Saw this and thought of you

Text messages with a friend:

Her: I saw this and it made me think of you: “Your true friends are like stars in the sky.  They’re there even when you can’t see them.”

me:  Aw.  That’s sweet.  And sort of depressing.

Her:  How is it depressing?

me:  Most of the stars in the sky are either dead or currently on fire.  Some are exploding.  So basically you just said that the phrase “Your true friends are either dead or currently on fire.  Some are possibly exploding” reminds you of me.

Her:  Oddly enough, that phrase makes me think of you as well.

me:  Touché, my friend.  Make sure your pajamas are flame-retardent.


And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means its time for the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

“Okay, watch me, okay. One two three and I’M GONNA KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF. Like that, see?”

“I’m still not getting it, Bob.”

“For fuck’s sake, Paul.”

This weeks wrap-up sponsored by the folks that brought you by Paddy Power’s Online Bingo.  I’ve never played online bingo before but every year at Victor’s family reunion we play it for like 10 hours straight and all the prizes are stuff like home-made toilet paper cozies made by Great Aunt Barb, or a half a carton of Camels.  Regardless, it’s awesome and I love to play, and I imagine these people have better prizes than toilet-paper cozies, although to Aunt Barb’s credit our toilet paper has never seemed cozier.  You can check them out here.


97 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Started laughing hysterically at the rooster video. The Boyfriend just stared at me and then when I tried to describe it, just stared some more. He just doesn’t know what’s good.

    Leigh recently posted Saturday Quicky (Day 72 KEDfaY).

  2. And gassy. Don’t forget gassy.

  3. …I can’t even believe that bird is a real thing. I need like, 8 of them. Also, I now will be working on perfecting that facial expression.

    Erin recently posted McCall's M6408, Tie-less version in progress.

  4. ‘Aquaintances’

    Cathy recently posted 365 Poems: Dammit, September.

  5. Aunt Barb needs to see the motherfucking home-making board.

    That got me off pedicures/manicures. Now I have more money to spend on books.

    Also, nice comeback friend!

    Miss Gee recently posted I'm Drunk.In The Best Possible Way..

  6. 6

    “…and some friends have long ago collapsed into black holes from which nothing, not even light or Christmas cards, can emerge. Others are extremely dense and spin rapidly, producing signals which were once mistaken for a sign of intelligent life.”
    This metaphor works just fine!

  7. I will love you forever for alerting me to the existence of the potoo bird.

  8. …also, my 3 yr old is now running around the house screaming “TRUST FALL!”

    Erin recently posted McCall's M6408, Tie-less version in progress.

  9. Hi, Jenny.
    I wish you wouldn’t accept sponsorship from gambling sites. Gambling is adictive and wrecks lives. Paddy Power Bingo is not for fun once a year, it is for money as often as people can afford it.
    Love and Peace,

  10. So the Alecia Keys song is about you? In pajamas? Oddly, it makes me like the song a little better.

    Julie the Wife recently posted Dying to Go to Homecoming.

  11. Isn’t it amazing how ridiculous some things really are when you look at them critically? Some stars aren’t there anymore, but we can still see their light. That does sound like some of my friends. Maybe not so crazy…

  12. Collaborating with a 4 year old was really awesome. I forget how I found it first (Twitter? Maybe Twitter. It’s like a grab bag for my brain)

    Jen recently posted Fears of Cultural Appropriation.

  13. I have friends like that! Also, I want the towels for Christmas.

    Kathleen recently posted Earth and Sky, Moon and Stars.

  14. I fucking LOVE looking at your recap….

    Ragemichelle recently posted Rent My Afterlife.

  15. My friends never catch on fire. Hardly ever. Hubs did once though, he set his hair on fire playing with a lighter

    Ragemichelle recently posted Rent My Afterlife.

  16. Oh the Potoo bird’s expression reminds me so much of some of the ones in Allie Brosh’s Hyperbole and a Half!


  17. I was kind of disappointed by the sheep video – totally expecting the bull to suddenly flip the sheep over his head. Sadly, I think that says more about me than I probably should admit.

    whatimeant2say recently posted If You Hear I Got Arrested for Stalking Martha Stewart, You’ll Know Why.

  18. I’m in love with every ‘Collaborating with a 4-year-old’ print. I’m gonna need more wall space. Thanks for sharing!

    Julie You Jest recently posted I’ll see your fish wine and raise you one new bowling obsession..

