I just got a form-letter blog pitch from a PR agency congratulating me on my “bludgeoning career“.
I’m going to assume they meant “burgeoning”. I’m also going to assume they sent this form letter out to hundreds of other bloggers. Which is kind of hysterical.
Burgeoning: To begin to grow or blossom; to flourish.
Bludgeoning: To beat someone repeatedly with a heavy object; to inflict blunt- force trauma.
My reply: That’s very kind of you, but honestly I haven’t bludgeoned anyone publicly in years. And I was certainly never so adept at it that I would have considered it “a career”. I do appreciate the recognition though.
Surprisingly, there has been no response from the PR agency.
159 thoughts on “Someone get them a dictionary.”
Read comments below or add one.
I bludgeon people on a regular basis so I’m kind of offended that I never received that letter……..
Perhaps they were speaking of verbally bludgeoning? Or trying to convince you into a career of bludgeoning?
Come on, now. Don’t make fun of little errors. It’s not like they are in the business of communicating or anyt . . . . wait a second. I’m being informed that they are, in fact, in the communications business.
I think you should try to live up to that lofty title.
you bludgeon me with your wit regularly
Oh my gosh that is hilarious!
I am pretty sure this was a PR pitch full of wishful thinking. Or maybe that’s just me.
Please hurry and start your burgeoning bludgeoning career! Immediately.
Someone get a message to WilW. There’s another picture to take…
Inside, you were thinking, “Shit, how did he know?”
I once had a supervisor write a letter to our boss in which she complimented the “breath of my knowledge” and declared that I was “superior to none.”
Perhaps they were trying to shift your energies into a different direction. Tell me, was the PR firm from New Jersey? If so, that explains everything. Maybe.
Maybe they think you’re a Quidditch star?!
Love the way you haven’t denied the practice….just not publicly 🙂
Kicking myself that I never considered bludgeoning as a potential career… Does it pay well?
Or a Quaffle!
Bahahahaha!! That’s just freakin hysterical! And so unbelievably sad
The ‘bananas’ gave you away ;0
The Bludgeoning Bloggess? It has a nice ring to it. I think you should go for it. You might get some cool new business cards and perhaps they supply the weapons…or at least give you a bludgeoning budget. I’m sure there are one or two people on your short wish-I-could-bludgeon list.
You’re the best kind of person. The kind that burgeons people.
But you have bludgeoned people in the past, right?
Did I send that letter to you? So so sorry. I meant to send that one to Conan the Barbarian. I understand he is back in action, and I wanted to get in on his good side.
I meant to send you the letter from the American Plumbing and Bathroom Fitting Association. We are looking for a spokesperson, and I understand you have quite a presence in the field, and bring a unique and refreshing perspective of making the bathroom the life of the party.
Contact me, if this sounds like something you could get behind. The contract isn’t chicken feed, but could keep you quite flush for years to come.
Best fail of the day… They make it sound like mafia, and therefore makes me wonder if they operate near the union docks… If they do get back to you, I’d love to see their response.
Maybe it was the intern…you know…that person fresh out of college that has a degree? You can’t expect them to know the English language at its fullest yet…
I would question Victor… Just sayin’
That is so cool. I’d love to have a bludgeoning career! I could beat the hell out a few choice people.
Fucking dictionaries, how do they work?!
#SpellCheckFail = Loss of Job Security
Could we hear from Victor on this?
“Bludgeon”. Good word to scribe on a banana.
I see new Congrats cards and t shirts in the making! Congrats on your bludgeoning career! I can just see them now and I want one!
Those kind of spelling mistakes make the inefficiency of the ‘message recall’ feature at least 325% more hysterical.
Also, the difference between signing an email from a professional office ‘Regards’ is apparently very much different than signing it ‘Retards’…for the record. Whoever invented the randomness of the keyboard is s raging wank-hole.
I work in PR. I should make a lot more money.
