Someone get them a dictionary.

I just got a form-letter blog pitch from a PR agency congratulating me on my “bludgeoning career“.

I’m going to assume they meant “burgeoning”.  I’m also going to assume they sent this form letter out to hundreds of other bloggers.  Which is kind of hysterical.

Burgeoning: To begin to grow or blossom; to flourish.

Bludgeoning: To beat someone repeatedly with a heavy object; to inflict blunt- force trauma.

 

My reply:  That’s very kind of you, but honestly I haven’t bludgeoned anyone publicly in years.  And I was certainly never so adept at it that I would have considered it “a career”.  I do appreciate the recognition though.

 

Surprisingly, there has been no response from the PR agency.

159 thoughts on “Someone get them a dictionary.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Come on, now. Don’t make fun of little errors. It’s not like they are in the business of communicating or anyt . . . . wait a second. I’m being informed that they are, in fact, in the communications business.

    Never mind.

  2. I am pretty sure this was a PR pitch full of wishful thinking. Or maybe that’s just me.

    Please hurry and start your burgeoning bludgeoning career! Immediately.

  3. I once had a supervisor write a letter to our boss in which she complimented the “breath of my knowledge” and declared that I was “superior to none.”

  4. Perhaps they were trying to shift your energies into a different direction. Tell me, was the PR firm from New Jersey? If so, that explains everything. Maybe.

  5. Kicking myself that I never considered bludgeoning as a potential career… Does it pay well?

  6. The Bludgeoning Bloggess? It has a nice ring to it. I think you should go for it. You might get some cool new business cards and perhaps they supply the weapons…or at least give you a bludgeoning budget. I’m sure there are one or two people on your short wish-I-could-bludgeon list.

  7. Dang!
    Did I send that letter to you? So so sorry. I meant to send that one to Conan the Barbarian. I understand he is back in action, and I wanted to get in on his good side.
    I meant to send you the letter from the American Plumbing and Bathroom Fitting Association. We are looking for a spokesperson, and I understand you have quite a presence in the field, and bring a unique and refreshing perspective of making the bathroom the life of the party.
    Contact me, if this sounds like something you could get behind. The contract isn’t chicken feed, but could keep you quite flush for years to come.

  8. Best fail of the day… They make it sound like mafia, and therefore makes me wonder if they operate near the union docks… If they do get back to you, I’d love to see their response.

  9. Maybe it was the intern…you know…that person fresh out of college that has a degree? You can’t expect them to know the English language at its fullest yet…

  10. Those kind of spelling mistakes make the inefficiency of the ‘message recall’ feature at least 325% more hysterical.

    Also, the difference between signing an email from a professional office ‘Regards’ is apparently very much different than signing it ‘Retards’…for the record. Whoever invented the randomness of the keyboard is s raging wank-hole.

  11. I was flattered when one of the executives in my organization told me that I was known for my great execution skills. I assumed he meant m yhistory of successful product launches. Then my father (quite the literary type) pointed out that he was probably referring to my track record for firing people. I will never know.

  12. Just on the off chance that they meant to send the letter only to those who actually have bludgeoning careers…and they included you by accident…I’m going to be very careful when it comes to meeting other bloggers in person.

  13. I think they’re trying to get you into a new career as axe murderer. They make so much more money from their book deals. Or at least the agents, ghost writers and publishers do.

  14. I believe whoever wrote and approved that memo bludgeoned themselves out of a job. Or maybe they saw a picture of Beyonce and got confused?

  15. Everybody likes to make fun of the PR guys, but they have their ways of knowing shit, and you have to consider, as I’m sure Victor has – even though he probably hasn’t said anything for fear of being bludgeoned in the blogosphere – that they chose the word carefully and used it correctly. Either that or they’re just a bunch of ignorant hacks trying to make a living without working, and, Lord knows, the InterWeb is chock-full of asshats like that.

  16. I would sincerely beat the living fuck out of somebody for a letter like that. You can pick who it is. I’m not particular.

  17. That’s the best incorrect use of a word I’ve seen since somebody sent me a press release about someone being awarded a plague in thanks for their service.

  18. I think you are underestimating that whole William Shatner thing! Serious bludgeoning!

  19. There are a few people wwho I would like to give a good bludgeoning…it would be great if I could get recognized for it too…jealous

  20. Dammit, I wanna be a career bludgeoner. Too bad I wasted all that time in college to be someone who wears people down little by little until I’ve eaten their souls. Bludgeoning would be so much more fulfilling.

  21. The scarier part is not that they think YOU bludgeon as a career, but that they made it a form letter. I’d be shocked to find out that there are hundreds, perhaps even thousands of career bludgeoners. Maybe that explains the sounds I’ve been hearing from the house next door…

  22. Maybe you should reevaluate your carreer path?
    Is his person is so disappointed, that he uses metaphors in his attempt to vear you and others from making the same mistake?
    Peace from the Eternal_Clatter

  23. Maybe they were just confusing bludgeoning with stabbing? You do like to stab. And PR people prefer big words. Maybe stabbing was just too short?

  24. Bludgeoning is much more entertaining than burgeoning. I mean, obviously your blogging career is flourishing. But bludgeoning could be fun too. Or not. Sad times that they didn’t respond. Perhaps they had to downsize and fire the secretary, which could potentially explain how a typo got into a mass mailing. Or maybe they are just not the brightest crayons in the box.

    But I do think you should frame the letter!

  25. LMAO!! I just have to say since finding your site I have at least one “LMAO” a day, either via FB post or your blogs. Thank you for seeing the humor in life and letting it be as twisted as mine?

  26. A friend today VERY wisely proof read his very first Self-Evaluation before he turned it in. Thank heavens he did because he had opened his statement with “This is my first self-ejaculation” Damn you, spell-checker!!

  27. Oh for chrissakes, I really wish people would NOT use big words if they can’t use them properly.

    On the other hand, I think you would rock at a bludgeoning career. Hell, you have Copernicus and Beyonce as assistants. And James Garfield as press manager.

  28. I’m going to trust that they knew what they were talking about. They are a PR firm after all. They are clearly just saying that they can make you look good as you excel in your bludgeoning career.

    PR can do wonderful things with any train-wreck, illegal, violent or self-deprecating careers. Just look at what PR firms have done for Paris Hil…wait maybe Britney…um, no…LiLo (is that what they call her now?)…ah hell, public relations has gone down the crapper.

  29. Shh!!! You are going to get me in trouble! I am supposed to be watching football with the husband and I just snorted!

  30. It’s best to invest in a meat tenderizer for your purse if you’re going to be embarking on a bludgeoning career. I hear they make handy melee weapons.

  31. whatever.

    all i know is that you were gone for, like, EVER and i’m glad you’re back.

    shit was getting boring, yo.

    xo
    kim

  32. Very clever PR folks, very clever. Clearly they are not aware you are stellar in the field of stabbing. Much more delicate, requiring more finesse and much closer range than bludgeoning.

    My spell check disaster occured on my final capstone college paper. My word processor changed Pushkin to Pushpin. Not a big deal, not like I was a freaking Russian major and the entire paper was on Pushkin’s symbology. Prof totally noticed. Might explain why I don’t work in my major or the whole collapse of the Soviet Union thing, but whatever.

  33. An assistant principal once described a drama teacher’s plan for a musical as a “nefarious” plan. At the time we thought he might have meant nebulous…Maybe not.

  34. I am sad. My hubby doesn’t seem to think that I should have your blog as our homepage on the family computer… I think he’s wrong. Perhaps I should bludgeon him.

  35. They haven’t responded because they are still trying to figure out who will handle the reply now that they have fired the ass that sent that letter. For what it’s worth, I love your bludgeoning.

  36. Too funny…maybe someone didn’t like your blog and that’s what they meant? Or maybe Victor wrote them because you’re always picking on him…lol Or maybe Victor wrote the letter himself…hmmmm…maybe the bananas wrote it…sorry, it’s very early and only 1/2 cup java in so far….

  37. Have you considered a name change, to “Jenny the Bludgeoness” maybe?

    If not, there’s no need to beat yourself up about it or anything 😉

    ~EdT.

  38. Bravo on the bludgeoning. Maybe they meant congratulations on your bloody good career? Ha.

    Julie
    ilikebeerandbabies.com

  39. I’m just trying to imagine the letters they’re receiving back from bloggers who also bludgeon people to death… Methinks they’ve just wandered down a new career path by accident. If I’m honest I really don’t think they’ll be able to get back either. It’s like a mafia style rabbit hole…

    …So I’m told.

  40. That’s awesome. I’m sure I’ve bludgeoned enough people to receive a congratulatory letter… Alas, it hasn’t arrived yet.

  41. Stabby. The total opposite of bludgeoning…so they understand the violent nature of your blog, but not the method of delivery of your righteous anger. That’s a small point.

  42. I think you may have just read the letter incorrectly… Maybe it was more of an offer than a recognition of your past achievements. Ya know, kind of like “Congratulations! You’ve just won a new car!” except that in this case it was “Congratulations! You’ve been selected to fill our opening for a professional bludgeoner!” And really, I think you should take them up on it… This company clearly supports and encourages physical violence, which is something we can all get behind.

  43. This just underscores the importance of attention to detail: in the midst of your righteous indignation at the idiotic Got Milk campaign you may have threatened to gut Victor with a broken lamp, but you did not mention beating him repeatedly with it. And we’ve established that Beyonce is sharp edged, so even if you pushed her over on him, it would be more in the family of a stabbing than a bludgeoning.

  44. Oh dear God. I always wonder why/how companies don’t spend an extra couple bucks for a proofreader before sending out mass mailings. Tacky, tacky, tacky. BUT fodder for a hilarious blog post! :o)

  45. Maybe Copernicus and the bananas have teamed up and the email is actually from them hoping you WILL start a bludgeoning career.

  46. Of all of the PR letters you’ve mentioned here, this is my absolute favorite. Hands fucking down.

    As a side not, I think I would be really good at a bludgeoning career. Perhaps you could forward them my info.

  47. You can do that for a living? :0o Sign me up!! :0D

    Oh wait… wouldn’t that make you a dominatrix? Or rather, a bludgeonatrix?

    Jenny the Bludgeonatrix.
    Has a nice ring to it. ;0)

  48. Jen…

    I see what you did there. your reply was:

    That’s very kind of you, but honestly I haven’t bludgeoned anyone publicly in years. And I was certainly never so adept at it that I would have considered it “a career”. I do appreciate the recognition though.

    Now will you come clean about your PRIVATE bludgeoning career?

  49. I was in the design/advertising business for 15 years, and you ALWAYS have someone else read your work before the client/prospect sees it! This definitely a *bang head on desk* moment.

    I think the only other “typo” I’ve seen this bad was when I worked for a sign shop and one of the guys had to install 8-foot letters along the roof-line that said “RIVERHOUSE”. We got a call about a week later and had to go back and fix it because the dumb-ass had installed the letters to read “RIVERHUOSE”!

  50. WOW.
    Clearly unpaid, over-privaledged, moronic college interns are becoming the Norm. – And good luck on your Bludgeoning Career! Remember, even if you’re on Vaca or if you’re on a break – keep up your good work of Bludgeoning. At the very least you’ll have something to Blog about upon your return.
    *not only did this make me cringe… my shoulders and back spasmed in light of obvious english grammatical errors, as well as in irony regarding congress, immigration issues, et al.

    PS – I really like your Blog.

  51. You paid more attention to that pitch than you would have if they used the correct word. The luck of idiots…

    🙂

  52. Well, I would be in high dudgeon over this, I can tell you that! Oh just try and Google dudgeon, then insist that you do not mean dungeon. I feel my language slipping away…

  53. but I’ll bet you’ve considered it…right? I’m sure someone in that particular PR office is considering it right now. Fabulous!

  54. Maybe they got an auto correct. My iphone does it to me sometimes. However, doesn’t someone proofread it first before it’s been mailed to you?

  55. OK – so in the case of my blog… I’d have to say bludgeoning might be accurate… sometimes you just have to hit people over the head with stuff… I’d say I try to be as blunt with the facts as I can, so perhaps ‘blunt force trauma’ is the right phrase…. 😀 Thanks for the smile!

  56. This is the thousandth comment so you probably wont even see it, but I haven’t been visiting my favorite blogs in months. And man, what a disappointment with some of them- lots have lost their edginess and sense of humor. Not you! Kudos, so glad you’re still here (even tho you’re in Alaska).

  57. > Which is kind of hysterical.

    I’m going to assume you mean “hilarious”. “Hysterical” is a condition of a person, not of an event, and it’s generally a bad thing, except when combined with “paroxysm”.

  58. I used to work in a PR agency, and this makes me cringe!!! I finally got out of that biz when I was finally fed up with having to make media follow-up calls for grocery store grand openings. It wasn’t until one day I got to call editors about a food-borne illness outbreak that I realized how sick and wrong the whole job was for me. It felt so bad that my best day professionally was one where lots of people got sick. Anyway, now I sell tampons… but I really try to be a human being about it, and *not* a checklister!

  59. Here I have been trying to NOT beat anyone to death while pregnant and NOW you tell me that I could have had a career in bludgeoning? Shit.

  60. OMG. I have tears rolling down my cheeks. And, my husband, who is not a word person/lawyer like I am keeps asking why I am laughing so hard. Only, he doesn’t get it when I try to explain. Maybe because I am laughing so hard I don’t really make any sense? Or maybe because he really doesn’t know what EITHER of those words mean?! LOL
    Thanks for the entry!

  61. I’m a little sad that I never received an email on my bludgeoning career. And then I remember, Whew! That means no one’s caught me yet.

  62. People who don’t know how to properly punctuate a sentence (get an AP stylebook, please, if you’re going to write about communications) should not criticize the writing of other people.

  63. Classic. It felt so bad that my best day professionally was one where lots of people got sick. My husband had to ask me what was so “snort-worthy”. On the other hand, I think you would rock at a bludgeoning career.

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