I have no fucking idea what I’m doing (UPDATED: I still have no fucking idea what I’m doing, but I feel much better about it.)

I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.

Like, ever.

Last week I met with my shrink, and she told me I need to figure out who I am and what I want out of life.  I think this is excellent advice for people who are grown-ups, and who have 401ks, and clean, matching socks, and 5-year-plans.

I’m not one of those people.  I just do shit and then other shit happens.  Sometimes it’s good shit and sometimes it’s shitty shit, but none of it is planned.  And I sort of suspect that if I stopped to actually consider who I am, I’d stop being “me”.  “Me” never knows who I am.  And now I sound like an existential Tarzan.  Awesome.

It’s been eating at me for the last week, but I think I’ve finally figured it out.   My five-year-plan is to never be the kind of person who’s stable enough to have a five-year-plan.  It’s technically the same plan I had five years ago, and guess what?  I’m totally on track.

PS.  I just realized that always accomplishing the same five year plan of continued instability actually makes me pretty damn stable.  And now I’m just confused, and need more xanax.  I can only assume my psychiatrist did this on purpose to ensure her job security.  In fact, this whole scenario was probably all on her five year plan.  Nice one, Dr. Q.

Slow. Fucking. Clap.

UPDATED:  First off, thank you.  It’s nice (and somewhat terrifying) to know how many of us are just pretending to be grown-ups.  Also, my shrink is quite awesome, and when I tell her that I’ve decided to be perpetually and happily immature forever she’ll probably give me a high-five.  Or a look of confusion.  Maybe both.  But what’s nice is that instead of feeling like a failure for falling backward into life, I woke up this morning feeling better…for choosing to dive in – albeit backward, eyes closed, chaotically, and possibly into broken glass or hyenas.  I think that’s called “growth”.  Or denial.  Hard to tell.

Also, so many of you reminded me that I needed to listen to this song again.  And you were right.  Thank you:

618 thoughts on “I have no fucking idea what I’m doing (UPDATED: I still have no fucking idea what I’m doing, but I feel much better about it.)

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I am one of those people as well. Hm, I’ll go to college. I’ll be a journalist. And a math teacher. And then I’ll blog and bake cupcakes and talk about poop all day on Twitter.

    It’s sort of an organic process.

  2. Yup, that’s the plan I’m on too, and usually it’s good. Especially when I look around at my peers and see them dealing with the plan they made a couple decades ago and I’m glad I’m not doing what they’re doing now.

  3. You’re doing alright. Every time I feel like a gigantic fuckup in my life, I look around me at everyone else and I realize, they’re all just as messed up as me, or worse. At least you know you don’t know what you’re doing. Look at those big mouth blowhards charging through life like they think they’re under control. Won’t they be surprised.

  4. Same way. I don’t think I could plan for what I eat the next day, let alone for anything important. Instability is just the BEST stability because it makes everything original. Do you think that “sane” people ever feel surprised by life? Not like we do. That’s precisely why knowing who you are is completely irrelevant and just leads to being overly medicated without enjoying it.

  5. My name is Abby, and I have no fucking idea what I’m doing either. Perhaps we should start a support group, as then at least when we’re supposed to be retired and responsible for something other than a plant, we can share a cardboard box together. We will chuckle.

    I also sprayed breath spray into my own eye today. It’s like mint Mace. You’re one up on me.

  6. I never know what I’m doing until I’m doing it. Today I was going to go grocery shopping when it suddenly became napping, see no plan, it works better this way.

  7. For Chrissakes, isn’t it her job to help you figure things out???

    Nice 5-year plan. Mine looks pretty similar. Except I’m sitting in the same chair in the same classroom for 2 1/2 years.

    Love ya, girl. Never stop being YOU, because YOU are Awesome with a capital-A.

    Fuck the shrinks who don’t get it. Lace their Evian with “shuddup sauce”.

  8. I found that marrying someone who kept track of that crap saved me. And while when the boys came along I did have to take a real job, I supplement that with a spectacularly middle-of-the-road career as an author.

  9. If all you want out of life is to finish a creepy dollhouse and collect taxidermied animals, is that so wrong? Well, probably, according to most people, but if it makes you happy, then that should be plan enough.

  10. Nope, you’re not the only one. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and I’m pretty sure I never will. And I’m totally okay with that most of the time. Mostly, I just feel guilty about having a good job when I could give a rat’s ass about it. But I do love the fact that I have one of them there 401k thangs. I dig that I’ll have enough money to pay someone to wipe my ass when the time comes – because we all know that my husband ain’t gonna do it!

  11. I sat on my arse in rehab twelve years ago, while all the junkies around me scribbled their goals down on paper in group therapy. They scribbled and fucking scribbled. It was incredibly annoying. I wrote one thing:

    “To get some goals.”

    Nothing much has changed. Don’t sweat it. X

  12. Its part of being a woman, never having to decide. Besides, why limit yourself. Ppl with a 5 yr plan never go beyond that, so that makes them pitiful. Just sayin…

  13. I wish I was one of your funny commenters, but I’m not. Word is telling me commenters is not a word, but it is. It’s a group of people who comment..so suck it.
    My shrink just TODAY told me the SAME thing..perhaps having a plan would help my anxiety and feeling of being a whirling vortex of bucket lists.
    Mostly b/c my “what I want to be when I grow up” didn’t work out so well.

  14. What’s even scarier is that we’re parents. We’re supposed to be teaching these smallish humans how to grow up and be something. I have four of them. FOUR. I’m supposed to somehow turn four separate people into productive adults someday, and here I sit, reading blogs and eating cereal straight out of the box at almost 10 o’ clock at night.

  15. I’m totally going to kidnap you and keep you in my basement… in a totally non-creepy way. (is that possible?)

  16. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. In 5 years Ferris Mewler will have it all worked out, Posey will be all amped up on V, and Beyonce will be in the living room watching TV.

  17. i don’t think i could even imagine myself having a 5 year plan, let alone ACTUALLY having one. that just sounds completely crazy

  18. If you’re the only one, then I’m a woven basket from Morocco.

    And we all know woven items can’t type, so I think you’re okay.

  19. My plan is not to have a 3rd marriage. Or a 4th. You know, not to be like Elizabeth Taylor. Unless of course someone throws a boatload of money at me. And huge fucking diamonds. But not that shitty White Diamonds perfume. That would be a very poor substitute for the real thing. Then I’d be happy to have another few crap marriages under my belt. Oh yea and not to have my house fall down over my head. Which could actually happen I’m beginning to think.

    Other than that, there’s no plan happening here either.

  20. such a relief to know that there are others like me out there. Is it okay if my Non Five-year-plan Plan includes continuing to spill coffee on myself at least once a week?

  21. I’m the exact same way.
    Being in the same job for 5 years, i get this talk monthly from my boss.
    You have no idea how great it makes me feel to get that look from him everytime he asks…
    It makes me feel awesome… Every month.
    ….And yet he continues to ask…
    I think he likes to make me feel like crap.

  22. I saw a quote the other day that said something like…”Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself”, it really made me think, and made me feel better about how I go through life. I’m a planner, but it took me a long time to figure out who I am, and now I don’t apologize for who I am. EVER.

  23. I don’t know if this is the same sort of thing, but it feels like it is. I feel a whole lot better when I accept that I am a touch insane. When I try to fight it, try to be all normal, try to sensor my sense of humor or weird thoughts, I feel as if I’m losing touch of the me-ness of me. That’s not to say I love when I’m depressed, that part sucks, but the other insanity that is me, well, that’s just fine.

  24. Hell yes. I have no five year plan. That is for boring people who wish to sleep their way through to retirement. I’m doing what is good for me and mine right now, and while it is good for us that’s the plan.

    In one year I am getting married. I have yet to plan it. But I can guarantee it will be a lot more fun than the last wedding I went to, which was planned for years, and made me fall asleep part way through….

  25. Dear Diary,

    Fucked with Jenny again today. Guaranteed another five years in copays. At least! 5YR plan is totally working. Yay me!

    -Dr. Q

  26. Awww fuck. Here I was hoping I could just trail along behind your awesomeness because you clearly have this shit sorted. Now I too have no fucking idea…

  27. I make plans ALL..THE..TIME!!!! Does it help? NO! I have a 401K! Does it help? NO! Do I know what I want to be when I grow up? NOT A CLUE!! I have clean socks! Does it matter? NOT ONE DAMN STINKIN BIT!!! Basically, we’re all lost in the same boat. Its nice to have company though. 🙂

  28. For someone who loves to plan–planning can be HIGHLY overrated. I like what you’re doing and from what I know of you, so maybe keep going in that direction? Or something? Or maybe switch shrinks…cuz my therapist is never that strident with me. 😉

  29. so, I’m thinking dump the shrink if you don’t want to think that hard. I mean that’s what shrinks do. save your money for chickens.

  30. I have some made up five year plans–if that counts. I never actually accomplish the things. Basically, I’m one of those people who has ketchup on the walls and eats spaghetti sauce out of a jar but I have BIG PLANS.

    That’s more pathetic. I win for pathetic.

  31. when i was able to afford therapy, he was convinced i need to learn to PLAN! and SCHEDULE! every day life. I broke down crying. Completely incapable of following a daily schedule. Schedules are just another way to fail at life and end up shellacked on a board.

  32. Aw, Jenny, it doesn’t really matter who you think you are. I think I’m the funniest fuckin’ person on Facebook. Which is kinda like being the prettiest girl at the school for the blind. YOU, on the other hand, are the funniest girl ever. So apparently what matters is what WE, your fans, think. So there.

  33. Um. Yeah. Neither do I. I think that makes us more interesting? At the very least it helps the “metal chicken” industry LIKE NO OTHER. My friends and I have one now and we pass it back and forth to cheer each other up. We call it the “Justin Bieber Metal Chicken of Happiness”.. so.. yeah. That was all you. Your brilliant idea now cheers us up when we want to chuck it all and go live in a van down by the river. Or, at the very least… a SPA down by the river (with fully stocked bar). Well done. 🙂

  34. In less than two years, both of my boys will be in college. Everyone keeps asking me what I will do when they are gone. First, why do I have to do SOMETHING? Why can’t I just keep doing what I am doing now? Who knows what will be happening in two years? I am a fly by the seat..of my pants girl. In two years, something will come up. I can barely make lunch plans, much think about what I will be doing in two years. Live in the moment, sieze the day. It will all be just fine.

  35. I’m currently wearing two socks, neither match. I haven’t the faintest fucking clue what I’m doing or what I’m going to do.

    My current plan is something along the lines of ‘keep breathing, take your meds, try not to think about people staring at your socks.’

    You’re being awesome Jenny, and that’s the best plan there is.

  36. Sounds like a big mind fuck… was it good for you?? At least it made ME laugh (and it’s really, all about me – isn’t it)?? … or is that you?

    Anyway, keep up the insanity because it makes my whacked out existence seem a bit more “normal” (or whatever…)

  37. My biggest goals in life are to bring my Small Ones to age eighteen in one piece (hopefully without a criminal record), and to one day have rich-people problems. Planning to not have a plan sounds far more productive and realistic compared to my plan.

  38. If I make it through a Monday without going to jail for manslaughter I pat myself on the back. Five years from now? I’ll probably be watching the Cardinals lose with a drink in my hand.

  39. Now you can revise your five year plan from “never be the kind of person who’s stable enough to have a five-year-plan” to “be an integral part of someone else’s five year plan.” Whatever you choose, the shrink wins. They always win. It’s part of the five-year shrink plan: Win.

  40. Oh boy am I in the same boat. I have been telling my friends lately that I had no idea what the plan for my life was supposed to be at the ripe old age of 34, but I’m preeeettty sure that the plan wasn’t to be single, childless, jobless and living with my dad. Which is my current state of affairs. Sooooo, yea. I feel ya!

  41. I think it’s funny that people have 5 year plans. I don’t plan that far in advance, because there’s no way I can know what will be going on in my life 5 years from now, or hell, even a year from now. Five years ago, I never would have predicted that I would finish my Master’s degree and move from Texas to Portland, OR. So my 5 year plan would have been crap. Besides, how boring it would be to know what’s going to happen in my life over the next 5 years; the mystery and uncertainty is so much fun!

  42. She says that like it’s a bad thing!! I have never had a “Life Plan” other than trying to raise happy children and keep us all in clean underpants. So far, I’ve been successful.

  43. Back in 1980 when I was a police reporter in Waco, Texas, I know, ack, a fellow reporter (Capt. Buttface) had a 5-year plan. I mocked him mercilessly. Later, we worked in PR together. He had a new and more strategic 5-year plan. I mocked him mercilesslier. And now? He is a corporate CEO, and I blog from New Zealand. If there is not a lesson in THAT, I just don’t know…

  44. My therapist asked me something similar. I came to a similar conclusion, but did decide I want to decorate bulletin boards for a living. No such luck so far.

