Well, it’ll be an interesting death at least

A friend of mine just emailed this to me:


My team:

Pocket from Fool.  “Heinous fuckery, most foul!”

Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation.

Zombeavers.  I don’t know who the real protagonist is in this movie but I sort of think it’s the zombie-beavers because they were the ones I was rooting for by the end.

So I guess the answer is that I’m pretty screwed, but at least it’ll be an interesting way to die.  You?

PS. I still have the plague and it’s getting worse.  If someone near you coughs like they’ve been living in a coal mine just set them on fire.  It’ll keep you safe and at this point, I half suspect they’d thank you for putting them out of their misery.


And now, the weekly wrap-up…



Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):


Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:  

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by the book NEVER FOUL A JUMP SHOOTER, A Guide To Basketball Lingo, Lessons and Laughs.  The book began as the author having fun with a few quirky basketball expressions, such as “penetrate and dish” and “a foul waiting to happen” but then it just kept growing into a humorous look at wonderfully colorful basketball expressions. But this is not a dictionary. Or a story with beginning, middle and end. The next time you’re watching a game and you hear an announcer say, “The bank is open,” or a post-game interviewer ask a player, “How big was this win?” and the player answer, “It was huge,” or hear a player “thanking God” after a victory, just open this book, find the term and have a chuckle. Because basketball is about life, and life is better when we can all laugh at ourselves just a little.  You should check it out here.


328 thoughts on “Well, it’ll be an interesting death at least

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Seth Rogin from The Neighbors, a blind French girl from WWII era, and baby seal stuck in the mud. I will just go ahead and give up now.

  2. Mine are: Dexter Morgan, Jean Louise Finch, and Ross Poldark. I think I’m gonna be okay.

  3. Doctor Who, Mystery Men & The Blogess (just read her post, right?). On the plus side we get to hang out with The Doctor!

  4. The Doctor (Jon Pertwee), Quentin Coldwater (The Magicians by Lev Grossman), and Sonic the Hedgehog. We’ll use Sonic as bait for the zombies while the Doctor, Quentin, and I escape on the TARDIS and the Doctor comes up with a plan to rid the Earth of Zombies. 😀

  5. Wall-E, Caitlin Moran, and Troy&Abed (they count as one, right?). I feel pretty good about our chances.

  6. Harry Potter, Surveyor from Defenders of the Frontier by Robert Silverberg and Finn from Sharknado. I think I’m golden.

  7. Well, I’m reading Orange is the New Black, re-watching Chuck on Netflix, and just finished re-watching Wonderfalls, so I think I’m in pretty decent shape, actually.

  8. Agent Cooper (Twin Peaks), Gibbs (NCIS), and Death (Discworld)…I think I’m going to make it!

  9. I just rewatched Jaws and saw a Smiths/Morrissey tribute band last night, so I have 2 solid team mates and a dead meat on my side… perfect.

  10. Dom from “I Know This Much Is True”, “:The Big Bang Theory” gang, and that bizarre little grinning thing from Candy Crush. I might have a prayer, although I wish I seen this Friday. Then I would have Carl Poppa, Rick, Darryl, and Michon on my side.

  11. Just spent Sunday with my children. I expect to do very well with my team of Super Mario, Paddington Bear and Sponge Bob.

  12. I think I’m going to do ok: Arthur, Lancelot and an ass-kicking Guinevere (from the Keira Knightley version; having them on my zombie apocalypse team almost makes up for sitting through that abysmal movie) and the brutal Shelby family from Peaky Blinders (I was on a Netflix binge last night).

    The third, and most valuable of course, is you Jenny.

  13. (1) Bonnie Burton, Felicia Day, Kiala Kazebee and Veronica Belmont (from a Vaginal Fantasy vlog – it’s actually paused, I haven’t had a chance to watch the whole thing yet), (2) the cast of World’s Dumbest (>_> yeah, I know), (3) and my level 100 druid from WoW and her bodyguard… So. I might not die *first*, anyway, but I don’t think the WD guys are going to be much help at all.

  14. I don’t think I need to go any further than Sam and Dean Winchester. I’m all set.

  15. Leslie Knope for me as well, Eleanor Roosevelt and The Bloggess. So, I think I am 2/3 of the way to not being screwed. I’ll leave it to you to decide who’d be the one to trip in the woods, drop all our supplies and doom us to death.

  16. That would be Lily from The Secret Life of Bees, Jane Fonda in that netflix series, and the French dude from Auberge Espagnole. Not great.
    Leslie Knope is a badass and Zombeavers? I think you’ve underestimated your team!

  17. Henry VIII, Bilbo Baggins, and a Hoarder. We’ll never run out of supplies!

  18. I got you, Professor Quartermass and my ranger from Guild Wars 2.
    We are sorted, apart from you having the whole plague thing. Although that might mean you are immune to zombie bites, in which case we are totally sorted.

  19. A kickass ME who can shoot a gun and repair gunshot wounds from the book “What Lies Behind” by JT Ellison, a young Monstrumologist in training who’s been through some scary sh*t in “The Curse of the Wendigo” by Rick Yancy, and the peoples of the mountainous regions of the world from BBC’s “Human Planet.” We got this shit! 😀

  20. Oliver Queen from Arrow, Fry from Futurama, and since I just reread Lets Pretend This Never Happened, your diseased self. The lessen here is that if given a choice between watching Futurama episodes you’ve never seen or Dr. Who episodes you have seen over and over, you should probably still watch Dr. Who. Because Zombies.

  21. I’ve got the Orphan Black women, an indestructible magician named Sam from Shadowrun, and… A pretty puzzle picture of a landscape. I’ll probably be fine, and if not, I’ll have something distracting to do before I die.

  22. The Black Dagger Brotherhood, who can kick major ubdead ass already, Ender and his platoon from Ender”s Game, and I just saw Jane’s Addiction live . i I am in great shape with a kick ass soundtrack, too!!

  23. I hate memes in general, but this one really flipped my switch.

    Ethan from Mission Impossible, Phryne Fisher (’20s private detective) and Mr. Dooley.

    I think Tom Cruise is going to pick up most of the slack in my story, but Mr. Dooley has beer!

