I’m on a lot of cold medication

The other day I was looking at my pictures I’d posted from when I went ghost hunting at the Stanley Hotel and I noticed that if you enlarged one of the pictures and turned it upside down you could totally see what appears to be the ghostly face of Edward Cullen.

(upside down) Ghost hunting at the Stanley Hotel
"I sparkle."

And I realize that it’s unlikely that the ghost of a vampire played by an actor who isn’t even dead yet is showed up in my pictures, but still?  Kind of awesome.

Of course, if it was an apparition of Jesus or Justin Bieber people would be shitting themselves but since it’s the vampire from Twilight the responses I got when I posted this on flickr were anticlimactic at best:

In her defense, she's only lived in America for the last 30 years.

For Chookooloonks and the other five people in the world who didn’t read Twilight:

So, yeah. It's pretty fucking obvious.

PS. You know what would suck?  If you died and were turned into a vampire and then you got haunted by the ghost of yourself who was pissed off at you for getting yourself killed and she was always there for eternity, laughing at you whenever you fucked something up, or screaming really loud so you’d drop the milk jug, or waiting until you were masturbating and then popping in and be all “WHATCHA DOIN’?”  That would totally suck.

PPS.  I’m deathly sick and wrote this entire post on massive amounts of cold medication.  This is probably obvious.

PPPS.  This remind me a lot of the time that Jesus left a boobie on my yard except that people were way more impressed with the lawn boobie.  Conclusion: Boobs and/or Jesus are more relevant than Twilight.  The tide has shifted, y’all.

133 thoughts on “I’m on a lot of cold medication

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I didn’t read the Twilight series, but I sleep with someone who did. It works exactly the same. I also read Twitarded. That helps.

  2. Not a fan of the Twilight. So I’ll only get mildly excited about Edward showing up in your pictures. But if you post the Jesus boob again, I’ll get really happy in the pants for you.

  3. What kind of vampiric ghost hangs upside down??? oh wait…bats hang upside down..

    Holy Shit! Sesame Street was RIGHT! Bats ARE vampires!!!!

  4. Um. Not to rain on your parade, Bloggess, but because Edward Cullen IS A VAMPIRE so he won’t cast a reflection in a mirror except in that one dream sequence that Bella had and now I will go kill myself for knowing all this.

  5. I know who Edward is and you’re right, damn sure does look like him, but do you normally flip your pics upside down for some reason>? hee hee Hope you feel lots better soon. 🙂

  6. Maybe if you take a little more cold medicine you’ll see the ghost of Justin Bieber and my life will be complete. By the thought that he’s dead, that is. Not just because you saw Bieber and OH MY GAAAWD THAT IS SO AWESOME!

    Wait, did I just say I wish Bieber was dead? I’m an asshole. Especially since I really kind of do. Except that then it’d turn into some kind of Kurt Cobain hero-worship sort of situation and teenage girls would NEVER stop talking about it and the news would be Bieber-centric for months to come.

    I’m going to stop typing now.

    I didn’t even take any cold medicine. I’m claiming lack of sleep as my excuse for this comment.

  7. I have a piece of candy corn that looks slightly demonized… seriously. It was from a bag I bought this Halloween and it’s like 3 or 4 candy corns that ended up molded together into a weird face that could look evil to the right eyes.

    I’d prefer if it looked like Jesus – then it’d go STRAIGHT to Ebay!


  8. OK. The serious paranormal investigator in me has a response to this. Ahem. Jenny, you are matrixing. And I don’t mean that you’re acting like Keanu going “Whoa” every five seconds. That means that you’ve got some kind of glare from the flash going on and your brain is trying to make sense out of the chaos and you’re seeing what you think is a face.

    The cool chick in me is all “That’s totally Edward Cullen, yo!”

    I’m so friggin’ lame.

  9. cedric diggory wasn’t killed by voldemort. he was just made into a vampire named edward cullen. duh.

    ALSO. that is totally edward cullen in that photo. i’m not sure how or why, but it is.

    ALSO ALSO. while watching ghost hunters, awesome husband and i often talk about what we will do when we’re ghosts. like when my boyfriend steve and tango are asking evp questions, i’d totally pop out from a wall and be all like ‘ZOMG STEVE I LOVE YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF’ and since he doesn’t like to fly i’d pick him up and carry him places on my ghostly back because OF COURSE ghosts can fly across oceans and shit without stopping for food or rest or what not.

    i wish i could blame that on the cold medication. but i’m stone cold sober this morning.