  45. I say this at least once a day. I have no clue what I am doing. Ever. My basic parenting-style & life plan is, “Eh, just wing it.”.

  46. I used to have a plan, but then I realized that I’m about to turn 27, have my tonsils taken out, am barely employed, and am not (in fact) working towards a completely useless PhD at UT Austin with an amazing apartment and weekends on 6th Street. This 5 year plan was implemented 7 years ago…

    How do you make the gods laugh? Make a plan.

  47. I’m so glad that I’m not the only one! See, for years I tried to be one of those *stable* people. Wanna know how well it worked?

    It didn’t.

    Now I’m suddenly finding myself single (after the end of a 5-year-marriage) and working two jobs and going to school at night. My new mantra: Fuck plans, because plans will only fuck you, so it’s better to fuck them first.

    That’s a long mantra. We’ll settle with “Fuck Plans”.

    🙂

  48. I like to think that I have a plan. But that plan never works out. My plans are more like 10 year plans so I have five years to fuck around and then another five to finally figure out what the fuck I’m doing. Honestly, it will probably never work. Its a good thought to have in my head though.

  49. I just always feel that everything is going to be okay. I figure if 100 year olds are living in nursing homes and they didn’t have a 401k, I can do it as well.

  50. Personally, I think you’re doing just fine. But maybe I’m trying to make myself feel better for not being able to plan, either. For me, it’s like you said–shit happens, good or bad. Then you just have to go from there. Having a solid plan with all the little goals along the way makes me anxious, because plans tend to go awry, causing me to seriously spiral down when they don’t work out. Somehow I usually manage to land on my feet. It may not be where I thought I’d be, but it works. I think the process of life is much more fun and rewarding than the end result of reaching some specific goal. Although it feels hella good to find that through all our stumbling, we sometimes manage to meet the ultimate goal of being furiously happy.

  51. Oh my God, please Dr. Q, Jenny you are TOTALLY on track and doing exactly what you were meant to do!

    It’s just still unfolding and more and more awesome will be revealed. Hey, I’m mixing meds and I may be pregnant. I’ll probably get a girl and she will take me down.

  52. Thank You for saying it and I’m still laughing!!! I don’t know what’s funnier- your post or these comments. I second every single one of them, except the ones I didn’t read, of course. @Abby, Can I PLEASE us that Mint Mace comment in my book. That $#1t is funny. If I ever get published, I swear I’ll dedicate it to you;^) For the record, planning = necessary evil – necessary + generally sucks.

  53. I can never figure out what to do with my life. Seriously, five years ago I would have thought I would have graduated with my Bachelor’s and doing something I love by now and just about to have our first child. Instead we have two children and I finished my associate’s degree after 5 years, 6 if you count my senior year when I took college courses. (It wasn’t consecutive).

    I still have no idea what I want to me. I’m a Pampered Chef consultant, pet sitter, and work part-time at Bath & Body Works. Right now it works for me I guess. Oh and stay-at-home-mom- that’s my largest job.

    Some day I’ll figure out my grown-up job. Right now my husband is on track to his.

  54. I tried psychotherapy recently. The first two sessions were great. She got me to open up about my whole life and then said (paraphrasing), “Wow, if my life sucked as bad as yours, I’d be depressed too.” Which, oddly enough, made me feel better. The third session was essentially a waste of time. She had no idea what else to say after the “I’d be depressed too” line. I think I have to stop going. I don’t want to end up having to tell her how depressed I’d be if I were a failure as a psychotherapist.

  55. I feel like people think I’m that 401k person. But I’m not. My husband is. I only am by proxy. My five year plan? Continue to hide behind him and hope something rubs off.

  56. That sounds like a great plan!. Whenever I worked in coorporate America when faced with that 5 yr question bullshit, I’ve never been able to say anything more than “I want to be a writer.” this is why my jobs never worked out, I suppose. I’m down to $3 in the bank but now that I write I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Like you I’ve got my meds w xanax on the backup to keep all cylinders going, so just hang in there!

  57. I’m so glad we’re all in this crazy hell together. I never know where I’m at from one day to the next and no matter how many times someone tells me I need to figure it out that won’t change. I just started telling people to kiss my ass more. It doesn’t really help, bu it makes me feel better and that’s what really counts anyway.

  58. ugh. actually, i’m a COMPLETE 5 yr planner. and guess what?? things went awry around year 2/ year 3, and since then (like the last 2 or 3 years), i’ve felt like i don’t know who *i* am.

    so i’m sorry, but having a 5 yr plan does not necessarily ensure success. some times it just means you’re more lost when life deals you a different hand.

  59. If it makes you feel any better, I have trouble figuring out what to do for the next hour, much less the rest of my life. My advice: Have a drink or three, write on the napkins to keep your furniture safe – that’s what I do when I want to worry about my future. The next day, the napkins are all damp and unreadable, I feel like I accomplished something, but I obviously can’t be held responsible for it.

  60. You aren’t alone there. I went back to college this year still no clue what that means for me in the long run. I tend be baffled by people who have 5 year plans when I can’t commit to my next meal. So I tend to live in the same state of constant instability and confusion and always with Xanax on hand

  61. As if who you are is something that can be “figured out” and defined, not something complex, often contradictory, and constantly evolving. Some of the worst advice ever.

  62. This sort of thing used to drive me NUTS. I tried to have something like a 5-year-plan because I thought it would make me more stable, and then about two days later something bad would happen and I’d have to go “New 5-year-plan starting…. now!” And then two weeks after that something else would happen and knock me completely off track again.

    And now I realize I don’t actually know a single person who really knows who they are or what they want out of life. Now I can appreciate all these people because they’re just as messed up as I am and it’s GREAT.

  63. I constantly feel the same way — except, I don’t have a shrink — so now I’m wondering if I probably need one … shit, now I’m confused?! Glad to hear someone is in the same damn, half sinking, but “THANK GOD, we can see the shore”, kind of boat.

  64. Not only is this pretty normal, but I’ve explained it to my son too. One of the few perks of being a very honest parent has been explaining that Mommy and Daddy don’t really know what we’re doing either, it almost feels like we just woke up one day and instead of someone else, we were the grown ups. And even though we had you on purpose and thought we were prepared, it is hard knowing you are responsible to someone else for answers. He is 8 and was just surprised that we don’t love cooking, cleaning and working all day, but would prefer to spend all our time sitting on the couch wearing underwear while playing video games; unfortunately that would keep us from eating or living indoors.

  65. Aw, honey, no one has any fucking idea what they’re doing. Most people just fake it ’til they make it (as they say in AA). When you were young, and wanted to be a grown-up no one told you that this shit is not fun. It’s boring, and there are bills to pay, and people look at you funny when you climb up into the playground at the park even if you act like you’re looking for your kid. You’re you, and apparently tons of us find you amazing. If you stopped to make plans for where you want to be in FIVE years we’d miss out on stories about Ferris Mewler and convo’s with Victor. My plan is to not mix too many meds with vodka popsicles, so I’m still kicking in 5 years.

  66. I love this post. I often feel even though I’m 30-ish, I’m still pretending to be a “grown up.” Like someone is going to grab me by the ear and take me aside and tell me I’m a kid go back to my room.

  67. People who say they have plan? I don’t trust ’em.

    Improvisation indicates higher-level thinking. Or, at least that’s what I tell myself, since I rarely plan beyond the next meal.

  68. Sometimes I feel the same way- am I really the person I want to be? Who have I ever really wanted to be? By not knowing, am I really just more myself, since there is no plan?

    You bring so much joy and laughter into the world- and you may never realize it. You are completely awesome just as you are, even if you’re not that clear on who that is right now.

  69. Um, you have a giant metal chicken and had a Twitter feud with Shatner. Who needs a 5-year plan when you’ve already done it all.

    The rest is just cake, baby. Delicious, delicious cake.

  70. You know, I’m pretty sure they say that the definition of INSANITY is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But, based on what you’ve described, you seem to have the same 5 year plan, every 5 years, and you not only expect the same results but you PLAN to have the same results… to me, you are the definition of SANE! 🙂

  71. Oh, god. No, of course its not just you. Its just that more now that any time, we’re told from all directions that we are SUPPOSED to know what we’re doing, yet we live in a world with more opportunities and access to information than ever before. Why I’m the hell would anyone with access to the Internet and a non oppressive spouse and who didn’t grow up with a (jazz hands) *dream* know what they wanted out of life at only 30-whatever?

    I like the notion that all the cycles of furious planning and subsequent destroying of plans (whether by arthritis or mental illness or poverty or boredom or petulance or whatever) are just how I do, and are totally ok.

    My biggest mistake, I think, is in diving into an idea and trying to convince myself that I must be permanently committed to it. Since I’ve married the philosophy that almost any decision that I make can be unmade, I take so many more chances, and give a lot less credence to the idea that I’ll ever conform to a standard mold of what a woman in her 40’s raising a family is supposed to look like.

  72. Well, I’m the gal who had the big plan and then one day out of the blue, the husband comes home and says he doesn’t want to be married anymore… Regroup… new plan… then my condo floods with 2 feet of water… Fuck regrouping. I’m just living each day the best I can.

    Fool me once, life… shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me. I’m no fool, but I’m a non-5-year-plan non-fool. 🙂

    Hang in there.

  73. ‘Life is what happens while your busy making other plans.’ – John Lennon

    My long term plan is not get so caught up in long term plans that I miss out on life. I modeled it after you.

    You’re welcome.

    (The bill is in the mail) 🙂

  74. I don’t have a 5-minute plan, much less a 5-year plan. My children have turned my life into a living crap shoot, my husband is another child, my mother has gone crazy and needy and is also another child. At this point in my life, I’m looking to downsize my responsibilities, not up them and then this crap happens. WTF? I only remember birthing three?!

    I don’t care anymore who I am or what I want. It’s at the bottom of a martini glass, under the olives 😉

  75. Back in High School we had to write an essay about where we wanted to be when we were 30. I remember vividly that the two things I vowed in that essay I wasn’t going to do were “get married” and “have kids”.
    I’m now 40-something. I have 3 failed marriages under my belt and one daughter who would rather not acknowledge I exist. So… using that logic I guess my plan should be something like “get a horrible disease and die a prolonged, agonizing death” thus ensuring that I’ll live forever.

    So, I guess “I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.” (as the Beatles would say) and maybe the best plan is to have no plan except to get through this crazy life together.

  76. I’m distressingly close to 50, a mother of five ranging from 28 to 9–and I’m just now starting college, with a final goal of a PhD in Renaissance literature.

    By the time I achieve what I want to be when I grow up, it’ll be time to retire!

  77. Five years ago I didn’t know my husband, didn’t have a kid, lived 12 hours away from my current place and was in a job in a totally different field. There is no way I could have predicted where I am now. And I’m ok with that. These days, if I can plan five DAYS in advance, that’s a major bonus. Just keep doing what you’re doing – scary as it sounds, you’re making people’s lives better because you make us LAUGH!

  78. I kind of think that’s the best plan ever. If you already know where you’ll be in five years, what’s the fun in getting there?

    I once had my entire life planned for me. I ran away to a world where I eat cupcakes for breakfast, never know where I’ll be in a week. And I go brave enough to blog.

  79. Who are these “grown-ups” of which you speak? Non in tihs house, I can assure you.

    5 years? Really? I’m willing to come up with a 5 minute plan: In the next 5 minutes I will be putting my still-awake-but-was-supposed-to-be-asleep-an-hour-ago kid to bed. That’s about it over here.

  80. Jenny, you make people all over the world laugh their asses off on a regular basis. Sounds like a successful like to me. 🙂

  81. My 5 year plan was to be like you and now you tell me the way to achieve that is to not have a plan?? How am I supposed to work with that?

  82. I’m a planner, just got the “what’s your 5 year plan” question in a job interview recently. I made something up, and afterwards I wish I had said, “I want to be happy.” B/c right now, I’m not. ann @ my life as prose is right – life happens when you’re making those plans.

  83. Plans…. Heavy sigh. My 401(k) is gone, which is why I’m pretty much counting on the zombie apocalypse in 2012. Who needs savings when you’ve got mad ninja skills and pent up rage against the machine? Not me, that’s who.

  84. You’re a Mom, isn’t that pretty much your 5-year plan? Hell, that’s your rest-of-your-life plan, if you figure that way!

  85. I have a 401K and matching socks… but that five year plan shit is for suckas! I’m lucky if I can plan out my week. Sure… I have lists and calendar appointments, but those mean nothing, mostly for show. Perhaps time for a new shrink?

