AND THEN I SAW A SASQUATCH ON THE ROAD

Actual conversation with my husband, as we were driving down a Texas back-road yesterday:

me:  OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS THAT?

Victor:  What?

me:  You need to stop the car so I can get out, BECAUSE I JUST SAW A BEAR EATING GRASS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

Victor:  Okay, I don’t even know where to start with how many things are wrong with that sentence.

me:  It might have been a sasquatch.  It was enormous and hairy AND WE HAVE TO GO BACK.

Victor:  *sigh*  It was probably a tree.

me:  I think I can tell the difference between a tree and a sasquatch, thankyouverymuch.

Then Victor turned around, but he glared at me until we finally got back to the spot, and I was all “SEE.  THAT THING.  That’s a fucking sasquatch, dude.”

Victor:  That’s a…  Uh…fuck.  What the hell is that thing?

me:  Sasquatch.  You owe me a dollar.

Victor:  We weren’t betting.

me:  You owe me a dollar for your lack of faith.

Victor:  It looks like…Sigmund the Sea Monster.

And he was sort of right, except that sea monsters don’t exist.  Then I got out of the car to take a picture with my phone and Victor was yelling at me to get back in the car, but it was too late because I was quietly sneaking up on the sasquatch, and then I realized that it was on all fours and that Sasquatches don’t crawl unless they’re looking for a contact, so I whispered back to Victor: “I think it’s a Snuffleupagus.”  Then Victor rolled his eyes in disbelief, and a fairy died because of his lack of faith.

I snuck up closer and closer, and finally took a shot with my camera.

Be honest. You thought I was exaggerating until just now, didn't you? Ow, people. Just...ow.

Then I whispered (in a soothing -and somewhat terrified- voice), “Heeeeere snuffles.  I come in peace.”  But he totally ignored me, and then Victor laid on the horn, and I screamed, and the sasqualleupagus’ butt looked up at me.

And it was a donkey.

With dreadlocks, for some reason.

This donkey needs a french braid and a banana-clip

Which was both disappointing and confusing all at once.  Then Victor yelled at me to stop stomping through other people’s property before we both got arrested, and then I got caught on the barbed wire fence on the way back out and probably got tetanus.  Then I got back in the car while screaming “YOU GUYS NEED TO BRUSH YOUR DONKEY” at no one in particular .

PS.  This story would be more redeeming if the the donkey ended up being a sasquatch.  I apologize.  I can assure you, I’m a little sad for all of us.

(An aside to everyone telling me to call the police: The donkey is fine and is apparently supposed to look like that.)

**********

In unrelated news, it’s Sunday!  Which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up.  Let’s get started, shall we?

What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):

What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by the awesome people at Goodsie, who make it incredibly easy to set up your own fully-branded online shop. Sell whatever you like.  Art, shirts, glass-eyes, used organs. Whatever!

*Goodsie.com asked me to clarify: “We will not help you sell your used organs. Unless ‘organs’ = ‘pianos.’ That’s probably okay. We need to talk to our lawyers.”

319 thoughts on “AND THEN I SAW A SASQUATCH ON THE ROAD

Read comments below or add one.

  1. That is a very neglected donkey. He looks emaciated under that over grown under brushed coat. So sad

  2. Good lord that donkey does need a nice good brush. I think I’d have leapt out of my skin if that thing suddenly moved, it looks like a frickin’ bush.

  3. This really made me giggle! I’m glad it turned out to be a donkey and not an enraged Bigfoot.

  4. At first I thought it was a yak… which would have been AWESOME.

    But that donkey… I think you need to call the ASPCA or something, cuz I’m pretty sure that’s matted and sad fur, not happy donkey fur (hair?). Yes, I’m a bleeding heart… what would Sarah McLachlan do?? Poor donkeh.

  5. Girlfriend-
    I *never* ever question you. But a banana clip?! Seriously? No. A banana clip would only make it look more pathetic. You probably know that, you just don’t know that you know.

  6. Seriously. What is wrong with those people that they have a DONKEY with dreadlocks?!?!? Kudos to you for being enough to capture a picture before knowing what it was! I totally would have freaked out and would not have gone back for a pic. It did look like like Snuffy. 😀

  7. You should totally call those people who cleaned up the wildlife after the oil spill. They could probably help with this. Maybe. I don’t really know. It kinda looks like my husband’s back.

  8. I was looking and looking for the part where you kidnapped the donkey while Victor drove the getaway car in horror and disbelief yet completely turned on by his animal rescuing wife. Did you edit for space?

  9. I really thought it was a Snuffleupagus! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a donkey with long hair…and I’m sure I’ve never seen one with dreadlocks. I’m even more sure I’ve never seen a Sasquatch with dreadlocks.

  10. He doesn’t look like Eeyore, but he definitely matches the morose and sadness of Eeyore.

    And my husband and I bet each other a dollar on things all the time. The last one was over whether there are any azaleas in our yard. I’m owed a fucking dollar.

  11. Damn hippie donkeys with their dreads, always buying all of the green tea at Whole Foods. Maybe other people would like green tea too, hippie donkey. Did you ever think of that? Of course not, because you’re a donkey.

