*sigh*

My travails with marketers have been widely documented but sometimes they really outdo themselves.

Email I recieved today:

I don't even know what to say anymore.

I did, of course, respond.

Otherwise, how will they learn?

151 replies. read them below or add one

  1. BWhahaha insensitive assholes… good grief..

    Angel recently posted Happiness project- I look like my memaw and my mom.

  2. hahahhaahhah…..priceless

  3. How ever are these people going to be reached if not with a taste of their own medicine? Bloggess 1 Telemarkers 0

    marina recently posted Possibly The Best or Worst Advice Ever.

  4. if it makes you feel better, i seem to only receive blog offers written completely in japanese. i do not speak japanese, but from what i can infer they want me to pimp their school notebooks and stamps in the shape of baby hands. it’s disturbing, really.

    the grumbles recently posted opposite sides of the fence.

  5. The nerve! Of course I’d like to know what they thought after they read your response. And who is the illusive “they” anyway? Obviously they have some manners to learn.

  6. d’you think there’s a David who got a Dear Jenny email?

    Wupppy recently posted This calls for a Rectification.

  7. They all think I am a flacid tranny….so I always need to remind them about how rock hard I am.
    Assholes is correct.

    A Vapid Blonde recently posted Uranus I’m Half Way There.

  8. Way to go David. I mean “Not David”. Marketers = Douche Lords

  9. Obviously they meant it as a metaphor, referring to you as David because of your resemblance to King David, and his infinite wisdom and blogging experience.

    Bridget recently posted The Sweet Spot.

  10. If it makes you feel any better at all, I have spent the last several years being asked/called/referenced as a Mr./he/sir. After all, the whole world, other than my parents, apparently, knows that Shawn is a guys name. Anytime it happens I just play along, “No, he is NOT available, but I will tell HIM you called.” I will sometimes answer emails as if I was a man, I, being Mr. Wicked Shawn, himself, am not the least bit interested in pimping your penis enlargement product, but thank you for thinking of me. My penis is already so large, I am afraid my lady friends would run shrieking in fear if I tested your product and it actually worked. Sincerely, Mr. Wicked” Good to know it happens with clear gender names too, obviously, telemarketing spamdouches are asswits no matter what.

    Wicked Shawn recently posted Your Presence May Be Required.

  11. It must have been sent by that Russian guy Peggy…..

    T recently posted How I Became a Lipitor Baby.

  12. OMG this is hilarious!! Telemarketing fail!

    Amanda recently posted Pink Champagne.

  13. I’m tempted to set up an email account so I can write you marketing pitches just to see your response. Then, of course, I would reply and string it out like I am all serious about selling my shit and stuff and you are really missing out on a great opportunity.

    mousebert recently posted You haunt my dreams.

  14. How will they learn?
    Send a Tranny Singing Telegram!

    That’s assuming they actually speak English, are in the U.S. and would open the door…

  15. I’m proud of you for standing up to “them”. You know, for the rest of us out here who still can’t think, much less talk, about our angry inch.

    Pauline recently posted The Pirates Own Book- The Spanish Pirates.

  16. Exactly. Good job teaching them a lesson, David. Umm, I mean Jenny. Can’t wait for their reply!!

    Mary @ Holy Mackerel recently posted Im goin downdowndown.

  17. HA!! Please let us know if there is a response, although I doubt they would write back after you made them look like asshats.

    Angelina recently posted Breaking newsI am nuts.

  18. Awedsome…you gotta let us know if he responds back!

    Natalie recently posted Random Randomness - Tater Style.

  19. You define awesome!

  20. This is the best thing I have ever read on this subject! Get a clue people. I get some with “Dear sir or madam”; really? I file that under Scam.

    Ashley @ Just Another Mom of 2 recently posted Why I Avoid Grocery Stores on Tuesdays.

  21. They better give you free stuff for calling you David.

    Beckles recently posted 6 Reasons Im In A Good Mood Even Though Its Monday.

  22. Those guys are the lucky winners of my contest, “Worst Marketing Mistakes”. Their prize contains a foot up the ass (theirs, not mine) (just to be clear)! Congratualtions dumb ass marketers! For info on how to receive your prize head on down to our headquarters at 1010 You’re Fucking Kidding Me. Located one block down from Idiot Row and Suck It Dr.

    Please note that your prize cannot be redeemed for cash.