  24. I’ve got TWD cast, Piper from OITNB and Simon Pegg as Hector from “Hector and his search for happiness”. If i’m honest I think I’d be ok as The Walking Dead cast are obviously living through it, Simon Pegg has experience from his time in Shaun of The Dead, and Piper… Well Piper can be used as bait if we ever got ourselves in a bit of a mess xo

  25. Ooh. I think Im good. Dmitri from Rainy Kaye’s Summoned series – hes a genie hitman mobster. Amie from Gentlemen Prefer Voodoo by Angie Fox – shes a voodoo priestess who summons a zombie boyfriend. And Amy Allan from the tv show The Dead Files. Shes kinda crazy, but hey, at least she can communicate with the dead. snorts

  26. I’ve got Dutch from Killjoys, Lillian from Octavia Butler’s ‘Dawn’, & Sgt. Angua from Terr Pratchett’s Discworld. We’ll have the zombies routed by lunchtime.

  27. Hmm, I may have a chance. John Perry from Old Man’s War, Jane & Vincent from the Glamourist series, and Dr. Walter Bishop frlom Fringe. If we go down, it will certainly be trippy.

  28. If you liked “Fool” you should read the sequel “the Serpent of Venice” by Chris Moore . A mash-up of Merchant of Venice and Othello by Shakespeare and “Cask of Amontillado” by Poe. Really enjoyed that one as well and definitely lots more heinous fuckery most foul. He needs to write another book about Pocket.

  29. A lady who can control metal, hawkeye pierce from mas*h, and a witch doctor from Diablo III. I actually might make it.

  30. Sam and Dean Winchester, Scully and Mulder, and the scientists from “The Andromeda Strain” (book). I think it’s safe to say we’ll make it. 🙂

  31. Milla Jovoich as gun-toting Pippi Longstocking (from the Funny or Die clip Pippi Longstocking Crimson Justice,) Stephen Colbert from the Stephen Colbert video game, and a horny unicorn. Not making any of that up. Just realized I may be weirder than I thought. But I think we can take the zombies.

  32. Also: whatever’s the name of Kevin Costner’s character in The Untouchables and … Winnie the Pooh…
    I’m thinking we throw Nancy at the zombies because she never gets what’s coming to her anyway, and while she confuses the hell out of those zombies Pooh and I make a run for it. Kevin Costner is on his own.

  33. I was looking up Jedi quotes so my three are Obi Wan, Luke and Han Solo. I guess I’d be pretty safe. 🙂

  34. Morgaine from Mists of Avalon , Alison and Cosima from Orphan Black.
    For physical fighting I may be screwed. Alison is pretty handy with a gun.
    Morgaine and Cosima can handle the sciences of poison making.

  35. Theodore Roosevelt, Jethro Gibbs and Annie Oakley. What a group…I am ready!

  36. Buff Summers from Buffy, Tom Mason from Falling Skies, and Elena Michaels from the Women of the Otherworld series. I think im good.

  37. With the Sun God Okami Amaterasu (from Okami… And also Japanese folklore) and Watney from “The Martian” (heir to the title Ultimate MacGuyver) on my side, I’m not sure it matters what the third protagonist is. Which is convenient, because I can’t remember what media came immediately before those two. Could be Pit from Kid Icarus Uprising, which would be great, he’s plucky and determined! I hope it’s not the nameless protagonist from Man in the Empty Suit, he was kind of self-involved.

    I am beginning to worry about what I could possibly contribute to this dream team. I guess I’ll make snacks.

    On the plus side, I have been reading/watching/playing a lot of very positive things lately. Hooray!

  38. Johnny Depp (or would it be Judi Dench?) from Chocolat, Daym Drops, the food titan YouTube reviewer, and Adam J. Holland, from The Unorthodox Epicure: Confessions of an Aspiring Food Snob. If anything I’ll die with a full belly.

  39. If I’m reading this correctly, it’s one from each, right?
    Last thing I read was a graphic novel with Angel as the protagonist.
    Last thing I watched (am still watching) is a Powershares match between Courier and McEnroe, so I’m picking McEnroe, for obvious reasons.
    And the last game I played, well, that’s this game right here, so I get Jenny, too!

    I am totally winning this apocalypse.

  40. Ms Marvel (the new one), Dominique “Mo” O’Brien from the Laundryverse (virtuoso violinist with an intelligent demonic violin made out of human bones) and Section 9 from Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex.

    I don’t think zombies will be my main problem…

  41. I get Sherlock Holmes (Mr. Holmes), “Nucky” Thompson (Boardwalk Empire), and Stalin (Robert Conquest biography of him). That is quite a group, actually, though I’m probably still screwed.

  42. John Bender from Breakfast Club
    Charles Manson
    Juliet from Romeo and Juliet

    It has been nice knowing you all.
    I am so fucked.

  43. The Argeneau vampires, Sheldon from BBT, and the Penguins of Madagascar. I…might actually live.

  44. My team Effin’ ROCKS! Claire Fraser from Outlander (the Fiery Cross, to be specific), Eggsy from Kingsman, and CAPTAIN FREAKIN’ AMERICA. Who’s gonna survive this zombie apocalypse? THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE!

  45. The power rangers, igglepiggle and Dougie. I blame my one year old for my untimely demise.

  46. Oh, I am a bit of a JFK Conspiracy addict (ok, more than a bit) and I used to have nightmares that Lee Harvey Oswald was standing over my bed, watching me sleep. And I just finished Stephen King’s “11/22/63.” So i am really screwed.

  47. Wow, I lucked out. I just watched Supernatural and read Lifehacker. Not sure they’ll be thrilled about me being on their team, though. Imagine I’ll only bring falling and crying to the table.

  48. I am in so much trouble. Two of the three things I’m reading right now feature reasonably pathetic middle-aged men who have effed up their marriages. Thankfully the third is a woman dedicated to doing good in the world… though I don’t know how much that helps against the zombie apocalypse. Probably better write me off as screwed.

  49. The Talmud (I just read “The Talmud: a biography”, so I think it counts)
    The lady with a refrigerator full of dead cats from “Hoarders”
    My mercenary son and I played Sorry.

    I am so, so screwed.

  50. Sending you all the flaming health vibes that be.
    So much fun to read everyone’s posts.
    Frank Underwood, Bill Hodges (Finders Keepers), and Henry VIII. This will be amazing!

  51. Scout, from Go Set A Wtachman, Thomas from Maze Runner, and Keith Michaels (Hugh Grant) from The Rewrite. Keith/ Hugh would be the first to be munched. I’m more badass than he is!

  52. Shirley Jones, Neil Patrick Harris (their autobiographies), and a gay fashion model from a really bad fiction book my boss gave me called Now is the Winter of Our Discotheque. Oh shit, am I screwed.