  10. Heavily medicated is the best way to blog. For sure.

    Also, I firmly believe the ghost of Edward Cullen subsists on your shoulder like a conjoined twin and sucks away your energy, which is obviously why you have a cold–defenses down.

  11. Thank God. I hate Edward Cullen. I mean srsly, what the fuck am I going to do with a teenage vampire? Babysit him? Um, no thank you. Alert me when the vampires look like Jason Statham

  12. Not to be a buzzkill, but vampires can’t have ghosts because ghosts only happen when you die and, hello, UNdead? Not to be confused with the LIVING dead, zombies. Who also can’t have ghosts. Why? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone? That’s right – NOT DEAD! I’ll just write this lapse off to the “medication” talking.

    I don’t know about shifting tides because I live in Austin where I’m isolated from stuff like tides. But apparently not from hurricanes but I refuse to move any further inland.

  13. Edward Cullen makes me nervous. Not because he’s a vampire, but because his hair needs brushed.. badly. No doubt there are all kinds of zombie undead cooties bouncing around in that mess.

  14. I’m Happy you had a ghost, who took on the appearance of Edward Cullen in your picture! But of half of us don’t even know who Edward Cullen is & we are amongst the living, that must have been a really With-it ghost! We (I mean You) should try Contacting him-You could make a Mint booking him on Conan I’Brian… and you don’t even have to pay him, ’cause ghosts don’t need money-Ai it’s a Win-Win!

  15. I’m thinking maybe it’s just Cedric Diggory seeking his revenge on the many idiot tweens who chase his vampiric counterpart with lust-filled abandon. Don’t take away my coping mechanism.

  16. Wait, I’m confused. What is Edward Cullen doing upside down on a woman? Is that like a 69? With a WOMAN? That pretty much goes against every instict I’ve had about him.

  17. Hell, I’m just appreciative this all made ya mention the lawn boobie incident cuz that all happened before I had discovered you and I missed it. I’ve got to read the archives………

  18. I haven’t read the books because I am anti-teen trendy shit, but I have read The Host by the same author, and it was effing awesome. Have been considering reading the Twilight books once the fanfare dies down.

  19. Wow! And here I thought a ceiling boobies I had a few years back was impressive.

    And yes, being haunted by yourself would totally suck ass. I am worried now, because I’m just vindictive enough to do that to myself. Maybe i’ll be luck and turn into a zombie instead.

  20. It’s not his face in apparition that scares me, so much as his dismembered right ear that floats along on the other side of his head.

  21. You just put the word “masturbate” awfully close to the words “Edward Cullen” and suddenly my to-do list is several items longer. Yum.

  22. –>Had you fallen down and that’s why you were looking at the picture upside down? I hope you didn’t bump your head…Again.
    Thanks for helping with the enhanced picture.

  23. Oh MY GOD!! I am totally freaked out by the picture! And far more impressed than the booby-mushroom in your lawn. Yes, boobs are great, but the ghost of Edward Cullen as played by Robert Pattinson? You just can’t make that sh*t up.

    I am very afraid of ghosts or paranormal activities but if it means that I get to meet EC even as a ghost, I would actually go and stay at the Stanley Hotel. And yes, I do realize I am a dork 🙂

    -Twilight dork

  24. I’m so jealous! I wish Edward Cullen was upside-down haunting me in all his vampire-y, sparkly, brooding hotness. Actually, I’m a little offended he’s haunting you and not me. I mean, I’ve written about once or a hundred times. Unless he read that post about me pooping. Then I wouldn’t blame him for not haunting me.

  25. I went ghost-hunted at The Stanley too…with my PARENTS. We didn’t see anything but we did tip two chairs and a desk over so that the ghost hunting group upstairs would get all confused and scared.

    Every 2000 years, my parents are cool.

  26. Actually, the great thing about your blog is that it always sounds like you’re heavily-medicated, whether or not you actually are.

  27. “PS. You know what would suck? If you died and were turned into a vampire and then you got haunted by the ghost of yourself who was pissed off at you for getting yourself killed and she was always there for eternity, laughing at you whenever you fucked something up, or screaming really loud so you’d drop the milk jug, or waiting until you were masturbating and then popping in and be all “WHATCHA DOIN’?” That would totally suck.”

    Can I write this into a book? Please say I can write this into a book, it would be such an AWESOME book!