    GuiltySquid recently posted Updated- I’m paying for comments The one where I ruin Halloween for you I just can’t seem to help myself- people.

  23. You are my hero!!!!!!! AWESOME!

  24. At least s/he didn’t call you John!

    ~Not John Either.

    EdT. recently posted Hell’s Kitchen- Voyage of the Danged.

  25. Maybe they think David is the dead squirrel in your wall, and they are using you as an intermediary. I’ve hear of worse marketing ideas.

    Suniverse recently posted The Dumb And the Not So Dumb - UPDATED!.

  26. Bwahahahahaha…I had a marketer approach me about pimping a fertility clinic on my sire…even offered to guest blog. Then, he got offended when I suggested paying for ad space. How stupid do they think we are?

    Kristin recently posted Round and round and round we go.

  27. I got the same pitch! Actually, I got two pitches from the same guy; one addressed to Jamie and one to Gloria. Neither of which is my name.

    Kate @ Savour Fare recently posted Thai Green Curry- the Authentic Way- and Shopping in Ethnic Markets.

  28. I don’t get approached by marketers. Only people kindly requesting that I don’t blog anymore. Pity…

    Lizaio recently posted Why Write.

  29. Maybe they were confused by the blog post about your penis?

    J.See recently posted This is what success looks like!.

  30. Wait, what was the contest? Because if it was three-card-monte, but with three people named Monte (two trannies and someone who’s had the surgery to become a man), and you have to guess who has the penis after shuffling them around, it might actually be a legitimate email!

    Yes, I know I’m going to hell. Why do people keep asking me that?

    SisterMerryHellish recently posted Soundtrack to MadamBob – Carpoolin’ Music.

  31. I got an email from him today, too. Addressed to “Dante.” My name is Lylah. I’d cut him some slack and say he needs to spell things phonetically, but that’s not even close.

    Lylah recently posted Need motivation Keep a have done list.

  32. Well played Not David 😉

    Rachel recently posted No Party Preference.

  33. David, I am really liking your weblogs. The information contained is so right. I will bookmark it and be back, Jenny.

    flutter recently posted Dreaming of Teacups.

  34. Unless the prize was a free consultation for sex reassignment surgery, epic fail.

    Katie recently posted The Deluge.

  35. I am going to start referring to people that annoy me by the wrong name and wrong gender. excellent idea.

    lori recently posted Polygamy looks fun.

  36. Dear Jenny, I am very sorry that this douchecanoe market “genius” reminded you of the long road you have travelled in order to become “Not David”. xxoo

    subwow recently posted “Which Sex and the City gal are you”.

  37. OMG. That’s genius.

    Kendahl recently posted Random Thought Tuesday- For Reals.

  38. ;O Man, that surgeon did a good job.

    Joanne Bamberger aka PunditMom recently posted Obama on Public Schools vs Sidwell Friends.

  39. Awesome news on your sex change David…um…Jenny. Well done!

    Jenn recently posted The One Where I Crap All Day.

  40. Loving it! And I agree with Lori’s comment above…sounds like an excellent idea! hehe

  41. Jerks.

    And why would they assume your man name was David? Everyone knows it would have been something like Jendog. Or Jenzz, even. I mean, look at Chastity/Chazz Bono…

    bschooled recently posted Billboard’s Greatest Hits.

  42. =) This made me smile.
    Thanks for sharing!

    Madame Piqueabu recently posted Men VS Women-Boxes.

  43. Wait… you’re DAVID?!?!

    Steve recently posted 192 Locality.

  44. You’re my favorite.

    Angella recently posted More Time.

  45. LOL OMG you are hilarious!! I wish I could even think of things like that!!!!

  46. –>Good for you David, …I mean Jenny!

    WebSavvyMom recently posted Calling a Liar a Liar on Our Night Out.

  47. You realize that “David” derives from the Hebrew word for “beloved.” So they should get swatted twice, once for being insensitive assholes, and again for inappropriate intimacy with strangers.

  48. Oh I wish I could respond to people like that from my work email!

  49. David, you misspelled something.

    Love,
    not Annah

    Annah recently posted AND THIS IS WHERE IT ENDS.

  50. I love you so much for this response. I already did adore you, but this is just sprinkles on top. Sassy, sassy sprinkles.

  51. I speak on behalf of all Davids, when I say… please unequivocally suck it. Suck it long and hard.

    David, totally not furiousBall recently posted Pucks!.

