According to google analytics, 199 people have found this blog by googling “It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores“.  Which is weird.  And yes, I understand that I’m the first result when you google that because of the time that I wrote about how 25 people found my blog searching for the exact same thing back in 2008.  But it’s just getting worse over time and what’s even more unsettling is that 693 of you got here by googling dead-whore-related searches that were almost completely identical except for minor punctuation changes.  It’s like some sort of horrible dead whore epidemic that I really don’t want to get involved in.

WTF, y’all?  What does that even mean?  This isn’t a market I want to corner. And what’s even more baffling is that if I go on Alexa and look up my top searches they give me this:

You guys, that's not how you spell "I'm". Like, AT ALL.

Okay, first of all?  I’ve never said “I’m awesome. What should I do” in my entire life and secondly, WHY IS IT MISSPELLED SO MANY TIMES?  If you can’t spell “I’m” correctly then you probably aren’t that awesome. Just a thought.  And I don’t know what you should do or why you would even ask me.  Maybe invest in spellcheck.  It couldn’t hurt.

Enough with all the dead whores, y’all.  It’s starting to make me paranoid and it’s no good for the whores.

152 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I can’t for the life of me figure out what the hell “New Zealand Porn” is but it brings people to my site by droves. Maybe it involves dead whores and we could collaborate?

  2. That is truly creepy.

    Veronica recently posted Falling apart.

  3. Dude, first! (I’m a dork, but still first!) I’m going to go google “I am awesum” now.

    Lotta recently posted Try Handmade Gift Guide- Playground Enthusiasts.

  4. Also, Lotta? I think it involves sheep.

    Veronica recently posted Falling apart.

  5. To be honest with you, I don’t even like dead whores.

    Miss Britt recently posted My Before and “After” Pictures Really.

  6. –>I’ve had many people find me in google by typing in “topless Mom” and I’m sure they were disappointed to find out I meant in a convertible. They may have been even more disappointed if I were actually topless instead.


    WebSavvyMom recently posted Flashback Friday Part 61 - The Proposal.

  7. “What is WRONG with you?”
    Oh man, the number of times I’ve wondered that when looking at search referrals. I think the dead whores is the best one I’ve seen so far though. It’d make me a bit paranoid too though, even though I’m not a living whore by any long shot. 😉

  8. I don’t even want to know who’s behind THOSE internet searches

  9. It’s actually kind of cool that you’re THE source for dead whores online. For awhile there, I was the leading expert on dog rape, and right now I’m apparently the Internet’s creepiest weirdo, if recent search terms are any indication. But I write a food blog. Like, a NORMAL one. I’d way rather have the whores.

    emvandee recently posted Savoury strawberry salad- More awesome than alliteration-.

  10. LOL – that is just hilarious. That’s generally how it goes, though. You hardly ever rank high for the keywords you focus on. It’s usually something really weird that rails in the traffic.

    How people put in the exact same sentence is beyond me. Is it a quote from a movie / book / poem / song or something??

  11. I love the 25 people who found the blog by simply googling “dead whores”. At least you’re not the first hit when googling that…

  12. and i thought people finding my site by searching for “family members sending each other hate mail” was bad

    Carrie recently posted How to Publish a Calendar in iCal.

  13. I <3 you. And if it is of any consolation, the main search term that led to my old blog was "multi multi multi legged insects".

    Lena.FM recently posted An ad campaign that really pissed me off.

  14. I wish I could remember what I’d been searching for when I found your blog.

    I know it ended up leading me to a tampon-shaped USB drive or something like that, which lead me here. You did actually write about that once didn’t you? Or are my delusions from the heat/sick finally messing with my memories?

    Sono recently posted Good job on Toy Story 3- Pixar.

  15. New Zealand porn? Who thinks of that??

    Caitlin recently posted Drunk werewolves and violent leprechauns pretty much sum up my childhood innocence.

  16. My favorite was “faceperiod sex”. I had written that SJP’s “face. Period.” was evidence of the main theme in SATC2 that people should get plastic surgery. It worries me what that person was actually searching for.

    LaraLev recently posted The BSBs are no longer boys.

  17. Hmm, wonder if you come up if someone searches for “awesome dead whores”…..seems logical to me.

    Cathy recently posted Meatless Monday - Chipotle Black Bean Burritos with Spanish Rice.

  18. Well where else on the internet are we supposed to go?! I LIKE MY DEAD WHORES! Especially on sandwiches…

  19. The real question is where are those searches coming from?

    Whit recently posted World Where We Live.

  20. 20
    Kitliz @ DIYdiva

    An absurd number of people reach my website by googling “DIY torture devices”. Really? Second best search term “freakishly long second toe”. No word on whether or not those people are related.

    Kitliz @ DIYdiva recently posted Black -amp Decker 24v Cordless String Trimmer-Edger Review and Giveaway-.

  21. what the hell is a coliary?! So I went looking for a definition and this is what I found You’re like a google whore, Bloggess! I’m not saying that’s a bad thing…

    Susie Kline recently posted Mother of the Year Moments…We All Have Them.

