It's part post and part pimp

in Random Crap

I saw this car parked in the street.  It has nothing written on either side, but the back speaks for itself.  I’m just not entirely sure what it’s saying:

No, you're not reading it wrong. This car says, simply: "WE MAKE SURE IT STAYS HOT AND WET."

What is “it“?  Is “it” vagina?  Because that’s the only logical thing I can think of.  Victor says maybe it’s a plumber and “it” is referring to “water” but sometimes you actually want cold water.  Did you ever drink a big glass of boiling-hot tap water?  Because it’s shitty and that’s when you actually need a plumber.

On an utterly and completely self-serving notice, GUESS WHAT I JUST GOT IN THE MAIL?

That's right. There's another cover BEHIND THE COVER. That's how awesome it is. You can rip off one cover and the book will be like "Fuck you, bitches. I'm still ready to party."

So, yeah, it’s a copy of my new paperback two weeks before it comes out.  And I’m giving it to you.  Because I love you.  But only one of you gets it so the rest of you should totally go out and preorder it right now because if you don’t buy it they’ll burn all the leftovers.  So basically you’re supporting book burning by not buying this book.  Probably.  I don’t really know what happens to books that don’t get bought.  They probably just go to book orphanages and look through rainy windows longingly.  Hard to tell.

Want the book?  Leave a comment and I’ll randomly select someone this week.

PS.  It’s vagina, right?  Right.  It’s totally vagina.

Updated:  Winner ~ Fiona  (Thanks!)

1,681 thoughts on “It's part post and part pimp”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. I TOTALLY want the two-covered, paperback version. And it doesn’t HAVE to be a vagina. Maybe it’s a mobile sauna. They’re all the rage in….oh…nevermind.

  9. That looks like no plumbing vehicle I have ever seen, so I am going with your guess. I also want that book!!

  12. ME ME ME! I have the hard cover, but if I could get the paperback, I could save the postage it will cost me to send my bff my book, and she’d have her own damn copy. 🙂

  13. Memememememe!!! I want the book!

    I don’t think it’s a vagina. But only because I can’t imagine who would need a truck that big for their vagina.

  14. I thought it might be for containing live animals until I read the slogan. Although, this could still be true.

  17. Maybe, just maybe it’s a hot tub repair man? But honestly, Vagina makes more sense. Have the hardback copy, but would looooove the paperback as well. Gotta read that extra chapter!

  19. Sadly the books that don’t get bought go to a bad place. They tear off the covers and throw them in the trash or send them back to the publisher. Not a happy book retirement home. My mom used to make me and my brother go in the dumpster and pull out bags of de-covered books…true story.

  20. What’s really throwing me off is that it looks like some sort of prisoner transport truck. The implications of that … oh boy.

  21. It’s probably Vagina. I would very much like the paperback version because of the extra chapter that isn’t included in the far more expensive hardcover, which I totally own. And is signed. Twice. Once by Jesus.

  22. Definitely vagina. Now I’m curious to know what’s in the van. Hmm.
    Also, would love that book

  23. i vote for me since i’m the first person to leave a comment. and i never leave comments for anything. of course by the time i leave my comment i probably won’t be the first and that will really piss me off.

    oh, well. please!

    p.s. there’s no phone number. advertising for hot, wet-kept vagina services would definitely include a phone number, right?

  25. It is vagina. And I’d like a book with 2 covers. I really hate it when my books are underdressed.

  29. I want to win a paperback copy of your book for 2 reasons. One, people keep wanting to borrow my hard-cover copy and I don’t want to lend it to them. They can get their own damn book. And two, I kind of resent that I bought the hard-cover version and now there’s a new chapter in the paperback version. So after I read the new chapter, I can loan the paperback version to my daughter and 17 other friends who have tried to sneak my hard-cover copy out of my house. Thank you in advance.

  32. Okay, so I actually LOLed at the picture and then showed my husband. He said, “Haha- obviously, it’s a plumber.” WHA??? I totally don’t get that inference but it must be a guy thing because I said, “That is what her husband said!!” I’m all incredulous over here…I can’t make the plumber link in my head. It has to be vagina.

  40. Ummmm….sorta looks like a Jesus fish on there too? Now I’m way confused. Faith? Or saviors? Do you want those things hot & wet? WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

  43. Water heater installation? Which, given the alternative, sounds pretty boring.

    But really, if you were going to have a truck that advertised your prowess with the lady bits, don’t you think it would be painted red or black or something? Something sexy, that subtly gets the point across that there’s more to you than just a sexy slogan.

    And yet- you’d still probably live in your parents’ basement.

  44. I’ve never understood those hot wet, towellettes Gail mentioned. I got bumped to First Class the only time I flew, since the President fucked up my connecting flight, and I felt so….Eliza Doolittle when they handed me the hot wet towel and I was all….”wtf do I do??” and I pretended to know, but I didn’t.

  45. I bought the hardcover digitally, so I need a paper version for traveling and eventual dissemination to an unsuspecting public via random placement

  46. I really hope I get the extra chapter. Also, this truck disturbs me. And not in a good way. There is nothing good that can happen as a result of that truck. Sorry, truck.

  47. Huh. The juxtaposition with what I assume is a Jesus Fish is interesting as well. Or is it some sort of alternative fish shape? Perhaps a shark?

  48. I want, no, NEED that book. I happen to collect paperback books with two covers that are given away free by the author. Right now my collection is at zero. 🙁

  50. I’m stumped. I can’t imagine it’s anything other than the gutter my mind is taking me.

    And book. I’d love the book!

