James Garfield is a goddamn saint. Almost

It’s the day before Christmas Eve and the completely inadvertent Christmas miracle is still going on over here between people who are now matching themselves up since I’ve officially hit the brick wall of exhaustion.  If you want to help or need help you can comment by clicking here but for now lets get back to the ridiculousness fluffiness and offensive weirdness that probably none of us have missed at all.

I’ve been so swamped matching donors with people in need that yesterday was the first day that I got to do my own Christmas shopping and I’d ordered Hailey a Rapunzel doll but it didn’t come in so I went to Target and the Rapunzel walls were *totally* bare and I was all “THE COBBLER’S CHILDREN HAVE NO SHOES” but then my mom was all “OMG, just get her a barbie and we’ll tell her it’s Rapunzel, drama queen. She’s six, for God’s sake” so we picked out the least slutty barbie we could fine and Christmas was saved.

Then I got a call from this big Canadian network who asked if I could come to a studio for a live interview that night and I was all “I’m not good with geography but I’m pretty sure I can’t drive from Texas to Canada in 3 hours” and she said that she’d found a CBS station nearby that would do a live feed and I said I’d go but only if James Garfield could be interviewed with me because he was the one who started this whole thing and she didn’t exactly say no so Victor and I took off with the head of James Garfield to the news station.  James Garfield looked very happy as always but Victor kept glaring and sighing at me as he no doubt wondered how his life got like this and he kept asking if I was sure that all the news people knew I was bringing a giant boar head to be interviewed  and I was all “Of course they do” but I kept looking off when I said it because Victor can usually tell when I’m lying.  Then Victor carried James Garfield’s giant head into the newsroom and all the anchors were like “Um…so are you doing a story on taxidermy?” and I was all “No, this is the head of James Garfield and he’s performed two Christmas miracles.  If he performs one more we’re going to petition the Pope to give him sainthood.  True story.” and they were all “Of course you are” and Victor was like “STOP TALKING. YOU SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON” and I was all “There is nothing I just said that isn’t the truth” and then the anchors started to walk off and I was all “He started a movement that gave $42,000 to people who needed Christmas Miracles!  CANADIAN TV IS SCOOPING YOU!” and then they nicely nodded and left to call security probably.

Quick note for anyone who hasn’t been here forever. James Garfield is what I named the giant, tattered, taxidermied head of a wild boar that I made my husband buy at an estate sale last year because James Garfield looked SO DAMN HAPPY.  Then every time Victor would walk in my office he’d huff that he couldn’t believe I’d spent $90 on James Garfield so I decided to make back the money to get Victor to shut up so I offered on my blog to make homemade Christmas Cards with James Garfield’s face on them saying things like “OH IT JUST GOT ALL KINDS OF MOTHERFUCKIN’ FESTIVE IN HERE, Y’ALL” for $10 each.  I made back the $90 and made so much extra that I got carpal tunnel and was able to donate a few hundred dollars to a fellow blogger recovering from a stroke.  She wasn’t doing well at the time but now she’s kicking as much ass as you can from a wheelchair (which is a shitload, apparently).  Probably due to the James Garfield cards if I had to give my professional medical opinion.  MIRACLE NUMBER ONE.

Then this year people asked for James Garfield cards but I was too tired to make them so I just put them on zazzle and I was shocked to find that $600 of cards were sold so Victor and I decided that since we were so lucky this year we’d give $30 gift certificates to the first 20 people who left a comment saying they needed help getting Christmas for their children.  When more requests flooded in a reader stepped up and offered to help the 21st person and then another and another and then it avalanched into hundred of strangers sending hundreds of strangers over $42,000 in toys, food, car seats and more.    MIRACLE NUMBER TWO.

And that’s why James Garfield was with me when I went on air and what’s really awesome is that I did the entire interview standing next to the enthusiastically jolly head of James Garfield and no one ever explained why they hell he was there. So everyone watching in Canada who didn’t know the backstory was all “Why is there a giant boar head there and why is that girl introducing him as James Garfield?”  Even the host seemed a bit baffled.  WHICH WAS AWESOME.

You can watch the video of the whole thing by clicking here.

Also, when I’m really, really exhausted my eyes get dry and stick together and it looks like I have a nervous tick or that I’m sending morse code signals to terrorists.  I assure you, I don’t even know morse code.

PS.  From my sister:  “I always knew one day you would make International news, but I always assumed it would involve some sort of horrific accident.”  Dude. You and me both.

259 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Just wanted to say thanks again for the absolute BEST Christmas ever!

    The Cotton Wife recently posted .

  2. I am laughing so hard I almost fell out of my chair. I’m a new reader, I think I’ll stick around a bit!

    Off to watch your debut on Canadian TV (btw I’m a fellow Texan…Houston to be exact)

    Heather@Family Friendly Frugality recently posted 5 Free Amazon Video On Demand Credit HOT.

  3. But did she know James Garfield was going to make international news? Because that? Would be eerie.

    Rita Arens recently posted Merry Christmas!.

  4. I’ve been amazed by the whole christmas thing that has happened here, thank you for letting me be a witness to a true christmas miracle.

    Britta recently posted What a difference a year makes.

  5. You are one of my heroes, as is Mr. Garfield. You made my morning with this post!

  6. LOL to your sister’s remark. You did look so tired on there… but you did good. Well…… you and James Garfield who I imagine is a little miffed today that he got very little mention on the interview.
    Merry Merry Jenny to you and yours.

    Holly B recently posted Big Blog Pimpin Mama H Style -.

  7. The story is absolutely amazing. It almost makes me wish I was Canadian just so that I could have watched it. Almost.

    And I’d be proud to hang a picture of James Garfield above my fireplace (if I had one). The boar that is.. not the REAL James Garfield. That would just be weird.


    Simple Dude recently posted Yes- No News WOULD Be Good News.

  8. Luckily I *do* know morse code. Your message said: “SAINT JAMES GARFIELD IS HOLDING ME HOSTAGE.”

    kalisa recently posted Joyful Noise.

  9. 10
    Leslie in Toronto

    I don’t remember the last time a phenomenon made me both laugh and cry as hard as this one has. Merry Christmas James Garfield!!!

  10. This whole thing has been absolutely fantastic. It has given me hope in more ways than I can count. Including a “dude, she just got a giant boar head on TV” kind of way.

  11. Thank you! LoL I was almost sure I lost my Christmas cheer … luckily your Mr. Garfield located it. Merry Christmas!

  12. God Bless you and your Muse James Garfield…:)

    *whispers in awe* Can I have your autograph?*

  14. Thank you for making my Christmas the most special ever. I will be forcing my family to toast you, James Garfield, and the wonderful man who donated something to help my family meet our bills and obligations at the end of this year. I probably won’t explain why to them either. Just to keep it going.

  15. What you did was more than awesome. It was the awesomestest. Or something like that.

    James Garfield has a great television presence. I see a Today Show appearance in his future!!!

  16. I’m sure the pope will think twice before denying sainthood to James Garfield. He will know by the third miracle how his boar roar brought happiness to the world. You mark my words.

    I feel sorry for Victor. He deserves a break, too.

  17. I didn’t offer to help cos I’ve already helped 3 South-African orphans by buying them lots of stuff for xmas but I followed the story from the very beginning :) Gotta say I’m so proud to ‘know’ you, but now we want the *real* Jenny back – the hardcore, kick-ass one. (Btw, If Mr Obama or Ellen contact you, I want a mention in your blogg cos I might have mentioned something about your random xmas goodness :)

  18. The announcer got it all wrong when he called James Garfield a “frivolous gift”Canadians are assholes.
    “That’s a wonderful boar.” Can that be on next years Christmas card?

  19. oh Jenny, you looked so sane!!! even WITH James Garfield beside you

  20. I heard the Pope had to lower the “Saint” threshold to two miracles because of the economy, so don’t wait. You might even get a buy-one-get-one-free Sainthood for you, too. (A saint hoodie costs extra. They really rip you with those add-ons.)

    Deb Rox recently posted Good Things Come in Wabi-Sabi Packages.

  21. 2 Year old watching video: “OOOOH! Piggy! I pet piggy! I pet piggy!…Lady. Pretty. Pretty lady.” So I guess you win with that one.

    Also, I want out voicemail message to have a mashup of this and the santa interview on it…namely ending with “leave a message and ‘thanks for introducing us to James Garfield'”, because you just don’t hear that enough.

    Tricia @ {every}nothing wonderful recently posted Dear Santa-.

