UDATED! FREAKING. OUT.

in Random Crap

This is supposed to be a post about how awesome sharks are but I can’t even do it because OHMYGODYOUGUYSMYBOOKISHERE.  And MY AUDIO BOOK TOO.  Sorry for all the screaming but I just got the final, hardback version that comes out next month and then I screamed a little because this is a decade in the making and also because OHMYGODYOUGUYS it comes out next month.

Sorry.  I’m geeking out in an incredibly embarrassing fashion but I can’t help it and you’ve been with me through this entire process so I want to celebrate with you.

So to celebrate I’m giving away an autographed copy of my book and of the audiobook too.  Just leave a comment and this week one of you will be randomly selected to win this:

Not the cat butt. That's mine.

And in related, panic-inducing news, I’m going on tour.  Much like Bon Jovi.  Or like artifacts from terrible disasters.

Details below! (Graphic courtesy of my amazing friend, Len):

Click on the graphic for details and ticket info. More locations might be coming soon. I'll keep you posted.

Come?  Pretty please?

UPDATED:  WE have a winner!  Leigh-Ellen of Canada, a book is on its way to you.  And a huge thank you for such an amazing show of support.  I so love you guys.

4,717 thoughts on “UDATED! FREAKING. OUT.”

Read comments below or add one.

  6. ooh! I want them! and I am sad you aren’t coming to DC. But I AM ALSO VERY EXCITED THAT THIS IS HAPPENING

  7. Congrats! Can’t wait for the book to magically appear on my Nook next month.

  8. OMG! That’s so amazing. An evening of entertainment with The Bloggess! Such a shame I can’t go. But I have bullied my local library into putting a copyof the book on order.

  9. Furiously happy for you! I can’t wait to read your book….and listen to it. I might have to do both at the same time. Is that allowed?

  10. Booktour nowhere near me. Sad panda. I even have a nice large bathroom with a smaller toliet closet off of it to hide in.

  13. I read your interview on Amazon! I think you are fantastic and if I win an autographed copy of your book I already know who I am going to have read it as soon as I am finished. Congratulations, this is big! HUGE! You should be extremely proud of yourself. Great Job!

  15. I can’t wait to read your book! Your blog has helped me laugh through some tough times.

  16. PLEASE come to DC! pleasepleaseplease!! Though I guess I catch the train to NYC…..

  21. Can’t wait to read your book! Congratulations!!!!

    I just hope you post about sharks soon as I am curious – the kind in the ocean or the steam mop?

  22. I love how your book & audio book coordinate with both the material they’re resting on AND your cat’s ass. That’s pretty fucking perfect. Everything looks beautiful, so excited for you! 😀

  25. you should come to boston, too! and bring juanita, she will make an awesome tour mascot…

  27. OMG! So very happy for you…and proud of you too! As an author in waiting I know how much energy and yourself goes into getting the words out onto the paper. Now you just need to come to Ottawa, Canada for a book signing!! I’ll be buying multiple copies for girlfriend gifts since my friends and I are just as crazy as you claim to be…so that must make us all normal, right???

  29. I am so excited for this book!! I’ll come see you in Houston, for sure!!!

  31. Would dearly love for you to come to Florida. Sharks are pretty awesome, and we have them here, so that would kind of be on point for the original them of this post. <3

  35. Jenny, I insist you come to Boston! I’ll help you find a really great bathroom to hang out in!!

  36. Ooooh I want your book so bad and it’s going to be so amazing and I’m so broke right now. Does this give away extend into the EU?

  37. Pittsburgh/the Midwest loves you, too..in an only vaguely creepy way. I promise.

    (YAY BOOK!)

  38. So excited for your book, and I love audiobooks. I’d adore being able to possibly potentially win an autographed copy of anything of yours. Also, if you come to Dallas, I will try my hardest to be there 😀

  41. Susan took the words right out of my mouth. I’d ask you to come to my town, too, but I can’t imagine how hard making the tour nationwide would be on you with your anxiety issues and your probable desire to parent your daughter and not have a major autoimmune flair-up and such. So instead I’ll just say GOOD FOR YOU! I love it when people who deserve to succeed do just that 🙂

  42. I wish you were coming to Detroit! Aside from the fact that it’s like the murder capital of the world or something. 🙂

  43. Really? The cat butt isn’t included? I’m sad. 🙁 LOL

    Congrats on the book. And I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy. 🙂

  45. I really wish I could come, alas, I am across the ocean.

    Thank goodness books make the trip easier and much cheaper! Also? Yay book! Very much excited for you!

  47. Congratulations!!! Add Virginia to your tour – we need some Bloggess love here!

  50. Please come to Philly! We can run up the art museum steps like Rocky and eat cheesesteaks. We should probably do the steps first, THEN the cheesesteaks because I’d really rather not throw up cheesesteak at the top of the steps.