  51. Maybe they left it vague on purpose, like, “It doesn’t matter what your ‘it’ is, we got that shit covered.” Kinda like a multi-purpose fluffer.

  52. I WANT THIS!!! Because i doubt that you will come to Toronto again… and i really want to see if my baby and are in the new chapter. Because we totally deserve at least an honourable mention.

  53. In bed with the flu, I’m pretty the new chapter (I already have the hc) would help me feel better more than anything else I have here.

  54. Yes yes yes I want it. OMG how I want it. Holy crap did I say I wanted it? Because if I didn’t say I wanted it, I sure meant to say I wanted it. Guess what? I want it.

  55. I’m a little bit afraid to know what that truck is really for. I sort of want you to go back and ask just so you can tell me, though.

  59. Hi, Read your book and loved it. I kept my boyfriend awake at night because I was either laughing too loud or trying to read him an excerpt. I used your book for a presentation on the use of archives in every day life for school (seeing as there are some pretty cool pictures in your book), and my teacher would like to know if it has been translated to French yet. If not, do you have the intention to do so?

  60. I am thrilled you got your book! I can’t wait to get a few copies myself,they make great gifts!! ;0) Thanks for being so inspiring and honest-it really helps a lot of people.

  61. Carpet cleaners, I say they are carpet steam cleaners. Which means vaginas can still be correct on multiple levels (yep , I want the book too!)

  65. Maybe a hot tub repair service? I don’t understand what else should be hot AND wet at all times…

  67. Maybe it’s talking about Florida or Georgia. I think they’re hot and wet most of the year. But probably vagina… PS: I’d love your book in paperback. 🙂

  68. Is that a Jesus fish on the right side? Because if it is then it’s totally vagina.

  69. I like the mobile soup kitchen idea that Amanda suggested – but vagina seems far more likely.

    Can’t wait to read the extra chapter!

  70. It has got to be vagina… I wonder if this person is driving around with a truck full of vibes and lubes and what not.. lol pretty funny. And thankfully it was parked, because I bet you would’ve crashed trying to take a picture of that thing going 80 on the highway

  73. Okay so maybe just maybe? They’re talking about manure…you know? animal manure? 😛
    Hot and wet poop you deliver to er…make Texas more fertile?! 😀

  76. If that is a plumber’s logo then I don’t particularly think it is a good one with the need for cold water I expect from my tap. However, mobile GYN services seems a bit far fetched. I don’t think they could get a license for that, or maybe they could. Bet that’s one of those state by state type decisions. And yes, book please!

  77. A REALLY poorly marketed food truck? For…steamed food? I got nothing. Keep away the children.

  78. The waiting list at my library is too long! Poor folk like to read, so please pick me.

  80. Maybe they are running an illegal mobile tea service. and I don’t just want that book, I NEED it! If I don’t get it, I can not be held responsible for my actions.

  81. I want it to be a vagina.

    But I’m thinking wanna-be food truck? I think ribs should be involved.

  82. I most definitely is vagina, what else could they possibly be referring to? And it occurs to me that if it’s something else, they totally should know better. I mean, do you expect the rest of the world *not* to go there?

  83. A plumber that only does showers? Mobile greenhouse? I would google it, but I’m sure I don’t want to see what else comes up. (Innuendo intended.) Thanks for the chance to win your book!

  84. Whenever I think of the question “What is ‘it’?” I think of the song Epic by Faith No More, which makes me think of the video for that song, which makes me think of a fish out of water thrashing for its life, which makes me sad.

    Give me your book.

  86. Maybe it’s a jacuzzi/hot tub repairman? I’d love to have a copy of your book. I bought the hard copy when it first came out and loaned it to a friend, who then loaned it to another, and so on around the office. Now I fear I will never see it again so I definitely NEED the paperback copy! Please *insert sad puppy dog eyes here*

  89. I’m too distracted to fathom what on earth “it” is because….is that a Jesus fish?!! The plot thickens.

  90. I am at a complete loss! Also, I want the book! I recently got some friends hooked on your blog. I also loaned out my hardcover book. I need the paperback as backup!

  91. Minds out of the gutter people. It’s probably just a hot tub. I’m ready for my book now!

  94. i think there should be a code, preferably magical in nature, that would allow me to read this “new chapter” without buying the paperback. i totally support you and bought 2 copies of the hardcover came and saw you at a costco in shoreline washington. i couldn’t stay and join the parking lot goodness cause of my crazy. i went to costco in a tank top showing off all my scars for the 1st time in public. then i had to go home. right away or some one might have died or something. thanks for the book. if you gave me a paperback one once i read this “new chapter” i would give it to someone…..
    Happy day

  95. I want that book … but I also want a book of just covers.. so I could rip off each cover and have it be like a disguise for my books… a book of book covers? is that too meta?

  97. I have no idea what “it” is, but if it’s vagina, I am worried about the size of the truck.

    Also, if I win the book, I’ll be so thrilled. A friend bought it for me for Christmas, and then it was stolen out of the mail. She and I were both heartbroken.

  100. Hot tub maintenence perhaps?

    Yes please for a book! Did you know that the Canadian versions DO have the extra chapter? We’re all pretty excited aboot that up here, eh?

  101. I’m thinking Jacuzzi?

    Whatever it is, the truck is uber creepy and I don’t think I’d want it pulling into my drive under any circumstances.

  105. My first thought had something to do with men in white coats coming for someone, but. . .

    I, sadly, have not read this book yet. It’s on my list waiting for some money to come to me unexpectedly. So please, please send me the book. I need it!