  52. Oh God. Do you know that I once sent a thank you note to a foundation and made the same mistake. The dude called me and basically said what you said to this asshole. And I so deserved it. I deserved it more since they were showering me with money instead of looking for shameless self promotion.

    Gen recently posted Does this Vera Bradley Bag Make My Boob Less Pointy.

  53. THANKS JENNY!!! I needed a good laugh today!

  54. It may have been Papa Lazarou. Watch out. Or your my wife now.

  55. I’m laughing so hard! Love it!

    Marisa @ Where's the Party? recently posted Hes brilliantly brilliant.

  56. Maybe, in marketerland, David is the affectionate term for Jenny. You know, like Robert and Bob, Elizabeth and Liz, James and Mary. No?

    Tenille recently posted The Simple Things – A Haircut.

  57. could be worse. you could have a blog that nobody reads. and not have enough money to get a sex change.

    Simone recently posted People don’t really change- except for the ones who get plastic surgery.

  58. I am on countless email lists due to my email address and receive many personal emails by folks tossing out my email for some reason (one guy used it to sign up to Facebook, one password change request later and I now have that account).

    I really don’t mind some lists. Like the garden committee I’m apparently on up in Rhode Island (am from NC). They value my opinion! Or the girl scout troop in OK that lets me know when my cookies are arriving (I never get them =[…) I have to draw the line soon though, someone put me on the John Mayer mailing list…that shit’s not cool, it’s almost malicious.

  59. This has made my day. Thank you!

    buzzvibe recently posted Duotone Orgasm Balls.

  60. oh snap! form letter FAIL!

    Dangerous Lilly recently posted Thoughts on Blogging.

  61. Javid, (see how I combined them to prevent any further confusion? Genius, right?)

    I love you and come read what you say for the smile you always bring me. I love you, man! *snicker*

    Elisa recently posted Freakonomics.

  62. “David, the Bloggess” never really had much of a ring to it anyway, so I’m glad your sex change is now complete.

  63. Did you ever see the South Park where Mr. Garrison had a sex change and they show real footage of a ween being turned inside out to make a vadge? I still have nightmares about that.

    Ells recently posted More on feeding a southern boy.

  64. David, I mean, er, Jenny – I love you! That was priceless.

    Gigi recently posted Sometimes you win-sometimes you lose- but in the end its how you behave.

  65. Love it!

  66. Oh, I wish I had your pithy humor when i get those marketing phone calls. Love it.
    dahlila

  67. Back when I was in graduate school, I had to gather information about high-power ruby lasers for the purpose of specifying and purchasing same. Contacted some vendors asking for bids, spoke with a number of salesmen on the phone, and one of the replies — a hand-crafted response to a request for specific information, you dig, on a very expensive, custom purchase, from a person *I had spoken to on the phone* — was addressed to “Mr. Vicki [Lastname]”. On the envelope (yes, this was back when this kind of thing arrived by snail mail), *and* on the letter contained within, so it wasn’t just a typo.

    I shit you not.

    Dickhead didn’t get the purchase, either.

  68. We don’t want them to learn. Remember the velociraptors in Jurassic Park? They learnt. Is that what you want? WELL, IS IT?

  69. Wow, I had no idea about the sex change. I guess Hailey’s birth really was a miracle.

    Laura recently posted A First Look at GM’s Prototype Facebook Interface.

  70. You should register “notdavid.com” to go along with the message, haha.

    Jenn recently posted Paid blogging companies I trust.

  71. Oh David… you so crazy.
    😀

    Love your posts Jenny, keep throwing inexcusable ignorance back in the faces of those who deserve it and maybe they’ll learn. Probably not but its fun anyhow.

  72. LMFAO. Hilarious.

    rpattzlawyer recently posted Vegan Nachos.

  73. That reminds me, I keep meaning to tell you – your rack looks better and better since they upped your hormone dosage. Keep at it!

    Elly Lou recently posted My Happy Place.

  74. Thank you! Will you talk to the kiosk vendors at the mall next? Maybe they’ll quit hounding me every single time I walk by them.

    Donna recently posted 4-Wheeler.

  75. Ha! That should be the name of your book: My Name Is Not David

    kristin recently posted i bet you think this song is about you.

  76. He, he, he, he, he…that is wickedly funny! Love that you call “them” insensitive assholes, but then give them “hugs.” Is that to let them know there are no hard feelings?

    rtcrita recently posted Look Up In The Sky….

