I’d also want him to shoot me in the face for the good of humanity. It’s not *all* vanity, people.

Conversation I had this morning with my husband:

Victor: What are you doing?

me: I’m photo-shopping my picture to see what I’ll look like when I get turned into a werewolf.

Victor: *sigh*

me: I mean “if”.  If I get turned into a werewolf.  Turns out? Not such a bad look for me.  Way better than zombie-me.  Which is sort of surprising because I made zombie-me slightly emaciated and I thought I’d look better because I’d finally lose some weight but it’s sort of the least flattering look.  Which is why I’m gonna need you to shoot me in the face when I get turned into a zombie.

Victor: You want me to shoot you in the face when you get turned into a zombie…because you have self-esteem issues?

me: See, it sounds stupid when you say it.  Ooh! You know which look I can totally pull off though?  Mentally unhinged manic-depressive vampire crying tears of blood.

Victor: You planning on getting any real work done today?

me: This is part of my real work. It’s how I unwind between projects.  This what I do instead of heroin.







Then Victor went off on a rant about how this is the exact reason why I shouldn’t work from home and I agree but probably for different reasons.

I can’t be the only person who does this.

PS.  Original picture by my sweet friend Karen Walrond who probably does not appreciate this travesty one bit.

168 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I think the first one is pretty sexy!

    baxter bunny recently posted Bunnies ARE the New Rockstars!.

  2. What the deuce is the 3rd picture? Poltergeist? If I was as good at photoshop as you were, I would most definitely be doing this all day long with a door that implies ‘if you can’t handle my awesomeness please fuck off.”

    John B recently posted March Madness Pirate Orgy.

  3. Is that third one Spectral Jenny Communicating with the Dead, or Demonically Possessed Jenny Channeling Linda Blair?

    This is why you need captions.

    Or readers who are less OCD about such things.

    You know…either way.

    Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points recently posted Proctor and Gamble Owes Me 4000.

  4. Victor obviously doesn’t appreciate the toil of neglecting your actual job.

    *goes back to drawing robots with retracting genitals

    **waves as boss walks by

    moooooog35 recently posted Wrapping Up the Week - March 27- 2011.

  5. The werewolf one is cute, you look like a puppygirl or something. What is the third one? are you haunted?

  6. So the werewolf one kind of borders on the Joker from Batman……

  7. OMG, you made my morning. But, you do that a lot. It generally happens as I’m not writing. See what you do to me?! <3 u anyway!

  8. I think for once I might have to agree with Victor.

    Karen recently posted Overheard in my office and by overhead- I mean read in my email.

  9. 1. Manic-depressive vampire crying tears of blood.
    2. Happy zombie (day 4)
    3. Active haunting/possible astral projection.
    4. Attacked by werewolf. Infection setting in.
    5. First 15 seconds of the full moon.

  10. You have Joker cheeks. just saying. Shop yourself as The Joker. From Batman. Do it.

  11. I really think the werewolf look works for you.

  12. If I had Photoshop skills and a picture of myself where I don’t look crosseyed and sad I would totally be doing this at work.

    which would probably get me fired.

    so I’m thinking its not a BAD thing I can’t do this just, you know… disappointing. For me.

    Not so much anyone else now that I think about it.

    Lady B recently posted My life as a pioneer.

  13. I actually did make myself into a zombie. A couple of times.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/green_jack/368108765/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/green_jack/361260099/

    And I’ve planned a whole werewolf transformation and things.

    You’re not so strange.

    Adam recently posted Charity Story.

  14. A) I am so jealous of your photoshop skills. You’re a really hot werewolf. But it’s a good thing you didn’t show the back hair. Back hair = not sexy.

    B) I vote you replace your current door with a glass door. Then next time Victor wanders in uninvited, he splats into the glass door like that time my friend’s sister tried to walk through a glass wall to exit Claires and broke several teeth. We’ll see who’s laughing when he has to gum his food…

  15. I TOTALLY do junk like this in my spare time. I just wish I had better photos of me. I have to do pencil sketches instead. You really should do a steam-punk cyborg picture of you. You already got the tophat, right?

  16. Look, lady. You need to stop sneaking around listening to the conversations I have with my husband.

    What happens if you turn into a vampire zombie werewolf? There’s no point in even trying to get any real work done today.

  17. Here’s how sick I am: I don’t do this but wish I did, because it sounds like a pretty great way to spend the morning. Signed, the girl who will spend the rest of the day wondering what she would look like as a werewolf.

  18. LIza manelli, cabaret.

  19. I dig on the werewolf, and what a lot of money we could all save on waxing with such a look. Glad to find you, I have come across your name several times in my blog travels of late. I also work (or don’t at times) work from home, so I can fully appreciate how researching for inane bullshit (Like Neil Diamond’s real name) can completely overwhelm my actual to-do list. And any housework. And laundry. And making dinner.

    I haven’t actually been in my office for a while now. And, there is no door on the couch.

    The Onion

  20. Totally normal and actually a really smart thing to do. I mean, what if you turn into a werewolf? Then you can be all, “You should have paid closer attention to my photoshopped pictures, then this wouldn’t be such a shock. Please stop with the screaming and the running away.”