  22. See, somehow I KNEW this was all due to James Garfield! He is a taxidermied miracle who inspires goodness and joy in us all. And it’s not like his sainted -ness would be unprecedented. Various disembodied sainted body parts have been credited with miracles throughout time, mostly hands and fingers, I think. If a dead, dehydrated human hand (ew) can heal leprosy, just think of the potential that is the wonderousness of James Garfield’s noggin.

    You should go ahead and petition the Pope now, to get a head start. (Pun not intended. Oh, who am I kidding. Of course it’s intended)

    Tori Deaux recently posted Dear Santa… A Letter From The Circus.

  23. Thank you for the James Garfield explanation! Sainthood…..soon.

  24. Eustice was so excited to see James Garfield on TeeVee! Especially since he’s now convinced that he’s somehow related to him. Eustice is cute, I never said he was bright. We also agreed that it was a shame that you didn’t get to tell about how he started the Christmas miracle.

    We now return you to our regularly scheduled insanity.

    Eustice The Sheep recently posted Playing Catch Up.

  25. What you did was amazing, Jenny! Oh, and the donor matchmaking thing was cool too, but nothing compares to getting the happiest dead wild boar in the world onto the news!
    Serioiusly– my snark of a teenage son was being very down about the whole Christmas spirit thing this year. I will read him excerpts of you blog posts on occasion, so when this all went down, I gave him updates. Now, he is in a much more charitable mood this Christmas– even wants to take his Christmas money and place in the Salvation Army buckets. Watching what happened on your blog brought the point home this time around.
    So, James Garfield performed MIRACLE NUMBER #3: He convinced my obnoxious teenager to NOT act like a jerk for a brief moment in time. Merry Christmas to me!!!

    Sarah recently posted And the winner of the Tahitian Moon Necklace is.

  26. You are simply amazing. I hope you have a beautiful and *relaxing* Christmas!

  27. Glad that so many people are getting word of the awesome work that you did! And that Canadian TV has now been introduced to James Garfield.

    Mrs. Jen B recently posted Big City- Big Dinner.

  28. Not to add to your Christmas pressures (and I really liked the phrase “least slutty Barbie”) but I’m going off-topic to alert people that in today’s HuffPo, Al Franken has an alarming article on how the FCC is now making rulings that threaten net neutrality for getting sites like this one on mobile broadband devices. The FCC is also not banning the “paid prioritization” that could let corporate blogs buy the fast lane, putting our sites in the slow.

    The outcry from independent websites was crucial a few days ago in improving the FCC ruling. But we need to stay alert and inform each other as new threats come up. We need a community of Paul Revere web bloggers.

    Shelley recently posted Welcome.

  29. So, you’ll be going on tour with James Garfield, right? Performing miracles and stuff. Maybe you can get Boar’s Head to sponsor you.

  30. Ditto what Leslie said! Happy holidays, indeed:) You’re the best, JtB!

  31. Oh, Jenny, how I heart you! I hope you have an amazing holiday with the family. Give James Garfield a big kiss for me!

    StephQJ recently posted Fairfarren- all!.

  32. The news guy looked terrified to see James Garfield. Clearly he just doesn’t understand.

    You make me cry happy tears, Jenny. Christmas miracles do exist and you and everybody else created this one and now I feel like I’m five years old again instead of eighteen.

    Victor should realise he’s incredibly lucky to be married to such a wonderful woman.

    Sarah Elizabeth recently posted Oy- My Family.

  33. I don’t think I can ever eat (pork) again. I’m laughing and crying too hard.

  34. “That’s a wonderful boar’s head you have there”
    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I choked on my coffee. Love it.

  35. Wonderful piece. You and Mr. Garfield deserve this recognition! Congratulations on being a fabulous mediator for everyone! Also, the Canadian accent from TV guy is so cute.

  36. You, and all of your Christmas angels are amazing people!!! Best. Christmas. EVER!!!!!

  37. I think the Pope has a twitter account. We can petition him there.

  38. I am stealing you for my own. Victor, watch out.

  39. You can totally tell Victor that he’s just jealous because James Garfield was on international tv and he wasn’t. And then tell him to make you a wine slushie, because that’s what famous people do. And they make non-slutty barbie dolls? Really? Personally, I want a trailer trash barbie. And a red light district barbie. Because I’m awesome.

    Shay recently posted Yes I’m Still “Out There”… stop looking at me like that.

  40. For some reason, more than anything, it was this interview that choked me up. You did an AMAZING thing (with the usual aplomb) and I can’t wait to help out again next year. (This year I donated $25 to the Winnipeg Christmas Cheer Board in the name of a good friend.)

    Merry Christmas to you are yours!

    Courtney recently posted Christmas mantles.

  41. I’m offended that he called you “A” Bloggess instead of “The” Bloggess. And also that he called James Garfield frivolous (and didn’t explain that it was the frivolous gift that made all that money and started everything.)

    Oh well.

    Oh, and I can read morse code and am shocked at the profanity you blinked at all those Canadians.

    Wendy recently posted Iced Gingersnap Tags.

  42. I need me some of those James Garfield cards. :-)

    Isn’t there a step we can take now? Beatification or some such nonsense?

    Sarah Laurenson recently posted Not In The Holiday Spirit.

  43. You should have worn your red dress, girl. God Bless!

  44. I’d probably place the community’s spirit of giving directly on William Shatner’s shoulders. He really helped facilitate a movement. Though, what kind is up for debate.

    Thank you for making this a “thing.” I loved being a part of it.

  45. Absolutely excellent. When James Garfield is Sainted I want to get a pendant of him to hang in my car, protecting me from idiot drivers everywhere. He will deny them with his saintly tusks. Also, he’ll just be one charming muthafucka.

    Dangerboy recently posted Things I Hate- vol 6.

  46. I host a huge Christmas gathering at my house every year. On Christmas Day 2010, in honor of the MIRACULOUS James Garfield, we’re laying off the “usual” big ass Christmas ham (pig/boar…same crap, right?). Suck it up, family members. This year you’re getting chicken.

  47. Christmas miracle was fun. My blog is out of date because I have a Christmas RANT but I can’t do it or my husband might see it and it would spoil his surprise (it would however be a NICE surprise for me if he actually read my blog). Oh, and next year, James Garfield Christmas e-cards, OK for those of us who are perpetually behind the christmas curve. too tired to capitalize any more.

  48. I’m just imagining you and James Garfield trolling the countryside like a band of gypsys, performing miracles and starting a taxidermied animal movement. I’d come out of winter hibernation for that.

  49. A Christmas Miracle indeed. This kind of reaffirms my belief that there are good people out there. I wish I was able to give, and I am even more thankful that I am not one of those in need. You really did something special.

    jenn recently posted Charter Moms - I Love This Concept!.

  50. Also? Hoping to see some James Garfield Valentine merch sometimes soon.

    Steve recently posted 217 .

  51. –>Please don’t tell James Garfield but … I think the camera added 10 pounds to his face.
    You looked Wonderful!

    WebSavvyMom recently posted Wordless Wednesday - When Babies Attack.

  52. You’re so amazing Jenny. Way to promote such unbelievable Christmas spirit! Love you!

  53. …followed immediately by James Garfield St Patrick’s Day merch, of course.

  54. Okay, here are some true facts:

    James Garfield (President) was born on Nov. 19 and died on Sept. 19 and your post about your heart growing three sizes was on Dec. 19 and that’s a lot of 19s. Which is numerologically a 10 and reduces down to a 1 (1 plus 0 is 1) and I think we’re all in agreement that you and James Garfield (boar’s head, not to be confused with sandwich meat) are number 1. Together.

    James Garfield (President) had a wife named Lucretia Rudolph. It’s a Christmas connection! And I think you know where this is going. (Don’t tell Victor.) But your James Garfield needs a spouse. Or, since you live in Texas, a domestic partner.

    Seriously, this was wonderful. Seriously wonderful. You and James Garfield are the best ever. (And the Canadians scoop us on everything.)

  55. Any word on when we can start worshipping at the Church of James Garfield?

    Also, I made everyone I know watch CBC last night… even though I had to go out to dinner, but I watched it later. You were awesome. Canada loves you!

  56. 57
    Hannah Gardner

    Why does it, in some strange way, feel fully appropriate that there’s an ad for Tylenol Cough, Cold & Flu *PLUS MUCUS RELIEF* hanging out right there next to James Garfield’s head as this video plays?

  57. When I first started reading your blog I often thought, “I really want to meet this woman!” but more and more often, I find myself thinking that I want to meet Victor. My husband is pretty indulgent when it comes to my, um, “unique charm,” but I think he’d draw the line at boar’s heads and costumed dead squirrels.

