USE YOUR IVAGINATION

in Random Crap

Phone conversation with my friend Karen:

Karen:  Hello?

me:  So I’m making a lingerie business.

Karen:  Or you could just start with “Hello”.  Either way.

me:  I’m too excited for greetings.  I just made a new kind of lingerie for people who hate to wear lingerie.  It’s a giant sleep shirt but it says “USE YOUR IVAGINATION“.  Get it?  Because it’s comfy and it’s telling people “I have a vagina“.  Which is kind of sexy.  And if your guy doesn’t like it it’s his fault for not having enough creativity.  Because they need to use their imagination.

Karen:  Wow.

me:  I kind of want to buy one for everyone I know.  Is that weird?  Buying lingerie for people I don’t want to have sex with?

Karen:  It’s…a little weird.  You’re selling it in your store?

me:  Yeah.  AND for my model I used a guy who looks just like Chris Farley.

Karen:  Um…why?

me:  Because I like Chris Farley.  Plus, every woman who looks at the picture will be like “Wow.  I am totally going to look sexier than that guy in my ivagination shirt.”  AND THEY WILL.

You will look way sexier than this guy. It's practically guaranteed.

Karen: You know what I’m thinking?

me: That I should totally start my own lingerie business.

Karen: You should…totally start your own lingerie business.

PS.  Yes, this is a lingerie business inspired by a kid’s cup.  Stop judging me.

PPS.  If the words “Brian Boitano with an ice cream sandwich” don’t mean anything to you then you need to go catch up on my favorite post ever.

167 thoughts on “USE YOUR IVAGINATION”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Wow. You’re right. I do want to buy one so I’m guaranteed to look sexier than that guy. It’s a win-win. But maybe a lose for him? No. It’s a win for him because he gets to inspire lots of other women and improve their self esteem. Wins for all.

    In case you can’t tell, I’m totally using my ivagination right now.

  2. I wish there were a gift giving occasion coming up sooner than Mother’s Day. Maybe we can start one. Ivagination Day? I’m all in.

  3. All I can picture now is SpongeBob saying use your INVAGGINNNAAAATION to Patrick. The picture in my head is wrong, just wrong.

  4. What if it backfires? I dunno about the rest of you, but now if someone ever asks me to “use my ivagination” I’m going to picture THAT guy! Bahahahahaha!

    That is also quite possibly the creepiest inspiration for a lingerie business ever…

  7. “I’m starting my own lingerie business” is far better than just saying hello.

    More people should begin conversations by talking about their personal elastic. Especially the better kind of underpants.

    More power to you for starting this fine trend!

  8. THAT is lingerie I would wear everyday! But I’ll refrain from showing my husband the Chris Farley lookalike– lest I ruin the whole experience for him.

  9. there are seriously no words

    apart from the fact I would wear this to work, and totally smirk every time someone tells me cinemax is too racy

  10. Jen…. can you get ANY more genius?! or FUNNY?!?!?! Oh my heavens, you make me laugh… and the Brian Boitano post is DEFINITELY a favorite now!!!

  12. Hmm… I don’t know. That guy looks pretty sexy in that shirt

  15. I’d totally wear that shirt. Even though I don’t have a vagina. I need to find a new one.

  18. Not only is this genius as lingerie, but I think you’ve started a whole new catch phrase for when anything is not sexy enough. “Oh, just use your ivagination!”

  20. That model looks like one of those dolls that comes with a hat, but the then hat was pulled off a long time ago, so now there’s this mess of fake hair that was never meant to be seen.

  21. Hmm. I wonder if Brian Boittano or Matthew Broderich could be persuaded to wear your sexy lingerie?

    And maybe be tied up with twine… you know… ivagibondage-like?

  22. I can only ivagine what’s going to hit the world of sexy weirdness next.

    Why is it you don’t have your own Ann Summers franchise?