  21. The canines definitely need to be longer. Also suggest more hair on the chin and chest, and back of hands. Try making the finger nails into claws. You have the happy manic look down. Showing up looking like that would make me shit in my pants.

  22. I’ve never done that to my photos, before NOW. Going forward, however… things will be different.

  23. I’m going to sound like a lemming here – but I too admire your mad Photo Shop skills. I have a Mac version on my computer and haven’t even tried to learn how to use. What a wimp. Now motivated to open it up and attempt a Zombie look myself. This blog is SOOOO inspirational!

  24. Everything around me implies my awesomeness. Open doors, unmade beds, whatever. I can’t help it if other people don’t recognize it. I think it’s caused by their comparative lack of awesomeness. Totally not my fault. – I bet you understand that, you know, because you’re awesome. We will have to stick together on such issues.

  25. I like the one where the infection is setting in. I just *see* the evil starting to come up behind your eyes. And it took me a few looks to realize the last one has werewolf ears. Yeah, I’m swift like that.

    Andrea recently posted Walking away.

  26. I need a monster makeover.
    Sadly, I already have the fangs for it. Ask Karen. She shot me, too. With a camera, I mean. Not in the face with a gun. Although, given a second chance, who knows what she’d do?

    Daddy Scratches recently posted CandlesThe preceding title is Exhibit A in the case of The Day Job That Sucked The Creativity Out of Me.

  27. No, you’re definitely not the only one who spends your time this way. I prefer though to distort pictures of those who’ve pissed me off most recently. It’s quite gratifying actually. The liquify tool is my favorite!

    Angie recently posted Goodbye- Friends.

  28. Haha! “This is what I do instead of heroin.” … That’s kind of my reasoning behind eating cake. You tell Victor it could be so much worse. Photo- shopping hardly adds junk to the trunk 🙂

  29. Love the active haunting pic!

    I feel Victor may be jealous that he doesn’t have pictures of himself and a zombie or werewolf. Be more sensitive to his needs and make him a sexy ghost wearing an awesome fedora!!

    June with a Cleaver recently posted An Open Letter To The Mean Kids I Went To School With.

  30. The werewolf within 15 minutes of the full moon is my favorite, for sure. The vampire one is pretty good too, though.

    Kendahl recently posted Finally Friday! Which means nothing because every day is like a weekend to me now.

  31. uh…Jenny…don’t look now, but I think that Mary, or Mother Theresa or someone is haunting you in that 3rd picture….that’s kinda scary.

  32. Well…motherfucker…you already addressed it…shit. NEVERMIND!!!!!!!! And you’d make a totally fucking HAWT Vampire…and I mean that in the most heterosexual way, of course….not that there’s anything wrong with that, and if I swung that way…I’d totally put the moves on you…but then Victor would probably get all stabby at me and we can’t have a stabbed up Carm walking around…and I say WALKING AROUND because I’d obviously be a member of the UNDEAD if I was still walking around after getting stabbed like crazy from your hubs. OBVIOUSLY!

    Carmsblog recently posted Anticipation…is a BITCH!.

  33. I like to photoshop myself in various sexual positions with my dentist to desensitize myself from the horror of a root canal. But I find it makes the situation awkward for him if you bring them with you to your appointment. But hey…I think we should BOTH be uncomfortable during my root canal. Not just me. He does draw the line when it comes to me taping it to the light thing that he hovers over my face…so I tape it to his forehead instead.

    Mrs. P recently posted When it talks to me now- I totally understand.

  34. The first one is deffinitely the best of them. You should make it into your permanent profile or something.

  35. Glad to see pic 4 starts the hair around the eyes, just think if it started with a werewolf stach, people might not realize you are turning and think you just forgot to wax your stach.

    Kimmy recently posted mentali.

  36. Honestly? This morning I had a conversation about the merits of shooting a person with a Crossbow versus a Combine bow. So no, you’re not the only one who has conversations like that. It’s just that you, and me, admit to it.

    You look hella good with facial hair.

    Me…not so much. And I’ve never met a Zombie I liked…YET!

    Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) recently posted In which i get second guessed.

  37. oh God, now I’m thinking about which picture I can upload into Photoshop so I can try to turn myself into an OCD zombie .. wait, can zombies be OCD??!! Okay, maybe an OCD vampire queen — I KNOW queens are OCD!

  38. 38

    Busted! Instead of working on articles for a quickly approaching deadline, I’ve spent the morning giving myself 80’s makeup in Photoshop. Gotta say, I look pretty bitchin’ though.

  39. Victor really needs to take a chill pill. Deadlines are for wussies.

    Besides doing all that photoshopping..really looks like a lot of work to me. Priorities, Victor, priorities.

  40. 40
    T.J. von Glinde

    Added to celebrity PR pitch countermeasures:
    – High Res picture of Jenny in the first fifteen seconds of a full moon after having been infected with lycanthropy. …with a flower.
    – High Res picture of Jenny in an undead state (slightly emaciated) mere moments before Victor shoots her in the face (for sympathetic vanity reasons). …with a flower.