  58. Jenny, I can’t get the video to play. Would you and James Garfield come over to my house in Colorado and re-enact the interview for me? We have booze and gingerbread cookies.

    P.S. You’re awesome and I love you. Merriest Christmas to you, Victor and your lovely little one.

    Robin recently posted A surprising Veterans Day display.

  59. Jenny, James Garfield is still working fucking miracles! I am still getting offers in my e-mail box for my friend, Joanna. I have a couple of folks helping her, myself included, so I told the new person (Bless her!) about my friend Terese. She is a breast cancer survivor (2007) who is undergoing a second round of chemotherapy for a spot on her lungs. She came damn close to dying last fall when a bout of pneumonia attacked her ravaged immune system and was in the hospital for 3 weeks. She is married, but they have only one income; and money is tight. She has to stay home all day; she’s too weak to drive. Add on to this, some legal issues they are having PLUS one of her beloved kitties died just last Friday. Truly, The Suck. So, any further wonderful people that want to help, I’m going to send them over to Terese. She is truly a wonderful woman and she has really inspired me.
    Thank you everyone; and, especially, James Garfield! Who should be sainted, but I think the Roman Catholic Church has a thing about Sainting a stuffed Boar’s Head, no matter how many miracles he has performed. I need to write the Pope about this one.

    Much love to everyone; to you, Jenny, Victor, Hailey, Anderson Cooper and the Miraculous James Garfield!

  60. I can’t begin to explain the depth of the delight I got out of seeing you standing there with James Garfield. I LOVE that the cameraperson framed both of you the entire time instead of just zooming in on you.

    I didn’t know the Internet was big enough to hold that much awesome.

    Happy Holidays, sistah.

    Daddy Scratches recently posted I’m kind of like a superhero who saves people … except the people I save usually aren’t in any real danger other than that which I’ve conjured up in my own wildly neurotic imagination.

  61. First of all, he called you A Bloggess, and we all know you’re THE Bloggess. As in the one and only.

    B) I’m glad you explained the blinking thing because even knowing what caused it I still felt as if your were somehow trying to communicate with me like in that movie with Diane Lane & Billy Burke where the guy gets kidnapped and is broadcast over the internet.

    Finally, the generosity I’ve seen people exhibit this holiday season has restored my faith in humanity. Thank you.

    Rachel recently posted A Series of Unfortunate Events- The Gym Edition.

  62. I got your message. Thanks for the morse code.

    ROx recently posted The Boy.

  63. crap. I just read my comment and it sounds like I want to steal your husband. That is not at all what I meant to suggest. I already have a husband and do not need to steal yours. I am just curious about a guy who married a woman who wears cats on her head.

    Kim Sasso recently posted .

  64. Gotta love the CBC!
    Did you know the “Boars Head” carol is one of the oldest?

  65. Girl, you know I love you, but Victor is the shit. I mean that in a very, very good way.

  66. That is an awesome thing which you have done.

    Justin recently posted I’m Sick.

  67. I could not keep my eyes off of James Garfield. He is a STAR.

    Suebob recently posted Shepherds- Why This Jubilee.

  68. Jenny I thought you would have more of a texas Twang! It was amazing to see you and James up here in the frozen north sharing your story! Thank you for the inspiration and I think not only James but you to should be nominated for Saithood!!

    PS I totally got the code…wink wink!

    Crystal recently posted Christmas Spirit.

  69. I can’t wait to confuse my husband later when I enthusiastically proclaim I just bought James Garfield meats for sandwiches. He’ll be all, “You mean Boar’s Head?” And I’ll be all “No, James Garfield. I changed the name in honor of the Bloggess’ Miracle-Working Boar’s Head.” And he’ll look at me like I’m all kinds of crazy while I happily eat sandwich meat.

    JD recently posted Do this now- Back up your blog in 5 minutes.

  70. Is your sister trying to be funny?

    Happy Christmas to you and yours!

    tokenblogger recently posted Below is where….

  71. Surely, the Pope will interview James Garfield next. Maybe you could dress him in those fun circus clothes the Vatican guards wear? I think you can get those outfits on Craigslist.

    juliejulie recently posted International Society of Hopscotch.

  72. You are awesome. Merry Fucking Christmas!

  73. Sweet coverage on CBC with Mark Kelley! Being on CBC in Canada is just like being in the Olympics. Once you get live coverage at at hockey game, you know your famous in Canada.

    Glad you brought James Garfield, Mark should have spent more time asking about him. :)

    Lexie recently posted Its a book Its a blog Its awesome!.

  74. I watch CBC all the time. I am so excited that you were on the news here!!! We love you Jenny :)

  75. You were great, but I’m not quite sure we can consider Canada as “international.” Aren’t they one of our territories?

    Neil recently posted The Soup.

  76. You know how in the Christmas Story it all started when an Angel came to Mary and asked if she would take on a very special job? James Garfield is just like that. An invisible angel (or Christmas Pixie, I’m no theologian) showed you James Garfield in order “move your heart” to accept the very special job of spreading James Garfield Christmas Miracles. Which you have done really well. But this means that Victor, who didn’t want James Garfield, is like the Grinch or something. Or the guy who had no room in his inn. Whatever. The point is Victor had better repent and embrace James Garfield before the canonization (which is a shoo in). After all, as the first stuffed boar’s head to become a Saint, you know James Garfield will be popular and get a church built to him and stuff. Does Victor really want to be the Bad Guy on a stain-glass window? I didn’t think so. He should start burning candles in front of James Garfield now, to get a jump up on the veneration. Also, look for a star rising in the southwest and the arrival of three wise women, the Maggies, who will bring much better gifts than frankincense and myrrh. Although they will probably go with gold as well, because that is always useful. Merry Christmas!

    Betty Fokker recently posted The 50 Va-jay-jay steaming.

  77. You are beyond awesome. I’m, like, all weepy here at my desk.

  78. Awesome. You are beyond awesome! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  79. OMG! I didn’t even see that the person above me said that! Ha! Well, that proves it! We ALL think so.

  80. No doubt the touchy-feel-y Christmas-y spirit post was a warm welcome, but I missed hilariousness like this. Thanks for sharing.

    My little cousin Bethany got a Rapunzel doll–big headed and long haired–from that movie Tangled that just came out.

    Jennifer recently posted A Hero To Me.

  81. I absolutely love the look of pride on your face when you look at James Garfield at the end of the interview. We Canadians love you and James Garfield.
    Merry Christmas and a Peace-filled New Year for you and yours !

  82. Girl, I’m proud of you….International Television…and you didn’t even need a wig! It is a Christmas Miracle.

  83. Just in case you didn’t know….you are my Christmas Hero.

  84. That was beyond awesome. James looked lovely and you hardly twitched at all. Really.

    Merry Christmas, Jenny. I hope the season’s miracles continue for you all year long.

    Well, not just 2010. I meant until next Christmas. You know? Because just for 2 weeks isn’t really a very good Christmas wish on my part, is it? Then again, 2 weeks of Christmas miracles would be pretty freaking awesome.

    Either way. I hope you get one of my 2 above-mentioned wishes. Tracey-Out.

    tracey recently posted Fa la la la barf.

  85. You are awesome.

    Midwest Mommy recently posted Its beginning to look a lot like.

  86. Brilliantly done Madame La Bloggess. Has anyone else made the correlation between James Garfield and Terry Pratchett’s ‘Hogfather?’ Just asking. O.

  87. I DIED with laughter at how no one explained James Garfield … as if it’s standard to make all your media appearances alongside your favorite boar’s head.

    Great interview. James Garfield is damn photogenic.

  88. You go Jenny!! Awesome interview and THANKS AGAIN for matching me with a family in need. It really, really made my Christmas to help someone out.

  89. Jenny, you rock.. and… I saw this and thought of you….

    Zombies unite…

  90. Merry Christmas, you are pure amazeballs.

    Zak recently posted Round Two Of Crafting Without A Special Important Apron It Can Be Done.

  91. I was watching you and thinking what a “doll” you are and then it came to me: Jenny Lawson dolls . Who wouldn’t love a Bloggess doll that says random phrases ? She’d bring delight to homes everywhere. It would be kind of like the Justin Bieber doll but instead of singing she would just say random things about zombies or ninjas. Although she could certainly sing too. She’d be a multi-talented kind of a doll and would kick Barbie’s ass. I see it being the hottest toy for 2011. Portions of the proceeds can go to those in need. C’mon you know I’m on to something here.

  92. Every time I see a pciture of James Garfield, I laugh incessantly because he is ALWAYS smiling! He is definitely the happiest dead boar on the planet.