  53. I watched Never Let Me Go the other night, and am reading Bill Bryson’s Notes from a Big Country. Also watched Rosemary and Thyme. So basically I will either be harvested for organs, be smothered by my own clothing, or be brutally murdered and avenged by gardeners.

  54. Dude, I am set. Heris Serrano and Esmay Suiza from Elizabeth Moon’s Heris Serrano and Serrano Collection compendia, respectively, and Daniel Jackson from Stargate SG1.

  55. A kidnapped slave, a woman traveling across Australia by camel, and Guy Fieri. Less screwed than some, especially if zombies can’t survive in the desert or run faster than camels.

  56. Hmmm, since I’ve been binging old tv shows, my last three are Daniel Graystone (Eric Stoltz) from Caprica, John Constantine, and Admiral Adama from Battlestar Galactica. I think I’m going to be juuuust fine!

  57. The Avengers, the immortal ranger wraith dude from Shadow of Mordor, and Ta-Nahesi Coates. So, um, lots of background characters will be dying, but if I can figure out how to be the comic relief I’ll probably be okay.

  58. Keith Moon (I read Moon by Tony Fletcher). I watched Life of Brian, so I have the Monty Python gang on my side, so we can out joke them, I guess. And I played Angry Birds Star Wars. You know, I think a manic drugged out Keith Moon would take out a whole bunch of zombies and having an Angry Bird backup would totally help. I’m good.

  59. Harry Potter, Blu from RIO, and Maggie Smith from the second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. I like my chances

  60. Shit! I’ve been on a Thomas Hardy kick so Tess from Tess of The D’Ubervilles, the tarantulas from Lavalantula ( I don’t know which is worse: Walkers or tarantulas BUT it could be a good diversion tactic!) The last thing I played was Le Vamp featuring a child vampire who eats pig blood, and has an angry mob chasing him and who was often killed by garlic pigs.
    I think I’m probably on my own! My only chance is to get to my friend Tom who is a pilot, find a plane, fly to Oskaloosa, IA & hide out in The Book Vault.

  61. Hiro from Big Hero 6. John Adams from the HBO miniseries John Adams (played by Paul Giamatti). And a historically altered version of the mid-18th century British Empire I’ve been playing as in the video game Empire: Total War. At least I’ll have an almost endless supply of red shirts that will die instead of me.

  62. I’ve been on a SyFy junk movie binge – so Colton West from Lavalantula, Finn Shepherd from Sharknado, and Kirsten from Stitchers. I think we’ll kick Zombie ass.

  63. Special agent Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks, Jake the Dog & Finn the Human from Adventure Time, and Pearl from Pearl’s Peril. This could go either really, really well or very, very wrong, I think. (also, I’m so glad someone else also put Dale Cooper!)

  64. Wyatt Earp (Tombstone), Chris Knight (Real Genius), and the Avengers (from an MCU fanfic). On the plus side, we have a Hulk. OTOH, Chris Knight and Tony Stark in the same place might cause the world to explode.

  65. Thursday Next, Jim Gaffigan, and that guy who is determined to build that damned railroad on Hell on Wheels.

  66. Harry Potter, Scott from Teen Wolf, and Artemis Fowl. I think I made a dream team on accident.

  67. Sabriel and Touchstone and Mogget from the Garth Nix Abhorsen series. And Imogene from The Blue Girl by Charles de Lint. And Jim Pike from Night of the Living Trekkies. I’ve got this one in the bag, considering I am a very good shot and keep a machete in my pillowcase, a gun in my bedside table, and two police nightsticks and a 4 cell Maglight by my mattress. Magic, kick-ass heroes and heroines, and lots of weapons.

  68. My team would be Junior from Problem Child, Norman Bates from Bates Motel and Elsa Mars from American Horror Story. I think I’m gonna be safe, don’t you? Awesome idea this! Cheers

  69. Stephanie Plum, The Incredible Doctor Pol and Battle Bots. I’m safe on soooooo many levels. LMAO

  70. And I want those dishes. Dammit, why do cool things have to be so expensive? And the last movie I watched was Mad Max Fury Road. Sometimes being me is awesome.

  71. Well, I just watched two eps of Criminal Minds, so I’d say I’m set!

    (Also, I totally thought of you when I saw that squirrel story on the BBC website)

    Get well soon!

  72. Michael Westin from burn Notice (good) and Castiel, & Sam and Dean Winchester (which, since it was porn… Would be good if they could just stop fucking, but Damn, what a way to go!)

  73. Mamrie Hart, NYT bestselling author & YouTube creator of You Deserve a Drink; Sarah Weichel, digital media manager; & Lilly Singh– iiSuperwomanii, YouTube mega-star & inspirational personality. I think Mamrie said she’d just give up, but I think Swike & Lilly would kick some zombie carcass so maybe I have a chance? (and I don’t think Mamrie would really give up if her peeps were in danger) Thanks for the Gemma Correll rec; it looks like a great book.

  74. Wow. Our teams are almost the same. The only difference is that instead of Pocket, I got Jack Torrance from The Shining, so I might make it for awhile — especially with Zombeavers on my side. Though, honestly, I’m not sure if having zombified animals on the team is a good thing, or if I’d end up dead sooner because they’d constantly be trying to eat me so then I’d not only have to look out for and kill actual zombies, but I’d also be kicking the shit out of my own teammates.

    Either way, that movie was stupidly hilarious. I’m glad that I’m not the only one that’s watched it.

  75. I watched Wild Kratts, Dog Tails, and Pets.TV, so my team is made up of the Kratt brothers, a Border Collie and a Bichon Frise.

  76. Fool is so good!

    Lucky for me, my 3 are Harry Potter, from the last movie, when he was a badass, the narrator from World War Z, and Patrick Rothfuss.

  77. Sheriff Longmire, the Doctor (from A Young Doctor’s Notebook), and Jason Bourne. The odds are definitely in my favor. Until the Doctor falls into a morphine induced haze and Longmire gets himself killed doing something heroic. But still, Jason Bourne and I should make it.

  78. Max Rockatansky, Bear Grylls, and the cast of Police Academy as they fight Lavalantulas. I am SET.

    Also, my phone recognizes “lavalantula.” It’s like my phone has finally accepted me.

  79. Last three things I read were the TV listings, my to-do list, and the Rite Aid weekly flyer. I don’t know what this says about my zombie team, but if I buy two packs of Chewy Spree I get the third one free.