  22. Boy, if you think that’s bad, my blog has attracted 421 visitors looking for “diaper comic.” I don’t even want to know what they were looking for or what post it turned up. Hopefully it was for an instructional comic on how to attach a diaper onto a baby and not something perverted.

    El Santo recently posted Random Quickies- Letters to an Absent Father.

  23. Despite me repeatedly telling people I am NOT, nor have I ever been a porn star most of my search terms are:
    porn stars with bangs
    blam porn
    spanx porn

    I don’t want to be known for any of these and spanx porn? I’m scared to google it as I can’t imagine, other than my blog clearly, what could possibly come up. (I didn’t intend that as a pun.)

    AmyBlam recently posted Friday Flip-Offs 6-25.

  24. Sooo… because my blog says stepmom in it, I get all sorts of really disgusting and horrible searches that lead to my site. And not until after the fact, I realized that doing a review of massage oil would not help the situation. AND, why do people get directed to my site when they Google, “hot stepmom sex video” or “I want to fuck my hot stepmom” because I swear I’ve never talked about sex videos or fucking on my blog. At least, not in the sense they are using it in.

    People are messed up. But I am glad that you respect the dead whores. I do too; it’s the living ones I have a problem with. Not really, though – if you wanna be a whore, just be one! As long as it makes you happy. Or something.

    Kendahl recently posted PromosLogos Review and Giveaway.

  25. @Lotta

    Could it be that you named a blog post ‘New Zealand Porn?’

    The call is coming from inside the house!!!!!

    Jason McElweenie recently posted Psychedelic Furs – Warehouse Live.

  26. It’s actually more worrisome that you aren’t #1 for simply [dead whores]… that means that there is actual competition in the search engines for that phrase.

  27. I’m racking my brain trying think of a consultant who could help you out. Someone familiar with SEO and issues related to googling “dead whores.” Definitely a niche consulting market.

    BuenoBaby recently posted Centerfold.

  28. I feel you. People find my blog by searching “stretched pee holes”. WTF?!

    melistress recently posted Stashbusting.

  29. 29
    Bad Guy Zero

    I’m awesome because I really respect dead whores!

  30. I keep my dead whores in the trunk… until the summer, then they start smelling weird.

    From Google, people have come to mine by searching ‘the evolution of shadows’ + mallot and rug cleaning. Yahoo… it was Gerard Butler. I wish it was really him.

    Shirley recently posted Gulp.

  31. I had a similiar problem with camel toe.
    Wait – that doesn’t sound right, does it?
    I once wrote a brief silly post about camel toe and I had people coming to my site in droves after searching for things like “dirty camel toe” and “alicia keys camel toe”. It saddened me so much that I had to take the post down.

  32. im” osm wutshldido?

    Miss Grace recently posted Days Upon Days.

  33. I have the same problem.

    Somehow if you google “Natalie Tran Feet” it takes you somehow to my site. And then of course comes up on my stats, and then I get all kinds of paranoid that some freaky foot fetish dude is lurking around my site hoping to spot some free graphics of Nat.

    Yeah…So I called the guy out that was doing it on a post…
    But that didn’t exactly work, so I did it again…and again…

    Finally I sent a note to Nat telling her to watch out for creepy foot fetish people on the net. One can never be too careful 😉

    (check the link Jenny, it gets even funnier…or scarier…depending)

    Tony Hunt recently posted A Tragedy of Caring.

  34. You know, dead whores probably don’t normally get a lot of press, unless they had famous BF’s or died in some unsavory way. The live whores are probably glad to know that someone is here for them when they’ve gone on to the big STD clinic in the sky.

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted The fable of the phalanges.

  35. Huh? What is wrong with you? Didn’t you realize that other bloggers call this the “Dead Whore” blog to each other? And what’s wrong with that?

    Neil recently posted Action.

  36. huh. I prefer to tell people to google “Transvestite Legos” when I direct them to your site.

  37. I get a lot of traffic from searches for “brothels”, generally with the words “carson city”. They generally don’t stay long. I guess my blog just wasn’t quite what they were looking for.

    The other is Facebook Addicts Anonymous. These folks tend to hang around.

    Well, writing about brothels worked so well, I did it again.

    Kernut recently posted Brothels 100 Years Ago- and Tantric Sex Today.

  38. I got a google hit from a a well known company ( who shall remain nameless due to my personal paranoia) that found my blog my googling “what does unicorns and glitter mean” – Umm okay. It made me chuckle.

    Holly B recently posted Living La Vida Loca- Sorta.

  39. You spell I’m with a forward slash when you’re saving to a database. Just saying 🙂

    mike recently posted Stupid Bunny.

  40. That’s awesome! I/’m totally going to figure out how to do that google analytics thingy.

  41. I can’t say that I actually remember how I got to your blog in the first place…. but it was right around the time that you got the Tranny lego guys…. and I’m thinking it was somehow related. I wish I could remember HOW it was related, because that search sounds AWESOME.. but.. well, maybe it’s for the best. haha

    Lanine recently posted Cancer Bracelets Amongst Other Things.

  42. I feel a little better about the foot fetish people who keep searching and finding my site. I wrote one post about being freaked out about feet. That was all it took. MY BAD, Google. I wrote feet and freak in the same post. I take it back. Seriously. I do.