  19. Awesome pins!! I likey the travel pics 🙂 Makes me wish we would get stationed overseas.. Happy Sunday 🙂

    Candy @ Candypolooza recently posted Tyson Crispy Chicken Strips: Chicken Dippers Recipe #SamsDemo #CBIAS #Shop.

  20. 20
    David Lehmann

    Jenny! That’s a repeat joke, you’ve used it before. It’s ok, no one will know. -shhhh-. 🙂

    (Ha! Same concept…different friend. Although, now that I think about it, that’s probably why the quote reminded her of me. ~ Jenny)

  21. I’d totally let the guy fall and break his neck… what does that say about me?
    And what do you have to say about Star Wars? Since we’re already sort-of talking about that topic anyway? I mean, stars, dead stars, friends?

  22. So I just came on here and went to your shop and saw the chicken towels. And OMG I was so pumped and ready to order. Then I saw they were kitchen towels and got bummed. Any chance you’ll be making these full size bath towels? If not, I may have to order some and just cut out the pic and words and stitch them on a full size towel.

  23. If we get approved for this loan, I am totally going to drop hints like anvils that a Beyonce towel set would be the perfect housewarming gift.

    Patti B recently posted Fabulous Flow-y Lace Scarf DONE!.

  24. Rooster video is phenomenal.

  25. Great… Now that Alucia Keys song is on repeat, in my head…. This girl is on fiiiiiiiiiire…

  26. I missed the ‘weekly reruns’ tag and was trying to figure out where I’d heard a similar story before 😛

  27. This weekly wrap-up helped me pass a little time till I get off work. Thanks!

  28. Great links! The trust fall attack was great, as was the head-butting video (ESPECIALLY after reading the comment). 🙂

    Maxine Dangerous recently posted This is why I don't date.

  29. You don’t do “warm and fuzzy” do you, Jenny?

  30. By the way, your Weekly Wrap-up beats the shit out of anything that’s been on CNN for a decade or so.
    Good stuff!

    The Hook recently posted I Still Suck At Titles, But I Need Your Attention For A Moment, Please..

  31. Well some of our friends are also black husks that have long ago burned away but we are still seeing their light.

    It’s strangely moving, in a way.

    Holly Folly recently posted The Water Heater was my Watery Judas..

  32. Considering that we are made up of the dead matter tossed out by exploding stars, it is no wonder that so many of us suffer depression. After all, we are some strange Frankenstein monster built from dead star parts by a cosmic mad scientist.

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted WIP 2.

  33. A rooster will kick your fucking ass, I am not even joking. Do not mess with a rooster. They have no fear. And no souls.

    This has nothing to do with anything, but I have been wanting to tell you that I had a similar experience to one in your book. The part about you and the deer carcass. Basically the only difference was, in my case, it was night and I was running into the woods ( I was on a mission that I’m not comfortable discussing here. Suffice to say I was booking it). So this solidifies my thought that we should be the greatest of internet friends – how many people can say they’ve spent time inside a dead deer? Hmm? That’s right, just you, me, and possibly a few other nutcases.

    Renee recently posted Can you have dementia at 33?.

  34. My oldest, closest friend in all the world loves playing with fire. Fire poi, fire hoop (? I’m not sure), fire breathing etc. This post was a lovely reminder for me that just because I can’t see her, it doesn’t mean she isn’t out there setting fire to stuff, possibly herself.

  35. “Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements – the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life – weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode.”

    ? Lawrence M. Krauss

    Kelly at Cibatarian recently posted Gig 'em Aggies: TAMU vs Bama.

  36. Good weekly wrap up. Loved the sheep showing the bull. You know the bull was like, “dude, what are you doing?” in that polite way we stare at people who are being weird but feel rude just walking away.
    And I really like the “natural eye” from motherfucking homemaking. She makes it look so easy! I’ve heard of it before, but something just clicked this time. I might give it a try today…

    marrymeknot recently posted Tuesdays With Morrie.

  37. Actually, this is a common misconception. The stars we can see with our naked eye are within a few thousand light years. Very, very few of them will die in the few thousand (or fewer) years it takes for their light to reach us.

    Most of the stars whose light reaches us that are now dead (e.g. gone supernova, or become white dwarfs) are in distant galaxies that we can only see with telescopes. And even then, it’s rare to be able to make out individual stars.

