It’s a nice day for a (James Garfield) wedding.

If you’re a first-time reader this will all seem incredibly strange and disorienting and you should probably just come back tomorrow, but if you know the mighty saga of  James Garfield then totally stick around.

The glorious taxidermied head of James Garfield has been responsible for a great many unintentional social-media miracles since the day I forced Victor to rescue him from dismemberment (not the least of which was the time when he inadvertently raised $42,000 to help people buy Christmas gifts for their kids and then ended up on Canadian TV for some reason) but today he adds “accidental matchmaker” to his list of accomplishments.

Once, years ago, an adorable man (and dedicated reader) bought a James Garfield holiday card for a beautiful woman (also a long-time reader) with the express intent of catching her attention.  At the time I mentioned to him that sending a mildly profane holiday card with a dead boar head on it was probably the worst seduction plan ever invented, but he was adamant that it would work.   And apparently he was right, because a few minutes ago that same man asked that same woman to be his wife. And she just said “yes”.

Congrats to the bad-ass couple.

This is supposed to be a picture of James Garfield dressed for a wedding. Victor pointed out that James Garfield is a dude so he should be dressed in a tux and top-hat rather than a veil but I don’t believe in gender-sterotyping.  Plus, I don’t have a wild boar tux just laying around the house.

I’m not made of tuxedos, Victor.

150 thoughts on “It’s a nice day for a (James Garfield) wedding.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I never knew just how dainty and feminine James Garfield could be. I’d marry him right now if I wasn’t already married. And if I was sexually attracted to taxidermied boars heads.

    Congrats to the happy couple.

  2. Czar, match maker, what else shall we add to the list of amazing services the Bloggess provides. Congrats to the newly engaged!

  3. congrats! and why would victor think you would have a wild boar tux.. that’s just silly. now a wild boar veil on the other hand.. that makes complete sense.

  4. Another James Garfield miracle! One more and he can become a saint!
    Congrats to the happy couple!

  5. –>I’m still waiting to see James Garfield get credit for killing Osama bin Laden. I mean, do we have proof he wasn’t involved?

  6. This is totally a Bravo reality show in the making. James Garfield, for the win!

    Congrats, lovebirds!!!

  7. Pretty sure that this makes James Garfield some sort of mystical deity…..

    And I need to point out the he is a beautiful bride, if I were a boar head that had been mounted (hehe) to a slab of wood, I would totally tap that…

  8. Totally embarrassed by the level of joy this gave me. Or maybe I am just super glad I am in great company. Congratulations happy love people!

  9. Congrats, happy couple!

    And I’d totally do a guy who gave me a card with a dead boar’s head on it. I guess there’s a bunch of us girls around. And James Garfield? Totally hot. For a dead, wild pig.

  10. If he’s not the ring bearer at the wedding, then there is no justice in the world. Also, I can see James Garfield was inspired by Kate Middleton. He is rocking that tiara. Very timely, James. Very timely. But who are you fooling wearing white?

  11. Just today I sent a turkey to the taxidermist (it sounds weird, I know) and I thought to myself “How weird will it be to pick this thing up and drive the hour home with it? Should I put him in the front seat so he can see the scenery on the way home? That would be fun to see drive by, right?”

    And then I realized it sounded A LOT like something you would do, Jenny.

  12. Please say that James Garfield can be the ringbearer! He can be pulled down the aisle in a little red wagon with the rings on his tusk! It would be magical.

  13. Dammit. If only someone would send me mildly profane holiday card featuring dead animal heads.

    I’d totally marry the guy too.

    Congratulations to the happy couple! And job well done Jenny and James Garfield!

  14. That is awesome! And James, you look stunning. Don’t listen to Victor! You’re one hot taxidermied boar!

  15. Um, I’m not in on the background story at all but it doesn’t matter, as this post is still highly entertaining. Congrats to the newly engaged!

  16. Proper wedding etiquette dictates that all taxidermied animals wear white in honor of the bride.
    It’s common sense.
    James Garfield is a saint AND matchmaker.
    What will he do next?
    Create mid East peace?
    I think so.

  17. Wow, okay. I just took a trip back through time to learn the origins of James Garfield, because I’m always so LOST on the Bloggess. I’m glad I took a few minutes to complete this research.

    My husband and I have a similar negotiations practice. Like, he has a dried, dead duck hanging from his office door. For fishing, or something. So when I put up the one-eyed bust of Elvis, and he looked at it askance, I pointed to the dead duck wall decor. So when HE wanted to hang a giant poster of Yip Man, and I looked skeptical, he pointed to my one eyed Elvis. So when *I* wanted to display a wedding cake topper where the bride’s head was replaced with a giant monkey head, etc. etc. etc.