    We’re missing out on some great stuff …

  24. Jenny, Jenny, JENNY!!! Since this shirt is likely to be one of those inventions that is ‘too hot’ for Zazzle to leave open, this is the pefect time for me to bring up my idea of a tab on your blog with links to all of the stuff you’ve made that they won’t show on your public storefront. You know … in all your free time … That would be totally awesome, I am positive that I’ve wanted things that you’ve blogged and then not found them when I go directly to your store (let’s face it, I am far too lazy to dig back through the archives to try to find a direct link)

    Pretty please with a cherry on top?

  25. I just used my imagination and go with out clothes. Of COURSE I have clothes, they are just invisble. But if you could see then you would be amazed. Ive got mad imaginary style.

  28. I’m way too tired for sex which is why I may have to buy one plus put the picture of your Chris Farley look alike on the back of my bathroom door so it imprints on hubby’s brain. So everytime I wear it … I’m betting he will fall asleep faster than me

  29. My mom sent me a GINORMOUS sleep shirt with little tropical trees and suns and buckets and whatnots.

    She thought it would comfort me as I live in the midwest but I’m from California.

    Oh yes mom, that makes it all better.

    I feel like the wearing of a giant sleepshirt ALREADY tells people you have a vagina.

    Besides, it should be “Knock Knock – I have a Vagina MotherFucker!”

  30. I feel like that’s the best lingerie marketing strategy EVER. Bathing suits should be done this way too.

  33. Baggy t-shirts are the best thing to wear to sleep, hands down. I like that your lingere would bypass the step where I explain this to my boyfriend. He’ll just have to imagine I’m in lingere, and not the most comfy thing ever.

  34. I’ve never posted before, but after seeing Brian with an ice cream sandwich, I just have to say I love you. Thanks fr making me laugh.

  35. Part about this is just SEEING the shirt made me feel “more sexy.” And when I say “more sexy” I mean “sexy like I was 15 years ago before the kids and the surgeries and the discovery of sugary cereal as a panacea for feelings.”

  36. In my mind, whenever I say Ivagination a rainbow pops out of my spread hands… like that one episode of Spongebob… its fucking glorious!!

    I just added Ivagination to my spell check for further use… because auto correct is a cockblocker..

  37. Chris Farley was hot, especially in tight plaid trousers.
    Please tell your people to print this right. Because I actually BOUGHT A TANK TOP that says “i am bossy” and the fucking lettering was situated so strangely, right under my tits. NOT SEXY.

  38. Can you make a square below the words out of the kind of fabric you can write on? So you can use your ivagination to write or draw sexy things on it before you go to bed! And any guy will like the shirt a thousand times more if it says on it what his chances are for getting laid that night.

  40. This is awesome. Plus under the shirt zazzle just lists random t-shirt reviews & the first is about some elderly parent’s anniversary so if you don’t pay attention to it being a different product it totally reads like the parent’s wore Ivagination shirts for their anniversary. Cracked me up.

  41. Anyone know how to pin on the Gifts section of Pinterest? I’m thinking Mother’s Day is coming up and a lot of people will need ideas….screw the flowers and brunch! Gimme sexah jammas!

  45. Chris Farley was legend! Farley in lingerie, not so much. In Ninja pajamas, yes.
    I don’t have that big an ivagination.

    WG

  46. Ohhhh, SNAP!!!! FINALLY something I can rock harder than the person wearing it in the ad.

    You’re a genius, Jenny!

    Hence why you are totally my hero!

  47. You want to start a lingerie shop? Then make a sleep shirt with that picture of Brian Boitano with the ice cream sandwich. That is awesomely sexy, and I would totally wear it.

  49. I totally need this shirt! He loves lingerie and I put it on to take off again so what’s the freakin point! Just let me be comfortable!

  53. Good God! I just looked in the mirror (something I haven’t done in the new year). I bear a striking resemblance to the guy in the photo but with bosoms and a darker mustache.