    Phil Plait went on to some detail on this pretty recently:

    The final quote:
    “So when you look at the sky, feel confident in the fact that the stars you see are still there and will be for some time.”

  38. Oddly enough, that makes complete and total sense.

    And don’t forget the black holes always sucking things in… they are there too, even though you can’t see them.

    Crissy Moss recently posted Absolon.

  39. Flame retardant jammies are like the only ones I buy. Because you never know people. You never know!

    thedoseofreality recently posted Pinterest Nightmare #532: SnuggleWings.

  40. Normally, I wouldn’t share this, but … know your audience, right? When clicked on sheep video, THIS ad popped up: It’s for a product called poo-pouri and I cant yelling: “THEY KNOW I CAME FROM JENNY’S SITE, DONT THEY?”

    Tori Deaux recently posted What You Didn’t See On The Circus Last Week….

  41. Aww, she thinks you’re a giant ball of flammable gasses and she still wants to be friends! That’s sweet!

    Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous recently posted Do I look like the sort of person who'd kidnap a cat? No, don't answer that....

  42. oh my jeez. could that sheep be anymore patient? he’s all, “look. dude. it’s NOT THAT HARD. are you LISTENING TO ME? ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION. dude. LOOK AT ME. FUCKING FOCUS.” I loved that video so much.

    monica recently posted Self confidence? Check..

  43. I don’t know if this means it’s sort of an inception situation but I immediately thought of *my* friend when I read your text exchange. So I messaged it to her. A text within a text. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

    Laurel recently posted Migraine schmigraine.

  44. Vaguely related to exploding stars… Have you seen the new Dr Who anniversary website?

  45. And those stars have been dead for a really, really, reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally long time.

    Where can I get one of those toilet paper cozies?

    Diane Holcomb recently posted A Night in the Sleep Clinic, Part 2.

  46. Almost shot tea out of my nose after watching the video of the sheep and then coming back to read the comment. THANK YOU!

  47. 47
    Shannon Fielding

    Hehehe! I may have to quote you on this one.

  48. The comments on the sheep head butting video are worth it. Usually comments depress the fuck out of me..these just made me laugh. People are weird.

    Ragemichelle recently posted Rent My Afterlife.

  49. This is totally unrelated, but your memoir inspired my 14 yo daughter to write & publish her first book! Thank you for your sense of humor & just being you!

  50. I learn so much from your posts and even more from the comments-learned info on stars that I didn’t know 🙂

    My twice baked potato recently posted The Tater Report and The Chief.

  51. I don’t want to sound stupid or slow, but I just found your shop… I love the ‘Fresh from the lady garden’ baby onsie. After my kids were born and friends would want to hold them I would say, “Sure!! You can touch something that came out of my vagina!” It was weird of me, but the idea and saying it made me happy and made others uncomfortable 🙂 What you might call a win/win!

  52. I would just like to see the stars again in Boulder! It is still raining…

  53. I wish some of my friends would explode or be on fire, but I mean that in a totally good way, of course…
    Is it a sad statement on my social circle that I think that the sheep and bull are way cooler than the stars in my sky?
    Also, Motherfucking Homemaker actually made me consider joining Pinterest. Thankfully the feeling has now passed because I seriously don’t have any more time available to waste in my days.
    I wasn’t going to ask, but is “retardant” still a PC term? Shouldn’t we be using “flame challenged”? (Oh jeez, now I’m worrying people will think I’m mocking the mentally challenged, which I’m totally not.)

    Jackie recently posted Is My Sense of Humour Broken?.

  54. Okay, okay. I have had one of the most shitty days in my life (so far), and the “Trust Fall” video made me laugh out loud! I think I might have even snorted a little bit. Thank you.
    Angie Marie

  55. Friends are like balloons. If you stab them, they die.

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  56. yes, the Trust Fall was funny, the sheep thing was sweet and lovely and endearing…..and I just wonder what is wrong with me that when I clicked the “you can find them here” button, I was so sad that it was not the TP cozies….cuz I was gonna buy one of those…to, you know, pretty up the back of my toilet.

    Sally Sachi recently posted Saw this and thought of you.

  57. How do you find such awesome stuff to share? The 4-yr old one…the rooster…the bug-eyed bird…MOTHERFUCKING HOMEMAKING… all of it…so perfectly completing my day 🙂

    MILF Runner recently posted #disneyland #familyfun #HAPPY.

