I swear, I don’t usually post about my cat this much

in my cat's toes, Random Crap

Ferris Mewler is back from the animal hospital today, after losing both his claws (it was medically necessary.  Stop judging me) and his testicles (for cosmetic reasons.  Kidding.).  He’ll be in a hard collar for the rest of the week, much to the amusement of the other cats, whom he has mercilessly terrorized and bullied since day one.  I’m usually not one for sharing 200 pictures of my cat, but today it’s hard not to make an exception.  He looks like he’s dressed like a martini for Halloween.

Homecoming:

It's easy for cats to be sarcastic, because they can't accidentally laugh in the middle of their insults.
There was *nothing* accidental about this.
"What? Take a nap. I won't pee on you. WHY WOULD I?"
A lesser person probably would have considered making a game of seeing how many ping-ping balls she could throw in there, but *I* would never do that. BECAUSE I LOVE THAT DAMN CAT. And also because I don't own any ping-pong balls.
I do, however, own dry-erase markers.

347 thoughts on “I swear, I don’t usually post about my cat this much”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. This is just what I needed after the hell of the morning I had! Thanks 🙂

  5. Oh, you photoshopped that!

    Still funny, though… 🙂

    (Only because I couldn’t get it to look right in real life. Moustaches are harder to draw than I expected. ~Jenny)

  7. The mustache adds a nice touch of what are now only dreams of masculinity.

    Funny stuff. Animals in cones always crack me up. (Poor things.)

  8. Mustache cat is not amused, but I am! hahahahaha! In all seriousness though, hope he gets well soon.

  9. I’m so glad I’m not the only crazy lady out there posting obscene amounts about my cats.

    Ferris Mewler and your little orange/white kitty look just like two of mine!

  12. You make me want a kitteh. Shh… don’t tell the fiance. He can’t know he’s won yet.
    He might just be jealous of the mustache. Poor little Asian with a lack of facial hair.

  13. OMFG was I laughing out loud in my office. I love that you love your cats and I really love that you shared this…even if I am a dog person with a sever cat allergy, natch

  19. Best use of sarcastic cat captions I’ve seen in a long time. I was totally laughing and I’m not the “can I haz cheeseburger?” cat picture type. Well done.

  22. You’re a brave lady. I have this fear of cats: they’re sneaky, and they always look like they’re plotting something. I’d be afraid of having my throat sliced by a claw while I was sleeping. Oh, wait, that’s why you had them removed . . .

  23. ferris mewler is like the greatest cat name ever!!what are your other cat’s names? oooh you could throw grapes instead of ping pong balls

  25. Love it! However, I would have left out the bit about your ping pong ball-less-ness. You know you’re going to be getting obscene amounts of ping pong balls in the mail, don’t you?

  27. that last pic of your cat totally made me snort out loud at my desk at work… so thanks for that… my Monday has been really crappy and I needed that..

    here’s to a speedy recovery for Ferris!

  30. Bullying is such a hot topic right now, I think this could totally make a good PSA.

  31. you know, cats love ping pong balls. so, you have a double reason for getting them – the photo op, and the fun they’ll have chasing them all over your house.

  35. I’m rolling laughing at the last picture. I’m surprised that you haven’t made any martini cracks yet.

  40. Oh, the suppressed rage in those eyes…

    Poor kitteh. At least we all know that collar isn’t going to last the prescribed amount of time, right? When Poco was declawed, way back when it was really a big surgery, she came home with those big bandages on her paws that were supposed to last a week. She walked into the house, shook off one bandage with a flick of her wrist. Flicked off the other. And went on about her day. Cats? Badasses.

  43. I’m crying from laughing over here! Now I can’t WAIT to get my kitten fixed and declawed in September. FUN times await.
    PS, I love that you’re a cat person.

  45. Seriously – are you in my brain or something? Or are we taking the same drugs, because these are the same types of comments I would post if I could, and if I was funny, and had time and had 3 cats. It’s like your my id (Freud id, not “yes I am clearly over 21 you high-school dropout checker are the grocery store so give me my damn Mike’s Hard Lemonade and let me get the fuck home” id)(Yes, it irritates me rather than flatters me when I get carded. I need that alcohol and I don’t need to be identified by you!)

  46. You should definitely make an olive to put in that Catini. Kittini. Pussini. I don’t know. You’re the bartender, you choose the name.

  47. He’ll remember this. In 6 years he’ll pee in your favorite shoes. It won’t be because he’s got kidney issues.

  50. Now I have “I do not like the Cone of Shame” on a constant loop in my head. So, thanks? But I also haven’t laughed so hard in a long time, so , yes, thanks.

  51. Just wait until he eats canned food. It can be a real mess.

    Oh, and my cat took out 3 vet techs when he woke up with his balls missing. When I came to get him I had to go out back and get him out of the kennel because they were too scared.

  53. I was going to ask how Ferris is going to get a drink of water, but never mind … he’s at the bottom of a big-ass glass. L.O.V.I.N.G. the Stash Cat pic!

