84. Have I told you lately how awesomely funny you are?! Thanks for making a crappy day, good! 🙂
    Now, about hidin’ the sausages – been so long since I played I can’t quite remem…. Oh, right, were talking about a kids game.
    Never heard of it. I think they’re making it up, too.
    .-= Kernut´s last blog ..The Time I Learned Golf Carts Don’t Float =-.

  85. Steal the Bacon! What’s WRONG with you people? That’s the obvious answer.

    We used to play that in Boy Scouts.

    Wait, what?

  87. At least you know you’ll be one of those sassy, foul-mouthed, kick arse, dementia ladies. You’ll be one of those ones grabbing packages, hoarding sausages, and dropping F bombs left right and centre. When I worked with dementia patients watching some little old lady who looked like Rose from the ‘Golden Girls’, swearing like a sailor, just made my day.
    .-= Rusty Hoe´s last blog ..A Word From Our Sponsor XI =-.

  89. Takin’ the Bacon…at least I think, but hell, “Dodgeball” would’ve had me stumped so who am I kidding.

  91. ‘Steal the Bacon’ – it must be real, I saw it in your comments and then verified it on Wikipedia.

    I learn something every time I visit here. Your site is educational. You are Sesame Street for adults!

    Awesome.

  92. Steal the Bacon, of course! Although hiding the sausage brought to mind a guy at college that I worked at the dining hall with, who one night stuck a sausage in his pants and left it sticking out through the zipper.

    Rumor has it he became an OB/GYN – my nightmare is someday walking in for an annual appointment and seeing him there, white-coated and ready to go…
    .-= suburbancorrespondent´s last blog ..Oh, To Be In England… =-.

  94. I was trying to flesh out an answer using the words “bangers” and “wang,” but they just kept rattling around in my head, colliding into things that had nothing to do with taking breakfast meat, even though they sounded super classy and sexy.
    I read the comments. I’m gonna go with “steal the bacon” even though I’ve never heard of it.
    Mostly because it sounds better than “wang banger.”
    .-= Sarah p´s last blog ..Because of You, Kelly Clarkson =-.

  97. “SUCK MY BIG DICK” would have been my answer. Great schoolyard game.
    The trouble was the teachers thought it wasn’t an officially-sanctioned game in the school.

    Yet it was TEN TIMES BETTER!!! than dodgeball. . .?
    Go figure.

    And besides, those nuns were terrible teachers.

  98. i’ve NEVER heard of ‘steal the bacon” but then again…i’m jewish. how about “hide the salami” does that even fit or do we need to add more lines?

  100. Really Jenny? My disappointment is overwhelming right now. The woman who taught me how to reduce fractions using Canadian BACON doesn’t know how to play Steal the BACON? Steal the BACON is THE foundation of BACON long division !!! Did you not pass BACON 101???

    For shame.
    .-= Toni´s last blog ..Lately… =-.

  101. I have to go initiate sex with the husband now, just so I can whisper “I want to take your breakfast meat in my english muffin.”

    If only I was English…

  103. It’s clearly Bangin’ the Wife. It fits too! I mean, in the blanks, without adding extra lines. Not fitting in the wife. Well, umm… Yeah, I guess it’s gotta fit in the wife too, but’s that’s kinda personal, don’t you think?

  104. I actually remember playing Steal the Bacon in elementary school. Something to do with chalkboard erasers and running, but the rest is foggy, and I am too lazy to read through all the comments to see if someone else already explained it…

    Didn’t participate in “hidin’ the sausage” until high school. Nothing to do with chalkboard erasers.

  105. Wish we had International House of Pancakes. Sigh.
    Can’t say I’ve heard of ‘hide the bacon’ either – but then again – I am from the other side of the globe.

  111. Heck, I even had my husband trying to figure it out. He finally found “Steal the Bacon” on google. But we have no idea how to play that…never heard of it. I totally think your “Hide the Sausage” was the better answer!
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..The Story of Zac Smith =-.