  58. I have never understood anything at all on Pinterest until This Very Fucking Minute. The ‘click’ in my brain was audible.

    iris de mallemarok recently posted You’ve gotta have boobs if you want to impress tycoons and rubes.

  59. I think the second one definitely makes me think of you.

    Karen Peterson recently posted You know what sucks?.

  60. OMG. Rooster video is the funniest thing ever! Will have to bookmark for when I need a good belly laugh. Just kept getting funnier every time I re-watched it.

  61. Llamas with hats. disturbing 🙂

  62. The weekly wrap up was somewhat tarnished by the association with online gambling.

    (You know, you’re the second person to object to the bingo advert. Online bingo has always seemed like a normal vice to me, the same as drinking or drugs or Vegas or anything else, but it’s interesting that it’s a sore spot with some. I’ve had online bingo places advertise here from time to time but if it really bothers you guys I’ll keep it in mind. My weekly wrap-up sponsorships helps pay the servers but I care about your perspective too. No promises, but I’ll keep it in mind in the future when other opportunities come up. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

    Kattie recently posted Desperate.

  63. Thank you for sharing the ‘collaborating with a 4 year old’ link. So brilliant in so many ways!

    JJ - 84thand3rd recently posted Vegan Concord Grape Meringue Pie Parfaits.

  64. Exploding Friends….That could be taken SO many different ways!

    batpoopcrazy recently posted Asshole Level = Defcon Red.

  65. 65
    Carl Strauser

    When I read the following and clicked the link, I thought I was going to see the toilet paper cozies.

    I was sorely disappointed.

    “Regardless, it’s awesome and I love to play, and I imagine these people have better prizes than toilet-paper cozies, although to Aunt Barb’s credit our toilet paper has never seemed cozier. You can check them out here.”

    (I should get Aunt Barb to start an etsy site. ~ Jenny)

  66. If I had not just paid some huge bills I would totally be getting those Beyonce towels for my kitchen. They would make my Sunday school teacher mom freak out. Which I my whole goal in life.

    Jocelyn recently posted Words.

  67. Oh, but you ARE on fire Jenny! In the best way of course!

    Linda Roy - elleroy was here recently posted I Don’t Like Mondays: O.M.G.I. Monday….

  68. The “all the stars are already dead” thing is a myth. Phil Plait said so.

    Just like the myths your depression tells you about your friends not actually liking you.

    So, be comforted that all of your friends are still alive and just fine. Even if they are on fire.

  69. Isn’t this really similar to that post you did last year that “I Fucking Love Science” publicized?

  70. I don’t know. I think that being compared to exploding stars is a real compliment. You’ve got a good friend there. One that seems to thoroughly understand your wobbly orbit. That makes a keeper in my book.

    Molly Dugger Brennan recently posted Down in the Dumps.

  71. I cannot stop watching the rooster video! oh how you’ve made my life complete by sharing 🙂

    Melissa recently posted Friday the 13th, Everyday of My Life!.

  72. I’m depressed, man. A four-year-old draws way, way, WAY better than me. But then I went to the homemaking pinterest board, and that helped a little bit. Because I’m pretty adequate at some things.

    Dana the Biped recently posted I... I Don't Even Know What This Is. But It Scares Me..

  73. I’m glad you inspire your friends the same way I inspire mine.

    Wait, I don’t know that “inspire” is the word I mean to be using….. 😉

    Cher recently posted Reason #28 NOT to Have Kids.

  74. Don’t forget that stars are brighter than they appear….which applies to quite a few of my friends, now that I think about it.

    Shelley J recently posted On dragons and princesses.

  75. Collaborating with a 4 year old was so beautiful…

    Just out of curiosity, does your shop ship to the UK? We’re buying a new house and I desperately want the mini-Beyonce…

  76. As long as I’m not the black hole sucking everything into my void and destroying them.

    Laurie recently posted Random Notes about the Kitchen Project.

  77. Of course! YOU love roosters! Have you SEEN the giant blue cock they installed in Trafalgar Square? I will tweet it to you.

    kaitlyn recently posted What larks!.

  78. As noted elsewhere, we are made of star stuff. What hasn’t been noted exactly is, every element in your body that is further down the table than iron not only came from a star, it came from a supernova! Stars are Hydrogen, to start, mostly, and fuse that hydrogen into helium. The helium will also fuse into heavier elements, into oxygen, carbon, finally into iron, where it stops… UNLESS this star is big enough that when the pressure due to the fusion explosions isn’t big enough to keep it from collapsing, triggering a supernova, in which fusion into the heavier elements can occur. So, in a way, not only you, but all your friends, and everyone you’ve ever known, have been part of events so titanic that you can’t reasonably even imagine them.