  12. OMG I want to fly to Texas and shave that poor donkey. I could do that right? I mean, how hard can it be to shave a donkey? It can’t be worse than shaving a cat and I’ve done that. Although by admitting that I’m opening myself up to all sorts of really vile jokes….;)

  13. I was taking guesses on what that thing was and donkey was never going to be one of them. I had no idea they could grow so much hair! I feel really sorry for that thing because all that hair must be really heavy.

  14. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE call the sheriff’s department in the area where you saw this poor creature. It needs to be picked up and taken to an animal shelter. This is SEVERE neglect and possibly abuse. Please save this donkey’s life or give it a chance to be put down and out of it’s misery. Please, Jenny, I’m begging you.

  15. don’t panic or call the aspca guys! there’s a breed of donkey, the name of which escapes me, and it’s hair (or.. fur?? i’m not entirely sure) grows like that.
    but it’s sweet of everyone to be worried 🙂

  16. I thought it was a Highland Cow! Also,don’t you think it could have been sasqualleupagus disguised as a donkey to fool unsuspecting passers, and that IT KNEW you and Victor would be driving down that road and that you WOULD write a blog and that it’s lonely and knew that you would end up getting it a female sasqualleupagus mate to comb out its dreadlocks, Did you not think of that? Cos one of your readers is bound to have a sasqualleupagus hidden away somewhere…..

  17. pick me, ooh, pick me! I read about this: ranchers all over Texas typically use donkeys to help protect their cattle herds against coyotes. With the extreme drought, they were having to sell off cattle much earlier than usual to avoid them just dying, and then, there was NOTHING to feed the donkeys, so they just released them into the wild. Scores of them. This sad dred-locked dude is probably one of those. It’s a huge problem for a whole host of reasons, not least of which is the fact (that I’m sure NONE of them considered) that the resulted Sasquatch-donkeys would nearly cause accidents on roadways when passersby ogled them in shock and disbelief. Thanks, drought.

  18. I love Poitou Donkeys, this one is so cute! Must suck to have that kinda hair in Texas though! I’m sure it wouldn’t have minded you calling it a Sasquatch or a Snuffleupagus. They are quite friendly 🙂

  19. Oh By the way apparently it is, courtesy of Wikipedia: The Baudet de Poitou is “instantly recognizable” for a number of unusual characteristics that distinguish it from other asses. Its shaggy coat, called a “cadanette”, hangs in “long cords or shaggy hanks” when ungroomed because the hair is longer and softer than that of other breeds of donkey. Animals with great cadanettes of matted and tangled hair were most highly valued. Breeders prized the Baudet du Poitou’s traditional coat so highly that a champion jack who had lost his cadenette was excluded from placement in a class at later shows.

    So, no need to call animal welfare

  20. On a serious note…call the humane society…that “thing’ is a sentient creature….

  21. That Swan Finland or whatever it was video. The one under your top ten weird shit. Really?

    Dude was kinda hot till he opened his mouth.

    Like I’ve never said THAT after a first date.

  22. I don’t get why all of these interesting things happen to you all the time. If I could just have ONE day like the days you have in my lifetime, I will have succeeded.

  23. I think you meant to write “death mask” instead of “desk mask” in the “missed on the Internets” list. Unless desk and death mean the same thing, in which case I am definitely not going to work tomorrow.

  24. please leave a “shave me” sign on the side of the poor thing. and report them. POOR DONKEY!

  25. No harm in calling animal control, just in case. He shouldn’t have been out wandering around anyhow.

  26. Just once, I wanna be a fly on the wall in your house. The conversations between you and Victor make me crack the fuck up.

  27. Most adults can’t see Snuffy, anyway. Apparently, Victor is one of those people. He should know by now to at least humor you when you see mythical creatures. Of course, if it HAD been a Sasquatch, he was probably afraid you’d take it home and reenact some bizarre alternate universe Sesame Street with the Sasquatch and Beyonce.

  28. My husband and I have had two almost exact same conversations as this one. The first time it turned out that the upsidedown turtle in the middle of the road was an empty box of twinkies, which I admit was my bad. But then one winter we came across a miniature puma! It was tinier than a cat but totally looked like a full grown puma. My father in law saw it later and claimed that it’s a naked gofer, but I still say that there’s a mini stalking the neighborhood somewhere.

  29. hahaha!! you know you’re gonna get some pretty awesome search words now, like Hairy Asses and braided Ass hair. Rock on! this was the best post yet!

  30. I hide indoors because I don’t want to freak out the kind of people who call the police at anything weird-looking. Nice world we have here.

  31. My vet has informed me that my dachshund is bald. Maybe I can make a wig for my dog from this little guy’s dreads!

  32. That is AWESOME. Do you ever wonder how many people could have awesome shit like this happen to them every day and don’t because they’re too busy being Srs Bsns?

    I am so sad for those people.

  33. You know what? I’m jealous of Sasquatch (AKA Snuffaluffagus) the Donkey. He has better hair than I do.

    “No, the Rastafarian movement isn’t recruiting animals — this donkey is actually naturally dreadlocked. Her name is Lambada, and she’s one of the incredibly rare Baudet de Poitou donkeys of Poitou-Charente, France. With 1,000 or fewer left in the world, the Poitou are rarer than pandas and white rhinos.” http://www.aolnews.com/2010/07/21/hold-for-buck-edited-dreadlocked-donkey-is-one-rare-ass/

  34. That is an extremely exasperated donkey. It’s giving you a look as if to say “Excuse me, I’m eating? Do you mind NOT taking pictures of my butt?”