    We have no ping-pong balls at our house, either. (No jokes about our ping-pong being neutered.) However, my 15-year-old son asked just yesterday if we could get a couple dozen because he found out from a friend how to use them to make smoke bombs. Hey, what are friends for? (Still no ping-pong balls.)

  54. Toy mouse attached to string attached to the outside edge of the cone. You think he could figure out how to catapult the mouse inside the cone?

  55. I think we may have stumbled upon a derivative of beer pong that involves cats, martini glasses, and ping pongs. I’m going home to play right now. Rest assured, for every shot I miss I will be drinking a martini.

  56. I think grey tabbies are just naturally good at looking/being evil. My evil grey tabby: http://tinyurl.com/3rv3web

    I wonder if Ferris is going to get his ass kicked now that he is partially incapacitated? It would be a good time for Posey and Rolly to exact their revenge.

    P.S. The black ‘stache was a touch of comedic brilliance.

  59. Mister Mewler does look awfully dapper in that last shot. Such a shame he won’t be able to entertain the ladies for a while, or fully ever again.

  64. Oh poor Ferris. I’m sure he will get you back some day. Mine got me back the other day when I awoke to the smell (stench) of cat poop on my pillow. Yup. Some kind of explosion must have happened and I got to wake to my cat looking rather befuddled and my pillows covered in cat poo splatter. Good morning!

  66. I hate cats. There I said it.

    But I love that damn mustache on the collar of the cat. Too freaking funny. It does make you want to play beer pong though. It would add a side of adventure chasing a cat while holding a beer and seeing if you can get it in the collar. Brilliant.

  67. Here’s hopes his balls and claws have a speedy recovery. 🙂

    Julie
    ilikebeerandbabies.blogspot.com

  69. OMG I didn’t just laugh, I snorted. Had to show to my Mr and then he snorted. The stache’ just kills me, along with the daggers he’s shooting you…

  70. Cat with mustache! Almost as much fun as Beyonce. Almost looking forward to my cats next visit with the local vet. Do you think the vet will wonder why I want to plastic cone when he’s just there for a teeth cleaning?

  72. Whoa, is your cat polydactyl? Because those pics make Mewler… Mewler… Mewler… look totally polydactyl…

    (Totally polydactly. ~ Jenny)

  73. We used to have a cat that LOVED olives. Since he is pretending to be a martini…..

  74. I’m TOTALLY dressing my baby up as a martini this October. I’m sick of his uppity attitude at 2:30am. Is it wrong to seek revenge on a 2month old?

  75. Thanks for the awesome “laughed-until-I-cried” Monday! You rock Jenny!

  77. So funny cuz it’s true. I wonder what would happen if you had turned him into a martini somehow. I’ve always thought cats + booze should = good fun!

  81. That cat is scary. Period.

    He freaked me out before the surgery with his overt sexuality & he is freaking me out now with his thinly disguised homicidal rage.

    Hide ya kids! Hide ya wife!

  84. I honestly don’t mind 200 pictures of Ferris Mewler, as long as there are other hilarious posts sprinkled in there as well. His naturally cranky-looking face makes him hilarious and adorable.

  85. I am not a cat person – and that is still the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. Possibly in several days. LOVE it!
    Crystal

  87. I LOVE these pictures and captions!! So funny. I volunteer in an animal shelter and have six adopted cats of my own so I know these attitudes well. You captured the essence of the cats perfectly. LOVE the dry-erase mustache. 🙂 You made my day with these. Thanks!! 🙂

  88. Sooo…. I just recommended you as a speaker for an anti-bullying event (not sure if they followed up w/you or if you “do that”), however just realized that judging by the last few posts, someone that is not familiar with how awesome you are may get the totally wrong idea… haha…
    P.S.: Stop bullying your cat (p.s.s.: grapes… definitely – more humane than marbles)

  89. Ferris is gonna get me fired today, I swear on all that is holy. I just YELPED in the office. Please tell Victor that the internet has asked that he take away your sharpies. It would greatly help the employed readers. thanksverymuchly.

  90. So I was having this really crappy day where I just had to call the police because my neighbor wont leave my yard, and I was all grumpy and anxious. Then I read this and the last picture made me lol, and now my whole day is better. I think Ferris Mewler has magical powers. (Or maybe it’s you)

  91. one of my cats had been in a soft collar. until he got shit on it while using the litter box. i don’t want to know how, but i refused to clean it off. awesome husband threw it out. so, there goes that.

  93. So, this was hilarious! Right up there with metal chicken humor. After I finished laughing I showed it to my husband. He is now completely convinced we need to get a ‘cone’ for our 3 year old. Thanks for making me laugh and also for making me have to pay extra special attention that my husband isn’t out shopping for a toddler-size cone of shame. You rock!

  94. You DID NOT draw a mustash on Feris Mewler. You DID NOT. What a cruel, cruel world for a cat.

    My friend’s cat recenlt needed one of those asshole collars. Instead, he got him a blow up neck brace so he could eat more easily. The cat would slide his front feet through the hole and walk around with an inner-tube type thing around his waist. Hilarious. And cruel.