  41. I actually think you look really cute as a zombie…. But my eyeballs are made of anorexia, so my opinion totally doesn’t count.
    On a happy note, if I were a zombie I would never eat babies because they’re super fatty.

    Jamie the Very Worst Missionary recently posted Fighting- but not.

  42. Some people work better under pressure. And a far off deadline doesn’t yield much pressure, now, does it? So really, this is absolute professionalism. If you were working, you wouldn’t be doing your best work.

    I don’t do this to my face, by the way, but my bearded dragon has Godzilla-ed most of the cities I have found on the interwebs.

    Kitten Thunder's Girl recently posted Cats in carriers- cats in copper.

  43. I’m liking the happy zombie pic. It kind of says “These brains taste awesome”.

    Of course, it would be funnier with profanity. “These brains taste fucking awesome!”

    Kay Bee recently posted Identity Crisis.

  44. I also think you should photoshop yourself as a unicorn, in case they win against the zombies and you have to live among them in disguise.

    Betty Fokker recently posted Free Your Mind Via “Killing Us Softly”.

  45. You need to add a trampy/vampy low cut top to your vampire look. Aren’t all vampires blood sucking whores? 🙂

    Caroline recently posted Would You Like a Side of Crack with Your Crack.

  46. I agree, I think you’d make a kick-ass manic depressive vampire! Self-defeating time wastage is only misunderstood by those not being medicated for the condition (losers!). I was going to tweet earlier in the week that I was listening to ‘Raise Your Glass’ by Pink and it made me think of you BUT I didn’t think anyone would understand. After reading this post – Yeah, I think they’ll get it (HA HA HA)

    ‘Raise your glass, if you are wrong
    In all the right ways
    All my underdogs, we will never be, never be
    Anything but loud
    And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks!’

    …Or maybe it’s still just me, ah well, love you anyway Bloggess BECAUSE of your weirdness and not despite of it.

    Helga Pearson recently posted My apron- my apron….

  47. –>I think you should change out the flower for a bone. Then you’ll set the tone to other werewolves that you don’t mess around.

    WebSavvyMom recently posted Im Proud To Be A Step-Monster.

  48. I’d probably do it if I had any pictures of myself where I didn’t ALREADY look like a zombie. I’m totally saving myself a buttload of time and I never realized it. Yet another thing to be thankful for.

  49. Making those pictures was totally real work. The only alternative to real work is imaginary work, where you only THINK about doing things. Way to be proactive, you go-getter, you!

    Angela@beggingtheanswer recently posted A Worthwhile Endeavor.

  50. Husband’s just never do “Get It”. I have the same problem…

    The Escrow Goddess recently posted Adventures in SkiingFace Plants- Trees and Straddle Splits.

  51. I can’t decide if I like you better as Manic-depressive vampire crying tears of blood or First 15 seconds of the full moon. But you’ve got some serious skills.

  52. Hey, your blood spatter kinda looks like a Canadian Maple Leaf, rock on sista!

    Theresa recently posted I Got a New Girl Now….

  53. Old Catskills Werewolf joke: I once dated a werewolf. She was very nice, but in bed, she made me itchy.

    Neil recently posted The Evolution of Friendship on Social Media.

  54. I wish my wife let me keep my door on my office… like… at all.

    You should totally get a huge poster print of those pictures and do it up all Warhol style.

    Tim recently posted Have I mentioned she’s a saint.

  55. Totally awesome! If I could find the time to learn photoshop, I would be doing this to photos of myself, husband and kids–totally ignoring all pressing deadlines (like I am now) and I would leave the door open and hand a bottle of tequila and a shot class over the door for people to use before they entered the den of awesome.

    The Dalai Mama recently posted It’s Friday.

  56. I think Victors’s right about the you working from home part.

    alexandra recently posted Sunday Best - How Do You Decide To Homeschool.

  57. If you have a choice? Stick with the vampire look. Vampires are sexy and they have fun hunting and torturing their prey. They also have a wicked sense of style. Zombies do not have fun. They look miserable…and the smell of rotting flesh is gross. And they can’t accessorize worth shit. I don’t think being a werewolf seems worthwhile either. First of all it always looks like the transformation hurts like hell. I hate pain. And then you’re really nothing more than an overgrown dog. Not very GLAM. I never thought much about being a ghost. Although now that I think about it, what would you do all day? Hanging around slamming doors and creating cold breezes seems pretty dull to me. Anyhow, that’s my take on your project. Hope it helped.

    Lori stefanac recently posted “…And Who Do I Make This Out To”.

  58. You are an artist.

    mrtl recently posted Swan Lake May 2- 2009.

  59. You are the cutest, sassiest freakin werewolf. Very impressive 😉

    Heather/muirnait recently posted Whitewashing the Fence.

  60. Why are zombies happy on day 4? I tmeotally agree with Rachel about the glass door. It would never get old. Except that you’d probably feel compelled to keep it really clean so that it was invisible, and you’d end up spending your not-taking-heroin time cleaning the door instead of on photoshop. It’s a hard one.

    sandrine recently posted Free Will and Spiders.

  61. I guarantee that the only reason I am able to keep a job, pay my bills, maintain personal relationships and an active sex life is because I do not know how to use photoshop.

