UPDATED: Leg Three!

in Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Random Crap

Updated:  The Chicago stop sold out so they’re adding another one.  I’ll have details soon.

Leg three of my book tour starts in a few weeks and I have nothing witty to say here.

Leg three
But in spite of my lack of witticisms I would LOVE it if you’d come to see me on my last week on the road.  Here’s where I’ll be in two weeks:

Wednesday, June 6 at 7pm ~ Montclair, NJ

Thursday, June 7th ~ Blogworld NY

Friday, June 8th at 7pm ~ Brookline, MA

Sunday, June 10th at 2pm ~ Chicago, IL

**********

In non-related news, my friend (Kara) knit me a Gryffindor scarf for Ron Weasely.  And he also got a red wig.

A ridiculous, ridiculous red wig.

It might need trimming for historical accuracy.

IMG_2465

**********

Still nothing witty to add.  I apologize.  I’m not quite myself today.  I blame Ron Weasely’s wig.  To make it up to you I’m giving away a few copies of the Australian, UK  and audio versions of my book.  Just leave a comment telling me which one you want, y’all.

1,117 thoughts on “UPDATED: Leg Three!”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Not yourself today? Is there just one version of you we’re supposed to have??? I’m going to have an audio book one day regardless of if you send it to me or if I use my own damn gumption to get it. Have a wonderful Wednesday lovely lady!

  3. I would love the UK version. I have the ebook and love it!!! By the way, when I was a kid my mom also made us wear breadbags over our shoes, but only when it snowed. I know, crazy, right?

  4. AUDIO! AUDIO! AUDIO! I can’t read while I’ve got the laughter-tears streaming down my face!

  6. Australian. I want to hear about squirrel corpse puppets in an Australian voice.. in my head. K, thanks.

  11. Fear not, dearest Bloggess, you need not be pithy every moment of every day. That would just become tired and unbelievable. You rock, regardless of your updating status. And if I had my druthers, I’d choose the UK version, if that is an option. Don’t feel like you have to send it. Just if you wanna…

  18. audio, audio, audio! The only thing better than this book would be you reading it! 🙂

  19. Oh, that’s cute. I love the little doll in the right back hand corner

  22. UK version, please. 🙂
    Hope you’re feeling yourself soon…as opposed to going round feeling up other people…’cause if they didn’t consent then it becomes a bit tricky for you…
    …just ask first, K?

  23. UK! I’ve already had to order 3 copies of your book for family members. 🙂

  26. It’s like Carrot Top and Ron Weasley somehow conceived a rodent love child with an affinity for 80s hair bands.

    Oh…and I’d love the audio version!

  27. I always look forward to reading your blog during the day. It’s like that ray of sunshine you wait for after the terrible down pour of reality. I would love the audio book. I have a 16 month old son and by the time I attempt to read at night I am so completely exhausted that my eyes can’t even stay propped up. I have an hour commute every day and listening to your book would make that drive a happy trails adventure with all my imaginary car poolers.

  30. Hope you feel better soon! And I wish you’d come back to LA. I couldn’t make your signing when you came out here. I was working that night. 🙁

    I’d love to toss my hat in the ring for the audio book!

    <3,
    -J

  32. I would adore an audio copy of your book. I have been reading parts of your book to my friends and family so it would be amazing to hear it in your voice! 🙂

  33. Audio! I have the book, but I so want to have you read it to me! Plus, OUT TAKES! I’ll end up buying it if I don’t win it. Either way, I must hear it!

  34. I’m still waiting for you to announce your Canadian tour 😀

  35. Oh Jenny, you just posted a photo of a Ron Weasely wearing some kind of 80s hair metal wig, you may be tired and wrung out but you are still totally you.

    I wouldn’t say no to the Aus version but (and I feel like a cruel bitch asking this of you when you are clearly exhausted from being on the road…) I would much rather see you in person in Toronto. Pretty please…you can sleep through it and I’ll do the reading pretending to be you…and everyone would buy you donuts from Tim Hortons. Though I guess since I’d be doing the reading and everyone would think I was you, and think that the real you was just some narcoleptic fan then I would be getting the donuts, but I would share.

    I don’t think I’m quite myself today either.

  37. I would LOVE a UK version of your book! Just to hear it in an English accent would be so amazingly hilarious! And I love Ron’s wig. he should have rocked that look in the movie. <3

  39. Audio! Please so I can listen in my car and laugh my ass off while the folks next to me stare and think I’m insane!

  40. It may be the weather. I find that it the weather sucks my creativity dry, like some sort of creativity sucking vampire, only it’s the weather and I’m me. Anyhow, I’d take an audio version, because I already have it in awesome book format, if I were to win (which is highly unlikely due to my rather remarkable skill at losing). YAY! RAMBLY!

  44. Who cares what version it is? I just have to get my hands on it. Hope you get to feeling better

  46. I would love the audio version because it’s hard to read on my phone while I’ve got a glass of wine in one hand & I’m chasing the toddler (who causes me to need wine) around the house!!!

  47. I’d love the audiobook, but either one would be awesome.

    In any case, how about going back home from Chicago going through Kansas City and Oklahoma? I just added OK to bribe you, since Dr Pants are there. But of course I can offer you something special here in Kansas, of course.

  49. Ooh, audio please! I’m on the hold list at my library, but they haven’t even purchased it yet, alas.

    Ron Weasely looks very dashing with his new accoutrements!

  50. Ron Weasely is looking a little Herminone-weasely in that wig, yo. I’d love a UK version of your book for my British ex-pat hubz, who sadly did not go to Hogwarts.

  51. i would LOVE an audio copy of your book. even though you aren’t feeling yourself you are still awesome 😉 good luck on the third leg of your tour!

    oh and the wig kinda makes ron weasely look like he is trying to be in an 80s rock/hair band. just saying 😀

  52. UK version please!!! The cover is so pretty! And, Ron Weasely’s wig is enough to make anyone have an off day 🙂

  53. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaudio!

    I missed you when you were in MD because my ankle won’t let me drive for more than 20 minutes right now (sprained it roller skating) but I heard you were hilarious and the only problem was that it should have been longer 😉

  54. You have three legs! Amazeballs! If you get a fourth one, could it be in the UK? Ok thanks.

  55. PLEASE come to Seattle!!!! 🙂 Ron is rockin’ the Carrot Top look fur sure! 😉

  56. I want to read the Aussie version and find out if goats get switched to dingos and if it’s Stanley, the Magic Wallaby instead.

  60. Pick up 30 cases of self tanner while in Montclair. Because in New Jersey, the rivers run bronze!
    But I’m pretty sure that’s only due to all of the dead guidos dumped in them.

  61. Fell Better- I’m sure you are exhusted! We all love what you are doing fo us- Going all over the country so your crazy fans can have you sign prescription bottles, boobs, have 911 called (Dallas, cough, cough)!

    UK Audio Version Please 🙂
    (Wouldnt it be great if you did it all in your worst English accent! ha)

  62. Audioooooo! Please. And now I have to figure out how to get to Boston in June. I’m thinking you’ll still be too far away for this time of year (end of school). Western NY. Western NY. Western NY. Please?

  63. I’d still like an audio, and the center part in that red wig is very chic. I will TRY to get to Brookline. To bring my book that’s already signed. So you can add punctuation, or a smiley face, or bitemarks, or something…

  66. I will gladly trim your weasel’s wig for you. <— Man if I had a nickel for every time I said that! I'd have like, 5 cents.

    Does your Aussie audiobook have you doing an Australian accent? Because I would put ALL the shrimps on the barbie for that awesomeness.

  67. I would LOVE an audio copy. I pre-ordered the print version, laughed until I peed while reading it, then laughed even harder at your signing in Atlanta.
    Not that you would remember but you signed my Copernicus shirt and you kindly told me I am photogenic. But really, you are the beautiful one….inside and out!
    Thank you for this blog…the offer of your sudio version has prompted me to come out of lurk-dom and make my first comment.