    Wicked Shawn recently posted Drumroll Please………………….

  43. Maybe Google is predicting your future for you. Better be careful…

    Megan recently posted Because Im a good person Possibly.

  44. Whores, dead or alive deserve the same respect as awesome people who don’t know what to do about their awesomeness or spell, for that matter.

    Fortunately, I’ve never had to google dead whores because I’ve never had an issue with one, nor have I ever been one. Now, if we’re talking live, there might have been those few years of college where I was drunk and confused, but don’t tell anyone about that. I’ve also never googled Im awesome because I was the National Spelling Bee runner up for my county. I know, right? I em awesome.

    I found your site the old fashioned way, by googling, “Sometimes the itch wakes me up from a sound sleep and I think about that awful place in Acapulco and know that it IS true what my mom said about toilet seats and picking scabs.”

    joann mannix recently posted The Day My Cookware Almost Killed Everyone On The Interstate.

  45. I wouldn’t worry about it unless you’re a whore. Because then you could be the next dead whore. But you don’t seem like the whore type. I mean crazy does not automatically equal whore. Sometimes being a whore is a symptom of crazy, but not always. And besides, you’re married. And I’m guessing mostly happily. So there is further evidence you aren’t a whore. Unless you whore yourself out to your husband. How exactly would that work? Because I mean, isn’t sex suppose to be part of a marriage. A healthy marriage anyway, I’d think. Which makes my marriage totally unhealthy. But I knew that. In fact I whore myself out to my husband in return for a chance to sleep in. Is that how you’re a whore? Probably not, so you’re probably not a whore. So we’re back to square one of not worrying about it too much. Unless of course zombies are the ones killing the whores. Then you might qualify because I bet you have more sex than they do so that might make you a whore in their eyes. Hmm… Something to ponder. But rest assured, I’m not a zombie so I don’t think you’re a whore. Much less a dead whore.

  46. I get people searching for porn a lot but I have tons more people who get my blog searching for “nut puns.” Apparently there is much demand for puns about nuts on the Internet and my blog has somehow become the main source. I wish I knew more nut puns, I’d like to help these guys out but puns aren’t my thing.

    The Great Joe Bivins recently posted What the hells the point of these things anyway.

  47. Did you ever think that maybe- just maybe, there is a dead whore convention going on in the afterlife and they want to shed light on their fate and the injustice that befell them?? They all decided that you would be the best person to tackle this issue and thus sending everyone to your site (maybe you were a whore in your previous life?? and then died so they think you’re a kindred spirit or something).

    If I were you, I wouldn’t ignore this kind of sign. They might revolt…

    SuzRocks recently posted Take that ABC- I Don’t Want Your Stinking Rose-.

  48. I wonder about Google Analyitcs sometimes. It shows I had over 400 visits from Facebook in the last month and I don’t even post links to my blogs on Facebook. Maybe someone else did, but that’s alot of ppl coming from Facebook to check out my shit.

    Peggy Brister recently posted Personal Quiz.

  49. 49

    I like how you’re more offended by the traffic relating to people who don’t know how to spell or use apostrophes correctly than by the ones obsessed with dead whores and treating them with respect. That’s what I would be like too if I had a blog as awesome as yours.

  50. Whores, cereal box monsters, shroobies, diet not diet Dr Pepper. I stopped judging you at cereal box monsters. No blogger could ever point to those tiny packets of amazing & not be sainted.

    I think if Google ever points to my blog I would like the phrase ‘Ranga-copter’ to be the best reason why.
    Or SLAMWICH. Or maybe even ‘Your Face’ which at one point I wanted as a fashion label. But since I’ve put it out there it’ll probably be ‘cheese knuckles’ or ‘soft shell crab-topia’ which I’ve never blogged about but Google is screwed that way.

  51. Isn’t Dead Whores the name of the band Jack White of the White Stripes started as a side project? Maybe people are being sent to your post about filling in for Meg White, the drummer, for a couple of gigs on the White Stripes Making Your Mother Worry Tour.

    Dan Burt recently posted Moulin Douche.

  52. My favorite search leading to my website was someone from Germany, who found my novel by looking for porn. They did a Google search on:
    looking, I’m sure, for “Deep Throat.” They hit on my page because I had all those terms (separately) in an excerpt from my novel.

    Poor disappointed horny German man.

  53. I once wrote a post about naked singularities and the grandfather paradox, ever since when I’ve had regular visits from people looking for naked grandfathers. On my blog, not in real life, cos that would be really creepy.

    mr farty recently posted Down By The River.

  54. I was a whore in my last life. So, technically, I’m now a dead whore. So perhaps people are actually googling ME when they search for this? There, Jenny, you’re now off the hook. You’re welcome.

    Mary @ Holy Mackerel recently posted Today is a good day because Im having a really good hair day and thats all that really matters- isnt it.

  55. Okay fine…I confess. It was me. I managed to get on 693 different URL’s and run that search. I just wanted to do it to make you feel special. I mean really…if someone found me by searching “dead whores” it would totally make my freakin day!! Dead whores are only the greatest thing since Dr. Pepper chapstick!!

    Just kidding…but not really. 😉


    Megan recently posted P-Dub and Her Giveaways.