    The mind reels at all the stuff I could make Gary Busey do if only I were able to master photoshop.

  62. I had BIG PLANS to get some shit done today. Now I’m wasting all my time photoshopping myself into random shit. Now I need a magical door of implication.

    Jessica recently posted Warning Signs are Like Invitations.

  63. I think you look like someone from A Clockwork Orange in the first picture but in a really hot sexy way. Now we just need to photoshop you on a giant penis sculpture. Except mine is otherwise occupado. Which I am guessing that since mine is used you probably want nothing to do with it. So this whole comment is really just a terrible idea.

    You look hot.

    In all of the them.

    And now maybe I am a creepy stalker.

    Oh well. C’est La Vie.

    A Vapid Blonde recently posted Why You Should Think Twice About Sending That Chain Email- A PSA From Me.

  64. Avoiding work is an art. Victor is just jealous.

    I, myself, am good enough at it that I have been able to successfully convince my family that socks are stupid and unnecessary.

    One must do what onemust do when there are four back-to-back episodes of Cash Cab on.

  65. Can you do one of you as Jenny on the drug Charlie Sheen?

    Elly Lou recently posted Friday I’m in Uke aka the one where you can win a hand painted ukulele- baby.

  66. You’re right. You make a bitchin crying vampire. Ooh, I’d even hit on you in the blood teary eyed vamp!

    Nikki Rules recently posted Cool Gang But Can I Qualify.

  67. Doors can imply a lot:
    Slightly ajar- “Come in if you have beer.” or “Stay out if you are lame or are planning on asking me hard questions.”
    Open- “I don’t like feeling trapped in a room and need to be able to flee quickly (without fumbling with doorknobs) in case of a zombie attack.”
    Closed- “I’m sleeping and I don’t want to hear the cat/dog licking itself.”

    I understand that deadline thing- we need our privacy to be productive, which is why, while the kids are napping, I am reading this instead of cleaning my house.

    Johi recently posted Cousins!!! and another Gluten Free Crock Pot Recipe.

  68. You are a pretty hot werewolf. I’d let you turn me.

  69. Too bad you didn’t think of this back when you were in high school- your senior picture would’ve been awesome!

    SuzRocks recently posted Spooning Alligators and Other Reasons You Should Visit Fort Lauderdale.

  70. I once photoshopped the super-awesome 80s school photo laser background into my professional photo. I’m seriously considering using it on my LinkedIn profile.

    I’d go vampire if I were you. Very sexy.

  71. Can’t say I have ever done this…. thats my evening planned!!!

  72. I bow to your amazing photoshop skills……….

    Kelly recently posted I Love To Laugh.

  73. I vote for vampire with tears of blood, defintely… Tell Victor that maybe he needs to close HIS door… 😉

    Dana recently posted Week In Review- Is it Desperate that I Ate A Square of Baking Chocolate.

  74. I think that must be the manic state of manic depressive vampire. You should do a depressed vanpire, too. I think it may be slightly scarier. This one does look rather joker-eqsue

    Becky recently posted Baby E is 6 months old!.

  75. I wish my girlfriends would turn into Werewolves. I love those eyes! Ah-oooooohhh!

  76. I spend waaaaaaaaay too much time alone with Picnik. As soon as our tax return comes in I am expecting a sigh of resignation from my own husband when I “suddenly” decide I need real photoshop.

    Jodi recently posted Okay Mrs Ranty Pants.

  77. How is honing your photo shop skills not work related? Seems to me he’s the one wandering around and you are the one working diligently at furthering your career through practice & education. Clearly Victor needs to lay off the morphine cart!

    PS – I will take the cart off your hands if he’s done with it!

    cursingmama recently posted The Golden Rules.


    SHARI recently posted Aveeno Clear Complexion Pads Review.

  79. There is an app for that….really its called zombie booth or something so you can’t be the only one doing it if they made it into an app 🙂

  80. my keyboard is a ditz or maybe it’s me no it’s definetly the keyboard …i’m totally not screaming at you i’d never do that !!! love ur blog and like I said I love the third picture!!! you can just delete the first post…lol

    shari recently posted Aveeno Clear Complexion Pads Review.

  81. One might think that Victor doesn’t see you as do we.

    I adore these photos, I’m a bit pouty that you manage to look fabulous in all of them while I look like I’ve had a run-on with a rabid lawnmower in even the best of mine.

    Penbleth recently posted Mostly silent Sunday by the sea.

  82. Victor must need more morphine. He needs to calm the fuck down. He obviously does not understand/has no appreciation for the creative process. Thank god my husband is too afraid I’ll cover his face with a pillow while he sleeps to make critical remarks about my relaxation habits. Because I need a lot of relaxation.

    You are a totally sassy werewolf. I vote werewolf. Vampires and zombies are done to death (believe me, pun NOT intended!). The world needs more girl werewolves. Now that I think of it, I don’t even know of any girl werewolves. Stupid chauvinist asshole werewolves, trying to keep women out of their exclusive boys only werewolf clubs. You’ll show them!