I was flattered when one of the executives in my organization told me that I was known for my great execution skills. I assumed he meant m yhistory of successful product launches. Then my father (quite the literary type) pointed out that he was probably referring to my track record for firing people. I will never know.
definitely a complement. your writing hits so hard, you’re knocking people out left and right.
They’re obviously confused; don’t they know you’re stabby?
Just on the off chance that they meant to send the letter only to those who actually have bludgeoning careers…and they included you by accident…I’m going to be very careful when it comes to meeting other bloggers in person.
That’s hilarious!!! Maybe they know you bludgeon Victor secretly? 😉
I recently blogged about a Cosmo article titled, “His 6 Secret Sex Spots.” There were only 5. http://smartgirlsmut.wordpress.com/2011/07/04/i-like-the-backyard-party/ Never underestimate the power of incompetence.
Perhaps they were implying the 2nd definition from Merriam Webster…
Since your blog has (very recently I might add) become a weapon against poor defenseless bananas all over the nation. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
1: a short stick that usually has one thick or loaded end and is used as a weapon
2 : something used to attack or bully
I’ve been bludgeoning people for years. I didn’t know you could get paid for it!
Well, you do love a lot of taxidermy. Maybe they’re just ASSUMING things.
Geez, what a ridiculous typo! They flunk PRness.
Priceless. That’s why we do the writing.
I think they’re trying to get you into a new career as axe murderer. They make so much more money from their book deals. Or at least the agents, ghost writers and publishers do.
That is hysterical.
I believe whoever wrote and approved that memo bludgeoned themselves out of a job. Or maybe they saw a picture of Beyonce and got confused?
Everybody likes to make fun of the PR guys, but they have their ways of knowing shit, and you have to consider, as I’m sure Victor has – even though he probably hasn’t said anything for fear of being bludgeoned in the blogosphere – that they chose the word carefully and used it correctly. Either that or they’re just a bunch of ignorant hacks trying to make a living without working, and, Lord knows, the InterWeb is chock-full of asshats like that.
They know about the bodies.
I would sincerely beat the living fuck out of somebody for a letter like that. You can pick who it is. I’m not particular.
Publishing a blog that causes blunt-force trauma is a hell of a compliment!
That’s the best incorrect use of a word I’ve seen since somebody sent me a press release about someone being awarded a plague in thanks for their service.
R U sure it was a typo? I totally believe the bludgeoning.
Could thy perhaps they were referring to your zombie vanquishing?
I pray every single day that I’ll get a PR pitch like that.
Damn you auto correct!
I’ve been porpoisely misusing words all week. No one spleens to notice. 🙁
That’s ridiculous. They should know you’re much more stabby than bludgeony.
Um … er … congrats 🙂
Haha! your response is the best part of this 🙂
I think you are underestimating that whole William Shatner thing! Serious bludgeoning!
You should have ended your response with “Bludgeoningly Yours.”
Wait, you mean spell check doesn’t correct grammar, too? *forehead smack*
Wait… you can make a career out of that? What was the name of that company?
There are a few people wwho I would like to give a good bludgeoning…it would be great if I could get recognized for it too…jealous
Dammit, I wanna be a career bludgeoner. Too bad I wasted all that time in college to be someone who wears people down little by little until I’ve eaten their souls. Bludgeoning would be so much more fulfilling.
The scarier part is not that they think YOU bludgeon as a career, but that they made it a form letter. I’d be shocked to find out that there are hundreds, perhaps even thousands of career bludgeoners. Maybe that explains the sounds I’ve been hearing from the house next door…
Maybe you should reevaluate your carreer path?
Is his person is so disappointed, that he uses metaphors in his attempt to vear you and others from making the same mistake?
Peace from the Eternal_Clatter
Maybe they were just confusing bludgeoning with stabbing? You do like to stab. And PR people prefer big words. Maybe stabbing was just too short?
Classic! It always amazes me how many typos go out in printed/published media. Doesn’t someone proof read this stuff!?