  77. Oh sweet baby Jesus in a manger. I just snorted hot tea up my nose from laughing.

    Alisha recently posted Save the Ta-Tas!.

  78. Oh, if ONLY a marketer even ever contacted me about my blog! I wouldn’t care what kind of slime he/she was. But I would try to fuck with their head.

    happyhourmary recently posted What would you save in a fire.

  79. I got a work email the other day that addressed me as Ratna. RATNA!

  80. As somebody who deals with a lot of junk email every single day this post cracked me up! I’ve never written back to them though maybe I should start It might help me vent

    Lachy recently posted Safety Scissors are Shit.

  81. I recently had an issue with a Guy named Rick, he kept calling and then emailing to say he called. I kept calling him Dick and he kept saying Rick I was like I like dick. He did not want me to try sex toys. he was not amused.

  82. It’s a little known fact that “Jenny David” was, in fact, a well known serial killer who murdered 16 orphans in the late 20’s.

    It’s little known because I just made it up.

    This is the beauty of using fake names. Embrace it. Don’t hate it.

    moooooog35 recently posted What I Did in Child Impact Class.

  83. Awesome answer.

    I heart you.

    Last week I got an email — from someone who works for the same company as me, so they could type my first name Brahm to find me in the directory – who then spelled my (granted unusual) name 3 different ways. I didnt respond. Screw em.

    Brahm (alfred lives here) recently posted What would Madonna say.

  84. Will you promise me something? If I EVER get down to visit you, that you let me shadow you for just ONE afternoon? Please?? I’ll bring vicodin and Baileys.

    Yo-yo Mama recently posted Zee Mole.

  85. 86
    EveEnsler'sTwat

    Whenever I hear “Jenny” I think “David.”

    Everyone does.

    It’s just like “Peanut” and “Butter.”
    “Ice” and “Cream.”
    “Dick” and “Cheney.”
    “Ass” and “Hole.”

    Live with it, Dave.

  86. Now I totally know what to do with all those emails I keep getting telling me why my business is not #1 in search engine results for my keywords… it’s going out of business you fucktards, is there REALLY a keyword for LIQUIDATION SALE?!

    Danita recently posted The C word….

  87. 88
    HelloWhiteKitty

    Were they at least asking you to give something good away this time?

  88. Jenny… David… It’s just a typo really, you’re splitting hairs when you think about it. Kinda like when Peter Griffin asked Joe how he felt to be retarded and Joe said he was handicapped. Peter said he was splitting hairs. Same thing here…

    Miss Nikki recently posted Scentimental Thoughts.

  89. I was going to say that I would hate to be on the receiving end of one of your scathing but totally on point responses to these fucksnorkels, but then I decided that I don’t think I would. I’m pretty sure if I had that job and a response I got was from you, Especially if it mentioned oh, say, using dead kittens for mittens, it would most likely make my day.

  90. It reminds me of when I was working in the 70’s and women in business were not than common. (I know, I’m old). Anyway, I have a normal, feminine sounding name. Let’s say Betty Boop. I would get mail all the time addressed to Mr. Betty Boop. It was so freakin’ frustrating. To further date myself, when I first started working, the men were all called “Mr. So-and-so” and the women called by their first names. (I don’t watch Mad Men, but I assume they do so too). When I got a management job, I insisted that they call me Ms. Boop or I would call them by their first names too. Believe it or not, they adapted pretty quickly to *everyone* using first names and it spread throughout the company (a Fortune 50 operation). I’m pretty proud of my small contribution to Womens Liberation round II.

  91. Oh if only that’s what it took to make them learn Jenvid (or is it Danny). That was a great response but tragically it will be like water off a duck’s back.

    karooch (from Scraps of Mind) recently posted The Ultimate Scrapbook Freebie.

  92. I don’t know, I think you should give him the benefit of the high probability he has shit for brains. Maybe he honestly did not know his words were offensive (until reading your post I did not know that “david” was derogatory slang for a post op sex change)

    lets not forget that there is absolutely no chance an operation could give results any where near your womanly beauty. Not even if he was the Michael Angelo of surgeons. Your lips, those eyes, the face, nose and hips….. if you were not alive as living proof if would be hard for me to believe even mother nature could get it as right as you. 🙂
    You just don’t see it friend, and if you don’t believe me just weight till your mini me grows up, then look at her, then look at pictures of adult you and you’ll see what I mean.

