I have a problem

Conversation I had with Victor while Hailey was playing on the playground.

me:  Does Hailey’s cup say “Vagina” on it?

Victor:  Um.  What?

me:  Vagina.  It looks like Hailey’s cup says “vagina” on it.

Victor:  It doesn’t.  Like, at all.

me:  Well, I figured.  But it looks like it.

Victor:  No.  No, it doesn’t.

me:  Hang on.  Let me take a picture from my angle.

Victor:  Wow.  That...totally looks like it says “vagina”.

me:  Exactly.

PS.  It actually says “Imagination”.  Something I needed very little of to find a vagina in that cup.

*********

In non-related news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up.  Let’s get started, shall we?

What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by posh brood, a free catalogue of upscale, luxe and hop vacation spots that are mom-tested.  Their slogan is “Offspring.  Don’t leave home without them.”  Which is a good mantra since it’s illegal to leave your baby at home alone, even if there are cats there with them.  Trust me on this one.  Anyway, you should check them out because they’re awesome and they’ll keep you from getting arrested.  Plus you need a vacation.

122 thoughts on “I have a problem

Read comments below or add one.

  1. OMG I looked at the picture before I read the post and I thought, “Who is giving kids cups that say ‘VAGINA’ on them?” I thought perhaps it was a kid drink from The Vagina Monologues show or something…

  2. It’s about time they made a vagina cup. The jock strap has monopolized the genitalia protection market long enough.

    Of course the straw is baffling. Im guessing it’s for ventilation. A vagina needs to breathe.
    I learned that in band camp.

    I’m joking. I never went to band camp. I played the harp and they don’t let you play the harp in band. It’s hard to carry onto the football field.

  3. It *completely* looks like “vagina.” I think we all know what needs to happen now. The Bloggess Vagina Cup. Could you incorporate Juanita into it? I think a Juanita Weasel Vagina Cup is epic win.

  4. The vagina is clear and understandable. I am confused what Imagination has to do with a toddler in football gear standing next to a trash dump with a huge bottle cap. Where the hell are you taking your kid?

  5. I’d like to imagine a vagina cup in your shop. Can you make that happen? Because everyone needs to drink out of a cup honoring lady bits.

  6. I can tell right now, other mothers are going to be calling you, not happy with you giving your kid Vagina cups. Or with any number of other questions that might come up after their children visit your house.

  7. Imagination….vagina…it’s just like how boys spend high school! Except your daughter isn’t a boy or in high school. Hmm.

  8. Okay, not only does it say ‘vagina’ but it also has a large open receptacle with stuff flying out of it and a young man, wearing a helmet, no less, who appears he may jump in head first.

    If you would just add, “being witnessed by an alpaca” and you would have an accurate description of an unfortunate intimate moment I once experienced.

    The similarities are scary.

  9. Dear Bloggess,
    I see you on Pinterest, but I didn’t see a board for your book. You should make a book board. (Try not to freak people out too much with it)
    Have a friend who’s made collages to start her writing process for years, and I often gather images, but there wasn’t a way to share them easily until Pinterest. I made a board for my new book: http://pinterest.com/teresahillbooks/the-edge-of-heaven-by-teresa-hill/
    Made me so happy.

  10. I bet mcdonald’s would be more careful with their cups. Sure,they make dinner for kids out of pink paste, but they’re not giving kids vagina inscribed cups. Just sayiin’.

  11. I think Hailey is the bravest, most courageous kid on the planet….for not calling social services on any number of occasions. But the, she _is_ a product of your gene pool.

    Vote for Hailey! Kid of the Year!

  12. Well, I never knew there was vagina in imagination, but now I see it (and it cannot be unseen). Also, that girl in the news background really made my evening.

  13. Yes, vagina does exist (on that cup). Did you also point this out to Hailey? It’s never too early to learn how to spot genital names on signage.

  14. That cup is spectacular! And that you saw that in it is outstanding.

    That cockatoo diving into the chocolate deal is one of the funniest things EVER!!!!! OMG. I hope he turned out alright…chocolate is toxic to parrots. Or so my parrot’s vet says.

  15. Good morning! Great when that first read of the day makes you spit your coffee out with a snort. From a cup that doesn’t say ‘Vagina’ on it.

  16. Ok I SERIOUSLY need the “no peeing” thing as a bumper sticker. Everyone I’ve ever taken on a road trip knows that Rule #1 is “no peeing in the car”.

  17. So I clicked into the post using my phone and saw the picture before I read the post and thought…wow, she found a cup that says vagina. How does she do that?

  18. So good to know that there are other people out there that also pick up the wrong words of things. Also funny is when people think they know what things say. A girl told my Japanese daughter that her tattoo said “love” my Sayaka replied, “No it does not it says fruit.”

  19. I gotta say, that looks more like “Vagtina” to me.

    I suspect Vagtina would be somewhere in the sideshows rather than in the actual circus.

    Vagtina cries her eyes out every night, stinking of carnies. Everything she does comes to naught. Nothing she can do will get her out of the sideshow life. She hates her wagon. She hates the damn clowns. She hates the roustabouts.

    She cannot hate the elephants, though.

    They seem so wise, so knowing. So huge. They look at you and blink purposefully. They smell of hay and sweat, not unpleasant.

    Sometimes, they raise a foot in support.

    Vagtina reached out and touched the trunk of an elephant. For one shining moment, all felt at peace.

  20. To me the image on the cup looks less like a dumpster and more like a chest filled with clothes and treasure and stuff. Which is evidently a deeply symbolic (and sex-positive) thing to put on a cup that says “vagina”. In fact, the whole thing reeks of profound symbolism (drinking through a straw, young boy with sunglasses and protective helmet). Probably.