  86. Holy fucking exactly!

    Like the whole Life List phenomenon that’s been sweeping the internet lately — I mean, that is great for people who like making lists and checking things off their lists and quantifying everything. And a lot of people like doing those things, and that’s swell for them…but I am just not wired that way At All. I hate making everything into a goal or a check mark. And things — even things I love love love doing — as soon as they are things that I _have_ to do, for whatever reason…I suddenly never ever want to do those things ever again at all, ever.

    I think Aimless Drifting is a fairly valid direction, really. (And it’s really nice to know I’m not the only grown-up without a 5-year plan. Or even a 5-day plan.)

  87. That sounds a lot like my 5-yeas plan, except that mine wasn’t inspired by a mental health professional; it was inspired by working *in* the mental health field. That, and I enjoy making my family wonder if I will ever settle down and have a family (I am 33, the youngest and the only one still single and childless). Come to think of it, I don’t even have a 1-year plan….

    I discovered something freaking awesome today (okay it’s not like I was the first person to see it, but work with me here) and it has “Jenny” written all over it (figuratively, but how cool would it be if it was literal?). Anyway, I want to share the URL with you but I don’t want anyone else to see it before you write about it (how could you NOT????). Can you send me an e-mail so I can send it privately? I promise I won’t stalk you (I live in VA and am way too lazy to stalk someone cross-country).

  88. My mother calls this the “No-plan Plan”. It mostly gets used on vacations in order to annoy my sister.

  89. My life coach for most of my adulthood, Jimmy Buffett, says “If I had it all to do over again, I’d just get my self drunk and start over again”.

    Let’s leave the five year plans to the anal-retentive people who cling to them in quiet desperation.

  90. 5 year plans are boring. What happens when you’re 2 years into your plan and something better comes along? Do you abandon the 5 year plans or stick it out? If you abandon the 5 year plan, do you feel guilty for not following through? I would but I have congenital guilt so maybe that’s just me. My plan is to be furiously happy and I get better at it all the time. Thanks in part to you. I think the track you are on sounds just perfect.

  91. honestly i know just where you are and how you feel. the more i think i know the more i know i know nothing. the more i plan the less it feels secure. a living walking paradox that can talk herself in circles. ahh but know you have followers and fans, and you make people smile and laugh – that alone is a gift. in sharing happiness with others, you open the opportunity for more happiness within yourself. much love to you, my friend!

  92. Back when I had to actually dress for work (as opposed to the dickie and underwear ensemble I wear now that I don’t have to leave the house) my old boss used to come up to me periodically and say “So, where do you see yourself in five years?” My reply was always, “Wherever you’re not.”

    (In my head, of course.)

  93. Actually, I know a song about this. Sort of? It’s “In My Mind” by Amanda Palmer. She has it up on youtube.

  94. I got some great advice from my college mentor when I lamented that I just wanted to be normal! “Normal is a setting on the washing machine and that’s it.” What’s important is to be happy. Hang in there.

  95. Funny. Your therapist tells you to make a plan. Mine keeps telling me to just breathe and take one day at a time because the plans give me anxiety. Hmm. Maybe we should switch therapists?

  96. All I know is that what I have now, is not something that I want in five years. That being said I have no idea what I really want (I’m 28 btw) except unattainable things, like going on So You Think You Can Dance.

  97. I find this post completely astonishing as yours is the voice of strength I would be grateful to hear on a rainy day. I think it’s best you fire your shrink.

  98. 5yr Plans are highly overrated. Usually at about month six of the 5yr Plan all hell breaks loose and spews all over the Plan in nuclear meltdown type fashion. I usually go month-to-month, like a renter of a condo in a questionable neighborhood, that way when the bomb goes off I can move quickly and seek the shelter of another ill-advised Plan.

  99. I love coming here. Because all the stuff that’s swirling around in my head is written on the screen. And for a little while I can feel like maybe I’m not so fucking abnormal… I think you’re awesome.

  100. Hey, I’m a therapist (yeah, people who knew me as a kid are still scratching their heads about that one), and I say why worry about who you want to be in 5 years? Celebrate who you are right now, in this moment; an incredibly talented funny AWESOME person. There’s this quote I tell my clients all the time (and I’ll probably eff it up here) that goes something like people with depression live in past, people with anxiety live in the future, people with true happiness live in the now. Just when you may figure out who you want to be and what you want out of life, life will step in with different plans and send you a different way. When the zombies attack, YOU will roll with it and sell them t–shirts with giant chickens and direct them towards all those schmucks who think they have their lives all figured out. HA! (now, that will be $100 please…)

  101. Seriously, a shrink who superimposes their ideal for living on you is just another nag who has no respect for life and the diversity of lifestyles. Dump her.

  102. Plans are for pussy’s … live in the moment. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I live by Scarlet O’Hara’s M.O. … “I can’t think about this today, I’ll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day!” Or some crap like that.

    Love your words and your ways. Thanks for inspiring me daily!

  103. Honey, you are having a book published. Stop for a moment and dwell upon how many people would fucking KILL to have their book published. You stuck at it for 10 fucking years. Now stop and dwell upon how many people would have given up long ago. Okay, I’m starting to sound like the Old Spice guy, but to put it plainly…

    You persevered and accomplished a goal only a tiny percentage of people achieve. YOU ARE A FUCKING ROLE MODEL!!!!!

    As far as 5 year plans go, those are for people who don’t have a fucking clue about the kinds of curve balls life is capable of throwing. I don’t know what the weekend will bring, and no one else does either. So don’t worry about that. Your way of doing stuff and then other stuff happens seems to work just fine.

    I know you have your challenges, but, babe, you have a husband who GETS you and a beautiful smart interesting daughter. So you hit the jackpot family-wise. And look at all of us people who love you, and can’t wait to hear anything you damn well want to tell us. Now, add BOOK.

    Seriously, you are leading a charmed life…and that’s before the fucking awesome giant metal chicken. Why are you going to a shrink, again?

    Oh yeah, drugs. Insomnia, anxiety disorders, etc. need good drugs. So, stick with her, or find someone else, it doesn’t matter as long as they give you the drugs you need. But if you want really good advice? I’d find another shrink.

    Except I don’t think you need good advice. Like I’ve been sayin, you are doing remarkable well just going your own way. Count your blessings and keep on keepin on.

    Does your shrink have multi-hundred-thousands fan club/cheering section? I don’t think so. She’s probably just jealous. Ignore her.

  104. Nothing ever goes according to plan, so why have one? Once upon a time, I had a plan. I planned all the way up until I turned 27. I accomplished everything on the plan. I had awards and accolades. At the end, I still didn’t know who I was, just who everybody else thought I should be. Plus, there was some crazy life stuff that couldn’t be planned. So, now I am 34 and in a life I didn’t quite expect. I’m doing the best I can since I’ve decided all the crazy stuff happens with or without planning. For now, I’ll see what life has in store when I get there or else I will have spent my life PLANNING and not LIVING.

    Fire your therapist and hire me instead.

  105. Forget the 5 year plan and live your life. Before you know it the 5 years and then some will have passed you by. This is coming from someone who sat out her 30th Class reunion (they didnt like me then, know they wont like me now! LOL) It is hard enough just to get through each day let alone have it all scheduled out. Just know that you are amazing and that there are some of us who understand that Shit Happens and That for now, it’s OK.
    Smooches.

    PS My Beyonce says Fuck Yes! (She is staring at me as I type- LOVE HER!!) Mostly, love you Jenny for just being you.

  106. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, or what I want. My 5 year plan starts with me dropping my dog off to get groomed tomorrow at noon, and I haven’t planned beyond that. But, I do have a pretty firm grasp of who I am. I get a sense you do, too. Anyone with a kick ass dollhouse like yours must. I also think in order to have a self-deprecating sense of humor, you also need that quality, so you line up there as well. 1 out of 3 ain’t bad.

  107. 5 yr. plan, my nana’s ass! i am incapable of planning even 5 hrs. ahead! to me, it’s pointless, because i know some silly bullshit is going to come along and fuck my plans in the ear. i have lived my whole life flying by the seat of my pants (laughing like i need medication, or shrieking like i need meds). que ser-fucking ra, y’all! at least life is never boring. and as far as figuring out who i am and what i want? oh, holy jesus, do i never want to explore my own brain. that way leads to special ‘hugging myself’ jackets. screw it. ignorance is bliss!

  108. Dear Jenny,

    What your shrink hasn’t told you is that some people are so incredibly fucking zen that they don’t need a five-year plan. The universe throws them curve-balls and sometimes even points a boom stick at them sometimes and they seem to make it regardless.

    I guess my point is there isn’t a five-year plan to prepare you some omnipotent jimmy-kicking(I am so going to use that phrase again somewhere else tonight). You’re smart, inspiring, incredibly entertaining, you have a loving family and an army of loyal wild animals. The universe (and most likely your shrink) is just plain jealous.

    love at ya!

    -Tony

  109. Well, now that my asshole husband left me (one week ago today), I HAVE to have a 5 year plan because I have no job, no money, and two children to look after. Great fucking situation to find myself in. All of this happened because he’s been cheating on me for the past 10 months behind my back. Bastard. And the worst part is that he’s just going to keep on doing the same bullshit things over and over and over again. I really hate men. Any chance you want to write about why men totally suck and should all be put on a deserted island somewhere to live as a whole colony of stupid man whore idiots… I think I’ll make a movie about it.

  110. My whole problem, I’ve decided, is that I just don’t want to grow up. I still have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. What if I want to do a lot of different things?
    Why do people want you to make goals and plans? Why can’t we just float around with whimsey and amazement, and just live? It’s very frustrating.

  111. Hey lady. Funny post again. Lots of people feel this way. I am a fan of trying to be organized now, but it wasn’t always so. Also still far from
    Having my shit together.

  112. I had a 5 yr plan and then cancer happened, and happened again to someone I loved and now alzheimer’s to his spouse ( my grandparents.) My five yr plans now consist of getting out of bed most days, doing what I have to do everyday and not killing anyone (some days that is pretty tough, cause I have some really stupid people around me.)

  113. The only people with 5 year plans are kids who haven’t yet realized that a 5 year plan is crap. Plan away kiddos, it’s never going to go the way you think. Life doesn’t follow a 5 year plan.

  114. I don’t do five year plans. Stalin did five year plans and look how that worked out for him. I mean, if you ignore the advancing the Soviet Union industrially. I’m not trying to help out any sprawling nations with their economies or industrialisation. I can’t even find socks in the morning.

  115. Hey, someone (you) PLANNED a red dress and had it made so that someone (YOU) could inspire others. That might not be a 5 year plan, but it is the most important kind of plan!!! So get over it, you planning fool.

  116. You are definitely not alone. I am making shit up as i go, every day of my life. Married, mom of a 3 year old, full time job, no freaking idea what i’m doing 75% of the time.

  117. I’m pretty sure have a 5 year plan, but I couldn’t tell you what it was. Ask me again in 5 years. And I have a sneaking suspicion that if I ever figured out who I was, I’d disappear in a puff of pissed off smoke.

  118. When the drugs I was taking made me so tired that I was almost passing out at work, I asked my shrink what I should do. She told me I should start taking naps on my desk. I think she’s crazier than I am.

    And no, I have no idea what I’m doing and every time I plan to do something that has long term implications, it gets screwed up, which makes me believe that the world is telling me that I’m better off with no plan whatsoever.

  119. Hey listen. Friend in the universe. I wouldn’t respond because you probably won’t see this, but maybe you’re just as neurotic as me and you will read EVERYTHING.

    I know you’re a bit older than me (I’m 27), but I have never had a plan. Like, ever. I tried to go into elementary education in college because it was “safe” and “stable” . . . but it was also bullshit. I don’t need to be taught how to teach kids to draw with crayons. So I went the ME route. I got a degree in theatre performance. Yes, the loans are eating me inside out, yes, it was a whimsical choice, yes, it’s highly unlikely that I would ever succeed with it as I have bipolar disorder, but damn it, it was my choice.

    I’ve been feeling my way about ever since. I still don’t have a plan. But the pieces all seem to fall into place when I need them too. After college I got involved with non-profit animal welfare, and now think that it might be a viable career choice (albeit meager). My boyfriend (now husband) has always been my rock, my bread-bringer-homer, and my reason. And I am, for the first time, acting “professionally.” Someone’s paying me for that shit. And damn it, that makes it a good day to be me.

    So I say – you don’t need a plan. Because not having one is a PLAN TOO.

    (This was pretty liberating to type. Thanks for the prompt.)