  83. Dude, I always turn to zombiefying pictures of myself when I have looming deadlines. What else is a girl to do? The best online tool for it is at ZombieConnect.com, which is totally a dating site for zombies. I shit you not. You don’t have to sign up to do a picture, but every time I’m on there fucking around with the zombie creator, I think about it. I’m saving it for the day I truly hit rock bottom.

    Braaaaaaains: http://www.aftergraduation.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/allison-zombie-2.jpg

    I know what I’m doing for the next hour and a half.

    Also, I’m totally not a spammy promoter for Zombie Connect or anything. I just appreciate them as the best zombie creation tool out there. Which probably makes me really sad because I’ve actually sat down to compare zombie creator tools.

    This is rock bottom, isn’t it?

    Allison recently posted How to Be Less of a Disaster when Making Decisions.

  84. Rawr!

  85. The unidentified splatter of blood in the second picture is awesome.

    Rachael recently posted We terrify waiters and I’m a midget ant.

  86. Doesn’t Victor understand that the creative process is happening all the while you are ‘procrastinating’? He’s such a philistine. He’d better hope the zombie and/or werewolf apocalypse gives him a chance to prove his worth, because he’s kind of a downer, frankly.

    Boppie recently posted Its a 4-way Finale on DWTS this season.

  87. The reflection in the background of picture three is probably the most hilarious thing I’ve seen all year and I DON’T KNOW WHY! (I need therapy).

    I think you make a most fetching werewolf. Better than a zombie. Is there any way you could combine them both and become some kind of world-dominating, child-scaring, gumball-dispensing Zomwolf? (<— I used to have one of those as a pet. It ate my mother.)

    Spalderdash recently posted How to Rescue a Hamster from a Fireplace Rated 18.

  88. I kinda like the hairy you… in a non rudie kinda way of course! That look definitely works for you.

  89. ALL good looks for you.
    I’d like to see these become options at the DMV when we do our driver’s license photos.

    Steph recently posted I Prefer My Birds Fried in a Bucket- Extra Crispy Style.

  90. I’m sorry, but isn’t it your job to be The Bloggess? Responsibilities of which include writing this blog? And then you used said “wasted time” photoshop images on this blog? How does this mean you were not working? Wth, Victor?

    Also, if Jodee (#77) ever offers an online class in How to Make Your Husband Too Afraid that You Will Cover His Face with a Pillow While He Sleeps to Make Critical Remarks About Your Relaxation Habits Because You Need a Lot of Relaxation I’m going to take it. That would rock as hard as Werewolf Bloggess.

    Also also, sorry for all the questions in the first paragraph. I’ve never done that before and am kind of amazed at myself.

    Also also also, CommentLuv rocks, but I haven’t posted in so long that I’m embarrassed. That’s not love, CommentLuv, it’s just guilt.

  91. The werewolf looks awesome! Too awesome. Is this whole post just to keep us from finding out the realy circumstances that led to Victor’s arm being part machine now?!

    SisterMerryHellish recently posted Butter Cream Frosting And Sun Screen.

  92. In the second photo down, you kind of look like the chimney sweep in Mary Poppins. Only a murderous, slightly psychotic version.

    iampisspot recently posted UPDATED this blog was never intended to be the final destination for sofia vergara naked inspired google searches- but it’s somehow become that way- so i’m gonna roll with it.

  93. Victor *clearly* needs some lessons on how to provide support.

    Carolyn recently posted SOMEONES HOLDING MY FREAKIN MOJO FOR RANSOM!!!!!!! NO KIDDING!!!!.

  94. To me, the first pic says “Murderous Mime”, and I am still. fucking. screaming.

    Julie the Wife recently posted Seeking Stove Assassin.

  95. If all these damn zombie apolcalypse dreams I’ve been having are any indication, me and my offspring will survive. No one will have to worry about shooting ME in the head. And my two year-old? He will totally blow you to pieces with his miniature sawed-off shotgun.

    Chelsie recently posted Movin’ on up.

  96. Here’s the real question: when you get turned into a werewolf are you going to shave or go au natural?

  97. Very sexy! Love them all! I think you make a totally hot mentally-unhinged-manic-depressive-werewolf-vampire-on-meds.

    Kernut the Blond recently posted Playing With Matches on Matchcom.

  98. I have a door to my office, and when it’s closed, husband assumes I’m taking a nap, which I never do in my office during the day, because I have a bedroom for that. I have a recliner chair in my office because I had him put one in here to sleep in when I was sick so he wouldn’t get sick, which is totally selfless of me, since he gave me the cold in the first damn place. I’ve been over the cold for a month now, but the recliner is still in here because he hasn’t taken it out, so just because he’s going to assume so anyway, I’m going to close the door and take a nap. That’ll teach him.

    Barbara recently posted The Cat Letters.

  99. That first photo has a definite Rocky Horror vibe to it. Thumbs up for that. 🙂

  100. The reason you’re so spoiled is that you’re so god-durn cute!

    Fred Miller recently posted Funniest Karate Punch Ever.

  101. At least you’re using Photo Shop appropriately, instead of placing your face on red-carpet starlets like all my friends do.

    The Queer Next Door recently posted Blue- Pink- Orange- Purple- Green.

  102. My husband: “This is you on so many levels. OMG”

    shannongc09 recently posted A Photo-Less Update.

