Normal squirrels don’t sit like that. Just saying.

in mixing medications, Nathan Fillion: It's complicated, no one thinks this is funny but me, Posts that will get me hate mail, Random Crap

My friend April from Regretsy practically threatened to stab me in the face when she thought I’d outbid her on this insane taxidermied squirrel who is flashing his little squirrel nut-sack at the world.  (Click the link.  You need to see this shit.)  I assured April that she was very off-base, as we were BOTH being outbid on it.  I considered telling her we should pool our resources and just share the squirrel like recently divorced parents, but then I saw this little treasure:

Well, hello there.

And yes, at first I saw what you’re probably seeing….a strangely posed, non-nutsacked, extremely dead squirrel in a very unnatural position.  And then I looked  a little closer and realized that my current cell phone cover is cracked and that this would make a fucking fantastic replacement.  Not just because it would be fuzzyy and ergonomic if I need to hold it against my shoulder, but also because it would hardly ever get lost in my purse, and no one would accidentally pick up my phone thinking it was theirs.  Plus, when I put my phone on the table at restaurants it would just look like a squirrel was hanging out with me, and squirrels only hang out with cool people.  And if I put my phone on vibrate the squirrel would buzz across the table like he was alive and growling.

It’s like the best accessory ever.

me, on my squirrel phone

PS.  I probably should have waited until the bidding was over before I posted about this.  Damn it, Jenny.

PPS.  If you only check my blog once a day you may have missed it yesterday when I promised Simon Pegg that I’d leave Nathan Fillion alone and then my good karma was reward by Wil Wheaton and Jeri Ryan and the whole world sending me pictures of their spatulas.

Just your typical Monday, really.

233 thoughts on “Normal squirrels don’t sit like that. Just saying.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. When you said, “Click the link. You need to see this shit” I did. Even though I know full well that you’re crackers. Almond milk went out my nostrils.

    Almond milk is way less painful than soda. And less likely to cause an infection than cow’s milk.

  2. I loved yesterday’s post about the spatula’s so much that I actually considered secretly getting a twitter account just so I could follow insane antics just like yours. But I didn’t. If you actually get this squirrel and do use it for a phone case, please post photos (I assume you would anyways) just so I can see how that works out. lol.

  3. I laughed so hard, because last night when I was reading Regretsy and I saw the squirrel I thought “Holy shitsnacks! I think The Bloggess needs this little guy! He can be flashing Juanita and she can be throwing her hands up saying “OH LORDY! PUT THAT THING AWAY!” and it’s perfect”

    The fact that you were already on that shit makes me ridiculously happy.

  5. I, too, clicked on the link, and shortly after thinking “I’ll never be able to unsee that,” I thought about all of my friends who need to not be able to unsee that also. 😀

  7. So…my morning started off relatively shitty. Thank you for this hilarious post that had me laughing alone in my office so people think I am a crazy person. I’m in a much better mood now!

  8. The comments on the Nut-Sack Squirrel are too precious to miss. Read them folks!

  11. I totally want to be at the restaurant at the table next to you when your squirrel vibrator goes off. Priceless!!

  13. You know Maxwell Smart would’ve been a LOT funnier if he had a squirrel phone instead of just a shoe phone. You need to take this to an entirely different level and make a sitcom out of it!

  14. How do they get away with calling that squirrel “new?” I’m pretty sure the squirrel used that body while it was alive.

  15. Ok, that is the perfect accessory for the wolf-pelt-wearing mom. If I had a wolf pelt of my own, I’d totally get the squirrel phone-cover. Now you just need a taxidermied turkey for a handbag and it’s like, watch out Daniel Boone, here comes a serious badass.

  16. I’m with Rachel! I needed that this morning.

    The visual of the little guy vibrating across the table did me in. 🙂

  17. I had no idea that there were so many taxidermied animals out there used for amusement purposes. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I guess at least they didn’t die in vain. 🙂

  18. Make sure to get someone to get some video of you using that out in public. I’d love to see the faces of the people who see you do it.

    Be aware though that a restaurant make give you some shit about actually putting it down on their tabletop. Not everyone is as forward thinking as you, yon know.

  19. Why did they pose this poor squirrel in such an unnatural fashion? I think there’s a taxidermist who’s been watching too much True Blood.

  20. Argh the squirrels and the weasels. I hate rodents! You’re killing me!

    You know it would be cheaper to learn the art of taxidermy yourself right? Start a squirrel hunting, stuffing, and posing club. Add a chapter to the local 4-h.

  23. Some things, you just cannot unsee….

    I love the idea of taxidermied animals for phone covers. Think we could convince Apple to make them?

  24. But wait… where is your conversation with Victor on why you need and must have this as your phone case/cover? I love reading the convesations between you two.