  51. Toronto. You need to come to Toronto. We would totally do a shittonne of furiously happy thing with you in town.

  60. Holy shit – SO excited for you! EGGS. EYE. TED.

    Just, um, some things, um…

    …you have a cat butt? Like, you have an actual cat butt? We need to see more of this.

    And also, you missed off “England” or, to be exact, “Cosmicgirlie’s House” off your tour list. It’s ok I know it was a minor error, but I didn’t want you to miss that off, you know? x

  62. I would drive to NY from Baltimore to see you, but I need a good excuse to be off work on a Tuesday. Any useful tips from a former HR person?

  63. Congrats! Come to Tampa FL and we can hang! Already preordered your book… now I’m just waiting, waiting, waiting. 🙂 Now, if I can only finish my book, you’ll be the inspiration for that. Love!

  64. Jenny if you make it to Dublin Ireland for a signing I will be sure to come and see you.

  66. HUGE CONGRATS! I hope everyone shows up at your book signings with Beyonce on a stick, holding twine ;b

  69. Sweet! You’ll be in San Antonio, which means I can come to the signing! we never get anything good in San Antonio. 😀

  71. HOLY COW OH MY GOD JENNY AAAH. There, now we’ve BOTH geeked out in an embarrassing fashion, so you don’t have to feel so alone.

    I’m about an hour from DC, but will try to take the train up to NYC and see you!! Poor East Coast, only one place to see the awesome Bloggess in person!

    Can’t wait to get your book and its book plate! I pre-ordered just for the book plate; I think that’s the first time I’ve pre-ordered anything! I’m so excited for the audio book as well. Did your producers end up keeping that blooper reel?

  73. Bloggess sweetheart,you are going to be FINE!!!!!! Also: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY Hurray! Your BOOK!!!!!!!!.Cheese& Ballons and more CHEESE (Im Dutch)!!!!YOU WROTE A BOOK.enough with the caps already..NO! BOOK!!!!

  75. hopefully you’ll make an East Coast visit soon! My sister and I are planning to bring you Sangria (not a bribe, we just get thirsty).

    Also, i got a medium sized metal flying pig for my birthday! am thinking of taking pictures (and i named it Jay-z).

    Can’t wait to get your book next month! (already pre-ordered:)

  76. Oh and freaking yay about the book! I keep checking so it’s goodto know it’s nearly here 🙂 congratulations!

  77. Please come to Winnipeg. And if that’s not possible, come to Minneapolis. Or maybe Fargo? How about Grand Forks? Minot? Somewhere in North Dakota? Even South Dakota. Yay for your book!

  79. Congratulations! I’m a new follower on Twitter, but started following you, in part after @wilw and @annewheaton couldn’t stop tweeting about your book! Looking forward to it.

  83. I will trade you a cat butt for an autographed boo- oh wait, you already have one.

  86. I got a surprise media copy yesterday and it made my day. We usually get books that I have no interest in, but I jumped on this on and read nearly the whole thing yesterday in a 5 hr bath. I freaking love it. You are such an inspiration and make me feel better about my crazy life.

  87. Oh my god! I am SO going to buy a copy of this! Probably on my Kinds so that I can have it with me ALL THE TIME.

  88. I cant wait! I double checked and made sure I could get it on my Kindle! Kinda sad you wont be coming to the DC area though! Wooohooo!

  89. I’m glad the cat butt isn’t part of the giveaway, I already have enough of those. I don’t have any of your book though.

  91. OHHH you’re not coming to Italy, I see. :((
    well, good for you…we’re going bankrupt in a few weeks, guess it will not be pleasant.
    ;)))

    Congratulations, must be such a joy!!!
    you have all the rights to freak out today!!!!
    Elisa (Italy)

  92. Now I’m trying to figure out if I can trick my husband into going to Texas for your tour. “Yeah sweetie, we’re just running to the store real fast.” “Why have we been in the car for fourteen hours?”

  93. Oh, I’ve preordered your book but because I am from Spain I don’t have the chance of getting the autographed plate so it would be so soo great to have the autographed book! I promise not to back off from buying the book even if I end up with two copies!
    Ps: I’ll love you anyway if you don’t send it to me 😉

  95. Book looks great, and I’m sure even more so in person. Can’t wait to get a copy! I’d say cant wait to meet you on the tour…but I live in Canada. You don’t want to tour here, it’s cold. Well, actually, not this year. Thanks Global Warming!!

  96. Usually incredibly unlucky in lucky draws but here’s a try! The book looks awesome and I really really really really need one!

    And may I just add that when I looked at the poster, somehow my brain translated it into “I’m coming FOR you”…

  97. Have my copy pre-ordered in the UK… unfortunately tho it is saying that for the actual book (non-kindle or audio) I have to wait until July!

    damn it

  99. OMGBBQWTFLOL I am soooooooooooooooooooo excited for you! This is more than wonderful, it’s like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

    PS- I love the cat butt.