  28. Thank GOD you posted the picture for those with little imagination. I would have gone insane trying to find it, so thank you for that too.

  29. O.M.G! I am so glad to see that I am not the only thirty something year old mom who is a complete Twilight Dork!! LOL! Team Edward all the way, baby!

  30. ….or waiting until you were masturbating and then popping in and be all “WHATCHA DOIN’?”….

    Wait, that doesn’t already happen to everyone else? It’s just me?! That ghost of mine is such a bitch…I’d swear it’s future-me (dead, obviously) who has nothing better to do with her time than go back into the past and haunt me now. Who knew I’d be so bored in the afterlife?

  31. Seriously, with a little different photoshopping, you could have made that into a Jesus, Justin Beiber or just a nice zombie. In fact, maybe it is Edward Cullen’s zombie alter ego. We can’t tell what would happen at Stanley Hotel after all.

  32. Which award were you trying to win again?

    Oh right, the one for mentioning Jesus, Eddie Cullen, Justin Bieber and masturbating all in the same post.

    Rock on, Jenny, rock on.

  33. I couldn’t see him for the longest time in that picture, sigh. I am one of those five people who has never read the Twilight books, but I DO read celebrity gossip websites, so I can at least recognize the guy. I think maybe I just suck at seeing upside-down premature ghosts. Everyone has a skill, and that is evidently not mine.

  34. I’m one of those five people. I didn’t know who he was either. Also, thank you for the photoshopped version of what you saw. I was trying to make out someone’s face from the hazy blur in the bottom left of the picture. Whoops.

  35. Maybe before you take pictures from now on you should scream “GO INTO THE LIGHT!” to encourage your other worldly visitors to move on. Or I don’t know. Some other technique that gets rid of fictional vampire apparitions. Good luck with that.

  36. I’ve never read it, but I bought it which is the same thing. The same is true for my Tai Chi and Yoga DVDs. Purchased. Done.

  37. A) What medications are you taking because I would like some, I think my job would be a hell of a lot more interesting.

    B) I must be one of the ones with little imagination because I didn’t see it right away. However, after you pointed it out, it’s kind of scary. Are we sure Pattinson is still alive?

  38. Actually, I had no idea who Edward Cullen is until I saw the retouched picture. So now I finally connected the name to the face. Your blog is extremely educational if I may say so. I do wonder: do you enlarge and turn upside down all your pictures? This accomplishment must be included in your obituary: Jenny The Bloggess. She downloaded and scrutinized all the pictures she took.

  39. P.S. No, that would actually be cool as hell. I would be beating my own ass all the time…lol. I would chill around a corner for my ghost to trot by and then pounce on him with my bad assed vampire abilities. Then again, the flaw in that is that you can’t fight a ghost. Shit! Oh well, he wouldn’t be sneaking in on me while I masturbated though because vampires don’t need to masturbate; they just will the opposite sex to them with their bad assed vampire abilities. Oh God I need some sleep!

  40. I must be struck with the same affliction as Karren because, until now, I didn’t connect the name with the right person. I thought that Edward Cullen was a much older British actor. As for this bloke Justin Beiber. I can only assume that he has somehow made a significant contribution to mankind for all the mentions he gets on twitter.

    It turns out that the british actor that I was thinking of was Ian McKellen. My bad.

  41. At the risk of getting stoned to death (and not in a good way) I’ll admit I haven’t read the books or seen the movies, but I DO know who Edward Cullen is. If that doesn’t win me a reprieve consider keeping me around if for no other reason that when you’re all sparkly vampires and you’re jonesin’ for a chicken fried steak…I’m your girl!

  42. That’s it!! I’m going in my bathroom with a camera and some nyquil, to see if Edward shows up. Did you by any chance say his name three times??

  43. You are so lucky! I just got over a cold, and the medicine didn’t do anything except make me sleepy. Maybe I didn’t take enough. Now I’ll either need to go to the supermarket and NOT use the little wet wipe to clean off the deadly germs in the hopes I can catch a new cold and test my theory, or just chug a bottle of dayquil and see what happens next.

  44. PS: I haven’t read any of the books or seen the movies. It looks like I’m the 5th person, so we’ve all checked in now.

  45. Twilight has only influenced a certain amount of the human populace, and can easily be ignored. Conversely, once you know of Land Boobies, they cannot be ignored. So Land Boobies will survive not only the popularity contest, but will be with us at the end of days. Or something like that.