  106. Since I bought your book for everyone else this Christmas- I had no money left to buy one for myself! I would love your book & my birthday is too far away to wait. Please- I’ll send you pics of my taxidermy giraffe, Geoffrey.

  108. I pre-ordered your hardcover book and I bought your audio book so I should win your paperback. Don’t you think so?

  110. If it is a plumber, my advice would be to wear good fitting pants. Nothing is staying hot & wet if there’s a bare ass crack snaking your toilet.

  111. I’m trying real hard to think of what else it could be besides vagina….and I got nothing. On another note, I’d be super pleased to get your book!

  112. Either a vagina or they’re making some seriously ill-founded claims about tropical swampland.

  113. They totally want you to THINK it’s a vagina. They’re doing that to get attention. There’s the aura of mystery – you are dying to know “what IS IT???” Kind of like my blog title.

  114. I want the book! But I’m also adding it to my to-read list on Goodreads, so I remember that I’ve been wanting to read it for a while.

    It could be a waterbed repairman’s truck. Waterbeds just aren’t that cool anymore, which might explain why they’re embarrassed to paint the rest of the truck. Also, waterbeds make some people hot and wet, ifyouknowwhatimean.

  115. It looks like some sort of mobile murder truck….so yeah

    Oh, and I want your book, I need it in my life.

  116. I mean, orphans are great but I don’t think that they would appreciate the complexities of how awesome this cook is. I think it would be better among those of us who can share some experiences with you, or those who may be just a little bit crazy. Luckily I’m both of these things!

  117. Want. Wantwantwant. Please? I need a copy to complete my matching set of all the other versions I’ve bought!

  119. I kind of really want that book… You should take pity on me and my lack of richness. Also I want to rub the extra chapters on my face sensually. Not really. Or I could be serious. YOU’LL NEVER KNOW.

  122. Especially if it is vagina…I then would need to know who “we” is and what their methods are.

    Regardless if it’s cauaing this much thought/discussion must be a pretty effective slogan.

  123. I really want the book, but I have to say that Observacious (post 45) has the best possible comment. Can I be like an Oscar model and get to hand a copy of your book to Observacious?

    Faith No More FTW.

  124. Could it be a delivery truck for mail order sex toys ? Would love the book, I wouldn’t even rip off the cover, I promise.

  127. I want that boooooooook!! First I want to read the new chapter and then I promise to give it to someone else and proselytize for you. HA.

    Also maybe it was a hot towels truck. Hot towels are only good when hot and wet, right?

  128. I’ll probably go with vagina on this one, too. But looking at the back of that vehicle more closely, I think I see… is that a Jesus fish?? Too small for me to tell , but if it is, maybe they should consider changing the wording to read “WE MAKE SURE IT STAYS HOT AND WET – FOR JESUS.”

    I should probably stop commenting on blogs.

  130. book orphanages??? that’s so sad, i’ll adopted them all. there’s no reason for them to end up like voldemort….no reason at all.

  131. Hot and Wet? Does that mean a cold dry vagina is abnormal? Because I am pretty sure here in Canada my freezes up every time I go outside.. Please advise.

  132. Mobile Sauna, perhaps? Which naturally would keep all genitalia (outty or inny) hot & wet…

    Unrelated: I would love to win that book.

  134. I’m guessing it is what your audience thinks it is most times and there is a resounding scream of vagina here. If not that, maybe they work in hydroponics? Growing food takes warm water… can’t think of many that do well in really cold water.

  136. Pick me! I already bought the hard-cover version for myself and one for my sister, but I want the new chapter!

  138. soup? or vagina totally. I need the paperback. already have the hard cover but a whole extra chapter? must have….

  139. I was told I would be personally mentioned in this alleged “extra chapter”.

    Also – “hot and wet” refers to how Frank Drebin likes his roast beef: “Very hot, and awfully wet”, because obviously.

  141. I REALLY want to know about that truck! Sneak inside please! Oh, and a copy of your book would be SO AWESOME!

  145. Clearly you need to knock on the window and ask what they are keeping hot and wet. A girl must know these things!
    Carrie from Just Mildly Medicated

  146. It sounds like it might be a water heater contractor, but vagina is totally more fun. Reality is generally less funny. When I was in a hotel at Niagara falls, there was a freebie in the bathroom labeled bonnet de douche. which I though was a special hat that you wore when douching. It turned out to be a shower cap. Very disappointing.

  147. Maybe it’s a hot water pressure thingie. Oh and I don’t need your book because I’ve already read it a billion times on my Ereader but I want it as a present for my English professor. She would DIE if she read it.

  150. Books that don’t get bought get reported as not sold and have the covers ripped off them. Fortunately, your book is totally prepared for that circumstance so it’s not clear what effect this would have. I believe this means that people should buy all of them before your book destroys the entire publishing industry.

  151. I sure hope it means vagina, because that would be a very important service. No one likes a cold, dry cooter.
    Okay I have no idea, I just really want your book. I also wanted an reason to use the word ‘cooter’ in a sentence.

  152. You know what’s funny about books that don’t get sold? Bookstores rip the covers off and send them back. I’m not kidding. Seriously, it’s what they do.

  154. Oddly enough, whatever they’re keeping hot and wet must like to look out windows. Either that or it’s a safety precaution for the poor driver so he can check what the hot, wet thing is doing before he opens the doors.

  155. I just finished reading it on my Kindle and really loved it. Funniest thing I’ve read in a very long time. Three thumbs up.