    (He was sick and in bed when I bid on it. I expect we’ll be having a discussion if I actually win it though. ~ Jenny)

  27. Far be it for me to play matchmaker, but I’m thinking Juanita might have just found herself a little boy toy?

  29. The squirrel is not in an unnatural position. There is a squirrel living in my backyard who lounges in my tree, sunning himself in that exact pose. His name is Federico, I like his style but the little bastard keeps taking one bite out of my apples…I’m learning to share.

  32. What-the-everloving-fuck. I feel somewhat violated by that squirrels… erm,.. nutsack. Why did I click the link?

  34. this needs to happen. the world needs you to have this. imagine the stories airport security will have to share over coffee? do it for them. and us. ’cause we will NEED pictures of that. and of Ferris Mewler’s reaction.

    this post made my morning. thank you!
    ps. my cats would LOSE it. you need a growl ringtone AND set it to vibrate and omg, let the games begin. it’s like – MAGIC!

  35. OK so I’m surfing the web, procrastinating because I’m sooooo stressed and bored with my job at the moment and I needed something to wake my brain up. Imagine my delight when I clicked on that link! I don’t think I have ever been stunned into silence before, but I must say I just stared; mouth gaping open and without blinking.

    I think I’m able to go back to work now…as I have that amazing image burned into my mind. WOOT!

  36. I found a dead, mummified squirrel up in my attic last weekend. It’s still there because I was too icked out to pick it up and dispose of it. Want it?

  39. Is there even such thing as a “normal” squirrel? The squirrels at my school hit on girls and leap out of trashcans to attack litterbugs. They break into dorm rooms to steal food. They eat cheeseburgers and Doritos. There’s one professor who has been trying for two years to capture a squirrel so he can train it to attack students who turn in assignments late, but the squirrels are too smart for him. And i’m pretty sure i’ve seen these squirrels lounging just like that on my campus. If i can get a picture of one, i’ll send it to you, but these squirrels may not show up on film. We’ll see . . .

  40. Because I saw this not too long ago http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=tardis+phone+case , it was the first thing I thought of when I saw “phone case” in your tweet. Shame on me for even FLIRTING with the idea of predictability where you are concerned.

    He’s a far more creative solution for your cracked case. Light years more creative (If a bit more cumbersome. Careful for those claws, hey.)

  43. Had I known you wanted a squirrel phone case, I could have saved the one that drowned in the kiddie pool on my deck last week. What a shame.

  44. What is a “normal” squirrel? They’re disturbed and pathological as a species. If one of them wants to pose like a fluffy-tailed Bettie Paige, then I’m going to go with it.

  45. Oh, woman! The other day I thought: I need to get me some taxidermy! after reading one of your posts.

    The crazy is contagious! The crazy is contagious! (Please imagine Juanita with her hand-paws in the air running around the room.)

  48. –>I hate squirrels. It’s no secret. Last week I came home to a dead one in my pool. If only my husband hadn’t of throw in the garbage I would have sent the waterlogged, nut-full creature to you for FREE.

  49. I hope there are taxidermists around the world rushing to create squirrel cell phone covers. Why stop there? Dream big: iPad cases, laptop cases, slip covers for couches. I think taxidermy is going to be a growing career.

  51. I was recently in Hyde park and the squirrels there are such fat little buggers most were laying around in that position after over indulging on left over bread (or whatever they’re eating, I can only assume carbs as they make me so chubby). However, I do think this one would make a wonderful phone cover.

  52. I just realized they do not die a “natural death”. I’m sorry, I hadn’t read that part…. 🙁
    I would have not forwarded that link on if I had known – sometimes I do things without thinking first. I am really really sorry and hope that hasn’t upset you (as now I feel bad and upset).

    (No worries. ~Jenny)

  53. The comments on the ‘nut sack squirrel’ page made my morning. It’s lovely to know there are so many demented, funny – dementedly funny? – people out there. I fear for your taxidermied squirrel cell phone cover, however. It puts me in the mind of that cell phone commercial where a picture of a spider comes up when it rings and everybody at the table lurches up screaming and beating the phone until it is dead…that’s what would happen to squirrel phone…do you really need that?

  55. You’re totally getting me through this (boring and painful) post-surgery period. So, thank you. And your little squirrel friend. And all the spatula holders. Muah.

  56. So, does a squirrel mobile phone cover work as an awesome accessory to Wolf Blitzer, or do you have to keep them separate to prevent some sort of circle of life confrontation? Could be messy…

  57. Amy said it already… I’ve seen squirrels lie like that. Alive ones.
    My parents have a long history of bird watching, and bird feeding, and thus they just surrendered in the war for seeds with the squirrels, and keep a bucket on the porch for the creatures.
    As a result, they have the largest and most overweight squirrel population on their wooded property that I have EVER SEEN. They’re lazy spoiled bastards too. You can walk out on the porch and they’ll just look at you like, ‘hey, can you fill my seed? The trough is getting a little old.” then they go back to sleep. SRSLY.
    And my parents wonder why they’ve started getting coyotes.