    PPS- I wish you were coming to Tampa, FL. 🙁

  102. Come to Boston! We’re right near New York! Is the book very Texas-heavy or is this just a smallish, local-ish tour for your first one?

  103. Oh! I was geeking out too much to remember to add this: I am so proud/impressed that you’re book touring! Though with your anxiety and so much socialization, you might need to be heavily medicated afterwards – or, hell, during. If I don’t see you in the bookstore itself, should I check the bathroom?

  106. Oh, wow, CONGRATS!!!

    Also, since you’re coming to Miami for the mom2mom summit, you or “your people” might want to consider contacting Mitchell Kaplan at Books and Books to arrange a signing there. Jen Lancaster was there recently. They host signings for authors both fledgling and well-established. Just a thought!

  107. i have no suitable response to the possibility of winning your bookie… oops, just widdled on the carpet, too excited….

  108. I preordered the book already, but now I’m thinking I’d get it read much faster in audio form, what with this toddler who keeps me from having time to read (and keeps trying to “help” me type this comment).

    Also, come to DC!

  109. Yay! That’s so awesome! I’m so happy for you. I can’t wait to get my copy! Ya know, if I’d known when I met you years ago that you’d become a published author who’d be collating paper with Wil Wheaton & hanging out with 7 of 9 AND Punky Brewster, I would’ve sucked up to you. Like A LOT!! 🙂

  110. Ok, sharks are awesome, but not as awesome as tigers. Because tigers are sharp and pointy on 5 ends, not just one.

    And I can’t wait to read this. For reals.

  111. I hope they’ve at least booked you into places with classy bathrooms and that serve good booze slushies.

  115. I CANNOT wait! Though I’m very sad TX is getting most of the tour love.

  116. Oh! You’ll be in Houston on my birthday. Sadly, I live in Wisconsin. I’ve preordered the book and anxiously awaiting its arrival.

  118. Can’t wait to read your book! I preordered in December and have been sitting by my mailbox ever since! My coworkers even gifted me a taxidermied rat named Cecelia in your honor… she is wearing a new jaunty spring frock today.

  120. PPS- It’s my 31st birthday today. Is it no coincidence that you are letting us know on MY birthday that you have this awesomely awesome present for ME? I mean, uhhhh, all your loyal fans?

  123. I would LOVE to be at your book tour, but sadly your closest signing is 1500 km away. I think I just outed myself as a Canadian.
    In related news, I read your book excerpt at work the other day and then had to explain to my boss what was so damn funny. I only narrowly avoided having to use “is this your penis” in the explanation, but mostly because I was laughing too hard.

  125. As I am in England I have to wait for months and months for my book to arrive. Hope you come visit us over here some time it’s great (so long as you don’t mind the cold, and the rain, and the people grumbling around on the streets – not really selling this idea am I?).

  127. I’d be freaking out too! Congratulations…I can’t wait to read it! If it’s even a third as funny as your blog I had better invest in some kind of grown up diapers because I WILL be laughing that hard.

  129. Aside from my morning coffee, this is the best thing that’s happened to me today! I can’t wait to see you in NYC!

  132. Congratulations! I hope you add somewhere in Maryland or Virginia so I can come see you! I’d love to get all dorked out and tongue tied!

  133. Come to Alabama. You can stay in my bathroom. I’ll even clean it!!!!! Can’t wait to read or listen to my new copy of your book!!!!!

  135. OHMYGOSH! THAT IS AWESOME! SORRY FOR YELLING BUT I WANNA WIN, AND TO DO THAT I NEED TO DRAW ATTENTION TO MY SEXY SELF! So pick me you awesome lady!

  136. Wowser!

    Reward for all that hard work!

    Good luck.
    I know I will order book soon as its distributed on this side of the pond.

  140. I’m glad it doesn’t include the cat (butt). I don’t think I can add another one to my collection without getting a divorce…

  141. I ditto the come to DC/Virginia on your tour! And I preordered for Nook, so I obviously need a hardcover and audiobook for my husband 🙂 I can’t wait to get my copy!

  142. You’re welcome to come to Champaign, IL on the tour and sign from my bathroom.

  145. Yay for your book coming! I still really love the cover. And I’ve never bought audiobooks before, but since you recorded your own, I may just have to.

  146. hi! you are being stalked all the way from dubai 🙂 i am hoping you will reply to one my my tweets in this lifetime LOL

  147. So sad there are no New England dates on your book tour! 🙁 Wicked excited (as we say here) that you did the audio for the audiobook, though – what was that like?

  148. If you did the reading of the audiobook I have to get a copy of that as well. That way I can ensure coworkers can experience the awesome. I’m doing it for the people, really.

  150. Pleasepleaseplease pick me for the autographed book!!

    Also, come to St. Louis!