  99. Dear Mom (and I use the term loosely);

    I have suffered through your unending midnight wanderings; your tendency to sneak invincible fowl into my inner sanctum, and your love of the phrase “Fanatical Pussy Stalker” as well as any man. But you, Mother, you have gone too far! Not only have you empowered the upcoming coup from my underlings, you have also ecatsculated me in front your fans. You are pandering Mother, and panderers end up crazy, cardigan-wearing, politicians who spend their afternoons dancing in airport bathroom stalls.

    As your faithful cat I have brought you innumerable meals. From crickets, pigeons, squirrels and dust bunnies, I have hunted non-stop to put food on your table. You are only human and cannot be trusted to feed your self. My gods look at how Dad just lays around with nary a spear to chunk at wandering mammoths!

    Just remember Mother. You sleep with your mouth open and your toes out from under the covers.

    Sleep well,
    Ferris

    PS – the catnip has been in short supply and Posey has worms.

  101. Pingback: Geek Mom’s Ramblings: Blue Monday is Blue | Geek Mom Rambling

  102. Too funny. Feel free to post cat pics anytime you can make fun of their lack of testicles and other misfortunes.

  104. My favorite picture is the one where he is looking up at you telling you he hates you. But really, couldn’t all cats do that everyday because dogs love us, but cats love themselves. Hence the bullying problem.

  107. I have never seen a cat with more hatred in its eyes. Poor kitty. Laughing so hard at your cat dialog. Did you take a special class for that? Dialog is very difficult to master!

  108. ROTFLMFAO….

    The first thing that came to mind was the Cat-Martini glass….

    The Second was I should probably stop laughing or my co-workers are going to put ME in one of these collars…

    The third was that might be fun in the right setting, but not at work.

  109. When I was the office manager (I answered phones) at a Veterinary clinic, we called those E-Collars, short for Elizabethan Collar. Which makes me think that I would love to see Ferris dressed as Queen Elizabeth. I think that he would love it too…. Yes. Queen Elizabeth with a MOOOOStauche.
    I’m bored, can you tell?

  110. I’ve spent my whole day with my 7 month old who is exploding out of each end. This made me laugh so much and be thankful my metaphorical balls are still present. Thanks Jenny

  111. These pictures remind me of my two cats, Cromwell (gray shorthair) and Theta (lynx-point siamese). Cromwell got a little absent minded in his old age. He’d come along and start licking Theta, go on auto-pilot and forget to stop. Theta’s face would tighten and tighten, until she’d let Cromwell have a no-claws open paw, and then he’d go away.

  112. Jenny – are you telling us that Ferris Mewler no longer has his thumbs?

    OH THE HUGE MANATEE!!!

    ~EdT.

  113. I just want to say I’m relieved there are no pictures of his testicles in this post… But you sure showed some balls, cats don’t forget ya’know

  114. That’s so awesome! When I got that done my my cat, he had trouble eating. The cone would scoop up food from his bowl when he tried. LOVE the kitty ‘stash. 🙂

  115. My boy cat Jackson would cry EVERY time I drove past the Vets office that removed his balls. Its like he KNEW. I hope Mr.Mewler feels better. Make sure those other cats don’t pick on him to much!

  116. Holy smoke I just choked on my coffee with that last photo ..

    The moustache suits him though 🙂

  117. Nothing will elicit a fuck you very much from a cat quicker than a martini cone. Except possibly a new puppy. He will recover just fine. Love Posey getting a little back!

  118. Girl, toss some cottonballs in that cone. Your daughter could play and you could tell her it’s a game like they play at the County Fair. Make the cat hate the whole family not just you! Keep the camera handy for all the hysterics of him bouncing off the furniture, walls and doors. Hours of entertainment for all… (Yes, I do have cats!) Thanks for the laugh on a Monday!

  119. I had to excuse myself from my desk as my laughter was not appropriate for workplace behavior.

    I may have snorted.

    Twice.

    It makes me feel better about what I just posted of my cat…

  121. Well, if Ferris doesn’t have any balls, I don’t think it’s fair that you should own any, either.

    I love that you’re a cat person. And he’s totally going to kill you, as evidenced by that third picture.

    Someone needs to Photoshop an image of that vampire guy with a Cone of Shame around his neck and see if the similarity is stiil there.

  123. I think I just peed myself. And now my fellow ‘school hasn’t started but we are all at school working anyways’ friends thought I was having a spaz attack.

    Cats are fucking hilarious. They always have the best facial expressions. I think we should all take more advantage of them for humor like this.

  124. OMG I’d piss on my pants if I was wearing any. that is seriously funny. although in the last photo your cat looks like he hates you and is planning his vengeance… fair is fair though

  125. I wish I had your imagination when my cat had her “Cone of Shame”. It was still very funny because whenever you looked at her she growled at you. Funny and terrifying. Mostly terrifying.