  56. “sibling sex” is bringing all the junkies to my yard.

  57. It makes me want to cry when I read the words “google analytics” because it is technical and I am tech-idiot and don’t understand what it means. However, the words “dead whores” make complete sense to me as well as they instill in me a sense of melancholy.

  58. I’m an awesome but dead whore. What should I do?

    Jen recently posted The Angry Vegetables.

  59. Don’t worry about the whores. They don’t care – they’re dead.

    Everyone knows if you say, “I’m awesome,” you’re not. And then if you can’t even spell, “I’m awesome,” you’re so not.

  60. The thing that I dont understand is when I look at MY Google analytics, the top search is BloggingDangerously and Blogging Dangerously and I don’t understand how if people can remember the name of my blog they can’t just type It’s not less keystrokes to go to Google first and I can’t believe that many people just stumble onto my blog.
    Oh well, as long as they get there I guess – and they’re not looking for Dead Whores – it’s a win.

    Kit recently posted Muffdate- The Final Chapter.

  61. I am also pretty certain that awesome people do not walk around wondering what they should do. Um, you should be AWESOME. That’s your job. At least, that is how I operated.

    Also, it is comforting to know you respect dead whores and alive ones. It is the oldest profession after all. You know, respect your elders and all…

    Dani recently posted Special Breakthrough Post- Check Out My New Guest Post at Daemons TV.

  62. A LOT of people stumble in while looking for incest porn. It’s “yeah”, not “your” and “hood”, not “good”. Also, please stop looking for those things, as I’m trying to maintain my faith in humanity.

    Luckily, “vagina rhymes with fine china” is bringing it back.

    fuck yeah, motherhood! recently posted The Blood Of Love Welled Up In My Heart With A Slow Pain.

  63. At least it’s about respecting the dead whores, and not, like, writing blog posts about them.

    I feel like this is something that should be shown to school girls.

  64. DUDE! ok… so i have LOONG been creeped out by google and the google “search suggestions”…which you’ve discussed here before. Me and my friends decided one day to select the most bizare (how the fuck is that spelled??) suggestions and click on them just to see what we found… and we found that not only is a big portion of our already dwindling innocence now stripped from us but also that THE INTERNET IS A FUCKING WACKED OUT PLACE. no joke. here’s my question, is is sicker to look up some of the crazy shit, or to be the person with the website ABOUT the crtazy shit?? this excludes you, as your site randomly covers crazy themes, but is not itself based on a crazy theme… like you don’t devote this site to necrophilia or something. well, at least i don’t think so??? also, your site “found” me, i never actually searched for it. thank Stumble.

  65. If it makes you feel any better, 4 people found my blog searching on “horse mummy blog” (am I supposed to look like a horse? I don’t *have* any horses on my blog); and 4 people found me under “8yr sex movie”. Can I state, for the record, I have not make a sex movie, and if it took me 8yrs to make it, then, quite frankly, I’d be waaaay to exhausted to type this comment.

    Jodie at Mummy Mayhem recently posted Parenting Hurdles.

  66. Probably somebody has a popular “intro to The Bloggess” page, with “look what happens if you google [that thing about dead whores].” That’s funny, but apparently creeping Jenny out.

    How do we find this creepy page? Very likely this person comments here, so we could just look at every post ever of every commenter ever. How long could that take? Okay probably a long time. We could save a lot of time if everybody who doesn’t have a page telling people to google [that thing about dead whores] would just comment here to say so. I’ll start:

    I don’t have a single post on my site that tells people to google [that thing about dead whores] to prove how awesome The Bloggess is. Or for any other reason.

    BrianMPLS recently posted Brian554xx- Sometimes TweetDeck and my wireless internet service conspire to prevent me from tweeting something that wasnt worth typing.

  67. Backslash is a very common escape character, so I’m guessing that either this Alexa thing allows regular expressions, treats apostrophes special in some other way (so that ‘ indicates just plain old apostrophe and not whatever the apostrophe is used for doing, like maybe quoting things exactly), people think it does one of those two things, or it’s just displaying regular searches that way for some reason. (For example, the searches are in their database that way and they forgot to unescape it when displaying).

    So, uh… I’m totally not a geek who knows anything at all about regular expressions, escape characters, and databases.

  68. My funniest search is “Naked girl when repairman calls.” I also have “I need a man to fix my garage door.”

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted Start of Summer Redux.

  69. 69

    The Bloggess – dead whores? I can’t in my wildest dreams put those together…I have skills, but nothing like that…

  70. I just discovered that there was a 17% increase in search traffic to my blog, in this month alone, for people who searched for “lonely old hag rubbing her vag.” So, yeah.

  71. Remember “Sue me. I’m awesome?” I think that’s where the I’m awesome what should I do comes from….So maybe it’s the bilingual crowd out there trying to pronounce Japanese…I don’t know. Sue me. YOU are awesome.

  72. Oh, I just love that you noted the probability that someone who can’t spell “I’m” isn’t that awesome! Made me giggle. Tee-hee.

    tracey recently posted I just wanted a smoothie- damnit.

  73. @britt – OMG, I am so glad I had swallowed my sip of Coke before I read your comment or I could possibly have choked to death! That is hilars.