  156. Oklahoma City. We have had Bon Jovi and natural disasters. Please complete the trifecta.

  158. That’s so exciting! I’m so happy for you and I can’t wait to read it!

  159. Are the book tours gonna be in the bathroom? Cause I’ll renovate mine to get you to Clearwater.

  160. Congrats on the book release! Can’t even imagine what a high you must be on. 🙂 And thanks for putting Houston (and a lot of Texas) on your tour!

  161. I’ve noted your Austin appearance on my calendar. When you announce the venue, I’ll start coordinating your bathroom bug-out locations. Might stop at REI for one of those portable camping bathroom tents so we have a back up plan.

  163. I know you can’t be everywhere, but I happen to know that you have legions of fans in metro Detroit. I will offer you use of my guest room and will even start scouring stores for a taxidermied animals so you will feel more comfortable.

    Is taxidermied a word?

  166. I love the cover!! So excited to get my copy!! I love exclamation points!!!

  168. Is the cat butt included? Just asking…
    In any case, yay final copies!

  169. Congratulations and enjoy! You can buy as much twine and spatulas and stuffed dead things as you want today!

  170. I can’t get the cat butt out of my head. When my pre-ordered copy arrives, I’m going to pretend it was the book closest to the cat butt. That seems right, somehow.

  171. yay for your new book! it’s all the kids in the street are talking about these days! super congratulations!

  174. You shouldn’t be scared. You know who should be scared? The bookstore people when your fans show up with minimal medication on board. WE’RE SHOPLIFTERS, PEOPLE.

  177. Damn.. only 1 place even remotely close to the East coast.. that makes me sad 🙁 but IAMSOEXCITEDFORYOU!! And if I win.. I will share the love with a few of my craziest friends 😉

  178. I’m on the bandwagon for the cat butt. I mean, it’s right there! You can’t tease us like that!!

  180. I hope your tour makes it to NC…I have at least 5 friends who follow your blog and would love to meet you! xoxo Congrats on your book! How exciting! You deserve it!

  181. So I’m not going to lie… I was all “I DON’T CARE WHERE SHE GOES IN NEW ENGLAND, I WILL BE THERE” and then cried a little bit because you won’t be anywhere in New England.

    You should come though… I’ll bake you cookies and we can have board game night at my house!

  182. Amazing!! I can’t wait to read it. If you don’t add a Southern state ( Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, Georgia) to your tour I may have to plan a road trip!

  183. I can’t wait to read it! Congrats on your book and your awesomeness in general!

  184. I will TOTALLY be there with bells on when you come to NYC! Can’t wait!

  185. So great. I love this world where a deranged lunatic gets to write a book and WE ALL GET TO READ IT! Congratulations, I’m awestruck.

  187. Fantastic!! Congratulations!! Cant wait to get the book!!
    COME TO BOSTON!!

  188. I see no city within a 12 hour drive from me, so um yeah, I need the signed copy. Can’t wait to read it, I was dying over the excerpt 🙂

  189. What?! TWO Texas dates and not ONE Boston date?

    We’re WAY more fucked up here in Boston. What with our ‘4 seasons’ and ‘accents’ and ‘sports teams that win things’ – we’d really appreciate a date more than San Antonio. Seriously, San Antonio sounds like the character in a romance novel. I suggest you switch.

  190. My daughter was looking over my shoulder as I was reading this post, and she thought the drawing was of me. I told her, “That’s not me.” She said, “Oh, it must be the evilest of mommies, then.” She is 4 and very random.

  191. Congratulations! I love it when people who spread laughter do well. Laughter AND happiness for you. Enjoy your book tour.

  193. So…. not coming to Canada then?
    well… *sniff* thats ok, no really i’m fine. I understand.

    Super news about the book. looking forward to getting my hands on it

  194. Congratulations! I’ll sit this one out, holding out for the cat butt contest. Also, St. Louis would like to see you too.

  195. I would LOVE to win your book! I can’t wait to read it. I’m sad I don’t live anywhere near and of your tour locations. I hate to miss out on basking in the glow of your awesomeness. Best of luck!

  196. Woo! Hoo! Huge congratulations. Cannot wait to read the book. But even better news you are coming on tour. That is awesome. I’ll wait for more details.

  197. Whee! I cannot wait to get my hands on that book! And to get one free would be awesome. I hope Denver gets added to your list of appearances!

  199. This is epic! Congrats on all your hard work. You deserve all this happiness & so much more. I can’t wait to read it!

  202. AWESOME!!! Congrats!!1 (Now for the selfish begging) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE add some dates and come to the Midwest – especially Wisconsin but if it’s anywhere close we’ll drive and be there! (The we’ll are me and my awesome coworkers who adore you!)

  203. If I win the copy I just might shit giant metal chickens. And that wouldn’t be taking a duece, it would be taking a duyonce.

  204. Oh, of course. You’re going everywhere, but not to Cologne. Just because it’s in another country. On a different continent. And your book hasn’t been published here yet, so we could not even preorder and get a bookplate. You probably wouldn’t even ship the book here if I won.