  112. I was born in Arizona and have lived all over the U.S. and have never heard of “Steal the Bacon.” Ever.

    And, “The Wet Spots” are an awesome group. I now have, “Do You Take it in the Ass?’ going through my head. Awesome group and very educational, too.
    .-= akshelby´s last blog ..Moving: I think I’ve lost my marbles =-.

  113. see, now this is totally pissing me off lol. i wanna know the damn answer. shouldn’t it be at the bottom of the page? haha. you have to post us the answer.

  114. Ooh, I have an IHOP story… my boyfriend from Australia who had never gone to an IHOP before, let alone the one we decided to go to, so he didn’t know where the bathroom was. I got up and showed him, and went back to our table. My intestines did that sort of rumble that means you have to fart real bad, and I had been doing those all day. I saw my sister sitting there on the edge of the booth seat, and pretty much in one swift motion I sat on her lap and farted on her. In public. We all pissed ourselves laughing (thankfully for my sister, I wasn’t sitting on her lap), and then my boyfriend comes back, and wonders why the hell we’re laughing, and he gets almost offended that he wasn’t there to experience it. Then, my mom says to my sister, “You know, you can get her back with something big now.” The good thing is that she hasn’t gotten me back yet. The bad thing is that now I’m in Australia… and she has about 8 more months to plan something worse than me farting on my own sister in public.

  115. Presenting for your amusement…. actual video of people playing Hide The Sausage. Outside. Not safe for work. Not even actual people or an actual video either, but the song is one of my favorites and the season is coming up in about a month, so there’s still time for emergency dieting. http://iLike.com/s/2TaH – look for the second animated video of the main song for even more fun –

  123. I’m glad your husband supplies the right reactions to further spur you on in your actions. It has enabled you to build a whole empire. When I say things like to my husband there is no reaction whatsoever thus sucking all of the joy out of things. And thus we have no empire.

  124. I suck at puzzles, child or otherwise, so when I guessed ‘steal the bacon’ and THEN saw it in your comments, well, it was a PERSONAL VICTORY. I’m breaking out the champagne as we speak. Then I might look at a sudoku puzzle just to see if I can not vomit.

  126. It seems like a perfectly reasonable answer to me, I mean they’re always putting adult stuff into kids cartoons right? Remember the Animaniacs? Definitely not for kids. And what about Strawberry Shortcake, I don’t even want to talk about that…

  128. I think it’s wrong that IHOP is encouraging meat theft, but I’m even more disturbed by the game above it. Why have you X-ed out the faces of all those people? Is that some kind of serial killer game? I know you like Dexter and all, but I don’t think pancake houses should be encouraging kids to kill! I’d expect that of MacDonald’s but I hold IHOP to higher standards.

    Honestly, what’s happening to the world??

  133. Is it just me or does anyone else find the questions at the bottom of the menu frightening? Considering the topic and all.

  134. I hate men who sit there playing with their cell phones and act like WE’RE the assholes for entertaining ourselves. SERIOUSLY. If you’re too absorbed in your blackberry-fantasy-baseball or some shit we’re going to find something else to do. I think there should be a support group for those of us who are constantly ignored because of our males’ expensive data plans.

    (And I remember playing Steal the Bacon. There are two lines of people facing each other, each with an equal amount of people, and everyone has a number and the numbers match up so when the person in charge yells SIX both sixes run and the first one to grab the ‘bacon’ [an object in the middle of the two lines] tries to get it back to their side while the other person chases them and tries to tag them. If they tag them, the round is over and nobody gets a point. If the first person gets it back to their base their team gets a point. And then you do it again with a different number. It…wasn’t very fun.)
    .-= Edana´s last blog ..I’m making a garden! =-.

  135. Well according to all ^those people, it’s steal the bacon.
    Never heard of it either, don’t worry.
    I was gonna say TAKIN THE BACON. Which rhymes and sounds way cooler.
    .-= Taylor´s last blog ..Life List =-.

  136. “Sink the sub” and “Park the porpoise” have got to figure in here somewhere. Just ask Mrs. Doubtfire.

