I’m so on time for my weekly wrap-up that I’m half-wondering if I slept through Sunday and it’s now accidentally Monday.
This week on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):
This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
This week on Ill-advised:
- Birth plans, cannibalism, and terrible gifts for the baby Jesus. Also, I just want to point out that it’s called “Ill-advised” for a reason. Stop yelling at me.
This week on my shop (which I probably need to name):
- Death-match ~ Send this postcard to friends and family to make them think you’re having the most violently fascinating vacation ever. The back is blank but I’d suggest a simple “Wish you were here” followed by a bloody hand print. (No animals were harmed in the making of this card and in fact I was eating a vegetarian lasagna when I made it.)
- I like you. And I have a knife. ~ This card tells people you have their back and also it scares them a little, but in a good way. I plan to use this as my personal all-occasion stationary. It’s the perfect card to send to people who are dealing with difficult coworkers, angry bears or internet trolls.
- Also, I eat babies. ~ This mouse-pad is awesome because people will see it and they’ll be all “Aw, what a sweet kitty!” and then they’ll read the bottom and they’ll be all confused and they’ll back out of your office without ever giving you whatever work they wanted you to do. The cat on this mouse-pad just saved you from work. Also, it eats babies.
This week on the internets:
- Everything that happened right after comment # 101 = why I love the internet. Also, you people need to make this harder. It took me like 39 seconds to figure out who you are, James. By the way, I’m sorry you lost your bid for the House seat with only 2% of the votes in your favor. Politics are hard. When I was appointed Czar my crown was really pinchy on my head and it gave me a huge headache so I totally know your struggle.
This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
Comment of the day: Columbus Day sucks. It always starts off with me thinking it’s a holiday full of spices and riches and I walk around calling everyone Indians and then I realize I’m not where I think I am but I just keep calling everyone Indian anyway and then they all get small pox and die. ~ Mrs. P