    Also, there are no words to describe how amazing and generous and wonderful you are. Jenny, YOU are the goddamn saint here. Or you’re an angel. Either way, you’re a total badass (you know, the gentle kind with a heart of gold.)


    Kait (Tampon In A Teacup) recently posted Future Self- The big picture doesnt need to be scary.

  93. What a great interview. You didn’t seem crazy or neurotic at all! I’m so proud of everyone and I really hope I can help out next year. This economy can suck it.

    Ellen Yates recently posted Mashas Illustrated Sweaters.

  94. That. Was. Awesome. :)

    Kellie recently posted Fake it till you make it!.

  95. I watched the video of your interview, and I am dying to know who the random man and woman are in the video montage that was playing while you were talking. They showed your pictures from the blog banner, a picture of James Garfield, and then a man with a beard and a woman, separately and together. I’ve been reading you for a while, and I can’t place either of them. Representations of people who were helped? (Size-ist! Because they were both pretty chubby) Random Canadians off the street? People who had no relation to your story? Screensavers from someone at the station’s computer?
    I probably should have been paying more attention to you, I know – I was listening, I swear – but the blinking was threatening to send me into one of those anime-like epileptic fits ;) So I was looking around :-)
    You’re a rock star, for the $42K, for the Christmas hope you spread, and mostly because the Canadian guy had no idea why you brought James Garfield, and yet didn’t have the cojones to ignore him while talking to you. So much better than a Chihuahua in a purse!

  96. Canadiens are fucking smart. They recognized the genius of James Garfield and scooped the U.S. Who knew…

    Anyway Personal Thanks to James Garfield and The Bloggess. I am fucking touched (and not in a weird, pervy way… In a heartfelt festive way).

    Cheers to you all!

  97. The way he introduced you and James Garfield, it kind of left viewers open to the assumption that maybe it’s just a Texas thing. “Of course, the San Antonio station has a boar’s head named James Garfield. And the Dallas affiliate has a wolverine named Rutherford B. Hayes.”

  98. Victor is really the unsung hero in all of this. Please tell him he’s amazing. Anyone who would 1) buy that behemoth boar’s head and 2) lug it around town is a GOOD man. Merry Christmas!

    p.s. great interview!

    Simone recently posted Child’s play.

  99. Gotta love Canadians… we don’t react to oddities such as a wild boar’s head being named James Garfield. Probably because our brains are frozen, or from the sugar high after drinking shots of maple syrup… I love being Canadian, I get to say stuff that would be an insult if it came from anybody else!

    Great story… again, wish I were there!

    Miss Nikki recently posted The Truth About.

  100. I tend to think you saved James Garfield, which was miracle number one. He then went on to perform two miracles, making three total, and if my math is correct that puts you AND James Garfield up for Sainthood. Or seven, which just doesn’t make any sense.

    Kendahl recently posted Snow And then snow And then more snow.

  101. I really wish he would have read your blog first. He so obviously didn’t get the James Garfield connection. That being said, it was so nice to see you on one of our Networks, Jenny. You have really brought back the Christmas spirit and are an inspiration.

    melistress recently posted This post makes no sense but I felt like I had to write it and I had some pretty profound things to say when in front of the mirror this morning but I seem to have lost it all.

  102. I think you are amazing!

  103. James Garfield looks so damn dapper up there! The Canadian didn’t quite know what to say. “Frivolous” gift? I think not. Silly Canadian man. Maybe James Garfield needs a Christmas costume? Maybe wings and some sort of halo.

    Hope you and your family and every other reader/commenter/giver/person in need on this lovely blog have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since bing crosby danced with danny fucking kaye.

  104. Deb Rox is correct. Because of the bad economy, or the worsening morality of people in general, sainthood is now being offered at a discount. Only two miracles are needed!

    The miracles need to be posthumous, which seems to be the case with James Garfield. But he needs to be baptized first, if you haven’t done that already. Then the local bishop needs to recommend him to the Vatican. Hint: being a martyr (James Garfield, not the person asking the bishop) will help this along. There will be a big investigation, which sometimes takes centuries, but Pope JP2 did away with the position of Devil’s Advocate (drat – so much more my career path) so things should move a bit more quickly now.

  105. That rocked!!! I love you for insisting that James Garfield go with you in the air! YOU ARE THE BLOGGESS!!!

    Merry Christmas
    Anna. The Pilot’s Wife

    Anna Barnett recently posted Wordless Wednesday 1980 - 2010.

  106. Jenny, you are the Christmas Miracle.

    You’ve inspired me, and I hope to start/organize something like this next year. If I’m even 1/10 as successful at helping others as you have been, I’ll be overjoyed. And that is the best present anyone can get. :)

    Merry Christmas to you and yours! Love and hugs!

    Kernut the Blond recently posted Ten Things- Ten Signs Christmas Is Coming.

  107. This whole story is incredible and so is everyone who helped in this. Wish I could have helped myself but if i’m in a better place financially next year I totally will. (You DO know you’re going to have to do this every year for forever now, right Jenny?)

  108. I love you! You are such an amazing person. You’re my hero.

  109. I’m at work so I can’t watch the video with volume and I think it made it even better. It’s even funnier when I pretend I don’t know who James Garfield is.

    You were totally the most entertaining bit of news all of us Canadians heard that night.

    PS. You probably think you don’t deserve sainthood but I think it would go along nicely with the Czar title.

  110. I think “Saint Jenny” has a nicer ring to it than “Saint James Garfield” (I think plain old “Saint James” is already taken) but that’s just me.

    Thank you for all you did to enable this wild ride and for taking us all along with you. Now go take a nap or something – I am exhausted just reading all the updates you’ve been posting!

    Snarkier Than You recently posted O Christmas Tree- O Christmas Tree You Better Look Perfect Or Else Helloooo OCD.

  111. I laughed so much my lemonade came out of my nose at the “Thats a loverly boar head you’ve got there”. I’d love to have seen the reaction of people watching who didn’t know the full story! Teehee…

    Sarah recently posted To Trace or Not to Trace….

  112. Luv ya, Jenny! Thanks for the Christmas miracle.

  113. The reporter clearly didn’t do his homework, or he wouldn’t have introduced you as “a bloggess,” as if you are only one of many bloggesses in the world. There can only be one Bloggess. You’re like the Highlander, without the sword, and cutting other people’s heads off and stuff. And way more awesome than some thousand-year-old dude. I don’t recall the Highlander having a boars head sidekick. That would have been really badass.

    Barbara recently posted My Cat Would Never Wear This.

  114. Oh thank you for posting the link to the interview!! I meant to try and watch it on CBC last night but spaced out baking or something.

    I love what you and your community of commenters have done and the international incident factor just makes it so much more awesome.

    Lori recently posted All you have to do is.

  115. I love you Jenny!!! I’m so proud to be one of your minions!
    p.s. no wig! you go girl! Such a beautiful woman!!
    p.p.s It was good they didn’t ask you about the Canadian currency issue of last year….that way you didn’t have to explain having a boars head and wanting Canadian bacon.

  116. I am in such love with all of this I want to make out with it. You restored MY faith in humanity and I am truly filled with Christmas Spirit, or cookies. details.

    You rock

    Scottsdale Girl recently posted Please register to view this blog….

  117. And you are my goddamn hero! Truly.
    PS – I love that James Garfield was on TV with you.
    PSS – The interview was awesome.
    PSS – YAY CANADA! Though I live in Massachusetts – but that’s close to Canada, right?

  118. Dear Stefanie @ comment #19.

    I’m a proud Canadian and don’t consider myself an asshole (I donated to 2 families). Maybe you should think before you speak.

    Jenny – you were awesome and so cute on the television! Very cool. James was very handsome as well.

  119. I can’t believe what a lazy schmuck that anchor was! To not know who the hell James Garfield is – for a country that just scooped us, that’s just pretty freakin’ lazy.

    By the way. You are absolutely, stunningly, beautiful. Annnnd I so want a Saint James Garfield medal.

    Merry frickin’ Christmas, and a mighty damned Joyous New Year!

  120. I did not mean any offense to any Canadians, past or present, in any form what-so-ever, in any dimension. I only ment that that particular anchor was a lazy schmuck – no one else.

  121. I’m sure you can find a Pope SOMEwhere who would be tickled shitless to canonize James Garfield. Don’t stop looking.

    Fred Miller recently posted I’m Amazing.