  35. Ellen: I don’t think he was wandering. Jenny mentioned 2ish times that she scaled a fence to get to him. Jenny- if you call the police for some reason, I would leave that part out.

  36. I, for one, am VERY glad you updated. Obviously, this particular city girl is unaware of exotic donkey breeds (cuz, what the fuck?)

    However, if you ever decide to emulate his hairstyle, I WILL shave your hair. Cuz that’s what friends do 😉

  37. I need to need to be on road trips with you….my husband never would have stopped to indulge me of my sasquatch sighting….I have been on the verge of photographing Chupacabra but Kevin wouldn’t go for it!!!

  38. You should still watch out for sasquatches in the road. We hot a raccoon once, and it totally fucked up the front of our van. I can only imagine the damage a Sasquatch would do. Plus, the hair would be everywhere.

  39. I have my Halloween costume idea, finally! I just won’t brush my hair until November.

    Strangest creature I’ve seen on the road was a ferret. It was doing a peculiar inch-worm thing across the road right in front of the car. We stopped for it to cross, completely dumbfounded as we tried to identify the thing crossing a city street. “That’s … not a squirrel.” It was likely sick and had been dumped so this is kind of a sad story but it was probably eaten by a hawk or other animal pretty quick

  40. I just DIED laughing. My mom’s going to be mad at you (she’s the only one who would really care that I was dead except the cats because nobody would feed them).
    DIED.

  41. Sigmund the sea monster and Johnny and Scott are friends. The finest friends you ever did see on the land or in the sea.

    ::pause::

    Shit – still in my head.

  42. I’ve tried to explain why God made snakes and flies and even roaches. I have some faith that there’s a purpose beyond what I can see–but what the hell is that? Because playing a joke like that on something that’s already called an ass? Not cool, God.

  43. Wow. So I’m totally glad it wasn’t IN the road and you guys had hit it instead of just having this oddly bizarre conversation about it. I mean ONLY 700 of them? The guilt of killing one would have been unbearable I would think. I mean I know they said there could be 1000. but is it really worth the risk? Although, it would have made a lovely addition to James Garfield and the Cobra/Mongoose. Although, you’d have had to have the whole thing taxidermied because from the neck up it just looks like a regular donkey and that’s just makes you seem cold-hearted. And strange.

  44. My husband always says he’s relieved we don’t have a farm because I’d totally have a donkey like that. Also those shaggy highland cattle, the chickens with the feathery feet, and every stray, decrepit dog in the area. Plus maybe an aye aye or two (look those up, Jenny. Totally your kind of creature).
    I’m a sucker for the slightly odd. Which I tell my husband is why I chose him… Haha!

  45. I like that donkey a whole bunch. It looks like it has lots of bugs crawling in it’s fur, and lots of people would be really allergic to it and nobody would love it except a really special, big-hearted person. But not me.

  46. On a side note, does the fact that you are now advertising batteries have anything to do with you also working for a sex toy company? Very nice! PR well done!

  47. I think there’s just no way a donkey’s hair would be this long. I’ve see photos of neglected donkies and horses and their feet tend to be overgrown and maybe mane/tail but their body hair seems to remain short without any clipping. So it makes total sense that it’s a rare breed and he’s such a cutie under that crazy fur.

  48. I know someone with geese like that. I swear to baby Jesus. They look like rasta geese, or maybe a cross between that donkey and a very angry goose.

  49. Can I just say that I, for one, am glad you didn’t kill the poor Poitou Ass, as it is a conserved species, and killing it would probably have landed you in jail for a few years, especially since there’s only like 140 of them in the world. Which makes me think there might only be 140 of them
    because they’re hideous, really, and maybe there are only 140 KNOWN living Poutoi Asses because the rest of them are in hiding, scared of their own, hideous, hairy shadows. The moral of this comment is that thank God you didn’t find a Sasquatch on the side of the road, because that really would have flipped your shit.

  50. I would really like to see that donkey hang out with Copernicus. I feel like they could really be friends, minus Snuffle’s clear lack of homicidal tendencies.

  51. That was Tom Baudet de Poitou. He’ll leave the light on for you.*

    *Note to the real Tom Bodett: I was most certainly NOT calling you an ass. It’s a pun, I thought you’d appreciate it. Please restrain the constables. Sheesh.

  52. Laughing so hard at that hairy ass that I can’t check the links right now… I’ll need to come back later … after I change my pants that I peed in from laughing so hard.

    You should report that donkey owner to Posey’s vet… they’ll set ‘im straight.

  53. I’m kind of curious as to how you found out what type of donkey it was. Did you google “weird, hairy donkeys?” It seems like that could be dangerous …

    Also, wow. That’s a freaky donkey.

  54. Everyone who remembers when only Big Bird could see Snuffleupagus has a responsibility to Jim Henson’s memory to buy that card.

  55. What is a rare near-extinct french donkey doing in Texas? I think it’s much more likely that it was Sasquatch in disguise!

  56. Dude, that is a French donkey. A Pitou donkey to be exact which is very rare and tooooo cute. Bigger than the hugest horse. In fact, the cutest. donkeys. alive. (if you are a donkye lover…which I am). Google them. They live in NH and I want one. This one is very far from home so send him back. He looks hot and lonely.