  54. Screw using that ivagination stuff. I hope to eventually use my actual vagina again someday.

    I’ll just ivagine it’ll happen soon.

  55. So, at this point, when I’m reading this out loud to myself (what? it drowns out the voices *on the inside*), I TOTALLY have Karen speaking like she just woke up.

  56. I missed the updates! Now I have “What would Brian Boitano do” in my head! You have no idea how much joy it brings me to know that somewhere in NYC, Matthew Brodric is calling to SJP to come to the computer and see the picture of the dead weasel in a dress…she’s on my mind tonight because I just came back from driving across town to my parents’ house to reset the clock on my parent’s cable box because that was easier than trying to talk them thru it on the phone, and while I was there my mother was talking to me and out of the blue she said “Sex in the City is so FUN” in front of my 85 year old father…and she doesn’t watch the show, so I got all grossed out until she said it was a slot machine in the Casino – and now I need brain bleach.

  58. Not to dis on your friend Karen, but if I’d been the friend Karen who discussed this lingerie shop, we’d be selling way more than this shirt. My husband could be the model (think Farley with a dark buzz cut) and we’d make you even more money. Plus, we could market it like the Trailer Park Boys at Christmas (weed and hash, get yer weed an’ hash). It goes right along with the 8lbs of uncut cocaine theme.

  59. You also need to come out with a line of crotchless panties with that printed on them… But only for people with hideous vaginas OR tiny penises.

  60. It needs matching boxer shorts. Or big, cotton granny panties! For full effect, the under-layer can say, “Ivagine harder!”
    Although, I suppose that would have its own undertones… ahem.

  62. OMG everyone seems to be having amazing, giddy (read furiously happy), top of the world kind of days this week. It’s sort of pathetic, but I suspect that learning Matthew Broderick reads your blog was on the same level as my reading a comment on my blog by you. Thank you. And I am totally going to buy those night shirts for my two sisters in law. and me.

  63. I predict IVAGINATION will make it on to the new words list for 2012. It is so inVAGdibly rife with meaning, so rich with inVAGlection, so, so, so inVAGinating!

    All hail inVAGinator of new words, not to mention lingerie!

  64. Is there a kind of guarantee? What if we DON’T look hotter than the guy in the photo? Are you saying your t-shirt can fix that? Sign me up for three. I have ugly people in my life. 😉

  66. OMG – for a second, I thought you had VICTOR modeling the shift. I freakin’ freaked.
    then my eyes refocused and I saw you’d gotten some dude wandering around in the Hill Country to model it. [probably one of my cousins I’ve not seen in a while]

    I must take to my bed. Totally phaklempted. Or however you spell that.

    PS: I **STILL** see those hands in the background of your photo with twine…. Lordy, girl, they might jump off of there and hide under the bed and suck our your life force when you go to swing your feet over the side of the bed. Just a thought. Sweet dreams….

  67. For a minute I sat in my chair looking at a photo of a Chris Farley lookalike wearing a “Use Your Ivagination” T-shirt. Wondering if he was telling the world he has a vagina.

    This is what it means, to be a Bloggess reader.

  68. I was wondering if I could get an app for this on my iphone . I want to download it so that I can use my ivagination all the time wherever I am. I think it could come in handy. Also, I was wondering if your model is single. Because I am. And if he really is like Chris Farley then he’s probaby funny and I love funny guys. Plus I would be the good looking one in the relationship. And I promised myself after my husband ran away with one of his students that I would never date someone better looking than me again. I’m probably overestimating my attractiveness right now but I was just using my ivagination.

  72. You know who you remind me of? My friend Christine. She’s a unicorn in every possible sense. Except I guess literally. Anyway. The part where that reminds me of you is that you are both MAGICAL and FULL OF WHIMSY.

    Could you come up with some special lingerie that addresses the sharking issue?

    In case you are not familiar, sharking = http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1397

  73. I would get one of those for myself and where it to work. I work at the Sheriff’s Office and the cops would pester me to no end. I know I would get a bunch of gay jokes, but it would be worth it.