  122. You were awesome, but James Garfield showed you up. As it should be. But he needed dressing up.

  123. 124

    And this story explains why I love you and want to be you when I grow up :P

  124. I’m just mad about this whole thing because since “meeting” you online I still haven’t been able to make it to a single conference and chill with you in the ladies room although I’ve been planning on it and now it’s going to look like I’m just a gold digger or some kind of hanger-on that is trying to up my coolness factor now that you are DOCUMENTED by the powers of TV to be better than Mother Theresa (not just by your header logo thing) even though I totally was planning on it before James Garfield. And nobody is going to believe me, and besides there will be so many people crowding the stalls that I’ll have to sit in the one with the poo juice flung up on the back of the bowl and the wet TP sticking to it, just to say I went to a con and buoyed your spirits or whatever it is that one does while you avert panic attacks partying in the bathroom.

    So now I’m going to have germs on my pants and it’s all James Garfield’s fault.

  125. Stefanie, really? Merry Christmas to you too, asshole!

    Jenny, that was just awesome. I’m a new follower and just love your blog. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years.

    Stacyonthecouch recently posted Im not a quitter I just hate 2010.

  126. Loved the interview….and you know, we Canadians just assume that pretty much anything goes in Texas and we’re too damn polite to make comments about a mounted boar’s head sharing the camera’s lens with you.

  127. I don’t know, maybe you Are better than Mother Theresa?!?

    Loved the interview – how could Victor huff at James Garfield? He is so damn happy!!

    Thanks again for letting us help out!

  128. I hope you’re having calling cards engraved for JG. “James Garfield, Wonderful Boar.” He really ought to have them because now that he’s an international star and candidate for sainthood (not “statehood” as I originally typed, although I would move to the Commonwealth of James Garfield in a heartbeat) he’s going to have to make a lot of personal calls, I bet.

  129. 130
    Angela Cloud

    Jenny, you’re a good egg!

  130. I *love* James Garfield. This is the best wolf/bear/pig thing story ever. This year I’m matched up with my sister. Hard times, but glad I’m able to help out as I can.

    Thanks for the Christmas Miracle, Jenny


  131. Jenny,
    I don’t know if you got help with the doll but I’m hoping this is a chance for me to pay it forward. I have a beautiful barbie rapunzel, never opened, that I would love to send to Hailey! I know it won’t get there in time for Santa but I can get it there early next week. I sure hope I can do this for you and Hailey!

  132. Usually, when there is to be a TV interview, the interviewee is given some hair-and-make-up help.

    Now, you – well, you looked lovely.

    I am pretty sure James Garfield got ripped off. I’d even go so far as to call it DISCRIMINATION.

    I tell ya… once you’re elevated on some sort of (airquotes) pedestal (close airquotes), everyone just wants to knock you down, right?

    Poor James Garfield. He’s not just a goddamn saint, he’s practically a MARTYR, too.

    JustLinda recently posted I killed Santa but I’m sure you’ll understand.

  133. Such a wonderful story. So proud of all you and James Garfield and blogland has done!
    I went to my scary walmart yesterday because I was on a quest for a crayola crayon maker that is a. The stupidest idea ever. Who wants to melt old crayons together? My almost thirty year old sister apparently and b. A made up thing. Nobody has one.
    BUT in addition to the holiness people from across the river swarming around, they had TONS of Rapunzel dolls. Big ones. Mini ones with accessories, etc. Lemme know if you want one sent to you. Since you made a happy Christmas for so many others!
    Of course, the universe hates me so they’ll probably be gone but I am willing to schlep there and overnight that shit to you.

    AmyBlam recently posted Christmas Convos- Zombies Booze Yamakas Money Laundering.

  134. James Garfield totally should be a saint. In fact, he meets the requirements for canonization!
    1. Servant of God. Yeah, totally. Sure, why not.
    2. Declaration “non cultus”- Basically this one means that he is incorruptible, or he didn’t decay after his death which, as we can all see is the truth, thanks to the wonders of taxidermy.
    3. Venerable of heroic in nature. As you have stated, he has brought about multiple miracles. Christmas miracles at that!
    4. Blessed. All you need now is a letter from the church saying that he is “worthy of belief.”

    Then you can go about organizing his feast day, figuring out what he is the patron saint of (Taxidermy? Impulse purchases?) and writing him some songs.

  135. P.S. If I hear back soon enough I would be happy to send it overnight today.

  136. Jenny,
    Sorry my original comment didn’t come through. I’m rushed for time so I haven’t been able to check the other comments but if you have not found a Rapunzel I have a beautiful Barbie Rapunzel, never opened, that I would love to send to Hailey. This would give me a chance to pay it forward for all the help you and the my donors gave me and would warm my heart beyond belief to make Hailey’s Christmas wish come true. I know it’s late in the day but if I hear back from you soon enough I think there’s still time to get it shipped overnight. Merry Christmas!

    P.S. Here’s a link to one on Ebay: http://cgi.ebay.com/Barbie-Rapunzel-Childrens-Colletor-Series-L-K-/290370867263

    You are so sweet! Actually the one we got works just fine. I bought some hair-extensions and she’s all set. Thanks though! ~Jenny

  137. Ho ho ho kiddo. I’m glad to know that you finally were able to get out and do something for yourself. Because of you a lot of folks are going to have a happier holiday. Thanks for letting me bring just a little of it. Since it is Christmas have you thought about getting James Garfield a girlfriend for Christmas? It just seems like since he was the inspiration for all this wonderfulness it’s be nice to do something for him too.

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Unforgettable Gifts 7.

  138. This is way beyond awesome. Actually Metamorphosteph used the term “pull a Bloggess” to describe an act of random kindness and I think it is brilliant. “Pulling a Bloggess” should be added to Urban Dictionary. :-) James Garfield FTW!

    Merry Christmas, m’lady. You deserve to sleep for whole 3 days without anybody needing you. xxoo

    subWOW recently posted On a Clear Day in DC.

  139. Laughing and crying… there is so much awesomeness in all the giving, and the fact that you took James Garfield on TV with you I can’t stand it.

    Happy Holidays!

    Tamara recently posted Hello world!.

  140. My mom and I both enjoy your blog immensely and your humor & voice is right up my alley. Your “My Heart Grew 3 Sizes” blog restored my faith in goodness and humanity too. I’m an amateur blogger myself and I look up to yours. Ok, enough kissing your ass – get that damn terrorist eye-twitchin’ figured out!

    Lex McDermott recently posted Now &amp Then.

  141. Merry Christmas to you and yours, Jenny! I believe in the goodness of humanity again.

    Sarah recently posted Throwback Review- The Song of the Lioness series by Tamora Pierce.

  142. I’ve seen commercials for that crayon thingy. We used to do it without buying some expensive (cheap plastic) machine.

    Canadians are assholes?!?! News to me (a wanna-be Canadian – Love BC and Victoria has my heart)

    Only one miracle is required for beatification and…
    The feast day for the Blessed person is not universal, but is celebrated only in regions where the person receives particular veneration.

    Since Saint-To-Be James Garfield is venerated in the blogosphere – are we talking about a virtual feast day?

    Sarah Laurenson recently posted Not In The Holiday Spirit.

  143. Jenny you are a fucking rock star, I promise next year I will do my part to help someone in need if you do this again, just couldn’t swing it this year.

    Happy Christmas from a big fan in Minnesota

    Eric recently posted Snow.

  144. James Garfield is the new Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!

    Happy holidays, Jenny. You and your readers made my holdiay.

  145. Have you ever been to a really wild Xmas party at work where everybody got really drunk and Jenny from legal started a nude conga line and everybody joined in.
    Now every body has sobered up and we are back at work but because we’ve all seen each other naked we’re avoiding eye contact with our co-workers. Cos like dude, we’ve all seen each others junk.
    Yeah, today feels a little bit like that.
    Mary motherfucking X?as Jenny. To Victor and Hailey. Sorry that it all got so out of hand. I blame the economy.

  146. […] for example, the story of Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess) and how she turned the purchase of a stuffed and mounted boar’s head into $42,000 of gifts and […]

  147. I love that the anchor guy gets totally thrown off by the magnificent beauty of James Garfield and starts stumbling over his words. That’ll do pig, that’ll do.

    Crystal recently posted Best Spam e-mail Title of the Day.

  148. I received the best present ever today. A message from the recipient of my secret santa gift. I honestly feel that heart of mine expanding every time I read it. AND IT MAKES ME JUST WANT TO DO MORE!

    —–Original Message—–
    From: Amazon.com Gift Card Recipient
    Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2010 4:27 PM
    Subject: Thank you for the Amazon.com Gift Card!

    Thank you SOOOOO much Secret Santa! Jenny is a little miracle worker! I’m a single Mom of two little girls and I was really struggling with getting even just a few of the “must haves” for them this year. This gift from you goes a long way to not only making sure gifts are covered but it did WONDERS for my Christmas Spirit. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU and God Bless! I hope that by next year that I can be one of the givers instead of in need of receiving. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart (and from under the Christmas tree too) I hope you have a beautiful and blessed 2011!