    That Vic is one lucky dude. Have a good one Jen, your sense of humor is the awesome kind of unique

  93. Lesson learned. Bang on.

    beckie @ me & the grub recently posted wtf- jeans!.

  94. You are still “David” on Friday Russian bath night, right? If not, damn, you could have warned a girl, because I just re-stocked the minibar with Tang and poppers.

    Deb Rox recently posted Sure as Shootin’.

  95. HEADDESK

  96. That my dear was SWEET!

  97. This same thing happened to me once!

    I got a postcard. Front had my name and address on it. Flip side was pre-printed and the blank line reserved for my name again, had my father-in-laws name. How rude!

    I sent a very stern reply about being consider not to tell a pregnant woman she looks like at 50 year old blalding man (not even in so few words). My husband, who sent the postcard from basic training for the air force to tell me arrived safe and give me his address, didn’t think I should be so bent out of shape over it.

    I wanted to write his letters addressed to some fat woman we know, but I didn’t think the air force would give him letters addressed to Rosie Odonnell.

  98. look me straight in the eye and tell me you’ve never done that 😉

    angelica recently posted On aid and Tourism.

  99. Not in a million years could I ever come up with such an awesome response like that. *claps*

    Jax recently posted Worst Post Yet.

  100. 101
    Pam up north

    I have a cousin named David-I bet that email was meant for him

  101. For what it’s worth, I think you quite suit the name David. Maybe you should use it a bit more often for a bit of variety?

    Annie (Lady M) x recently posted Insurance and iPhones Its a weary path.

  102. Virtually all spam is like that now. My personal favorites are when they send me mail *from* my address. And I can’t filter on that because sometimes I *do* email myself stuff.

  103. 104
    vickey's psyde kick mined

    Vikki that is hillarious! I’ll bet his ears were ringin like a mother f*cker (even though it was an accident and was joking around)

    Jenny don’t e-hug assholes like that. He was either and asshole or an idiot (either way, both must be immediately banned!!)

    unless it was an honest mistake and the person behind the typed words was hot, at which point hotness must be immediately confirmed because if not, a mandatory swift kick to the balls is REQUIRED

  104. OMG! you are too funny!
    I constantly get emails from people who spell my name B-e-s-t-y. And I so bad want to respond with “Sound out how you spelled my name, dumbass!” But they are co-workers and somehow I think that might be frowned upon.

  105. 106
    a REAL blog psychic

    Oh no no no no, she did the right thing by including a hug in her response. I can sense from the e-mailed he sent he is some sort of magical shamen of cookie baking.
    (this is all in a Ghandi accent)
    Yes his thoughts are being telapathetically transported as we spoke now. He is telling me the key to good cookies is to first throughly mix the flour (while dry) with the baking powder BEFORE and wet ingredients are added and THEN fold in the cocaine.

    Jenny that man has powers send someone over with an “offering” and the rewards will never end.

  106. In a completely unrelated-to-your-post note, Groupon today had a blurb on “When Assasinating James Garfield.” I, of course, immediately worried for your much-loved and festive boar’s head, because I’m sure some dastardly assasinator would figure out a way to kill him twice. A headshot only requires a head, which is all James Garfield has left. o_O

    Link to Groupon (the bit about James Garfiled is at the bottom):
    http://www.groupon.com/groupon_says/groupon-says-72067659-40544859

    Jennifer recently posted Birthweek 2010- Day the Sixth.

  107. that is awesome, bwahahahaha!

  108. 109
    a REAL blog psychic

    *plbbbbbbllblblblblblb*
    tongue out
    it was over a long time ago because I do NOT clean out apartments, I am always on call and have to fix shit when it breaks, and I occasionally show one and take credit application. Cleaners clean (I just take what I want of anything that got left behind and THEN the cleaners do their job..sometimes I have to roll a little paint)
    I am supposed to leave TV’s and furniture there (yeah right, so that the cleaners can take it or my boss) un uh, they are not the ones who have to replace a sink trap or faucet at 10pm at night.

    basically…I don’t clean apts. 😉 I felt kind of bad when I read that

  109. You tell them, Davidess!

  110. That. Is. Awesome.
    Sometimes I truly believe that the ice pick lobotomy must still be widely practiced. Otherwise, how do you account for all the assholes running around with half a brain? Like Ann Coulter?