  46. I had to stare at that picture for ever to see what the *&()#$ you were talking about, and the whole time I could only remember those 3-D posters they would sell in the mall that I could never see the images in after a half hour of staring and then and someone would walk up an 2 seconds later be like “oh, a boat!” and I’d be pissed and feel just like the guy in Mall Rats.

  47. I would be asking who the fuck is Cedric Diggory if I hadn’t just googled Edward Cullen. Vampires and wizards inhabit a small world. Not small enough.

  48. do vampires really have ghosts though? That’s double scary. Except i guess their wimpy ghost-fangs can’t really bite stuff. And Edward Cullen is vegetarian anyway so i suppose we’re in no danger. Oh dear i’ve said too much…

  49. What made you invert an old picture and check every shadow and square inch for ghost faces in the first place? And how many old pics did you scan (from various angles apparently) before you came across that one? Are you sure that cold medicine is really cold medicine? Check the box, you might have some expired meds there, dude.

    Funny ghost rant at the end. You always give us a smile; thanks.

  50. Well, the Edward Cullen in your untouched photo looks angrier, more evil, and more vampirish than the “real” Edward Cullen. Maybe he appeared to you in this photo to express how pissed off he is that he was mainstreamed and sparkles. Who is scared of a vampire that sparkles and is a vegetarian? That is like being scared of tinkerbell. If she were a vegeterian.

  51. This doesn’t make any sense. Vampires don’t have reflections, and their pictures can’t be taken. Obviously, it was Robert Pattinson, in costume, not Edward Cullen. I mean, come on, he’s a FICTIONAL CHARACTER, Jenny.

  52. My dead mother has done that pop-in thing as I’ve been engaged in the act of onanism. Had to watch out for that as a teen, aaaand as an adult who pays my own cable bill.

  53. One of my lit professors in college was a nun in her eighties. She said, “God is a great lover. When he wants to show you he loves you he sends you flowers.” I say that he also sends you cleverly-shaped fungi. That’s a God I can dig.

  54. You know what? I’m not at all surprised that he would start haunting people before he was even dead. He is SO that guy.

  55. Thank you for the touched up photo cuz apparently I have not imagination. Thanks for making me feel good about myself today.

  56. I’m now having visions of Edward Cullen masterbating and his ghost popping in through the wall to see what was up. The movie was awful, but thank you for the redeeming visual.

  57. That person who didn’t know who Edward Cullen was totally made my day. Laughed my ass off at this post.

    You need more drunk posts in your life.

  58. I feel very special, now, to be on your blog in a screen shot from a flickr conversation. True fact: I said to my cousin (whom I’m visiting): “Robyn! Robyn! I’m on The Bloggess!” and you KNOW that sounded good. “No seriously, I feel all internet famous and stuff. Go see!” And she did, and validated my feeling of awesomeness and all was right with the world. Tada!

  59. I can’t get my head around the fact that you were looking at the pictures upside down.

    Did you get a crick in your neck? Or were you doing some sort of headstanding yoga thing?

    I’ve got alot of photos on my laptop, and now I’m trying to work out how I’m going to go through all of them upside down so I can see if I’ve got ghosts in any of them.

    I haven’t been ghosthunting, but I live in hope.

  60. That is just like [Hysterical reference to Twilight] only with [Hysterical reference to True Blood] and 3 fingers up the a**.

    Note: Professional Commenter. YOU have been served, Yo!

  61. Despite just having written a rant about the Twilight Decor Nightmare, I totally didn’t see Edward when you tweeted it, and I thought you were talking about being upside down. Which I totally get, and then tweeted upside down pictures of my garage.

    Except, you were upside down on PURPOSE (which my garage totally wasn’t) and I was so interested in saying “I get it! I feel your pain! I am fourteen shades of sympathetic!” that I completely missed the point.

    And I’d really like to say that that was an isolated incident and that mostly I’m really in tune with people, except that is not true in any way.

    But since it’s really easy I’m just going to blame the sparkly upside down vampire.

  62. You know what though? You totally wouldn’t have to worry about the milk dropping thing because you’d be a vampire and vampires don’t eat or drink regular people food, so you wouldn’t be holding a milk jug unless you were pretending to be human like the Cullen family does… but they don’t even eat real people food. So you’re good on that one. Take THAT ghost version of you!


  63. Hey, what’s up with all the haters? While I may have an inappropriate love of trashy teenage vampire novels, I must admit, I think the reflection looks more like Robert Smith.