  149. You and James Garfield both rock and have totally made my Christmas with what you two have done.

  150. Merry Christmas!!!!!
    I’m not sure about James Garfield but you are certainly saintly Bloggess!

  151. I was thinking next year that maybe James Garfield could be passed from blogger to blogger, spreading miracles and probably little tufts of fur and preserved flesh wherever he goes. It could be like Sisterhood of the Traveling James Garfield. We’d probably need FedEx to sponsor us, though. I bet that saintly boar is a bitch to ship.

    alonewithcats recently posted It’s a jolly holiday with you.

  152. I say we do this again next year: i’ll be handing out gift baskets full of vodka, dildos and crystal meth

    ps: is dildos the correct plural for dildo? i don’t know; not sure i wanna know either.

  153. YOU. ARE. AWESOME. This is even better than the boobie in your yard! And I *really* liked the boob in your yard… in a non-lesbian way… not that I’m judging lesbians I’m just not one.. Ok.. point is you’re awesome. I’m done now.

  154. James Garfield is the best side kick ever. His comedic timing is impeccable. When he rolled his eyes at the Canadian reporter…perfection I say. Pure Perfection.

    Don’t worry if none of you can actually see that part of the video….he winked directly at ME as soon as it was over. So you know it was really meant to be between me and James.

    A Vapid Blonde recently posted Sorry- Me.

  155. James Garfield is HUGE! What a hoot! And yes, you are AWESOME!

    leslie (crookedstamper) recently posted Purple Haze - Part 1.

  156. Obviously you need to contact the Lifetime network. They’ll make a movie, give you royalties, and thus this can continue next year.

    I’d totally watch it.

  157. I think the first miracle is that James Garfield looks so happy even though he’s taxidermied. I mean, The Real Houeswives of Beverly Hills are also taxidermied and yet they look sort of miserable.

    Marinka recently posted Merry Christmas! From My Oven to Yours.

  158. Being Canadian I thought I should let you know that your 4 minute interview was more popular here than all the seasons of Corner Gas put together…

    bschooled recently posted This isn’t really a post.

  159. That TV interview was James Garfield’s first, wasn’t it? He’s sort of a natural. But I can see what you mean about the nervous tic eye thingy. I’m willing to overlook it because you brought James Garfield on camera and not Victor. heh.

  160. Yea! I was hoping we’d get to see! You are so beautiful. Bless you!

    I’m in the gray area where we are almost not getting by – so I wished I could help but couldn’t – but not so much that we needed help ourselves. We are thankful for what we have.

    We are ALL thankful for you. Keep channeling the grace, you are SO awesome at it!

    P.S. I think we found a home for Chupa. Yet another Christmas miracle! :)

  161. 162
    Pam up north

    Lovely interview Jenny! How nice of James Garfield to give you the stage-he’s such a gentleman, er…gentleboar?

  162. Well, now you have a great way to convince Victor to buy any crazy thing you want

    Windsor Grace recently posted It’s kind of weird.

  163. I fucking love you and James Garfield. Not to mention all of the comments on this post, which had me CRYING, I was laughing so hard. You rock, lady.

    amanda recently posted reverb10 day 23- new name.

  164. Jenny:

    Seems like all the talk is about James Garfield and I can’t disagree, but you’re the real story here. You’ve put “giving” back into Christmas and I’ve got to thank you (and your minions) for showing me, the country and apparently now, the entire world the way to go about it.

    Also, too. Pay it forward.

    Well done, Jenny. Well done.


  165. Wow, I really like you now. My 1st visit was last week, but since we’re not in need, nor are we able to help anybody else right now, I didn’t comment. Plus, I thought you really were married to James Garfield and were friends w/Anderson Cooper, but come to find out you’re an ordinary woman (like the rest of us) who happened to start an extraordinary thing.
    The boar head kinda creeped me out cuz I have a pet pig & she kinda looks like James Garfield, cept she’s alive & her heads not as big, neither are her teeth. (thankfully) Being that you’ve taken care of Mr. Garfield since he’s been in your possession, I got past the boar head issue – so, I’m back to visit. :)

    jane recently posted Oops… turned comments on -.

  166. ” And uh, that’s a wonderful boar you got there beside you.. ” LOL!! As soon as that clip showed you standing there with James Garfield i just bust out laughing. In fact now everytime i picture it in my head i start laughing. That was awesome.

  167. James Garfield’s body, I’m assuming is in boar heaven, must be very proud of its head. I’m sure it was all like, “LOOK, look, it’s our head. It’s our head. Way to go head.” But the other boar angels didn’t hear that of course because duh, no head. But they knew something’s was up when for some unknown reason, the headless boar body got its wings. Way to go head.

    Ellie Belen recently posted My Brain is having an Eclipse.

  168. Wait, you won’t leave the bathroom at an event but you’ll appear on international television? I was nervous *for* you as I watched the clip. Good on ya.
    Also loved your knowing and adoring look at James Garfield at the end. Totally bounced.
    And still wondering why Posey is mysteriously absent from your roll of thank you’s. (Which include you, Victor, Hailey and Anderson Cooper.)

    Enjoy the holidays. You made mine.

  169. @Ellie Belen: Hysterical. I also considered the thoughts/reactions of James Garfield’s remaining body parts. Clearly, I need a refill.

  170. Rock on with your bad self!! :)

  171. Whoo hoo Stacey (#92) – I’m in! We can contact Mattel (or wait, no, slutty Jenny dolls are NOT what’s needed!) – let’s talk to Hasbro, they’re right down the interstate from me in RI! Bet we can sell this, NO PROBLEM!! And the way the Chinese factories are so fast, we can easily be geared up for next year ;-)

    Jenny, you are the most awesome, most beyond awesome, most amazing and wonderful blogger of all. :-)


  172. Okay, when you wrote MIRACLE NUMBER ONE and MIRACLE NUMBER TWO, I immediately thought of Val Kilmer in The Saint. ;D
    Thank you, Jenny, for inspiring this, and for giving two families the courage to ask for help that I could joyously give.

    I wouldn’t be suprised if this becomes a running year-round one-for-one benefactor program. The world needs that kindness right now. Happy holidays to you and your family.

    Yay you for your Canadian TV debut! Very cool that they let us see it in the US — many Canadian feeds are blocked stateside.

  173. You did an excellent job on tv! You’re such a good speaker too. I think you looked radiant and beautiful.

  174. And Victor didn’t even want to buy James Garfield.
    Can you imagine if Victor had convinced you to leave James Garfield at the Estate Sale????

    I think this is very likely exactly the plan that James Garfield had in mind.

    Colleen recently posted Merry Christmas!.

  175. I always knew you and James Garfield were destined for television. Rock on Jenny, seriously what you started here brought me to tears. And thank you to everyone who helped those in need, Merry Christmas to you all!!

  176. This interview has ruined my mental image of your tone. Somehow I expected your voice to be like a crisp, refreshing slap in the face.

  177. Laughing hysterically and crying too… I haven’t made up my mind yet.

  178. All the cool Canadians already KNOW who James Garfield is, so he needed no introduction.

    Awe-inspiring and beautiful thing you’ve done here, Jenny. Merry Christmas.

  179. Mom to mom, cobbler to cobbler… I was at Rite Aid and stumbled upon the perfect Repunzel Barbie (long hair, comes with 3 pairs of shoes, and tons of other accessories). Maybe you could call around and see if any of your local stores have one. She’s the best non-slut Barbie I’ve seen in months! Plus she’s on sale. And there’s a couple of coupons out there you could use to make her even less expensive. Can you tell the Coupon Goddess sent me your way?

    Merry Christmas!

  180. That was motherfucking awesome…and you are motherfucking awesome!

    And I think James Garfield moved during that interview, I swear! The Christmas interviews just keep rolling in!

  181. Merry Christmas Jenny and James Garfield!

  182. “That’s a wonderful (pause) boar you’ve got beside you…” I nearly peed.

  183. Next time, I’m thinking you should hide behind James Garfield (not because we don’t want to see your lovely face, but because it is funnier this way) and conduct the whole interview pretending to be his voice, you know, ventriloquist style (that word is fucking hard to spell). I suggest drinking milk before so you can get the throaty boar voice right. I mean, when I was learning Hebrew, that’s how they got us to pronounce words like challah and chai (Hebrew for life, not tea) so I think it would be a good way to make your voice more boar like. And then the news anchors will be forced to more fully acknowledge James Garfield and give him some freaking respect already.