  120. I love it when people want to talk about 5 year and 10 year plans. How boring! I want to grow up in the next 5 years, just like I did in the last 5….fail!

  121. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU NEED A 5 YEAR PLAN FOR? Maybe if you were just coming out of prison it would be appropriate to think about the future that far in advance. My husband just said it’s what ‘real’ grown-ups do… fuck that yo!

  122. When I was little (2nd or 3rd grade) we had to write this “Someday” book, it was about what we were going to be/do when we grew up. My entry was all about how when I grew up I was going to win the Lotto. So I am still waiting to have to grow up!! :o)

  123. I always think I know what I’m going to do, then I change my mind. But I’m so SURE for a while! According to your logic, I need therapy more than you, since the overall trend indicates I’m pretty unstable.

  124. I just keep reminding myself that I might die tomorrow, or maybe the day after that or next month or next year… but here’s the thing. I AM going to die! I have no allusion whatsoever that anything I have done will be talked about in 400 years either. Seriously. How many people can you name (without Google’s help) from 1611? A dozen? Maybe? Shakespeare, uhmmm… that’s all I got. Me? In 400 Years? So why sweat the shit? None of this is going to matter in 400 years so make all the 5 year plans you want. Christ, I am perpetually amazed that I, at 48, have a tiny bachelor apartment and something to eat each day and I can see the doctor when I need too (I am in Canada). Everything I have ever done that was unplanned and seemingly random has been awesome. Everything I worked for and planned to death was always, ALWAYS, horrible.
    Life is meant to be lived… you know, like that John Lennon thing about making plans and life happening anyway.
    Jenny you rock! Love ya!!

  125. you’re not alone. i have been in school for ten thousand years and changed my major forty seven times. it’s okay. currently i am on track to become an english teacher. you can worry later that i will be educating your children. in english. the one who is not using capital letters because i’m sucky at typing on the laptop on the couch in the dark with my cat while eating cheese. i cannot be bothered to hit shift. fuck it.

  126. Fuck 5-year plans and fuck the people who tell you you need one. Except the 5-year plan you decided you didn’t need and so are on track with that 5-year plan. Now I’m confused. You shouldn’t be though. You are perfect in every way and have eleventy-billion readers to prove it. Not sure the perfect haunted doll house would come from a 5-year plan, or Beyonce, or Wil Wheaton collating. So – keep calm and carry on.

    PS: Make sure to renew the xanax prescription as I’ve found it helps immeasurably with the no-5-year-plan blues! xoxo

  127. Have you ever started a slow clap in a completely quiet auditorium? It’s kind of fucking awesome. I highly recommend it.

  128. I actually had a plan to find a shrink at one point. I’m pretty neurotic and absolutely convinced that I have an undiagnosed case of ADD. Or maybe ADHD. One of those. But then I got distracted and never got back to that plan. I’m just glad that my company automatically signed me up for a 401k somewhere in the benefits process or I’d probably end up living in a cardboard box in my old age. Wait, what were we talking about again?

  129. I definitely not do have a 5 year plan, mostly because whenever I have ever tried to make ANY sort of a plan from what I would like in life, or for dinner …..gets ruined and falls to shit in seconds!
    I think most people realize, plans do not work!
    Being in the medical field, I have seen how a 5 year, 5 month, 5 minute plan can get knocked down and destroyed in seconds.
    There are no plans in REAL life.
    I agree, Normal is a setting on a washing machine, that’s i!””
    Live your life as you want….. and have fun!!!

    Purple Stinky Onion
    (PSO)

  130. The only image that comes to mind when reading about “Dr Q” is that of Dr. Quinn, medicine woman. Dr Quinn as a shrink would certainly inspire a five year plan ( one that culminates in finding a new shrink).

    Although there are those of us (special folks) that experience the gut wrenching propagation of anxiety when _plans_ are discussed. The tools that exist to quell the anxiety simply make it worse sometimes. .It feels a little like wearing lead flippers and playing waterpolo with zombies every time i’m asked to make these plans. But I digress.

    The Point: Sometimes five minute plans are all you need (That’s plenty of time to plan the next boozeslushie, right?)

  131. I love you. And your readers. If there are this many of us, why don’t we take over the world? Yeah, let’s do that in, um, about 5 years?

  132. Once when I told me former shrink that I didn’t feel I could trust my husband anymore, she told me, “Yes, you do. You trust him 100%!” That was the day I decided that she needed a seminar on listening skills and I didn’t need to see her anymore.

  133. That’s why I love nursing…because it’s sooo unpredictable. I love going to work not knowing exactly what I’ll be dealing with. Somedays I like whats handed to me and others make me want to run away crying to the nearest supply closet

  134. Your five year plan should be to add a “clean” button to your blog that cleans up all the bad language. Only it should automatically detect young eyes staring in it’s direction, but since I don’t have a camera, maybe something that subliminally orders me to press the button with vampire-like reflexes a nanosecond after the hairs on the back of my neck detect the presences of young ones….Like you, I have a reading 6 year old. I barely clicked open your blog and he’s at my shoulder reading “Shit I did….”
    Great. ANOTHER discussion about how all words related to poo-poo should not be repeated at school.

  135. My shrink usually spends our hour laughing at me while I try to balance on a fucking yoga ball while simultaneously following her neon sharpie with my eyes and talking about thunderstorms.

    Apparently this shit is rerouting my synaptic pathways .

    Methinks this shit is purely for her own sadistic entertainment .

    So obviously my five year plan includes becoming a shrink.

  136. I never understood how people knew what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives from the time they’re in high school. I keep wanting to go back to get a degree but can’t even decide what the hell to major in. Anymore, with the economy the way it is, I think everyone on here is right… Most of those people with plans and ‘normal’ lives have found themselves in a state of shock now that ‘real’ jobs hardly exist. Those of us who never had our shit together on the other hand, are still sittin fat and happy with our unstable routines still intact! Haha suckers!!! Who’s sorry now! #unstableprocrastinatorswinatlast

  137. What the hell? Are you miserable about being who you are and being a hugely successfull writer? Just because you don’t follow the beaten path it doesn’t mean you have to change anything? Unless you’re actually miserable about the situation? Seems to me you’ve got yourself better figured out than most people, why would you need to change ? Why? WHY???????????? (sorry I got a bit carried away towards the end…)

  138. Your plan is awesome and I think I love you. So what am I so afraid of? I’m afraid that I’m not sure of a love there is no cure for…. No. Wait. What? That’s not right.
    My 5 year plan sounds much like yours but also includes
    1: Dodging doctors appointments
    2: Having a Bonfire Party on Guy Fawkes day
    3: Convincing my husbands boss that he has a stalker
    4: Glueing glitter to anything that stands still long enough

  139. I’m gonna guess that you don’t spend a lot of time with your shrink…and when you say shrink you are talking about a psychiatrist rather than a therapist (yes, I’m a therapist and I get a little prickly when people call me Doc or Shrink). From the time I have spent reading your posts I know that telling you to plan shit out is the wrong approach. Managing anxiety (for a lot of people) is about finding the ways we create it within ourselves through our thoughts and interpretations, then challenging the shit out of that thinking. Rinse and repeat. With support. From someone who GETS you. Who is probably not the person writing the prescriptions, because who can afford to spend an hour a week with a (for real) shrink? So maybe don’t fire your shrink…because Xanax is AWESOME…but hire a therapist.
    You are incredibly super brilliantly fantastic. Doesn’t mean that it all doesn’t get to be too much sometimes.

  140. You know, my theory on what happens to those who plan too much involves failure. Why do I want to make a list of 10 things that need to be done, knowing that I’m not getting to all of them, half of them, and most times NONE of them. Me making any kind of long-term plans, or even some short-term ones, all makes me feel like a failure when they don’t get done. Are they filled with lofty expectations of things to accomplish? 90% of the time NO THEY ARE NOT. But when the damned list still isn’t completed at the end of the day, I do not appreciate the loser-scumbag feeling that I get.

    How about “I plan to not make myself feel like a lazy, inadequate, loser scumbag” and screw the lists and goals.

  141. I’m sitting here thinking about all the crap that happened in the past five years without me planning any of it. What’s the point of that five-year-plan thing again???

  142. My shrink used pull that kind of crap and it just made me more crazy, so I got her to up my Klonopin dosage and then secretly hoarded enough to last me a year and told her I was magically cured (for now). I’m way happier now, so I’m pretty sure the unfettered use of benzopines is probably the cure for all neurosis, and they just don’t want us to know that. Fucking doctors.

  143. When we took the “What You Should Be When You Grow Up” test in high school, mine came back with ONE fucking result: FBI Agent.

    What the What.

    I’ve done way too many drugs for that shit.

  144. If you were obsessed about order and planning, the shrink would be telling you to loosen up and add spontaneity into your life. The shrink? Is there to help people find some sort of normalcy, and for most people normalcy is being a fairly average human being.

    Don’t you DARE be average. You have your own normalcy, and it works for you, and it seems to me from your post that you also know deep down that it works for you.

    If, every now and then, you feel off balance because you aren’t fairly average or someone tells you you’re supposed to be fairly average, please pull out one of the Beyoncé cards that says “Knock knock, motherfucker.” and remember that you make thousands of people laugh regularly and give them a lift when they need it. <3

  145. I’ve spent my whole life trying to do the right thing, which, to my family meant the White thing, and here I am, 37, hating the people I work with, wishing I had actually done more writing, less talking, more loving, less angrying, more listening and much.less.talking. I wish I had cared less about the future and more about myself. I am the weirdest person I know and I read your blog because you make me feel normal. So what’s the big fucking deal with having a plan? I have completed my plan and I’m still fucking lost. Your psychiatrist is psycho if she thinks plans amount to shit. Most people’s don’t…they fall apart so why *not* do what matters instead of what’s on the plan? But I swear I’m not bitter.

  146. YOU INSPIRE ME! Seriously…Jenny you are awesome! I’m glad you don’t have a 5 year plan! I’m thankful if I can make it through one day without hurting myself or flashing someone accidentally, but I don’t plan on putting that on a 5 year plan…because I’d be setting myself up for failure. I think it’s better to be plan-less and surprise yourself!

  147. You are not alone! Seriously, I fell in love young, we had a family several years later but still very young (early 20’s), made the decision one of us would be at home with those kids and that person would be me, and now a decade and a half into that, we still feel like we’re not “established”. We own our house, and our vehicles, and our offspring certainly have all they ever need and some extras too. Retirement is a scary subject though, and things like Disney cruises and tropical vacations and sizable savings of any kind are in the never gonna happen category. We really don’t have a big plan, but what we’re doing is working for all of us very nicely, and having yummy, healthy meals on the table every day and arriving to piano/guitar/gymnastics/karate/ballet on time is enough to plan ahead in enough detail to accomplish. I guess I assume we can figure that next part out once this part is over, and it feels like the day the kids are grown and gone will be like next Tuesday. I’ll be 45 when the baby graduates, what the hell will I do with the next 30 years? See, loads of time then to do all that other stuff 🙂 That’s my grand plan!

  148. Christ, Jenny, I am on the other side of all of this whole “adulthood” thing, with four grown children ,and never had a plan. Life happens with or without one so try to just enjoy what you can.

    On a serious note, I also have anxiety disorder and I am pretty sure that having my life better planned would probably have helped me be less anxious, but the thing is? That’s just not what or who I am so what helped was learning to just accept me. Once I learned how to love me who has no fucking plan (and how to forgive myself for everything) I realized I am a pretty happy camper; anxiety and all.

  149. This is on my signature line for my email:
    Working on my 5 year plan… just need to choose a font.

    And I tell you, choosing a font is hard work!

  150. You’re kidding right?

    A 5-year plan? I tell you what. I’ll think about thinking about a 5-year plan the day I complete a 5-minute plan.

    Put a friggin’ bird on it.

  151. Five year plans have a way of attracting the attention of God so that he can laugh at them. There’s nothing wrong with having a direction or even being motivated towards a goal, but it’s a big mistake to miss LIFE while you’re waiting to arrive somewhere. It’s the difference between taking a trip in an enclosed panel van on an interstate with the only food and bathroom breaks, and then only at McDonald’s (because they’re all quick, efficient, clean and have the same menu) and taking a trip in a ’72 Chevy Caprice convertible, sticking only to back roads, stopping everywhere that looks interesting, eating at quirky local places and enjoying the ride. The folks in the van may get there faster, but the ones in the convertible are going to have a better time!

  152. Hmmm, well any time I TRY to plan, Murphy comes along and totally shits up my plans. For example, this year I planned on improving or adding to the stuff I raise here on the “farmette” however, the local Predator Convention had other plans for me.