Bludgeoning is much more entertaining than burgeoning. I mean, obviously your blogging career is flourishing. But bludgeoning could be fun too. Or not. Sad times that they didn’t respond. Perhaps they had to downsize and fire the secretary, which could potentially explain how a typo got into a mass mailing. Or maybe they are just not the brightest crayons in the box.
But I do think you should frame the letter!
Stop opening copernicus’s mail! He has bludgeoned a bitch for less!
LMAO!! I just have to say since finding your site I have at least one “LMAO” a day, either via FB post or your blogs. Thank you for seeing the humor in life and letting it be as twisted as mine?
There should be an award for the best bludgeoning blog. I’ll bet you’d win.
Maybe Copernicus reported you. He wants his face back.
A friend today VERY wisely proof read his very first Self-Evaluation before he turned it in. Thank heavens he did because he had opened his statement with “This is my first self-ejaculation” Damn you, spell-checker!!
Oh that’s cute, they must’ve let the intern write a pitch and they thought to use a big word. Good for them 🙂
Oh for chrissakes, I really wish people would NOT use big words if they can’t use them properly.
On the other hand, I think you would rock at a bludgeoning career. Hell, you have Copernicus and Beyonce as assistants. And James Garfield as press manager.
I’m going to trust that they knew what they were talking about. They are a PR firm after all. They are clearly just saying that they can make you look good as you excel in your bludgeoning career.
PR can do wonderful things with any train-wreck, illegal, violent or self-deprecating careers. Just look at what PR firms have done for Paris Hil…wait maybe Britney…um, no…LiLo (is that what they call her now?)…ah hell, public relations has gone down the crapper.
My husband had to ask me what was so “snort-worthy”.
how rude that they didn’t have the decency to reply!
In all honesty, Jenny, with YOUR blog it’s pretty accurate.
Shh!!! You are going to get me in trouble! I am supposed to be watching football with the husband and I just snorted!
It’s best to invest in a meat tenderizer for your purse if you’re going to be embarking on a bludgeoning career. I hear they make handy melee weapons.
Can there be a like button for the comments section?
bludgeoning careers are the best!
Sounds like a politically correct term for a thug.
Oh, don’t worry about Jimmy, he’s not violent, he just has a career in bludgeoning.
The only question that matters is, how could they have known about your burgeoning bludgeoning career???
all i know is that you were gone for, like, EVER and i’m glad you’re back.
shit was getting boring, yo.
Very clever PR folks, very clever. Clearly they are not aware you are stellar in the field of stabbing. Much more delicate, requiring more finesse and much closer range than bludgeoning.
My spell check disaster occured on my final capstone college paper. My word processor changed Pushkin to Pushpin. Not a big deal, not like I was a freaking Russian major and the entire paper was on Pushkin’s symbology. Prof totally noticed. Might explain why I don’t work in my major or the whole collapse of the Soviet Union thing, but whatever.
An assistant principal once described a drama teacher’s plan for a musical as a “nefarious” plan. At the time we thought he might have meant nebulous…Maybe not.
I love how you point out you haven’t done that “PUBLICLY in years”. Yeah I try to keep that behind doors too.
Well, they are bludgeoning the English language…
I am sad. My hubby doesn’t seem to think that I should have your blog as our homepage on the family computer… I think he’s wrong. Perhaps I should bludgeon him.
And you were kind enough not to reveal their name and bludgeon them publicly.
Perhaps they’re implying you provide hard-hitting news.
The irony is astounding. You’d think someone from a PR agency would be able to use the right words. I wonder if he/ she has been bludgeoned, thus ending a burgeoning career.
The comments were almost as entertaining as the blog post. “bludgeoning the English language” hehe!
They haven’t responded because they are still trying to figure out who will handle the reply now that they have fired the ass that sent that letter. For what it’s worth, I love your bludgeoning.
Too funny…maybe someone didn’t like your blog and that’s what they meant? Or maybe Victor wrote them because you’re always picking on him…lol Or maybe Victor wrote the letter himself…hmmmm…maybe the bananas wrote it…sorry, it’s very early and only 1/2 cup java in so far….