  103. I do not have any lovely and glamorous photos of myself that would lend themselves to such shenanigans. I’d have to live with adding blood smears and hairy patches to blurry motion shots of myself, slackjawed and holding a drink at some party. Like the respectable old lady I am.

    Rev. Back It On Up 13 recently posted That which doesnt kill you may fucking freak you out.

  104. I don’t think your husband realizes how selfless it is for you to cover your bases when it comes to handling zombification.

    Everyone’s making comments about how adorable you look (and you do), but still… ZOMBIE! It’s not like you’d necessarily understand that you were decomposing and your attractiveness would alter as you decay. If Victor is not willing to be selfless enough to take the role of justicar, you should probably make a pack with an effeminate male friend that still has the upper arm strength to wield both an axe and a firearm. He won’t be afraid to tell you that death isn’t a good color for you and he’d be willing to do it.

    Ali @Cranialspasm recently posted Tarzan is a Dick and Other Ramblings of My Coffee Addled Brain.

  105. I’ve been thinking about this while not taking a nap: Werewolf is the way to go, because one day a month you have a great excuse for being totally bitchy, and if someone says anything about it, you can literally rip their head off. Bonus.

    Barbara recently posted The Cat Letters.

  106. 106
    The Original Lisa

    #1 looks like you are a mime with Ebola. That’s what you were going for right?

  107. So…Victor stays with you cause you’re hot? My hubby stays with me because I’m hot (or scared…) I think I’m funny…but turns out I’m more of an asshole…Asshole = Funny , Right?

    I’m diggin’ the werewolf look. You will be the only person prepared for when that happens…

  108. You people really need IM. Saves my WAH marriage every single day.

    Victoria Mixon recently posted 1 Out of 4 Frequently Asked Questions—Answered.

  109. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

  110. Yep….you might be the only one:)

  111. good lord. as i am in Australia, by the time i get here, all the good comments are taken. i have been reduced to just spouting random Aussie slang instead of being clever. everyone likes Australians.
    g’day. crikey. blokes and sheilas. derro westie zombie went troppo when i nicked his tinnies. yer right, mate. chuggers.

  112. Victor needs to push the button again on that morphine pump. He’s obviously in too much pain to realize the sheer brilliance of all of this! Or maybe you just need photoshop him as a werewolf.. then he would get it!!

    Holly B recently posted And Then I Was Like Uhhh.

  113. Stuff throughout my house *implies* meaning to Hubby all the time.

    The coffee table implies “Get your effing stumpy feet off me, you douche canoe”
    The laundry hamper implies “C’mon, man, I’m RIGHT HERE. Use me for ONCE. Please. Seriously.”
    The toilet implies “Even *I* know I’m disgusting. Do something about that,would you?”

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted Somebody get me a time machine.

  114. Doors can’t imply, but people can infer, Victor. Way to blame the inanimate. And Jenny, your werewolf picture is really making me regret all that money I spent on laser hair removal. Turns out the hirsute are kinda hot.

  115. 115
    Stephanie Smirnov

    Hey Moonemperor, if that *is* your real name: bob’s your uncle. As for you, Jenny, am thinking werewolf look obviates need for Confidence Wig?

    Stephanie Smirnov recently posted Matryoshka Monday- Tarantino Edition.

  116. I am going with the werewolf one…the best. However, I fear the transformation might be painful. But if nothing else you can turn Victor at the same time and proclaim, “I told you so.” It counts as a win for you.

    Jeane recently posted Decades of Dating Series-Dating in your 20s.

  117. I couldn’t use Photoshop if Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom were the prizes at the end of me figuring it out. Zombie Jenny is my least favourite since my fear of zombies stems from watching “The Making of Thriller” in 2nd grade. Huz and I have an agreement that, in case of Zombie Apocalypse, he has permission to shoot me in the head and vice versa. Gotta tell ya, though, if he makes me watch one more college basketball game, I’m going to play a new game called “Zombie Apocalypse.”

    Amy recently posted In Which Amy Watches Early March Snow Accumulate.

  118. I spent all day editting pictures of myself. Sadly, I can’t afford Photoshop and the Paint program does horrible werewolf fur. Happily, it does do bright blue eyeshadow well. So now cool werewolf/zombie pics for me. I settled for Drag Queen. 🙁

    God, I need a real job.

    Renee recently posted Drama Drama Drama!.

  119. Crap…. NO cool werewolf/zombie pics… not NOW…

    Shit… I can’t even afford spellcheck…

    Renee recently posted Drama Drama Drama!.

  120. The first one and the werewolf one are all kinds of fabulous. 🙂

    Kait (Tampon In A Teacup) recently posted My week in bullet points- March 14-20- 2011.

  121. Dude, making a picture of your bad-ass self as a werewolf? There can’t be a deader line than that! (Other than “You’re the reason this chicken crossed the road”, of course.)


    EdT. recently posted “Tough Love” Should Not Equal “Tough ”.

  122. Great. Now I’m going to have “Thriller” in my head for the rest of the night.

    Karen from Chookooloonks recently posted galveston- oh galveston.