    I also planned on putting up an electric fence, instead I got to spend money on medical bills because Surprise! I’m NOT in early menopause, but pregnant at 41 (My son is 17.) So pretty much anything I planned for this year, right out the window! Five year plan my ass!

    Sometimes you wonder how you got where you are, but thats okay, You’re right where you are supposed to be!

  153. …of course, if the purpose of the trip is to get to the emergency room before you bleed to death, you might want to pick the folks in the van.

    My metaphors suck.

  154. Ok, so I’m one of those “grown-ups” with a career and a 401K and whatnot. But the best things that have ever happened to me were ill-conceived and poorly executed. Random vacation plan = best vacation of my life. Getting huffy with my landlord and just deciding to move out = owning a rather valuable home (despite 2 years of living through “transition” in the neighborhood). Happening upon a spectacularly priced foreclosure and deciding to invest my life savings in it = valuable rental property. Deciding to email about a different position that happened to be open at work, despite reservations about whether I would enjoy it or could even hack it = gratifying job that has provided me with skills that I’ve been recruited for by big-name companies (I’ll eventually break down and accept one of these offers, and I’m sure that will be awesome, too). Nothing ever *really* works out as planned, so might as well wing it. It’s harder to roll with the flow if you have a plan, anyway.

  155. A five year plan? Is that for the future? I am not even sure I can figure out all that has happened the past 5 years, never mind the next 5!

    Socks? They are supposed to match? Aaannnd I’m supposed to wear them? Together? At the same time?

    Perhaps the shrink is jealous of the success and awesomeness that you are!

  156. You seem to be doing fine to me. I believe that the people who have a plan are just showing off, lying, or trying to impress people who are brave enough to admit that they don’t have a plan. They don’t know what they’re doing either, because we all know that plans don’t count for poop.
    Like, right now, I had planned to be articulate, but my cat is puking in the kitchen, so my mind has left to wonder “OMG! WHERE will it be?” and instead of being articulate, I’m babbling about cat puke.

  157. I’m writing your 5 year plan for you:

    Year One: Get on plane with taxidermied mouse. Continue to raise happy child. Finish writing book. Drop therapist. Get new therapist, a male one or nice lesbian. Wear low cut tops to therapy. Become best friends with Heidi Ferrer or at least accept her friend request on Facebook 🙂

    Year Two: Publish book to great acclaim. Continue to raise happy child and husband. Travel world promoting book. Blog goes through the roof. Send Heidi Ferrer red dress and taxidermied mouse and or/Copernicus.

    Year Three: Have movie made of your life starring Mindy Kaling. Continue to raise happy child and renew vows with husband in Paris or Florence. Publish second book and picture book of finished Haunted Dollhouse.

    Pity Heidi as she has been stranglehuggled by Copernicus. Welcome him back home with loving arms.

    Year Four: Make movie about Copernicus, co-written by you and Mindy Kaling. Become a lab scientist and cure Slug Zombieism.

    World rejoices. Continue to raise happy child. Publish books four and five.

    Year Five: Twart Zombie Apocalypse. Become President. Kill bad people. Find out Copie had love child. Adopt half monkey/human hybrid and cure cat cancer.

    Live happily ever after.

    The End.

  158. Pinned to my corkboard:
    “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” George Bernard Shaw
    “You don’t need anybody to tell you who your are or what you are. You are what you are!” John Lennon
    “There is no such thing as a weird human being. It’s just that some people require more understanding then others.” Tom Robbins

    Keep on keepin’ on!

  159. Hmmm… Sorry about your existential crisis. You made me laugh, though, and that’s something. Because the laughter of complete strangers is TOTALLY worth a personal crisis. ab-so-fucking-lutely. (And screw the psychiatrist. Dr. Q is telling his/her therapist that s/he wishes s/he were as well-grounded as you. Because you are a beautiful and special flower. Yeah, that.)

  160. You’re already there, kid. You are doing it right. Whatever it is. If you need or want to be in a different place, you’ll get there when you’re supposed to. *sigh* I seriously wish I had some fun, quirky, clever way of saying that.

  161. Now, I could be paraphrasing this incorrectly, as I am a fairly new reader (did go back and read every single post from F-word to (well, Ha-what-a-coincidence-that-this-blog did it, too) F-word), but it seems like your most recent five-year-plan involved pushing a book out of your vagina. So, unless your little lady friend fell of without your noticing, I’d say you’re right on track…

  162. Fuck plans. Ten years ago I’d planned on having a career as a librarian. That was my goal. Somebody else’s plan took me to the country and turned me into a farmer and a factory worker. Ten years later I’m in a city again and back to square-fucking-one trying to put my life back together. Fuck planning.

  163. I’ve had a big issue with time for my entire life. Does anyone *really* know what the fuck is going on? I sure don’t. I wouldn’t really want it any other way…

  164. tell her you secretly have become a zen master, you just keep going to her because you think she needs the money.

  165. 5 year plan?! At most I could possibly string together a 5 hour plan that perhaps, if the stars and the moon are aligned and my panties are not too tight, I might be able to remember for all of 5 minutes.

  166. Oh Holy Christ(tm)….the best people I know have no plan….and we’re past the due date of having such ideas….never let it get you down. We will be fine and overcome….

  167. Plans are for neurotic control freaks. Or so I’ve heard… *side eye*

    P.S. Tried to Stumble your post, and Stumble Upon informed me that it’s an asshole and removed your site? “This website is not available for StumbleUpon members to rate or review

    From time to time, we may remove sites from our database for a variety of reasons. For more information, please consult our [Help Center]. ”

    #stumbleuponisbullshit

  168. We’re all just making it up as we go. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying and clearly in need of more therapy than you. ” Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans” – unless you’re out relishing all its many wonders.

  169. Your post and questions came eerily in time because I have been working on a big deal performance review at work due tomorrow and I hate hate hate doing that because it forces me to come to terms with the brutal reality that is my existence: pointless and aimless and impactless. First of all, I just want to make sure: are you sure your shrink is an actual shrink and is not one of those motivational speakers aka life coaches? And does she read Chris brogan’s blog religiously? Because that could well explain why she told you that crock of shit… (Sorry if there are any CB fans here… I am going to assume that his fans are not as scary as the fans of very well-know female blogger who shall not be named here lest I get you into trouble…) I have been grappling with this question: Who I am? since high school (that’s my earliest recollection) and it has induced a lot of angst and crazy stuff. It also caused me to carry around Hermann Hesse’s Demian around (I am embarrassed by younger self, I apologize) But here is the first thing I read in that book:
    I wanted only to try to live my life in accord with the promptings which came from my true self.
    Why was that so very difficult?
    So you cannot really blame the younger me for being so drawn to that book…

  170. Meh. I had a five year plan, it went well. But then the five years was up and I had to make another one. Two years in I chucked it out the window and have never been happier. Do what makes you happy – and how awesome is it that what you do makes others happy too!

  171. ok I thought of a five your plan
    In 5 years I plan to have a hot, young, half-my-age boytoy. Hubby says he is A-ok with it as long as said hot, young, half-my-age BoyToy does yard work, fixes vehicles, climbs the roof to clean the gutters, cuts the years supply of wood and lets him retire early. Hell I know he will settle for him just climbing the roof to clean the gutters so whoo hoo! Can’t wait!!!!

  172. Clearly Dr. Q does not realize she’s advising Jenny Lawson, The motherfucking Bloggess. You’re kind of a big deal.

  173. Last time someone asked me the five-year plan question, the real answer was: I hope that this job will be fulfilling enough not to fall asleep while doing it, but not so hard as to keep me away from my kids at nights. And whatever it is I really hope will happen in five years has so little to do with my career goals or this job. But, obviously, that wasn’t what I said. Well, i wanted the job.

  174. The most eff’d up people I know are the ones who have the most detailed plans, because every time their plan gets eff’d…or eff’s itself…or they get eff’d…or eff themselves…they get to spend God knows how many hours in mental and emotional turmoil trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of the aforementioned effing, so they can convince themselves of precisely what happened and that they know how to keep it from happening again.

    Until something new comes along they did not expect, etc., ad nauseum…

    Life is a wheel, and squares don’t roll…or cubes for that matter.

    And the triangles and pyramids of the world are just plain f***ed.

  175. I’ll be 52 soon, and my whole life has been like that. I’ve never had any idea where I was going. In job interviews, when I was asked “Where do you see yourself five years from now?”, I would try my best to suppress the deer-in-the-headlights facial expression, and would just make something up. Five years? I don’t know what I’ll be doing in ONE year. I never have.

    When I look back on my life so far, it doesn’t really make any particular kind of sense. I’ve just done what seemed like the best idea at the time. A lot of my decisions were mistakes, and much of my life has been spent pursuing things that turned out not to be worthwhile. But I had no way of knowing that beforehand. I’ve known people who seemed to have a plan for their lives and knew what their long-term goal was, but I’ve never understood how they knew those things. Perhaps this was covered in school on one of the days when I was out sick. Maybe they handed out Life Plans and Long-Term Goals to everyone, and I missed it. That would explain a lot.

    I think Slartibartfast summed it up very well in “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” He said: “Perhaps I’m old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is say ‘hang the sense of it’ and just keep yourself occupied.” That’s what I try to do.

  176. OK, so THAT’s where I’m fucking up… I’ve actually been making the 5-year plans and missing every mark. I totally like your way better. Except, wait, then I’d probably not be me if my life wasn’t filled with plans and to do’s.

    Fuck. Now see what you’ve done?

    Note to self: Add ‘find a shrink’ to the to do list. Oh and bitch slap Jenny for fucking with my head.

  177. what it boils down to is…we are the new normal! My five-year plan, all written down in my mind so there is no proof, is just a bunch of “don’t do THAT again.”

  178. My plan has always been, essentially, “Do stuff. Try not to get killed or thrown in jail because of it.” Also, I fired my shrink because, after $600, all we had accomplished was “you seem to have some rage. I think it might come from your family.”

    Also also, I’m pretty sure I have a severe case of impostor syndrome. I never know what the fuck I’m doing.

  179. Clap . . . . Clap . . . . Clap.

    As usual, I’m constantly inspired by you. Aside from living furiously happy, I am a major control freak and I need to learn to just let go and live life as it happens.

    (But maybe pay the bills on time).

  180. I think we’re all so entrenched in therapy that we actually know too much about who we are. Have you ever stopped to think about why we’re really here? I mean really, really here? To procreate? To develop technology? To just die out as a species and see what happens next? Effing scary.

  181. Here is how the older me see it: the problem is most people still subscribe to this idea of a true self, the essence that is that true you, to be discovered (the idea started way back from Plato and so yeah I guess people had to buy into it…) it is somehow our job, as we grow, to discover what that essence, , that core, our true self is. But what if there is no core? What if we are more like onions? That we are made up of each layer? So if you still believe in finding that core, you are doomed: as you peel away each layer of the onion, you are like, FUCK! There is another door behind this door! But if we shift the paradigm of how “selves” are defined, then every single layer is YOU. The real you. Everything you do, everything you say, every decision you make, every breath you take (ok, scratch this last one) is what makes you you.
    To steal Sartre’s famous line: “Existence precedes essence” i.e. your essence, who you are, is defined by how you live your life, actions you take, etc etc. As an extension, imo, this means one’s true self is constantly changing, because our actions are constantly changing.
    Before I end this rambling, I just want to quote e.e.cummings (because I am not pretentious enough yet!):
    “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

  182. I had a shrink tell me I needed a 5-year-plan about 10 years ago. Now, first, I was in fucking college. My idea of goals back then was figuring out where I was getting loaded that weekend without 1) paying for it and 2) waking up in some stranger’s place (or on the sidewalk…not sure which would be worse, ya know?). Anyway, I made that plan. The therapists-of-the-month were proud of me as I checked things off. Where did that all get me? 8 months pregnant at my wedding, $80,000 in debt from student loans, bankrupt at 30…. wait, wait, there’s point here. That plan got me fucking nowhere. Plans don’t keep life from screwing it all up. Plans don’t create the moments that ACTUALLY make you happy, the ones you look back on and smile over. So I’ve learned not to make plans and just go with the flow.

    That, and shrinks are the most financially secure assholes ever.