  74. Holy crap, that does look like Chris Farley.

    Too bad Zazzle doesn’t have “make your own snuggie” things. I think “Ivagination” would be a total snuggie seller.

  76. I told my daughter about Brian Boitano et al, and god I love it, but she’s still giggling about Apparel Ella Graham. Me too.

  78. This is destined to be the most effective birth control device in the history of the world.

    Better than ‘I have a headache’.

    Better than ‘I’m late’.

    Better than ‘I just want to COMMUNICATE!’

    Ack.

    I just cannot get this image out of my mind.

    Thanks you SO MUCH, Jenny.

    Might as well go be a monk.

    Rats.

  79. That’s hot! You should sell this idea to Victoria’s Secret! It will be great for their primetime lingerie show!

  80. Jenny, I couldn’t find an email address for you on the site, except the one for advertising, but I ran across this webcomic (NSFW, btw) and this episode made me laugh and think: The Bloggess would probably think this was funny as F*ck. Enjoy!

    http://oglaf.com/bliss/1/

  82. How about I just keep my sweats, sweatshirt, fluffy socks and pink clogs on and tell my husband to use his ivagination? He does anyway and has for 17 years. 🙂

  85. I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you…thank you for the crazy awesomeness of you…thank you for making me laugh so hard I almost pee myself…thank you for letting me see that even though I am a little crazy at times it’s ok, because that’s just me, and I am AWESOME! I recently introduced a friend to your blog and she couldn’t thank me enough. So thank from her too. I have another friend that I am trying to convince to buy a stuffed boar head (that is smiling, of course) in hopes that James Garfield will have a pen pal.

  86. I’m not actually sure I do look sexier than that guy. I mean, he’s kind of pretty in a ‘could be a really butch woman’ sort of way. I don’t have a vagina because I’m a man, but can I wear one anyway? I think it would work in an ironic sort of way.

  87. It’s important to find inspiration around you. I’m so glad this has led to such a positive development.

  89. So, umm, okay. Stick with me here. I know you are worked up and all buttttt. If a chick isnt down with the whole leopard print sex napkin thing. (What I call skimpy lingerie) Maybe. Just maybe. Going full on nekkie might get the point across. Unless you are a nudist which would involve obscene gestures and thrusting motions to get the point of across. I dont know about you, but if a member of the opposite sex and she is nekkie, something is getting hot man chowder..and it wont be a dirty sock for a change!

    I apologize for the graphic nature of post. No, I dont. I was just being polite.

  91. If “ivagination” isn’t a slang word for imagining a woman naked, it should be. Heck, “blamestorming” made it into Oxford’s dictionary.

  93. Beware people of the internet who have overactive imaginations: Using your Ivagination with this model’s head may induce throwing up in your mouth a little, explosive diarrhea, and herpes.

    The End

  94. I love to use my ivagination.. 😀 Sometimes wild minds for a business can make your business more interesting..

  95. The problem is when I think invagination I think it sounds like the name for that super lube the gyno uses and then I just feel weird inside.

    I think you should put this on a mug too. But with no explanation. Could you imagine carrying that around the office? Acting like it was totally normal? That would be sweet. You might be unemployed soon, but hey you would have a sweet mug.

  97. I am INCREDIBLY grateful that you noted the updates on the Nathon Fillion post. It completely made my morning. Stupid Google Reader doesn’t re-post when something has been updated.
    Luckily, you knew I wouldn’t have seen it and wanted to bring some extra joy into my Friday morning.
    Thank you.

  99. If there was ever a time to use your celebrity hobnobbing skills, it would be now – getting Rod Stewart to sing the jingle for this to the tune of ‘Infatuation.’

    I would totally download that shit from iTunes.