    And that is why our house is filled with awful crap, and we are the happiest married couple anywhere.

  18. Oh, and congrats to the couple!
    If James doesn’t make ring bearer, I’ll be shocked.
    And by ring bearer, I mean the pillow. Can’t you just picture some kid carrying a boar’s head down the aisle?
    And the rings will be on his teeth.
    So cute, and romantic to boot!

  19. I could only wish for an engagement story as fantastic as this. In my case, it was I want marriage and a kid so let’s do this shit. And then we did. Only, not in that order.

    Congratulations happy couple! May you have a long life full of taxidermied beasts.

  20. Congrats to the happy couple. And if I weren’t already married I would so want that picture for my wedding invitation.

  21. You really are the best procrastinator in the entire world. It’s amazing because your procrastinating has results but they go with what you do, so nobody can yell at you. Do you give workshops?

  22. That guy must have that prospective bride really figured out if he knew that a mildly profane card bearing the likeness of a taxidermied boar would do the trick… and it did. Not sure that would have worked on me, sad to say.

  23. Victor, taxidermied wild boar tuxes do not grow on trees. Not even wardrobe trees. If you still have your wardrobe tree up, that is. ‘Tis the season!

  24. Is this one of those blogs which starts out fairly normal, and over time, as it builds up a fan-base, it just gets more and more bizarre until eventually it turns out to be a hoax viral advert for PS3 or BMW or something? I mean, seriously, how can your life possibly be this unlikely?
    🙂

  25. I am totally on boar-d with the wedding dress scenario. Whose to say the boar is hetero anyway? Admittedly I may be wrong because I don’t know the backstory, but honestly, it seems a little trite and boar-ing to assume James likes the ladies.

  26. Oh, go on then, I suppose I can play along for a bit…
    Congratulations to the happy couple, and good luck in the future when your kids ask you how you met.

  27. Wow…thanks to everyone and especially James and Jenny !!!
    I’m not easy to surprise annd was totally at a loss for words
    Thank god for wine tours and limousines!!
    James Garfield will definitely be getting an inviteP

  28. seeing the blog title, i totally thought james garfield was gonna be getting married to the taxidermied alligator. wouldn’t that be a magical event!

  29. I don’t know, I always thought of James Garfield as a lovely woman/boar. I think the veil works. Congrats to the couple! Now the real question is, who will wear James Garfield as a hat down the aisle at their wedding? And will the rings be threaded through holes in his ears, or threaded onto his tusks?

  30. In 20 years, this will make for the most interesting reboot of a CBS comedy ever:

    “Well, kids, let me tell you the story of how I met your mother…”

  31. As sexy as James Garfield is he simply can’t go to the wedding the bride might smooch him instead of the groom! A marriage that starts with James Garfield should not be waylaid by him. Look at his snot you know it true he’s totaly smoochable! Now I need to take a pill since I am consider blowing KISSES (get your mind out of the gutter) to James!

  32. Of course your realize you must now create a line of James Garfield wedding invitations and decorations?

  33. I am totally thinking maybe I will send a card with James Garfield on it to a couple different guys I have been “eyeing” (read: privately stalking) (read: Not so privately when I tell everyone and then say “don’t tell anyone) (read: whatev)

    Anywho, I will report back on any possible love connections. I will also report back any prison time/ fines for using a taxidermied boar head photo to harrass my potential future ex-husbands.

  34. I love how the interviewer mentioned a “frivolous” gift, but made no mention that it was a mother-effin BOAR HEAD. Named James Garfield. And congrats to the happy couple.

  35. Isn’t it amazing what a little bit of matchmaking can do? Once, when my brother was harassing this girl to date him for months i suggested that he send flowers to her that said … you know what, i think the story will get lost in translation. I just wish i had a taxidermied dog head on hand.

    actually, no i don’t.

  36. I’m confused….you mean that’s not a picture of Kate Middleton? I must have watched the wrong wedding…….

  37. You know, if my boyfriend looked as good as James Garfield in a dress I’d let him wear the dress at our wedding!

    His mom would be so excited that we’d decided to tie the knot that she’d probably pay for matching ones.

  38. James Garfield is my new hero. You are so funny, I loved the whole James Garfield saga, but the funny didn’t end there; your reader’s comments also made me laugh. This is the best site xD

    “Alarmingly magical” I want to tattoo Josefina’s comment somewhere on my body.

  39. Also:
    “Erin May 2, 2011 at 12:35 pm
    Of course your realize you must now create a line of James Garfield wedding invitations and decorations?”