    Freud would have a field day…

  21. You know sometimes you get that feeling where you think ‘Ok, this is it. This is how the internet ends for me. There cannot possibly be anything on the internet that I have not seen that will be more bizarre than this moment.’?
    I just had that. While watching a rabbit herding sheep.

    A rabbit.
    Herding sheep.

    *BOOM* That’s the sound of my ability to process the world we live in, blowing the fuck up.

  22. Wow, when I saw this in thumbnail version I was trying to guess what it actually said…not that your kid wouldn’t have a cup with vagina on it… My guess was Wagtails. But it does look like that from your angle, which explains the look on the little boy’s face on the cup.

    WG

  23. Uh, yeah. That was not an imaginative stretch in the least. When the pic showed up on my dashboard, I thought to myself, you know, Jenny has gone around the bend. Now she is designing vagina cups for zazzle. Thank goodness that was not the case.

  24. I could totally go for a huge cup of vagina right now. As long as it just has some essence of vagina, and not actual pureed vagina.

  25. Some guy in a cubicle who designed that cup is giggling gleefully over his arrangement of the lettering on that cup. He just KNOWS that people will question the wording, but not be brave enough to mention it on the internet. Guess you showed HIM, Jenny. No vagina goes unnoticed on The Bloggess’ watch.

  26. The rabbits were almost as good as the vagina!

    (And there’s a sentence I am fairly certain has never been uttered before. Thank God.)

  27. I think you should make a vagina cup. Well. Not a cup that looks like a vagina, although there may actually be a niche market for that. But a cup that says vagina on it. People would buy it. But don’t put a picture of a vagina on it, because that might get you arrested. Or at least the people who buy the vagina cups. I’m going to stop talking now.

  28. What a kid-friendly little cup. Excellent.

    P.S. I got an ARC of your book – I’m about halfway through and laughing all the way! (It’s like a Christmas carol, but with more penises and stabbing.)

  29. Yeah, it certainly didn’t take much imagination to see vagina on that cup. People gotta start looking at things from all angles! 🙂

  30. I love your artwork from the Houston Chronicle. The pictures are bright and colorful yet totally comforting. Can you Zazzle that?

  31. I spot words that aren’t meant to be what they look like all the time. I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who does this. This is a clear sign that Victor lacks imagination. I can only guess he lacks a vagina too.

  32. It just looks like it says “vagina”. It actually says “angina”, which is a warning that “if you drink too much of the {stuff} that is in this cup, it will cause you heart problems.”

    ~EdT.

  33. I thought only guys saw vaginas everywhere. Cool!

    –Mike

    P.S.

    This is humor. Women are much more than vaginas to me. I shouldn’t have to put this here, but you never know.

  34. There are posters up all over campus for a production of The Vagina Monologues. I keep seeing them and thinking it says, “The Angina Monologues.”

  35. I had a bumper sticker that said “I <3 my imaginary boyfriend." My ex wanted to tear off boyfriend and parts of imaginary to change it to "I <3 my vagina." Luckily, he never got around to it. I have a feeling it would have gotten my car keyed for crudeness in the small town my family lived in.

  36. You should design “vagina” coffee mugs for your store. It would absolutely cut down on women losing their favorite mug to their husband or visitors.

  37. I took a photo of an unfortunate drawing of a “train” made of “bread” on a Penn Station cup for kids. Looks like a big penis to me. The photo is on it’s way to your inbox.

  38. In high school volleyball, we played a team from Bad Axe whose mascot was the Hatchets. When their jerseys were at the right angle it looked like they were the Bad Ass Bitches. Which would have been way cooler.

  39. “Dangerous Lilly February 25, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    At least it might say “vagina” instead of “hooha”.”

    This had me giggling, then a little sober. You’re absolutely right. But the idea of a cup that says “hooha” on it is still hi-larious.

  40. Hmmm… what would be worse? I cup with the word vagina on it, or a vagina with the word cup on it? I think I’ll leave that question for the masses.

    The end.

  41. OMG! so glad you linked to the BADGERMIN! I came here to inform you and you were way ahead.

    Badgermin don’t give a f*ck…

    Love you (platonically, internettically, with chocolate on top)

  42. My best friend and I LOVE Juanita! Is there any way we can get the water bottle with her on it that says “Jazz Hands!” and “Fame! I’m gonna live forever!”? If so you would have two people in Texas that would use those daily and proudly! Thanks for making us laugh every day!

  43. I’m dying reading this. When I was a student teacher there was a club at our school called Destination Imagination. Some awesome kids turned “imagination” into “vagina”. None of the teacher said anything because a. whoever did it was a genius and b. we loved walking past it and pumping our fists in the air saying “Destination? Vagina!”

    Jenna
    callherhappy.com

  44. That PoshBrood site is totally awesome! They have amazing photos and great detailed reviews. Kid friendly yet mom approved!

    Thanks!
    ~Allie

  45. Ha! That is totally like the time I was finally putting and end to a bad day and went to the bathroom before bed and looked over at the kids’ shampoo bottle sitting in the tub.. it looked like Hello Kitty was flipping me the bird.

  46. I have had a Disapproving Rabbits t-shirt for years. Gets lots of attention. I think people think it’s Playboy at first. Which is awesome.

  47. I was originally reading this post in Google Reader, and instead of a photo of the cup, there was a black-and-white photo of Billie Holiday. I was terribly confused until I clicked through to here & saw the correct photo.

  48. I just showed my boyfriend the picture and asked him what the cup said. He replied “Vagina!” I think this proves it.

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