    I just found The Bloggess, but my only guess would be that maybe people are looking for the SexIs column? Have you ever mentioned dead whores on that one? Just a thought.

    Megan @Momlarky recently posted Scarlett Saves the Day.

  74. At least whores are interesting. Maybe not so much dead, but there it is. My top two are Bumper Stumper examples and Oblivion Pantyhose, which I just now Googled. Right as I’m writing this comment in fact. Holy crap, it brings up some fairly disturbing links. I think we’re better off leaving that little report on Google Analytics the hell alone, no?

    Wombat Central recently posted Movie Monday - Swoon.

  75. Well at least most of them are respectful of dead whores. While they have a screw loose, at they show respect for the dead. Unlike zombies. H

    Condo Blues recently posted When a Woman Takes an Axe to a Wall Giveaway-.

  76. You think that’s bad? The top key words that bring people to my site are “testicle festival”

    wendyvee recently posted Recycled Berry-Go-Round Car.

  77. i tried it… kinda cool.

  78. I’ve had 17 people find my site by googling “Marshmallow Bat Cave”. At first I laughed, now more and more people are doing it. I’ve taken it as a sign that I need to build a marshmallow bat cave.

  79. 79

    Well. As for the awesome, I’m guessing that’s for the “Sue me, I’m awesome.” (which was btw the hands-down most useful phrase I have ever learnt in my life). And the / key is right underneath the ‘ key.

    LOVE YOU JENNY. you and your dead whores.

  80. I totally respect dead whores. After putting up with the crap they deal with on a daily basis while alive, when the zombie apocalypse hits, the dead whores will know how to take care of them. The zombies won’t stand a chance.

    Barbara recently posted Twitter FTW-.

  81. Don’t you think it’s just people who are starting to type something else, see that phrase suggested and can’t resist checking out what the search results for *that* are? Because, really, that totally sounds to me like something you would write about. Really.

    KYouell recently posted The most amazing art Ive ever seen.

  82. If it’s any consolation, most of the whores don’t mind – y’know, being dead and all. The ones that DO mind will probably just haunt your camera.

    kyknoord recently posted First principles.

  83. i’m sorry. i’ll stop trying to find your site by typing all this shit in there. honestly, your url is hard to remember….you should probably just be but then that is probably already taken by jenny craig. and i don’t need “jenny craig” to be in my browser history, my husband will be all like “oh you’re FINALLY going to lose some weight, eh?” and then i’ll cut his throat. and then *he’ll* be the dead whore.

    holly recently posted identity crisis.

  84. How do you do that?!

    Anna recently posted When did I begin to not be able to put sentences together.

  85. Oh, so funnneeee!

    I have had some pretty random searches bring people to my blog, too. But none as weird as this. The one that bemuses me the most is the search for ‘Nadine’s Feet’. Yes, I have feet. Yes, they are tattooed. But seriously? There is a whole fetish group devoted to my feet? I really, sincerely, hope not.

  86. Some of my favorite key search phrases have been…

    “My hands smell like fish”… and actually, they did once for like 2 days… and I wrote about… so I guess I deserve it.

    “Do babies shit teeth”… WTF?!

    “I hate Tony Horton”… I guess because I told everyone how he tried to kill me with his P90X shenanigans. (And p.s…. Tony should really watch his back. There are a lot of people out there that hate him too.)

    The Undomesticated Housewife recently posted UPDATED- Singapore- A Fine City.

  87. I have NOTHING but live whores on this site. Proving you can’t fucking trust Google.

    Essie recently posted How tampons will get you arrested.

  88. 24% of my traffic this month was generated by the phrase: ” jesus, Don’t kiss an ass if it’s in the process of shitting on you what does it mean”…

    Yeah, no idea.

    Brea recently posted Im obsessed ie Find me a REAL man STAT-.

  89. Um, well at least you got whore in your search! For far too long now, people have been finding me via ”Granny knickers” ”Granny sex goddess” ”Granny panties” and it seems now recently ”belly button fetish” – I wrote TWO POSTS relating to Granny’s – and belly button fetish?!?! I’m not even sure how the hell that worked out. For the record, I don’t even have a belly button fetish. HONESTLY. And how can I shake the granny thing? I’m THIRTY FUCKING TWO.

    Mesina recently posted It’s scary that I can identify here.

  90. I think the obvious answer as to why you’re awesome is that you respect the dead whores. Not every serial killer can attest to that.

    moooooog35 recently posted Wrapping up the Week - June 27- 2010.

  91. I had to make upo a new post so that I wouldn’t be too embarassed to comment
    Well here goes then…

    Someone should tell the S&M necrophiles that there is no point in FLOGGING A DEAD WHORE. sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

    cathy recently posted I need to relax and spend more time with my kids- or maybe not.

  92. Google scares me. I’m beginning to think that Google might be trying to take over the world, because everyone depends so heavily on Google to answer their questions all the time. Even their sick questions about dead whores.

    And honestly, who thinks “Holy shit… I’M AWESOME! I need to know what I should do now that I’m awesome… Quick! To the computer!”

    The world is a sick place.