  126. Jenny, you really are the cure for crappy Mondays.

    Dry erase markerstache just *made my day*. 😀

  127. Such a simple form of pet torture…I LOVE it! When my mentally handicapped cocker spaniel, Maggie was a conehead for 3 weeks, she would regularly try to use the dog door. I didn’t have the heart to take photos…oh but did I laugh and laugh and laugh.

  128. I hate cats. HOWEVER, I will seriously consider getting one if leaving the satellite dish around it’s neck for the rest of it’s life is socially acceptable. Because that shit is funny.

  130. I laughed out and called my husband in to share the experience. He was only slightly amused as he hates cats, even ours. Nonetheless, you’d be wise to sedate him for the next few days. Nothing calculates revenge better than a pissed off cat in a cone of shame.

  132. OMG!! I love it! I have 3 cats, but Mr. Pickles is the only one with personality..i would so blog about him if I could!!

  133. It’s not torture if the vet *told* you to put on that cone, right? Right?? The look in those cat eyes is pretty scary, btw. Don’t leave out anything valuable, especially if it can’t be washed with industrial-strength deodorizer.

  134. In some of those pictures, he so looks like he is either going to trip you so you fall down the stairs or smother you in your sleep. I would avoid the stairs and sleep with one eye open…

  135. lol, If I were Ferris I might just pee on you in your sleep because you had my balls removed and then had the nerve to throw it in my face (pun intended) with the ping pong balls.

  136. Reading this while nursing a (my – just to clarify) baby. I had to hold in my laughter so I wouldn’t disturb her. I almost peed my pants.

  137. Also – I think the mustache made him very distinguished-looking. Sort of like the most interesting cat in the world …

  138. I’m pretty sure this post may have been funnier than the whole Beyonce thing. And it seemed so nonchalant and unintentional. You’re all, “Yeah, so my cats do things.” And we’re all “omglulz!” I can’t tell what’s funniest though. Is it the captioning? The sequence ending in hte Totally Awesome and Golden Picture? Either way, it’s positively Brilliant!

  139. I wonder if the whole martini thing would work, though. A catini… It could be a new thing… And of course, gotta have the stache…

  141. HI-larious!
    Wish I would have thought of it when mine was in the cone of shame.

  145. While I have sympathy for Ferris, I am overcome with a need to add to the mustache and draw a fish tank with a variety of dry erase colors!

  146. Poor Ferris Mewler’s balls! Don’t you care about the balls?? He’s probably spending his time thinking up fantastic ways to KILL YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP! Good move, Jenny, good movie. Starting the cat revolution in your house. Smart.

  148. If laughter is the best medicine, you’re a heart & brain surgeon extraordinaire!

    This laughter is so what I need right now. Thanks! 🙂

  151. Popcorn. My cats love popcorn. and it’s light… so you won’t hurt him AND you are giving him snacks… so it’s not really torture, right?

  155. Holy hell, that’s so freaking fantastic! I love it that FM has been such an ass to the other cats and they now have their revenge. I’m not a forwarder but I’ll have to send this to a few people. Thanks for the giggle.

  157. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! Thanks for ALWAYS making my day!

    Hope Ferris is feeling better soon. 🙁

  158. I can’t decide which photo I like best, the first with the sarcastic cat comments or the last with the photoshopped stache. Poor Ferris.

  159. Those Elizabethan collars are FUN when it comes to giving treats though! I gave my dachshund a dog cookie when she was wearing hers, and when she tilted her head back to chomp the cookie it split and she had part of it fall into the collar. I asked her if she was saving it for later. I fished it out for her, I felt too sorry for her to laugh while she tried to figure out how to get that cookie bit into her mouth.

    We just had to put her down 2 weeks ago.. she was almost 12 and my sweet puppy girl. What great memories though!

  161. On a similar, dog-related note…my mother has a mini daschund that had to have a cone on her head once. When I went over to visit, she came bounding out of the house towards me…scooping up leaves that eventually filled the cone so she could hardly see. She wasn’t the brightest dog.

  163. Ferris Mewler IS Mewler, P.I. — the new cat version of Magnum, P.I., because that’s totally Selleck’s mustache.

  165. Well, you kind of had to put the stash on him so everyone knows he is a boy… since you removed his danglers.

  167. Ferris sure knows how to rock the Cone of Shame! It must be fun to watch him try to lick his way out of it 😀

  168. Just physically laughed out loud. Read you in insomnia land but tonight I’m drinking so things are looking up. All hail “Beyonce”.

  170. I couldn’t help myself. I hijacked your lead picture and shared it on my FB page. HILARIOUS! (and I don’t even own cats…). HOW do you do dialogue with your computer! If you ever have a few mins to share your secret – I’d seriously love to know.