  69. ANY VERSION FOR ME, PLEASE!!!

    And I am highly dissappointed that Orlando is STILL not part of your book tour. We aren’t THAT far from TX, you know….

  71. I blame Ron’s wig as well. Perhaps a potion class has gone awry. Or maybe he’s been caught trying on Ermione’s wig. Perhaps he’s questioning some of his life choices. Maybe he’s just a little overwhelmed and a giant red wig is his version of a red dress.

    Some days are giant red wig days.

    (Also, UK version for the purdy.)

  72. I would love to hear your tome read to me in your dulcet tones.

  77. Chicago …. That’s getting closer to Minnesota 🙂 so I still have hope! I’d love a chance for audio version of your book 🙂

  78. Audio s’il vous plait. I guess there’s no chance your tour will hit the far north in Canada? I’d send you a stuffed moose or black bear to encourage a visit but where would you put it? Wouldn’t want to overshadow Beyonce… and also I imagine the shipping costs would be prohibitive. Thanks for your book!
    (we call our vultures “mosquitos” up here. they are the same size, look it up, it’s true, I swear)
    Tracy

  81. Audio, please! It’s the least you can do for not coming to San Diego!!! =)

  82. Oh. No. Ron Weasely IS Aubrey O’Day OR Pippi Longstocking without the braids. I need consider this over a shot of vodka. Either way – genius.

  83. OOh, I can haz audio version? Also, I very much appreciate knowing what Ron Weasley would look like as a hippy, uh, weasel.

  84. Please give Ron a haircut. He’s dangerously close to being mistaken for Carrot Top.
    Oh, and if I’m the lucky winner, winner, chicken dinner, i wouldst greatly appreciate the Audio Book.
    I’m pretty sure I have your voice in my head, I just wanna do a cross check for verification.

  85. UK please. I hope you have a fun time in the New England area. The weather up here is rather fickle so you might want to bring shorts for one day and then a snow jacket for the next. 🙂 So far it’s been grand outside, but I’m used to the mild weather.
    -Red

  87. For some reason I interpreted that as if you had made UK and Australian audiobook versions of your book, presumably with you recording it with a different fake accent for each. Not only did I think that was perfectly normal, but my first reaction was to wonder if you were planning on recording a Canadian version as well. How aboot it ,eh? So, yes, please send me a Canadian audiobook version.

  88. Audio please! Hearing you read it out loud would be all kinds of awesome. Though maybe not as much fun as hearing you read it out loud while watching your police escort try to keep a straight face was. That rocked sideways.

  90. Totally Audio so I can hear how awesome you were at pretending you were awesome at recording audio books 🙂

  91. I am reading the book right now. It is hilarious and difficult to find a stopping point! Good luck on the rest of your book tour. I am confident that you will think of funny things to say.

  94. I recently ordered your book online (the paper version in case there is a pole shift or an EMP or for some reason the world goes to hell, I will still be laughing) but I’d LOVE to hear the audio 🙂

  96. Brookline! Yay!!!

    I think I’d like the audio book, too, even if I do find the UK cover of the book to be deliciously creepy, in an Edward Gorey kind of way (that’s not disparaging – I love me some Edward Gorey).

  97. I’d be happy with any of them, but if I really have to choose, the UK. Thank you so much for doing what you do, from bringing awareness to depression and anxiety to making people smile through all of your stories.

  98. Audio! I can laugh out loud at work and everyone will think I love my job!

  99. The audio version would be awesome, because then I could follow along in the book while you read it to me. In your own voice! (I’m still cracking up from the scam phone call I got regarding a “problem with the Windows computer”. The guy told me I could see the problem on screen with my own eyes! I asked him who else’s he thought I might use.)

    By the way, I have seen your book in the wild at a Chapters book store in Newfoundland, Canada. Just thought you’d like to know.

  100. I would LOVE the audio book.

    I hope you feel better soon!

  101. Today, I won a MAJOR battle in my ongoing war with depression and anxiety. In addition to my parents, loved ones and doctors I also wanted to tell you, because you have been such a beacon of hope to me in this last year. You are inspiring, you are amazing, and you have given me strength when I needed it most. If you just wanted to put the cherry on this epic sundae of a day, I’d be thrilled with an audiobook or a UK version, but seriously, this day is already amazing. I now feel the need to make a taco medal for myself. Oh, PS, I’m the weirdo who gave you a taco medal in Houston ; )

  102. AUDIO! I sure do hope you get back to feelin’ like yourself really soon!!!! xoxox

  103. I would love to have an Australian copy of your book. I have my Kindle version, but there’s nothing like holding a real book in your hands…especially an Australian copy! It’d be a first for me. Thank you for writing and blogging. You’ve inspired me to continue on with my blogging; even if only a handful of friends and family read.

  105. I do believe that Ron stole his wig from one of the Ronettes. (groan. I sincerely apologize for that.) Also, I would dearly love an audio copy of the book. I have read 3/4 of the book so far, and am saving the last little bit as a treat to myself.

  107. Dang! I’m coming home from Chicago one day before you are there. Bummer. Come to Memphis, TN. We have a great independent bookstore called Burke’s Books (small place, but it’s cool & in my awesome neighborhood of Cooper-Young.) I can get you their info. if you like…just email me.
    Oh, I already have the audiobook, but if you were coming to town, I’d get a hard copy too just to meet you and have you sign it. 😀

  108. I would like anything, then I can say Jenny Lawson gave me something, something special!

  109. Audio audio audio. When I was little, I used to say video video video really fast to my little brother who, for some reason, found it terrifying. He’s in his 30s now and laughs about it. Until I start doing it again. And then he asks me to stop.

    Try it: saying video over and over fast. It’s fun. It makes your mouth do fun things and it’s wildly annoying and distracting for those around you, which I see as a bonus.

  110. I don’t want one. What I DO want is a Tribe Jenny shirt. Or Bloggess Tribe. Or well.. I’m sure you get the picture. Now see? You’ve got a distraction. Back to your old self in no time.

    I genuflect in your general direction… (south west), Chief Jenny.

    Me like’um. Heap big.

    Later, Doll….

  111. Audio version, please! It would complement my print version oh so nicely! I almost said “video,” which then put the Kidd Video theme song into my head. Anyone remember Kidd Video? Back when Saturday mornings were the only time cartoons were on tv. Kidd was so cute, real and cartoon versions.

  112. Audio, please!! The wig is a nice thought, but it’s a bit of a beast. It’d get me down too. Have fun bringing your version of reality to the East Coast!!

  113. Wish you were coming through Charlotte, NC! I would love to have a copy of the audio book.

  114. I’m still holding my breath and hoping you’ll completely lose your mind and come to Phoenix in Summer so I can meet you. That said I’d love a copy of the audio version. I wanna hear those outtakes!

  115. UK version for me pretty please!! 😀

    Hope you are feeling yourself soon. I understand how you feel….

  116. Any chance you’ll be coming to Canada??? Like to Toronto, Ottawa or Montreal? Pretty, pretty please!? (I can’t make it if it’s in Vancouver, BC ’cause that’s like a 7 hour plane ride away… Hubs says it’s too expensive… jerk.)

  117. That is a pretty magnificent wig .. maybe Ronald Weasely is just channeling his inner Fabio. I’d love to get any of the print versions of your book! It looks beyond funny.

  118. When I’m not feeling myself these days, I read your book. (So the audio version would double my options!)

  119. I SO want the UK version, because I love the curly letters on the front. Or the audiobook, because I want to hear you read it. Or the Australian version, because then I’d imagine you reading it in an Australian accent with Texan undertones. Any of those would make me ecstatic.

    A friend of mine recommended your blog to me a few months ago. It was hilarious. So I had to read every entry in order, starting with June 2007. I just got up to date. That same friend is waiting for me to do something for him, but I haven’t had time, since I’ve been working and, um, reading your blog. He has nobody to blame but himself, because he really should have known that this would happen.

  120. I would love to have the UK edition of your book. The cover is fantastic.
    Glad your tour is going well, and hope you feel more like yourself soon!