No doubt, the PR company hasn’t responded yet because they are still trying to figure out how to spell “embarrassed.”
You know? I’ve been thinking about a career in bludgeoning. Any advice in how I get started?
Have you considered a name change, to “Jenny the Bludgeoness” maybe?
If not, there’s no need to beat yourself up about it or anything 😉
Bravo on the bludgeoning. Maybe they meant congratulations on your bloody good career? Ha.
I would be careful giving you such ideas…bludgeoning could be fun?
I bought a feather bludgeon at the dirty book store here in Topeka– the one nearest us. I bludgeon Tessa with it pretty often.
It might not be a mistake. Your words do slay us. 😛
I’m just trying to imagine the letters they’re receiving back from bloggers who also bludgeon people to death… Methinks they’ve just wandered down a new career path by accident. If I’m honest I really don’t think they’ll be able to get back either. It’s like a mafia style rabbit hole…
…So I’m told.
I don’t know, I often feel bludgeoned by the hilarity of your posts…just sayin’
That’s awesome. I’m sure I’ve bludgeoned enough people to receive a congratulatory letter… Alas, it hasn’t arrived yet.
Stabby. The total opposite of bludgeoning…so they understand the violent nature of your blog, but not the method of delivery of your righteous anger. That’s a small point.
I think you may have just read the letter incorrectly… Maybe it was more of an offer than a recognition of your past achievements. Ya know, kind of like “Congratulations! You’ve just won a new car!” except that in this case it was “Congratulations! You’ve been selected to fill our opening for a professional bludgeoner!” And really, I think you should take them up on it… This company clearly supports and encourages physical violence, which is something we can all get behind.
This just underscores the importance of attention to detail: in the midst of your righteous indignation at the idiotic Got Milk campaign you may have threatened to gut Victor with a broken lamp, but you did not mention beating him repeatedly with it. And we’ve established that Beyonce is sharp edged, so even if you pushed her over on him, it would be more in the family of a stabbing than a bludgeoning.
Holy crap, someone just got fired. Unless it was a scam. In which case, they’ll just spell something else wrong in the next email you get.
Oh dear God. I always wonder why/how companies don’t spend an extra couple bucks for a proofreader before sending out mass mailings. Tacky, tacky, tacky. BUT fodder for a hilarious blog post! :o)
I bet the bananas tipped them off.
Damn you AutoCorrect!
You bludgeon with your words, baby. Just ask Captain Kirk… 😀
HaHahahahah Kelly “The Bludgeoning Bloggess” nice
Maybe Copernicus and the bananas have teamed up and the email is actually from them hoping you WILL start a bludgeoning career.
Hahahahah – spell check!
I’m thinking they see your career in Clubs 😀
Of all of the PR letters you’ve mentioned here, this is my absolute favorite. Hands fucking down.
As a side not, I think I would be really good at a bludgeoning career. Perhaps you could forward them my info.
You can do that for a living? :0o Sign me up!! :0D
Oh wait… wouldn’t that make you a dominatrix? Or rather, a bludgeonatrix?
Jenny the Bludgeonatrix.
Has a nice ring to it. ;0)
I give them kudos for probably being obsessed with Season 4 of Dexter using that word.
I see what you did there. your reply was:
That’s very kind of you, but honestly I haven’t bludgeoned anyone publicly in years. And I was certainly never so adept at it that I would have considered it “a career”. I do appreciate the recognition though.
Now will you come clean about your PRIVATE bludgeoning career?
This is FABULOUS. 🙂
I was in the design/advertising business for 15 years, and you ALWAYS have someone else read your work before the client/prospect sees it! This definitely a *bang head on desk* moment.
I think the only other “typo” I’ve seen this bad was when I worked for a sign shop and one of the guys had to install 8-foot letters along the roof-line that said “RIVERHOUSE”. We got a call about a week later and had to go back and fix it because the dumb-ass had installed the letters to read “RIVERHUOSE”!