    But maybe pop your head out at the end so you can send out some morse code messages to the greater Canadian population, and so that they can be stunned by your good looks. (See, another advantage to playing ventriloquist for James Garfield…the good people won’t be distracted by your hotness and will listen to why James Garfield is a saint and how you work fucking miracles).

  184. It’s easy to be a saint when you’re dead on the wall. Whom can you harm?

    the muskrat recently posted the christmas box.

  185. you are my hero. James Garfield is a close second. Victor is, well, Victor. Mwah.

    Sue recently posted Printer Give-Away Over By Der at Pioneer Woman.

  186. Oh, if we all could be so good and kind all of the time.
    Now *that* would be something.
    It was a real blessing to be able to give.
    Good work, THE Bloggess.

    pamela dayton time recently posted some items for your consideration.

  187. OK.So you said “James Garfield” and for a second I thought “James Gandolfini” and I thought WTF does the the mafia have to do with Canada?

    I blame it all on the wheelchair.

    The metal makes me 30% stupider.

    Anissa recently posted ’tis our season.

  188. I am new to your blog. I love it. Love this post. I will subscribe. Merry Christmas.

    Connie T. recently posted Don’t clean every window at the gas station.

  189. You and James Garfield make an excellent pair. For Christmas, my boyfriends family sends out emails to everyone LISTING everything they want in great detail, with a little note on the bottom to contact everyone else, so they don’t get the same thing twice. Vomit, right? Thanks for making the real feeling of Christmas count!

  190. Oh, and by the way. All they got from me for Christmas were those James Garfield Xmas cards. hahahaha. haha. hah…jokes on them :)

  191. I finally got around to watching the TV clip. It made me feel a little Christmas miracle-y too, even though I’m a notorious bah-humbugger. Good work, sister.

    beta dad recently posted A drunk from the alley visits Santas workshop.

  192. It was so fun to “see” you! and your right, James Garfield does look amazingly happy, and soo pleased with himself. Thanks for everything! Have a Merry, Merry Christmas!

    Lauraszoo recently posted jenny- the blogess.

  193. You rocked that interview and so did James Garfield.

    Elle recently posted Thanks to my husband- I received the worst Christmas card ever.

  194. You’re the gift that keeps on giving!!

  195. How frickin hilarious would that have been for someone sitting at home, eating their dinner, watching the news, and they’d be all like ‘oh, a christmas feel good charity story to warm the very cockles of my heart..’ and then there you are with a gigantic boar’s head called James, and apparently it is tthe most normal thing in the world that he’s right there by your side for the duration… no explanation, just a nice lady talking about charity, with a mountain boar’s head…

    LOVE IT!!

  196. Oh man!!! I’m new, and I can tell ya, you have one wet pant-ed fan!! (in a totally not creepy way! more of a lauged-so-hard-I-peed-my-pants) (but not really) :D Very funny! Keep it up!! And I hope you’re heart is ok ;)

  197. Love the p.s. quote at the end! And thanks for the backstory on James Garfield. All makes sense now :)

    Kimberly recently posted In the right placeat the right timewith the right people.

  198. Oh my God, Ellie — I wish someone would work up an animation of James Garfield’s headless boar-angel body up in the clouds, proudly watching its head giving interviews and then popping out some wings. I think I would die happy.

  199. 200
    Bilreyl Lough

    Where on the site is the interview? I have watched all the Mark Kelly Show I can stand!

  200. “Thanks for introducing us to James Garfield.” Fantastic!

    Really though, the generocity you’ve inspired this Christmas has me crying. I wish that I had enough extra money this year to contribute (then again–I don’t have so little that I would feel right asking for a card because so many are in need). What you and your readers have started is truly a miracle. Hopefully you will continue this tradition next Christmas, although you might get some reader or friend volunteers to help you. You deserve sleep!!

    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. To everyone.

  201. I haven’t been to mass in 10 years, but I’m pretty sure there is not YET a patron saint of bloggers. As James Garfield approaches canonization, we ought to put that bug up the Vatican’s ass. James Garfield: patron saint of bloggers.

    Fred Miller recently posted I’m Amazing.

  202. The comments on these posts are almost as good as the posts themselves…

    tracey recently posted Fa la la la barf.

  203. You are the best Jenny!! Thank you for helping so many people!! (great interview!)

    Jennifer S recently posted IT’S FRIDAY!! Merry Christmas Everyone – Enjoy the Video!.

  204. God bless Canadians, for not only accepting but embracing James Garfield’s giant taxidermied head. I’d say something more, but all my snark has been replaced by Christmas cheer. And booze..

    Angela@beggingtheanswer recently posted 2010- My Year In Review.

  205. Hysterical! And I’m so proud of you and the fact that you made international news by doing something good and not by a horrific accident! THAT would have sucked big balls! Merry Christmas! And AGAIN, thanks for ALL that you did!!!!

  206. 207
    Bilreyl Lough

    OK…the interview was awesome! There was a small touch of “OH bless her heart” in Mark Kelly’s voice that I found hysterical. I have lived in the deep south for only a few years and one of the first things I learned was that “Oh bless his/her heart” is southern code for…”Oh isn’t it a shame he/she’s so retarded”….Mark Kelly oozed “Oh Bless Her Heart” during the interview. He’s obviously not a reader of your blog….his loss.
    Merry Christmas to you and to James Garfield and….what’s his name?….Victor.

  207. I think you need merch with WWJGD on them.

    Sarah Laurenson recently posted Have I Learned Anything In 2010.

  208. I can’t begin to tell you how inspirational your story is. It’s one thing you found it in your heart to give back to others. It’s quite another thing how your generosity inspired others to give as well.

    I just wanted to mention how much I love reading your blog. I also love the serendipitous moments we stumble across while speeding down the information superhighway. I forwarded the link for your blog to my husband. Not only did he also love your story, he was amazed that you know and mentioned Anissa Mayhew. My husband worked and is friends with Anissa’s husband Peter. This got us to talking about how we live in a small world and prompted him to write a post to his blog (http:/bit.ly/about_size) about that topic.

    Thank you for being an inspiration and for making such a positive impact in the lives of so many people this holiday season.

    Lee Sullivan recently posted Size Matters.

  209. Fabulous… just freakin’ fabulous…

    I love it all… :)

  210. I just found your site and am blown away… I know it’s late, but does anyone still need help? Email me.

  211. That guy was an asshole. He had NO IDEA who James Garfield was! He should have done his homework so he’d know the boar that started an avalanche of altruism. Without James Garfield, there wouldn’t even BE Christmas this year…For fuck’s sake, call the pope already!

  212. Loved the video and the fact that the plaster newscaster barely acknowledged James Garfield. Classic!

    Happy Holidays and again, thank you for your amazing Christmas Cringling.


    Dotty recently posted Gimme head with hair long beautiful hair shining- gleaming- streaming- flaxen- waxen!.

  213. Don’t know why I didn’t realize this before: James Garfield is totally your confidence wig in that video.

    alonewithcats recently posted It’s a jolly holiday with you.

  214. I’ll be relieved when you get back to your regularly scheduled blogging because, frankly, all this James Garfield stuff is downright BOARING!

    Seriously, you’ll wear stars on your crown in heaven for all the good you’ve generated this season. Congratulations.

    feefifoto recently posted The Dance Of The Sugarplum Fishies.

  215. James Garfield makes my heart warm and fuzzy and filled with joy and I really hope that before I die I can kiss his taxidermied lips and say “Thank you for helping all of those people, JG. You are a hero.”

    Also, I’m not into beastiality, nor am I a necrophiliac. I just like kissing patron saints. Because it shows reverence.

    The Weed recently posted Sometimes You Just Have to Call Poison Control Twice in One Week.

  216. Good job Jenny! I’m from Canada & thought your interview was fabulous! Keep up the good work! I read your blog every chance I get.

  217. Tessa and I enjoyed see you on video and hearing your voice. You’re cuter than shit, by the way.

    Fred Miller recently posted I’m Amazing.

  218. I love you. This is so wonderful.

    Also Jenny recently posted NaNoWriMo 2010 – Wrap-up.

  219. 220
    Sharon in Canada

    I wish I’d have been able to watch your TV interview, but I don’t have cable.

    This post, though, is the kind of thing that gives me hope that just maybe the good people out there in internet-land (and in the world) outnumber the bad or indifferent.

    Merry Christmas, Jenny, and I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season and a fabulous 2011!

  220. 221
    Dymphnasis AKA Mary

    Thanks for the inspiration. My daughter and I went on a shopping spree at Borders and chose some of our all time favorite books and donated them to our community woman’s shelter. You sure made a fishes and loaves and wine (do I have that right?) story come true this year Jenny! Keep the good work you bad ass!