    In other news, rural living is a WHOLE ‘NOTHER WORLD PEOPLE.

  61. That nut-flashing squirrel might be the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. I always wondered who would bid on that stuff… and now I know!! $79? Really? I’d prefer to have that squirrel far, far away from me. I might consider a taxidermed snake, though, just for the entertainment value.

  62. You. You with your twine, spatulas and oddly positioned taxidermy animals are funny as a busted crutch. Funny I tell you. Thanks for making my day.

  65. Aaaagggghhhh, I totally clicked on the link. At work. I should KNOW better by now, dammit! God, I bet I have a swarm of IT people slowly surrounding my desk as we speak. Damn perverted squirrel.

  67. what’s making me scratch my head is who out bid you, in two separate auctions, for dead, stuffed animals?!? Is Victor funding a secret cabal to stop you from purchasing more friends for Juanita, et al? Could you have a WSF-type stalker on the internet that’s just trying really hard to be you? Enquirer-ing minds want to know…

  68. So I clicked the link (who can resist?) and whoa… you forgot to mention that it was a COWBOY squirrel flashing… that puts a whole different spin on it, Jenny. And now that image is seared onto my retinas…

  70. Okay – so – I’m trying to get the hasttag squirrel rock to trend on twitter and have been for a while… here’s how it goes…

    “I wish that I had Jessie’s squirrel! #squirrelrock”

    “My squirrel, my squirrel, my squirrel, talking bout my squirrellllll #squirrelrock”

    “Fat bottomed squirrels make the rockin world go round!!! #squirrelrock”

    You see, you replace any “girl” in a song with “Squirrel” and it totally works!!!

    I apologize in advance for the first time you do this out loud in a group of people.

  73. And I am again reminded why I shouldn’t be reading this at work. I’m the front desk receptionist at a Mental Health Hospital and I don’t want them to make me a patient for laughing out loud at inopportune times.

  75. I think that’s a great idea. I currently keep my phone inside a living squirrel and I have a heck of a time getting her to let me check my voicemail.

    [P.S. Last night I had a dream that I got your signed book plate in the mail, and it was a sea foam green plastic device with a light-up screen and colorful buttons. Kind of like a Candyland-themed Gameboy. I had trouble finding your signature, though.]

  76. Just last Friday, I installed a FLYING squirrel house – a double-decker condo that a lovely lady in Kentucky made for me and mailed to me here in ATL – on a big tree in the woods behind my house. I think a flying squirrel (who I already think of as Jambalaya, a super-heroine (with a cape) who flies in to disrupt thugs), may be right up your alley! I’ll let you know, and send a photo, when she shows up!

  77. 1. I live in Normal (Illinois), and our squirrels do frequently lounge like this!
    2. Aauugghh, my eyes, my eyes! Why did I click the link to the nut sack?!

  79. I really hope you get this squirrel. Really, all dead animals should immediately be sent to you. You know, just in case. Just think about it! You could have like, a whole house full of dead animals wearing interesting outfits. Which would lead to even MORE interesting things to sell in your shop, which would lead to even MORE money for random dead animals. It’s a total win. Victor would love it I’m sure!

    At least it isn’t towels, right?

  81. It looks a litte large for a phone, but I`m sure you’ll make it work.

    I look forward to the entry about the conversation with Victor happens.

  84. I simply CAN’T be the only one who first looked at the squirrel flashing its nuts link…then the seductively posed squirrel…
    Then read the phrase [Wil Wheaton and Jeri Ryan and the whole world sending my pictures of their spatulas] …and thought to themselves:
    So THAT’S what they’re calling them these days…

  85. Absurdly intrigued, I just googled “squirrel scrotum” because I could see no reason for that squirrel’s nutsack to be black. Why would male squirrels want to draw attention to their sacks when, evolutionarily speaking, that sort of behavior is libel to make the “noticeable bits” subject to attack/ removal by predators, challenging you for the love of the lay-dees.

    My research gave me no conclusive information on whether there are naturally-occuring squirrel nutsacks, except for one photo that showed a very orange-hued squirrel with one. The vast majority had themselves some tanly/ whitishly furred nutsacks. I think the flasher squirrel may be “creatively taxidermied” – which is naturally a fine genre of taxidermy.

    But thank you for bringing me to the hitherto unthought of – typing “squirrel scrotum” into google. My day has reached its apex and it’s not even noon.