  174. Make sure to add ping pong balls to your Xmas list so that you are properly prepared in the future.

  176. oh poor ferris! he’s so cute in his little cone of shame!! I have 5 cats myself and i love them all. I am a self proclaimed crazy cat lady and i have more pictures of my cats that i even do of my husband. oh yes – i’m that girl:)

  177. Perhaps you could use some craft puffy balls as ping pongs from the craft drawer that Ferris likes to get glittified in. They would hurt a lot less than ping pong balls and he’s familiar with them.

  178. My dog had the Cone of Shame a few months ago that he would use to scoop up our kitty and run around the house with her about 100 mph. Not Appreciated…

  179. snorted my wine out my nose for these photos and captions , then passed the link along!

  180. Cat karma is a bitch when it finally comes around to bite you in the ass because, sometimes it removes your manhood and toenails in the process. If you were especially evil, you have to sport the “cone of shame” too.

  182. I recently used my dog to pick a winner for a giveaway on my blog, I am not one to judge. I do however, think you could market cat cones with a variety of facial hair. 🙂

  183. 1. Ferris Mewler is the best name ever for a cat. 2. Does Ferris Mewler have thumbs? Cats with thumbs fucking rock. 3. These are the best cat pictures on the internet, ever. 4. I don’t think I’ve commented here before, but you are furiously awesome and I’m a huge fan! Also, my husband & I got married in June 1996 so I felt like we were celebrating our anniversary with you, in spirit.

  184. So, my Icarus, who is coincidentally wearing a “cone of shame” as well, just sat up in my arms as I read this. He looked at the screen, and when the mustache pic came up, he growled, mewled, and hissed. The he hiked his tail in the air, and departed. I do believe he is jealous of Ferris!

  186. In addition to the Magnum P.I. mustache mentioned above, I do believe Ferris may need a pair of yellow shortie shorts with white trim.

    Fucking hilarious comments, too.

  187. I could never figure out how cats eat and drink with the cone on them, it looks impossible. I love the captions.

  190. KITTEH HAS AN OUTRAGE.

    Next time one of mine has to wear the collar, the ping pong balls are comin’ OUT.

  191. you do realize he’s gonna barf in all your shoes as soon as that cone of shame comes off, right? he’s looking at the camera like he already chosen the first pair to hurl in…

  193. You made my day! Thanks for making me pee my pants.
    And my cats would like to meet your cats (although one of my cats thinks he is a bird and has been trying to hatch a stone for days… don’t ask)

  195. Please forgive me for posting one of your pictures but the mustache picture is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in ages. I will credit you.

  196. Ok so you may just be turning me into a cat person *Arrrrgggggghhhhh* and by cat person I mean a person that likes cats not a michelle pfeiffer in black lycra type person (I wish)

    Nicole x

  203. OMG! I got to the last photo and nearly spit my coffee out on the computer! You are hilarious and so is Ferris Mueller!

  206. I love when they get stuck and all confused because their head fits but the cones doesn’t. and I mean love in a totally evil I laugh at my cats sort of way…

  207. Poor kitty! I laughed my entire way through the post. Those were some of the best picture captions ever. The last one, with the mustache, oh my. That had me rolling.

  211. “Captain Hastings – zher is a traitor in our midst! Quickly, mon amie! Bring me zhe shoes so that I might poo in zhem!”

  213. You made my day!! LMAO. I wish I would have thought of it when my cat was in the collar. Ping Pong balls..sheer genius

  214. You made may day. Sheer genius…ping pong balls…I wish I had thought of it when my cat was in her collar! LOL

  215. Actually awesome. I’m just waiting to see exactly how he repays everyone when he gets the martini head off.

  218. OMG he looks SO PISSED. That’s incredible. When my cat came home after his big sex-altering surgery, I was excited for the cone but he didn’t have to have one because they didn’t stitch him up, they used some sort of magic or something. It was a little disheartening. He did, however, come home totally fucked up on pain meds and it was sad and hilarious at the same time to try to watch him walk around.

  219. Okay, the moustache is awesome! You are brillant, I SO want your brain when you’re done with it!

  221. Love your blogs. This one is so clever and I adore all the pictures and their captions.
    One thing tho…..”Poor Kitty” !!!!

  224. It is absolutely necessary for you to post pictures of the Cats at least once a month. I demand it. And I’m pretty sure your boss, you know the one who works at City Hall, demands it.
    Cat lady or not (I am), this is funny and adorable shit.

    Thank God cats already look sarcastic…. It makes it that much easier for us to say “catty” things for them… Oh God, I need to stop. I am starting to annoy myself.

    xo

  225. LMAO doesn’t quite cover it!

    btw- you’ve been linked to by Wil fucking Wheaton.

  228. That’s awesome. What program did you use to edit the balloons in? I’m trying to learn how to do that in PhotoShop now.

    (I use Picnic.com. I highly recommend. ~ Jenny)

  230. I love the metamorphosis from Ferris Mewler to Inigo Montoya in the last picture. Go ahead, say it: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You stole my balls and claws. Prepare to die (of laughter because I look like the Ace to this cat’s Gary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g067Fgd7sN0.