  57. I am a Sasquatch conesier…connessuir…conesseur. Crap. Spell check doesn’t even know what I’m trying to say and I’m too lazy to look it up. I like sasquatches and was thus disappointed with the outcome of this post.

  58. Okay, so apparently this is indeed a certain kind of donkey whose coat grows in these long dreadlocks. But, the poor thing certainly doesn’t belong in hot, hot Texas!! I guess you learn something new every day…

  59. ribbons. the kind with sparkles. at the end of EVERY SINGLE DREADLOCK. That would be awesome. And blinding in the sun. And cause more people to say “OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS THAT”

  60. This is the coolest donkey I have ever seen- and great name too “Poitou Donkey”. Why, why, why is it endangered? Damn hash fiends using its dreads for stoner locks of love? Bass turds.

  61. I got chased by a cow a few weeks ago while out for a run, only I was too chicken shit to go near it at first because I thought it was several humans hunched over a campfire cooking meth. I don’t wear my glasses when I’m running.

  62. Weird donkey.

    But AMAZING Hailey! God she looks like she’s full of joy and power and sweetness and sass and I LOVE it!

    And when I see her like that, I think about seeing my son like that and I remember that sometimes when I see him feeling so joyful and powerful I whisper a secret prayer/whatever “please please please don’t let him ever struggle with the depression/anxiety/doom, please just make that a thing that i didn’t pass on to him” and I wonder if other mothers who struggle with their own mental illness whisper the same prayer/thing. I’m guessing they do.

    Go get ’em Hailey!

  63. whenever i think of growing my hair out so i can go back to french braids and banana clips I’m going to think of this donkey

  64. Geebus, a donkey with dreadlocks – now I’ve seen everything. And in Texas, no less. And as seen by the Bloggess, no less. Wait, actually, I should not be surprised at all that all three of these things go together. Another reason for me to be proud to be a Texan.

  65. You observation skills are clearly under appreciated. Victor should be proud that you are so aware of your surroundings! You will never be caught unawares by a wandering Snuffleupagus, Chupacabra, Sasquatch, or Big-Foot ever.

    -A huge fan of your blog who had been creeping for a while but finally decided to comment!

  66. for a moment I thought that was my hairy ass but nope I checked and he is still safe and sound on the couch in front of the boob tube

    ….sry Ian couldn’t resist, mwah

  67. Fuck. That’s another thing I need to ask my husband for. A Rastafarian donkey. A Rastadonkian.

  68. You are so funny! My 14 year-old daughter and I laughed so hard! I can totally see the resemblance to a sasquatch and Snuffie. And, for the record, I think that donkey is cute, in a bedraggled kind of way.

  69. Um, wow?

    Also, a dreadlocked donkey in Texas, that just feels weird to me. Like, won’t the poor thing get really hot under all that coat?

  70. First, post #91 (David Galiel) – Excellent comment!

    Second, after reading every single comment (on this and the last several posts), it is apparent that some people post without reading the other comments. No, no, no, no, no. You must read the comments! I know, you don’t think anything could be better than Jenny’s posts, and I’m not saying the comments are better; it’s just MORE of the funny!

    You are some seriously whacky, pithy, witty people! You’re like “value-added” for this blog.

  71. 1) This is the first time all day I’ve seen the term “sasqualleupagus” used correctly.

    Secondly, how is it, Jenny, that you seem to attract this stuff? Any normal person could go years without seeing anything like a dreadlocked donkey on the side of the road, but you encounter stuff this bizarre weekly.

    C) Never mind #2, because I think I’ve figured it out. The original Mr. Snuffleupagus was always hanging out with Big Bird, and you have a big, metal bird at your house (wearing a winged pig on its head). It all makes sense now.

  72. Jenny, you’ve fallen for the old ‘Sasquatch disguised as a donkey in a sniper suit’ trick. You aren’t the first, either. Those bastards are sneaky, I’ll say that for them. Check to make sure he didn’t lift your wallet while you were trying to figure out what he was…

  73. The difference between your husband and mine. My husband would NEVER have turned the car around to indulge my runaway curiosity. Go give Victor a hug from me … and I’ll go give mine an elbow to the ribs. And then neither one of us should explain why.

    Also, I seriously want to brush out your donkey friend with a lice comb. Or maybe pay a school nurse to do it.

  74. I’m trying to make a list of all the freaky stuff Jenny is an expert on, and so far I’ve got sasquatches, zombies, unicorns, polydactyl kittens, chupacabras, magical wolf puppets, nosferatus… what am I missing?

  75. Did you know those suckers are totally endangered when you took his picture? Why are they endangered? Because people are staking them next to the road as Sasquatch bait.

    If someone else said this in your comments, I said it first.

  76. Thank you so much for letting us all know this is not some Rastafarian donkey eating “grass.” This would have been disturbing without the follow up, you kept me from tossing and turning tonight.

  77. holy crap that is one rare-ass donkey. Of course, I thought it was a Puli, when I was really thinking of a Komondor. The only way my husband would turn the car around is if we started fighting, and he’d have to prove me wrong. Of course that didn’t end up so well for him last time, as we ended up picking up a husky (ahem – NOT a wolf) who is now our husky.