  123. The last one totally creeps me out. Thanks in advance for my nightmare, Jenny.

    Brenna recently posted The Girl tries to sort out that whole death thing.

  124. I like the onset of an werewolf the best. Wish you could have made one for what you would look like if you were bitten by a werewolf under the Super Moon.

    subWOW recently posted Can’t Hardly Wait.

  125. Btw, congratulations for winning the Shorty Award for Politics!

    So whose cause will you be championing now? Since being a zombie actually does not make you look as good as you thought you would, are you abandoning their cause now and taking on speaking up for the werewolves? This is like X Men to me for some reason…

    subWOW recently posted Can’t Hardly Wait.

  126. You *do* make a pretty hot manic depressive vampire with blood tears dripping down your face.

    Just sayin’.

    By the way, if Victor ever divorces you AND I magically become a lesbian, I would totally date you.

    Brooke Farmer recently posted Minor Panic No Big Deal.

  127. I’m glad I’m not the only one who fucks off when they are supposed to be working at home. My day is like: an hour for checking mail and bank crap, wandering around deciding what to have for lunch, work, check Facebook, work, check Facebook, watch a Lifetime movie, play Words with Friends (sundogkim, you all), work, take a nap.

    Karsun recently posted Couple of Short Conversations.

  128. It is sooo obvious that the werewolf pic is the most sexies of them all…

    the Constantly Dramatic One recently posted Close encounter of the creepy kind.

  129. For sure I think the angsty blood from the eyes vampire is a good look for you. As for other people doing that, I don’t, but I do spend absurd amounts of time looking at other people’s pictures on Facebook. People I barely know. Okay, sometimes people I don’t know at all, while trying to piece together all the intimate details of their lives. But I’m a private investigator. No. No, I’m not. It sounded better that way, though, right?

    Lacie recently posted I Live In A Bikini.

  130. Kind of Andy Warhol meets Rick Baker,
    or maybe
    Rick Baker tea-bags Andy Warhol -yeah, that’s the ticket.

    If I Were God... recently posted The World Map of Penis Sizes.

  131. Hey, didn’t I see you in A Clockwork Werewolf?

    Suniverse recently posted The Week in Review AND THE BIG WINNER!!.

  132. Why am I suddenly attracted to a werewolf!? I’m gonna go turn myself into a werewolf on photoshop now…no doubt I will just end looking like a hairier, uglier version of myself. I shall, however, try. If it is a success, I will be forced to upload it as a profile picture for as many dating agencies as I can find. Wonder what kind of response I get?

    hyperpringle.blogspot.com – A Comical Take On Life

    Jon recently posted The Budget- More Protests and Upside Down Dogs.

  133. Oh my goodness! I just found this, it is a severed finger cat toy! This is one place I thought people would appreciate this. 🙂 Here is where I found it: http://www.etsy.com/listing/50497707/severed-finger-cat-toy-ready-to-ship?ref=cat2_gallery_8

  134. Wolf it up! Very sexy. You match my unshaven were-legs..

    Sidney recently posted My Exciting Weekend.

  135. Okay, so I know it’s the “in” thing to love vampires and werewolves. I totally get it. But here’s the thing… I’m from Africa, and we believe in the Tokoloshe (tok-o-losh). He’s way, way cooler. He has a voracious sexual appetite and he’s had his way with women all over the continent. In fact, everyone (and I mean everyone) sleeps with their beds on bricks because he’s really short and it makes it impossible for him to jump onto the bed. I shit you not. He’s a cross between a zombie, poltergeist, and a gremlin. Nobody has ever seen a Tokoloshe and survived the experience (he’s *that* good), but apparently he looks like a baboon-like creature, with a bit of Steven-King-teddy-bear thrown in for good measure.

    You’re welcome.

    Claire Gutschow recently posted Ive spawned a dictator.

  136. before I saw the photos, I wanted to respond to this “Mentally unhinged manic-depressive vampire crying tears of blood.” And tell you that gives me a female Tom Cruise as Lestat visual. This is not good, let teh vampire thing go!

    I am with William here on the Liza- Cabaret thing, except knowing your persona (as much as a newbie commenter can) I’d go all Clockwork Orange for comparison.
    But then Suniverse beat me too it, Well Played! What can i say, I’m bogged down with the flu today and lucky to be upright.

    Either way- seksi SEKSI halloween costume.

    LA Juice recently posted Mothra Faulkner- Swearing- Spaulding’s 4th grade and Shame.

  137. 137

    Victor should be glad that you work from home just so he knows where the hell you are and what you are doing.

    Now that he has a steel plate in his arm you ever think of getting a really BIG magnet…

  138. u r not alone.
    my version
    far less artful but a bit more unhinged
    ps i was not avoiding a deadline but WAS delaying the hundredth round of ‘playing thomas’ with my 3yo

    Christine recently posted Is This The Little Boy I Carried.

  139. No. No you are not the only person. I look pale & blood sucky as a vampire myself, which I took all of 4 hours doing while neglecting mundane tasks. Worth it? Yep!!!!

  140. Are you kidding? These shots are like cash in the bank.

    You aren’t the only one. I got in trouble last week, when I spent my “writing time” photo shopping a picture of Dorothy Hammill’s crotch and renaming it “DOROTHY HAMMELTOE”.

    bschooled recently posted Ed.