  89. You don’t want the already dressed squirrel! You enjoy the dress up almost as much as being the weird petrified animal lady. I agree that it would make a swell cell phone holder, but I’m sure with some careful wiring it could also become a flashlight, or a normal phone. You could put a backpack on him that held most of the necessary guts and batteries…

    I’m still not sure this is your squirrel, since you seem to prefer your animals standing, rather than the obvious Burt Reynolds pose from Cosmo…

    WG

  95. The only thing that comes to me in this moment of squirrel joy is the line from Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate factory…….

    “DAAADDY, I want a SQUIIRRREELL! and not just any squirrel, a trained squirrel!”

    “How much for the squirrel”

    “the Squirrel isn’t for sale”

    “Veruca, the man is being unreasonable”

  96. What would be interesting is to set up a squirrel chattering ring tone, then place it in your house near cats and watch them FREAK THE F*** OUT when it goes off.

    Cat1: So I says to Charlie, listen brah, I ain’t spraying in your area for nothin. My uncontrolable urge..
    Squirrel-Phone: BZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZ CHITTERCHITTERCHITTERCHITTERCHITTERCHITTER
    Cat2: HOLY CRAP, WHO LET THAT SQUIRREL IN HERE?
    Cat1: DAMMIT, I JUST SPRAYED MYSELF!

    The end.

  97. I *knew* the Badgermin would lead to something like this.

    And I imagine Victor will say the very same thing.

  98. The funny and disturbing thing is. I have a pet squirrel and he lets me actually do that. LOL

  99. The second I saw that Regretsy post I thought of you, and was going to send it to you but then I figured all the cool girl bloggers were already friends anyways.

  103. OMG. I’m actually quite jealous of your genius idea. And here I thought I was ahead of the game when I started keeping my phone in a sock like a whole year before anyone else.

  104. That, my friend, is the completely natural pose of a squirrel who has eaten one too many fermented berries. I’ve seen a drunk squirrel before and let me tell you, it’s not pretty. They are very sloppy drunks (but you would know this by looking at that taxidermied squirrel, wouldn’t you?).

    Oh, and best phone cover. Ever.

  105. Is it me, or is that squirrel striking a seductive pose?

    Ooh! Squirrel phone “chat” line! …you know the kind I mean… 😉

  106. It’s disturbing his scrotum appears to be gangrenous. At least it looks dry. Dry gangrene is better than wet gangrene.

  107. Hey, I’ve actually seen squirrels pose like that. In a New Mexico state park – I think it was a state park. There was one at the ranger station who lazed about on the porch railing watching the humming birds. The he rolled over and …fell off. Laughed my ass off. We came across another on our hike after our 4-year old kid wandered away to the watering trough of a ghost town and started to scream. Husband figured rattlesnake got her; I fugured mountain lion (who must’ve been deafened by the piercing cound she could make). Imagine our surprise when she told us a wasp the size of a tennis ball (words I didn’t even know she knew) approached her. Sure. Anyway, a little father up the trail into town – did I mention this was an abandonned sanitarium town – and we came to a little house and recllining along the wall was a freaking squirrel. And he was not at all afraid of us. Rabid? I wondered. Maybe. Or perhaps he was just relaxing in his private spa. I hope that your squirrel is not that squirrel.

  109. Jenny, the squirrel phone cover lead me to Ebay to look for a similar fashion accessory. I’d like an eyeglass case. However, what I really want to tell you is that 1) There is a pretty cool porcupine on Ebay and 2) There are ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE PAGES of taxidermy on Ebay.

    Makes a zombie apocalypse seem tame by comparison.

  110. MOST hilarious thing almost EVER! I can totally see why there was the whole threat of stabbing for stealing this one away. Who wouldn’t love to be sitting there eating dinner, then looking up on the buffet to see this happy little guy showing his stuff for the entire family! And how totally festive would he make Thanksgiving and Christmas!

    But just for the record, I have a friend who has a company that removes wild animals from homes and what-not. Showed him the pic because it’s right up his alley and he said ” Funny part too is that squirrels have ginormous nutes and those are SO not to scale”.

  111. Ah! I totally need a squirrel phone cover!

    I have had a series of really bad dates lately. Really bad dates. Really really bad dates that just wouldn’t leave (or stop following me so I could get home without him knowing where that is). Just think how much easier it would be to toss old Nutkin on the table and get a friend to call me. He’d be moving and growling, and I’d be all “Mr. Nutkin doesn’t like you. I think you should leave.”

    If nothing else he’d think I was crazy and thus ensure he’d never call me again.

  112. Also, couldn’t you attach little combs to his front paws so that he basically clips onto your hair and you can talk hands-free? It’d be like a blue tooth squirrel. Plus, his tail can double as a scarf. I’m surprised Kanye hasn’t designed this yet, actually.