    Jo and the Novelist recently posted Sugar and caffeine through a straw on a hot day leads to trouble… And sometimes Switzerland.

  93. I’m an awesome dead whore. Do you respect me?

    Marinka recently posted Glamorous.

  94. Maybe instead of using the phrase “dead whores”, you should use something else. Like “lifeless prostitute”. Or “cadaverous harlots”. Or “Lindsay Lohan”.

  95. A haiku on dead whores:
    Hello there neighbor,
    gotta bury this hooker,
    my backyard is full.

  96. Google search is useless! I googled Mary Wollstonecraft and zombies and I wasn’t the first item to come up even though I’m the only person who’s ever written about the two together! Also, I reckon Google have this policy: if in doubt bring up The Bloggess.

    Sandrine recently posted Back to London- leaving the zombies behind.

  97. I wrote a posting about loving boys, loving men. It was above board about my journey from President of the Manhaters Club to having a wonderful husband and son. You don’t know how many Google searches about boys loving boys and men loving boys I get now. Somehow I don’t think they’re talking about the same thing.

    Michelle Zive recently posted Valedictorian Speech for My Daughter.

  98. Whores…zombies…and awesomeness….I LOVE IT HERE!!!

    Roschelle recently posted WellJust Suck It Then-.

  99. Back in the days when I actually maintained my blog (I have GOT to at least get back over there and dust!), I would periodically get traffic from the phrase “dead goat blow job” even though that phrase NEVER appeared anywhere in any post I ever posted (I think). That traffic ultimately stopped, but now that I’ve used the phrase “dead goat blow job” here, you’re going to get those hits. I’m not sure you’ll actually notice the “dead goat blow job” hits among all the “dead whore” hits but they’ll be there. My gift to you.

    Jami recently posted Totally inappropriate Youve been warned-.

  100. “Magical mushroom boobie”.

    That’s how I got here.

    I mean… who could pass that up?

  101. Damn, woman. It’s like the beginning of Pretty Woman all over again.

    Aria recently posted Natural Causes of pain and insanity.

  102. If you plug “It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores“ into the bad translator 56 times, it becomes, “I know, but really murder Prostitutes.”

    So, it could be worse?

  103. You know…. it kind of IS comforting that so many people respect dead whorish types…

    I’m now curious as to how many of us found you by accident. My first ecounter with is when I came across a twitter argument about whether Dooce or Jenny was better. I *think* it was a tie, but the Bloggess supporters were much more disturbing, citing facts like you terrify Shatner, are prepared for the zombie armageddon and were willing to stab others in order to prove their love. And I was all “THOSE ARE MY PEOPLE!” and ended up here, willing to stab and with a purse full of machetes, guns and ammo for the armageddon.

    I’m hoping I dont get pulled over on my way to work tonight…

    Beausaphine recently posted Tranny Baby for rent … Aussie.

  104. I get “Candice Olsen’s Handwriting.”

    Over and over and over.

    And then I talk about how I am rerouting traffic looking for information on Candice Olsen’s handwriting…and then it KEEPS HAPPENING.

    It’s a temporal causality loop. I’m in a really bad Star Trek episode where the Enterprise is being redecorated by a tall, blonde alien (I mean totally – she’s Canadian) and apparently she is scribbling on everything because why else would her handwriting even matter???

    Clearly I am becoming a bit desperate with the whole thing.

    But misspelling “I’m?” Just not good.

    Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points recently posted Blue Clues.

  105. 105

    I found you accidently while looking for a better place to buy Keyes Trephines sizes 3.0mm to 9.0mm-
    There was a blog called The Trephine, I read the post and there was a link to you at the bottom. True story.

  106. 106

    It might have been on the side of her blog actually. The trephines weren’t for me btw. Why did she name her blog after a punch biopsy instrument? Don’t answer that- i’ll ask her myself.

  107. Do they filter comments into those searches? Because if so, I’m about to up the anty…
    dead whores dead whores dead whores dead whores i/m awesome what do I do dead whores dead whores i/m awesome what do I do i/m awesome what do I do i/m awesome what do I do dead whores dead whores dead whores dead whores

    Ye Gods, I am productive at work.

  108. 108

    If you’re awesome, you get sued.

  109. 109

    Thank you, I just Googled “Dead Whores” on my work computer and then was OH SHIT I JUST GOOGLED DEAD WHORES ON MY WORK COMPUTER…now I am going to have to destroy my Hard drive so no one finds I Googled dead whores and think I am insane.

  110. It’s just… I don’t… Whaaa?

    Jam recently posted How good it feels to fret.

  111. Weird. Also weird is the fact that on a google search for “feeling stabby” there are ten websites that come up before yours… Which means that there are almost a dozen more people who feel stabby than you… I was sleeping peacefully knowing that the stabby-ness was confined to a very funny woman in Texas… now I’m wondering about the less funny stabby people who live closer to me…

  112. At least they aren’t coming for your vagina. I wrote about a vagina once, not even mine but Oprah’s, and ever since everyone who find me does so by searching “redheaded vagina”, like that a real thing.

    Jen recently posted It’s Sorta Like The French Lieutenant’s Woman.

  113. Some of my ‘S’s didn’t work, I’m not illiterate, just wanted you to know that.

    Jen recently posted I’ve Officially Become A Redneck.