  141. Ummm…I could look like anyone of these photos any given day WITHOUT Photo Shop. This is exactly why I NEED Photo Shop.

    Lookie Lou recently posted Yikes! Great Dane gives birth to 17 pups.

  142. Sadly, if I skip my electrolysis appts. for a cuple of months I look much the same without the aid of technology.

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Dragging out my soapbox again- Just WTF is this woman thinking.

  143. No. You ARE the only person who does that.

  144. Victor sounds an awful lot like The Man. He’s all “What are you working on?” and I’m all *Alt+Tab* “Making millions, honey!”

    Crap, I think I hear him coming.

  145. Those are all good looks for you, actually. It must be very comforting to know that no matter what attacks you and turns you into something else, you will look great. When the time comes… I think if you could work it out to so that you turned into a werewolf, that would be the best way to go.

    Jacqui recently posted An Open Letter To Lawyers.

  146. Nobody wants to be an ugly undead corpse trolling for brains.

  147. OMG Jenny, you totally need to re-do this conversation with Cleverbot. It’s at Cleverbot.com. You will have hours of meaningless conversation with a computer and you will like it. You’re welcome.

  148. You are correct, it’s not such a bad look at all! Of course, I think normal, unmangled/slashed/undead you is the prettiest. :p

    Wednesday recently posted Theyre evolving.

  149. The real question here is why isn’t victor more concerned about how he’s going to deal with a werewolf in the house.

    Leaf Probably recently posted What do you believe in.

  150. Hmmm. Mainly, I quite like your renditions, but perhaps they could use a touch of misery to counter-balance the maniacally gleeful expression? Funny how a little eye-blood and/or forehead-gouges can turn a happy face into a crazy face 🙂

  151. Dude, the werewolf picture looks absolutely sexy! =D
    The grin’s impish and the rest looks like China! Start hanging around motorist bars from now (feeble TrueBlood reference =P).

  152. By the way, this morning I looked in the mirror and I was definately #3. But, thanks to your informative post, I can now compare myself to Photo Shopped pictures…and laugh.

    Lookie Lou, TPPC.tv Web TV for Pet Lovers recently posted Celebrity Pets- Charlie Sheen allegedly starved his pug to death.

  153. How is he going to shoot you in the face with a broken arm???? Is VIctor ambidexterous and you have been holding out on us?

    momiss recently posted Throw down over Alzheimers.

  154. If my eyebrows keep growing out of my chin, I will have the same look. Almost.

    ~sWaMpY~ recently posted Wordless Wednesday- Pitty Patty Puppy Prints.

  155. If you can blog about it, it totally counts as being productive. At least I hope so, because that’s how I’ve been defining it. Werewolf is a great look for you. Also it means people have to run both when there’s a full moon and when you’re feeling stabby, which puts you a step closer to world domination. Logic.

    Molly recently posted Fun Times in the Parking Lot.

  156. I like the vampire & werewolf looks best. I also promise to shoot you in the face should you ever become a zombie.

    Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity recently posted Dear People Who Used To Occupy My House.

  157. Ha ha!! I so totally photoshop myself whenever I’m bored…
    Also when I’m not bored…
    Also when I have previously planned it on the train to work that morning and have spent the entire day imagining how awesome my evening is going to be when I finally get home and can access my computer.

  158. “Life is not a support-system for art. It’s the other way around” –Stephen King

    Sounds to me like Steve is on your side, ma chère…

    The Pliers recently posted Reading the Bullet Holes on the Wall.

  159. That first picture immediately made me think Clockwork Orange. You could be the female version if they ever remake it. Some people can’t appreciate how a creative mind works. 😉

    Melinda recently posted Stick Figure Pictures Hanging in the Louvre.

  160. AWESOME.

    Elrona recently posted Little Bean.

  161. Loved the “this is what I do instead of heroin” bit!

    Memoirs of a Single Dad recently posted Poll Results for 4-1-11 – Mommy vs Daddy Bloggers.

  162. If there ever was a moment in my life when I truly admired your craziness, now would be that time.

  163. LOVE THIS: This what I do instead of heroin.

    leslie (crookedstamper) recently posted Jingle Belles Rock - Week 14 - Batman Smells.

  164. This. Is. Freaking Fabulous.

    Angel recently posted ABCs of Angel.

  165. 165

    Yours have mildly higher production values than mine.. but I used to have a mild obsession with using mspaint to transform pictures of myself into frankenstein and/or devils.

  166. You should have replaced the flower with some meaty part of something freshly killed 😉

  167. I like the last one which totally looks like a black swan. Sorry, but it’s what it appears to me, didn’t mean to ruin up your day. There could a lot of careers waiting to be discovered on online jobs where you earn a lot from it but as well as you gain knowledge while working.

    Myrna recently posted onion juice for hair regrowth.

  168. I can totally understand the whole implication of the door being shut. I used to work with MB who we called Bob. We decided that when we asked her how to spell Bob, she would say, “I spell Bob M,B. The ‘M’ is silent and the ‘o’ is implied.”

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