  80. Let’s see: I got the Vampire Lestat, Daryl Dixon, and Dorothy Zbornak (from The Golden Girls). I think we’ll be ok.

  81. Paul Chowder from The Anthologist, Jon Taffer from Bar Rescue, and Bilbo Baggins from Hobbit the Third: The Quest For More Money. So, I might be all right. Jon Taffer is used to confrontation, Bilbo Baggins has a magic ring and is quite hardy, and Paul Chowder will wax poetic with keen observations. Could be worse.

  82. I’m in great shape because the last three things I read were “Sorcerer’s Stone,” “Chamber of Secrets.” and “Prisoner of Azkaban.” 🙂

  83. A magic wielding knight from a David Eddings novel (Sparhawk), Agent Gibbs (NCIS), Sydney Bristow (Alias).

    Honestly I think I’d be fine.

  84. Jim Gaffigan (Dad is Fat), Duff Goldman (Ace of Cakes, my son’s new favorite show), and Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes).

    It was nice knowing you all.

  85. Paul Chowder from The Anthologist, Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit 3: The Quest For More Money, and the 3DS Streepass mini games. So, I should be all right. I’ve a virtual army of Miis at my disposal, Bilbo has a magic ring is used to hopeless quests and grave dangers, and an author who will wax poetic about our situation and keep us entertaining by expounding on the minutiae of our situation.

  86. HA! I have been rereading the Guards series by Terry Pratchett so I get Commander Vimes ( a totally badass), Captain Carrot (who can get anyone to get along)and Angua (a werewolf). OF course they have a zombie colleague so that might slow them down

  87. Ooh, the last thing I watched was Torchwood. I’m not even going to worry about the other two. I get to spend the zombie apocalypse with John Barrowman!

  88. Read: A 1500 year old vampire and a witch with uncontrollable powers (“A Discovery of Witches”)
    Watched: Channing Tatum (Magic Mike)
    Played: Texas (Texas hold’em.) So that means I get all of Texas, right?

    I think that gives me pretty much the best team ever.

    Because Channing Tatum.

  89. Wait, if the last three things I watched / read were Game of Thrones, House of Cards, and Orange is the New Black, how do I answer since I have no real protagonists anywhere?

  90. Claire and Jamie from Outlander
    Amy Poehler
    Jenny Lawson

    I might be fucked, but I’ll be around at least 2 people who understand my anxiety disorder, 2 people to make me laugh, a medic, and a hot Scotsman with a sense of chivalry.

  91. Garrett from Glen Cook’s “Cold Copper Tears”
    Dr. Brennan from “Bones”
    Not sure if Pottermore counts as a game? If so, Harry Potter! If not, the crew from LEGO Jurassic World

    It could be much MUCH worse.

  92. Garrett from Glen Cook’s “Cold Copper Tears”
    Dr. Brennan and/or Booth from “Bones”
    Harry Potter if Pottermore counts as a game, the crew from LEGO Hobbit if it doesn’t

    It could certainly be worse!

  93. I think I am OK because I have been binge watching the David Tenant years of Doctor Who on netflix, so… yeah. I am gonna be just fine!

  94. I’ve been with my Mom who has dementia and watching Harrison Ford movies helps distract her from constant confusion and agitation. So I’ve got Jack Ryan, a Marine and CIA agent, Richard Kimble, MD, a surgeon, and John Book, Philadelphia Homicide Detective. I’m optimistic.

  95. Read: Alice in Wonderland–so Alice, or maybe the cheshire cat? But do you want someone who can disappear and leave you to the zombies on your side?
    Watched: Call the Midwife–one of those badass nun midwives, obviously.
    Played? As in, music or games? I played some mozart on the piano recently–can I get the zombie version of Mr. Mozart on my side? Because it seems like if you could get double agent zombie, you know, on the side of the living, that might be useful–they could lead the others in the wrong direction so you could escape.

  96. I lucked into having Katniss Everdeen, the characters from Independence Day, and the Winchester brothers (and Castiel, Angel of the Lord) from Supernatural. I’ll be okay. (…even if the Winchesters die, they’ll probably come back. Which might screw me over in the long run, if they come back soulless or as demons…)

  97. I’ve got Nurse Lee from Call the Midwife, Dr Hank Lawson from Royal Pains and a fat vampire. Guess I’ve got a good team 😉

  98. Hiro Protagonist from Neal Stephenson’s “Snow Crash”, but other than that, I’ve been watching old figure skating videos, so, Sarah Hughes and Kimmie Meissner?

  99. I’d have Shadow from American Gods, Ava from Ex Machina, and Tris from Insurgent. Survival, motherfuckers, I’m owning it…

  100. Don “Wardaddy” Collier from “Fury,” Libby Day from Gillian Flynn’s “Dark Places,” and Ginger Rogers. I just hope Brad Pitt shows me where the escape hatch is before he is finally overwhelmed.

  101. Mine are the girls from Pretty Little Liars,Esther from the Bell Jar, and Mel Gibson in Mad Max. I think I’m set, but Esther is definitely gonna be first to get eaten.

  102. Considering the I’m watching Harry Potter right now and the last thing I played was Lego Marvel Super Heroes, and Shadow from American Gods. I think I’m doing pretty well.

  103. I’m reading The Wheel of Time (book 7), and just finished a Wolverine comic book, and play Dragon Age: Inquisition. I feel pretty darn safe.
    Also, I have walking pneumonia, which felt quite a bit like the plague at the beginning. Especially since I drove from TX to VA while hacking up my lungs. After a month, I finally feel better, but still not normal. Hope you have walking pneumonia rather than the plague.

  104. As above, I’m counting you because I just read your post. Also, Julia Child and Avis Devoto because I’m currently reading “As Always, Julia”. I think that not only will we be OK but I also think that much zombie butt would be kicked and we’d always eat really well.

  105. Lord John Grey from the Outlander series and Sam and Dean Winchester from Supernatural.

    Suck it zombies.

  106. Tour de France (Chris Froome), Inside Out (Joy), and Orson Scott Card’s Speaker for the Dead (End). Overall, I think I’m good.

  107. Liz Lemon — “blergh!” She’ll keep us laughing.
    Harry Bosch — super cop and carries a gun, so that’ll come in handy.
    Tyrion Lannister — hus sarcastic wit is pretty cutting (take that zombie!), and pretty good with an ax.
    On the whole, I think we’ll do okay. And if needed, we can all outrun Liz.