  156. What if it is a plumber? I’m not sure if id think he really “dives in” to his work or if upon seeing a soaking wet hot plumber would make me think “advertising NAILED IT!”

  157. O3O (Big Eyes and Duck Lips yo!)

    I would totally love this book!!! Why??? Because my friend would love this as a birthday gift and I’m pretty sure I’d be promoted to the top of her friend list. I think this includes getting to sit by her a lunch and stare awkwardly at her and giggle until I get demoted again. But temporary promotions are the best?! Right???

  159. I think I am the last person in the world who hasn’t bought your book. Please, please, pick me!

  161. I bought your book when it was first released and have never cried-laughed so hard in my life!! Husband is now convinced I am a total nut!! Mission Accomplished Jenny!! I would LOVE to read the new bonus chapter!!!

    Oh – and ya, it’s totally vagina.

  164. If I win, I’ll have a perfect set of bookends… paperback and hardback Beyonce AWESOMENESS!

    PS: It’s totally vagina.

  167. I have no idea about that truck. I have sat at work for a good amount of time now trying to figure it out. So I guess I’ll get back to work while I wait for my signed copy of your awesome book! 😉

  168. Yep. Vagina.
    Love books!! Have the hardcover but would love to read the new chapter.

  169. Of course it is a vagina…it could not be anything else. I really want the two-cover book…it will go nicely with my single cover book….

  170. HVAC – or hot tub repair are the only real LOGICAL possibilities.

    But vagina is so much more fun. Especially with all those compartments on that truck.

  171. I’m not totally sold on vagina as the answer. I mean, there IS such a thing as *too* hot. Not that I would have any frame of reference whatsoever, since I don’t have one and I’m gay and they generally scare the shit out of me (hot or cold). I guess what I’m trying to say is, I totally deserve that free copy of the paperback! (Because I need something to make up for my lack of a vagina.)

    P.S. I LOVE YOU (starring Hilary Swank)

  172. I can’t imagine what they’d be referring to. The slogan makes you think vagina, but look at the truck! I wouldn’t want to ship my vagina in that.

    It looks like some kind of roadkill delivery service. They probably keep spatulas in the side storage bins.

    On the subject of the paperback book and its extra chapters… as someone who purchased the hardcover book last year, is there some kind of upgrade we can do? Get the additional content inserted somehow, for a nominal price? I don’t want to have to re-buy all the chapters I already bought, just to get the new bits…

    Cheers!

  173. Tropical aquarium pump and heater servicing unit. Complete with replacement fish transport units.

  174. This vehicle is hoarding a truckload of foreplay! Ever gone down a water slide when it’s not wet? Yeah. Moisture IS important.

    A paperback version of your book would be much easier on my carpal tunnel thingy (actually, it was just my thumb that hurt, but I don’t know what to call that. Except for “Sore Thumb Thingy”)

  177. I am going to go with hot tub repair man, because that is the only thing besides vagina that could be described as hot and wet.

    But on a side note I would stay away from that truck because it looks like something you would enter and never get out of…

  178. I would say a mobile burrito mobile!
    Would love a copy of your book 🙂 Long time reader first time commenter

  179. Um, OBVIOUSLY it’s a repair truck for your personal rainforest habitat. I mean DUH, doesn’t everyone have one in their house?

  182. Just saying hi! I have the hardcover, so if you pick me, please pass the softcover on to the next name out of the hat. Thanks!

  183. What if it’s a maintenance company for sauna/greenhouse combos? Those would definitely benefit from fulltime heat and moisture.

    *sigh* Pimp maintenance is so much more likely. I really can’t imagine what else it could be.

  184. I totally want a copy. I have plans to buy it, but it you want to send me one, I will still buy it and give it to someone….

  185. I don’t want to think about what IT is… whatever it is, it can’t be good.

    I also don’t want to think about those poor book orphans looking through rainy windows dreaming of a book parent dropping by and taking them to a beautiful new house with pets to snuggle up against and a pool to lounge by..

  186. Here’s the thing. If you pick me, I’ll totally rip the cover off just to make the book seem more gangster than it already is. And then, I’ll write the phrase “WE MAKE SURE IT STAYS HOT AND WET” on the cover. To make people wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
    Because that’s where I get my jollies.

  187. Maybe it’s a hot guy in your shower??? wait, i don’t want one of those! But I do want your book..of…awesomeness.

  189. I really need/want the paperback so I can read the new chapter. Then I can loan it to others.
    And it pretty much has to be a vagina.

  190. 1. I’m pretty sure the truck is part of an operation that cares for in-home jungles while you are out of town. I always wanted to have a jungle in my house but my frequent travel has made it impossible.
    2. I would really enjoy that double covered paperback!

  192. thank you! now i am thinking of what ELSE would be hot and wet. jeez. and if that IS a pimp mobile it’s like no other i have ever seen. tricky! i already have your book – signed by you! but i would LOVE another to give away to someone i know will love it as much as i do. 😀

  198. I need the new book because I loaned my copy and it’s still floating around being loved by all, I’ll never get it back and I need something…I get get out of my own way and need an anxiety savior. Can’t get out of my own way. <3

  200. “It” HAS to be Vagina, but what would you need a service truck for a vagina? Confusion at it’s finest. And I’d love the paperback! I already own the hardcover; I’ve leant it to tons of friends and family. (my sister currently has it and laughed her ass off) I need the paperback for the extra cover and extra chapters!