  101. you just come up with more and more great stuff, the Brian Boitano post is DEFINITELY my all time favourite….brill

  102. I almost feel like there should be an illustration on that shirt. NOT A PICTURE OF *THAT*! Just some kind of abstract art that, if you hold your head just right, MIGHT look like a vagina. I think that takes it to the next level. 🙂

  103. You’ll be happy to know that my fantasy football team for the past few years has been named “Invagi Nation”, because I’m a neuroscientist who studies vaginas and likes to make the dudes on my team squirm.

  104. I would buy one of those. Hands down. Guaran-fucking-teed.
    That’s brilliant.

    I’m not entirely sure it’s possible to look sexier than that model though. Did you see that stache?

  105. So, I’m laughing reading this in bed last night, and hubby wants to know what’s funny. I read the post to him. Later, he’s feeling frisky, and I’m like “dude, it’s Thursday” which was totally lost on him, so I used the old “I haven’t shaved my legs” excuse to which he said “That’s okay, I’ll use my Ivagination”. And THAT is why I will never read him this blog again.

  108. Holy shit Jenny!! I’ve adored Brian Boitano since I watched him skate to Olympic gold in ’88 and now I declare him, Matthew Broderick and everyone else who partook (is that a word?) in the silliness a god or goddess in their own right. As for the lingerie idea, awesomeness!! I am lucky in that my husband isn’t a fan of me wearing lingerie, but your idea rocks!! 😀

  109. I effing hate lingerie and I would TOTALLY wear that shirt, and I might look better than the model. And someday I hope to achieve something as great and wonderful as your receiving a pic of Brian Boitano holding an ice cream sandwich with a pair of tongs. You inspire me to do more. 🙂

  111. Pure Vagenius! Yes. I said Vagenius. It’s kinda my word. That and Shitballs.

  112. I’m totally singing the old Imagination song from Figment’s ride at EPCOT right now, only now it’s turned into “Ivagination”. Ivaaagination! Ivaaaagination! A dream can be a dream come true, with just that spark in me and you!

  113. This is amazing! And PLEASE keep linking to that other post whenever there’s an update. I would hate to miss out on Matthew Broderick holding a welding torch or Brian Boitano with some pinking shears!

  114. That’s pretty much what I sleep in anyway (the t-shirt, not the Chris Farley guy, because that would make me a serial killer. “Yes honey, we can go to sleep as soon as I skin on of the fat guys in our cellar! It rubs the lotion on it’s skin…” Sorry, wow.. tangent…) so I can continue to wear my normal t-shirt to bed, and call it lingerie. Brilliant!

  115. But what if you think the word “vagina” is really creepy and makes you flinch when you hear it? Um…not that I do that. Really. I’m talking about some other person with crippling issues.

  116. if I say I use ivagination a lot does that make me weird, or just male? I also picture spongebob saying it, and I feel much better about it

  117. Ivagination! Only you, Jenny. #108 – Vagenius is a great word too. This is the second or third time I’ve had to use the word vagina in a comment on your blog. Vagina, vagina, vagina. Oh dear look what you’ve started.

  120. I swear to GOD, if you don’t adopt me as your sister…also – screw the bookplate…send me one of your Couture Lingerie Tee’s. Grawr.

  121. You should market this shirt to the phonesex population, they need all the help with ivagination they can get. I’ll pick one up for my roommate.

  125. that makes way more sense than normal lingerie which just gets worn for like two seconds anyway so IMO it’s a total waste of money….. at least this one you could wear more often cuz it actually looks more comfortable than any other lingerie I’ve seen.

  126. “I’m too excited for greetings!” is my new favorite thing to say when I see people I know! Totally stealing it (but will reference this post/blog, of course. Um…how do you make a footnote for in-person conversations?)
    Not that the other words in this post arent brilliant…..but, you know…..Apparently I’m too excited for goodbye’s now too! 🙂

  127. I LOVE this post, especially because I can pretend that *I* had that conversation with you! Hey, I just used MY ivagination! yaaaaay!