    (I love guilt trips…)

  207. Canada is lovely this time of year (well, except where I am, it’s -10C and snowy right now), you should come!!

    I could look this up but I’m lazy. Is there/will there be an e-book version?

  208. I am quite certain that taxidermied animals dressed up in costumes await you in the mile high city of Denver, if you could include us on the book tour. Along with transplanted Texans (NOT taxidermied). Basically, Denver is like home, with less bugs and better hair 🙂

  209. You have to add Memphis to your tour. I want your autograph in permanent marker on my left butt cheek.

  213. Ack!! So exciting!! I can’t wait to read/listen to this. One thing though: PLEASE COME TO BOSTON!!!!

  215. You bring joy to me every time I read your posts. I have shared you with my many students at the J Cafe in the Reynolds Journalism Institute in Columbia Missouri. I wish you were coming here….but it looks like you are going to huge cities. Be safe and congratulations.

    C thomas.

  216. That is SO AWESOME to see a dream through. You deserve the success. I look forward to seeing you when you come to Baltimore / DC. I’ll be the one wearing the metal chicken.

    There are so many more deserving people of an autographed copy, so I am not going to leave a comment and decrease their odds.

    WG

  217. I really wish I could see the tour – seriously you should go international and come to the UK.It’s like a colder, smaller, damper, armadilloless, not very Texan version of Texas with a little old blinged out German lady running the show. Bring a woolly jumper and I’ll bring the tea (obviously by tea I mean hard liquor).

    But if the temptation of visiting a country whose national plant is dry rot fungus can’t persuade you to hop on a plane, then at least make sure your tour organisers dress the stage like a nice friendly bathroom so you can hide from *and* perform to your fans.

  219. Love it! But pretty please add Maine? No? Too out of the way? How about Boston then? I am there much of the time at Childrens Hospital with my youngest so I could just tell the nurses, “Hey, look, you watch her for a while, The Bloggess is coming and it’s all about priorities!” Then I would return to CPS and interviews with social workers but it would all be worth it because I would have gotten to meet “One of the weirdest people I know”. That is a quote that my oldest once said to her uncle (in the most adoring way so that is how you need to picture me saying it). Believe me, it is a HUGE compliment in my family! So yeah, in case by now you’ve forgotten my original point, come to Maine….or Boston!

  220. Joshua wants you to come to Kansas, and I know he has only the best of intentions, but please don’t come to Kansas because I’m not sure it will ever completely wash off and you don’t deserve state-based permastains. I tell you this because I am your friend.

    Congrats on the book! I’d love to win one, but if I don’t, I’m buyin’ that baby.

  221. You’re going to be awesome on tour! You’re an inspiration to all of us that don’t exactly fit in – when I grow-up I want to be like you! For now I guess I’ll have to settle for cutting you and putting you on a stick. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

  222. I have a feeling that I will be scheduling an “important business meeting” in one of these cities since you can’t make it to Florida.

  223. Congrats!! Sometimes I find it slightly worrying how excited I am about this book. You know, in a non-creepy.
    Is the giveaway open for those of us on the other side of the Atlantic?

  224. Read the excerpt yesterday (which by the way I should not have done in my office). Howled with laughter. This book is a must have! Congrats!

  225. Congrats!!
    Consider swinging up to Michigan on your next book tour.
    I’d love a win a copy — I preordered a copy for my girlfriend, but she’s a slow reader (and in a different state!) so, I’d love to get my hands on a copy of my own.

  227. Do I win the fuzzy cat tail too? ‘Cause I gotta tell ya, I don’t know where I would put another one of those things. 😉
    p.s. congrats on the book! 🙂

  229. I’m kinda geeking out right not. Popsicle puppets and a book commercial for the book that is coming out next month that your giving away a copy of. This day is awesome.

  231. OH MAN! I really want to win an autographed copy. I’m sad that all the bookplates are sold out so I can’t get one of those, and we surely can’t make your arthritis worse by making you sign another 10,000.

    You should make a tour up to the UP of MI so you can make fun of our hickness. I’m sure it would be endlessly entertaining.

  233. I just want a picture of you holding the book with a note on it that says, “Sorry, Steve, no free book for you – get off your juicy butt and buy one!”

  234. Can’t wait to read it! Can’t wait to drive 3 hours into NYC to meet you! So excited!

  235. So excited to get your book, I preordered it a while ago (and stupidly ordered a CD from Amazon at the same time, and they’re both being shipping together, so I’ve had to wait two months for the CD. OH WELL).
    The closest place you’re coming on tour to where I live is New York… and that’s over a five hour drive for me. 🙁 Booo. I hope you add more locations, such as maybe D.C? -hinthint-

  236. How does your cat know you every time you take out the camera? I’m really baffled by it.

    Also, I think you have a typo. You spelled Washington DC wrong in the list of cities on your tour.