  221. As far as saints go, James Garfield doesn’t have shit on you & Victor.

    PS-the PIT (my daughter) is now calling you the BloggessClaus too :) Its catchy!

    singlemama_cc recently posted Role models.

  222. I love James Garfield posts.

    Hope you liked the Christmas card I sent.

    Rico Swaff recently posted Rick- Roxy and Baby Ruby Suave Sending You Holiday Hugs- Kisses and Charlie Horses.

  223. Merry Christmas, Jenny! You rocked on the interview and James Garfield does look insanely happy. I think $90 was a bargain. Speaking of which, I thought you might like to know that I had a glass of Montbazillac today in a small town in central France with a man who has one of James Garfield’s French relatives up on a wall in his upstairs hallway. I have a guest room, so if you and James (and Victor and Hailey) want to come to a town that sort of resembles ’60s’ Garland, Texas or Edmond, Oklahoma, come on over and I’ll hook James up with is long lost kin.

    The Pliers recently posted Lest We Forget.

  224. 225
    Corinne's zombies

    This made me think of your page:


    Yep. Merry Christmas and all that.

  225. Merry christmas! Your blog is the christmas-spiritiest thing that’s happened to me all week.

  226. Can’t wait to see what James and you will be cooking up in the new year ! He makes that taco bell dog look like a chump now that he’s dead too. I wonder if he got taxidermied as well.

    habanerogal recently posted A year ago.

  227. Jenny, I love you so much, I just got hives. Not even goosebumps, but HIVES.

    That is some serious love. ER levels of love.

    Thank you for… Man, just for everything. For helping families who need it, for giving other people a call to do what people are supposed to do – we’re all here to take care of each other. You and the ultra distinguished James Garfield just went Sam Jackson all over his holiday, all, “Where is the motherfuckin’ Christmas SPIRIT up in this piece?!”

    My heart, it bursts. You are a beautiful, amazing, incredible, WONDERFUL woman, and my hat is so completely off to you.

  228. 229
    Chiara's checked out

    This was such a wonderful thing! I am so sorry I hadnt turned on my laptop lately to catch all the buzz and to donate,Damn smartphone keeping me in touch but so out of touch! Next year I am all over this.

  229. Well done, Jenny & James! You did good.

  230. best part of the video, no doubt, is your loving look at James Garfield. but I didn’t recognize YOU without the bug curlers in your hair. Happy New Year to you, you did a really good thing.

    Laurie recently posted poor sad little girl.

  231. ha ha, I meant BIG curlers but bug is funny too.

    Laurie recently posted poor sad little girl.

  232. Dude! You ROCK! Thank you so much for letting us all be part of this miracle. (And thanks to James Garfield too!)


  233. What an awesome holiday this turned out to be. You looked good on the t.v. machine. Garfield looked happy as hell.

  234. Jenny, I think you ought to take James Garfield out on the lecture circuit. You two make a natural team! I can’t wait to see the two of you featured on “The Soup”!

    Happy Boxing Day, Y’all!


    EdT. recently posted Spotted On Teh Intertoobz- Sunday Edition.

  235. That was a great interview. You go girl…and James G….wait now he needs a celebrity name…how about J. Gar and you can be J. Blo. Wait. Don’t know if that’s quite what we were going for. Don’t want to see that in the phone book. Sorry.

    Still, great job. We can’t say it enough. You rock and all of the people that participated rock.

    Lookie Lou recently posted Power Paw Product Review &amp Giveaway.

  236. I love the James Garfield miracle – and your zazzle stuff is great. One request though – could you do something with “Sue me, I’m awesome!” I think that would be a great calling card.

  237. 238
    loulou beanbrow

    I love this story. But I can’t find the video *sadface*

  238. yay CBC! thanks again for starting the snowballing!!

    rebecca recently posted this moment.

  239. 240
    Sheri Carpenter

    That is awesome that you got interviewed. What you did was unreal and you changed alot of people’s lives! Thanks so much Jenny!!

  240. I have to say that is the most unusual video I have seen in a long time. You are talking about how hard it is for people financially right now, and because it it Christmas, and I am a little hormonal, I almost start to cry. Then I look at James Garfield and start to laugh. Laughing and crying in the same video. Awesome!

  241. 242
    Jesika Jennings

    Loved this. Shared it with many many many. I hope we helped.


  242. CBC rocks ;) And you know what I realized the other day? Canada is practically immune from zombie invasion for like six months of the year. Cause at -20 (I think that’s about 0 in farenheit) those suckers would be frozen steak on the freeway within a couple of hours, tops. Not sure about the rest of the year though.

    Christina recently posted Grey Cup 2010.

  243. utter awesomeness. that is all.

    Rusti recently posted knowledge is power.

  244. Did he just call you inane fluff? And A Bloggess? Also? I don’t think that newscaster reads this blog because he totally added the gift card part to the story too early. Unless they always talk like that in Canada and I’m the idiot for not speaking Canadian. Lost in translation from English to English. Again.

    Yellaphant recently posted Keeping the Oh- Christ in Christmas.

  245. I probably looked like an asshole in my office. I just laughed my ass off the entire interview looking at James Garfield and realizing these people have NO CLUE. Oh god. It’s so friggin FUNNY!

  246. Oh, and also awesome! Yay for Christmas miracles and the joy of giving! Y’all are wonderful!

  247. I love that you are the #1 most popular video on their site. I couldn’t find the interview from the link, so naturally I clicked their “most popular” videos link and there you were!

  248. Mark Kelley is obviously in love with James Garfield. Nice to see you getting some recognition in my neck of the woods! :)

    E3 recently posted Hitting Your Ten.

  249. This was amazing to see unfold!

    Now who are the people in the pictures that are flashing in the background? I recognized you, but the others?

    My Baby Sweetness recently posted Todays anecdote where I tell the mechanic hes full of it but then realize hes still working on my car and hope he doesnt cut my brake lines.

  250. OMG. I only came across this blog and got involved with the Christmas Miracle due to my friend posting it on Facebook, so I wasnt a regular reader before. But I came back today and read the back story about James Garfield, and seriously nearly peed my pants. I was laughing so hard tears were spilling over as i read the whole blog out loud to my husband. The awesomest of awesomeness.

  251. Haha — I think the anchor forgot to do his homework. Btw, I’m so sad James Garfield didn’t have his Christmas hat on :(. And also — we’re not all such twits here in Canada.

  252. I thought of James Garfield when I had lunch at this restaurant in Lafayette, IN. I snapped a pic so you could enjoy it too! http://www.flickr.com/photos/55162796@N00/5337459531/

  253. […] many things since we rescued him from dismemberment (not the least of which was the time when he inadvertently raised $42,000 to help people buy Christmas gifts for their kids and then ended up …) but today he adds “accidental matchmaker” to his list of […]

  254. […] a hooker with a heart of gold except instead of selling her body she sells rad t shirts and has a pet stuffed warthog that performs miracles.  I’ve seen it.  She’s the queen to WW’s king on the interwebs.  They even […]

  255. 256
    Chris from the Netherlands

    Hi Jenny,

    Love your blog and I’ve been reading it backwards since yesterday. Just wanted to say (as probably other people have done before me but I couldn’t be fucked to read the 200+ comments) that if people that can’t pay their gas bill contact you online for help…does that mean they do have cash for internet bills instead??

    Keep up the good work!!

    Chris xxx

  256. 257
    Melissa Duffy

    How awesome is that? $42,000 brought to you by a stuffed boar’s head and the word motherfucker. Or a woman who says whatever she thinks, which is totally not in fashion. Same thing.

    Jenny cusses, gets money, gives it to other people, and gets to keep James. All these years, I think I’ve been doing it wrong.

    And P.S., I remember a post where Victor was complaining about Jenny buying towels. Seriously, towels. Cheap towels. I bet he’d even use the towels. He should save complaining for giant stuffed boar’s heads…. if he could find one that wasn’t awesome.

    Further, since you’re still reading, I’d like to point out the greatness of “goddamn saint”.

  257. Helloooooo! Canadian reader here. Just working my way backwards through your blog and enjoying every minute of it!

    Just wanted to say (even though it’s a year later) how much this story touched me and how much I wish I could have watched that cbc video live at the time! Wonderful to see you and James Garfield on Canadian tv!!!

    Cynful27 recently posted Me.

  258. You are AMAZING. So much fucking amazing! So awesome that you helped the families and the readers here too. Epic. Happy holidays, ya’ll!!!

    Lucy Ball recently posted A Slap In The Face For Christmas.

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