    MonsteRawr recently posted Another Encounter With Wild Animals- and This Time No One Dies.

  111. 😛

    FUCKING FUNNY

    😀

    Bella recently posted RE read it.

  112. one of the BEST. EVER!

  113. Perfect response!

    TexasRed recently posted Good Morning Prairie Dog.

  114. It’s fitting that you are hurt by this, as I’m sure you’re still getting over your penis falling off. Way to remind Jenny of a traumatizing incident. Assholes is so right.

  115. But, would you call yourself David IF you had a sex change? I hear David is a masculine and powerful title because people want to be like me.

    Drizztdj recently posted Steps in Parenting- Try or try not.

  116. Annnnnnnd………. THIS is why I love you more than my favorite dildo!!

    Holly B recently posted No- I Wont Be Attending Your Tea Party.

  117. I didn’t get called David but I did get called the name of my blog. Then they proceeded to ask me if they could guest post about their product on my site.

    What the fucking fuck?

    Stacey recently posted Public Bathroom PSA Youre welcome.

  118. Snort. And yet *I’m* the one the marketers and PR people have labeled as FERAL.

    Redneck Mommy recently posted Preparing Your Teen for Driving Means Not Screaming.

  119. Nothing about David or sex change or Jenny. I know about all of them already and have moved on. BUT sowakeup’s “fucksnorkels” is my new bestest favorite word!

    Jami recently posted Totally inappropriate Youve been warned!.

  120. Is an insensitive asshole a side effect of the sex change operation?

  121. This reminds me of the numerous solicitations my husband receives from recruiters (with whom he works) to interview for positions (that my husband posted) in my husband’s own department. Some people are L-A-Z-Y. Or maybe they are actually trying to be offensive. Some people do that. *ehem*

  122. Sometimes you just gotta bitch slap them; and they still don’t learn!

  123. Once my husband and I were at the mall and we wanted one of those cookie cakes but one with tons of frosting so we looked through the designs and the one with the most sugary goodness was a pocket so we ordered that. They asked us what do you want written on it? So we had them write “From Jeans to Dresses Happy Sex Change!” When we picked it up I’m pretty sure they were in a discussion as to which one of us was post-op. Think of this as a cake for you. It was very good.

  124. “@TheBloggess: Good point. I can totally wash my hands with booze. Thank you, twitter. I’m going to suck my own dick with amaretto. Because I HAVE to.”

    from: http://liblr.com/w?replace=brush%20my%20teeth&replacement=suck%20my%20own%20dick

    much <3

  125. Obviously, the author was just trying to test you and see if you really read these emails. I am not sure if you passed or failed the test since you obviously found the problem, but then threw it back in the writer’s face.

    I guess we aren’t getting that contest, huh?

    Dani recently posted My Office Was Raided- But At Least the Buzzing Stopped.

  126. super awesome response. gotta love idiots – they make me look so smart.

    Julie (Etsy Stalkers) recently posted Eany Meany Miney Mine.

  127. by the way, you have an award waiting for you at my blog!! come by and pick it up! <3

    http://justanotherwastedday.blogspot.com/2010/09/you-are-now-reading-award-winning-blog.html

    steph gas recently posted you are now reading an AWARD WINNING blog!.

  128. I’m the 128th comment. So, I am commenting even though the odds you will read this, seem highly unlikely. Not because I don’t think you can read! Just ’cause, damn that’s alot of comments. Aaanyway, the things you write make me laugh so hard. Plus, my new favorite saying (under my breath) is “Hey Asshole”. It’s not original, it is from the movie, Kick Ass, where this super hero type little girl says to a fake hero teen who was doing something stupid, as a way to alert him to his mistake, “Hey Asshole”. It was nonchalant and hilarious. Your email reminds me of that. Very, very funny.

  129. I can’t help but think of you as David. Maybe you should do something about that mustache.

    Suebob recently posted Becoming Creative.

  130. AHAHAAAHAAAA Too funny!

    Kernut the Blond recently posted Greeting Cards for The Zombie Apocalypse.

  131. This is one of the many, many times I wish I were an asshole marketer. A response like that would have made my entire career worthwhile. So good one, David… you just rewarded that marketer for being a douche.

  132. True story, I offered a money scammer £16m yesterday and he replied to my offer saying I can give him £600. I don’t think he understands negotiation. Or sarcasm. I’m thinking of replying with a higher offer…like £20m. I don’t want him to be out of pocket, you know?