  78. You don’t know me and we’ll probably never meet, but you make me laugh out loud, you bring funny into my life on a level I never knew existed and on the days you don’t post, I’m strangely bereft…. Thanks for touching this stranger’s life.

    laura

  79. Whew… back for more … with dry pants this time 😉

    Isn’t it hard to believe that the French would tolerate something so aesthetically DISpleasing? But then again, of course it’s French… poor tortured soul that has something sadly comical about it.

    And the links are spectacular, as always. I think the cuchini is a waste though… guys find camel-toe oddly appealing 😛 or so says my husband.

  80. I used to live next door to a donkey. I didn’t think it was a big deal until he grew a big boner every time I took him an apple. We had to confront the owner when the donkey AND the horse started jumping the fence and showing up in our driveway.

    I admit: your hairy donkey has me quite jealous. I would have totally taken more photos had I known impressive hair-growth was something I needed to ‘show up’ later in life.

    I’m talking 12″ at least. =/

  81. You know… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to comment on your blog and say something to catch your attention so you can truly understand how you impact my life. Whether it’s with laughter or deep understanding of the psychological stuff, you move me. Just wanted to let you know and thank you for the wonderful laugh today.
    ~Shay

    (You made my day. Thank you! ~Jenny)

  82. This has nothing to do with anything BUT I was walking downtown today after getting out of a horrible Film Fest movie (doc shorts — don’t go) when a weird door opened up from one of the bars or restaurants (I don’t really know where we were, I was just following people) AND a bunch of girl NINJAS walked out. I was totally excited and scared and confused. A guy I was with was like, “The fuck?” and one of the ninja chicks was like “haven’t you ever seen a bunch of girl ninjas before?” And I said, “Uh, NO, I haven’t.”

    Then the guy I was walking with said it was a scavenger hunt. I have no idea what he’s talking about. They had SWORDS.

    Also, there is a zombie ball next weekend.

  83. You need a bag and/or shirt with a picture of the snuffleupadonkey and the tag line “wash/clean/brush your endangered ass”.

  84. OMG! Animals Talking In All Caps?? I frickin cried I laughed so hard. Plus, he’s got a shit-load of them to keep me happy for hours! You find the best shit on the internet and love you. Now, I gotta go read more ATIAC. BOOM!

  85. I hope you send them a letter so when it dies you can get your dad to stuff it, dies from old age of course hapy and surrounded bu lots of loving haridressers or soemthing. you could put it with Beyonce and the snake and mongoose. Or in Victor’s office. Victor would love that or it make Victor bang his head on the wall again. Also it would give James Garfield a new friend to talk to at night when everyone has gone to bed. The monkey might be jealous though

  86. You definitely have a no 1 husband my husband wouldn’t let me have a James Garfield well he wouldn’t buy me one. and i had to buy my own metal chicken i couldn’t find one that was 5′ tall obviously all the people near me bought them first.

  87. omgeezy. The website you posted said that thing is endangered but is that really an animal we should be trying to save? Did you look at the pictures? There’s definitely one where the damn thing is trying to kill me. I say you go back and snipe it. Do it for all of us. Before it chews on our faces in our sleep.

  88. that TOTALLY looked like Snuffalafagous!!!!! I love Snuffalafagous!!! I would have made immediate plans to fly there and hug him for days… weeks… months…

    By the way, you started out saying “Actual Conversation with Victor”

    You mean the others you’ve written about aren’t actual conversations with Victor? Which would be very sad because his awesomeness rating would totally drop….

  89. Logical fallacy alert: the fact that the breed exists does not validate the sentence, “they are supposed to look like that.” Nothing is supposed to look like that.

    I know. My German Angora rabbit’s ass looks like that and it frightens me.

  90. Ok, I have to be the bumpkin nerd here….I have wanted one of these donkeys for YEARS. I saw one in photo from France and fell in love. However, the price tag on these beasts makes it WAY out of my range. If they ever have one too many, I would be happy to make a home for it. I would even send you pics of it in the pasture with my grey mare, Luna. I would even name it after you.

    Sigh. I want….

  91. OK, that donkey may be supposed to look like that, i.e. he may be supposed to have dreadlocks, but those aren’t dreadlocks. Those are NEGLECTED dreadlocks.

    Not that I know jack about dreadlocks, I just know that the look on that donkey’s face says “kill me” and not “I’m a Rasta Ass”.

  92. Wow! You photographed a rare Rasta-Donkey. He wasn’t smoking was he? Oh wait, that would be ridiculous because he doesn’t have thumbs. But, if he had cloven hooves, he could probably pull it off.

  93. No, No, NO!! It could NOT have been Sasquatch. I told y’all..and you’d know this is any of you actually read my blog…that he’s taken to selling insurance in Dallas.

    Geez, people! We could have avoided a lot of disappointment if you would just pay attention.

    On the other hand, you did get to see something as rare as a white rhino, so you have that and I don’t.

  94. I just want to point out, for the record, that I believed you wholeheartedly. If you tell me that you’ve seen Snuffie, then you’ve seen Snuffie! You don’t exaggerate, ever…

    That ass needs some trimmers. I’m sure I’m not the first one to utter this sentence.

  95. I just want to say…I think I have a girl crush on you! How can you not have a crush on someone that makes tears roll down your leg from laughing so hard??

  96. Although I’m disappointed that the donkey didn’t turn out to be a Sasquatch OR a Snuffleupagus, I always love reading your conversations with Victor because they could totally be conversations between me and my husband. On a related note, my husband also thinks that you may be a bad influence on me.