  113. OMG! You can take your own taxidermy class and learn how to make your “projects” pose as humans! Something AWESOME will come of this. Make it so, Jenny. Make it so.

  116. I might gag. Those nutsicles look like turdlets. Do squirrel nuts always look like that? Is it only because those nuts are deceased? I obviously have some animal teste research to do.

  117. AGAIN with the dead animals? You must have zombie cooties or something by now.

    Your dead-thing fetish aside, I’d say your squirrel friend looks like Guy Fawkes (V for Vendetta was just on TNT the other day. Natalie Portman in her little girl outfit is not to be missed)

  123. You sold me on the phone case idea when you said “non-nutsacked”. Who needs a Swarovski-crystal case when you can have one that’s made of real fur? Not to mention it would make a great ear muff. (Probably more practical if you only have one ear.)

  126. I’m not seeing the phone. I’m still seeing the Playboy Squirrel. It makes me feel uncomfortable that a squirrel…a dead squirrel no less…has a seductive look.

  127. I am so jealous of your ability to see the obvious that is right in front of everyone and no one else sees it. I mean, of COURSE it is a squirrel phone! WHY didn’t I see that? My only concern would be that it might not fit in a purse. But you could always carry it around in a little cage or something. That would be fun to take into restaurants. “Oh THIS? No it’s just a phone. A SQUIRREL phone. No, I’m not kidding.”

    I would like to have a rattlesnake or cobra phone now. I could tie the tail around my arm, and then I’d never lose my phone again. Thanks for the idea!!

  128. I am so jealous of your ability to see the obvious that is right in front of everyone and no one else sees it. I mean, of COURSE it is a squirrel phone! WHY didn’t I see that? My only concern would be that it might not fit in a purse. But you could always carry it around in a little cage or something. That would be fun to take into restaurants. “Oh THIS? No it’s just a phone. A SQUIRREL phone. No, I’m not kidding.”

    I would like to have a rattlesnake or cobra phone now. I could tie the tail around my arm, and then I’d never lose my phone again. Thanks for the idea!!

  129. May I be the first to suggest that in the hope that you win the bid, you name him, Earl the Squirrel?

  132. Oh my. You NEED that squirrel. Too bad about the bidding. Don’t worry though I’m sure another dead animal will come along for you. You could have used one of those squeaky voiced Alvin and the Chipmunks songs as your ringtone. That would have been hilarious when poeple looked over and the song was coming out of a dead animal.

    Damn. Now I want a dead squirrel phone case.

  133. Please can I add my name to the waiting list for a limited edition squirrel phone – though I should add I would want it if the squirrel was roadkill, I don’t believe in killing innocent squirrels just for my desire to have a kudos-enhancing accessory. Thanks ever so.

  135. “… squirrels only hang out with cool people.”

    I have spent years dealing with the home-invasion specialists of the local squirrel community. Countless unauthorized entries/attempted entries through the bedroom window (although I did appreciate the thoughtfulness of the one who disassembled the screen rather than rip through it), and two (yes, TWO) that fell through my kitchen ceiling (true story). And to think, I’ve spent all this this time getting freaked out and pissed off about it when it’s just undeniable proof of how unbelievably cool I am! I guess I need to reconsider my position on squirrel-based accessories.

  136. O M G
    Can’t believe that picture! Squirrel pornography, lol.
    My world has certainly changed since I started following you, Jenny. Never before would I have ever considered taxidermy obsessions well, uh, cute?
    – Karla

  137. Is it just me or does it look like this squirrel was just about to start his porn star career when he passed away? He is really giving out a “come hither” vibe!

  138. ….. and that is how Jenny inspired a whole new aftermarket for taxidermied animal cell phone covers

  141. Is… is that squirrel imitating David Bowie’s pose on the cover/sleeve of Diamond Dogs? Oh, wait, you said NON-nutsacked. But still! 20 cool points to that squirrel.

  142. I saw April’s comment on Facebook earlier, but didn’t bother looking to see what it was. I was happy to see the two of you friends and that she threatened you because it was a taxidermy item.

  146. damnit Jenny..I was FINE till you made me cough so hard i peed a little, thanks for the laughs

    now I want a squirrel phone holder thingie, but I need a phone first

  148. #1 — I AM a squirrel (Seriously. Mary Baldwin College. We’re the Squirrels. Our mascot’s name is Gladys. Because she’s awesome. My freshman dorm’s slogan was, “We’re Squirrels; we crack nuts.”) and we squirrels have totaly been known to pose exactly like that. Especially when there’s a cute boy (or girl — I won’t discriminate) in the vicinity and we think that sort of pose will make our butts look good without looking like we’re TRYING to make our butts look good.

    #2 — You are completely correct. We squirrels ONLY hang out with the most awesome people.