    YES. You have about two years before I order them! 😛

  40. what about monaural conductors or other National Sterile Association engineers who must have proof JG’s taxidermic genetic squirts aren’t really packing any punch?

    nevermind, I read it wrong, Garfield isn’t getting married he just made the match of the holy matrimonal coupling

  41. That, sadly, tops my wedding proposal which I would be too embarrassed to relate, but will disclose that a sewage ditch was involved.

  42. I can feel the joy of accomplishment shining from his cold glass eyes. But that smile… well it’s simply radiant. Good job, James A. Garfield. Match.com has nothing… NOTHING on you!

  43. That actually makes my heart really happy! congratulations to them!

    And your “I’m not made of tuxedos, Victor” comment made me LOL in a public place. So thanks for making me look like the crazy girl at the coffee shop (as if I didn’t already look crazy enough).

  44. The real question is have they asked him to be Boar of Honor yet? Just a word of warning on that one, James Garfield, those dresses can be super-expensive. At least you don’t have to buy shoes though.

  45. Yet another reason why the internets are awesome!

    All the possible ways to incorporate James Garfield in the nuptials! Invitations, center pieces, altar decor, a ‘pose with James Garfield’ station at the reception, Jenny puppeteering James Garfield as he officiates the wedding!!! I cant’ stop.

  46. the magical boar does it again!!! congratz to the happy couple.
    ps: i think james ( and his family, of course) should be invited to the wedding!!!!!!

  47. Congratulations to the happy couple!

    Will James Garfield be invited to the wedding? I think best man is in order, and he should totally wear the dress.

  48. This story (and the many wonderful comments already posted) totally made my day! Who knew a wild bore could generate so much love, not to mention some kick-ass fundraising. Is he somehow related to the Honey Badger, who is also a bad-ass.

    Jenny, thanks for letting me in on that YouTube Video. I shared it with everyone!

    And for those Gleeks out there – is it a coincidence that Coach Sylvester named Mr. Schuester’s ex-wife the “honey badger” right after Jenny’s posted the link? Is the Bloggess THAT POWERFUL? I say yes! She is that powerful!

  49. If James Garfield is not IN the wedding I’m going to be so disappointed. Surely he could be the ring bearer or the flower girl (I don’t believe in gender stereotyping either). Or at the very least an usher. Even though everyone knows the usher is the role you give someone you feel obligated to have in your wedding but secretly don’t want in your wedding. Come to think of it, being an usher might hurt James Garfield’s feelings. Best to stick to the ring bearer position.

  50. If he’s looking for his next social media miracle I am in desparate need of a j-o-b. Call me, magical pig.

  51. How lovely, true love found through a dead bore. Makes a nice change from true love turning in to deadly boring.

    OK, I’m sorry.

    Also, James Garfield is looking very fetching in his veil and tiara. Perhaps he will catch the bouquet.

  52. It’s not a huge leap from Charitable Match-Maker to a Romantic Match-Maker. . . .I’d say the career opportunities for you are endless.

  53. “I don’t have a wild boar tux just laying around the house.” And who does really?
    Wild boar wedding gowns and veils on the other hand… they’s a dime a dozen

  54. Thank you all for the congratulatory wishes. We’ll definitely invite James to be a part of the big event. I’m angling for a stuffed badger to make the first toast. I knew I had a special girl when she mentioned my dental work resembled James Garfield’s.

    I think this is a match for the ages.

  55. james garfield makes a better ‘love connection’ than chuck woolery, whose name alone implies taxidermied ancestors.

  56. holy crap, i just spent the last 90 minutes reading the history of james garfield. i’m snotty and swollen eyed, but it was totally worth it. totally.

  57. Because James Garfield now has a proven track record of matchmaking (and cross-dressing), I’d like to request his services. Please tell him I prefer blondes.

  58. Wow. That makes at least two couples that found one another via The Bloggess. Myself and my Aussie being the other one. But we aren’t getting married. At least, not to my knowledge.

    I have serious commitment issues though, so if we were getting married I would likely be too busy having a panic attack in a locked bathroom somewhere to read this or to comment. The M-word kind of (totally) makes me hyperventilate.

    But I’m happy for the couple that is getting married. Partly because they are getting married and partly because they are clearly less damaged than I am.

  59. Also, will you be going to the wedding? If the Aussie and I *did* ever marry you would totally be invited. And given your social anxiety and my propensity for panic attacks when the word marriage is uttered we could probably lock ourselves in a bathroom together and drink.

  60. Congratulations to the happy couple! I’m gonna have to get one of those cards to send to Johnny Depp. You can write a post about us next year.

  61. Two words: taxidermy fascinator.
    Imagine the millinery possibilities. A whole new way to dress for weddings.

  62. oh James Garfield, clearly he’s amazing.