  97. That would have scared the ever-loving hell out of me. I would have run like the hounds of hell were chasing me (because for all I knew, that thing was a hell hound) and never, ever would have driven down that road again because THAT’S WHERE SATAN LIVES.

  98. You found the offspring of a donkey and a Snuffleupagus. That’s incredible.

    That slingshot is literally 5 minutes from my house. And I’ve never been. Sad day for me.

  99. it’s amazing what really exists out there. When I was a kid I remember looking through a book of sea life. There’s weirder creatures under the sea!!

  100. Well, it seems everyone has the safety conditions and history of the donkey covered so I will focus my worry on Victor’s lack of belief and that my hands are numb from clapping! As always…a giggle filled post!

  101. You could seriously do a blog of just conversations with Victor. I can’t even stop laughing when I read them. You two are hysterical!

  102. i read this entry and thought, “i’m so fucking glad that i’m not married. or in a relationship, for that matter! how boring!” and then i spotted your image of Snuffleupagus, and i laughed, not as hard as i laughed while reading ellen’s new book, but i laughed enough to justify my subscription to your blog. merci beaucoup! 😉

  103. I think everyone is missing an important point here, which is that, although you were wrong in your identification, you were LESS WRONG than Victor. And that is meaningful shit.

  104. There are only 400 in the world and you saw one? That’s pretty cool. And weird. What is this guy doing in Texas? It’s way too hot here for that look. Maybe there are more than 400 but you can’t recognize them because the Texans have shown mercy and given them a good shave. I would. And sew the hair onto hats to sell at Bob Marley concerts.

  105. “You need to stop the car so I can get out, BECAUSE I JUST SAW A BEAR EATING GRASS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.”

    I love the line of logic here. I would totally do that (got some good pictures of a vulture eating something once)

  106. ALSO: that bit about people forking over a dollar for lacking faith in you was either a stroke of genius or sounds like the seedling beginning of a bloggess religious cult which I would seriously join.

  107. That is one of the most hideous looking animals I have ever seen. No, not your dying cat. The donkey. Although your cat is looking a little rough. Sigh.

  108. Thank goodness you clarified that the donkey was supposed to look like that or I would have called the police from here. Poor thing. I still don’t entirely believe that anything is supposed to look like that but hey, sometimes I look like that so….

  109. Did you even think about us at all when you were confronting an alleged Sasquatch? Something horrible could have happened to you and then where would we be? You have a blog full of readers at home Jenny, it’s time to GROW UP. And, no, it doesn’t matter that it was just a donkey because it could have easily been a Sasquatch and YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT IT WASN’T A SASQUATCH AND YOU WENT OVER THAT FENCE ANYWAY! I think you need to spend some time thinking about what is really important while you sleep on the couch tonight.

  110. I feel your pain Bloggess, I too mistook an animal at first glance…

    Except my encounter ended with me hitting a mailbox with my car because I was staring down the GIANT deer (actually a medium sized dog) in my rear view mirror.

    You’re lucky the dreadlock donkey didn’t get you caught up in his illegal substance dealing ring. I hear those kinds of donkeys are known for trouble.

  111. Hey….that’s my dog!! LOL

    I have NEVER seen anything THAT bad in the donkey world in my entire life!!

    So glad you share your ZEST for nature!!

  112. Saw the same d*mned creature one time, of course, on the back-roads of Texas! Swore to my husband it was a prehistoric rhinosaurus. He didn’t believe me. Punk.

  113. I love that you not only captured the creature on film (er, digital media stuffs?) to share with us, but you also did thorough ass research. Proving once again just how awesome you are.

  114. Snuffleupagus’s face looks like a donkey’s patootie! Heehee. Also, the ads you write are awesome. All ads should be as entertaining as the content. It’d be like Superbowl Sunday every day! (And I’m from Wisconsin, so that’s like saying it’d be a holiday every day. With beer. And Cheetos.)

  115. I love reading your blog, and typically do so while I’m eating lunch at my favorite cafe. Today I decided to be exciting and clicked on your link to the “10 weirdest things…” and my domain said the site was blocked because of “nudity” and “pornography”, now I’m definitely going to home to find out what you’re hiding behind those links. 🙂

  116. and now if someone says he found you while searching for “hairy ass woman”, you’ll be all like -“oh yeah – the sasquatch post” and think nothing of it.

  117. Why is no one asking the obvious question, “What the f**k is an endangered donkey from France doing here in TEXAS?!?! Texans love guns, Texans love shooting things, I’m thinking this is not the best place for any endangered species.

  118. Thank God something interesting happened to you. I really needed the laugh after such a sad, irritating, and crap-assed day. Plus, it’s always good to know I’m not the only one willing to trespass to get a pic of a donkey-squatch.

  119. Wil has gone meta on you! You need to check out his blog; I feel like the two of you are destined to meet soon.

  120. Great post! Just thought I’d give a little explanation for the creature you discovered…

    It appears that your donkey friend is suffering from Hyperadrenocorticism, also known as “Cushing-like Syndrome”. The lengthy hair coat is known as hirsutism and is a clinical symptom of this cushingoid syndrome in the equine species.

    That’s my best guess as to what’s going on with this critter. Unless, perhaps, you really did stumble upon a new creature altogether.