  150. I’m laughing SO hard! Are you going to put an antenna enhancer in the tail? An extra battery pack in the nutsack? There are so many possibilities!

  151. OMG that was so hilarious. My eyes are traumatized but it’s so damn great. Who knew squirrel could have black balls? Man the phone idea has me laughing so hard I’m close to keeling over. Too funny!

  154. First of all, this squirrel is doing the best come hither look ever & totally looks like it’s laying across a piano. Can’t you just picture her in a red dress, with her left front paw just barely tapping a key? It’s like total Jessica Rabbit moment.

  156. I showed my husband just now the squirrel nutsack. He just stared at me. NOW. If he found t and showed me, he would be laughing. I think he thinks I am officially a nasty old lady now. LOL.

  157. I was watching that little stabbishy stuff going on last night on Twitter.

    I did get a little scared and back away from my monitor.

    However, I do see you will stand and fight for what you believe in. And you apparently believe in non-nutsacked squirrels.

    Which is totally ok by me. (Plus, I’m scared as shit to disagree with you after last night. You are one bad mamma jamma.)

  160. I am not so thrilled with the nutsack squirrel pretending to be Zorro or maybe Phantom of the Opera, but WHAT IS WITH THE HAIRY GUY IN THE SIDEBAR? He looks like he has a bathroom rug, dyed black, on his chest. Ewwww.

  161. No Jenny! Squirrel phones are so 2011!

    What you need is a sleek NZ Rat Phone!

    And, unless the ants got it, I have JUST THE ONE.

    Click the link below.

    Meanwhile, I’ll try to find its head.

    Err, the earpiece.

    You’re welcome.

  162. I freaking love that idea!! It’s the perfect size even! I just found myself thinking of all of the “squirrel sized” animals I may have running around outside my house that could either fit my cell phone and/or make a great beer coozie. . .

  163. Oh my goodness, I love the animals you find!

    If you ever tire of the squirrel cell phone cover (for instance, when you realize it’s inconvenient for his tail to always be poking out of your favorite clutch), I do think she would be ideally suited to be placed atop a miniature grand piano. Maybe with a miniature candelabra? He seems like she could have been a Lounge Singer Squirrel before being caught and, well, stuffed.

  165. It looks like it should be looking at Juanita saying “What do you mean my souffle is ruined?”

  166. What am I doing over here? I have a new squirrel cell phone cover to show off (*dials for restaurant reservations*).

    And yes, thanks for the heads up before bidding closed. And I know what you are thinking, “$3000 is too much to spend on a squirrel cell phone cover.” Here you would be wrong. You can’t put a price on cool.

    best,
    MOV

  168. It’s a good thing that squirrel isn’t flashing his nuts. Can you imagine how awkward it would be every time you had to hit zero? Or charge the phone?

  169. Must click link, must click link…oh that’s my boyfriend Romero Robin. He is full of awesome too! He would live nicely in some type of, oh I don’t know, an art niche perhaps?!

    Best. Phone. Cover. EVER! But if you did could you get a pic of you using it while wearing Wolfblitzer? That would be the best!

  170. I don’t think that the squirrel phone is such a good idea.. But it really look so funny indeed! 🙂

  172. So I’m not entirely sure how it is that I’m just now finding this blog for the first time, but the only explanation I can come up with is David Hasselhoff. I generally blame him for every stupid thing I do, as well as times where I feel stupid because of something I did or didn’t do (i.e. just now discovering your blog).

    That being said, I love what I’ve just discovered. I’ll have to follow more of your work, even though it feels like it would be against my better judgment to do so. I write a stupid little blog myself that I am desperately trying to make popular. I hope you’ll take a moment to check it out when you get a chance.

    http://sportsjim81.wordpress.com (FYI, it’s not really about sports…yeah I wasn’t really thinking ahead when I came up with it. Damn you David Hasselhoff!)

  176. And I shall call him Burt Reynolds, for obvious reasons if you’ve ever seen Burt Reynolds 70’s Cosmo centerfold.

  179. To think, I could of gone my whole life without seeing a squirrel’s nutsack. Jenny, you provide a service! Don’t ever let anyone tell you anything different.

  184. My Squirrel Story
    by Wag the Dad

    I was reading on the quad when I was at school once. I was sitting under a tree. All of a sudden like, I hear a scrambling in the branches above. I look up, just in time to see a squirrel’s ass hovering just a bit off the end of a limb, aiming for my leg. Being astounded, I did not move. Said ass projected a mass of birdlike poop off into the air, which proceeded to land on my leg. Chagrined, I moved around to the other side of the tree.

    Much scrambling.

    I look up, see the same ass, same position. WTF.

    I move away just in time to avoid being shat upon once again.

    Hence the Haiku:

    Squirrel shitting
    Rambunctious month of May
    Did I remember to use a condom last night?