    Also, please refer to any episode of Saturday Night Live from 1996 to refresh your memory about the origins of Ace and Gary.

  232. I would not worry about any cat revenge. I don’t think he has the balls for it.

  234. I laughed sooooo hard when I saw these pictures. My two favorites are the one where he’s absolutely telling you with his eyes how much he really hates you and the one with the mustach. I may print those out and hang them over my computer for when I get bummed out.

  235. Did you know that Wil Wheaton posted a link to this post on Google+ this morning?

  236. Oh, and I forgot to add the he introduces the post with the following sentence: If you like things that are awesome, you should totally read The Bloggess, by the way.

  238. Thanks so much for that laugh. The martini comment caused Sierra Mist to go through my nose –and it was still worth it! Also. Is Ferris a Hemingway cat? He looks like he has thumbs. My Astrid has thumbs on her front paws. We figure one day she will use them to take over the world.

  239. That is just hillarious! 🙂
    I understand the declaw part for serous reasons (esp. medical ones). Not judging you at all love. You are a brave kitty cat friend. 🙂

  241. I can’t tell you how much I love cat cones! He totally looks like a martini. “Did you get a haircut?” made me crack up. Cats don’t get haircuts! LOL!

  243. Would it be insulting if I said that this is my favorite post on your blog? LOL
    I love making fun of my cats, so naturally, now I must figure out how to humiliate my cats as much as poor Ferris has been humiliated.
    I hope he doesn’t read your blog. LOL!

  247. OMG. I am laughing my ass off right now…. I could totally send you ping pong balls right now… if you wanted… but they probably won’t arrive before his collar comes off… It’s worth a shot though…

  249. OMG! Those photos and captions are hilarious! You should submit them to LOL Cats at icanhascheezburger.com. That’s some funny stuff! Thanks for the laugh! Tell Ferris Mewler I’m sorry to laugh at his misery, but this is worthy of a card or t-shirt or something!

  250. Love the mustache. And I think you could totally sell those animal injury collars as some sort of crazy sex toy.

  251. I CAN TOTALLY HEAR YOUR CATS SAYING THAT. EVEN THO I DON’T KNOW YOUR CATS PERSONALLY….I OWN A CAT, AND I CAN HEAR HIM SAYING THAT TO ANOTHER CAT… IF HE WAS EVER AROUND ANOTHER CAT TO SAY THINGS…. OK, SO I COULD TOTALLY IMAGINE YOUR CATS SAYING THAT BECAUSE I CAN HEAR MY CAT SAYING THAT TO THE DOGS HE RUNS AROUND WITH…

    BUT THEN CATS DONT ACTUALLY TALK… EH. YOU’RE CATS ROCK.

  252. I CAN TOTALLY HEAR YOUR CATS SAYING THAT. EVEN THO I DON’T KNOW YOUR CATS PERSONALLY….I OWN A CAT, AND I CAN HEAR HIM SAYING THAT TO ANOTHER CAT… IF HE WAS EVER AROUND ANOTHER CAT TO SAY THINGS…. OK, SO I COULD TOTALLY IMAGINE YOUR CATS SAYING THAT BECAUSE I CAN HEAR MY CAT SAYING THAT TO THE DOGS HE RUNS AROUND WITH…

    BUT THEN CATS DONT ACTUALLY TALK… EH. YOU’RE CATS ROCK.

    ALSO, I THINK I POSTED THIS TWICE. BC I SUCK AT LIFE. THANKS.

  253. You know, normally, I don’t like cats… so this really made my day! Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

  256. Doing the wheezy laugh interspersed with snorts, tears running down my face, etc. O.M.G. Fucking Brilliant.

  258. Thank you so much for this! A friend Tweeted it & I’m sitting here in the vet’s office, waiting for an ultrasound to see what is wrong with my Rocky cat and desperately neede the laugh. I hope Ferris heals quickly so he can smack the other cats for their impudence. 😉

  259. I thought the picture of Beyonce at your front door, entitled “Knock knock, motherfucker” was hilarious but the first picture of cats and their comments just cracked me up! As a mom of twin boys with Autism, your blog is my escape, my breathing room, my “mine time”… So, THANK YOU!

  260. I would so go to the store, buy ping-pong balls (which by the way, did you know have different ratings from, say, common to really good? and the prices rise by scale. I had no idea someone would spend around $10 for one ping-pong ball. When I was a teenager we used the ping pong table to make out on.) and throw them in his protective collar. We have five cats and my daughters will put them in the desk chairs and then spin them as fast as they can and then film them trying to walk on the floor. Is that considered animal abuse? Whatever it is, it’s pretty damn funny and the cats still seem to love us.

  262. We want to get one of those things for our dog, mainly for our own entertainment. And we have actually talked about how we would throw things into his little cone, because we know he loves us, and would totally forgive us later.

  263. OMG I fucking love you so much. I want to leave my husband for you, but I know you don’t swing that way and you’re married….Thank you for making me laugh like I’ve never laughed before. Totally needed it!