  121. Hey – you could take the train (The City of New Orleans) straight down from Chicago. It’s an overnight trip…get a sleeper car and byob. Seriously…it’s kinda on your way back home…

  122. I would kill for an audio version! Not literally, of course, but if necessary I can be talked into all kinds of things! It was SO amazing hearing just that one chapter in your own voice in MD, and I totally already hear it in your voice in my own head. Which is ALMOST as much fun as having it, but not quite.

    Feel more like yourself (or somebody else, whatever floats your boat), get your relax on, and have an awesome time on your next leg!

  123. Chicago!!!! I can get to Chicago. But there is a stuffed lioness in a Ramada lobby here in Milwaukee that you really should see. PLUS the first diorama for natural history display is here too. The famed muskrat display. You must come to Milwaukee! In the name of taxidermy you must come to Milwaukee!

  124. I’d love the UK version. I also cannot think of anything witty to say today. 🙂

  126. I’d love the UK version…pretty please with sugar on top!!

    p.s. Come to Fort Wayne, Indiana on your next tour!!! I can guarantee you that all the girls in my office will flock to see you! That’s 5 people–it’s all you need. Think about it…

  127. Audio book please. Though I’m not sure I will be able to handle what I imagine will be the pain in your voice while reading the dead babies chapter. I almost didn’t make it through.

  128. AUDIO! Hearing you read the book will definitely help keep me awake on my long drive home after late classes!!!

  129. I’d love the UK or Australian version. Though audio would be cool, too. I’m not picky.

  130. YEAH, finally! So awesome, can’t wait! Hope you get some rest in between those legs! Wait, that didn’t sound right… 😉

  131. I love the wig! But, uh, did your friend confuse Ron Weasely with CarrotTop because that is some serious hair action going on! I been dying to buy your book, so thank you for giving me something to read on the plane to our honeymoon!

  132. The audio version. So that I can share your book with my husband. Who won’t read a book to save his life. (But his drawings and sense of humor are crazy awesome!)

  133. I’d love an UK version, so I could read it with Ron Weseal-y accuracy.

  140. I would love one of the UK books! Are you going to try to find a tiny frog for Ron like he had on the train when he met Harry? 🙂

  141. I would love the audiobook. Laughed out loud when I heard the clip, people around me were wondering what was going on.

  142. Uk version please! 🙂 Loved it on my Kindle, would love a real book to hold and share!

  144. Looking forward to meeting you on the 8th of June! My fiancee and I have been anxiously awaiting your book tour’s swing up this way!

  147. I would love a print copy any print copy please 🙂 and as for your tour you are going 1 town over from where i grew up 🙁 I wish with all my heart I could be there. Maybe for leg 4 some where in central or north Florida? Jacksonville, Orlando, Gainesville, St. Augustine? somewhere not 6 hours away.

  148. Ron Weasley’s wig makes him look a little too much like Carrot Top, I think. A strange mash-up, to be sure.

    oh, and AUDIO

    <3

  149. Wittiness seems to come and go. Mine is currently out of commission as well, which is what apparently happens when you transcribe and code interviews for research. But if I were to get your audio book, I’d have something funny to listen to that I won’t need to transcribe since I already have the transcript in hardcover. 🙂

  151. Aussie please, I love everything that has the tiniest hint of Oz attached to it 🙂

  152. So few people have stuffed weasels with nice wigs. And that scarf is just lovely. Exactly what the well-dressed weasels are wearing this season.

  153. I would love an audio version but what would be even better is an audio version with you doing a really bad British accent. Is that possible? Because that would be awesome. But yeah, audio please.

  154. I would love any of those versions!! I am curious to know the difference from the US version. I assume the Australian one is printed upside down.

  155. Holy shit, leg three, you have three legs? Are you kidding? Are you a child of thalidomide or something? Oh, I kid I kid, I can see you’re having a wonderful time.

  156. I would love to hear your inflections to these stories – audio version for sure.

  157. How is the “historical accuracy” comment not witty? Would love love love the audio version.

  159. Oh, I would love the audio version, for sure! I have finished you book (fan-freaking-tastic), but I would love to hear it in your own words/voice!

  160. Audio please! <3 I'm so glad I got to see you in Gaithersburg. You were of course, amazing as always! <3

  161. I want the U.K. version of your book.

    The print version in the Queen’s English.

    Where Beyonce is named Pip and your Dad only stuffs Royals.

    And I want Ron’s red wig.

    Or a stuffed Royal in the red wig.

    Preferably Charles.

  163. WHOOPEE!!!! You’re coming to MA. You are SO on my calendar, girl! Will you sign my arm? (since your book is on my kindle… 😉 )

  166. Good luck with the 3rd leg of your tour! I’m bummed I didn’t get to go see you when you were out here in LA, but such is life. And by the way, Ron Weasely looks like he’s channeling the awesome redheaded girl from Pixar’s new movie ‘Brave’.

    And ps. a UK edition of your book would be fantastic… just sayin’.

  167. Any version of you is still a great version of you! Buck up buttercup….or some other witty saying that won’t do anything but make you annoyed or think on buttercups and what they are exactly. I mean butter is good. So’s a cup. How do you drink without one? So does that make a buttercup good? Hmm. Anyway, I’d love a UK audio version.

  168. Audio, please. I heard you speak in Annapolis, but I want the entire experience in your very own voice. (Psst, I’m STILL not really a stalker. I realize my case is getting weaker and weaker on this point).

  170. I’m not myself either; now that I realize I won’t see you on tour…

    I reckon you’re just going to have to come to visit for the weekend.

  171. I’m so furiously happy that you are coming to Boston!
    And I would love an audio version, please!

  172. I’m totally bummed you’re not coming to Denver. It’s a really nice place, and it’s not too far from Boulder, so you’re guaranteed to have people come to see you who are weirder than you could ever imagine.

    I already have your book, so if you pick my name, please give the book to the next homeless person you see. Their signs always say “anything helps,” and a book is smack-dab in the middle of that category.

  174. So excited you are coming to Massachusetts. Both my mother and I are huge fans of the blog and book so we will be there!

  176. Yay! Brookline! I live right down the street from the Booksmith! Unfortunately I’ll be out of the country when you are there 🙁 I think the audio book would make up for me not being able to see you live.

  177. After looking forward to having you visit my town, Annapols, I ended up missing the chance to come see you. Thanks Mom for making me take you to the ER and spending the night in the hospital…Don’t let that influence your decision though, unless it does, then audio book please 🙂

  179. Audio! Please please please! Haven’t been able to afford any version yet and an audiobook I could listen to during my delivery job would be AMAZING and make work infinitely more cheerful!

  180. I came to leave a comment about your tour and lookie I get to be in a drawing for AUDIO VERSION please.

    ok now then.. I *knew* you’d so be here for Boston Pride week! You are in Brookline on the 8th, the Boston Pride march is on June 9th. Come. Ride. With. Us!!!

    eastcoastbikerchicks.com 🙂

    we lead the parade and I’ll be on my Harley!

    comecomecomecomecomecomecome.please? I’m coming to the signing, you can’t miss me. butch. grey hair. non-blending material. and if it’s nice I’ll be on the bike.
    think it over until then. 🙂

  181. I’d love the U.K version please. I could hear you using a Texas/English accent as I read it. Sweet!
    I’m proud of your success. Attagirl!

  182. I would love, love, LOVE the audio version since you’re the narrator.

  183. I would love the UK version. So unhappy I missed you in Houston.

  184. So excited you are coming somewhere not too far from where Im at in Kenosha. Will you be bringing Hamlet von Schnitzel with? Cant wait to meet you!

  185. Audio please, and I will take you any way I can get you. Wait, I didn’t mean that…well, I meant that, but not the way it sounded. Okay, maybe the way it sounded but I certainly didn’t mean to say it out loud. Pass the hooch.

  186. A copy of the audiobook would be delightful. Also, perhaps one day you’ll visit Pittsburgh on a book tour. =) You’ve definitely got some fans in the Steel City!