  121. I thought for sure it was a Scottish Highland cow. But wow, you outweirded me on this one. I’m the one that gets asked what critters are by my 11 year old nephew. Wow. I’ll have to share this ass with him!

  122. I had a serious case of the giggles reading about your sasquatch experience. Giggling is painful (recovering from surgery) so I sounded like “teehheehahahahh…ow…bahahahah…ow dammit…hahahahahahheheeheh. Oww”

  123. This is a critically endangered Poitou donkey. The registry breeds rate them more highly the greater their dreads. You are a lucky person to have seen one up close and personal, because there are less than 500 of them left world wide.

  124. That website says “Either way, that makes them one of the world’s most endangered animals. Even rarer than pandas. ” Conclusion: This was BETTER than seeing a sasquatch! WAY more rare! Call the History Channel!

  125. OK, but seriously, that’s a hairy ass ass.

    Did anyone else read the “user reviews” on the lube? I honestly can’t tell if some of those are real or not…

  126. I feel the urge to bring a pair of battery powered clippers and seek out the dreddy little guy. He needs a shave, and we could totally give him a bad ass mohawk.

  127. Your daughter IS a bad ass! I’ve also raised a couple of bad ass daughters – I feel the world needs them 🙂

  128. To all of the people who think this donkey has been neglected – it’s not. This is called a Poitou Donkey. They’re supposed to look like that. Research, people. Research. To Jenny – hilarious. It totally looks like a Snuffleupugus!

  129. My husband said it looked like a Donkey in a Ghillie suit….then he said if we put a guy in a Ghillie suit ON that thing, you could have a four-legged sasquatch thing…but like a CENTAUR-snuffalupagus. And you could put it on the road sign. Cuz it would be crossing.

  130. Talk about 10 weirdest things people have sent you this month. please please please watch this video. You shan’t regret it. I promise!

  131. Hey bloggess. Heard some of my friends had been giving me some shout outs on here, so I decided to check u out! Funny shit! I actually lived next to someone who owned one of those freak donkeys! Scary shit!! Hope u can visit my blog.
    Barkingwaffle.blogspot.com

  132. Read “ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS” while listening to Romeo And Juliet, Ballet In 4 Acts, Op. 64, by Prokofiev, Sergey. You will love it.

  133. You are so freaking funny, Jenny! I LOL constantly when reading your blog! I make my husband read certain posts, he doesn’t laugh. What is wrong with him?!?! I seriously misjudged his sense of humor when we married! Oh well! I am apparently obsessed with exclamation points!!!!!!

  134. I don’t know if I already commented but I had to comment again because that’s a snufflelaughoupodjadofb (I can never spell that name right)

  135. Oh man! It seems you found something rarer than Sasquatch. You should sell donkey cards and donate to their conservation because that wonderful animal should never go extinct.

  136. I always knew Snuffleupagus was real.

    Also, if I send you some bread & gingersnaps, will you please bring them to Snuffie as a treat????? She looks like she needs a little pick-me-up.

    And, you know, a female donkey is called a jenny, so you’re kinda obligated now.

  137. Please please please tell me you have seen Wil Wheaton’s most recent blog, you TRENDSETTER you! LOL!!!

  138. Your posts have me laughing out loud in my empty house, and every time it happens I get a little startled – and then embarrassed – at the sound.
    Can I borrow your honey badger for Halloween?

  139. My grandfather worked with Sigmund and the Sea Monsters, so they were totally real. Or my grandpa was a liar, which would make this whole relationship with you really awkward if you’re calling my grandpa a liar, which I don’t think you would do because that’s just not your style. Of course, it was the early 70s and Sid and Marty Krofft were involved, and if you’ve seen any of their stuff, I assume you’ve come to the same conclusions I have about the potential drug use that might have been fueling their creative processes. So, who are we to judge what was “real”?

  140. While telling my boyfriend all about the super endangered dreadlock donkey and learning that there is a preservation society just a few hours from us he admitted that if I had not told him this vital information he was probably going to kill himself tomorrow. So THANKS the endangered dreadlocked donkey saved his life!

  141. Thank Deity you had a camera(phone). I was trying to figure out how to describe what it looked like without the actual photo. The only thing I could think of was that it looked like the floor of the play-doh barbershop after a long day.

    And poop.

  142. Ok.. seriously.. you’re in Texas and some donkey in your hood has that kinda hair? I’m thinking you should be calling the Humane Society (if they have a branch in Texas.. i’m just sayin .. i don’t know if you have such a thing down there).. ’cause Texas to me is known for heat (among other things like the Alamo and John Wayne and .. well, let’s not get into that) and that’s just wrong for that poor creature to be wearin that kinda coat in Texas heat..

  143. Okay, I want one.
    I have 4 siberian huskies and yeah, even if you have a labrapoodle and think you know what shedding is… you don’t.
    BUT, I think if I had one of these and kept it in the house and sprayed it with EndDust, I could have shiny, spotless floors. Also, everyone would get some needed exercise: the ass, the dogs and even me; I just don’t see a downside here. Granted, Siberians “do” kill goats and such but I am pretty sure they could not reach the vital bits through the dreadlock armor!

  144. Awesome. I want one… Partly to freak out the locals and have them think they’ve discovered a sasquatch or a snuffalufagus like you did, but mostly because anything that has bad hair days more often than I do will make ME look good ;p

  145. I am stuck reading every single post over at Animals Talking In All Caps!

    And, Wil Wheaton rocks!