  114. Jenny, if it makes you feel any better I learned about you from Chubby Mommy Running Club. I didn’t know anything at all about you being associated with dead whores, THAT may have scared me off! Thank you for making me laugh out loud; I loved the story about being in the waiting room with those take-it-for-granted water-seeking-old-people. Have an awesome day!

  115. I look at what people googled to find my blog but then I just sit there all stupid, looking at the screen in awe, wondering “Were they disappointed when they googled “Is Kenny Chesney smoking meth” and only found me?’ Well do fucking bad if they are disappointed. I don’t fucking know if Chesneys hitting the pipe…ask him if you wanna know.

    singlemama_cc recently posted Music Meme Monday and Alphabet Soup.

  116. I am disappointed. A search on [dead whore meth] did not put your site in the top 100.

  117. Maybe people know that you’ve written about dead whores in the past so they use that same search term to find you again.

    Jennifer recently posted Random thoughts in pictures- and words- and video.

  118. Can a zombie be a whore? Just wondering.

  119. Sue me, I’m awesome!

  120. You know, maybe it’s all those Mafia guys looking to see if anyone has found the bodies of the dead whores they weighted down with cement blocks and dumped in the some random New Jersey river, and you should start putting up AdSense that Mafia peeps would be interested in. Like flamethrowers, vaginas, and forensic science…Oh, wait, you already cover two of those.

    Or, perhaps I’ve just read WAY too many Janet Evanovich novels.

  121. Well maybe people just have an overall respect for you and dead whores and seek both out but end up with you. You know, because the world’s funny like that.
    Also, if you were at the Marriot World Centre, you know, the big-ass one in Orlando this week and took the shuttle from the parking garage on Monday back to the hotel then I was the brown girl in the brightly coloured head scarf. Your story about how your husband had to take off your top because you were on a low and were sweating profusely was funny and I thought my mum would think it impolite to laugh; not the sick and sweating part was funny but the ‘lost your shirt and 30 mins of your life/memory’ part was funny.
    If that wasn’t you then never mind although it’s kind of disheartening because I don’t often randomly meet internet people I think are cool….
    Nice post btw.

  122. Wow…dead whores…wtf is wrong with those people is right! Yikes!

    Jenn recently posted I Drank Grey Goose And I Liked It.

  123. maybe they were looking for “dead horse” but do not know how to spell?

    dirt clustit recently posted Dear Mr Feinberg.

  124. Don’t complain. It’s better than “sex with ducks”. The only thing worse could be “sex with DEAD ducks”.

  125. Oh, spare me. I get searches about taking it up the butt. WTF? I never said that! And I never DID that either. I swear! But now, NOW I’m taking these search words up the butt.

    It’s not fair, man.

    Fragrant Liar recently posted Udder Hysteria and a ROAST-.

  126. sigh, n my blog the top search string was: “black woman poetry porn” …. what exactly is poetry porn and how do I get in on this niche, lol…

    Naturally Alise recently posted Blog Poetry Slam 53- Tears.

  127. I wish it were possible to write back to people who find your blog through Google searches. For example, someone found mine through: “which superhero said i have a dream,” and I’d just like to know what person out there is SO DUMB that they’ve confused Martin Luther King Jr with The Hulk.

    Erin recently posted NahNah.

  128. Hahaha…Loved your post!
    Cudos for tackling an otherwise quite disturbing (and, I bet, unsettling) subject with a sense of humour.

    Ps. Just in case you’re wondering, I found your blog through “Like Swimming”, who -in turn- was featured in Daily Pressed. No dead whores here, then 😛

    Imogen recently posted Good News….

  129. you just made me really grateful for turning up on google under ” epic asshattedness” .. those poor dead whores.

  130. People come to my site wanting to know what aliens eat. And “arm cast”, usually with a color attached. That last isn’t surprising though, considering my hand is broken and I spend a shitload of time bitching about this horrible cast.

    But an alien’s diet? Surely there are better sources out there than I.

    Chelle recently posted A girl is born.

  131. So, what is it about the dead whores? Do you truly respect them, or do you not even really like them?

    The world wonders.


    EdT. recently posted Hells Kitchen- How Low Can They Go.

  132. So I read this the other night and I was trying to come up with a witty comment and I figured I could make Dead Whores into some kind of anagram.

    I wrote Dead Whores on a piece of paper and tried to come up with something “Dead Horse W” nah makes no sense. “Read Who Sed” What the what that is stupid. Every time I tried to come up with another one I wrote Dead Whores and crossed of the letter I used. I must tried 10 times. I gave up and went to bed, leaving the paper next to the computer.

    The next morning my wife was sitting at the computer and the piece of paper is gone. She has yet to ask me why dead whores was written 10 times on a piece of paper. She has looked at me funny a few times but that is it.

    She probably thinks I am serial killer.

  133. Comment 95 totally made my night.

    but I found you on they did a little thing of the funny women to follow on twitter and that’s how it all started.

  134. Hey, maybe Friday, July 2nd should be “Dead Whores Day” or “Wacky Google-Search Day” #smilesandhugs

    Jon Pear (a.k.a. NeuroAster) recently posted littera scripta manet.

