I am tremendously easy to please and I’m not getting credit for it.

Conversation between me and my husband:

me:  My feet hurt

Victor: Your feet always hurt.

me:  Because of all the ass I’m kicking.

Victor: *raised eyebrow*

me:  And also because of my rheumatoid arthritis.

Victor: That sounds more accurate.

me: And I might need new shoes.

Victor: *sigh*

me: And a piggy-back ride.

Victor: Hmm.

me: And a step ladder so that I can get on your back, because I don’t think I can  jump that high anymore without both of us getting injured.

Victor: Mmm.

me: I’d settle for a wheelbarrow.

Victor: Huh.

me: Not the thing we did in elementary P.E. where you carry my legs and I walk on my hands.  I mean a real wheelbarrow.  One that you could push me in.

Victor: Hmm.

me:  It’d be like a wheelchair.  But whimsical.

Victor: No.

me:  But we’d need to fill it with pillows, or sedated cats.  And some ziploc bags filled with frozen margaritas.  And some maybe streamers  to make it festive.  And a flare gun for whenever you leave me in the middle of the grocery store and forget what aisle I’m on.

Victor: I wouldn’t call it “forgetting.”

me:  But I’m not sure you can bring a gun in a grocery store, so maybe some just roman candles and a lighter.  And some sort of bullhorn.

Victor: You know, they have these cool new things called “benches”.  You just sit your ass  down on them when your feet hurt.

me: Oh my God, you are so mainstream.

Victor:  You keep saying that like it’s a bad thing.

me: I’m just saying, keep the wheelbarrow idea in the back of your mind.  In case you want to surprise me by being awesome one day.

Victor: With a wheelbarrow?

me: Yeah.  With a wheelbarrow.  Most girls want diamonds and fancy summer houses.  I just want a goddam surprise wheelbarrow every now and then.  You are incredibly lucky to have me.

Victor:  That’s what I keep trying to tell myself.

166 thoughts on “I am tremendously easy to please and I’m not getting credit for it.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. what?? the first comment?? has the universe done something strange?? I love your conversations with Victor and how your mind works. It is comforting to realize I am not so strange afterall! Thank you Jenny, for everything you do!

  2. That lucky feeling. My second kilt arrived in the mail just the other day, and I wore it to lunch with my lady wife and her coworkers. Another gal in her office just asked her if she was married to the man in the kilt. Saying that she was, she was then told, “You’re a very lucky girl.”
    And she is.
    I wonder if this is related to Wil Wheaton’s discussion of the “lucky man” meme.

  3. I love this fucking post. Mostly because it’s hilarious, but also because I think my husband and I have similar conversations about things I want that he won’t let me have. Think of replacing the word “wheelbarrow” with “goat”. And you’ll see me in your life.
    lol!

  4. Freaking hilarious. I actually giggled.

    And a surprise festive wheelbarrow sounds like the best gift ever. Although I think I would prefer a surprise day off. As in “Surprise! I will do everything while you stay in bed and nap and read and knit all day!”

    (Can you tell I’m exhausted?)

  5. My dad used to give me wheelbarrow rides as a kid. It was really fun! I appreciate your easy-to-pleasedness, if I were Victor would be glad to be married to you, because wheelbarrows are so much cheaper than diamonds! Although my brother and I used to push people down hills and let go on a wheelchair we made out of these giant lego type things when we were kids, so maybe you wouldn’t want to be married to me…

  6. Fun fact, got my fiance a wheelbarrow for our anniversary. He has yet to use it in a fun way, I think that means we can use it for shopping trips.

  7. Haha. I tell my boyfriend these things too. Most girls would be begging you to take them shopping. I’m taking you to an anime convention. Aren’t you lucky to have me ^_^ (we’re both nerdy as hell, so it works)

  8. The wheelbarrow would come in handy when you’re old and gray. Sell Victor on the longevity of the gift.

  9. This all sounds like a good idea – until I think of the few times I have actually pushed a wheelbarrow. Every damn time, it ended up on it’s side. I mean, sure, they are easy to push empty, but any little bit of weight makes them wobbly pain in the asses.