  239. Looks like I’ll be planning my Spring vacation around your tour schedule…..TOTALLY ok with that!!!!!!!!!!

  240. I’m sooooo excited and happy for you!!! I bought the iBooks version and then promptly forgot so that when I checked Amazon a few weeks later to get the bookplate I didn’t see my order. So naturally, I then preordered a the actual book. Of course, I want the audio edition now as well.

    Oh, and if you make a swing thru Nashville, all of my friends and I would definitely come see ya! Would you mind if I joined you in the bathroom?? I’m a guy so that might make it creepy though I really hope not. 🙂

  241. Whew! I thought for sure you were going to send me a cat butt. Then, hell. I’d have to drive all the damn way to UPS or the freaking post office. It would just be a huge ordeal. Glad you are keeping it.

    In other news, yipee, congrats, and ohmydeargawd this is SO exciting!!!

    Oops, almost forgot to say, this is the witch Julie, not any of the others.
    Now, please come to Oregon on your tour. I know of, personally, three of us who’d show up. With cupcakes. Or booze. Or both.

  242. Woot! Congrats! I always geek out when I get mail with my ne in it. I can’t imagine if there was a book with my name on it!

  244. Cannot WAIT to sit in the car and listen to the audio version. I’ll drive around for no reason. I’m not ashamed.

  246. I just showed my ferrets your blog, and now they demand I dress them as a vampire slaying souffle chefs. Thank you for being you.

  247. What no denmark date? Come by and i will gladly give you the grand tour.

    Congratz on the book, looking forward to reading and
    /or listening to it.

  248. Just be careful about doing “Freebird” as part of your encore. The audience might not get it. Are there songs about cat-butt? You should sing that on the tour instead.

  250. Sadness…you’re coming to NY for my birthday and I can’t make it 🙁

  251. Also, if you do come to London, you can totally stay with me. I have three cats so it will be like you never left home. And my partner and I love to feed people so you won’t starve.

  252. So happy for you. Too early to be clever. Why is typing so hard? Want signed book because you get me through mzmb

    Sorry fell asleep there. I wish I could blame it on something more fun than a restless 2-year old. Ah well. : : sigh: : You are awesome. That is all.

  253. I love that you’re coming to San Angelo! I might actually be able to pull that one off!

  261. Every time I see anything about your book I write a note to preorder it. And then I lose that note. So I guess I’ll have to write a new one!

  262. So excited for you! Looking forward to seeing you in Austin so I can be star-struck in person!

  264. Congratulations!!! I have to say, for a second there “Click on graphic for details and ticket info” gave me a double-take because my caffeineless brain read that as “Click for graphic details…”. Come to the mid-west!!

  265. You need to change that from Jenny the Bloggess to Jenny the BADASS AUTHOR!

  268. Congrats! I can’t wait to read your book! Or listen to it – I haven’t decided yet. Or maybe I’ll just do both. XD

  271. My brain doesn’t condone reading but the voices in my head told me that I should read this book. I always listen to the voices in my head. Congrats and good luck. Also Jersey isn’t on the tour list. Why? Oh…yeah…don’t answer that.

  273. Congratulations, Jenny…we’re all freaking out a little bit for you, too! I’m looking forward to reading the book and it would be a total bonus to win your giveaway (even if the cat butt isn’t included).

  275. Congratulations! Come to Charlotte! I promise to take you out and show you a good time…or at least show you where the nearest/nicest bathroom is so you can have your panic attack in peace! 😉

  276. I’d leave a comment in the hope of winning a book, but I intend to buy one once they come out.

    … wait. >.<

  279. This is the beez kneez! I’m so excited and happy for you!! Also, feel free to breeze by DC…. 🙂

  281. Congratulations! So sad you won’t be visiting close to me…But I’ll be reading the book. Good luck and have fun!

  284. I don’t know if I’m more excited about the book or getting to come and meet Jenny in person at Bookpeople. Can’t wait for either!

  285. God, you kill me! I love reading the blog…and glad there are so many of us weirdos out there to keep the normals at Defcon 4.

  289. Knoxville isn’t on your book tour list? Really? You’re going to miss the Sunsphere…

    Seriously, I can’t wait for my book and book plate 🙂 Congrats!

  293. I was introduced to your blog with Beyonce. I go back and read old posts when i have time and even got an RSS reader just to stay up to date on your blog. So excited for you!

  296. Wow – the screaming woke me up here in Canada! Such exciting news – can’t wait to read the book (and then use the hardback version to kill spiders – y’know, because your words are like spider kryptonite).

  300. Really? No maryland? Shucks. Man. I literally said shucks and meant it. I’ve been living in MD too long (I’m originally from NYC)

  301. PicK me pick me! I was going to treat myself to your books since it comes out just before my birthday, but a free copy would be far more awesome.

  304. Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!!!

    I can’t wait to get your book. I think I have to wait slightly longer because im in the UK. But I can’t wait!!!!!!!!