  202. Unmarked white semi-armored vehicle? There’s definitely no way there’s anything but equipment for filming some really dangerous porn in there.

  203. I would so wine, dine, and….date this paperback copy. I am literally willing to cheat on my kindle version of the book. There….I said it.

  205. Maybe a sauna repair service? Or the back of the truck is actually a mobile sauna… for your vagina. ?
    I could use a good read. Plus, you should have pity on me because I have poison oak all over my body and I am completely high on prednisone that I kept from my old dead dog. It specifically said “For animal use only.” I still feel itchy. What does that mean? I hope he doesn’t haunt me for taking all his drugs. I don’t think he would, but you never know.

  206. Googling that as a slogan or phrase leads one straight here! Nothing else comes up which considering the size of the internet is pretty amazing.

    I would like the book though. I only have the Kindle version.

  207. Yes, I do need the paperback version, because I loaned the hardcover to a coworker and I haven’t fucking gotten it back. Just knowing I own it isn’t enough. I need one in my posession AT ALL TIMES.

  211. The extra cover that can be pulled off is like when Tom Cruise pulls off his face, and you realize it’s just a mask and that underneath, it’s really an old woman, but then the old woman pulls off her face and it’s really Tom Cruise.

  213. I’m sure what It is. I used to have It, but then they changed what It is. Now what I have isn’t It and what is It seems weird and scary to me!

    Ok… just kidding (any reason to use a Simpsons quote). I actually never had It in the first place. Also, I jappen to like weird. It’s normal that scares me.

  215. I’m speechless – which really says a lot – no clue how that works (or what “it” really is).
    Paperback would be awesome since it has the extra chapter and now we learn an extra cover win/win! If I get it that makes it a win/win/win heehee!

  219. It reminds me of the air conditioning company here that has billboards of a woman who looks mid-orgasm and the words, “Your wife is hot” next to it.

  220. I’ve already purchased….four? …of your book in hardcopy for myself and close friends, an electronic copy, and the audiobook. The paperback would be an excellent addition to my collection. Just sayin’ 😉

  221. i’m too tired and depressed to come up with something witty for what that tagline means. but it if is a vagina truck, i’d like their number. i’ve been off my game for months. probably the depression.

  223. Vagina does make the most sense really…or maybe a water heater? Sauna repair man? Hmmm

    I want the book!! 🙂

  228. I’m going for Plumbing and HVAC technician, only because traveling medical doctors specializing in using pelvic massage to relieve hysteria don’t exist (anymore).

    And yes, I want the book.

  229. I would LOVE to have that book! I have the hardcover already, but I want the paperback just for the new chapter!

  232. I would love the book because my life is bereft of meaningful activity and my dad said he would give half his kingdom to anyone who could make me laugh.
    Not that I’m lobbying.

    Enjoy this awesome video that I had no hand in:

  233. I borrowed the hard cover from the library cause I’m too poor to buy it. I’d love to reread it and keep the paperback version.

  236. No phone number on the truck? Not knowing what it’s advertising is gonna drive me crazy….

  237. And my plumber just uses a regular truck! I want a plumber that makes the neighbors wonder what the, what??
    And of course, I want the book:)

  242. I would love to win a copy of your new paperback. It will be
    the little sister to my hardcover copy!

  247. I have the hardcover edition, but I REALLY need to know what’s in the extra chapter. I lie awake at night wondering . . .

  248. Maybe it’s mobile animal rendering?

    I would love a paperback copy of your book. I want to make it into a movie. And by “make it into a movie” I mean “rub it in to the people who haven’t read that new chapter”.

    jr

  249. PICK ME! If I don’t win I will be buying, but it would be nice to feel lucky for a change.

  252. I kind of want to know if it is possible that your vagina gets cold, like on the inside? Who needs someone to keep their vagina hot? Maybe dead people?!? But then again, what the hell is this for? Weird. I clearly need your book, it might answer some of my questions about life.

  255. I already have the hardcover, but I would gift the paperback to my daughter. I got you to autograph the first one to both of us, but she can’t have it until I die, and she’s miffed about that. And she’s 17. So…yeah, you can see the danger. O_o
    <3 you, Jenny!

  258. I am thinking it has to be vagina~~ other than cocoa what would you want hot&wet?? I am so happy that you got the paperback version of the book. I got to see you when you came to GA. So ok, seeing you is a relative term~~I was actually plastered to the window listening to you read and hoping that no one would see me/look at me having a anxiety attack with all the people in that store. 🙂

  260. I would love a copy!

    On a completely random note, I spent the weekend in bed with strep, and watched the first two seasons of Doctor Who. Now I’m completely addicted, so thanks for that.

  261. Swimming pool repair? Home delivery wash cloth service? Pulled pork sandwiches?

    But most likely vagina repair.

  262. Sometimes I have to avoid your blog so as not to suffer from pangs of hero-worship.
    True story. So what.

  263. pick me… pick me!!!! I have hardback with your signature when I went to your book signing at Powells bookstore, Oregon, and kindle version also. I’d love to have paperback.

  264. That’s totally a truck carrying male strippers! 🙂 Got to get the book! Congrats again! You are an inspiration for so many.

  266. I would love a copy of your book. I already have the hardcover, but it totally needs a companion!

  268. I wouldn’t have thought vagina but now that you’ve put the idea of it being a vagina out there I can’t imagine what else it could be. Hot tub maybe….water heater…maybe…but why would it have to be an unmarked van if that was the case? Maybe undercover secret organ transplants….

    Nope, just vagina.