  137. Two friends and I were once stuck in a Pizza Hut where service was taking a long time so we started playing a Candyland-type game printed on the paper placemats. We soon discovered that this was the Jean Paul Sartre version of Candyland, because you could not possibly get past some stupid combination of Go Ahead and Go Back spots. After 45 minutes we gave up. Then we discovered that our server had finished her shift and left without turning in our order to the kitchen.

  140. Is anyone else disgusted not by the pornographic undertones but by the horrible grammar??? It’s takinG not takin’ and hidinG not hidin’!! Ack! Text speak has infiltrated IHOP! Geeeeez we’re fucked.

  142. Ok, I am 55 and I have never heard of this game called “Steal the Bacon”. I was born and raised in Florida. You just didn’t steal anyone’s bacon there or you drew back this bloody stub. No stabbing…just your basic amputation. I have also lived in OK, NC and now in Canada. No one seems to know this game that IHOP is referring to.

    I think Target is getting back at you through IHOP and Google(AKA as Topeka..Let me Topeka that for you).

  143. Really? Really?! “Steal the Bacon”?

    I really want to know where the people that have heard of this game are from… I’m bamboozled!

  144. I cried reading this for a number of reasons: A) we went to the HOP this weekend, and I hit my head on the light fixture above our table, which made a HUGE clangy noise and everyone in the room looked at us. Plus, it really hurt. This post brought the pain back. B) You misspelled wienie, and who loves a bad speller? C) I wouldn’t have guessed that answer either, and I’ve played steal the bacon. D)All of these comments are brilliant. I shouldn’t read this at work. I make too many muffled snorting sounds.

  148. I love you because somehow, its always about bacon, be it Kevin or an ihop menu game.

  149. My roommate says it is Steal the Bacon and I have to believe her because she is mormon so she isn’t allowed to lie or make up funny adult games.

  151. The Wet Spots (the band you found in the search) are AMAZING! If you ever get the chance, you should totally go see them. I happened upon one of their shows, and now I’ve seen them 4 times!

    http://www.wetspotsmusic.net

  153. I think you might be setting yourself up for another Dr. Pepper incident. Ihop will have to issue a statement and then they’ll block from the corporate Twitter page.

    But if they do issue a statement, maybe they’ll tell us the f’n answer.
    I thought of ‘take the bacon,’ but it seems a little cheap to use the same word in the clue in the question and in the answer.
    .-= Christina Bell´s last blog ..The Penis Festival =-.

  156. Solution to this problem: You should sue IHOP for not offering a vegetarian form of child’s menu game. Claim you’re terribly eco-conscious and that you believe that if your child learns that you can play games with dead animal carcass, she will grow up to own a slaughterhouse or a lot of undernourished gerbils. In fact, you’re secretly growing tempted yourself. Do they want to have the doe-eyed expressions of dead cows haunting their dreams? I think not.
    .-= Kate´s last blog ..Enemies of the People, **** =-.

  157. I admit I couldn’t do it either. Although it may have been due to the fact that you already “planted the pepperoni” in my head causing me temporary dementia.

    We didn’t play “Steal the Bacon” as kids.
    .-= One of The Guys´s last blog ..Moves that paralyze =-.

  158. We called it “Snatch the Bacon” and I’m pretty sure it involved two people racing to a tennis ball [or bacon], a quick stand off, one person “Snatching” said bacon then everyone falling on their faces before we all said fucki it and played “Tip the Can” [Irish children clearly aren’t as violent and thieving as you Americans.]

  160. what kind of kids breakfast menu doesn’t have the puzzle answers on the backside, printed upside down in tiny print? I do not believe in “Steal the bacon”. It never existed.

  162. I would have been laughing my butt off if I had been there and saw what you had written (I’m trying not to laugh now b/c I’m @work)….. but I’ve never played ‘steal the bacon’, I never heard of it until now…. Excellent guess!

  163. I had to use a few extra brain cells to help out on this one. Although, I’m totally down with your answers. IHOP has just been elevated a little bit in my mind (which is hard to do considering where I live, ya know?). Except for the fact that our IHOP doesn’t have those awesome games, so that drops them back down again. Let’s just call it a wash, ok?