  10. For years people have puzzled over the meaning of William Carlos Williams’ poem, ‘The Red Wheelbarrow.’ I think you have finally done it.

  11. Rhonda has an excellent point. You’d be on your ass in three seconds. And then your ass would hurt. Maybe consider a shopping cart instead? It works well for another lady I see on Broadway who likes to tote around cats and flare guns.

  12. My husband and I have the same conversation, only mine is Pregger McProblems has eternal heartburn and he’s convinced that pregnant woman defy nature and are actually a vacuum, and we all know nature abhors a vacuum….yeah.

  13. Excellent idea. My husband and I were watching tv and saw an awesome commercial. There is a new wheelbarrow out there with 2 front wheels and we had quite the similar conversation. OK, not really, we weren’t that funny. But we were coveting that wheelbarrow. Now we must buy it because of its multipurpose relevancy. My back is getting worse. Problem solved. I think I want fuzzy dice to go with the streamers.

  14. Wheelbarrows are wobbly unless the person driving (is that the right term?) them is strong and well-balanced (not mentally, just physically). Do you trust Victor to be strong and well-balanced when he’s driving you in the wheelbarrow? I’d recommend something like this Gorilla Cart, just don’t be offended that it’s called a “dump cart.”

    http://www.kmart.com/gorilla-carts-garden-dump-cart/p-043W222304110001P?sid=KDx01192011x000001&kpid=043W222304110001&kispla=043W222304110001P

  15. Didn’t realize you had a Czech background. Vaclav Havel is one of my heroes. No only was his drama on the absurdist side (sound familiar?) but even his political writing demonstrates an eerie, and incredibly likable, equanimity.

    Sounds like he’s related, for sure.

  16. Ha! Forgot about the P.E. wheelbarrow thing. Ya, that would’t work to well. Could you imagine P.E. wheelbarrowing it through Target? You couldn’t even wave at the lookie lous, needing both hands and all 🙂

  17. The festive wheelbarrow is a brilliant idea. If only there was some way to attach, say, a taxidermied pony on wheels to the front, it’d be like a parade. Super festive!

  18. Do people even use wheelbarrows anymore? I never see them so maybe you can bring them back. And dont forget to Bedazzle the shit out of that thing.

  19. When I was a kid, we briefly had a wheelbarrow in our living room (I have no idea why). My brother and I used to fight over who was going to relax in it and watch TV. There was actually a couple of throw pillows in there. So, yeah, this is totally possible.

  20. don’t be too easy, he should at least bedazzle the shit out of that wheelbarrow when he buys it for you. and yes, i said WHEN because he can’t deny a great idea for long.

  21. I want a wheel barrel decorated to fulfill my every whim…it’s such a great idea and has multiple uses. Oooh! And it’s green transportation, too. Do you suppose there is a government grant to cover the cost?

  22. DOUBLE WIN! The wheelbarrow helps after the frozen margaritas too!! It’s like you’re HELPING HIM! He should be thanking you for being so thoughtful…

  23. I LOVE my wheelbarrow! I’d make it my new purse if it would fit in the car. It’s an old faded grey with a festively rusty interior and trendy weathered wood handles. But suddenly I’ve got an urge to paint it red, hang streamers on it and take the cats for a whimsical spin around the block. I wonder why?

    (I hope Victor gets you one.)

  24. Another option would be one of those motorized ice coolers. It wouldn’t require participation from the husband and it’ll keep all your drinks and snacks fresh. You could streamers on the handles and a basket for holding cats. Or more snacks.

  25. Once again, you prove to be a genius. I love the wheelbarrow idea. Although I’m not sure I trust my husband’s strength. I’m going to suggest that he present me with a wagon instead. I don’t need him “accidentally” getting all tippy on me.

  26. Wheelbarrow: the perfect mother’s day gift. You should really be working for Hallmark. They would probably try to pay you in sedated cats.