Clearly unpaid, over-privaledged, moronic college interns are becoming the Norm. – And good luck on your Bludgeoning Career! Remember, even if you’re on Vaca or if you’re on a break – keep up your good work of Bludgeoning. At the very least you’ll have something to Blog about upon your return.
*not only did this make me cringe… my shoulders and back spasmed in light of obvious english grammatical errors, as well as in irony regarding congress, immigration issues, et al.
PS – I really like your Blog.
I’m a PR pro and find this to be a mix of hilarious and pathetic. I’m printing your post for my office wall.
Oddly enough, right after reading your post, this comic came up in my newsreader:
I think it was all just a misunderstanding.
I suspect you are exactly the sort of woman who can bludgeon people with your writing!
Classic. You really should name the PR agency. C’mon. Chicken.
You paid more attention to that pitch than you would have if they used the correct word. The luck of idiots…
Well, I would be in high dudgeon over this, I can tell you that! Oh just try and Google dudgeon, then insist that you do not mean dungeon. I feel my language slipping away…
but I’ll bet you’ve considered it…right? I’m sure someone in that particular PR office is considering it right now. Fabulous!
I’m pretty sure this is the most entertaining thing I’ve read all day! Thanks for sharing.
They probably meant bludgeoning.
this is a winner.
I am in the process of starting a blog…..I am from Texas and I think this is in my backyard! LOL…Love your site. CC
Maybe they got an auto correct. My iphone does it to me sometimes. However, doesn’t someone proofread it first before it’s been mailed to you?
haha, excellent. someone learned to use a thesaurus the hard way from that one! haha
Wait. Maybe they really meant bludgeoning. Seriously.
OK – so in the case of my blog… I’d have to say bludgeoning might be accurate… sometimes you just have to hit people over the head with stuff… I’d say I try to be as blunt with the facts as I can, so perhaps ‘blunt force trauma’ is the right phrase…. 😀 Thanks for the smile!
This is my first time visiting and this made me laugh- I look forward to reading more!
I say, Go with the PR agency. They obviously get you in a way that no other PR agencies do!
This is the thousandth comment so you probably wont even see it, but I haven’t been visiting my favorite blogs in months. And man, what a disappointment with some of them- lots have lost their edginess and sense of humor. Not you! Kudos, so glad you’re still here (even tho you’re in Alaska).
> Which is kind of hysterical.
I’m going to assume you mean “hilarious”. “Hysterical” is a condition of a person, not of an event, and it’s generally a bad thing, except when combined with “paroxysm”.
I used to work in a PR agency, and this makes me cringe!!! I finally got out of that biz when I was finally fed up with having to make media follow-up calls for grocery store grand openings. It wasn’t until one day I got to call editors about a food-borne illness outbreak that I realized how sick and wrong the whole job was for me. It felt so bad that my best day professionally was one where lots of people got sick. Anyway, now I sell tampons… but I really try to be a human being about it, and *not* a checklister!
Here I have been trying to NOT beat anyone to death while pregnant and NOW you tell me that I could have had a career in bludgeoning? Shit.
OMG. I have tears rolling down my cheeks. And, my husband, who is not a word person/lawyer like I am keeps asking why I am laughing so hard. Only, he doesn’t get it when I try to explain. Maybe because I am laughing so hard I don’t really make any sense? Or maybe because he really doesn’t know what EITHER of those words mean?! LOL
Thanks for the entry!
Absolutely hilarious–and an awesome reply!
Laughed out loud.
THis one killed me.
Holy shit I just peed a little! That was hilarious!!!!!
I’m a little sad that I never received an email on my bludgeoning career. And then I remember, Whew! That means no one’s caught me yet.
People who don’t know how to properly punctuate a sentence (get an AP stylebook, please, if you’re going to write about communications) should not criticize the writing of other people.
Classic. It felt so bad that my best day professionally was one where lots of people got sick. My husband had to ask me what was so “snort-worthy”. On the other hand, I think you would rock at a bludgeoning career.