    Sincerely
    Wag the Dad

  188. Curiousity got me and I had to come back here to click the link to see the nutty squirrel.
    Too bad you didn’t win him – did you get the almost-as-good version? Hmmm I bet taxidermied anythings just jumped in value now that the word is out the Bloggess wants ’em.

  190. So Jenny, I was so sad to find out you didn’t get the nut-sack squirrel or the sexy-lounging squirrel, but my day was made when I saw this awesome fishing squirrel on Pinterest (which I tagged you in). So I clicked on the link, and low and behold, there are squirrels playing the banjo, squirrels in a douch-canoe (although technically he may be a chipmunk, and I don’t think it’s technically a douche-canoe), squirrels on a motorcycle, and much much more. Please go and adopt all of these adorable squirrels and then you can have a squirrel army, or a squirrel clan, or maybe somehow even a squirrel nativity scene. Anyways, love you and good luck on the taxidermy squirrel hunt.

    http://www.regretsy.com/

  191. Here in Britain we have a great TV programme called The Great British Bake-Off. It’s on the BBC. Last series they stunned everyone by showing (during a lull in the baking, obviously) a squirrel standing upright showing what can only be described as the largest set of squirrel balls in the world – check it out on you tube, it’s worth it. Also, we still have some red squirrels left, hiding away, and they are much, much cuter than the greys. Your squirrel looks pretty chilled out though (despite being, you know, no longer with us…) x

  192. Thank you for showing me what the balls of a squirrel look like. Not that I couldn’t pretend to assume, but eh that’s 1 thing I can scratch off my bucket list.

  196. I just saw a hollowed out armadillo purse, very elegant, posted on eBay. I wanted to buy it for you, but I’m broke. And the auction ended before I finished reading other replies. I dropped the ball on that one. My bad.

  201. I’m very confused. People bid money on dead squirrels? Considering that about 3 squirrels a day throw themselves in front of my car, I’d think people would be giving them away for free!

    Odd.

  202. The lounging, phone cover squirrel reminds me oddly of Mae West. I wonder if it’s female? But when you mentioned it being ‘fuzzy and ergonomic’ when held on your shoulder, I couldn’t help but think of that video that went viral sometime ago of the little girl playing with the dead squirrel…how floppy and soft that thing was. A phone cover…sure.

    But I am so unbelievably bummed I missed the spatula frenzy. I have THE spatula…and even showcased it in a video 🙂 But I am not really at all famous so I guess it doesn’t really matter…

  203. I really love reading your post here..Thank you and I really enjoyed this post…

  204. Squirrels tend to hang out with nuts, so I expect your furry phone cover would feel right at home, n’cest pas?

  206. Hi

    Your blog Rocks!!

    I was awarded the Versatile Blogger award and my job was to pass it on.. I am awarding it to your blog. Please come check out my posting about it. http://www.poirierscraftsandcreations.blogspot.com/2012/03/versatile-blogger-award.html

    Then for you to pass it on, you need to write a blog spot about it, thank me in it, post 7 things about yourself and choose 15 other bloggers that you enjoy and pass it on. Also, copy and paste the Award logo for your own blog.

    Just another networking tool.

  207. You never cease to make me laugh!! I hope to someday buy your book. If I sent a photo of my cat holding twine could I get a discount 😉 LOL

  209. Because of you I’ve been thinking about what sort of taxidermied animal I’d use to represent myself. Right now I’m thinking opossum. Why? Because looking at one you never know if they are going to freak out on you or just pass out and stink the place up.

    You are an inspiration! 😉

  212. I’ve seen squirrels sit like that. Usually when they’re relaxed, feeling safe, and/or on a high perch and waiting for you to lean into their cage to clean it out so they can suddenly leap onto your head and try to make a getaway.

    Or when they’ve eaten too much fermented fruit.

  213. the scary thing is, i dated that squirrel before his untimely demise. he was always quick to finish but he was a squirrel…how could i blame him?!?!

  214. An ice cream sandwich, held with tongs, fresh out of the oven, at that!

  217. Have you seen this taxidermied badger theremin yet? I feel like this should be the crown jewel of your taxidermy collection. Maybe you and Wolf Blitzer could get with Bjork and her swan dress and make an entire taxidermy orchestra… http://failblog.org/2012/03/01/white-trash-repairs-there-i-fixed-it-taxidermied-badger-theremin/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+failblog+%28The+FAIL+Blog+-+Fail+Pictures+%26+Videos+at+Failblog.ORG%29

  221. I NEED the squirrel (SKWERL!!) Cell phone cover! I beg you to invent this… I’d like to pre-order IMMEDIATELY!!! Complete genius! Marry me!!!! Lmto!!!!