  108. My last three were Charles Osgood of CBS Sunday morning, the cast of Twlight (final movie) and Cherie Priest characters in Strampunk novel characters, already fighting zombies! I might make it!

  109. Anita Blake, Bruce Willis, Anita Blake.

    I think I’ve got a good chance. I mean, Anita Blake kills vampires, lycanthropes, and is a necromancer. She can control all their zombie asses.

  110. Claire Fraser from Outlander (but she’s married to Jamie who is a Scottish warrior, so he’ll be on my team, too), the Property brothers, Drew and Jonathan Scott. Zombies don’t stand a chance against a real estate agent, a construction guy, and a Scottish warrior. I’m not worried.

  111. Disgusting but effective natural remedy for sore throat. Take a fat slice of white onion and boil it in a half a cup of water until the onion pieces turn translucent. Turn off the heat and pick out the onion pieces and then pour in at least a tablespoon or two of salt. Stir until salt is dissolved. Let cool until you can gargle with the mixture. This taste really disgusting but I swear the second it hits the back of your throat it will stop hurting. This is one of those cures that you have to decide how sick you are really because the cure is as bad as the disease. Good luck and hope you feel better soon.

  112. Geralt from The Witcher franchise. He kills monsters for a living. Zombies shouldn’t be a problem.

    John Connor from The Terminator franchise. He survives a nuclear war and leads the remains of humanity to victory against a world filled with laser-shooting nearly indestructible robots. An world filled with mindless zombies shouldn’t be a problem.

    Em from Scott Sigler’s new book Alive. Don’t know much about her yet (just started the book), but considering it’s a Scott Sigler female protagonist, she likely is a bad ass.

    I think I’m in good shape!

  113. Piper from OITNB (the book, not the show), DCI Barnaby from Midsomer Murders, and Alison Bechdel from Fun Home. I’d say we have a somewhat decent chance.

  114. I’m actually in pretty good shape, because I’ve got Captain America, Doctor Who, and Detective Bill Hodges (Finders Keepers – Stephen King) on my side! Yay! I’m currently the reason the zombies will win.

  115. Sophie Foster from Shannon Messenger’s “Keeper of the Lost Cities”–a twelve year old elf who is telepathic, an instinctive polyglot, and has a photographic memory, the powers of telekinesis and teleportation, and can inflict pain on others through her telepathy. I’m a children’s librarian. Figured I should explain that.

    The Witch (Meryl Streep)/The Baker (James Cordon)/The Baker’s Wife (Emily Blunt)/Cinderella (Anna Kendrick)/Jack (Daniel Huttlestone)/Red Riding Hood (Lilla Crawford) from “Into the Woods.”

    Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) from Jurassic World.

    My zombie apocalypse team is beautiful, talented, and WILL DESTROY THEM ALL.

  116. I’m pretty good:

    Captain Janeway from Star Trek Voyager (YAAAASSSS QUEEEN!)
    Colin Firth’s character from Kingsman (super spy!)
    …Aziz Ansari (Modern Romance)

    So, 2 badasses and a short comedian. He can just lighten the mood, but between Janeway and a spy I think I’m covered!

  117. A transhumanist soldier from 2065, the Russian spies from The Americans, and… the Black Death? (from a video game). I think I’d do alright.

  118. Sebastian Vettel (Formula 1 race winner), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and young Jack Ryan. I think we’ll survive quite nicely. I think a facial, full massage and mani/pedi will cure your plague. Or at least make you feel better about it.

  119. The Bloggess, Moirin from Jacqueline Carey’s third Terre D’Ange trilogy, and Bo from Lost Girl. I have a kick ass chick team.

  120. I just finished 2 pretty good YA novels about zombies and watched part of an episode of Fantasy Island, so I think I’m good! (Rot and Ruin, Books 1 and 2, by Jonathan Maberry; the most thought-provoking zombies books I’ve read yet)

  121. I just read Dead Until Dark. Sookie is badass – she knows how to fight vampires AND vampire drainers. I’m not counting Zombeavers, I tried to watch it, only made it about 20 minutes. Watched Snowpiercer instead. Curtis Everett (Chris Evans) was badass, he’ll be a great asset. Last thing I played was Words (Free) – so, uh, two badasses and some high points words. Guess I might do okay.

  122. I get Thor (old-school, non-Avenger type), Bruce Campbell’s Ash from Army of Darkness… and Caillou.

    I think we’ll make it, and learn a lot about life along the way.

  123. Well you’re on my team for sure. I suffer from CRS so I don’t know who the other two members of my team are. Oh wait– I watched the beginning of CBS’s “Sundy This Morning” today. So I guess Charles Osgood is on my team. Woot!

    Loved the dishes. They will coordinate nicely with the decorative pillows that you wrote about months ago. You know, the ones with the subtle penis pattern. Let’s slowly drive Aunt Mildred crazy as she tries to figure out if what she’s seeing is what she thinks she’s seeing…

  124. I’m screwed: I just read three “Pearls Before Swine” collections, so I’ve got Rat, Rat, and Rat.
    If I could have Guard Duck and Mr. Cuddles, I might stand a chance. Or if I had three of the crocs, they might buy me enough time to escape.

    Nope. I’m screwed.

  125. Oh dear. Elliot from Mr. Robot, Morty from Rick and Morty, and are there actually any protagonists in True Detective? If so, I’m taking Paul because he’s a soldier and good in a fire fight. Basically, I’m boned.

  126. I WIN! Scully, Mulder, and a duke turned pirate from an Eloisa James novel!!!

  127. Pegasus, the clone club from Orphan Black, and a vixen—the animal, that is. Those babies are Fierce. And Pegasus is the son of Medusa so he’s got ancestry going for him, not to mention the whole flying horse aspect, plus being a god and all. If all else failed, I’d put Helena up against an army of zombies any day. Woohoo, I do believe I hit the anti–zombie apocalypse team trifecta.

  128. Joy from Inside Out, Jean Louise Finch (disappointing book but still a great heroine), and Maximus from Gladiator. I always figured I’d be toast in the zombie apocalypse, but that’s a hella good team.

    Sorry about the plague. Get better soon.

  129. Louis Theroux, Jean-Louise Finch and The Bloggess. I think I’ll come up winning!!

  130. I’ve Claire & Jamie Fraser, Mr. Darcy, and Sam Witwicky (Transformers). Not quite sure how that’ll do me. I’m laying odds though, because Jamie is a beast, and Sam Witwicky can call the Autobots for me.