  27. Totally reasonable request. I liked the margarita and flare gun bit the best.

  28. Consider walkie talkies instead of a bullhorn. Then you can pick cool nicknames and say things like “Breaker breaker 1-9” and other assorted CB talk. You know, like BJ and the bear.

  29. They have wheelbarrows with two front wheels now. Much less tipsy. Victor can’t dump you over on the side. And they come in bright colors, not just boring green. I have seen a pretty yellow that would be very festive. 🙂

  30. I have often advocated for adult strollers. I think we should hitch up teams of kids since they have so much energy. I should totally start a business at the zoo. Parents can drop of their unruly children and relax with a drink for a bit, and tired adults can get a little jaunt in a grown-up stroller. When I rule the world, I’m totally doing this.

  31. I’ve been saying for years, how much I need a wheelbarrow, especially after a long day out & about, or a nice dinner out..lol.

  32. I want the wheelchair, just as a back-up you see for when my fibro flares up. The pillows sound good, but not the cats – boyfriend is allergic and I fully expect him to drive me around like a pretty princess.

  33. Hoping to run into you in the wheelbarrow, and Victor, in the grocery store some day. Not literally.

  34. It seems every Korean drama I watched made in 2009/2010 had at least one person getting a piggy back ride because the rider was tired, broke a shoe, was sick or very drunk. I haven’t seen a single one in the dramas made in 2013 or 2014 (granted, I’ve not seen them all, so I might be missing them).

  35. I see a wheelbarrow in your future. You just set yourself up for your next birthday gift. Never discount diamonds. Ever.

  36. Ummmm, you forgot to add holocaust cloak to your list of things to go with the wheelbarrow…maybe if you added it to the list Victor would have simply replied “As you wish” instead….

  37. Have you tried incorporating the spice Tumeric in your diet? It’s a natural anti-inflammatory. Maybe it would help? I buy it in bulk and put it in my own capsules and take 2 a day. It’s time consuming and it makes your hands look like you belong on the Simpsons..but it’s cheaper that way.

  38. You live in Texas, I am pretty sure you can take a gun anywhere you please, especially the supermarket.

  39. I’m the type who wants a foot rub instead of a wheel barrow, and while he’s down there, he can rub my legs, hit up my back, squish the buns nothing feels better than a good butt rub once in a while, and then just pet me for hours while we watch Bruce Willis kill some bad guys. You want sedated cats. I want to be your sedated cat. You can rub my ears while I sit on your lap in a wheelbarrow.

    PS. I am no longer actually dribbles and grits thanks to some Japanese a-hole who took my domain the day it expired, so I’m now Crumpets and Bollocks.

  40. I would totally ask for a wheelbarrow for when my feet are sore, but I’m low maintenance enough that I generally just request that someone ELSE please go to the store. Because, hello–that way I don’t have to waste all that time putting on going-to-town clothes and shoes and makeup, which cost MONEY, right? So I’m saving us money every time we don’t go somewhere. Talk about cost effective, and High Five for awesome low maintenance-ness.

  41. We have two wheelbarrows and I can tell you they’re not worth the trouble. First of all, the tires pop without due cause. Races in the backyard are TOO positive reinforcement for vacuuming the cat hair off of the upstairs sectional. How did it then become MY fault that the tires blew? I wasn’t the one who asked for the cat hair to be sucked into the thing in the first place. Men simply don’t consider the obvious outcome. Also, they tend to think wheelbarrows should instead be used for real yard work…for like picking up twigs and leaves and stuff. But spiders take over and just end up nesting in hair the next time someone brilliant decides to have another yard race. You know what’s a better present? A riding mower. Or a mace. Those suckers (both) just ooze power…and are fun to control – as long as you don’t really attempt to wield either one above your head. I’m just offering suggestions here. Point is, men really don’t seem to appreciate low maintenance women as much as they should.

  42. Make sure he gets the double wheeled one, less wobbly and less likely to tip 😜

    We have a wheelbarrow…hubby and I may be making the neighbors think we are crazy tonight.