  128. I’m told that the only way to become a good blogger is to comment on some famous blogger’s post, and that’s what I’m doing now. Plus I love vaginas, so I kind of win in a couple of different ways today. Bring on the paychecks.

  129. Okay, the first review listed under this says, and I’m totally not making this up:

    I bought 2 of these shirts for my parents 60th wedding anniversary. They live in the Far East so I have not seen the shirts but they arrived on time and they are delighted with them. They are having a small party and I belive they are going to wear the shirts under their clothes and then strip off at the dinner to reveal the shirts. They are very difficult to buy for so I am very pleased they like them so much. I am so glad I didn’t send flowers!

    (I’m aware that the person is reviewing the zazzle shirt and not this specific design on it, but until I realized that I was SO VERY AMUSED.)

  131. When I went to your store, it let me “try” it on other models. Am I allowed to say how awesome it looked on the sexy black dude pointing to his chest? Whew!

  135. Are we aware that the first review about this shirt is this:
    60th Wedding Anniversary

    by Mr (See all my reviews)
    2/15/2012
    About the product:
    I bought 2 of these shirts for my parents 60th wedding anniversary. They live in the Far East so I have not seen the shirts but they arrived on time and they are delighted with them. They are having a small party and I belive they are going to wear the shirts under their clothes and then strip off at the dinner to reveal the shirts. They are very difficult to buy for so I am very pleased they like them so much. I am so glad I didn’t send flowers!
    About the print:
    I have not seen them but I understand they look great

    I thought she bought them ivagination shirts. That would be a lot better.

  136. I’m using my ivagination just THINKING about the possibilities. PS. Can you design same for men? Maybe something along the lines of “Using my ivagination. Please don’t penisize me. You’re hot and I can’t help myself.”

  139. Yep, I think that even I would look sexier than that guy. Slightly. Although I could be his sister. Or cousin. Or both his sister AND cousin.

  141. I started reading this…and said to my husband..it’s the cup!! She got this from the cup..LOL

  143. Yes, I just purposefully googled ‘brian boitano with an ice cream sandwich’ to get to this post. I can’t wait to see what the next batch of awesome keyword referrals are.

  144. Wait…are you sure the Catholic Bishops haven’t hacked this blog to create sex-supression clothing? If so, they’re doing a fine job.

  145. so… speaking of innappropriate… THIS is an awesome response to the knees together madness AspirinIsTheNewBirthControl (dot) com

    This is not a spam comment… I seriously think you’ll love it.

  147. I brought my yellow and maroon Possum Posse shirt on a romantic vacation last weekend, and my husband said it was one of my sexier t-shirts. I felt kinda bad that he was so easily impressed. The t-shirt—cool as it is—is the color of pee after a vitamin B12.

  148. Where was this on Valentines day? I had to get my wife the “I love going down mug”???

  149. That’s not |LONG ENOUGH| for a sleepshirt.

    All my ass cheeks (standard, and extra baggage) will be hanging out the bottom.

    Some women’s vulvas may even hang out.

    Jenny, you gotta lengthen that shit! THEN, I’d buy it and still not let my husband have sex with me!

    ==================================

  150. I don’t kiss ass so I won’t beat around the bush here. Family Guy already did a play on the vagina last month or so. Here is the clip: http://youtu.be/cIPMrOyJlTk

    Vagician vs. Ivagination= time for a vote.

    (OOOooooOOOOrrrr you could have a his and hers t-shirt. I’m sure you can figure out who’s is who’s.)

  151. O
    M
    G
    !!!

    I totally want one of these…… soon I might have to add a new section to my budget – “Bloggess Store stuff that I need!”

  155. That’s so cool! and it could be in a variety of colors, so we could each pick our “good” color, and look EVEN BETTER!

    You’re so clever.

  157. I think you should take it one step further and offer a vibrator called the Ivagrator along with the tee shirt, for one low price.

  165. By ‘this’ I mean your blog, not necessarily ‘Ivagination’. But I’ll take what I can get…

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