According to my very religious grandmother, anything blasphemous you say today counts double. This is why I’m going to be very careful when I do my wrap up so I don’t fuck up anything. Also, I’m pretty sure you can say “fuck” on Easter Sunday. Otherwise I’m fucked. It’s probably not helping though that I keep saying “fuck” so much because maybe after a certain amount it counts as a mortal sin. I’d call a preacher to verify but this is a busy day for them. This is why the Bible needs to be more specific.
And now Victor is telling me that it’s probably blasphemous to criticize the Bible on Easter Sunday but I’m not criticizing it so much as I’m just saying that I’d like more of it. If anything, I should get extra points for wanting more. Victor says Christianity doesn’t work on a point system. Then how do you know who fucking wins, Victor? Exactly.
And now…the weekly wrap-up:
This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):
This week on the internets:
- You can always tell when the Houston Chronicle put a story on mine of their front page because angry people actually start taking things I say seriously.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- “You know what? Fuck it.”
- So angry.
- My favorite version of Alice. It’s dark and unsettling. Like someone came in and recorded my dreams.
- Now Derek looks like an asshole.
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by *Shey*[B] Camera Strap Slip Covers, which are like kick-ass scarves for your camera. Plus, it’s an extra layer of protection in case you get stabbed in the neck. So basically you need one for safety reasons. I may have just saved your life. You’re welcome.
PS. I just want to give a special thank you to everyone who’s sponsored a weekly wrap-up for agreeing to let me write whatever the hell ridiculous thing I want to say about your company. That kind of hands-off trust is refreshingly awesome and something to be applauded. This is me, people. Applauding you.