  131. Leroy Jethro Gibbs (NCIS), Dave Barry (the writer), Parker (from Leverage). I…I think I’m good. Dave Barry is hosed though…

  132. OK so I have Don Wildman from Mysteries at the Museum, which is actually an awesome person to have on my team. Not only does he know where we can find cool and useful stuff at museums but he also hosted Cities of the Underworld so he knows some excellent hiding spots. I also have the gang from Ann Charles’ Deadwood series. Coop and Harvey sure know their way around guns. Oh, and my kittens. I’m not sure if they would help or hurt my efforts to survive. >^..^< >^..^<

  133. Ooo, I forgot. I also watched Star Trek The Next Generation last night. I have phasers and the Enterprise. Bye-bye zombies!! Transporter room, one to beam up.

  134. Does fanfiction count? If so, the last three stories I read were all Smallville fanfiction, meaning that the protagonist was Superman at varying ages, so I think I’m okay. If it’s only pro fic, then, since I’m reading a lot of kidlit right now, my protagonists are a teenaged girl who can fix machines with magic (good), a teenaged girl who has the power to fix brains with her mind (also good), and a teenaged girl from Norway in the 1850s who is smart and resourceful but who also is a thief (that could go either way).

  135. Nancy from Nightmare on Elm St, Drunken Cat from Come Drink With Me, and Doctor Who – BRING IT!!!

  136. Redrick the stalker from Roadside Picnic (if you haven’t read it, DO! ), the hero from Sharknado 3, and Con Air Nicholas Cage. I am SO surviving this apocalypse! Hell yes!

  137. So, my team would be Anita Blake; vampire hunter/necromancer, Meredith Grey; doctor, and a fairy named Holly who basically makes plants grow. Looks like I’m in good shape.

  138. Let’s see. Russel Hanse from Survivor, Arya Stark A storm of Swords and Dave Barry. Should be interesting.

  139. I’ve got a pretty intense team. The last thing I read was NCIS fanfiction with three equally strong protagonists and the last thing I watched was Supernatural with Sam & Dean. My game buddy is.. not so useful. Her name is Coral, she’s adorable and looks vaguely like a pinkish-purple seal thing from the iPhone game “Nibblers”. Pretty sure she’ll die first, but I expect the rest of them will keep me pretty safe. 😀

  140. (1) You, apparently … because I just read this. I’m actually kind of excited about your membership, particularly with all of the research you’ve done on the topic. My guess is you have some hidden skill-sets. Plus you’d back me up when I went around telling everyone “I told you so.” (2) Cameron from Modern Family: a flamboyant bad ass. Winning combination. Stoked. (3) The last game I played was “Candy Land.” I nixed Princess Lolly because I could only use her once for Zombie bait, and then she’d be dead, and she’d probably come back to avenge her death because she was a princess and we were supposed to take care of her. I ended up choosing Gloppy of The Molasses Swap. He could drown the zombies in his liquid torso. We could also sweeten our coffee with him and pour him on our pancakes. This will keep our spirits up.

  141. The Fairly Oddparents (Wanda and her magic wand could be helpful, Cosmo will at least be entertaining)
    Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? (they’ve kicked the shit out of a lot of zombies, plus there are always snacks)
    Harry Potter (okay technically it was a fanfiction, but it’s still Harry. He and Wanda can tag-team the magic wands, and he knows how to defeat inferi, which are HP-universe zombies, right?)

    I’m totally gonna live. Which, quite frankly, is disappointing because I have no desire to survive the zombie apocalypse, or a natural disaster, or a complete government breakdown. My disaster preparedness plan is to be the first to die. I’m too lazy to rebuild society.

  142. Piper from Orange Is The New Black, Sterling Archer from Archer, and Louie from Interview With The Vampire. Hmmm, it would be interesting, but I think I’d be either vampire food or zombie food.

  143. So,not sure if I’m ok or not as I was watching Homeland series 4. If I can have the characters rather than the actors for my team I should stand a fighting chance. Was also listening to Amy Winehouse and reading a Roxanne Gay book. Not all at the same time. Hoping to survive …actually the last thing was your blog so feeling optimistic now.

  144. Since I just finished binge-watching LOST, and everyone is dead, I’m guessing I am totally fucked, especially because I’m re-reading “Lamb” and Biff would be no help at all. My only hope is that I discover I’m a sensate and my other 7 will be able to kick ass for me.

  145. A kick-ass serial-killer-hunter FBI agent called Smoky Barrat from “The Darker Side”, Sam & Dean Winchester & the cheese thing from the board-game Trivial Pursuit (because I don’t play online games very often… at all… ever…).
    Totally got this 😀
    P.S. The cheese-wheel-thing represents knowledge in that game so that totally means we have superhuman genius right?
    P.P.S. also – silently thanks our God Netflix for allowing my binge-watching of Supernatural last night

  146. I’m on a documentary binge, so does that mean I get Werner Herzog, Svante Paabo, and John Hurt? Cool, but oh so weird!

  147. I just read World War Z, so I am in incredibly good shape. Woohoo! Those last few nights of zombie nightmares were worth it! A leader of a multigenerational starship and a bunch of disaffected housewives from Lorrie Moore round out my team.

  148. Oh dear god, mine are Bridget Jones, Mama June and Tyrion Lannister, and there’s no reasoning with zombies (Sorry Tyrion).

    There is no hope for me, please just make it quick.

  149. Found this at a great time!
    here is my list:
    1) FBI Special Agent Sarah Ashburn (Sandra Bullock) and Boston Detective Shannon Mullins (Melissa McCarthy)
    2) Constable and apprentice wizard, Peter Grant from “Moon Over Soho” by Ben Aaronovitch
    3) Maggie Graham, werewolf from “The Art of Seducing a Naked Werewolf” by Molly Harper
    I’m feeling in pretty good shape here.

  150. I so seriously love this. I’m kicking with Amelia Peabody (from the book series by Elizabeth Peters), Maleficent, and Nia Vardalos from “My BIg Fat Greek Wedding”.

  151. Dude, Leslie would be AWESOME in the apocalypse. She’d built a great bunker and hand-craft board games to keep you entertained.

    I would have Josh Lyman from The West Wing, Steven Universe, and Jean Luc Picard.