  188. Audio would be cool! I have your book on hold at the library, but would love to listen to it. Maybe it would teach my 18-month old some choice new words?!
    Also, come to Portland!
    Oregon, that is.
    We love you.

  189. I’d be grateful for any version you would be willing to send me. It looks like everyone is pretty stoked about the UK & Audio versions, so I’d be more than happy to take an Australian version off your hands!

  190. So does that mean you put on an accent for the different countries? I am totally confused but would sooo love to win.

  192. UK Version. The script on the UK front cover is making my font-nerdy heart squee.

  193. Could I please have the UK version? Haven’t been able to find your book in the U.S. yet.

  195. It’s ok to not be witty sometimes. Can’t let the bar get too high, because then… you can’t reach the whiskey? I don’t know where I was going with that. Anywhoo, I’ve read the book twice now, so I’m gonna ask for the audio because I want to hear it how YOU read it, not the people in my head. THANK YOU for being you, witty or not!

  200. I just finished the book and immediately lent it to my sister, who is already well into it. I would love to actually hear it read via audio-book!

  205. Audio version, definitely! I wish I could’ve attended your Gaithersburg event, but life got in the way 🙁 Good luck with the 3rd leg of your tour!

  207. So at some point in the tour we need to get thee more south of Annapolis, more north of any part of VA, to be smack dab in DC. AND THEN I’M THERE!

    Also, I want either the audio or physical version. I’m begging and beggars cannot be choosy, as my mother says. Well, she’s actually wrong (as usual); they can be: the homeless woman outside the Metro who declined food when her sign clearly read “Hungry. Will die tonight without some sort of food” said “I don’t eat that shit” when offered a sandwich someone had from home.

  208. I would love either the audio version or Australian. Because they have wombats in Australia and a disturbing lack of waffles.

  209. Ron’s wig makes him look like Merida from that new Pixar movie Brave. Just saying.

    And the audio version would be awesome if you pick me 🙂

  212. I’d like the audio version since I’ve already purchased the book. Plus I can fall asleep to the sound of your voice… er uhm… insert something less creepy here.

  213. I wish you were coming all the way up to Milwaukee, I’ll have to try to get my butt to your Chicago stop!
    If I were to win, I’d take the UK version.

  214. Oh yay! You’ll be here for the Printer’s Row Lit Fest! (Wow, I just realized that’s one letter away from a WHOLE different kind of festival…though no less fun, I’m sure.) See you there!

    I’d opt for audio since I’ve already bought two print copies (one for me, one for my mom so she’d give me mine back).

  215. OMG – I would LOVE an audio version! You reading the Series of helpful post it notes for my husband would be priceless!

  217. Yay! I love giveaways! I wish you were coming to Seattle though. Or have you? I’m not myself today either.

    At any rate, if I’m lucky enough to win, I’ll take an audio version, please.

  218. UK please?! You’ve given us enough wit for several more days, I think… enjoy the tour!

  219. The UK version would be most lovely if you happen to choose me. triple thanks in advance.

    And Ron’s wig looks amazing, that’s how I’d imagine he’d look in the book,you know, if he were in a heavy metal band. Or something.

  221. I’d love an audio version!! It was so awesome when you came to Atlanta btw!

  222. Audio! I can’t listen to music when I’m walking the dog because it throws off my stride, and since we kind of live in the ghetto, laughing hysterically for no reason helps keep the muggers from bothering to try and steal my poop bags.

  223. Wish your tour was going to bring you to the great white north up here in Canada!! I suppose my hurt could be soothed with a copy of the audio book! 🙂

    P.S. That’s how I imagine Ron Weasley would look during his 80s hair band phase….

  224. Audio please. I saw you in Atlanta and you were awesome. I wish I could be as awesome as you.

    Seriously.

    I may have a tiny lesbian crush on you. Maybe.

  225. I want to hear you, so I prefer audio!
    connie
    Ps, If you aren’t quite you, who else are you?

  227. I wants a book. Gives me one of those “you have to turn the pages and read it” type books or the “stick it in and push play” kind. I am not picky. = )

    p.s. I have been officially upgraded from homeless to a home on wheels. My dog Rupert and I bought our very first car today. It was so scary and exciting. Yay! us. Maybe next time you go on tour I can drive somewhere and find you and wave from a distance because I will be too nervous to come up and say hi.

    “Don’t Leave” … bestest advice ever!

  228. I would LOVE a copy of the audiobook. Especially since I will be going to Boston in June and plane travel makes me extremely anxious but it must be done because I am officiating at a wedding and it would be awesome to have you reading to me on the plane.

    I gave my Mom a copy of your book for Mother’s Day. I haven’t really heard from her since then. I don’t know if this means she’s not speaking to me or laughed herself hoarse (or, God Forbid, to death). She told me she expected to get some insight into my psyche from reading the book, since I tell her all the time how well I relate to what you write about.

  229. Audio version so I can listen to it in the car and hopefully run into jogger who regrets eating a cookie, then I have an excuse I can blame it on laughing too hard to see the skinny bitch. The cops would understand that… right???

  230. Seeing you in Charlotte was wonderful last week! Thanks so much for signing my metal chicken! I would LOVE to have the audio version of your book!

  231. I wish you could come to Klagenfurt, Austria so that I could have you sign my book! You are my favorite woman in the world second only to Condoleeza Rice (I mean c’mon with that bad ass name (I am only judging based on names – to make my favorite woman in the world contest fair)). I am probably going to rig the intercom of my German speaking school and make them all listen to me read it to them, they will be unwilling at first but they would become enamored with you, erecting Jenny Lawson statues, and then attempting to find you. All of Austria would become obsessed with you and nominate you to rule their country in a communistic style.
    It will benefit you greatly.

  232. Still no Denver?!? *sob* A copy of the audio book might help make up for that oversight. Maybe.

  233. UK version. Or any of them. Why is the UK cover so much more whimsical and lovely on the cover than the US version? Are Brits more open to whimsy than we are?

  234. For all y’all who can get to a reading, DO IT. I am still appreciating hearing your material, Jenny, in your own voice a few weeks ago when you were over here in the paradise that is the San Francisco Bay Area. I don’t need an audio book, just wanted to say damn, you’re awesome. XO

  235. Take a break. Eat some every flavor beans.

    If I were to win an audio book, I’d be very happy.

  237. Uk! I have to say, I think Ron Weasley looks a lot more like Hermione now! What with the length and texture!

  238. I would so so so SO LOVE an audiobook!!
    Again, need something to keep me sane-ish in the lab. Or at least make me giggle until I don’t care. Either will work.

  239. Audio book! My eight year old son has already picked up the book with the cute mouse on the front and started reading.

  242. Would be grateful for an audio copy. My husband and I love your blog! He brought me a double unicorn success club t-shirt for me for mother’s day. You are touching lots of lives, I hope you know.

  243. I would love an audio copy of your book. I wish me of your dates was in Ontario so I could be close enough to come and see you.

  247. Jenny! I’m so disappointed! The day you’ll be in Boston I’ll be in New York visiting my Swiss friend. Any chance you’ll be coming back? Life is so unfair.

  248. OH MY GOSH! I’m so excited you will be in Brookline!! Can’t wait to see you!

    And please may I have the UK version of your book? That would be jolly badass!

    Accio Jenny!

  250. I would love an audio version! Or UK. Or Aussie. But audio is my first choice.

  251. Any of the above. I haven’t been able to fit one into the budget yet and my “new book” change jar keeps getting raided by my teenagers. The wait is killing me! Well, maybe not killing me but it is definately making me twitch.

  253. Please Please Please come to Washington!! We NEED you here! I will even buy a hardcopy (already got my kindle version) of your book for you to sign!

  254. I’m thrilled I might get to see you in Montclair AND at the Blog Expo in NYC!

    (Hoping for the audio book.)

  256. I would love any version of your books. 🙂 I still think you’re absolutely amazing for doing this tour. Way to be a rock star.