  223. So I was just on Reddit and I saw the sqquirewl flashin his nuts and I thought of you but of course as soon as I get to your page you have a link to it already. Oh well.

  225. Oh my word! I like about 15 minutes from this person! I’m going to start gathering squirrel to take to him now. I wish I had known this when my dog died in December. I could’ve had her mounted on a motorcycle (she’s a little too big to be a phone holder – more like those old bag car phones).

  227. I just woke up from a dream populated by taxidermied squirrels. Including the little flasher squirrel. He was on a mad flashing spree throughout the dream. Until Juanita Weasel showed up with rollers in her fur and her wonderful frock on. She then proceeded to yelled at him. She informed him he should be ashamed on himself. All of this seemed perfectly normal until… She went on to tell him that if he is going to flash people, he better be properly manscaped first, and gave him tips on how do accomplish this. Somewhere during her rant/manscaping how to, I decided it would be a good idea to pet her. I rarely have good ideas it seems, because this resulted in a lecture on manners. So yeah… that’s how my day went today. It ended with my husband questioning my sanity, because “who the hell has a dream about dead rodents?”

  228. so, i bought your squirrel.

    i couldn’t help myself. it made me laugh and laugh and laugh. and when it arrives, it will always make me think of you. and YOU make me laugh and laugh and laugh.

    so it’ll be twice as funny/awesome.

  231. So my husband totally thinks i need to up my meds. Yesterday, I saw a squirrel on the side of the road, I tried to get him to stop so we could take it to the taxidermy place and get it mounted for you. He mumbled something about him talking the Dr himself next time and not waiting in the front. I just think he needs a better ivagination !!!!! i made myself laugh~~~~

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Dance recital problems- when you take your ponytail holder off but your hair remains in a ponytail.
Mysteries from the post office, part 3.
Victor said there was a life hack for removing these without scissors and I was like, “Yeah, I already know one” and now I’m bleeding.
Hailey wrote a 10 minute play for school called Happy Fun Times and it won the audience choice award last night! So proud of them.

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Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Game Night Kit: All-in-one classic card game kits make the perfect gift, but you’ll want them for yourself, too! Lets skip book club tonight, drink wine & play games instead ~time together is magic!

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Coolest American Stories 2023: If you want a book of unputdownable, unpretentious, full-length short stories, we got ya covered. Our 2022 volume went to a 3rd printing; readers are singing this volume’s praises, too.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Perfectionist Anonymous: Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression and hilarity on the side.

Active Voice Productions  made a cool little movie with a role they wanted The Bloggess for but instead got Bonnie Hunt. Seriously. That’s what happened.

Just Another Meat-Eating Dirtbag: A memoir: ‘A charming, often hilarious look at how love is actually the worst.’-Tom Hart, author of the NYT bestseller Rosalie Lighting

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

A Thousand Miles to Graceland by Kristen Mei Chase: The journey of a thousand miles begins with sequins and a beehive wig in this funny and tender novel about Mothers, daughters and the surprising power of Elvis.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

The Feely Human Collective: A space for the big-hearted, the highly sensitive, the activists, meaning makers, and mental health advocates. A space to grow and grapple with the wonders of empathy, vulnerability, and emotional curiosity and be seen in all your beautiful wholeness.

Stix Yarn: We live in the beautiful mountains of Montana, sell gorgeous yarns and unique fabrics, and offer lots of opinions on the best ways to get the most out of said mountains, yarn, and fabric.

Quantum Possum: an inclusive, neurodivergence-affirming graphic novel taking readers on a wacky & frequently sidetracked adventure through Cosmic Bog, helping creatures in need and including everyone in the fun.

Acrylic Diva’s Online Painting Class: paint yourself happy from the comfort of your home. Stress free, easy art instruction with a seasoned professional artist. It’s the most fun you can have in your pajamas. Really.

Paris Writers: Join best-selling novelists Laurie Frankel, Ann Garvin, and Lauren Grodstein for a week of practical information – and inspiration! – in Paris this summer.

The Second: Colleen Burns Durda’s candid memoir about a suburban mom with a side hustle-she’s The Second Coming. Laugh, cry and learn how she copes with her bipolar diagnosis.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

PillTimer: No ads, no tracking, no math; just simple, no-nonsense medicine tracking for iPhone and iPad.

Green Heart Guidance: Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., is an international psychic, intuitive and medium who helps people heal from physical, spiritual, emotional or sexual illnesses and traumas.

Thanks to Her: Finding Power and Inspiration in Your Family Photos Discover how American women (and your own relatives!) kicked ass between 1900-1950. Remember: Yes, she did … And so can you!

The Family Skeptical Podcast: We’re an atheist couple raising two children – we ask big questions, dissect weird parenting moments, and are jealous that our cats get so much sleep.

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