  307. I like audiobooks! (Wow… despite the exclamation point, that came out in my head like Monty Python’s “I Like Traffic Lights” song… awkward.)

  309. Have you thought about asking your publisher to rent you a Port-a-John to sit in to sign books? That way, whenever you freak out, you can just close the for a few minutes.

    Maybe the door could have “Bloggess TARDIS, Back now in five” or something

    I am proud for you, you’re amazing, and brave, and brilliant 🙂

  310. I’m highly disappointed that you’re not coming to Chicago. 🙁 I’m excited about your book, though! Congrats!

  311. While I was reading your post I said, “If she comes to San Angelo, I will go.” So, see you on the 28th!

  313. what, no Australia? WHAT KIND OF A ROCK STAR DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!? oh, um, yes, you’re a writer … *blushes* … so, book, pretty exciting huh? good luck with that … xt

  317. Congrats!!!! You get your very own Dewey decimal code. Please come to Alberta Canada! I anxiously await iTunes to get my audiobook and Amazon for my printed copy…we are so excited for you!

  318. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Come to KY! We will put you on a horse and parade you around to the hillbillies. It could spur on fodder for a sequel! And we will feed you hotbrown and bourbon. It would be the time of your life. I could even take you to my grandmother’s attic and find all kinds of dead rodents and bats for you to have taxidermied (is that a word?) Either way, you must come to KY on your tour! Oh- and I’d love to win the book!!!

  321. Congratulations! I can imagine having the book in your hand feels both awesome and terrifying. Try to focus on the awesome and tell the terrifying to go stuff itself.

  322. Your tour will surely bring you to Spain, won’t it? We’ve got lots of weird taxidermied things, I promise.

  323. YAY! Congrats! sooo happy and excited for you! Already preordered to my Kindle but this would be GREAT for sharing with friends!

  325. I’m squeaking with excitement. I’ll be in Dallas (actually it’s way north of Dallas) and totally ready to sneak wine into the ladies room and hang out with you.

  326. Not coming to Philadelphia – boo, hiss! We’ll just have to wait for book #2… 😉

  328. Pick me! Pick me!!! I wanna read the 140+ character version of your life thus far 😉

  330. Please come to Atlanta! I’ll finaly replace the broken blender, make you a mean booze slushie and watch, “Shaun, of the Dead”, with TWINE.

  334. Can I talk you into coming to Wisconsin? It’s really nice here, we have beer and cheese!

  336. Please come to Philadelphia. I will treat you to a cheese steak and we can debate people over cheese whiz or real cheese. Then we can buy a pretzel off of a street vendor who has no access to public restrooms. Doesn’t this all sound so appealing. Please come to the Philadelphia area.

  337. Pick me! Pick me! I would love an autographed copy of your book, Oh Amazing Bloggess! Congratulations! (all the way from Canada!)

  339. Jenny-
    Please come to Arizona…..preferably the Phoenix Metro area.
    Congrats!!!!!

    Beth

  341. Congrats! I can’t wait to pick up the book….although I’m stunned that you won’t be visiting my neck of the woods. What kind of book tour doesn’t include the teeming metropolis of Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada? 🙂

  343. Congratulations!

    I apologize in advance if I win the book and still won’t loan out the book I pre-ordered because everyone needs to have their own to keep. And the audio book, too. Condolences to those who have the Kindle version without the cover mouse. Why would there be no cover mouse in the Kindle version? If my memory were better I would certainly worry about that a bit.

    Happy Trails!

    If you cloned yourself so you did not have to continue your tour when you get tired of it, your clone would probably be the one not to tour. And then the second clone would keep that clone company in your real life. So just put that out of your mind.

  346. I want that signed copy more than a fat girl wants cake. And I’m a fat girl…so, um, I should know.

  348. How exciting!!! Can’t wait to receive my copy next month! I’ve actually got a ticker counting down the days!!!

  349. I want one!!! If I don’t win… What about giving one to all the people who support your slushy habbit? Because… I want one!!!

  350. I preordered, of course, but would love the audiobook (and a signed copy of the book-insert squeal-y excitement here).Snarky wisdom could get me through a treadmill workout and life in general.

  352. Congratulations on the book!! It’s amazing! Wish you would have a few Louisiana tour dates as we are just right next door ! Maybe next time! Maybe I can talk my friends into going to the Dallas one! Best of luck to you!!

  353. Oh me, please. There just too many things I’d like to forget have happened right now !

    And you are my hero. That.

    XOXOX
    Mel

  354. I’m hoping that a copy of your book comes to Kobo. I will happily pay for your physical book that I can’t put anywhere (because I haven’t the space) but I like ebooks more now.

    Congratulations!

  355. I am looking forward to reading your book, since your blog makes me laugh til I cry. Sometimes it even makes me think. I’ll read it even though your tour isn’t coming to where I live.