    Ron looks like he’s gone all hippie, with a permanent wave. But it all strangely fits in with the dolls in the background.

  257. Do you have UK or Australian versions of the audio book? Cause that would be pretty sweet if you read the whole book to us in an accent. If not, I would still like an audio book in your lovely voice. Wish you were coming to Seattle! Next book?

  261. You mustn’t cut his hair! Like Samson, he’ll lose all his power!

    BTW, Audio me!

  262. HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHITYOU’RECOMINGTOCHICAGOANDIT’SREAL

    HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT

    Oh, if I win, audio, but I don’t need to win because I’m already winning because OMG YOU’RE COMING TO CHICAGO AND IT’S REAL OMG.

  263. The Weasely wig is more like “Sideshow Bob”–imagine the Simpsons episode in which he sings the whole score to HMS Pinafore to Bart for the best contextualisation…

  264. I desperately want the audio book. I’ve heard from all my bloggy friends who have been lucky enough to see you on your book tour that your book is even funnier when you read it. Besides, it will make the lives of truckers more exciting if I listen to your book while driving down the interstate…laughing and crying.

  265. I’d love an audio version! (p.s. was sooooo bummed I didn’t get a chance to come see you last weekend in G’burg!! Darn kids mucked everything up!)

  266. Actually, if we’re talking Ron Weasley circa Goblet of Fire, the wig is accurate… he could’ve given Ariel a run for her money with that hair.

  268. I welcome Ron’s copper tresses to the redhead collective.
    Also – were you so inclined an audiobook would be spiffy (as I already own and have read the hardcover).
    I really enjoyed the short audio clip you shared with a few weeks ago.
    Also – still waiting for the Northwest leg of your tour. 😉

  269. Just ordered your book. So glad it’s available in a Dutch bookstore. Looking forward to reading it. Love your blog.

  270. I would adore the audio version. Almost as much as I adore you. But since it’s you reading it… Does that mean I’d adore it all the more?

  271. JUNE 8–are you kidding me? The one day I can absolutely NOT be there because of middle school graduation???? Come on! Karma–you ARE a bitch and I HATE you!!!

  273. I, Too have nothing witty to say. I do know that a UK version of your audio book would make driving to my PGCE placement a lot more enjoyable.

  274. Oh, audio, without question 🙂
    But, you can add questions if you like 🙂 🙂

  276. I just may have to come see you in Chicago. I would love the audio tape book.

  279. Audio Book, please! I would love to be able to hear your expressions with all of your stories. You rocked it in Gaithersburg last weekend!!

  280. I want the Australian version, because my Australian best friend is about to move back to her home country and abandon me – your book might make her absence a little easier to bear.

    btw, congrats on all your success!!!

  281. You started a sentence with “Leg Three” and couldn’t come up with a joke for that? IT’S A THIRD LEG, JENNY!!

    I’m worried.

    Should we send help?

  284. These are the moments when you seem so very real and unapologetically human to me. These are the moments, when your tempo changes for no specific reason, that I see myself in. Where I know that every part of me, the ups, downs, and all arounds, are pretty fabulous too in their own way. No reason or excuse necessary. Thanks for sharing all of you with all of us.

  286. So sorry you are not feeling quite yourself today. Feel better soon.. I would love any version of your book, prefer hands on.

  288. Always okay to be just who you are. It helps, though, if who you are is a renowned bestselling author 🙂 I’m happy with anything free you want to throw at me. Though, I guess I would choose the audio because it would probably hurt less when it hit me in the face.

  289. I would love the Australian or UK version. Thanks for making me laugh!

  290. I would love the audio version! 🙂 Hope you are feeling back to your normal self soon.

  291. I heard you/met you in San Angelo, Tx and encourage everyone to make an effort if you are anywhere close. An experience not to be missed. I would love the audio book so I could keep you in my car for when I need a good laugh/pick-me-up!

  292. I am still hoping for the audio version. My library isn’t carrying the audio and I would LOVE to listen to it.

  294. Audio version please. The author reading her own story is awesome!
    Thanks for being you; you bring smiles to many, many faces.

  296. Audio please — I want to hear if the reading of it by someone outside my head is as funny as the words I hear in my head!

  298. That wig is hideously awesome. 😉

    An audio version would be so cool!

  300. My first thought when I saw that picture was, “Why is Ron cross-dressing as Hermione?” That wig would be PERFECT for her, if it were a little more brown. :o)

    And if I’m lucky enough to get picked – UK version please! Or the audio. :o)

  301. M.U.S.T. H.A.V.E. A.U.D.I.O. V.E.R.S.I.O.N. *If you had the audio version of me reading my comment, I would sound like a zombie. It is a gateway to the apocalypse. There honestly is no other way to read it. In fact, you just read it in your own zombie voice and can feel a certain apocalyptic breeze through the crack under the door. I’m sorry.

  303. I would LOVE an audio book!
    When you coming to Cleveland, OH???? You have no tour dates here and i’m seriously sad!!!

  304. Ron Weasley’s wig will need the hair straightened as well – or a story about why he suddenly has curls!

    I would love the UK version, I think the more whimsical cover is adorable.

  305. AUDIO please! I must hear your voice telling me your stories as I hear your voice in my head as I read anyway! BTW…could you add just ONE more leg to your tour…the Pacific Northwest LOVES you, and if you came to, say, Walla Walla, Washington or La Grande, Oregon, I GUARANTEE at least two people would show up! 😉

  310. And I really need to remember that text emoticons change into images here as my “smile” comes out as a surprised face! 🙂

  311. I am coming to Chicago!!!!

    (and I would LOVE to hear the singing on the audio book! please, please!!!)

  315. Aww maybe you’ll come to CT on leg 4?? Wait, does that mean your book tour will take on some sort of animal persona then (4 legs…)?

    I’m going to be taking a 10 hour road trip next month, I’d love the audio version to help pass the time driving!

  319. OPLEASEOPLEASEOPLEASE pick me! I need to hear you sing the titles on the audiobook! (but if that’s already gone, I’ll take the whimsicle UK edition!)

  320. OMG!! There’s a possibility I can come see you at Printer’s Row! Wooeee!!!

    Also, where is the picture of you with 3 legs?

  322. Your book is on my list of many to read and/or listen to! Would love the audio version!

  323. I wish you were going to be in the Phoenix Area. I would love to pick up you book directly from you! I would like to UK version if i win 🙂

  324. PLEASE, for the love of God and all things holy, please bestow an audiobook to me!! I’m whimsy, I swear I am!! 🙂

  325. UK version… audio version… ARGH. @.@

    Sad thing is my parents asked what present I want for my Nameday tomorrow and everything I want would have to be bought online from abroad and they’re just not able to do it ARGH.

  328. The audio version of your book would officially make me the coolest person I know!

  330. I would love to have the audio book. But more importantly, I wish I could get you a “Harry Otter” for your collection. But when I looked up taxidery otters…well the price was a bit steep. But my heart was in the right place!

  331. Pretty please can I have the audio version. We are driving to NOLA this summer and that would rule. Because I love you!

  332. Cannot wait until you come to Massachusetts!! I’m halfway through your book, but I fully plan on being finished with it by June 8th. If you’re giving away audio books, I’d love one of those because I won’t lie – I dislike reading, but you’re book is just too freaking awesome to NOT read (hence why I caved and am reading it). See you in 2.5 weeks! I’ll have to start thinking of some strange, yet notable, gift to give you……

  333. Audio would be lovely then I can make my boyfriend listen to it in the car on long trips (like maybe to Chicago to see you on the last week of your tour!) and we can hear it waaaaaaay too much together!
    We’ll bond, it’ll be wonderful!

  334. Hi Jenny, I would LOVE a copy of the Australian version!

    Just wanted to say too how great it is to hear updates on the tour and how fabulously well your book is doing!! 🙂

  335. I would be up for the Audio version. I’ll still be at your Chicago signing to buy a book and get it autographed!

  337. i would like the UK or Australia version because I spent half my honeymoon reading my kindle version on the toilet bowl

  338. I would like the audio version of your book please. Or the UK copy of the book, either would be cool. 🙂

    In case the sob story will help my chances, both my remaining grandparents just died in the past 10 days and I could use a laugh, so the book would really help me not be a miserable git right now.