  152. Read: Let’s Just Pretend This Never Happened…so…you..
    Watched: Law and Order: SVU…Gonna pick Olivia Benson for that one.
    Played: World of Warcraft. I am so owning the apocalypse.

    I look forward to your company in the slaying of the undead.

  153. Wow, I am set.
    I went to see Trainwreck yesterday, so I’ve got a comedian to lighten things up, and more importantly, a doctor. Score! Then I watched Archer last night, so I’ve got some bad spies in my corner. And this morning I saw Ant Man, so I’ve got a scientist, a few con men, and Ant Man on my team. I think we’ll do okay!

    On further thought, I’m the weak link, so not sure why they wouldn’t consider me zombie food…

  154. I think I’m in pretty good shape. I’ve got Sharon Raydor and Brenda Lee Johnson — both crack shots and not women to mess with. (With which to mess??) I’ve Shaun from Shaun of the Dead. He’s gotta have some skills at this point. And I have Sam Vines from the Discworld series. It’s just a shame I haven’t watched TWD recently…

  155. Walter White from Breaking Bad, David Sedaris, and Rumpole the Barrister. Two out of three ain’t bad.

  156. My team would be: Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman from Mythbusters, Star Butterfly and Marco Diaz from Star vs the Forces of Evil, and the Autobot gang from Robots in Disguise (2015 cartoon). Yeah, I think I’m going to be okay.

  157. Walter White, Harry Potter, Dawn French as the Vicar of Dibley…could be worse.

  158. Daniel Plainview “There Will Be Blood”
    Adnan Syed “Serial”
    Louis Bloom “Nightcrawler”

    I may just go it alone and take my chances with the zombies.

  159. Cheryl Strayed, Ross Poldark, and Jesus Christ — I have no fear~

  160. Well, been binge watching Stargate SG-1 for the last month, so I’ve got the members of SG-1,(do all four count as one cause you know a team?), and Gram and Betts Winston from the Gram’s Country Cooking School mystery series, and a golf reporter from the NYT, since he was writing about The Old Course in St Andrews, which isn’t really a protagonist but a locale. So hmm, not bad. I’d survive, but get wounded.

  161. My team:
    Oliver Queen from Arrow;
    Barry Allen from The Flash;
    and Scott Lang from Ant-Man.
    As far as the Zombie Apocalypse is concerned, I’m in good shape. However, it does appear that I currently have the same taste in entertainment as a 14 year old boy. I’m a 50 year old mom of two, but have been stress-binge-watching a lot lately. I guess now I know the age of my mental state these days.

  162. Score! I’m good since I watched Kingsman and Big Hero 6, and I can just throw the gal from Orange Is the New Black to the zombies! Everybody wins!

  163. Peter Falk as Lt. Columbo, Paul Newman as Ben Quick in The Long Hot Summer, and YOU (LPTNH). We’re royally screwed — 2/3 of my zombie apocalypse team ARE zombies! Dammit.

  164. Merideth Grey from Grey’s Anatomy, Harry Potter, and Gibbs from NCIS. I think I might be set! A wizard, a doctor, and a kick-ass detective!

  165. dude I just started reading Fool!!!! Been a follower for years now. Can’t wait to read the new book 🙂

  166. Benny Cumberbatch from The Imitation Game (and all the hours of him on you tube I went through afterwards) and John Bannerman and Burn Gorman from Torchwood. I THINK I’LL BE OKAY.

  167. Daenerys Targaryen and Jorah Mormont, and Tommy Pickles from Rugrats. Hmmm, I wonder if the dragons count? 🙂

  168. My team? A socially awkward farmer with a Jesus cow, a love-struck frontier girl with some serious cajones, and Dr. McDougall, the guy who eats way too much starch. Oh, FYI (in case you’re tracking this sort of thing), the squirrels in my neighborhood are health nuts. They eat the tomatoes, oranges, and figs. Yawn.

  169. Monty Python (the whole team), Kevin Macleod from BBC Grand Designs, and John Maclane of Die Hard. John will look after all of us while saving the Earth, we’ll be fine.

  170. I got Sam and Dean Winchester and Castiel from Supernatural, I got the Scoobygang from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I got the Chosen one from Dominion. Those zombies don’t have a chance…

  171. I am SO covered:
    James Stark. (From the Sandman Slim books by Richard Kadrey. If you like badassery and noir, read this now. You won’t be sorry.)
    Ed and Al Elric. (I don’t know if I can talk to you if I need to tell you who they are.)
    And Harold, Chester, and Howie. (From the Bunnicula books. Read these, too.)

    Bring it on, zombies. Bring it on.

    P. S. I’m really glad they didn’t say the last four things, otherwise I’d have to include Piper Chapman, and I think she’d really mess up the dynamic I’ve got going on with this team.

  172. I have Harry Potter, Blue Sargent (from a book, she enhances psychic powers) and an anthology full of bloggers with mental illness who kick ass. You should come with me because I am totally covered and it will be a wild ride.

  173. John Luther from BBC’s “Luther”
    Gabriel Allon main character in Daniel Silva books
    Frankie & Grace from Amazon original series of same name

  174. Mine are The Doctor (& lots of companions), Rachel from The Girl on the Train, and Catherine Morland from Northanger Abbey. The Doctor is going to have to carry the team here.

    I bet Leslie would probably survive the apocalypse. She’s feisty and smart- I’d take it.

  175. I’ve got Jack Reacher; my level-27 female, human, warrior inquisitor from Dragon Age: Inquisition; and Dennis Finch, Nina Van Horn, Elliot DiMauro, and Jack & Maya Gallo. Brawn and jocularity. Whose winning the apocalypse now, zombies?

  176. Holy crap! I’d be super safe! Michael Scofield from Prison Break (who is not only crafty, but hot), Kirsten from “Station Eleven” (a book about surviving in a post-apocolyptic/post-plauge world, and BTW, she likes throwing knives); and Trez/iAm from “The Shadows” (newest book in Blackdagger brotherhood series, so you know they’re all vampirey and totally bad ass). So, yeah, I’d completely we the weak link, but at least I’d have a kickass team to protect me!

  177. Julia Shumway from “Under the Dome”, Emma Duvall from the “Scream” series, and Jackson Oz from “Zoo” The most average zombie survival team ever….

  178. Ben Smith, the Fittest Man on Earth and winner of the 2015 Crossfit Games; Quentin Coldwater, magician; Ron Swanson, Manliest Man on Earth, Parks and Recreation.