    By the way, I just recently saw your CBC interview re: James Garfield + Christmas Miracles, and it made me an even bigger fan of yours.

  63. So if James Garfield was the reason for the union, don’t you think he should go to the wedding. Also? I am certain I am free that day and that he would totally fit in my side car, once I buy it. So James and I are going as a couple to the wedding of @logoebel3 and @runninroo (I really hope I got the @’s right, how embarrassing would it be to show up at the weeding of @logoeble2 & @runnaroundsue, would take a little more than the xanxax I have in my closet. For sure.)

  64. The Pope Formerly Known as John Paul Number Two was saintified this weekend. We are all *clearly* failing James Garfield. But here’s the good news: James Garfield will most assuredly become an official saint before the current pope is saintified.

  65. I’m so jealous. that is a the BEST story ever. I am going to need to find a NEW soul mate since clearly my current one isn’t even my *real* soulmate because that’s not how our relationship started at all.

  66. OMG, laughing so hard, can’t breathe. (humm somehow every one of my comments on your blog starts with an iteration of that statement). Will now make hubby read this entire saga so that he is grateful that I only drag home, and name, dress making mannequins, chairs and miscellaneous vintage pyrex. Will then remind him that at least when I buy kitchenware he usually gets a good meal out of it. Not that James Garfield wouldn’t make a lovely kitchen assistant but I am guessing he just eats all the chocolate and taunts the chef loudly. Oh yeah, congrats to the happy couple! Will James Garfield be borrowing your feathered hat for the wedding?

  67. I see nothing wrong at all with a cross dressing dead boar’s head.

    Congrats to the happy couple!

  68. I really enjoy how a good percentage of your articles begin by encouraging first time readers to simply come back another day.

  69. I have to admit, I’m thrilled James Garfield could bring those two crazy kids together (CONGRATS!), but I’m more than a little disappointed it was a wedding FOR James Garfield! I thought he and the Parisian pirate alligator were getting along so well!

  70. James Garfield deserves some sort of post-humous prize. I started reading around the time James Garfield started making waves.

  71. I have tweeted the hope that all of Osama Bin Laden’s heavenly virgins look like Danny DeVito in drag, but I have since changed my mind. The truly pretty ones should look like James Garfield.

  72. …and, on a related note, what happens to the woman who was used as a shield by the terrorists when the Navy Seals showed up? Does she get 72 virgins as well? Are they male or female? I don’t presume to know how ambivalent heaven might turn out to be on the issue of gender preference, but I do think it somewhat unfair to insist that women, who have spent a lifetime already suffering the company of men, ought to be expected to continue to do all the heavy lifting in Heaven.

  73. One of the best wedding gifts I received was the shellacked carcass of an armadillo. Extra shellack assures that the newlyweds probably won’t get leprosy.

    This was a very cherished piece of home decor until the head fell off . I tried to recover by placing the head atop the back, like a hellish armadillo totem pole, but the impact was lost.

    James Garfield is ALL head, so he is still considered elegant home decorating for your tasteful domicile.

  74. I never, never comment on people’s posts, I usually just sit and laugh or curse to myself. But I have to thank you for this one. My day shat on me, and seeing a stuffed boar head gone tranny wedding made me smile. Thanks for being hilarious. It helped one person today.

  75. Huh. I’ve been doing this all wrong. What I really need is not a subscription to Match.com, but rather some James Garfield greeting cards. This will get me a successful relationship.

  76. Hey Garfield send me a dame…wait…maybe that is why I am single…is dame offensive? How about if I meant it in a British like way?

  77. That is all kinds of awesome. Except I feel like James Garfield has accomplished more on your wall than I have in my whole life.

  78. I’m honestly more pleasantly surprised that James Garfield spelled ‘congratulations’ correctly and didn’t fall for the ‘congraDulations’ phonetic spelling. Stuffed boar heads wearing veils are notorious for that shit.

  79. Comment 73 should read “It was only a matter of time”. Perhaps I miscounted the headache pills?

  80. “If you’re a first-time reader this will all seem incredibly strange and disorienting and you should probably just come back tomorrow…”

    I’ve been a reader for quite a while now (though I think I’m a first-time commenter…well first time with you…I’ve commented before…on other blogs…I swear!) ANYWAY, I think the use of the phrase “first-time” was superfluous. No matter how long one has enjoyed your blog, it will ALWAYS seem incredibly strange and disorienting.

    YOU’RE WELCOME!

  81. I’m late to the party…..per usual, but congrats to the happy couple!
    As an aside, why does James Garfield’s snout look so lush and ….juicy? Is it just me? Are my champagne goggles failing me, again?

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