  64. If you were a vampire why would you be holding a milk jug, unless it was your milk jug full of human blood or tru blood that you got at Costco either way it would suck if it spilled everywhere and then you would have to use your janitor saw dust to clean it up like they did in elementary when you barfed in the classroom (not that I have experience with that).

  65. Robert Smith, Harry Potter, Edward Cullen, why not Edward Scizzorhands too? Let’s be honest, insert the pasty-faced cinematic oddball of your choice. It’s gotta be one of them, lamely skulking around upside down in a shady corner of somebody’s jpeg, right? Can’t be Han Solo or James Bond -too busy getting laid, right side up and center screen.

  66. I think it’s awesome. It would be better if this story involved me having sex with Edward Cullen but 1. You don’t know me 2. Neither does Edward Cullen 3. He’s a fictional character and 4. I don’t think you can have sex with a ghost

  67. I just have to say that I started reading your blog today (found during research of funny blogs to jog my memory of previous events for my own blog) and I have been reading your posts non-stop for approximately six hours straight….


    Thank you for making my husband think I am crazy for laughing till coffee spewed from my nasal cavities.

  68. You know, I think Edward Cullen might actually be dead, and that’s his ghost in the Twilight movies… Essentially what I’m saying is, he’s a dead guy playing a vampire (technically immortal).

    Nice work, Hollywood…

  69. Bloggess my Blogess
    don’t pine for the dead
    their junk is a mess
    and they can’t give you head

    it won’t matter if this stiff
    is as hard as a statue
    you’ll want to jump off a cliff
    if Victor should catch you

    it’s ok to let your fantasies roam
    and have your secret fav’s
    but leave the shovel at home
    and the dead in their graves

  70. I imagine i would be the one who haunted my undead vampire self and just pissed her off. OR I would become the vampire self who would be annoyed by the soul of my innocent soul. Wait…. which one am I? Thanks a lot Bloggess! Your cough medicine delusions are giving me a hypothetical identity crisis.

    I need more coffee.

  71. If ghost-you was in the same room with vampire-you, the universe would implode. Just sayin. There are rules about that paranormal shit and I think one of them is “this universe ain’t big enough for the 2 of us.”

  72. Is it bad that while I did see Edward after squinting a little, the first thing that stuck out was the penis on the wall? At first, I wasn’t sure if you were being sarcastic or not…

  73. If I were a ghost I would definitely show up randomly and upside-down in people’s photographs to freak them out on just such occasions when they were wasted and/or hopped up on the sudo.

  74. I love that there is someone out their who’s never heard of Edward Cullen. Also…how awesome you got ghosted! But of course you did…you are awesome and know zombies so why wouldn’t a ghost haunt you. It would appear that Jesus has a better press agent than Stephanie Meyers.

  75. Perhaps you’d could asked the sparkly bitch to go on the roof of the Stanley and jump; just to see if he could fly…

    Who knew Jesus had boobs!

  76. You are a mess! That is so funny! But I think I like the mushroom boobies even more. Hey, I mentioned your blog on my blog. LOL

  77. I’m glad you retouched that pic for people with little imagination…pick me pick me!
    I love Edward. Personally I’d be framing that photo upside down JUST so I could see Edward. And really, since when is Jesus more impressive than Edward. I sort of take offence to that…

  78. As a form of public service announcement, please publish the exact cold medication you consumed before publishing this post. And how much. I have been experimenting with cold medications for years and am yet to strike the balance between trippy, drooly, sleepy and sniffy. It seems like you have achieved the unthinkable.

  79. What would suck is her (your frozen in time ghost self) being all, “Tried to warn you…now you’re all old, ugly and full of elephant wrinkles. Also, gumming mashed potatoes and downing daily doses of prune juice to keep the pipes clear…definitely not sexy or desirable. Shoulda come with me THEN. Obviously, I win.”

  80. At this point, I don’t give a damn whether you are interesting in vampires, have teenagers or even like to read, just read the damn books, everyone. Its easier to get through the day when you know you aren’t going to get accidentally stumped by some twilight trivia, and I promise, the story is pretty cool.
    If you’re truly lazy, watch the movies.

  81. I’m totally one of those five people who haven’t yet read Twilight. I just got my boxed set in the mail, though.

  82. the first ps almost made me spit out my drink.

    This is why I love you.

    BTW – whatever happened to your comment of the day? Not that I’ve ever been near cool enough, but I used to have that hope… (hums dream the impossible dream softly to self)

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