  341. OMG, OMG, OMG, you’re coming to my neighborhood! I’m all a-flutter. I get to meet the funniest person on the Internet in actual person in Montclair, NJ. I’m so excited. You don’t have to give me any kind of free book because I need to buy one at Watchung Booksellers in Montclair. (I think I’ll buy the US version, eh?) I will need you to sign it for me because I totally lack the imagination to come up with something unique for you to sign.

  343. uk version please! that red wig is awesome. ron’s a very lucky weasel!

  348. dudeeeeeeeeeee is it in an aussie accent??? I want that otherwise plain old english 😀 anyway ron looks like ginny so watch out for hairy otter cause he might have ummmmm ideas 😀

  349. Audio! To make up for the fact that you didn’t come to Seattle so I didn’t get to hear you in person. 🙂

  350. AUDIO! And I pray you used an accent with it too!!!

    Also, Ron’s wig looks like it belongs to Ms. Grangers, I say dye it! I’ll keep my eyes open for a perfect Ron wig!

  355. I feel, quite strongly, that you should come to Canada on your tour! Specifically, Vancouver, BC. Please and thank you (see? we are *really* polite). Also, this whole “third leg” of your tour – is that some sort of thinly veiled penis reference? As in, leg one was the right one. Leg two was the left. And now there’s the mysterious third leg… I’m just sayin’ 😉

    ps. Audio book please! I’m not sure if it’s possible, but I think you’re book might be funnier with your vocal intonation. Although, since I’d be listening to it while driving it might not be safe. That’s a chance I’m willing to take though. That’s how brave of a fan I am.

    pps. Penis.

  357. I’m soooooooo sad that you are not coming to Louisiana! 🙁 Of course, I’ll take ANY version.

  358. I think you should choose me just for pure idioticy, I’m not ev en sure that’s a word!
    BUT I just realized that I didn’t add Australian to my comment!!!!

  359. I have the UK book already thanks, I’ve read it cover to cover and loved it. But why did they change the cover? It has the ugliest title in weird lettering.

  360. Dear madam,

    I would greatly appreciate the whimsy of the UK version of your fantastic book.
    And it deserves high praise because my friends, who dislike reading, are being forced to read your book by yours truly, and they now love it.

    Thank you for your contribution to the I’m-Going-To-Make-Them-Read-Even-If-It’s-The-Last-Thing-I-do Organization.

  361. I want the UK or Aussie Audio book in which you fake their accent as badly as possible.

  367. Everybody has off days 🙂 I know I would be a hot mess after being on the road for as long as you have been now. I would love an audio version of your book since I so rarely have time to read with my 3 y/o and 4 y/o around. I would also kill for some of your super awesome animals in costume…but I would settle for a book

  370. I would love to have the audiobook, but I’d take any of ’em! I wish I could have come see you in Annapolis, but alas, I have anxiety issues & couldn’t have faced the crowd. : (

  372. I’m off today too. It’s been a weird one. Hope we’re both back to our usual selves soon.
    I would very much like the UK version.

  373. I’d love a copy of the audio book. I’d also love to hear you on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. I’d also love a mint chocolate chip ice cream bar.

  374. I want the one with the funky tree root font!!! Just because I think it’s spoooooooky and cool. (kind of like you)

  376. I’d love the UK version. Hope you feel better!! And sad you never made it to Portland OR – we need you here. 🙂

  377. Audio! Audio! I’d love to hear you say douchecanoe. It’s kinda my dream.

  380. Audio book please! I’m almost through reading the book (It’s amazing!) but I can only imagine how hearing it in your narration would be, laugh out loud funny I’m sure!

  382. I would appreciate any – Australian (I am DownUnder, after all. Just not in Australia, I’m across the Ditch), UK or audio.

    And let’s face it, sometimes trying to be witty sucks. Especially if you’re not in the mood. I’ll take the Bloggess in whichever mood she’s in 😉

  383. Although I have already bought a copy, I would love to not have to read your book! I’d rather listen!

  385. Audio, please, please, pretty please?

    Does it bump up my chances if I promise to make my friend meet me in Chicago for your signing?

  386. I’m reading your book now, and wanted you to know I’ve almost peed myself several times. Oh, and the book is funny, too!

    I’d love an audio copy, if I win. 🙂

  388. I would LOVE an audio book! 🙂 Thanks for inspiring me not to be afraid of my own misfit voice.

  391. That UK cover makes me furiously happy. It’s absolutely the one I’d pick…unless you are planning on doing a British- or Aussie-accented audiobook. That would totally rock too!

  392. When you have three legs do you buy two sets of the same shoes or opt to give the third leg its own different shoe?

    I’d like to win an audio version.

  394. I would love to listen to the audio book! your readings on your tour have been amazing!

  395. I would love the audio book! Thanks so much for coming to Maryland and signing my actual book. <3

  396. Oh dear, Ron Weasely looks kinda like carrot top. I love it, though, and the scarf is awesome! I just finished reading my friend’s copy of your book, and I loved it! I would love the audio book, though!

  397. Would love a copy of your book for my small community library, here in Kaiwaka, New Zealand! Not fussy on which edition, any would be welcome. The library is run by volunteers, on a very small budget.

    I’ve been a fan of your blog since a friend posted on Facebook about the giant metal chicken, and I pass it on to friends every chance I get. And respect your posts about mental health – they’ve been an eye-opener to me, and they’ve given me new perspective on life, the universe, and everything. Thank you for that!

  399. I have nothing witty to say either (must be something in the air!) so I will just note that the UK version would be whimsilicious!

  400. I desperately need a copy of your audio book. I drove 167 miles to see you in (near) Miami. Very well worth it. I have read your book twice (twice, I say!!) now and absolutely HAVE to hear you read it. Sorry I’m not very witty, I leave that to the experts like you!

  401. Trapped by the silver ribbon loved your book and have a few stories to top yours, like when I climbed to the the top of the pyrimid of the sun – and why isn’t human sacifice legal, cause when I’m in a mood I can think of a few people to try it on. Please send me Australian audio versions of the book although I am a Doctor fan.

  402. I would love a UK version of your book. I sort of collect them because they seem so much cooler than the US versions. And I read them with a British accent in my head. FYI, Anthony Bourdain sounds really funny with a British accent.

  403. I want Juanita… Oh did you men a book? I’ll take a hard bound version please….

  404. Or the time I played Dracula and pasted out at the sight of blood and made national news wire (AP)

  405. Is it too late to beg for an Australian copy of the book? The Bloggess the first website that I open at work every morning to get my day off to a good start. If I have the book, I could get everything off to a good start. Pretty please?

  406. Either of the paper editions would be a joy, seeing as they don’t sell your book at my local bookstore. They must be strictly anti-deer sweater. It’s the only plausible explanation.

  407. Being Aussie, I’d love the Australian version of your book! I keep forgetting to order it, then my kids do annoying things like eat all the food so I have no money again. One day I will just let them starve and order it. They can survive off laughter for a week 🙂

  408. I’ll have you know this is the first time EVER I have commented on someone’s blog. Yes, I like you THAT much. I’d love any type of copy of your book, but more importantly, I want to know WHY you aren’t coming to the most amazing state of Colorado?!? I’d love to meet you and possibly even bring you a taxidermied animal of sorts. Consider making another leg of your journey and include CO–everyone here loves you!

  409. Laughed so hard I had tears running down my face! Awesome. I’m happy you’ll be coming to Chicago. My sister just got tickets ordered to see you! If you get a chance to come to Peoria, IL, I will be able to come see you. I’m happy she can go and take pics. I’m so jealous:) I hope you are having a good week!

  410. uk version…please, please, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  411. Audio book please!! I’m SO EXCITED you’re coming to Chicago, I’ll see you there!!