  269. I always thought plumbers were akin to naughtyness. My husband always refers to “laying the pipes” in his sexy voice, so same same.

  270. I want the book… not because I need the book… I already have the hardback edition… but I want the book so I can leave it for some completely unsuspecting soul to stumble upon, and sit down and start reading, and totally fall in love with your weirdness, and realize that they’re not the only weirdo in the world… every weirdo out there should have that realization… and the world would be a much happier place for all of us.

    (So I just re-read that paragraph/run-on mess and realized that I need to cut back on the coffee… or drink more… it’s hard to tell.)

    Stay weird Jenny.

  271. I bought the book for my friend, but not for myself. I love you. Pick me.

    Also, I suspect that truck is a traveling Hell. Hell is most certainly hot and wet. That truck is Hell on Wheels.

  272. besides, it’s almost my birthday! What an awesome birthday present that would be. Just don’t ask how old.

  273. So, once upon a time, I was a public defense attorney and I had the following conversation with a client who was charged with prostitution:

    Me: So, if you were “just going to massage him,” why did you have condoms with you?
    Her: Oh, well, we massage THAT MUSCLE, too.
    Me: Really?
    Her: Oh, yes.
    Me: I don’t know if that will go over with a jury, because, where I come from, we call that a “hand job.”

    That truck totally looks like something one of my former clients would have come up with to run a portable prostitution service.

  275. like random, (mostly) unmarked vans, i enjoy random selections to win stuff
    having the hardcover, i can’t pay for the extra chapter
    🙂

  277. I googled it. Your blog is the only thing that comes up for “we keep it hot and wet.” So now, not only is that phrase forever part of my search history, but you are forever connected to vaginas. Not literally. Well, one literally, but not plural vaginas. I’m going to stop now. Please give me a book.

  279. TOTALLY a vagina. Tho i don’t know how i feel about having a man in a white truck with the emblazoned on the back coming to, uh, service. Me. Or something.

    Yay book!!!

  280. I neeeeed your book. It’s much more than a want.
    How about we trade? You give me your book (bc I’m broke) and I’ll make you some art?

  281. I want the book! I also want you to write a recap of your Dallas booksigning. How come you hate us?

  283. Before I saw the writing on the truck, I totally went “my vet has a truck like that” and then I saw the rather suggestive slogan and twitched so hard I have a neck-ache. I really don’t want to know what my vet is keeping hot and wet. Although MY vet isn’t in Texas, so maybe it’s just a weird Texas vet.

  285. Just wanted to surface to say hi, apologize for not being as dutiful a fan in the last year as I should have been (Austin apparently has placed dampeners on my world perception), and to say that your book is so awesome that whomever hasn’t read it yet needs to… yay super-speshal paperback version with two covers! Actually no… in light of your vagina truck issues today, they more strike me as literary labia for a textual funhole… that everybody has held… you know what, now this metaphor is disturbing me.

    Yay book!

  286. Unsold coverless books get thrown in the garbage/recycling. I used to work in a bookstore, and while this pains me some, when it’s 8000 romance novels, not as much

  287. Love your blog! Just got out of a 3 week coma and I’m recovering. Some new reading material would be lovely! Plus with time on my hands with my recovery I can push your book 🙂 lol.

  288. Here’s the secret to what they do…. they have sad-eyed book store employees rip the outer covers off, trash the rest of the book, and then send in the covers for credit. I know this because I used to be one of those despondent, woebegone people. It’s wrong to make book lovers destroy that which they love! And the B. Dalton’s I worked at was next to a Filipino grocer, and we shared the dumpster. So then those poor books got covered with fish goo. So very brutal!

  291. It’s about time someone created a mobile vagina service. I’ve complained about needed one of those many years ago.

  293. I tried to Google the tagline but it just gave me a whole bunch of links back to your blog, so obviously you’re the most important link on the internet now. Given the unbreakable glass look of the back doors, whatever it’s trying to keep hot and wet is also big and strong, so maybe a portable whale-washing truck? 🙂

  294. I already have a hard cover copy of your book AND the audio book, but holy balls do I want a copy of the paperback, too!!!!!!!

    Perhaps it is an alligator truck. You know, for all your alligator transportation needs. They do need to stay warm, after all, and I hear they prefer wetness. Or maybe there’s an entire rainforest frog ecosystem in there. And then, when the newness has worn off your child’s exotic pet, these people come by and pick it up, and as they leave you can assure your kid that, yes, they WILL keep Mr. Ribbit both warm AND wet — it says so right there on the truck.

  296. I’m glad I didn’t see that out driving, because I’d laugh myself into a ditch.

  299. I think it would have to be a hot tub maintenance/repair company.

    I can’t wait to see the book!

  300. The thought of some strange truck arriving to make my vagina hot and wet is so totally disturbing that I have to go with coffee service truck. Yes, that must be it. Oh and I would love the book to make all my friends uber-jealous.

  301. Hot and Wet…
    Hmmm….
    It’s either a vagina or maybe some kind of hot tub repairman? Or maybe he’s a hot tub time machine repairman who makes sure everything is in proper working order so you can go back in time and get vagina? Yeah, and that could be why there’s no phone number or other signage because anyone with a time machine would want to keep it pretty hush hush, I’d imagine. Pus, they’d totally want it to look like a hot tub so nobody suspected anything, so by keeping it hot and wet, that guy is really just helping you create a big time machine coverup.

    Or he’s delivering soup. Possibly tea.

    …That’s all I’ve got.