  183. AND finally, I have to share this NPR episode with you wrt mental illnesses. In his new book “A First Rate Madness: Uncovering the Links Between Leadership and Mental Illness, Dr. Nassir Ghaemi argues that “leaders with some mental illnesses, particularly mania or depression, are often better in times of crisis.” And read this! “Creativity and resilience is higher in people with mania and realism and empathy is higher in people with depression compared to normal subjects,” he says. “The problem often with mentally healthy, average leaders is — even though they’re not weak in the sense of not having any of these qualities — they often don’t have enough to meet the very high demands of crises.” See?!

    http://www.npr.org/2011/08/20/139681339/madness-and-leadership-hand-in-hand

  184. I’m on the same plan! Sure, I have a general idea of what I want to be when I grow up…but I have a feeling my oldest is closer to being grown up than I am. I think that’s how creative minds function best. Sure, I don’t have a 401k…I mean a 4.01k…oops market dropped again… a 0.401k plan, but I’m doing alright. I sometimes…just sometimes…even have matching, clean socks. 😉

    At least I don’t hate my life as much as some of my peers who go to work, hate their jobs and drink themselves stupid every night so they can do it again the next day.

  185. Worst interview question I ever got: “where do you see yourself in five years?” Man, that was one of my real deer-in-headlights moments. uhhhhhhhhh …. working? for you? I don’t think it was even for a particularly high-paying job. dumbass.

  186. I’d call bullshit on anyone who actually plans out their life, then successfully follows it. Most of us just fall into things. That’s how we go through life. We essentially stumble our way through it.

  187. I am right there with you.

    This time last year I quit my hated (but relatively high paying) corporate job and found an amazing job that I love (working with dogs all day) that pays approximately 1 cent an hour but that gives me time to do the things I love to do (write, make art, etc). A few months ago my husband decided that he lost respect for me when I started making less money (after 16 years together THAT’S all it took to lose respect for me???) so he cheated on me, I busted him, sold the house, took the dog and the cat and moved into a super cute apartment that I can only afford thanks to the proceeds from the house sale. What am I going to do when that money runs out? Fucked if I know. But right now, despite the heartbreak, I am doing awesomely well. My animals are happy and healthy, I show up at work every day and have 30 dogs greet me like I am their favorite person in the whole world and I have money in the bank for the first time in my life.

    Would my five year plan have covered even one second of all that? No way in hell. But I am rocking the shit out of a situation I never would have chosen for myself. I am about to turn 35 and am starting basically from scratch so if I can come out of all of this on top then I can do anything. Screw the planning. My 5 year “plan” is to continue to rock the hell out of my life, even if I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going at any given moment.

  188. If you’re all wrong, Jenny, I don’t wanna be right. People who have got it all figured out – who *think* that they know what they are doing – scare the bejeezus out of me. (And that applies exponentially to shrinks who project their ‘unfinished business’ under the guise of therapeutic advice…)

  189. It’s not like any other species needs a five year plan to survive…do you see a field mouse discussing it’s future with the mummy fieldmouse before being allowed to leave the nest? Or a mother bird explaining where she’d like to see her baby birds in 5 years time, you can imagine the conversation i hope:

    Mummy bird: okay li’l ‘un’s, here’s the 5 year plan. I want you to fly from here and find a decent place to set up home, protected but pretty…make sure it comes with a nice view (you’ve got to consider these things). Then when you’re settled, you know the area and the neighbours you can think about finding the right partner…

    Boy Baby Bird (let’s call him Harry): but Muuummmm…

    MB: now Harry ssssh, you’re father will deal with all your questions…let me finish… Anyway, where was I? Oooh yes, find a decent partner, one that will share with you your dreams for the future! Then once you’ve got a happy home you need to start having children!

    DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY PLAN THIS? NO!!!!!!! And it goes great…most of the time…bar the falling to their deaths thing, getting eaten by cats (who hopefully don’t have cancer -because then I’d pity the cat more than the bird!) or getting a cuckoo…who we all know are lazy sods!

    So to help you overcome this feeling of inadequacy…I’m going to pass on a quote that has helped me over the years…

    “Alright, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade – make life take the lemons back! Get mad! “I don’t want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these?” Demand to see life’s manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I’m going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

    You don’t need a five year anything when this quote leads your life…you may however need a good lawyer!

  190. Okay so I’m sure you don’t read you’re hundreds of thousands of love comments but I felt compelled write something (liquid courage is amazing). I started reading about the same time as everyone else, when you posted the “pick you’re battles” story. My mom sent it to me. It reminded her of her sister, my aunt as in its totally something they would do. Oh, and I forgot to mention, apparently I am the reincarnate of my aunt. Yea that may be a little creepy but I apparently look and act like she did before she passed away. Oh yea, did I mention that i’m 30 years old and I’m totally freaked out by the fact that I actually own furniture. I’m more of a 5 minute plan person than a 5 year plan person. Well anyways, in my line of work, you help us remember that going out and buying the most random obnoxious most awesome lawn sculpture is okay (yup… I bought 3, 3 foot peacocks… 1 for my mom, 1 for me, and 1 for my mom when I realized the first one wouldn’t fit in my luggage to fly home with…). Plus, NORMAL IS BORING!

  191. Ahem, I believe your five year plan is to continue blogging because the internet would be a very empty place without you. Besides Stalin had lots of 5 year plans and he managed to murder off half of the largest (then) population on Earth and stagnate an economy like no bodies business. Let that be a lesson to you.

    I stopped making plans, although I had a goal once. Well it became a goal rather quickly, like within a few hours of realizing that Blogher was in town. Anyhow, to was to meet you at Blogher. And I did it. There were even puppies. And you offered me xanax. SAnd I met two awesome chicks who encouraged me and made me feel like less of a stalker for the whole thing. So, basically you made my life and I don’t need any other goals. I mean that one turned out so well why screw it up?

  192. Amen! Thank you for being so honest. It truly does make me feel like I’m not alone with my completely scattered, hummingbird-like brain.

  193. Hello Jenny, as I’ve barely slept and seemingly have a problem with my right eye which is consequently impairing my sight and brain function, I just can’t compete with the funny commenters, so I thought I’d post my favourite poem instead. Whilst reading your post, some of the words from this poem came to mind. I don’t think anyone ever has it all figured out:

    After a while you learn the subtle difference between
    holding a hand and chaining a soul,
    And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and
    company doesn’t mean security,

    And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
    and presents aren’t promises,

    And you begin to accept your defeats with your head
    up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult,
    not the grief of a child,

    And you learn to build all your roads on today
    because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.

    After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if
    you get too much.

    So plant your own garden and decorate your own
    soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring your
    flowers.

    And you learn that you really can endure…

    That you really are strong,

    And you really do have worth.

    ~Veronica Shoffstall

  194. Oh dear. I think I just realized that my five year plan is to be awesome at writing a gaming blog, for which I still game obsessively. Does that make me a complete loser, or does my having a five year plan offset that a little? Does it help if I wiped the cheeto dust off my fingers before typing this time?

  195. I had the one year, five year, and ten year plan. I had the 401(k). My life became rigid and uninteresting. I became rigid and uninteresting. I realized I wasn’t what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wasn’t even close. Now I think the only reason to have a plan is so that you can abandon it when you realize it sucks and feel a sort of liberating glee about being flexible enough to do that. Now I eat peanut butter out of the jar and work on a graduate degree in a subject I would never have considered twenty years ago. And life is pretty damn good. So, you know… tell Dr. Q trying to plan out large expanses of time before you know who you’ll be when you there is for the anal retentive fucktards among us.

  196. So, Jenny, does this mean you won’t be going on the lecture circuit to teach personal management? Nuts!

    Actually, it’s okay because I happen to know where I am, where I want to go, and how I’m going to get there, with my path carefully plotted out at least 5 years ahead. Did I say years? I meant minutes. Tomato, to-MAH-to.

    Every time I stop and evaluate my progress in life, I find stuff is turning out so differently from how it was supposed to, I have to rewrite my whole deal (which isn’t literally written down, thankfully). This is how I save face… you know, pretending I did THIS on purpose. I meant to be RIGHT HERE at this point in my life. Everything’s going according to plan, because I’ve adjusted the plan to match reality.

    I’d worry that others are noticing and laughing inside, but I’m sure they’re all just as confused, and too busy rewriting their deals and trying to save their own face.

  197. I don’t feel so bad now. Someone once asked me where I wanted to be in 5 years and all I could say was “happy”. I think it’s a pretty damn good answer now.

  198. hell to the yeah. going through something similar, though not shrink-induced. but then i was all “wait a fucking minute, i know who i am and i’m totally fucking awesome”. i’ll just continue going from crash site to crash site. if i don’t land on my feet, that’s okay.

    oh shit. this sounds like the beginning of that Chumbawumba song.

  199. I had a twelve year plan at one point. All through my teenage years and early twenties I had this plan. It was supposed to end in me living a fantastic, wealthy life as a famous classically trained musician with fabulous, artsy people around me at all times. And I worked and worked and worked and stayed on track and you know what happened? I fell. Flat on my face. Yards before the finish line. So now, my plan happens one day at a time. I take the opportunities as they come to me, I dabble in a lot of different things, I procrastinate, I spend some days writing and creating and playing music and other days on the couch with the cats watching horror movies where people get eaten by sharks and other wildlife. I have an office job. I’m poor. And most important, I’m surrounded by fabulous, artsy, intelligent, hilarious, twisted people who challenge and fulfill my life more than anyone I would have met if I had stuck with that twelve year plan.

    So fuck that advice. Some ridiculous timeline doesn’t define who you are. The way you live your day to day life and interact with the people around you defines who you are. And good for those people walking the well trodden path with their noses stuck in a five year plan. While they do that, I’ll be over here playing in the mud with my friends, laughing hysterically at sick jokes and generally enjoying how awesome this all is.

    And as far as who you are? No one can define that. All I can say is that I’ve laughed hard enough reading some of the things you’ve written here to actually worry about whether I’m going to pee in my desk chair or whether the people with the white jackets are actually going to come take me away this time. And I’ve cried and been inspired and generally found through your writings that there is someone else who has a brain like mine and knowing that alone has sometimes kept me going through the day. So whoever you decide you are, please keep doing it. There are people out here who need you.

  200. It doesn’t do any good to make a 5-year plan anyway, since that guarantees that life will throw you a curve. You just have to roll with it, plan or no. Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans (Lennon). So true.

  201. I am right there with you. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing with myself, who I am, or any of that.

  202. I thought I knew once but then someone told me I was wrong so accepted inevitability and instead of advancing my career I bought a big mac.

  203. I think there are a hell of a lot of us wandering around the place with no more fucking clue what we’re doing than a stunned puppy. And you know what? None of us have fallen off the planet and died yet, so… I know I won’t be forming any five-year plans pretty much at all for the foreseeable future. Plans freak me the fuck right out.

    (P.S. Hi. How the hell are you?)

  204. If that shrink had asked me, I wouldn’t have had any good answer. I am 26 years old and have never had any ambition or plans in my life, except just.. living it, I guess. I keep looking around me and thinking everyone else has their life planned out perfectly. It kinda helped to see your post and all the comments. I do look up to you.

  205. I did the whole maniacally-driven be the Best Student Ever, Masters degree, “stable” job, be a grownup thing. Now I’m going on my second year without a job, with a worthless degree, and absolutely NO clue where to go from here. I made my “one big push towards being an adult,” it failed miserably, and now I don’t have another one in me.

  206. The great general D. D. Eisenhower once said, “Plans are nothing; planning is everything.”

    True, that.

    The fact that you worry about 401k’s is a good thing. But as the (likely) state of your 401k today shows, no plan is foolproof. A good plan is in a constant state of flux, anyway. Because–guess what!–the world often has other plans at odds with yours.

    One may call it poor planning, but rather think of it as the ultimate in flexibility.

    Let me make an assumption. Writing every day, as you do, acts as an ordering influence in your life. What will you be doing in five years time? Dunno for sure, but let’s assume it’s writing something. Sounds pretty stable, and sane, to me.

    A psychiatric professional is berating you for not having a five-year plan? Is she your shrink, or your accountant? If by a “making a five year plan”, she means taking care of yourself, treating yourself as a valuable human being, and building the self-esteem that grows from it, then she is fundamentally right but should probably rethink her prescription.

    As an amateur shrink, my guess is that you find order and stability in other things, and your profession must rank high on that list of comforts. Your shrink may read your writings and see a chaotic mind, but your readers see a mind bringing sense to a chaotic universe.

    By all means, make a five year plan. But make a new one every half-hour. That’s the sanest way to live.

    THH

    P.S. I haven’t read the 200 comments above; if this little homily covers ground that’s been trod already, forgive me and let me simply echo the good sense of your readers.

  207. I don’t have a 5 year plan and i don’t take xanax because I DRINK!!! At least that’s what I told the pyschiatrist who then wuoldn’t speak to me as I wouldn’t discuss if I drink to much. I don’t drive if I have had even one drink, well not since the close call with the police car years ago. I don’t go to work drunk either so who cares if I drink. My 5 year plan is to …….nope I don’t have one either we are in good company.