  415. historical accuracy is for suckers. long, flowing red locks are for the ron we all wished he would be in our heart of hearts. seriously he looks just like my scottish lumberjack first boyfriend. once, i braided his hair around straightened clothes-hangers and he looked just like pippi longstocking. it was fabu. ….if that is your definition of fabu: a male pippi. apparently it’s mine.

    audio version, please!

  417. Audio version!

    I was reading your book in bed around 1:00am, because that’s what I do. I started laughing so hard at your story of taking too many laxatives and thinking a rapist slipped a note under the bathroom door that I shook the bed with my convulsions, waking up my other half. He mistook my laughter and enjoyment as having some sort of mental break/panic attack (not out of the realm of possibities at 1am) and started consoling me. I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to tell him it was a good thing. Thanks for everything you’ve written – past, present, and future.

  418. I think Ron looks a bit to much like “carrot top” for his own safety.

  419. I love the cover on the UK version, but since I already have the US edition, I’d go for the audio book.

  421. Australian version please!!!
    And of you want to deliver it in person, you can totally stay with us in suburban Melbourne.
    It’s almost exactly like where you live, except for all the nature. And bobcats. I don’t think we have bobcats here. But we do have an assortment of deadly snakes and spiders so it’s still always an adventure!

  422. 1. Yay for having a third leg! Not many people have one of those.
    2. That wig is epic-ly… epic. I have no words.
    3. I hope you start to feel better. I’ve been more myself this week than I have in the past month and it’s been a breath of fresh air. I hope your break between legs (would that be a crotch?)… Whatever it is… I hope it’s relaxing.
    4. If you need someone to talk to, you can always call me. I’m a great friend. I’ll send you pie.

  427. Do the UK and Australian versions come with their respective regional accents?! If so, I want the UK version…

    But really, I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED the audio book!!!!

  428. I’d love the UK version – I like the title font better. Or…..if you read the audio version yourself, then I guess I’d prefer that. How’s that for indecision?

  429. No request as we already have the audio book…which is awesome. I am glad that your publisher overlords paid attention to my comment a while back about you coming to Chicago. I assume it was that and not something insubstantial like sales data or purchaser demographics. It’s how most PR decisions are made, by consulting my comments on other people’s blogs.

  430. tomorrow is my birthday. i’m not having dinner with you, but my husband, who isn’t as funny or witty as you are.

    I’ll take an audio book, please. I drive from raleigh to philadelphia a few times a year and your audio book will remind me that SOMEONE BRINGS ME JOY AND LAUGHTER.

  431. I dont like his new wig. he’s trying too hard.

    *audio book please*

  435. I would love any version in English that I can get. i would especially like the audio version as I listen to them everyday on my bike rides along the beach in Santa Monica, Ca.

  436. If you could use a handholder, or crowd mananger I can yell “back off” with them best of them, fetch you shushies and whatever else you would deem for me to do. I love books but am coming downtown for you to sign mine and would love to hang out!

  438. I love Ron weasly and his historically inaccurate wig and I love that you have people that make clothes for your friends!

  439. …hope you enjoy your 3rd leg! I’d LOVE an audio book… I just got my copy from Amazon–pre ordered but just arrived, I live in the Canadian Arctic so postage takes awhile!

    🙂 Sarah

  440. I would love an audio version of your book. It would give me something amazing to listen to while I’m not feeling well enough to sit up 🙂

  441. I would love a UK version, that way I can imagine the Doctor saw it in a book store and sent it to me. 🙂

  442. I would LOVE any of the versions of your book, but as I already own the hardcopy – the audio version would be my pick. Hope you get some much needed rest. That tour has to be brutal – fun – but exhausting. We miss you in Texas. Think about coming to College Station? My crazy friends and I would LOVE to hang out with you. We’ll bring the wine.

  444. That Ron Weaseley wig is making me laugh so freakin hard! He has bigger hair than I did in the 80’s and that is saying A LOT!!!!

    Would love to win an audio version of the book!

  445. I’m thinking the Chicago reading is going to be jam-packed, because hello SUNDAY? Not only am I buying fake followers to roadtrip with me and my imaginary friends, but I imagine 2/3 of the midwest will as well.
    So, wait, if that’s all imaginary…will that drink/hair braidy offer apply? I’ll have to get extensions if so.

  446. Don’t need the book. I downloaded and read it on my IPhone…just wanted to say that I LOVED IT! I found out too late that you were in Atlanta, otherwise I’d have been there. I might have even had you sign my boob!

  449. Even if I don’t win the UK version of your book, I am going to get a copy because the description of the UK cover includes the word “whimsical”. I’m not sure why; I like it anyway. And the cover is way more like what I thought it SHOULD than the American cover. And I’m an American.

  450. St. Louis is on your way home from Chicago. Could you please pretty please stop here? My friend saw you in Atlanta and I’m so jealous.

    Otherwise I guess I’ll have to settle for the audio version of your book.

  451. I would love the audio book, so I can be the coolest Mom at school pickup and maybe they will all want to sit in my car while we’re waiting for our kids when they see me laughing hysterically. Or maybe they will stay far, far away because they think I am insane and laughing at the maniacal voices in my head. Whatever. Either way, the audio book would still ROCK!!!

  452. Welcome back, y’all!

    I would love an audio version, I’ve got to hear the bloopers. Picked up the hard-copy last night, couldn’t put it down and now fear for my sanity.

  453. I would LOVE the UK book version. I would be the coolest person I know if I held that in my hands, for even a moment.

  454. I would love any of them. The audio version might be dangerous while driving my son to daycare but since the school year is almost over and I’ll be out for the summer, I can just listen while I drive around the block a few times for Me Time.

  457. Loving the wig, do they make those in grown up sizes?? So I would like any of the above mentioned copies. I like the UK one a bunch, but I’m not picky!

  458. As I have a copy I won’t be greedy and try to get an audio book (wait… is that an oxymoron?) but I wanted to tell you that you are seriously one of the funniest people on the planet and I am a tough audience. I like Ron’s wig. He looks very Rapunzel. You need the entire cast of Harry Potter. You could do one of those stop-action movies with all your creatures.

  459. I would love an Aussie audio book to go with the hard copy I got that was totally THE BEST Mother’s day IN THE WORLD!!! <3

  463. Any chance we’ll see you up in Canada? Vancouver is a lovely city to visit this time of year…. I’ll be getting the audiobook either way, but if you wanted to send it, I wouldn’t object. 🙂

  464. If I won a copy of the book, I would just lend it out to all the people I love who need to laugh.

    (and thank you for all the Don’t Move To Texas advice…. cow vagina, scorpions, foxes & snakes…. makes our 10 feet of snow seem so safe)

  465. As my mother is the head Zookeeper of the Australian exhibit at the Ft. Wayne IN Children’s Zoo(I grew up with Kangaroos in the house). I would be remiss if I didn’t ask for an Aussie version.

  466. Oooh, in honor of Ron’s lovely new scarf and wig, I’ll take the UK version.

  467. I would love a copy of the UK version along with a bit of Ron’s wig to use as a book mark 🙂

  469. Audio version! Because every time I listen to it, I will not only hear your book, but I’ll hear Neil’s advice for you: “Pretend you’re good at it.”

  470. I really wish that you were coming to the Philadelphia area. My P.O.S. car can’t be trusted to make the trip to the nearest areas you’re going to be.

    I would love the UK version of your book.

  471. If you can provide an audio version read by you, then audio.

    If not, UK version of the book would be awesome.

  472. Audio……. I’d love to hear the entire memoir in YOUR voice!!! So sad I can’t make it to Brookline- but I have to bring my kids to Warwick RI to celebrate the colonists burning a British ship that got stuck in the harbor at low tide…… one of the acts that led to the revolution…..AND they go in full 1770-something garb!!! Woohoo! (maybe I will not get stuck in the middle of a 5k that no one warned me about this time!)