  264. Oh especially lovin the mustache! And YES, he does look dressed up like a Martini. Great Blog – I just found you today! Thanks!

  265. I just started reading your blog, and in one day I have read your first 2 years worth of stuff. I absolutely ADORE you. I’ve tried blogging, but I’m just not really that good. The entire thing turns into this huge “poor me” page. In any case, I love how you’ve turned your mishaps into humor, and I think your blog is lovely.

  266. Cats were once worshipped as Gods by the ancient Egyptians. They have never forgotten it.

  267. Just found your blog, and OMG you are hilarious! I laughed all day thinking about Beyonce, the giant metal chicken; and the mustache on the cat cone, can’t believe my husband didn’t think of that one. Can’t wait to tell him. Also telling my friends about your blog. Brillantly hilarious!!!!

  268. Thank you for the best laugh of my night!!! Best wishes to Ferris Mewler!

  269. My cat was so pissed when he got the hard collar.

    Mostly because I would throw his dry food to him from across the room.

  271. I’m wondering whether you bathe your cat. Tessa thinks I should bathe President Gorbachev since she may have fleas. I don’t think it’s a good idea to shower with your cat. What’s your opinion?

    (Unless they’re ill, I’m anti-cat-bath. I’m also anti-bleeding. Those things go together. ~ Jenny)

  272. Is it just me or would Mr Mewler be suitable for an all feline version of Flash Gordon as Ming the Merciless…

    The evil stare as well as his own wardrobe!

  273. you know the official name for that contraption is the e-collar? you know why? it’s named after queen elizabeth’s “fashionable” collars. do you think she’d be insulted if she knew her fashions were now worn by busted up pets?

  274. where in the hell can I get one of those without the vet bill??
    Too dam funny!

  276. At first I thought you wrote …HE LOST HIS TESTICLES (FOR COMEDIC REASONS)…
    which is actually pretty comedic after all
    (though it depends on who’s holding the scizzors)

  277. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but once you get one of your cats neutered/spayed, you have to do it to all of them. You know that, right? Because otherwise Ferris is going to turn into one serious prison bitch and get all fat and disgusting on you.

    Just sayin’.

  278. This cat cannot enjoy his cat’s life because he is wearing something that hold him from being with the other cats. I’m a pet lover and I don’t think that this is a good idea of treating your pet like this. I will never be cruel to animals.

  280. Wow, I’m surprised that they didn’t just send him home with some post sx “keep an eye on him” instructions before recommending some Bitter-Apple for any potential licking/scratching/biting: The Cone of Shame just seems so extreme! Funny (at his expense, of course!) but a little extreme.

  281. Oh my gosh, this is totally my cat today! She just had surgery yesterday and has to wear the cone of shame. It is pathetic and a little funny at the same time. One of my other cats is totally freaked out about it, like some kind of feline alien has landed in our living room. We come in peace… as long as you have catnip!

  284. OMG!!!! This is SO damn hilarious!! I love it! the convo with the other kitties is to DIE! I read this at work and had to clamp my hand over my mouth to hold back wild raucous laughter! I LOVE the mustache too! HA!!

  285. That is too funny. Being a cat owner makes it all that much funnier. I can totally see my cat having the same reactions.

  288. Judging by that third pic,You know Ferris is totally going to smother you while you sleep, right?

    I needed a laugh today, our farmette is currently hosting a predator conference (This weeks lesson, rats scream when you try to kill them for eating all your chicks. Who knew? )

    I also miss my Kitty. The raccoons tried to dig him up and they shit on his grave. I left them a present…

    I’ve been looking for replacement Kitties, but my husband for some reason thinks we should just go get a “free” kitten instead of a nice shelter cat.

  292. Needed this today. Thanks! Is it hard being so funny all the time? 🙂

  295. OMG. Please photo shop clear liquid and two green olives.

  296. I didn’t go through all the comments, but I wanted to say that your picture is now making the rounds on tumblr. I think Ferris Mewler is going to be tumblr famous one day…
    I went through the notes to see if anyone gave you credit and only one other person in over 500 did.
    That’s kinda typical for tumblr tho. Sad but typical.
    I haven’t commented in FOREVER!
    I had to repost the picture so at least one other person gave you credit with a link to this post.

  297. Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Mr. Mewller… I love that he has such a potty mouth.
    Thanks for this… I laughed out loud but then could only share with the more mature members of my family… don’t want my younger kids picking up any “hurting words” from Ferris.
    maggie

  298. hilarious, but you guys are obsessed with porn; it’s Mr Pringle’s moustache

  300. He goes by the name of Ferris Moustache Mewler. Love this. I always do cat voices and conversations. Makes me feel less crazy that I’m not the only one. Don’t worry, I’m not a crazy cat lady. Merely a comedic genius.
    Ps. How can you not love cats???!

  301. So I’m sitting here crying from laughing so damn hard and my co-workers are staring at me. Thank you for making people think I’m crazy because I just die laughing at random.