    The only thing I remember about steal the bacon is putting a chalkboard eraser in the middle of a floor with teams on either side of the room. Then there’s a big free-for-all to get the eraser. And then I have no freakin idea what happens after that. But I think you run across a level jumping on toadstools & evil turtles while breaking blocks to get the gawd damn gold coins & save the princess. No? Shit. I’m at a loss then.

    And on top of it all, I think I mixed up steal the bacon with dodge ball. Crap. I knew I was gonna miss those brain cells.
    .-= uthostage´s last blog ..If this isn’t a good enough reason to start exercising, I don’t know what is. =-.

  164. Um, just an FYI – the next time I decide to pick up some dude, I plan on winningly grabbing his thigh and asking if he’d like to grasp the links. It’s either this, or slather myself with bacon. Either or, really. Either or.

  165. New reader, yay!

    And I am SO doing this next time my dear husband takes me to IHOP. Classic.

    Maybe the answer was “yankin bacon”? That’s my vote.
    .-= Shannon´s last blog ..Random Excitement =-.

  166. I have never heard of Steal the Bacon, either. How OLD is that game? Or am I the one that’s old?

  170. I would just like to suggest something totally off-the-wall… I really think you should watch a movie called “Sweet Movie”, by Yugoslavian direction Dusan Makavejev. The first 2/3s of the movie were fantastic and strange, the last third downright disturbing. I thought this kind of thing could only come out of a mind such as your own, but… someone beat you to it, I guess.

    And don’t let your kid watch it, for the love of God. Totally inappropriate for anyone under 20. You might get some interesting stuff for your sex column, though.

  171. The name still makes absolutely no sense to me. Steal the Bacon? Seize the Weeny and Hidin the Sausage – well, the rules are obvious, and everyone wins. Sounds like an awesome game to me.
    .-= Plano Mom´s last blog ..Random 7 =-.

  173. Do you think it is possible they know who you are and gave you a special edition of the puzzle? None of the IHOPs or Danny’s for that matter that I have been to provided such titillating games! I always knew that life is different for the famous. 😉
    .-= subWOW´s last blog ..Hope springs eternal =-.

  174. When I was young (a lonnnnnnng time ago), we played Red Light, Swing the Statue, Mother May I, and when we could find the kid with the ball, we played dodge ball, and kick ball. Occasionally we would play baseball in the big grassy area in the middle of Andrews Circle, which was an area of housing for professors and their families at Emory University in Atlanta. I can see today’s kids playing Hide the Sausage, because my husband coaches girls golf at a local high school and ALL THEY TALK ABOUT IS SEX!!
    .-= Judie´s last blog ..My Other Life =-.

  177. hahaha! hiding anne frank… damn to be witty. ive never heard of “hiding the bacon” and im from the south… yeah that doesnt really mean anything.

  179. it has nothing to do with real bacon? kinda like chicken fried steak has nothing to do with chicken?
    I had to Google “chicken fried steak” yesterday after you posted the pic…btw. I didn’t want to look stupid. oh well too much for that since I just admitted it. Did you finish it?

    (I finished half. And underneath it was a huge mountain of potatoes. Texas wants me dead, I think. ~ Jenny)

  184. Thanks for the update! Now that I look at the picture – no kid would have guessed ‘kick the can’ either – given the clue…. Tin????

  185. This reminds me of when I was waiting at the gyno office and the only thing I could find to read was a Highlights magazine. After 10 minutes of staring at the Hidden Picture, I had to give up. But you have given my hope that one day, I will succeed.

  186. Pingback: Passover and out « alone … with cats

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I’m not sure I’m doing substack right but I’m enjoying myself.
Kind of a big deer.
Stuck in the worlds longest hallway.
Happy 50th birthday to this absolute legend. I love you, mister.

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

The Family Skeptical Podcast: We’re an atheist couple raising two children – we ask big questions, dissect weird parenting moments, and are jealous that our cats get so much sleep.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

Sarah Linn on Medium: Humorist or unstable person with an internet connection? You decide.

Uncommon Creatures Digital Portraits: Animal art inspired by Earth’s most magical creatures. Got your own beloved pet you’d like to memorialize? Have no fear… let me turn your fur-baby into a work of art.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

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