  357. You really should come to the Midwest… We are pretty awesome here… And also, maybe I have missed it, but why are you always wearing the same dress in all your pictures? It’s super cute… But still wondering.

  362. Did you know ‘quincunx’ is a word? And it isn’t even dirty or anything.

  365. come to Nashville!!! That way my boyfriend will no longer have to listen to me saying how much I want to meet you…. and will instead have to listen to me gush about how awesome you are (not that he doesn’t have to do that anyway…) Can’t wait to read the book!

  367. Congratulations 🙂
    If your ever visiting the UK let me know. Would love to see you. And can’t wait to get my hands on a copy of your book 🙂

  371. w00t!! Congrats!!!! Kudos!!!!

    Nothing like getting your actual book copies to hammer the knowledge home. It NEVER gets old.

    Cheers!

  372. Come to Louisville! We have bourbon and mint julips! And the damn Derby! Horses, alcohol, big hats, and southern belles – need I say more?

  373. Huge congratulations! 🙂

    However. Two “buts”…

    But I thought the exciting news was “they” are already planning to make a movie of your book.

    But, there’s no Ohio date(s) on your tour!

    Still. This is awesomeness! 🙂

  378. I genuinely thought that little speech bubble by your (drawn) face said “I’m coming for you.” Which, let’s be honest, is true.

    Wish you were coming anywhere near DC that wasn’t New York because New York smells. Even though I threw up on the street there once, so I’m a real New Yorker now.

  381. I already pre-ordered my copy, but I still want to win the free book so I can give it to my besty.
    I’m bummed you aren’t coming anywhere closer to Southern Oregon b/c we have very nice bathrooms to hide & have panic attacks in. (Trust me, I know.)

  382. Yay for final copies of the book! I’m excited to read it & almost can’t stand to wait until my ebook preorder downloads. 🙂

  385. You need to come to Boston! I will help you Pahk your Cah in Havahd Yahd, give you idears and we can eat LOBSTAH!

  386. This is SO exciting!! I can’t wait and after I sent my Mom a link to the awesome things you wrote about your mom, (it put into words what I think about my mom, so I sent her the link and told her ditto, so thanks! ((the one about how she thinks she is a background character, but is actually a star)))- My Mom is now jazzed to read the book too- I even taught her how to read a blog on the internet (baby steps)

  388. I’ve already preordered the book from Amazon, but I wouldn’t say no to a second copy. And yay! Audiobook! I’ve been listening to a lot of them lately. ‘Cause it’s hard to knit and read at the same time.

  389. Ahhhh!! I love the fluffy kitty butt!! I’ve been following your blog for a while but I never commented… I admit I really would like to win a book… even sans cat fluff, eh hehe. You’re an inspiration to me, since I’m struggling with depression and anxiety as well. Mine is not as severe as yours, so you give me a lot of hope that it’s possible to escape. Thank you 🙂

  390. Congratulations! Now, could you please, pretty please, take a turn in Europe as well? We would be eternally grateful.

  391. Whoo-hoo!! Can’t wait until this comes out – is this open to non U.S. residents? I moved to London recently…*hopeful lower-lip face*

  392. I think you should visit Intercourse PA. I don’t live there or anything but that would be worth the trip. Just think of how many people you would see in the middle of Intercourse.

  394. I can’t wait for you to come to Houston! I’ve been planning to stalk you but you know how busy life gets so I hadn’t gotten around to it yet but now you’re coming here! I’m apparently the laziest stalker ever. I can’t wait! Please don’t get a bodyguard. I’m just geeking out myself! I’m so excited!

  396. Can’t wait to read this book! I love your site….keep making us all smile. Wish you were coming to Philly 🙁

  397. Congratulations! You probably definitely want to come to Springfield, MO. I mean, who doesn’t want to visit the world famous… Yeah, you’re right. We got nothin’. Just the original Bass Pro Shop. Dammit.

  400. Bummer! I’m visiting my family in Cali (from Amsterdam where I live) April 6-15. I SOOO would’ve gone to see you! Good Luck on your tour!

    Lori

  401. Congradulations on the book!!!!!!!!!!! I think you are so awesome.

  402. I would LOVE to win your book! I need my daily laughs! I want to come see you in NYC, I live here – awesome you are coming here on your tour!

  403. Congrats!! So happy for you! And lets be honest, for us too since we get to read it now! I hope all the bookstores on your tour have big enough bathrooms for you to hold court in 😉

  405. Sweet jesus I want that book. I would also like you to come to Michigan. I’ll get you drunk if you do!

  406. Who cares about shark anyway when there’s a new book on the horizon?! Congratulations. You are living the dream for someone like me. Would be an honor to win 🙂 Hope to see you in NYC for your tour!
    -Maiah

  408. Congratulations! Try to enjoy between the freakouts! Can’t wait for my copy to get here!

  410. Congratulations!! I’m so very happy for you! Please (pretty pretty please) consider swinging by DC or Baltimore! We’d love to have you.