  135. Hey, if lots of people click on this link:

    . . . then “doodle about Hitler” could be listed as a frequent Google-search phrase for finding your blog #smilesandhugs

    Jon Pear (a.k.a. NeuroAster) recently posted littera scripta manet.

  136. This totally beats out my recurring Superbabes search. I’m just surprised that such an old topic keeps getting hits.

    DarkTouch recently posted The Wonder Woman Reboot.

  137. “Y’all”?

    Are you Texan too?

    Shelley recently posted Welcome.

  138. First who searches the term “Dead Whores” alone? I can see if its part of some crazy quote but to just search that term is very unpleasant…

    Second, whether you said “I’m Awesome, what should I do?” or not you should take credit for it. That’s a great line… and a great way to start conversation at stuffy cocktail parties…

    Ryan H.,

  139. One of my all time favorite searches that came to my site:

    “My mom said it’s time to shave my cunt’

    I don’t even know how THAT landed them there. My mother had to do three shots of bourbon to try to tell me about the birds and the bees. She would never tell me to do that.

    A Vapid Blonde recently posted This Is What Happens When You Find A Grilled Sausage In The Silverware Drawer.

  140. I want to be you for a day. Dead whores and all.

    Anne recently posted 64 days.

  141. I’m going to just blame the misspellings on terrible, thick accents…. that just happen to be typed in the same way it would’ve been spoken.

  142. oops, just added to the dead whore count. im sorry but its just far more memorable than ‘the bloggess’. add an s to the end and it gets you forth on google. well done for writing such charming content (iv not read the article but couldnt find you searching under blogging about blogging)

  143. A real answer, then drifting towards not being helpful…

    It could be an automatic query that is run 3-4 times per day. I’m not sure why someone set up a query for “it is, however,truly comforting to know you that you really respect the dead whores”, but who knows. Maybe this is a reassurance for someone who hates dead whores and they type it in several times a day to know that there is a site that shows up for this, making them believe he/she isn’t THAT crazy.

  144. Totally understand where you’re coming from. My somewhat-latent blog is one of the top search results for the term “taint rash.”

  145. 145

    I can’t even remember how I found you in the first place. I “may-or-may-not-have” googled ‘batshit crazy women who are a LOT LIKE ME” for all that I know. I just love you & want to live in your neighborhood. I can’t find a blog post why you are moving from that awesome house yet though. I can be slightly retarded when it comes to the fine…or even the BOLD SCREAMING PRINT…but I am happy for you, even though moving is a total BITCH, but at least you get a new space!

    BTW—can i be your best friend? I just turned my b/f/f onto your site some ages ago & ALLLLLL of our conversations for the last 6 months have been —Did you see what Jenny, Our Goddess said??? And we laugh & cry like crazed hyenas and only wish you lived up here in the (when it is winter in Indiana) arctic circle, so we can bring you booze & hand you some of our crazy pills. Just sayin’ we like to share in the joy of our on-going for 16 yrs nervous breakdown.

    In any case, I can’t wait until I can order your book, but I will have to stalk you at some point & get it signed. I love lurve love having authors sign my books. And yours will be a treasure among the rest!

    Hang in there Jenny, maybe you will get lucky & just shove 47 boxes in the attic of the garage & try to pretend they aren’t there anymore. I’m on year 2 after the divorce (which was totally like the movie War of the Roses, but add kids & crazy, ignoramus cops & a judge who was out to get me & throw me in jail, cuz, baby, that’s just how I roll.)

    Anywho, love you tons & can’t wait for your next blog, on whatever site that may be. Nancy W. Kappes lives a little over an hour from me…and I want to stalk her too. But…sigh…stalking takes SO.MUCH.ENERGY. lol.

  146. dead whores really…I am going to go check that post out. Makes me a little scared to think about what people might google to find my blog 6mths from now….maybe I won’t look!

    AZLB recently posted Professional Hiker- Hulu girl- and Puka dog lover-.

  147. The only good thing about dead whores is that their pimps don’t charge as much. But I wouldn’t go looking for them on the internet. That’s just twisted.

    muskrat recently posted a farewell to balls.

  148. i get: “things guys stick up their bums.” why? really. why?

    ericka @ alabaster cow recently posted dear ericka-.

  149. colliary colliary colliary! what does that mean again? oh yeah, ANYTHING WE WANT! i’m awesome, you’re awesome, we’re all awesome. the frontslash modifies the apostrophe, making contractions more meaningful. unless you’re in labor, then you’re contractions are meaningful enough.

  150. […] Today I am going to copy one of her ideas…not sure if she has a copyright but I give her full credit for this steal after stalking her for the past few month. I am going to share a list with you of some of the top search terms used to find The Coastal Chick. You can see The Bloggess’ original post and how I stole this idea, here. […]

  151. I came here for the dead whores. A bit of a let down.

  152. lol.. good question… I’m curious to know why there was such a specific search for that phrase.
    Good to know what some your audience searches for though.. “dead whores” I laughed but it is a little weird and creepy. Do you have a “dead whore” post somewhere? Don’t think I’ve checked that one out yet.

    jane recently posted Best Eliquid.

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