  303. Old tour bus for the band 112. Once again, Wikipedia comes to the rescue: “Hot & Wet is the fourth studio album by R&B group 112. The album followed the successful Part III album (which featured the hit single “Peaches & Cream”), with the club tracks “Na Na Na Na” and “Hot & Wet” which was produced by Stevie J.” I’ll let you look up the lyrics yourself.

  306. I WANT. You sold me at “it has another cover.”

    Also, I would like another chapter.

    Also, if you pick me, I promise to give my current copy to a poor, economically disadvantaged child.

  307. I would love to have this paperback edition. I already own the hardcover, so if it comes down to me and someone who doesn’t have one at all…I’d be cool with them getting it. Either way, loved the book…can’t wait to get the paperback, I need that extra chapter! 🙂
    Thank you for your consideration 🙂

  308. It’s totally vagina. Or hot tub. Which, for really large vaginas and really small hot tubs, might be the same thing.

  309. I need to win this book so I can have joy in my life. No pressure or anything. Just that, ya know, I don’t want my sadness to be on your conscience. I’m just looking out for you.

  312. i feel like it’s houston weather. it’s houston weather, isn’t it? i didn’t know they had a truck for that….

  314. I love love love your book!!!!! And I totally need a paperback copy to carry in my purse!!

  315. It HAS got to be Vagina’s…that or some lame pool/hot tub cleaning biz, which would be LAME.

  319. please, please, please go follow that truck, or send Victor, because I need to know what thats all about!!!

  320. I have the kindle edition and the hard-cover, I need the paperback to complete the set! 😉 (And, yes, it’s totally vajay-jay. Everything is always vajay-jay.)

  321. I have the hard cover but I want the paperback too! I can’t wait to meet you in St. Louis! I think that was a movie, but I didn’t even pre-plan saying it that way. I promise not to be this creepy when we finally meet. And go out to dinner. And you come back to my house in my white unmarked van with me and we just laugh and laugh because we realize we’re soul mates and new BFFs.

  323. I am totally voting for “vagina” although I am damn sure I wouldn’t want one that big. That would require “vaginal rejuvenation” and THAT is another matter entirely.

    Oh, and I want the book…not for me, but for my sister so I can be cheap and send it to her for her birthday. I already shelled out for the hardcover 🙂

  324. I can’t believe you didn’t go peek in the windows of the van to find out what was hot and wet…

    And I totally want the extra-chapter-included paperback! If I don’t win I may have to randomly steal the extra chapter from a local bookstore and tape it into my hardcover copy…

  332. It’s totally vagina 😀

    oh man!

    I’m due to have another baby in just over a month, I could totally use something hilarious to get me through the bleary hours up alone while everyone else in the house gets to sleep because I have a critter on my boob. Just sayin’. 😉

  333. Is there a sauna in the truck? Humidity control for the South? Creature from the Black Lagoon? It can’t be a giant vagina because male Republican Congressmen would have shut this thing down ASAP or accused it of advertising itself for a legitimate rape.

    I’d love the book, but I can afford it. Unless you sign it. Then I want it. But I’ll live if I don’t get it.

  336. I <3 vaginas 😉 in other news, I've already preordered your book, but you should still pick me because I'll share it with my friends 🙂

  338. I googled it to see if it would show up as someone’s business motto and we could get to the bottom of this. There were exactly two results, and both were for this post. Now I don’t know the answer AND I have to clear my search history!

  340. Don’t you dare give the book to me! I’m ticket #33 at Anderson’s in Naperville to come see you. I want you to look up from the cozy table, say “You’re number #33…I totally remember your post.” Because you have no intention of remembering ticket #33, but now, against your will, you find yourself saying, “Naperville. Ticket #33.”*

    *Because I can read your mind.

  341. A free copy of your book would make me hot and wet. But I don’t think I would put it on my vehicle.

  342. I used to work at the place where they ripped the covers off the unsold books and then sent them back to the publisher. It made me sad to go back to the cover ripping off room and I avoided it as much as possible. Unless I wanted something free to read, then I’d dig one out of the big discard box, but very carefully, because one of the guys who worked back there had stomach issues and would sometimes barf in the discard box. I found this out the hard way. Sad, but true story.

  344. Would book orphanages be libraries? Or used book stores?

    It’s too cold for them to look through rainy windows up here…frozen tundra blizzard from hell windows, maybe.

  346. I have no idea about the truck, but I do know about the unused books. Sort of. I work as a magazine vendor and at some stores I also stock books. Not cool books like yours, but much less interesting romance or suspense novels. The unsold items that I send back get shredded and recycled.

  347. Of course it’s vagina! Maybe I’ll be able to get you to sign my newly won book when you come to Louisville!

  348. I have no idea what that could be, so I’m jumping on the vagina bandwagon. (On a totally self-centered bandwagon, pick me! Pick me!)

  349. Ive read the book and its the funniest thing ive ever read! I giggled so much I cried and my husband couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with me!

  350. I was at the Long Beach Antique Market last weekend, and one of the booths there had two giant metal chickens for sale. At first I didn’t see any price tags, so I started to ask, “How much do you want for Beoncé?” But then I realized the two guys working the booth probably wouldn’t what I was talking about. Then I thought they probably wonder why they’ve started selling so many giant metal chickens (mostly they just sold Mexican pottery). And they probably wonder why all the gringos have started calling chicken “Beoncé.”

    (Oh, btw, a Beoncé about the size of a small child was $55.)