    Make of that what you will. Here endeth the lesson. 🙂


    leanne tankel recently posted SCHOOLED!.

  80. That sounds like my best friend and me! Except more there are more nerd references about Star Trek and Star Wars 😉

    Krysten Wasik recently posted Are you in a sweet or savory mood?.

  81. NOOOOOOOO– the flame retardant pj’s have nasty chemicals in them…just say no.. JUST SAY NOOOOOOOOO!

    Itzybellababy recently posted Tree-rific Tuesday Blog Hop.

  82. I love you Jenny, no seriously like I love the Dr! Maybe to add more detail to the other two comments, paddypower & online bingo gambling is causing problems in the UK and some people feel they are saturating the advertising market here, while exploiting people. It seems to be an often debated subject on talk shows etc that the vulnerable and/or poor are targeted by these companies. Its a big topic and in no way am I covering it all or stating my personal views, I just wondered if the two people that commented negatively about paddypower were UK based like me? which could explain it.(my first comment here and its a bit contraversial-I can feel my anxiety rising!)

    (No anxiety. It’s all good and I’m glad to know the background because it makes more sense why people would be upset by it. To me it’s the same as going to Vegas, but if there are background issues in another country that makes me understand the issue a lot more. Honestly, I was a little baffled so this helps. ~ Jenny)

  83. thank you. needed that rooster video this morning. it was just the thing.

  84. 85

    Here I was thinking that I’d get to see some of Aunt Barb’s TP cozies…

  85. You can never have enough rooster videos. Or toilet paper cozies. What did we do before the internet? We’d just have to make and do all this weird shit ourselves. Now we can live vicariously through other people’s giant metal chickens and incredibly realistic costumes. I love you, internet. Don’t ever leave me.

    Adrasteia recently posted Reasons for admission to a lunatic asylum (for those of you who haven't already seen this on Pinterest).

  86. Lol , Bear heads are GREAT.

    Dentist India

  87. More trust falls! This time at the headquarters.

  88. That’s so sweet of your friend.Put also a bit melodramatic.


    dreaming is believing

    Niki recently posted timing..

  89. You’re forgetting “Come on baby light my fire.” Some friends want to be on fire so this should NOT be depressing. Lol.

  90. I want that towel is beach size!

    BiPagan recently posted Booklist 2012, 35 "books" this year.

  91. Your search terms are generally better (and more varied) than mine, but I just looked and found the following:

    “is it normal to punch yourself in the face to sober up?”


    “can lotion in your but [sic] make poop?”


    “big brother crotch shot”


    “can u poo ur self to death?”

    It’s a proud day.

    Missy Carr recently posted Because it’s usually better to eat brownie batter than it is to shank people..

  92. I just wanted to let you know that I plugged you on my blog, again, ’cause you’re awesome. I put your “Depression Lies” necklace on my Christmas list. I hope hubby takes the hint! 😉

    Visionary Bri recently posted Robbed of Personal Power - Beyond Your Story.

  93. That bird is insane! It looks like one of those weird brown muppets from Sesame street that always used to freak me out.
    And, omg, those funny cats were histerical! The best was at 3:13!
    Epic staredowns; 4:37, 6:20

    Aileen recently posted Fit & Fabulous: The Goals.

  94. Rather the star be on fire than your crotch be on fire. Hypothetically, of course. I definitely don’t know from experience…

    Lisa Newlin recently posted Some thoughts on nature from Matt Newlin.

  95. I’ve actually worked with the weather anchor in the chicken attack video. He is from the Australian Today Show. His crew showed me the video and gave him a hard time. We were on the Santa Monica Pier and a Seagull flew really close to his head, apparently he is still traumatized, because it freaked him out. haha. That video never gets old!

  96. Hi Jenny,

    I know others have already said things about the Bingo sponsorship but I thought I would add my voice. I understand that the sponsors need to come from somewhere and that for most people bingo will just be a game, but, as Andy (#9) said, gambling wrecks lives.

    If it helps, I’m also from the UK and there are lots of gambling adverts on TV and so on (especially for things like online poker and bingo) – they just make me sad because they aren’t helping people who may be trying really hard to break their addictions.

    Love and happy thoughts,

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