  208. Why in the hell would you want to figure out who you are and what you want in life? Seriously. Are you only one thing that can be described? Is there only one main thing you want out of life? Even if there were a list of things you are and want, why in the hell would you want to write them down. God, how limiting is that?

    I think you need to fire your shrink. I think it’s more important to figure out what makes you happy NOW, and do that, as long as you don’t hurt anyone or kill any armadillos or puke all over your kids or something. Really. It’s ok to have a vague plan, but I’d hate to think my life is planned out. I have problems figuring out what I want next year, and I seem to be doing fine.

    I had a meeting the other day with this guy at work. He’s usually pretty dynamic, enthusiastic, and fun to be around. At the meeting he was all “ONLY 27 more years of this,” and I was all, “What?” and he was all “Work.”

    Shit. If that’s the way I felt about life – waiting out your 27 years so you can retire in time to die – then fuck it. I’d rather live on unemployment and welfare.

  209. The only sure things on my five year plan are maintaining a decent mani/pedi schedule and always having a cleaning lady. Other than that, I don’t even have a 5 minute plan.

  210. I had about 10 minutes to skim the comments here, but I’m going to add in my 2 cents. A five year plan?? Really? You are NOT about a 5 year plan. Live in the moment, and be furiously happy. And maybe, find a different shink that doesn’t ask about 5 year plans. Sheeesh. My 5 year plan? Well, I hope to have paid off more debt & not created more, but I don’t really see that happening, so I’ve failed already. I think I’d rather have the “let’s take one day at a time approach”. My daughter asked me what we were doing Oct. 29th, and I put my fingers to my temples, and squeezed my eyes shut, and told her, “The future, it is too cloudy to tell..”

    Hey, I LOL’d.

  211. When my shrink suggested this, I quit going to therapy. Seemed like really hard work. Or something better left undiscovered. Like the answers in a really bizarrely awesome, never-ending mystery novel. So there, Dr. Pete.

  212. I got the “where do you see yourself in five years?” question in the same job interview where some guy asked me to describe myself in five words. Made me wonder if they owned stock in the number five. It was like the worst first date, ever.

  213. Look around at the people you consider REALLY successful. Ask any of them if they had a 5 year plan. Betcha the answer is “no”.

  214. I love that you posted this. I also love how many people have responded to you and agree with you. Spot On and thank you!

  215. I had a five-year-plan. Then life happened. Result? 5-year-plans are nothing but disappointing and unpredictable. Hmmm… I wanted to make this comment funny, and it’s not funny at all. Apparently I can’t even master a 5-minute-plan, or even a 5-second plan.

  216. I’m 28 and I’ve had a 5-year plan since I was about 12. I’d loved not to know who I am.

    Cool things like Beyonce would never happen to me because I’m too fucking practical, and it really makes me angry.

  217. Yes and what’s with these people who are going to find themselves. You are right there. It’s just a cop out to get out of the life they don’t want. It’s all ‘it’s not you its me’.
    What’s wrong with saying “I have no fucking idea what I am doing and I don’t want to do it here so I am off”.
    I don’t have time for a 5 yer plan I have never had time for a 5 year plan. I have a job which pays the bills and I am at the top of my promotional ladder due to havingno penis, a strong personality and a big mouth but I can live with myself and so fuck anybody that can’t and the next time I get asked if I have a plan for the future I am giong to say “NO”
    I don’t have a bucket list I do have a fuck it list which mainly says I am not getting anything waxed that doesn’t see the sun and I won’t go bungey jumping but I can live with that. I don’t even have a cat so I can’t put getting vampire blood for my cat which I would so do if I had a pet I loved and could find a vampire. Stake through the heart and blodd for the cat especially if he looked like Tom Cruise who was a sucky vampire or if it was one of those teenage vampires. Stake through the heart who would want to have a fucking teenager who was never going to gorow up in the house it’s bad enough haviing a guy who won’t grow up here.
    fuck it I am off to eat ice cream that’s my 5 year plan eat ice cream for the next 5 years. I can handle that

  218. I’m right there with you but I prefer to call it “The Go with the Flow” plan. Why does there have to be a plan? I don’t want to grow up yet…lol.

  219. “…and it feels phenomenal!” Sounds like Peter in Dodgeball. Everybody thinks their shit is unique, but it isn’t. A general plan is a good idea so you have enough money coming in to pay bills…vet, house, booze, etc. As long as you can get through each day and crack yourself up a little bit, you’re doing okay. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  220. Slow clap indeed. You’ve just described me perfectly. The older I get the more I’m realizing I know diddly shit but I think I’m less likely to care.

    Glad to know I’m in good company 🙂

  221. Oh yeah…getting a plan and acting on the plan is sometimes NEEDED. I have a friend who hates her husband and has been complaining about him for 20+ years. Get a divorce already. You have a chance to be happy!

  222. I have never had any plans. This could be why I ended up unexpectedly expecting at the ripe old age of 41. That was 5 years ago. My 5 year plan then was to keep the kid alive. So far so good. Beyond that I cannot be held responsible. Plans work for some people, but I wouldn’t stress out about not having one. I try to stay focused on short term issues or responsibilities or dreams. Can I get this thing done today, this week, this month, this year…again, beyond that, I really cannot be held responsible. There is so much that is out of my control.

  223. My five year plan is to survive until both the kiddos are in school. Once they aren’t under foot 24/7 and fighting like they’re going to kill each other, my house will be cleaner and my writing will be more prolific. Not lofty goals, but my goals none the less. Honestly, I think your shrink is full of crap. I don’t know anyone who has a five year plan. That’s something a fresh grad has so they can answer that question in job interviews. 🙂

  224. My 5 year plan has a 5 year plan…and post-it notes stuck all over it that refer it to my Franklin Planner which then leads to my smartphone. I MAY be a little Type A, which is ironic because NOTHING ever goes according to plan anyway. I should just burn all of it in effigy. Oh yeah, I also may or may be a pyromaniac.

  225. Are you kidding me? Not only do I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m too skerred to actually go to a psychologist because of what they might tell me… I’ll be hiding under my covers and crying if anyone needs me. Bring ice cream if you come.

  226. Good grief. It sounds like your shrink barely knows you. Who you are and what you want? You’ve said that you have a need to write. Well, here you are with an incredibly successful blog and a book on the way. You wanted a child so much that it practically killed you. You are now the proud mother of a beautiful and intelligent daughter. You make people laugh every day, so you are also a comedian. You are someone who manages to achieve goals that others only dream of, despite being occasionally crippled by pain and/or self doubt. Why is it necessary to put labels on you?

  227. I’ve had 5-yr plans since I was an adult. Have they worked? Hell to tha NO. I think Life just happens whether we’d like to think so or not. I think the next time she asks you, you should flip the Bitch switch and go off on her. Why does she really care what your plan is unless she hopes you die and she hopes you leave her something.

  228. Life doesn’t go according to anyone’s five-year plan. Anyone who is arrogant enough to think it does is a narcissist. We’re each part of an unpredictable collective and none of us is God. Sheesh, what was going through that shrink’s mind?

    I’ve had job interviews where I was asked about my five-year life plan. I should have run out of those interviews as fast as my feet could have carried me. Talk about an uninspired question.

    Figuring out what you want out of life doesn’t require some one-size-fits-all plan. Your shrink was just phoning it in that day, it seems.

  229. What about your dollhouse? And your book? And all the time spent making your daughter? You have long term plans! That’s the kind of things that are long term plans. Having them doesn’t mean you can’t change them at anytime. I’ve done a complete 180 for my mid-life crisis. 🙂 I guess I’m sort of a one-foot-in-one-foot-out kind of person- planning on one side, and staying spontaneous on the other.

  230. That kind of shit is why I quit going to my shrink! I’m a lot happier when I don’t worry about why I’m not happy. My 5 year plan is to have no freaking clue what I’ll be doing in 5 years.

  231. I’ve embraced the one day at a time plan. Sure sometimes you feel like a giant screwup….. but generally. Much happier. I don’t have to feel like I’ve failed a five year plan and wasted. Five years of my life!

  232. Matching socks are overrated. I like to switch it up. Sometimes I wear two socks of the same color but differing styles. Sometimes I wear the same style but two different colors or patterns. Depends on what underroo’s I put on.

    Now clean socks- oh- that’s a real treat.

  233. You have accomplished more then anyone I know who actually has a 5 yr plan. Whenever I think about a life plan I comfort myself for not having one by thinking the world could end any day now. What’s the point? Its comforting and depressing. Now that I have a baby, my only goal is to teach her to be a badass, like her mother but not as jaded or cynical.

  234. My current plan is to just get to a place in life where I don’t feel so shitty about myself. Also, to not want to quit my job everyday. Or to at least know what kind of job I want next.

    No clue where to start.

  235. the best thing about not having a fucking clue what you’re doing is that you’re exellent company. Also it opens you up to stuff like “hurl candy corn at strangers” or “dress like batman maybe” OR BOTH AT ONCE!

  236. Coming from someone with a 5 year plan, I rely on people like you to keep me sane! You keep me laughing, and I think that’s a pretty good plan – thanks for being you!

  237. five YEARS? i am all excited if i have a plan for 5 days. My mother always said (she is wise!) ‘finding yourself’ is crap, every stage of life you change so you will always be searching. just enjoy who you are *today* and look forward to who you might be tomorrow.

  238. Considering the world is pretty much made up of a kind of controlled chaos anyway, I think any kind of plan is a waste of energy. I will just keep reacting to the chaos that comes my way and hope for the best. But that’s just me.

  239. The people that know what they’re doing appear to be a minority.

    Here is my life plan: I want to do everything so badly that I consequentially do nothing on my agenda. But I talk purdy.

  240. “So, Dani, where do YOU plan on being in 5 years?”

    Me: *hamster spinning on wheel inside my head* “Ummmmm….”

    Every. Time.

  241. I have a 401k. I have no idea what my money’s invested in, I just know that my company matches if I have one and free money is never a bad thing.

  242. Ha ha! I do have a 5 yr plan, but it only includes staying alive for at least the next 5 yrs. As much as I enjoy my career. I would be happy to not have a career, stay home and have dinner ready for my husband, clean laundry and a conversation with said husband that has something to do other than complaining about work and his 17 yr old that knows EVERYTHING, but cannot apply it to his own life. Hmmmm, I have some planning to do… Toodles!

  243. Nice to know I’m not the only one! I’m quitting my job in two weeks and I have no fucking clue what I’m going to do. I know I need a job and I’m out of vodka for now. Mine’s more like a two day plan.

  244. Wow, you said it much more eloquently than I did in my last post.
    Mostly I trudge along, and look forward to QUOLPs “Quality of Life Purchases” when I’m feeling down…
    Last one was a surfboard!

  245. You mean to tell me that’s not everyone plan? (my plan is very similar to yours as well as most of the comments I read) weird! and whenever i try to make any kind of long term plan it always gets f*d up so I gave up.

  246. My husband is Mr. 5-year-plan. He can’t fathom why I don’t think about things years in advance, why I don’t dwell on finances, why I don’t have PLANS. This ::gestures around:: is kind of my “plan”. To be happy, to have a good time, to be able to feed myself and my kid, to make sure my kid and I don’t look like homeless people and to generally be happy. Why would I want to stress about things I can’t do anything about NOW, but will have to tackle in the future? The best I can do is make a mental note to take care of them when they come up and, in the meantime, be happy NOW.

    /rant

  247. Are you really reading comment 321? Anyway, I’m forty-effing-five and have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I went to grad school and got my masters in clinical psychology. I originally wanted to work with the criminally insane, but instead ended up with kids and families. Which is an exhausting, soul-beating population. So I flounder through each day, distracted by The Next Big Project. Where I manage to buy business cards that arrive after the urge has passed. I think we had too many options, too many possibilities. Which for some people are great things. For me, not so much–because I can’t decide what to do!

    So I write and write my little blog. And read and read all the other blogs. And wonder where it all will end up…

    xo Susie

  248. My 5 year plan is to STOP being a grown-up. They are boring, never have any fun and are so bloody serious and weighed down with “responsibility” – who wants to be like that? I want to learn to jump in puddles, spend hours creating a robot out of cereal boxes, painting a picture of what God looks like and laughing hysterically because someone burped. And to re-learn how to live in the moment and not in the past or the future. That’s MY 5 year plan.

  249. I have to say at 40 my only goal is to keep my kids alive. I’m hoping they all graduate high school and eventually move out. But all of that is less of a goal and more of a wish/dream/hope/prayer.

    When my current job interviewed me almost 4 years ago they asked the dreaded, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” question. I was honest. “I have no idea. Who knows what will happen. But I hope where ever it is starts now, with this job.”