  351. I have the e-version and laughed until I cried reading it…I totally want to read the extra chapter…and yes, it has to be vagina

  357. I totally need this book! If you gave it to me you would be saving my husband from being badgered until he goes out and gets me a copy. Okay more like saving me from having to badger him until I have recovered enough to go to the book store to get a copy.

  364. Would love the paper back! Bought the hard cover but dying to see what other crazy stories are added!

  365. I pretty much need to win the book, because I bought the kindle edition when it first came out and those pages don’t smell quite as fresh anymore as I’m sure the paperback pages do.

  366. I don’t even know what to do with that picture. Maybe it’s a service for serial killers who are into necrophilia? I mean, it could be, it’s an unmarked van with the exception of the slogan…..

  368. Totally a vagina. I need the book with 2 covers so it can flash my hard back book that I own like a peeping Tom.

  369. Need to win this book for my mother in law who is having back surgery tomorrow to cheer her up while she recovers please please please…..also I would like to borrow it from her to read bonuschapt.to I

  370. Has anyone figured out what they do yet? Other than keeping it hot and wet, obviously!

  371. would LOVE a copy of the paperback – would start my paperback stock of books to give to friends (since I’ve been gifting the hardcover version since it was released). love ya!

  372. Iits a portable sauna, but they can’t advertise on the side, or you’d know there were naked people inside. Or a vagina. Probably a vagina.

  373. It completely means vaginas. Now if only the truck had their number on the outside. I could use a house call…

  376. So if there’s no company name & phone #, how do you contact them to help you keep whatever it is, hot & wet?

  377. Pick me, Pick me!!! I can’t wait to get my hands on that extra chapter I keep hearing about!!!

    Oh and I think the truck is a hot-tub party on wheels. Perhaps there is a full-on hot-tub party going on behind those closed doors? Kind of like those game trucks? or perhaps not… You’re probably right ‘its’ a vagina…

  379. Definitely vagina. But, like some other commenters… I’m more concerned about how vaginas relate to the already far too rapey (yeah, that’s an adjective now) looking prisoner vessel. I mean. Unless it’s like ANIMAL vaginas and they’re breeding them and there’s a pet brothel inside. Which somehow seems better and worse all at the same time. Closed off for privacy but secure so your pets don’t run away to get home before their wives notice they’re gone.

    Anyway. Now that THAT nugget of confusion has firmly cemented itself in my brain… I’d like to volunteer myself for the magical multicover (or single cover, or no cover- but preferably at least single cover) of the paperback version of your book! My hardcover version is floating around a house full of my friends. I took it over there one night and was all “I’ve brought a reading to share over dinner” which they thought was weird but went along with. Three hours later I was upset I didn’t bring my reading glasses because my eyes got too tired to read to them anymore. I had to leave the book behind for them to finish individually. I fear for it’s recovery.

  381. You must stalk that truck and find out just exactly what it is! I could be one of those stripper cleaning services, or a coffee company that makes house calls. I think I need a nap.

  383. Soup? Definitely want hot, wet soup. But that’s an awfully big truck for soup. And you know, you get that not-so-fresh feeling if your vajayjay gets too hot and wet. I’m pretty sure that leads to fungus in the wrong conditions.

  384. If you google hot and wet and truck you get a bunch of bikini car wash links. Or car wash porn.
    I also think it is for vagina repair.

  385. It’s a mobile Minnesota summer! You know you want to pick me simply because I’m made of awesome.

  387. I want it! My hardback copy had an unfortunate accident with swamp water (aka shit and dead body water) in Louisiana on my honeymoon. On the plus side, I got to see quite a few Hamlet von Schnitzel’s running around.

  391. Oh, you should totally pick me! I read your book and laughed so hard I peed a little. (TMI?) My daughter wanted to know why I was laughing so she read then SHE laughed. (but didn’t pee her pants because she’s only 18 and hasn’t had any children so she doesn’t have any trouble DOWN THERE like I do). Then she stayed up nearly all night long reading every one of your blog posts out loud to me.

  393. Noodles. Okay, maybe vagina and noodles. I need the book because if I make my crazy chicken sister return mine which I lent her months ago she may get even stabbier. I love her but I am not an idiot. Yet.

  394. Vaginas R Us.
    Vagina-Rooter.
    Snake Vagina (wait, that just takes me to another inappropriate place…)
    Stanley Vagina Steamer

  395. Obviously it has to be a vagina. But my question is: why would you need a big truck? To hold the millions of dildos? Or is there an entire football team in there, all sweaty and flexing? (ew)

  397. Was there a phone number? If you want “it” hot and wet, how are you supposed to reach them? Or do they randomly go door to door to make sure “it” is hot and wet?

  398. I bet it’s a hot tub repairman. Can’t you just picture his business cards? The cartoon captions would be so worth it. “I keep it hot and wet so you can to!”

  402. Kisses? Maybe it’s a mobile kissing seminar? I like hot wet kisses … just sayin’

  404. I don’t know. It has a Jesus Fish.

    So it must be something holy. Like, instead of “vaginas”, it’s “that thing down there.”

  405. Maybe it’s Fabio’s new motorhome…but the “we” stumps me because I thought Fabio works alone. On another note, I would LOVE to get your paperback because I bought a hardcopy when you came to L.A. and then I met this woman who was going to taxidermy school so I gave her my copy. Now she’s reading and laughing while stuffing dead stuff and I’m bookless.

  406. The truck could be hauling generic soup. Meals on Wheels sort of neighborhood help program. And you had me at Helmot Von Scnitzel. Hope you’re feeling better from your doctor visit the other day.