    Also, that French donkey totally looks like Snuffy!!

  146. Do you use a portable recorder to accurately transcribe conversations with Victor, or do you just have a really good memory? Hmm… 😉

    I’m starting to think everything weird and unusual is fated to come to YOU and not the other way around.

  147. I’m not sure how I missed this, but I am dying. It reminds me of the time when I mistook a fox for a kangaroo…oh yes. I am special.

  148. 1. Only you could find a Rastafarian donkey in Texas. Duuude.

    2. Glad you posted “the donkey is normal” update. (I was worried about it until I learned the dreadlocks were normal.)

    3. You really need to make another street sign, one that reads “Rastafarian Donkey Crossing” or “Snuffleupagus Crossing”. Not only should that stop the speeding, but it will bring your neighbors to a complete halt.

  149. I want a miniature donkey with that EXACT hairdo. Possibly a fainting goat with that hairdo. Ugh. New life goals are complicated.

  150. well, yesterday I saw a lady riding her bike down the road with a lampshade on her head but no one believes me because it all happened so fast and I couldn’t get a picture..

    A freakin lampshade. . .

  151. I have fallen in love with you the way a fat girl falls in love with pastries. You have inspired my sister and I to start our own blog. I can’t wait to see what you get into next. I actually peed in my pants a little when I read about Beyonce (the giant cock).

  152. While I am sad that it was not indeed sasquatch, I am even more sad about the state of that poor donkey. I know… I should probably get my priorities straight. I wonder if we would get a fundraiser going to get the Snuffadonk groomed. Looks itchy.

  153. I refer to snuffalafugasuses a few times a month. Normally I get blank stares. I am glad you remember it as well.

  154. I love that you just fall into situations like that. I’ve never heard nor seen a donkey like that. And you’re just cruising down the road and BAM you find an endangered donkey. Pure awesomeness!

  155. It’s a good thing for Victor that this donkey was still alive, otherwise you might have bought it and brought it home.

  156. Holy crap, it does look like Sigmund the Sea Monster!

    Your husband gets massive kudos for referencing a child’s show from the 70’s and 80’s that could only have been created while the writers were on massive amounts of hallucinogenics.

    (And yes, I watched that show a lot!)

  157. that poor guy is neglected looking, those dreadlocks need to be cut out, the pulling of the tangles can cause skin tearing over time.

  158. “You need to brush your donkey…” Hysterical! I loved that line. I am still laughing. Crying and laughing. Thank you for making my day a gajillion times funnier.

  159. This has to be my favorite post everrrrrr! I think I might say that a lot on your blog. Which just means it’s true every time.

    Lifetime needs to make a TV movie about this. Seriously. I was on the edge of my seat.

    Best,
    Li

  160. That is a bizarre looking donkey. Although I recently saw an incredibly hairy donkey and thought it was a fluke. Apparently they are very popular.

  161. New as of now: Gifting my in-laws’ farm with a Poitou Ass and a Highland Cow for Christmas.

    Also, I totally own 10 Little Zombies, and it’s amazing. Many of the others are on my Christmas list.

    And I have no children.

  162. I think the story would have been even more redeeming if it had turned out to be Snuffie. He was my favorite!

    My sister was retarded and loved Big Bird the best. BIG BIRD! I think it’s just because he got his own movie. She’s such a star fucker.

  163. Hahaha! That’s great! You know, you’re lucky to have seen one of those!
    This post made me laugh a lot and I needed that today. <3

  164. I think Dredlock Donkey is slightly more interesting than a Sasquatch. I wish I had seen this before deciding to dog with Zombie Bride and Groom for Halloween

  165. I had no idea that Snuffleupagus was a long haird donkey. All this time and I never knew. I feel bad, like I betrayed him my entire childhood. Your blog is highly educational. Can we have a “Save the Long Haired Donkey” fundraiser and shirts?

  166. Your daughter looks like the child of that Whitesnake guy and Tawny Kitane (wtf ever her name is) and she is busting up the car her mom slutted around on in the Whitesnake videos. Yeah.

  167. Okay, I have a sudden desire to crochet a rainbow patterned beret for this dread-locked donkey and stick a reefer in its mouth. That would be so bad ass — or so jack ass. I’m not sure. Anyway, I don’t know why the owners don’t capitalize on this animals looks. Maybe go nuts with a curling iron and submit it in a Shirley Temple look-alike contest. Do you think it can tap dance? Bet those hooves could make a lot of noise on the stage.

  168. Craziest looking donkey ever.

    Reminded me of the time my husband did not believe I saw a mountain lion until sightings became a regular theme in the local newspaper.

  169. If I had a bff heart split into 2 pieces (jaggedly, of course) I would totally send you half and I would wear my half every fucking day.

  170. Thank you, I’ve just been looking for information about this topic for ages and yours is the best I’ve found out so far. But, what in regards to the conclusion? Are you sure concerning the source?|What i don’t realize is in reality how you’re not actually a lot more neatly-preferred than you might be right now. You are so intelligent.

  171. O.M.G!!! Anytime i’m having a bad day and need a laugh, I pop over here and read about Snuffles. I had a client prance through my office while I was in mid laugh-til-snot-is-pouring-out-my-nose and tears strolling down my face. He know thinks I have a disease.

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