  43. You have no idea how this is also my life right now and a wheelbarrow from my boyfriend would be the best thing ever. I’d also accept an electric cart with an engine from a rally car. But yeah, the feet issues and RA, right there with you. I’m waiting for a donor bone for my ankle so I can walk properly again. I’m telling everyone I’m getting a zombie bone.

  44. I googled “person in wheelbarrow”. I don’t know why. And I there are so many people posing like that for photos. Clearly Victor was unaware how mainstream wheelbarrows actually are.

  45. And I’m back… to blame (thank?) you that the word “festooned” has lept forward into consciousness today and this amuses me. (Screw you spellcheck, lept is SO a word.)

  46. I can’t get past the idea of surrounding oneself with sedated cats. They’d be so….squishy and they’d have to let you squeeze them. Genius.

  47. Thank you for this belly laugh. I found out about 3 years ago that I have RA and have never had a flare up until now. I really needed to see this this morning. Not only did I get a great laugh out of it, I have a new outlook on things because of it.

  48. In love with the idea of a margarita pillow now. Also, I saw a woman in a car at a stoplight today, and she had a full head of pink rollers. I wanted to do something clever, but the police car behind me held me back. fml.

  49. My husband periodically asks me for a piggyback. As he’s about 180 pounds, I say no. It would basically just be him jumping on me and riding me as I collapse to the ground. Not so much fun for either of us, I think!

  50. I love the wheelbarrow idea, especially a snazzy wheelbarrow. But I’m not sure I trust my husband to be in control of my mobility. I do like the thought of not having to move myself though. Hmm. My feet hurt like shit today too.

  51. I’m related to Vaclav Havel! Not closely, but I have the family’s ‘Havel hips’ and can be absurd. In a freaky family coincidence, my son was born the day after Vaclav died, so the newspaper we’ve kept to commemorate his birth also commemorates his great-great-great uncle (or whatever) ‘s death.

  52. I want a giant wagon, with a team of huskies to pull me in it! 🙂 (and also the pillows, bullhorn, lighter and roman candles.)

  53. Roxie makes an excellent suggestion. A team of huskies to pull a wagon, I like that idea a lot.
    Or a rickshaw, Victor could totally pull you in a ricksaw with comfy pillows plus, bonus, yhe seat is wide enough to fit a sedated cat or two.

  54. Do they let you take cats into the grocery stores in Texas? Is it only if they are sedated? Or do you still have to prove that they are some kind of service animal?

  55. There’s a wheelbarrow chair in here: http://scraphacker.com/wheelbarrow-hacks/

    Sharon not sharon, That sounds like the one my friend Gloria had — her Dad got a bright shiny red wheelbarrow for Christmas one year, and they piled quilts into it and started sitting on it. So come spring, he STILL had to buy himself a wheelbarrow, because no one wanted to lose the cool chair. Are you Gloria in disguise? 🙂

  56. Victor should be happy. A wheelbarrow is way less expensive than diamonds. Therefore any plan that involves wheelbarrows is fiscally responsible. (Totally logiced that one out.) But it sounds like he’s one of those “hard to convince with logic” people.

    My husband is the same way. He’s all…

    “No you can’t quit your job to stay at home and eat bonbons.”
    “Chopping wood for one day doesn’t make you a lumberjack.”
    “I don’t think you understand how logic works.”

    I just have to keep reminding myself that they make up for their lack of reasonableness with other good things. Like loving us. And killing spiders that are so big they’d make a noise when you stomp on them. You know, husbandly duties.

  57. Ever since I used to be obsessed with the Monkees when I was 7 I wanted a bed with wheels on it to zoom down the street in. I vote you get that.

  58. My boyfriend keeps telling me he’s going to get me a giant version of a little red wagon so he can pull me 🙂

  59. Those “cool” new benches are never where you need them (like in the middle of grocery stores). The wheelbarrow idea makes more sense.

  60. Oh man, if they only knew how lucky they have it! All I want is a toy Dalek for my desk, that rolls around and shouts “EXTERMINATE!” Is that too much to ask???! Sigh!