  302. I think one of these pics of his face needs to say “You won’t be laughing when you check your shoes, Bitch!”

  303. totally not related to this but i am about, i think, to bring you a new reader. friend of mine posted on FB that she thinks she’s in love with Beyonce. So of course I had to ask whether she meant the singer or the chicken. she has no idea what the fuck i’m talking about. she will soon…LOL

  305. I’m having surgery on my neck tomorrow and I realize everyone is going to mock me with my collar like you are smocking your poor cat. Except mine will give off electric pulses too. So I’m going to be Ferris Mewler in an electric fence. THANKS FOR FREAKING ME OUT MORE!

  309. Oh my f’ing Gawd!!!! I laughed so hard!!!!!! The last one just pushed me over the edge, my dogs looked at me and left the room and the cat went under the bed!

  311. Oh my gosh, I just found your blog and it’s hilarious! I love this post. I wish I would’ve done more creative things with my dog’s e-collar when she got her girl parts out.

  313. Ferris Mewler with his ‘stache just popped up on my Tumblr dashboard! (Uncredited, unfortunately).

    Nick Holmes declared the image an “opportunity not missed”.

  314. Even with the collar, he is a beautiful cat. I love the balloon remarks. I need to do this with pics of my 4 felines.

  315. why did you have your cat declawed?

    (He’s polydactyl and had extra deformed claws growing into his paw. It seemed painful so we removed the claws. ~ jenny)

  316. This is hilarious. Laughed til I cried. Thanks for the good times. Hope your cat is doing fine.

  318. LOL Hilarious! I have a Russian Blue with allergies who sometimes wears a cone…I *totally* identify with the third pic, and her striking green eyes make it even creepier! Love the caption too!
    And Jenny, my friend has a polydactyl cat too…Aussie has six toes on her front paws. I don’t know if the claws caused any pain, but she doesn’t seem to have any problems at all.

  319. He looks like he’s already plotting his revenge. Which I know is what cats do pretty much anytime they’re awake, but still, he looks like he’s going to dream about it tonight, too.

  320. Hey Jenny!

    I just wanted to tell you that you are one of the greatest people on earth! I share nearly all of your blogs on Facebook so that my friends can have wet spots of pee on their pants just like me! You are hilarious! Never stop!

  323. I wish I could *Like* or *Love* your posts! Will your website let you create something like that?

  326. You are an hilarious writer! So glad Janelle shared a link on Facebook about your blog!!

  327. Hilarious! I have to share this post with all my cat loving friends. I am a big cat lover of one special cat, though I never do post about him. Maybe now is the time, 🙂

  328. hiLARious! When we were kids we used to dress our cat up and pretend he was a student at school and we were the teachers & every time he complained he’d get his name on the chalk board. This is just as funny.

  329. Absolutely, positively hysterical. Thank you for the much needed Friday morning belly laugh. 🙂

  330. Just wanted to share my 3 year old’s thoughts on your cat….first, “i want that cat.” Then, “that cat looks like a fattie” (her favorite word right now, we’re working on what it actually means…well sort of, it’s pretty entertaining to hear her call random things/people fatties). And lastly about the mustache, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  331. Laughing.
    Laughing.
    Laughing.

    Okay, calming down.

    Now I can ask – what is that font that you used for the text bubbles in the pictures?

  335. So I was on reddit.com today and guess what I found? Ferris Mewler! I was like I know that cat; I have seen this picture! Obviously I read your blog too much…but anyways here is the link that I found:
    http://i.imgur.com/7nuc1.jpg

  338. Mewler! Mewler! I love his name!! I hope he is getting even with his fellow kitties for his homecoming!! LOL!!

  339. Had you lined the collar with aluminum foil, you could have used him as a satellite dish.

    Just a thought.

  340. @Lesley

    I’m not surprised he KNOWS. I drive past the hospital where, after the accident, I had to have my testicles removed, and I can tell you it gives me the creeps. Bad memories.

    Strangely, I didn’t get the same feeling when I bumped into the surgeon that actually removed my balls. Perhaps it was because it was at a bar and I was drunk and she was kinda unemotional about it. She probably didn’t even remember where exactly she had operated, and I wasn’t about to say “Hi, I’m the guy whose balls you cut off.”

    Anyway, that’s it from this ball-less guy.

  344. This design is incredible! You definitely know how to keep a reader entertained.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Fantastic
    job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.
    Too cool!

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It's like I'm stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

MY INSTAGRAM

Happy Caturday to all who celebrate.
Poem of the day:
If you ordered signed copies of my books from @nowherebookshop I just signed a shit-ton of them with increasingly erratic inscriptions. I’m so sorry.
Pick. Me. Choose. Me. -Hunter S Thomcat

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

Sarah Linn on Medium: Humorist or unstable person with an internet connection? You decide.

Uncommon Creatures Digital Portraits: Animal art inspired by Earth’s most magical creatures. Got your own beloved pet you’d like to memorialize? Have no fear… let me turn your fur-baby into a work of art.

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

%d bloggers like this: