It’s been a very long two weeks. Get prepared.

I’ve been traveling a lot for the last two weeks and so I’m tempted to do what I usually do and just forget to post any of it, but instead I’m going to hit the major points of the last few weeks as copied directly from my journals, twitter and shit I wrote on the back of napkins.  It’s going to be confusing as hell and you can totally skip it.

Where I’ve been the last few weeks, part 1:  THE NATHAN FILLION SAGA

Remember six months ago when I asked everyone on twitter to send me 11 cents and I ended up with $402, which I was going to use to buy a taxidermied pig dressed as Scarlett O’Hara?  Me either.  But it happened.  Then the pig deal went pear-shaped, so instead I decided to offer the money to Nathan Fillion for a picture of himself holding twine, because I thought it would go well with the picture Wil Wheaton sent me of himself collating paper.  Nathan Fillion ignored numerous requests, so instead I did the next logical thing and used the money to take a Cuban, amputee alligator named Jean-Pierre (who was dressed as a pirate) on a plane trip.

Still, the people demanded photos of Nathan Fillion holding twine and still, Nathan Fillion tossed his manly hair and ignored us in the most handsomely rugged way he possibly could.  Yes, it was disappointing for all of us, but the masses came to the rescue and sent me tens of pictures of Nathan Fillion holding twine.  They were all were photoshopped.  This one was my favorite.

trashtwine

This one was nice too:

fillion with twine
But even now, half a year later, people still ask me “Did Nathan Fillion ever send you a picture of himself holding twine?” and I answer (with a touch of melancholy and stoic braveness), “No.  But I still have hope.”

So that’s why (when I went to California two weeks ago to visit my sister) I decided to once again extend an olive branch to Nathan Fillion the only way I knew how…by annoyingly harrassing him on twitter.

A series of one-sided tweets I sent to Nathan Fillion over a 12 hour period:

@nathanfillion ~ I just realized that we’re BOTH in California today. How many other people can say that? It’s probably a sign we should meet.”

@nathanfillion – I can come to you. Or we can meet at Shakey’s. I’m totally craving pizza. I’ll bring the twine.”

@nathanfillion : I am totally not dangerous. Just ask half of my 140k followers. (The other half are liars.)”

@nathanfillion – I just realized that I wasn’t even following you. WTF, me? No wonder you haven’t dmed me. I look like an idiot.”

@nathanfillion – I cannot find any twine in Hollywood. It’s no wonder you’ve had such a hard time. I apologize. Let’s switch to dental floss.”

@nathanfillion – I’ll be at Shakey’s Pizza in about 30 mins. If I don’t hear from you I’ll assume you’re on your way.”

@nathanfillion – Great! I’ll see you there. First round’s on me.”

“Surprising all nay-Sayers, @nathanfillion came to Shakeys. He was disguised as an elderly Asian woman & refused to break character.”

“Say what you want about @nathanfillion, but the man knows how to commit to a role.”

*****

PS. My sister and I tried to convince Shakey’s to change the sign outside to say “WELCOME, NATHAN FILLION” but it already said “Happy 6th birthday, Kevin” and they said they didn’t want to change it because they suspected that Nathan Fillion wasn’t really coming to meet me there.  Apparently Nathan Fillion has gained quite a reputation around town.

I’m happy to say though that that reputation was unfounded:

Me and Nathan Fillion in Hollywood.

PPS.  That’s not a real picture of me and Nathan Fillion in Hollywood.  I apologize.  It’s one of those pictures you get on Hollywood Boulevard where some guy in a street kiosk digitally makes you look like you’re standing next to someone famous for $15.  I asked for Nathan Fillion and the vender was like “Who?  I have no idea who that is.”  The girl behind me asked for “Little Weezy” and vender guy was all “Him again?  Everyone wants their picture taken with this Weezy!”  Then I was like, “Isn’t she dead?” and the girl screamed “LITTLE WAYNE DIED?” and I was like “Oh, no.  I thought you were talking about the lady from The Jeffersons.  Little Wayne is fine.”  It was an emotional day for everyone concerned.

PPS.  I still believe in you, Nathan Fillion.

 

230 thoughts on “It’s been a very long two weeks. Get prepared.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Nathan Fillion is amazing. I remember following this on twitter and was so excited for you. We should start another online campaign.

  2. Why can’t Wil Wheaton talk to Nathan Fillion for you? Aren’t all these celebrities best friends? If they’re not I don’t understand a thing about celebrities. And I’m sure THAT can’t be true.

  3. I’m about to go to my grandfather’s funeral and I needed a laugh to keep me going. Thank you for always turning my day around!
    Nathan
    @protognosis

  4. I don’t know who the hell this Nathan Fillion character is, but he is wrong to snub you. Obviously he has a much smaller something than Wil Wheaton. I am not able to specify what in the context of this polite blog.

  5. I found your blog through a friend of a friend and so on. I have 4 kids and sometimes need a good laugh that doesn’t involve laughing at them and hurting their feelings. That’s when I read your blog. Thanks!

  6. My guess is he knows he’d never be able to top the photo-shopped pictures of him with twine, and since he’s such a sensitive soul, he’s embarrassed. Maybe if you changed your request to a picture of him frying an egg? I’ve heard Nathan Fillion fries a mean egg.

  7. I’m boycotting “Castle” until you get your picture of Nathan Fillion holding twine. Which kinda sucks for me, because I actually *like* the show. Get it together, Nathan!

  8. I think your next vision quest should be a visit from that other Beyonce for a photoshoot with you and the real Beyonce. Now that would be something worth preserving, dontcha think?

  9. I love how delusional you are. I am surprised that you don’t have more cats and that we don’t spend nights watching Absolutely Fabulous reruns together and drinking wine straight from the box.

    Julie
    ilikebeerandbabies.com

  10. Clearly whatever Twitter app Nathan Fillion is using isn’t working properly & not showing him your tweets. It’s the only logical explanation. He’s going to feel so silly when he finally sees them.

  11. Apparently, Nathan is not only beautiful and a geek god, he’s also oblivious. I know, he’s friends with Alan Tudyk. If Wil can’t help, maybe Alan can? Or maybe Alan can do a twine picture for you.

  12. I’d have laughed so hard if some kid really did want a picture of herself with Wheezy Jefferson. I’d then make that kid my best friend for life. Not in a creepy way, though.

  13. One day Nathan Fillion will have to reply. He can’t ignore you forever… At least not without a restraining order anyway.

  14. i love nathan fillion! i can’t believe he won’t play with us…i’ve had the best time following this on twitter!

  15. I don’t mean to make you jealous (which means I totally do) but I have a real life picture with Nathan Fillion. I’m in that shit and everything and I didn’t have to pay anyone $15 though I probably would have had to buy the twine but I can’t imagine twine costing $15 unless the person selling it had some kind of emotional attachment to it, but then again, who gets attached to twine? That’s just silly. That said, there is no twine in the picture of me and Nathan or Nathan and I. I minored in Lit, you’d think I’d have figured out the me/I debate by now, I must have been drunk that day. Anyhow, my picture is from several years ago and I had no idea back then that you needed a picture of Nathan holding twine so you should really stop beating me up about that…geez! Get a grip woman!

  16. Are you absolutely sure that’s not an image from a street kiosk that digitally made it look like Nathan Fillion is standing next to YOU (and not the other way around)? I’m now thinking he owes you $15

  17. I stalked stalking Cher on twitter awhile back…..to which she responded by tweeting after midnight when i was sleeping…..I know this was payback for me harassing her. So now I have an on going tweet war with Cher to see who can keep the other one awake longer…..Well in my head thats what happening.

  18. It’s all about connections, so here’s what you need to do. Get Wil Wheaton to talk to Felicia Day about connecting you with Nathan Fillion. I know it can happen, I’ve seen the actual, unphotoshopped pic of the three of them together: http://tinyurl.com/3hb8w2g

    Hopefully Nathan will get with the program soon.

  19. I believe in him too! Don’t worry, you’ll probably randomly bump in to him someday completely unexpected..and he’ll say something random like “excuse me” and it will unravel some mystery in your life 😉 and you’ll probably just happen to have twine..or a shoe lace;) it could happen

    PS. He’s dreamy

  20. It’s obvious to me that this is a lengthy Cat & Mouse game Nathan Fillion is playing with you.

    You being the mouse, of course, taunting him with your sassy whiskers. Him being the cat, slyly ignoring you until one day, he’ll pounce and bite your head off, but in a nice way.

  21. Don’t be mad but I met Nathan and he was awesomer than words could say. He signed my walking cane without me even asking. If I can ever find it again I could send you a pic of that. It’s not twine but it is blue and metal and quite ruggedly handsome. I’ll be waiting for your response.

  22. Trying to come up with ONE downside for Nathan meeting you somewhere. Or even one downside of him sending the pic with twine. Perhaps a very large metal chicken could just show up in his yard to express how serious you (and the rest of us) are about this.
    I think this would NOT be considered any kind of form of harassment and you would totally not do any jail time.

  23. I’m not gay, which is highly appreciated by my wife, even though it would mean I’d let her buy a better wardrobe. That being said, Nathan Fillion makes me swoon.

  24. Maybe Nathan doesn’t know how to see other people’s tweets! :O This could explain so much! (Because he obviously would never intentionally ignore you! I mean, hello, does he want this to turn into another William Shatner thing? No!) So yes, he must not know how to use twitter correctly. Maybe Wil Wheaton will be kind enough to give Mr Fillion lessons!

  25. I am going to boycott Castle as well, except I already boycott Castle since I never watch TV. Except when I’m around my mother. And she loves Castle. And she pouts when I don’t watch TV with her. So I hope Nathan produces that damn picture of him with twine, or else the next time I’m around my mother, there’s going to be a HUGE mother-daughter blowup. And Nathan, honey, you really don’t want THAT on your hands. . .

  26. Maybe if you harass other celebrities to take their photos doing other things – Ashton Kutcher windexing the bathroom mirror, Oprah filling the car with gas, Alyssa Milano eating a poptart (to name a few examples … (also did I spell Alyssa Milano right? Looks wrong but I don’t really feel like checking ;)) and then SHAME Nathan by showing how everyone else is willing to have fun and be cool except him. Whadya think?

  27. You know Alan Tudyk is from Texas. I think you should use your Texas connection and winning personality to get him to do your bidding and score a picture of Nathan Fillion with twine.

  28. Just thinking of all the pornographic things that could be done with Nathan Fillion and twine makes me all tingly.

  29. I loved The Jeffersons.

    Nathan will come through. Give him time. Send him a link to your giant metal chicken post…? If he doesn’t love you after that, then he is a robot.

  30. So, I follow both will wheaton n Nathan n then I saw there pic together at comicon! Yes, Alice they Are.best friends. Harassed them both on Twitter to send the twine pic, already! Guess it’d time for online movement/ revolution

  31. You give me such bravery to continue being an outlandish dork, Jenny. My boyfriend is having seizures from rolling his eyes so much. His prob; not mine. Mwah!

  32. Not only did I piss myself laughing…..but, you TOTALLY had me yelling, “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” at the pic of you and Nathan. I must have SUCKER tatt’ed somewhere on my body. I’ll also look for a bullseye target.

    I say, KEEP THE FAITH!! And…..next time you come to California, you REALLY should let me know. I’ve got a few people you could “rub elbows with”…. 😉

    I’ll ring Quincy and see what he’s up to….

  33. I was one of what I assume were many people who asked you about Nathan Fillion in your private bathroom at BlogHer, and I could see the hurt in your eyes that he still hasn’t responded. How could he hurt you like this? How? I may have to rethink my crush on Captain Mal Reynolds.

  34. I’m sitting here just wondering which category of half of your 140k followers I’m in. MOTHERFUCKER. This is going to take up the rest of my night, I just know it.

  35. I totally geek out for Nathan Fillion, but this whole saga has me emotionally confused. Do I still love him? Who wouldn’t respond to The Bloggess and her simple requests? Why is he still so handsome? Should I settle for photoshopped pictures and move on with my life?
    I’m going to have to sleep on this one.

  36. I’m surprised Nathan hasn’t sent you a picture with twine. Really if I had had to bet who would send a pic first Nathan Fillion with twine or Wil Wheaton collating papers, I would have put money on Nathan. After all collating papers is dull and I would understand hesitation on Wil’s part. Maybe there’s a twine shortage in CA. If that’s what’s stopping him I’ll gladly send some twine to him on your behalf. Maybe we should find an address for his fan mail or something and everyone send him a ball of twine. Which would hopefully cause his publicist to google twine and Nathan leading them here and garnering myriad photos of Nathan with twine including a few much like the photoshopped first picture.

  37. I am SO on board with the online campaign. I already follow Nathan Fillion. On Twitter. Not like physically. I save up all my in person following (it’s not stalking!!) for Colin Firth….

  38. Perhaps Nathan is worried about the damage holding twine would do to his manly street cred. Perhaps if, instead, you asked him to hold a large rock? Not only would it show his man muscles, but get one more celebrity to hold some scissors and you have yourself a game night.

  39. I was totally excited when I saw the picture of the two of you. But I still believe in him. Also, is it bad that I’m 26 and had no idea that wheezy is Lil Wayne?

  40. Pretty sure Wil Wheaton hung out with Nathan F at ComicCon… I bet he could (and would) set you up! Though it might be more fun for us all if you simply continue to harrass him on Twitter.

  41. I wonder if he’s trying to keep his identity private or something. You should ask him to meet you as Captain Hammer. And tell him to bring the hammer.

    … the hammer is his penis.

  42. I totally also have a picture of Nathan Fillion and me, he guested at Largo for the Thrilling Adventure Hour (which he is known to show up at – Google it people), and met fans afterwards. Totally class act, and (if you can believe it) even more ruggedly handsome in person. Plus, I’ve been swooning over him since his “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place” days, so there! Oh Mighty Bloggess, I hereby should I run into Nathan again, I shall bring a ball of twine. Even if you are not in the picture, you will still have a photo of him with the twine. After all, your picture of Wil collating does not include you. Although he DID send it himself which makes it more special of course!

  43. You know I bet if you asked nicely you could get a picture of Felicia Day holding a plunger.

  44. Reverse psychology time.

    I know that if there is one thing the Bloggess does NOT want, it is a picture of Nathan Fillion, whoever he is, holding twine. It is said that if the Bloggess were to receive such a picture, all hell would proceed to break loose up in here.

    Under no circumstances should Nathan Fillion consider himself welcome to send the Bloggess such a photo.

    (that should do it.)

  45. have we considered the very real possibility that he’s got a debilitating twine allergy and or phobia? It may seem far-fetched, but like Fox Mulder before me – I WANT TO BELIEVE (twine edition.)

  46. You need to send him that picture, jenny. Maybe on Twitter. Tell him you got crabs and you need him to pay for the doctor and Rx because, well, he DID give them to you.

    That SHOULD get his attention.

    Or say you’re preggers with his love child and if he doesn’t send you a nekkid picture of him holding twine, you’ll go to TMZ and The National Enquirer and expose him. Besides, you’ll need the money they pay you to take care of Nathan Fillion’s love child he so crudely discarded.

    Now THAT, my friend, is a sure fire way to get him to respond.

  47. Sex. Sex sells, Jenny. This is how you can buy Nathan.

    As I’m a huge fan of yours, I’ll gladly offer myself to Nathan on your behalf – provided he brings the twine.

  48. I’m so on board with the idea of sending Nathan Fillion twine….it’ll be like when Firefly was being cancelled and we sent in chopsticks! Only with hopefully better results!

  49. I get those Weezys confused all the time. Then I go watch reruns of the Jeffersons and I’m all: “Where the fuck is Weezy’s grill?”

  50. I really hope Nathan Fillion comes through for you eventually. Otherwise I’ll think less of “Firefly” and a part of me will die inside.

  51. I should have known better, because i read your blog all the time, that this was going to end with you not getting to meet Nathan Fillion of get a picture of him holding twine, but i still continued to have hope that maybe this would end happily. Guess this inadvertently proves how awesome Will Wheaton is……

  52. Totally should have tweeted all that to NPH….he’d have got Nathan Fillion to do it since they are co-stars back from their “Dr. Horrible” days! Either that or NPH would have sent you a pic of himself with twine, because he is totally awesome like that…

  53. OH JENNY. My day has been sucktastic and you just made it better. Thanks to you and Nathan, I can go into the next meeting and not kill anybody. You rock.

  54. @Shari- I’ve got tickets to the TAH show with Nathan on Sept. 10. I plan on following Jenny’s advice on how to be furiously happy, and I will bring twine and ask Nathan to take a pic with it. I was gonna do it before, but I totally chickened out.

  55. Jenny,

    I’m so sorry you’re been in pain. I mean for reaLz with RA and now this Nathan business is bullsballs. Doesn’t he know who you ARE??

    I just read there was once a drunken squirrel pianist that was up for grabs and I’m sick that you didn’t get it. But sicker that he’s not mine.

  56. –>Look out Waldo, now it’s going to be “Where’s Nathan Fillion?”
    (I still don’t know who he is either. Hell, *I* may be Nathan Fillion for all I know. He should send a picture of him holding twine AND his bio. The people want to know.)

  57. I don’t trust OR like anyone who ignores you.
    He could tweet “fuck off crazy lady” and that’s at least a response, therefore I’d like him.
    But alas, I don’t like him.

  58. I am SO glad he didn’t meet you at Shakey’s. He’s delectable and I would hate it if you were to get to him before me cuz you’re way cuter than I am. When he does finally meet up with you (which, of course, he will…eventually…you’ll see to it…), please save the tender bits for me.

  59. I thought the pirates name was Jean Louis?

    (I still call him Jean-Louis but this week he’s going by Jean-Pierre. Last week he was Jean-Nate. I think alligator dementia might be setting in. ~ Jenny)

  60. I just tweeted @wilw that he totally needs to hook you up with @NathanFillion. I’m sure it will happen now.

  61. To be fair. Nathan probably gets a LOT of online requests for pictures of him holding various objects. If he took time out of his busy schedule for every request of him with twine, pillows, dictionaries, stuffed polar bears, oil paintings… etc., he wouldn’t have any time to do cool shit and continue being famous.

    THEN THE VALUE OF THE PICTURES WOULD PLUMMET AND THE WHOLE THING WOULD BE A MOOT POINT.

    You’re welcome for that lesson in economics, by the way. Free, just for you.

  62. Now I’m going back to the photoshop guy, and I’m getting my picture taking with Weezy Jefferson, because that’s the right thing to do. Also, I think it is ridiculous that you didn’t scan the full photo, and cut off all the work that the photoshop guy did to make you svelte. You can’t even see the disappearing ink stains. Gah.

  63. I fell upon your blog a few months back and my immediate thought, after reading every single post, was that somehow my mother had given birth to another daughter and misplaced her at the county fair. I am completely in *heart* with your sense of humor. And, as a proudly mentally ill person, I love how you pass it off as a asset rather than some sort of disability. Let’s face it.. mentally ill is the new normal. Rock on, sister.

  64. Thank you for this. Thank you. I was fretting about work stuff, and then I realized that as long as you still have hope, I should have hope!

  65. 1) Have Wil Wheaton contact Nathan Fillion about the twine
    2)The singer Beyonce needs her picture taken with the chicken Beyonce…bonus points if she (the singer not the chicken) wears a “Knock Knock Motherfucker” t-shirt.

  66. Oh dear God. Did I say that last time I commented? Oh dear God is all I can come up with over the snort laughter. I am SO in love with the first photo. I may print it out to life size and hang it over my bed. You are amazing. And I totally mean that in a non-gay way. lol

  67. Thank you! Your quick wit and wicked sense of humor and common love of the obscure (ie. Nathan Fillion) are highlights of my day!

  68. Doesn’t he know that Will Wheaton is way cooler than he is and he should therefore follow suit? Dumb. Come on, Nate! Get your twine together!

  69. Seriously, I think that we all should send Nathan Fillion a ball (or skein) of twine and a disposable camera. Along with your blog address and twitter name. If everyone who reads your blog did that, I’m pretty sure he would get the hint. I’ll see if I can find an address for his agent or something.

  70. By the way, did I miss pictures of Jean-whoever in his full pirate regalia, or have you never posted any? I really want to see how the hook-hand looks on him.

  71. C’mon, you are just messing with us, because I can tell the life sized cut-out is of YOU, and it is Nathan Fillion standing there getting a fake photo with you. (And now he wants one of you wearing nothing but twine!)

  72. I think the thing that’s been holding you back is asking for twine. I mean, besides old guys in hardware stores, does anyone even know where to get twine?

    I’d go with the dental floss, because that shit’s everywhere. They’re giving it away at the dentist’s office.

    Hey! Have Nathan Fillion meet you at the dentist’s office and then you don’t even need to make a special trip to get dental floss.

    Problem solved, America.

  73. Okay, so here’s the my idea…. Talk to Will Wheaton and have him talk to Felicia Day who can talk to Neil Patrick Harris who can talk to Joss Whedon. Then they can all talk to Nathan Fillion and do a big, sexy, group shot with twine! It’ll be the sexiest, nerdtastic twine picture ever!

  74. OMGWTFBBQ! you are a frigging riot and possibly an utter nutter! I ? you (which is so much better than <3'ing you – for real)

    Holy crap, I think I've been reading your blog too much… WTF am I saying?!? that's sacrilege!

  75. My husband and I met Nathan Fillion at the Minneapolis airport on our way to visit family with our then newborn. While we were happy to introduce ourselves, compliment his work on Firefly, and let him coo over our daughter, we completely forgot to ask for an autograph. So my husband made it his mission to get that rectified. He launched a 4 year campaign to get Nathan to send us an autograph for our daughter. He followed him on Twitter – joined his MySpace page. Then he came up with an idea of taking a pathetic picture of our daughter – looking all sad that Nathan wouldn’t send her his autograph. And he mailed a bunch of them to different people that he thought were associated with him – his show, agencies, etc. So about 4 months ago – a big envelope showed up with Nathan’s picture and what we assume to be a hand written note from him to our daughter – saying what a pleasure it was to meet her. Success! My husband will not let me forget it. Don’t give up!

  76. I find your dedication to twine and photographic evidence of Nathan Fillion’s relationship with said twine to be endearing and impressive. Surely something will come of it soon.

  77. Hmm… I’ll be sure to mention it to Wil Wheaton at Dragon*Con in Atlanta in a few weeks.

    Girl, if Nathan were there this year, I would totally get that twine pic for you!

  78. I’m sorry Nathan, but I had no idea who you were. Until I saw your picture (nice ass tattoo) and realized you’re the guy from both Castle and Waitress, which made me realize that I’m pretty sure I had your baby. It’s in college now and doing fine.

  79. I am shocked – SHOCKED – to hear Nathan Fillion would refuse such an inocuous request. He’s practically dead to me now. Do you know who would NEVER do such a thing? Jason Momoa, that’s who. I’m pretty sure.

  80. Hi Jenny,
    I totally wish, I was not a recent follower because I can take stalking, I mean following to a whole new level! I have a thing for the Foo Fighters, mostly with Dave Grohl/Taylor Hawkins. The last time I was in California, I found out Dave’s next door neighbor house was for sale, and asked for a showing, just to see if I could perhaps run into him:-) It did not go exactly as planned and his neighbors home completely needed to be reconstructed and The Otherhalf was not to happy with the pictures I was taking, nor more thrilled when I decided to low-bid on the property, but oh well, it was fun and I didn’t go to jail—thank goodness. But if you want to find out more about Nathan I have a very good connection or two in Cali.

  81. Nathan Fillion is pretty dreamy… I’m so torn. I want to protest, but I love him so much…

    Also, way to strike fear in to the fans of Weezy. That’s a real concern for members of the rap community and it’s not something to make light of.

  82. I’m so sorry to the people who don’t know who Nathan Fillion is. I’m also sorry that he still hasn’t returned your simple request. Please do keep us posted on any new developments.

  83. First of all, I am joining the boycott of Castle until such time that Mr. Fillion decides to see reason and pick up that twine!! Once he plays ball, I’ll tune in to his show. As soon as someone tells me when and what network it’s on. And if it’s NOT interferring with something I already have scheduled on my DVR (like one of the Real Housewives shows or something) then I will TOTALLY tune in. But only if he gives us the goods!!!

    Secondly, the first thing I would have thought of was Weezy on the Jeffersons too! Who calls themselves Little Weezy? Does he have asthma?

  84. LOL you are the highlight of my day. my best friend showed me your blog and i’ve become obsessed!! i literally spent two hours just reading old posts and cracking up. i’m guessing you live in houston? me too!! let’s be friends.

  85. My husband says you should stalk the guy from Office Space, Milton. A red stapler photo would be nice.

  86. Jenny, I went to university with nathan fillion. He wouldn’t remember me now, but we did share a class, and even a seat once. and one time, he saved me at a concert from my pelvis being crushed as four thousand people rushed the stage. and yah, his hair was fabulous, even in the nineties. here’s your problem- canadians are allergic to twine. maybe a spool of yarn?
    wish i could help you out, man.

  87. Now, if you could get Wil Wheaton and Nathan Fillion in the same picture, doing their tasks, the world might combust with awesome.

  88. I already adored you from the giant metal chicken and some other passing Whedon references. Now I adore you even more.

  89. I’ll forgive Nathan Fillion if, IF, he’s finding those funds to buy the rights to Firefly and, of course, make it fly again! In the meantime, keep showing him the twitter love, offer options…a pack of embroidery floss, a shoelace, an extension cord…I’d say some locks of his hair, but no, we want him to keep that right where it is. I’m sure something inspirational will come to me in my dreams! ;>

  90. I’m not a regular follower of your blog, in fact I only just saw this. But you talk my language 🙂 Nathan Fillion. Keep at it! I send Firefly vibes to you.

  91. You know what your probelm is?
    Six degrees of Kevin Bacon
    Degree 1: Nathan Fillian – had a cameo as a space pirate on Star Trek next Gen (I totally saw him late at night while flipping channels)
    Degree 2:Jean Luc Picard – aka Patrick Stewart (the voice of shaggability) was capitan on that episode
    Degree 3 through 5: Other people I can’t be botherred figuring out
    Degree 6: WILLIAM SHATNER!!!!!!!!
    He is totally blocking your access – and all just for spite!

  92. I dropped my cuppa when you said Little Wayne was dead. I mean, who would play Mini-Me in the next Austin Powers movie? And note: Austin would be happy to give you all the shagadelic twine you could ever want, baby. Can you say that about Nathan?

  93. See, this is why all these Hollywood types have so many stalkers. Maybe if they would ANSWER for a change, people would leave them alone. Instead they wait until we’re all PISSED off, and now we know we don’t just deserve a picture with a bunch of twine, we deserve a lock of hair, or a piece of skin.

  94. Doesn’t he realise that there are people in this world who have never heard of him? You can help him to reach a wider audience.
    (How do you get 143 comments in 2 minutes according to blogspot?)

    Looking for new blogs to read? ExposeYourBlog!

  95. Well, maybe he didn’t meet you because he doesn’t like pizza. Or even better, maybe he’s lactose intolerant, so he CAN’T eat pizza, and that makes him sad. Did you ever think of that? Maybe he was like, “damn, I have this ball of twine all ready to go and want to go, but why does it have to be a pizza place?” So maybe next time you are out there you can suggest meeting for coffee instead. Just a thought.

    And I’m with the above poster . . . . Neil Patrick Harris with a Blender. Yummy!

    Oh, and here is the address info for him for the onslaught of twine and picture requests . . . GO:

    United Talent Agency
    (Talent Agency)
    9560 Wilshire Blvd.
    Suite 500
    Beverly Hills, CA 90212-2401
    USA
    Phone: (310) 273-6700

    (This was also on the website as instructions. Note the 3+ MONTHS WAIT! Maybe that was the problem, you just didn’t wait at Sharkey’s long enough . . .)

    How to send your fan mail and autograph requests to Nathan Fillion?:
    If you want to request an autograph, follow the guidelines bellow. If you just want to mail a letter with the address above, and do not want anything back, then you can stop reading! If you live in USA send a properly stamped and self addressed envelope (minimum size 8.5″ x 4″) with your request letter and a photo. You can include a piece of cardboard to keep the photo from bending in shipping and also add “Do Not Bend” on the envelopes. Send your letter and wait. On average, there is going to be a 3+ month wait for a response.

  96. This is my first trip to bloggessverse, and I have mixed feelings. Sure I laughed my ass off, but thanks to the bloggess, I now have puffy eyes. People will think I have been crying. That’s the last thing a woman needs is for her male (and female) colleagues to think she’s weak. Some will just assume “period”, while others will mistake my tears for the stress of having a new dog (and they wouldn’t be too far off) BUT alas, how do I explain that it wasn’t tears of the hormone pin ball game going on in my body, nor the shedding and frequent “accidents” of my new pooch [tawdry], but rather a photo of Nathan Fillion and his jock strap o’twine. or Nathan holding the “Christ-child of twine”, all framed with the glorious, hilarious prose of one BLOGGESS.
    I heart you, Bloggess.
    Rena

  97. Thanks Misty for the address! I am totally going to send some twine!

    But shouldn’t we include some sort of letter with this.

    Perhaps:

    Dear Mr. Fillion: (thought Dear Nathan was a bit too personal)

    Enclosed please find a (roll, length, skeen???) of twine. It would be greatly appreciated if you would pose for a picture with this and immediately forward said picture to Jenny at TheBloggress.com. She rocks! Really. Hilarious. Go read her stuff.

    She already has a picture of Wil Wheaton collating papers. Do you really want to be out cooled by Wil Wheaton? Really?

    Thanks in advance,
    Beyonce

    So how much does it cost to mail twine? I don’t want to have it returned for insufficient postage.

  98. I’m pretty sure Nathan totally DOESN’T have grounds to charge you with stalking. Still, you probably want to lay low for a few days. By the way, would it be weird to fashion up a taxidermied Nathan Fillion? Yeah, that’s probably going too far.

  99. You know what would be awesome? One of those cartoon character drawings of you and Nathan! True Story- once I was visiting Dallas with a group of college friends and we passed a street artist was set up offering to draw “your girlfriends ass”. He had two prices $6 – normal $7- pear shaped. My boyfriend’s buddy thought he was being subtle when he handed my boyfriend the extra dollar. But I saw the whole thing. Scarred for life.

    Moral? Don’t get your cartoon ass drawn, but if you have to, make it Nathan’s.

  100. I don’t much care for the implication that there are pear shaped asses, and “normal” asses. My ass is perfectly ass-shaped but there is nothing normal about it. It is very, very alien.

  101. I am cracking the hell up because I just posted a rant today on my facebook page about wheezy’s song ‘how to love’ and how he says he can tell by the way i walk that I’ve never had love.. FUCK HIM. Just because I am awkward and clumsy and waddle sometimes does not mean I’ve never had love! And even if I never did have love, I wouldn’t want it from his short ass. And that is saying a lot because I am 5’1 and a half.

  102. Sounds like The Shat totally shat on your plans. better start tweeting him again…
    (actually, i just want to see that play out again!)

  103. I actually did meet Nathan Fillion while on vacation this year. It’s a slightly long and embarrassing story , but suffice to say I was fairly drunk on pina coladas when I accosted him and his date at a romantic little bistro. I geeked out over him for a minute, then made a quick exit before he could call security. But I have to say that he and his date were very gracious. Had the whole encounter been better planned (or planned even in the slightest), I totally would have brought twine.

  104. Maybe you should send Nathan a ball of twine, since it’s clearly difficult to find in CA? Perhaps you could include a disposable digital camera and a self-addressed, stamped return envelope so that all he has to do is snap the photo and drop it in a mailbox….

  105. I am so going to become Nathan’s newest stalker twitter follower. He is my idea of a hotty van-hotimous!! Mmmm….

    Nathan, please send us a real picture of you holding nothing or you could hold some twine if you are modest. LOL!

  106. If a direct approach to Nathan can’t get you a pic of him holding twine, what about trying a flanking maneuver? Contact the writers of Castle and get them to write twine into an episode, either as part of the crime or maybe as part of some weird school project of Alexis. They can write in a scene of him holding twine so he can’t refuse (I doubt he had the foresight to have no holding twine written into his contract). Then you can get a screen shot from the episode for your pic of him. Brilliant! Hey, I just checked and there are discussion boards at http://abc.go.com/shows/castle/about-the-show . Start a thread and see how the response to your plea. 🙂

  107. I am so disappointed to hear that Nathan Fillion would ignore you… does he fancy himself as too good to meet the good-natured requests of the Queen of all bloggers??? Humph… then I shall no longer enjoy Castle or any of the reruns of bad sci-fi movies he starred in. Nathan, once you are ready to show a sense of humor and respond to The Bloggess, I will reconsider!

  108. I came across this blog and thought i would see if i could get some the blogs i read to help promote as it really seems this young couple need some help. So if you could give it a look not saying you need to donate you could help by maybe blogging about it or passing it on to fellow bloggers getting the word out is just as much help as donating.

    http://meltedplasticbag.tumblr.com/donate

  109. That first shot of Nathan would have been sooo much better if they had taken a frame a few seconds later, when he’s standing there with his ass on full display. I remember that episode, because his dreaminess compounded itself exponentially. Which is amazing, considering how dreamy I thought he was BEFORE.

    So yeah, I understand the obsession.

  110. Girl!!!

    Your pain! I feel it!

    Did you hear about the tragic day in Pasadena,
    where Nathan Fillion sashayed his 6’4″ of manliness
    all of FIVE FEET FROM ME
    and I
    WAS.
    NOT.
    ALLOWED.
    TO LICK HIM.

    NOT ALLOWED.

    FORBIDDEN.

    Expressly told that would be “weird” and “off-putting”.

    HAH.

    He was asking for it,
    that Cap’t TightPants.

    ASKING.

    THE INJUSTICE.

  111. I haven’t used my Twitter account in forever… I may have to revisit using Twitter just to help your campaign to get twine and Nathan in the same place at the same time and have someone take a picture.

    Keep the laughs coming, I’ve said it before I’ll say it again I aspire to be you!

  112. Dear deranged insomniac, like myself, thank you so so much for making me cry with laughter. Incidentally, hits to my blog from people seeking giant metal chickens have increased since you ever blogged. You started a trend. I was about to approach the State Department that we look into carpetbombing Afghanistan with giant metal chickens but now I remember I already emailed them about using fighting chickens instead and they were kind enough to reply, so let’s not push my luck.
    You made me cry. Thank you thank you. Forwarding to a gazillion crazy friends…
    Love ya! Wish I could email you sleep but I don’t got none. Snakes mommy.

  113. I had NO fucking clue who Nathan Fillion was until I saw the pictures and realized that he’s the hot guy from Castle and also the creepy Jesus superhero from Super…. I LOVE him… I’m definitely down to help you with your twitter campaign to get him to send you a picture holding twine!

    If enough of us do it he’ll eventually have to do it…. he IS a celebrity after all.. if they don’t somewhat cater to the fans… we’ll all hate him and stop watching his shit and then he’ll be all broke and homeless.

  114. Okay well while you were searching around for Nathan Fillion in Hollywood I totally found Alan Tudyk. Which I realize isn’t the same thing, but I personally like Wash more than Mal anyway. And don’t forget about when I pissed off Adam Baldwin. Damn girl, we are all over this shit!

    Lee

  115. I have no clue who he is, but this comment made me laugh sooooooooooo hard: “Surprising all nay-Sayers, @nathanfillion came to Shakeys. He was disguised as an elderly Asian woman & refused to break character.”

    OMG you are hilarious!

  116. I just cannot understand why Wil Wheaton won’t help us out on this one. He was just with Nathan Fillion recently too. I suggest that we alter this campaign and harass Wil Wheaton to get Nathan Fillion to pose with the twine. Clearly Mr. Wheaton is much more reasonable.

  117. Who the hell IS Nathan Fillion?! At first I thought that was a picture of Jason Bateman….mmmmm Jason Bateman.

  118. will be making a poster out of “Naked Nathan” with Ferris Muller playing with the twine. Smiling just thinking of it!

  119. Just found your blog, totally LOL post! This is the dude from Castle right?
    I hope that there will be another chance for your rendezvous with Mr. Twine.
    x.o.x.o

  120. Have you thought about switching props? Maybe he’s AFRAID of twine. He might have this gnawing fear that you’re going to tie him up and make him watch a taxidermied-animal puppet show. Or it might just be a texture thing and you could do a swap for yarn and be fine. The mind can be so fragile…

  121. I don’t know who Nathan is, or Little Wheezy, but I for one would LOVE a picture of Beyonce with a ball of twine!

  122. Maybe we should all send him little pieces of twine. Like four or five inches long and then when he gets enough he can take a pic with all his wonderful twine. That or make a Serenity model out of it.

    I am going to be laughing for days over the ‘LITTLE WAYNE IS DEAD?’ confusion. I think more rappers should borrow their nicknames, stagenames, etc from old 70’s shows.

  123. Now maybe you could do what I’ve done before and just make a lifesize cardboard cutout of our dear Nathan carry it around with you taking pictures?

    Or maybe you could switch out the twine with silken rope or something? You know… make it more enticing?

  124. 1) How can someone working in hollywood at a photo kiosk that places pictures of people with famous people not know who Nathan Fillion is?!

    2) I was horribly disappointed when I read that that was a fake photo with Nathan. I mean I was really excited and jealous for you, and then you had to go and kill that by saying it was a fake.

    but
    3) I’m more disappointed with the fact that Nathan never showed up to Shakeys. I mean honestly, what is he doing that is more important? Exactly, nothing.

  125. I am a new(ish) reader to your blog, and I just have to say – you are fascinating, and you consistently make me laugh out loud. And yeah, you should get Wil Wheaton’s help on this one. He seems like such a nice, helpful man.

  126. @rebecca — your post, especially this:
    NOT.
    ALLOWED.
    TO LICK HIM.

    made me snort my croissant! You have any idea how itchy that makes your nose!? LOL! Loved this!

  127. Dear Bloggess,

    This should be your 186 comment. If you read this, please tweet something about gnomes. Anything. I’ll be happy to fill you in, but my sister reads the column and my BIL need to be kept in the dark.

    About the gnomes.

    (I read it. But I can’t think of anything witty to tweet about gnomes. I don’t work well under pressure. I suck. ~Jenny)

    Not about your column.

    Thank you.

  128. Why would anyone want a picture of the kind of man who is afraid of twine?

    Shame on you, Nathan Fillion, with your perverse twine phobias and your disregard for your most passionate fans.

  129. I don’t understand Nathan’s lack of response. This is totally his type of thing. Have you considered applying to Rick Astley for a picture of himself cradling a large bread roll?

  130. Dear Jenny,

    Yay! I just finished reading your blog! It started with the Beyonce post, which, btw, is hysterical! I got hooked from that and went back and read everything from day one. It took until today to get caught up. Oh, what fun it has been! You are hysterically funny, clever, sweet, and inspiring. Looking forward to future posts!!

    Hugs,
    Maryann

  131. So I just spent five minutes (okay, maybe it was two) explaining how awesome you and Nathan Fillion are for actually having this happening. And then after telling them, I scrolled down, read the rest of your story, and feel rather jipped. :/

  132. Tweet all the Castle cast a link to this post and I bet they’ll get on him. Especially @tamalajones, she great about responding to Tweets.

  133. Why else would you go to hollywood? PUHLEEZE Weezy isn’t even a REAL STAR. Nathan Fillion. That is fame.

  134. Don’t give up hope. Never give up hope. He probably totally meant to meet you but had a horrible (and somewhat terrifying) incident with a hang nail. Those things can be a bitch.

  135. My Dad ran into Nathan at a Taco Bell, maybe he hates pizza and was mad at you for suggesting it. Next time try Taco Bell. 🙂

  136. We should all just start tweeting him links to this blog post. He’ll think he’s being spammed like nobody else, ever.

  137. I think that, since Nathan likes to go to things like Comic con, we should have a representative with either a gift of twine, or a present wrapped with twine to give him at each place he is scheduled to appear. eventually one of us will get it to him, and get to take a picture of him holding it with a very confused look on his face… 🙂

  138. Oh thank the Gods.. a post to divert my attention from the heated debate over whether Pippa Middleton wore padded panties at the Royal Wedding! Seriously if millions of TV viewers were going to be staring at MY can, I’d damn well do something to make it appear more, shall we say.. huggable!

    Love the first pic. Glad you’re home Jenny.. you were missed!

  139. I absolutely believed that photo was real! For at least 5 seconds… maybe more!

    I agree with all the people saying we need to band together and campaign to get Nathan Fillion to send you a photo of himself with twine! And maybe a sign saying, “I’m so sorry, Jenny!”

    Should someone send him a sign and a ball of twine? Because I’m crafty, I can TOTALLY do that.

  140. This is time for a 6 degrees of Nathan campaign. Seriously people. Someone out there must know someone who shines someone’s shoes, who sells gum to Nathan’s barista. Jenny NEEDS us! The time for action is now. Who’s with me?

  141. I wish that I had found your blog before Comic-Con because I met him outside of our hotel room and had a picture taken with him on the last day. If I had known about your mission, I would have been carrying around a ball of twine for just the occasion.

  142. I met Nathan Fillion on set yesterday, and he is one of the nicest, most genuine actors in town. When asked about the “pic of you holding twine” debacle, after some explanation and a reference to Wil Wheaton collating papers, he said, “OOOOOOh, yeah. I don’t do stuff like that because, frankly, where does it end? You do it once, and then suddenly everyone’s asking you to do it.” But when I told him some of your fans had photoshopped him holding twine, he said “there you go” (with a smile on his face). And HE took a pic of us with my phone, so I have that (but really, it’s not as good as the pic you have of yourself with him, fake tho it may be – and I have no software or hardware to make my phone talk to my computer so you could see for yourself how much better your pic is than mine).

    I think if you get other celebs doing arbitrary stuff, particularly some who are friends with him or that he may follow on Twitter, the twine thing could end up eventually happening. But I get the feeling he’s not a leader in the field of “doing stupid shit just for fun”; he needs to see all the other happy lemmings jumping off that cliff before he’s ready to commit to it.

    Had I realized that he was as nice as he is, I may have attempted to bring twine to set to photobomb him “accidentally” holding said twine. But as some of your readers have surmised, it’s really just not that easy to plan things around twine in California. And I think I may be allergic. Yeah, that’s it.

  143. I was fairly happy when Castle succeeded, prior to that, it was looking as though a starring role for him was the Kiss of Death to any TV show…

    He does have a very strong kind of likeable affability that one does not need to be gay to appreciate.

  144. I litterally slid off my chair onto the floor I was laughing so hard when the woman screamed “LITTLE WAYNE DIED?” I wasn’t rolling, though, while on the floor. I was laughing too hard to move. P.S. this was at work. Aparently no one can get fired around here.

  145. Nathan Fillion is going to be in Houston in April for the Texas Library Association Convention…maybe you could find him, wrap him in twine and get your picture before he knows what’s hit him! Here’s a link to the information http://www.txla.org/TLACast-30-5

  146. Here’s the deal. You have to get at Nathan Fillion sideways. I think the plan will work much better if you get at someone he knows- …Felicia Day? Neil Patrick Harris? Jewel Staite? All big tweeters, all have an in with Nathan. I’d bet you coming at him from that angle would be much more fruitful- and you might get a few more celebrities doing random things out of the deal in the process.

  147. LOL!!! Maybe he is doing a “will he” “won’t he” to create blog tension. And it is working.

    By the end of the fourth season of this blog maybe he will send you a twine pic with “Always” spelled out on his fantastic, yummy body.

    I am currently ODing on his make out scene with Stana. Oh heart be still. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I CANNOT BOYCOTT THIS MAN BECAUSE OF HIS REFUSAL TO TWINE.

    So…thanks for making me take a break back to the real world. Now I am heading back down the rabbit hole for more “Always”.

  148. I always get Nathan Fillion confused with Jeremy Renner. You know, the guy who plays Hawkeye in The Avengers? Maybe you could try getting a pic of Jeremy using twine to make a bow and arrow that he’s going to shoot at a picture of Nathan Fillion since he probably gets very annoyed at the fact that people get them confused…. It’s just a thought.

  149. This is HILARIOUS!!! I read a little about the twine thing, when I first discovered I loved Nathan. I would scroll through pages and pages of pics. Stopping at twine pics and thinking WTF??? Haha.

    Did not realize you started it all. Too funny. Just dicovered it now, as I was looking for a pic of Nathan tied up. Saw yet another twine pic. But the site listed for it was the Blogess. Wondered what you said about it and la dee da…you started it. Too funny.

    Ok. I still need a pic of Nathan tied up to go with a funny meme I found. Off to find that pic. 🥰🥰🥰

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