  250. Thanks for updating with that music video. I keep saying I’ll listen to Amanda Palmer’s music, but never make it there. I didn’t know what to expect, but that was an amazing song (which fit perfectly to my own moods). I made my plans and life flew by without looking back. I’m still young (ish?), I still haven’t come to the complete realization that I’m where I want to be.

    Everyone’s fucked up. Enjoy it the best you can (or try to). Having company for the trip helps. I also agree with Amy. Those whose lives are going “according to plan” live for themselves. It’s actually a shame because my sister and her husband are those people.

  251. That. Song.
    I’m not exaggerating much when I say you’ve saved me today with that post and song.
    Thank you.

  252. Its not that I’m pretending to be a grown-up, it’s more that I’m pretending to know what I’m doing as a grown-up. I’m 42, with a wife and a teenage boy and a pre-teen daughter and a pre-teen mortgage, and I’m still winging it most days. “5 year plans” have always worked out for me about as well as predicting the weather – beyond a few days from now, you’re just guessing.

  253. I absolutely-fucking love that you posted an AFP video. I didn’t think I could love this blog more, but apparently I can.

  254. I have been so very down. I get into these hopeless bouts of depression. I feel like I’m drowning. cause I am 44 and feel like nothing. I use a pseudonym to hide. I’ve considered doing harm to myself–too chicken, honestly. That’s about all that’s stopped me. I want to be so much more than I am. I look around and see others who are living my life–the life I always thought I would have. I swore I’d never be here, like this, doing this. But I am.

    You have no idea who you touch. You are an inspiration. You are real. You share yourself, your very real issues. Thank you for that. You have helped me so much. Sort of an odd group therapy, knowing that you and other folks on here are managing, succeeding at surviving. It helps me to be able to do the same.

    OMG, this is gonna sound lame, but I feel like you are a friend, though we’ve never, and may never meet. And I am not one of those stalker weirdos. Just someone who’s been where you are, is there now.

    The song is awesome. I need to save that somewhere and listen to it when I feel this way….

    Wow, didn’t think I was going to write all this, but it poured out….

    Thanks for sharing who you are. It means a lot…to me.

    D

  255. Add me to this list. I have my own business, only because it keeps me from killing co-workers…I do my own thing, even within the loose confines of my daily schedule…and I love it. I have no plans for the future, other than to keep chugging along making myself happy. It drives my dad and sister crazy, because they LOVE to plan out things…even if they never do them. They’re happy that way, and have accepted that I’m doing okay moving along my way. 🙂 (I think my mom gets it…she’s more of a drifter herself).

    So yeah, you’re obviously not alone…there are many of us that just do stuff…without a worry about what’s going to happen next.

  256. Hell, I’m 62 and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Hasn’t stopped me from getting married, finishing college, becoming a CPA, having two children, being an elected official. My five-year plan is to retire as soon as I am eligible for Medicare. Sounds good to me.

  257. 50 is staring me down and I’m STILL trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. Kind of sad, huh? But in my head I’ve only just hit 30. I hang out with younger people and older people, having never quite found my niche. I think my body can do more than it can, so I keep trying stuff that no 50 year-old would try in their right mind. That’s okay… I suspect I have a left mind anyway.

  258. Thank you, Jenny. For this post, and for the addition of the song at the end. And for being you, which makes me feel like some day I’ll be okay with being me.

  259. Five years ago today I hadn’t even spoken to the man I’m now married to. If you told me I would today have two more kids (aged 16 and 12) I’d have thought you were insane…or didnt understand math and how babies are made.
    My only plan is staying alive as long as possible. That sounds exceedingly simple but I almost accidently threw myself off an arena balcony a few weeks ago. I treat every birthday as a victory. I’m 31 and in college, raising three kids and three cats and still learning about the 41 year old man I married. My college advisor thinks I should be a psychologist. She says I’m unstable enough to be good at it.
    At this point I’m just trying to avoid slick surfaces.

  260. My theory:
    The problem with a 5-year plan is that when you don’t meet every objective in it, you feel like a failure. Therefore, you’re planning to fail……(?). Sure! Anyway, the fact is, life happens and it’s going to happen whether you have a plan for it or not.

    Keep on keeping on, lady.

  261. I didn’t think it went through the first time, so I put it on again. That’s why it on twice. Delete one of them, and this one, if you would.

    Can’t even comment on a blog correctly….
    Thanks.

  262. Ha!

    I gave up on the 5 year plan years ago, as far as I’m concerned there’s a little green elf, or a pretty white angel, (or whatever the hell it is), on my shoulder steering the boat that is my life, and I’m just along for the ride.

    I hang on when it gets rough, knowing that a minute second of serenity will probably be just around the corner… as a result I can honestly say, I have never in my life gone more than a week for saying ‘I’m bored;’ before the next theoretical atomic bomb is dropped. I have no complaints, I like it that way, life is an adventure and I can’t wait for the stories I get to tell the grand kids one day!

  263. I’m still working on last Tuesday’s to do list… And I know I’m not working until April next year… That’s about it 😉 planning is overrated.

  264. Right there with you on this. I was just having this exact same dialogue in my own head. And also, that song is my favorite song in the world right now. Helps make all of the shit seem easier to deal with. 🙂

  265. Oh hell. I’m still amazed every day that I’m married and have a carreer and and rrsp. I have no fucking idea how that happened and it certainly doesn’t make me feel like an adult. Most times it (the career) just makes me tired. My husband and still spend at least one Friday a month drinking and killing zombies. (Pretend zombies people. Though I think the current mayor of my city and his dim witted brother may count as zombies). I see grown ups around me alll the time. I have way more fun.

  266. Maybe our plan should be to mess up the plans of all the shrinks who think it’s their plan to coerce the mass population into having a plan… hmmmmm.

  267. Jenny, I’m totally late to the party, but lemme tell ya, 5-year plans are so, not only yesterday, but like so 10 years ago, which means you are way ahead of the curve, girlfriend. You’ve accomplished so much just living by the seat of your bad-ass pants than most people do with their so-called boring, 5-year plans. I mean, you have a successful blog, several successful columns, you’ve got a book coming out, AND you got Will Wheaton to send you a picture of him collating paper AND the folks at Portlandia to give you their photographic seal of approval of your bird merchandise, not to mention getting William Shatner to block you from his Twitter feed. AND you single-handedly created a booming market for metal chickens, for which I am sure metal chicken manufacturers, garden supply centers and the HEB grocery chain is totally grateful for. So F**K 5-year plans. Your shrink is totally on crack, or maybe xanax. You rock, girl – don’t ever change!

  268. Glad your feeling better. You might also enjoy Amanda’s commencement speech on the topic of the Fraud Police. Even brain surgeons wonder what the hell they are doing sometimes.

  269. Not a fan of 5 years plans. My right now plans seem to work best for me. And right now, my plans are to act more than I react, fill every day with as much joy as I have time to, and hopefully, eventually, handle questions like, “What do you do?” with a little less blabbering and self-doubt. Also, buy a pretty dress.

  270. Hang on…Why does anyone need a 5 year plan? Didn’t the Mayans say its all ending in 2012 anyway? Seems like major wasted effort.

  271. I’m with you! I’m 47, 2 kids, 25 years of marriage. I’ve been a stay at home mom and now that the last kid is leaving home soon, (oh, dear God let him leave home), I’m getting the questions about what I’m going to do then. What they mean is “are you EVER going to get a REAL job”?
    Probably not.
    I am my moms beck-and-call girl. I do a lot of volunteer work for church. I hope to be a grandma in the next 5-10 years and then I can be a stay at home grandma.
    Crap- I do have a five year plan.

  272. All of these posts are making me feel better about the fact that I am only just figuring out what I want from life. At nearly 30, I still have not yet learned to drive, but hope to master it in the near future, because I’ve finally decided on pursuing a tattoo apprenticeship, and decided on not having kids (at least not yet).

  273. I have no plan. Except happiness. So far, so good!

    Also, I love that you posted Amanda Palmer. Whenever I start to feel bad that I haven’t lost all the weight I want, or that I’m not a matching socks kind of lady, I listen to that song. <3

    You're awesome, and I wish I was your neighbor. ^_^

  274. Your brutal honesty – love it. I love that you are completely okay with not knowing the f you want to do or where you want to be in 5 years – so comforting to know I am not the only one, and it looks like we are not the only two. So, really then who and where are these people that do? And is their life any fun?! Living out a structured plan would get boring – you would always know what is coming next. Now granted, I would like to maybe have a little more direction at times, and in some ways I do – like I have a job and all those grown up things, I simply know I do not want to stay here forever – so that is some direction. I want change. Good enough for me for now. So, I say stay you – you probably are far more stable because you are willing to be honest with yourself than those that live in their boxed up 5 year plans.
    Much love,
    B

  275. Funny, dear hub accuses me of exactly the same thing – always talking about what I’m going to be when I grow up yet never actually doing it. Isn’t that why people love us anyway?

  276. Well, its like what I have begun to wonder as of late. At what point do you stop doing in anticipation of tomorrow and use those resources to entertain yourself today, ya know?

  277. I just want to say thanks, Jenny and to all that commented here. I feel comforted by this dialogue to know that a 5-year plan is universally difficult. I live by some constant basic goals: try not to die, hurt anybody, or become homeless. They’re a lot of work, I can’t imagine trying to aspire to “another level” when I’m so scared of falling off the level I’m on.

  278. Wait…we’re supposed to KNOW all that shit? Says who? If you’d told me five years ago that I’d be married to a Spaniard who doesn’t speak more than about ten words of English, have four cats and be cooking for a restaurant (A RESTAURANT) in five years, I’d have laughed you out of my house. For one thing, I couldn’t cook. For another, I didn’t speak Spanish. The cats…ok, the cats were kind of a given.

    Bullshit. I think what we’re supposed to figure out is what we need to work out in our heads to just be whoever it is we are right now and be happy with that. Then we have to figure out how to make that happen. Everything else is the cherry on top, yanno?

    And you can tell your shrink I said so. Jeez, I sound Zen. Except for the cursing part.

  279. I am most definitely falling backwards onto hyenas. I didn’t have the words to describe my life until now. Thanks for that;). And cheers to ridiculously non-existent 5yr plans.

  280. Jenny, the reason I get so much out of your blogs is that you’re just as abnormally normal as I am…as abnormally normal as the rest of us.

  281. I’m not saying having a plan is a bad thing, but to insist that others have a plan as well tells me something about that person: they are not comfortable within the boundaries of their own life, and they don’t think anyone else can be either. Let life happen–it’s going to anyway, and resisting it or trying to mold it to your own desires is just going to make you crazy.

  282. I think your plan is to continue getting an epic amount of comments on your blog posts. Maybe even a radio show. 😀

    But seriously, I am the exact same way. It can be frustrating trying to be “normal” and have a “plan”. I think people with plans are NOT normal, and just want everyone else to believe they are.

  283. The ukulele is so underrated… that is the ukulele playing, isn’t it? Although, it is a very long song… take that anyway you want.

    I think everyone in their “right mind” (or left depending on how you roll) feels like they have no idea what their doing most of the time unless their medicated enough to think that everything is going according to their life plan. In that case, I’ll have what their having. Otherwise, those people (fakers that they are) scare me for so many reasons. The only people I really trust are the ones who talk about how fucked up they are, because we are all messed up in one way or another.

    As you pointed out this morning, if we can celebrate that fact with our 140 k readers (in your case – in my case 263 Facebook friends) all will be well. Okay, celebrate may be a stretch, but it is helpful to the world around us to be honest about where were at in life. It’s nice to find out that the people you think have it all, might be as totally confused as me. (If that’s possible)

    I myself, am thinking about changing careers due to a commercial I heard the other morning on the local radio station. It seems that the CIA needs a few new co-op agents and if that doesn’t have my name written all over it, I just don’t know what does.

    Enjoy your new found peace/confusion.

  284. Same 5 yr plan here too… last night I made chocolate chip pancakes for dinner. Yup, the boyfriend and I really felt like the “grown-ups” we pretend to be.

  285. i have the 4 hour plan. 4 hours until lunch then 4 hours until 5. Then! my life begins. i tend to take life one day at a time but in small increments.

  286. I just dropped my ADs into dirty laundry covered in dog hair, then took them. I’ll probably still be doing that in 5 years. I’m cool with it.
    Included in my 5 year life plan: get a taxidermied animal head to watch over me. That’s basically it. So thanks for that.

  287. I can’t believe the world allows me to have kids. I’m 30 years old and feel like I’m 18. It amazes me every day that I somehow am able to hold down a job, pay bills and keep a household running.