    Jax recently posted Worst Post Yet.

  133. Interestingly, when I watched 2001: A Space Odyssey last night, I would have sworn I heard the following dialogue:

    “Open the pod bay doors, HAL.”
    “I’m sorry, Jenny. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
    “What the ****‘s the problem?”
    “I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.”
    “What the **** are you talking about, douche-canoe?”
    “This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.”
    “I don’t know what
    the **** you’re talking about, DONKEH.”
    “I know that you and Hailey were planning to disconnect me, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.”

    ~EdT.

    EdT. recently posted WW- On the Prowl.

  134. Hey there Davy Baby, now when you get all those ED comments you can just pass them right on thru the spam filter.

    Lisa recently posted CitiZ updated Fri Sep 3 2010 5-26 pm CDT.

  135. Maybe in Canada…David is french for Jenny.

    LookieLou, @TPPCtv, Web TV for Pet Lovers recently posted Stinkbugs are the new bedbug.

  136. A company that has been haranguing me at work called again yesterday to make sure I got his email. He said he was going to read my email address back to me just to make sure he got it right. “R as in roger, a as in apple, c as in charlie, h as in hitler, a as in apple, e as in edward, l as in larry.” Hitler? REALLY? Needless to say he got a similar email back as yours, except I deleted “sex change” to “conversion to Judaism.”

  137. Lol. David aint that bad a name :p But its no way better than Jenny 🙂

  138. I wish I could be a PR rep sending you idiotic pitches…I think your replies would be the highlight of my day. LOL.

    Kyla recently posted Necessities.

  139. Am I allowed to ask whether or not you will be offering this great contest to readers of your blog? I’m debating whether to subscribe to your RSS-ma-bob and this could be the deciding factor.

    Thanks in advance.

    Jenny, Crash Test Mommy recently posted Fighting Words.

  140. Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

  141. Best reply ever. Thanks for the laugh!

  142. You need to do a book on the stupid shit that telemarketers send you…like the LOLcats have a book.

    Speaking of books, when does your book come out because I await that one anxiously!

  143. Really?? Wow, what a douche. You are an inspiration! Thanks for being hilarious…

  144. Jesus Fucking Christ, you make me laugh every damn time I read your blog. I recently tried to share with my husband how funny I think you are by reading him some of your posts. Something must’ve been lost in translation because I just got blank stares. Whatev. I’m just sorry we’re not neighbors so we could drink some sangria in the driveway.

    Nicole : Three By Sea recently posted Nouns- Verbs- and Other Parts of Life- BIG.

  145. For the record, I get your True Blood reference and I loved it.

    Melissa recently posted Dear Friends-.

  146. Bravo! I laughed so hard when I read that response. I have been getting a lot of marketing emails as of late and lately I have been getting a repetitive one from a dating site asking if I want to post something for them. I’m not even sure why, but I’m not too happy with it. I have rarely spoken of my relationship status on my blog, because it really isn’t anyone else’s business (other than my most recent post, of course).

    This is a great blog, and I’m sorry I am just now finding it.

    Jennifer recently posted Downpour.

  147. I know exactly how you feel, no really. I contacted my college to see why I hadn’t received my next set of books and why they weren’t even shipped yet. Well I was baffled by the reponse e-mail…..
    Dear David:
    Thank you for your recent inquiry. We are always pleased to see students active in their studies. We stand by to assist you.
    I have released the next set of lessons. You should receive it in seven to ten days.
    I noticed your account has been paid for in full. Once your signed application is returned and processed, you can request a waiver form to get all of your remaining lessons sent.

    We hope this response has been helpful to you. If you require further assistance, please do not hesitate to e-mail a reply or call us.

    Thank you for your interest and good luck with your studies.

    I responded as well…I was a little nicer than you, but I think I should have ripped them a new one!

    I am not David. I am Heather. My account is paid to date on the payment plan. What signed application? What waiver form to get my remaining lessons? I have one lesson left in this semester before my proctored exams. I am very confused by this response to my inquiry.

    TRUE STORY!!:)

  148. […] it comes to spam, I don’t get the awesome letters The Bloggess and Mental Poo are lucky enough to receive. As they’re seasoned bloggers, the spammers know […]

  149. this literally made me laugh out loud really really hard

  150. whoah this blog is excellent i love reading your posts. Keep up the good work! You know, a lot of people are searching around for this info, you can help them greatly.

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