  61. YES! After we said “I do”, I rode in a wheelbarrow piloted by my husband from the church to the reception (sadly, it was just across the street) I wish I’d thought to fill mine with cats and margarita bags though – mine just had quilts and balloons…

  62. In Texas, people tend to either shop at the HEB or at Wal-Mart, so not only can you take guns to the supermarket, you can likely buy them there.

  63. HiLARioussss… I LOVE the whole whimsy wheelbarrow idea with ziploc margarita baggies and streamers. Now THAT’s some serious creative juice right there!

  64. Shoot—literally. You can bring a gun into our grocery stores in Georgia. It’s quite often embarrassing to live here. 🙁

  65. My husband got me a wheelbarrow (and a tree and a hose) as my wedding gift. It was awesome. It really could have used booze and streamers, though, now that I think of it…

  66. I’m pretty sure my friend would love one of those. She has degenerative disk disease at 33 years of age and has already been told she’s SOL for surgery. Send a wheelbarrow her way, wouldja?

  67. Now, I’ve never asked my wife for a wheelbarrow to ride around in. We have one, but we use it for ordinary, boring things like gardening and mixing concrete.

    All I ever ask is to fill the house with Doctor Who decor and merchandise, and I get shot down. You’d think that would be better than hauling me around in a wheelbarrow when my feet hurt (bunyons and hammer toes rather than arthritis, but I feel your pain). I don’t think you’re asking for much.

  68. I feel as though we can get a crossover with Pimp My Ride (is that still on, or is MTV strictly all knocked up teenagers, now), and get you some neons and spinners on that sumbitch.

  69. If I sit down on a bench every time my feet hurt, I’ll never get up. Plus… remember you have to walk to said benches, that is not convenient.

  70. Thank GOD you remembered the Margaritas! But can I get mine in a glass? Unless you have found zip locks that form a perfect seal around the straw. Otherwise it is going to be a sticky ride.

    Just spent two full minutes looking at the word “seal” trying to remember if that is the correct spelling of the stick together kind or the AR AR AR (clapping hands together like flippers) kind.

  71. hahaa you’re hilarious and the guy is really lucky to have you. This made me laugh so hard

    me: Because of all the ass I’m kicking.

  72. As a wheelchair user myself, (who has occasionally been separated from companions while shopping) I only have one comment:

    Flare gun? Really? You need something with less collateral damage, but with just as much notification power.

    I say Airhorn

  73. My grandfather owned a hardware store. When asked one year what I wanted for Christmas, I said a red wheelbarrow. Keep in mind I was a City girl with no need for a wheelbarrow, I just liked them. He gave me a big shiny red wheelbarrow…and I still have it in my entryway holding plants all these years later. Best gift ever. Wheelbarrows rock.

  74. My favourite part was Victor’s line: ‘I wouldn’t call it “forgetting”‘. Made me laugh out loud! ha ha ha haha.

  75. Next time my feet hurt I am buying new shoes! Thanks, Jenny. You never fail to make me smile.

  76. I love you. Will you be my friend?
    These conversations, between the two of you, sound like me and my best friend. We both call each other Carol, but Carol is neither one of our names. We’re a little off. You would fit in perfectly. The first two sentences weren’t meant to sound creepy, I was joking. Well, maybe a little true, but still not meant to be creepy.

  77. I have a husband like yours who doesn’t believe I don’t want diamonds, I LIKE practical stuff. I just bought myself a “String Trimmer” that I have been asking for for the last 3 years. Evidently it’s not good enough for an anniversary present, but I sure do like it!

  78. Yes! I want a wheelbarrow too! Though I think my husband would choose the sedated cat over the wheelbarrow.

  79. I NEED THAT WHEELBARROW!!! Exactly how you described it, with pillows and streamers and everything. You know what? I’ll make one! I’ll get a…oh who am I kidding. I’ll just dream.
    P.S. (forward this to Victor) Victor, make the woman that kick-ass wheelbarrow. 😀

  80. Sweet Westley agrees. “Now if we just had a wheelbarrow, that would be SOMETHING.”

  81. This is the reason I ask for a Rascal® Scootaround every year for my birthday and those motherfuckers (my family) never get it for me.

  82. Don’t forget the sparklers. Everything’s better with sparklers. I’m sure even the cats would approve.

  83. Drugged cats and baggies of booze? Count me in! Also, Victor should realy figure in the cost savings of having you in a wheelbarrow after buying new shoes- they’d last forever!! It’s really basic economics Victor- the wheelbarrow would pay for itself in shoe savings!

  84. I’ve had this convo with my husband. But it’s him who wants the wheel barrel – with Wifi so I can push him around home depot and he can be happy.

  85. I’ve forwarded this post to my husband because 1) my feet hurt 2) I also think it’s because of my rheumatoid arthritis 3) Sipping margaritas while he pushes me around in a wheelbarrow sounds heavenly. I’m pretty sure he’s going to say no, but a girl can dream.

  86. Our husbands are damn lucky to have us!! I went through a procedure to keep my hubby from having to go through having a scalpel taken to his delicate parts and you know what I got from my loving gesture? Surgery because I had a bad reaction to my procedure. I should have made him face the damn scalpel.

    That said, I’m so very sorry your feet are hurting you. Or anything is hurting you ever. Victor totally needs to make the wheelbarrow surprise thing happen. If he ever does make it happen, pics or it totally didn’t happen. 😀

  87. Thanks for the laugh ! I had a horrible day and feel so much better now. You are always awesome Jenny.

    yogawedgiemom.weebly.com

  88. You’re going about this all wrong. What ya need to do is buy him a wheelbarrow as a gift for your next anniversary. Tell him he can use it to move Beyonce.

    Then fill it with towels. ; ). And get in it.

    Jenni

  89. I love the conversations you post here (true or not), you and Victor are a wonderful couple. Of course, I only know this through conversations you post here (which could be a figment of your over-active imagination or due to inhaling taxidermied (?) animal scent on a regular basis), but the two of you seem like a wonderful match. I enjoyed your book, love hearing about your family and the things you do and your daughter is truly a beautiful soul. Many more happy years to you and your family.

  90. My girlfriend wants me to carry her when it’s snowy. So her shoes don’t get snow on them. She said I should just make her a sedan chair so I could get some friends to carry her around when the weather is bad.

    Me: No. But as a compromise, I’ll get up early and shovel a path to the garage.

    Her: Sedan chair!

    Me: Fancy galoshes to cover your shoes is your only other option.

  91. Maybe you should ask him for a tricked out two-wheeled dolly that way you can lay down while he is wheeling you around AND when you need to be at your desk, he can just stand the dolly up and you can work away until you need to be wheeled somewhere else!

  92. When I was 8 mos pregnant, my spouse pushed me around on a flatbed cart at the gigantic outlet mall on Columbus Day as we did our Christmas shopping. Pillows would have been great.

  93. Wait a second! All this time I thought it was called a wheelBARREL. I am fucking mind blown right now. When my RA feet are in FU mode I ride on the contractor carts at Home Depot, but a wheelBARROW sounds ever more fun!

  94. Wasn’t that on People of Walmart? Except it was monkeys and/or baby goats instead of cats. And a bucket of bourbon. And leopard print pillows with sequins that fell off and stuck to cellulite. Definitely.

  95. If Victor’s hesitant about a wheelbarrow due to the wobble factor (and let’s face it — you wouldn’t want to be dumped on the ground if he took a turn too sharp), perhaps you can swipe a grocery cart from a local grocery store. You could weave your streamers through the sides and tie them on the handle. I think it’s a win-win.

  96. Thank for the “mental visual.” Will make me smile at random inappropriate moments all day.

  97. ” I wouldn’t call it ‘forgetting’ “. what is wrong with him? he would leave bags of frozen margaritas behind?! leaving your wife behind (hey they all do that!) well, ok. but the margaritas? he needs a mental health eval….. STAT!

  98. Does Victor have a”special place” he retreats to every now and again?
    If not, he may want to look into renting one…

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