  473. I live in NH, and I see that you will be in Brookline MA for your tour. Will you be doing a book signing? Because I have your book as an ebook 🙁

  474. Ron Weasely’s wig looks a little “Carrot Top-y” to me.

  475. UK version, pretty pretty please! And then I can have you sign it – when you come to Massachusetts!!!!!!! So excited 🙂

  476. I live in NH, and I see that you will be in Brookline Ma, on June 8th. Which is the closest tour to me. Will there be a book signing? I have your book as an eBook right now 🙁

  479. Audio would be awesome! Hearing motherfucker with a Texas twang makes it seem more authentic somehow.

  480. Definitely audiobook. It would make my early morning drive to work much more fun.

  481. I would love the audio copy of the book! It would be great to hear you tell the stories. Although, I’d treasure any of them!

    So sad, I can’t get to any locations of your book signings. I’m so glad to see that you are thriving with the tour though. The love and support of your fans is truly inspirational. You really are an awesome person.

  482. Audio version for me, please! I have your book but would love to hear your little kid voice 🙂

  484. BTW, I would love to see Juanita in the Ron Weasely wig, with the caption, “That’s not the color I wanted!” : )

  485. I would love the audio version. I have already read the uk version cover to cover and loved it! I’ve now passed it on to a friend who couldn’t afford their own copy and think it would be even better ( if its possible) to hear it in your voice instead of the little voice in my head, plus it would totally annoy my partner!

  487. I already have the audio version and a hard copy :). So I think the Australian version would be fun! You rock!!! Wish you would come to Phoenix!

  488. Audio. I heard a sample of it on some website and it sounds so awesome…

  489. Ron is totally wearing his confidence wig in that picture! Ermionie must be trying to get him to cast spells again!

  491. OMG Jenny – that link to your Chicago event is tretcherous! I almost died trying to find out where to come see you on the dasterdly intranets. Like it’s a secret and you really don’t want us to come stalk, I mean meet you? Hmmmm. Well I figured it out anyway, muh-ha-ha ( my evil laugh) but others might give up because it really was a needle in a haystach search. Can’t wait to laugh my ass off with you in person!

  492. I would like an audio book please. Sorry you’re not yourself today. 🙁

    The red wig rocks though.

  493. I think Ron Weasely’s wig would work in an alternate-reality version of Hairy Potter (my name for the all-taxidermy version of Harry Potter).

    Were I so lucky as to win, an audiobook would be preferred.

  494. Oh! Oh! I want to hear you read the book. I tried to read some out loud for a friend, but I was laughing too hard to finish. Audiobook? Problem solved.

  495. Audio book please! After hearing just your snippet you posted of your audio book I’ve been dying to get it! Of course I was very very drunk when I heard said snippet post wine tasting festival.

  497. Audio please! I would also blame Ron Weasely’s wig for any problems you may have this week – it’s frightening!

  498. I’m probably confused as to whether you mean an audio book read in an Australian accent, or a book given to an Australian. So since I’m from Australia (G’day mate, chuck a shrimp on the barbie cobber! and all that) I would LOVE a book!!! Not sure I could listen to one read in an Aussie accent though, we tend to cringe when we hear ourselves talk!

  499. I can haz Audio? I am so in love with your book and I hate so much that I wasn’t able to see you in Charlotte. My aunt who introduced me to you wasn’t able to go, due to lack of a sitter, and I couldn’t go without her. I did however listen to you on Bob & Sheri that morning. You sound like a wonderful woman and hopefully when you write the next book I can fangirl at your feet.
    Also, your Zombie theories are totally legit.

  500. I would totally dig the audiobook, and can I just say how bummed I am to not catch you when you are in Beantown?? and you’re event is on my Anniversary to boot!!

  501. Being an Australian, I’d love a copy of the Astralian version of your book 🙂

  503. Audio would be awesome! Also, I’m sure you are hearing this kind of thing non-stop, but I was so sad not to see Seattle on that list. I mean, yes, it rains here non-stop. I get it. But it was still sad 🙁

    (I still have high hopes for Book II’s tour.)

  504. I think Ron’s wig is spot on. It’s for Ron- the later years when Ron goes through a mid-life crisis and is trying to be hip and cool but Hermione won’t let him buy that new Nimbus 6,000 he wants so he grows his hair out and gets an earring.

    Also, if you’re giving out books, I’d LOVE the audio version. I was, after all, the last person standing in line for your Atlanta book signing.

  508. I’d love an Australian copy of the book – does that mean that you’ve changed all the slang in the book? Are their references to Cossies?

  510. Totally the audio version. And I highly recommend you make a british and australian version of the audio, complete with fake accents.

  512. I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the audio version! Nothing would be better to hear your story in your voice!

  513. I love his scarf and the ridiculous wig. My friend just posted a picture from a book signing she went to and I’m so green with envy it’s not even funny.

    I would love the UK version!

  514. I’m sorry that you were in San Francisco when I was not there. I want an audio version like nothing else. Does the reader have a british accent?

  515. Australian copy of the book please! I’m curious as to what makes it Australian, though…does it come with added flies?

  518. AUDIO. still need to bloggess-ize my hubby. also, i was thinking of sending on my hard copy to someone who cant afford their own and they can do the same. kinda like the red dress but with your book. when someone is done they can write a little note in the pages and pass it on. then after maybe 10 or so it can come back to me. not sure how that would work, cause i totally want it back after those who want to read it have. off to ponder this one.

    Heather

  519. I’d love the UK version. I’m looking to pimp you out to some people for Christmas, especially the ones who work HR and have been privy to penile pictures. I think it will help them to work through the trauma.

  520. Well the audio version would make my trek up to Mi from NC fun…I’m gonna have to say on of the books..the font on the UK version is kick ass…but who am I kidding, I would be happy with any of them.

  521. UK please. I think the scroll-y letters are beautiful. And, you’re hilarious. So you, in a pretty book… what more could I ask for?

  523. Audio pretty please! I love your book 🙂

    Also, I too know the pain of herniating a disc on your neck by brushing your hair, washing your face, brushing your teeth, sneezing, and just standing there.

  525. Dear Bloggess,
    I thought I was the only one! I too had pet duck(s). Though you only had one, I had 2. Their names were Cocoa and Krispy. I don’t remember them, but I blame that on classic Freudian repression. I was informed a few years ago upon stumbling upon a photo (I am now 34) that we had ducks, and “you loved them” and then “Grandma ate them.”
    PS: I want an audio copy of your book, it seems only right since reading it makes me laugh out loud and an audio version would be more enjoyable to all the people around me who think that I’m insane. Technically, their right, but they dont need to know that.

  526. Ooooh, Australian version puhlease!!
    You should also come down here and personally deliver it…I’ll try and find you a stuffed possum or something…

  529. Would LOVE an audiobook…but if I don’t win one I will most likely buy one. Hearing you read aloud in Annapolis made the book even funnier than when I read it.

  532. I’d love the Aussie version!
    If only your tour were coming here! I can think of a bunch of cane toad paraphernalia you could add to your taxidermy collection!
    Stuffed toads holding bottle of liquor anyone? http://www.flickr.com/photos/87791108@N00/2170444145/
    They’re classy toads though, see their little canes?
    There’s always kangaroo scrotum coin pouches too…

  533. I really want the UK version (my Dad’s a Liverpudlian) -since I bought not 1 but 2 books on Amazon -before it was even on sale, y’all!!!! But I’d take the Aussie too (my Dad’s uncle immigrated there about a century ago). And to hear your voice in my delicate ears would totally f@cking rock too, so Audio would be awesome too. whatever you want to send. or deliver, when you add Savannah, GA “the Hostess City of the South” to your book tour. We really do read here! And I’ll take you out to lunch at what we affectionately call “Taxidermy Barbeque” because in the rural county directly west of Savannah, where we used to live, there really, honest to f@cking God and St. Agatha too, is a barbeque restaurant that’s decorated in taxidermy. So you feel closer to your food, kind of like a farmer’s market, only with road kill hanging on the wall above your booth. Seriously, my treat if you come to town. Love the book, made me feel sane for the first time every in my life!