  179. Bart the Sheriff from “Blazing Saddles”, Mel Funn from “Silent Movie” and Hawkeye from “MAS*H. Sounds like a winning team to me! 🙂

  180. Oh great, the last thing I watch before reading this just had to be that new show “HUMANS” with the most messed up characters of any show I’ve watched in a while. And then I read a little bit of a Billy Connolly biography and a book about dealing with life after cancer. So, hey, part of my team is Billy Connolly and people who beat cancer, so, yeah!

  181. I’m totally going to survive AND have a great time.

    I have:

    The Grim Reaper…aka Charley Davidson from the book Third Grave Dead Ahead by Daryda Jones.
    Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter from the series by Laurell K. Hamilton.
    Amy Schumer

    This is going to be the best zombie apocalypse EVER!

  182. Bill Hodges from Stephen King’s Finders Keepers, Wesley Snipes from a baaaaaaaaddddd SyFy movie called Gallowwalkers and one of my cats because we were playing with the laser light. May be screwed. I don’t think even Wesley Snipes can help.

  183. Let’s see…Starbuck & Colonel Tigh from Battlestar Galactica (yeah, I missed out the first time so I’m binging on all 4 seasons on DVD), Claire and Jaime Fraser from Outlander (strong woman and gorgeous Highlander), and the Bloggess. Go Team Tammy!!

  184. Hmmm…letsee…Harry Potter…that’s a good one on my side, all that great wand work and all. Rob Dyrdek (Ridiculousness) and Tom Bergeron (AFV) well…At least we’ll die laughing a stupid videos.

  185. I’d do ok. The last book I read (well, tried to. I gave up 1/4 of the way through.) was about a pandemic from the perspective of a disaster prepper. So he’d totally have my back. Earlier yesterday I was watching “Casino Royale”, so Daniel Craig/Bond would be pretty good. But I would be totally screwed with any of the main characters from “Halt and Catch Fire.” Seriously, with the exception of Donna, none of those people would be good in a crisis that doesn’t involve fixing a computer and I don’t think Donna’s up for zombies right now.

  186. Technically you’re that last thing I read, so I really need you to get better soon just in case. Hillary Swank in You’re not you, not helpful and a Demon killer bad ass in Doomsday. So it’s all up to you and the demon killer. Let’s get going.

  187. Well, Penryn from the Penryn and the End of Days series by Susan Ee; Hannibal Lecter from Hannibal; Molly from Extant.

    Penryn can fight and is actually in an apocalypse situation! (With angels, though, not zombies.) I fear Hannibal would kill me before he’d work on killing zombies. Especially because I don’t see him wanting to eat zombies any time soon. He’s also going to try to eat the rest of my party. Molly relies primarily on her smarts to get her through things, and she’s smarter than zombies. (But not smarter than Hannibal, I don’t think.)

    So really, if Penryn, Molly, and I manage to kill Hannibal, we might have a chance. But Hannibal has shown himself to be hard to kill. So we’re probably screwed.

  188. My Team:
    Morgaine of the Fairies
    Austin Powers
    James Bond

    I think I might have a chance for a minute or two.

  189. Amazing, I’m going to win this zombit Apocolypse. I’ve got Buffy on my side, she’s taken on way worse than zombies. Harry Potter, he’s taken on inferi. AND a zombie herself, Melanie, from The Girl with all the Gifts, in her world, she helped the humans she loved through their very own zombie apocalypse! I’ve got this thing on lock!!!!!

  190. Jenny, all fun and games aside, ya’ll need to have your house inspected for black mold. I think your house is making your whole family sick (and it will FUCK UP Hailey). Please? Do it. I’m sending this to you outside of comments as well… this is serious shit.

  191. Pierce Brosnan, the assassin in “The Matador”; Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner’s infamous former girlfriend; and, Jimmy Carter. Pierce and Holly will probably keep each other so busy that neither will even notice the zombies. That leaves me and Jimmy.

  192. Cheryl Strayed from Wild, 13 year old John Connor from Terminator 2 and Alice from Alice the Madness Returns. I think John Connor will be whining about all the killing but with Alice and her myriad of weapons plus Cheryl’s survival skills I think we’ll survive.

  193. geez, proving once again I’m a jar of Mr. Planter’s here. >.< Maybe honey-roasted, on a good day. ;P
    Last thing read: this post, so I claim you, Jenny. (may be the only thing I’ve going for me) ;D
    Last thing watched: a couple videos on YouTube – Better Man (made me weep like a baby) and Teens React to iiSuperwomanii (made me laugh again…but then, Miss Singh usually does sings her opening theme song)

  194. lol …well Kaitlyn from the Bachelorette, so that’s a fail.
    Kiera from Continuum, so I am probably a contender, and
    Nancy from Weeds, but she died in the season finale, so, she won’t be much help.
    Still, Kiera, who is a bad-ass protector from 2077 – I might have a chance.

  195. I know, I know – that was the cliff hanger at the end of season 7 (where I am) so I may be wrong, in which case, Nancy can totally kick Zombie butt.

  196. I’m reading one of those “Florida Fluff” books where everyone in it is an idiot so as far as those guys for teammates I’m screwed, but at least will be entertained. Before that I watched Hannibal so I’m definitely ending up eaten.

  197. I just might survive. Capt. Chambers from The Last Ship, Stonebridge and Damien from StrikeBack (well that’s two but they’re a team) and Vincent from Beauty and the Beast. As you may have guessed, my TV watching is rated on a male hotness quotient.

  198. Uh…I think I might have better chances with the zombies than my team! Dr. Ephraim Goodweather (The Strain Trilogy – book), Norman Bates (Bates Motel – TV show), Lou Bloom (Nightcrawler – movie).

  199. Let’s see…. Sterling Archer, Frodo, and whoever the protagonist is in the Lego Marvel franchise. I think having Archer on my team would be a good thing, if the other two weren’t a Hobbit and bits of plastic stuck together.

  200. I think I’ll survive. I’ve got Cpt. Chambers from the Last Ship, Stonebridge and Damien from StrikeBack (I know it’s two guys, but they’re a team) and Vincent from Beauty and the Beast. My TV criteria is 1. must be hot, 2. must kick ass

  201. Anne of Green Gables, Mickey Mouse, and Dr. Laura Markham, child psychologist. Dr. Laura may prove to be a wild card.

  202. i might be in okay shape against zombies; i’ve been binge-watching ‘the wire,’ and i’d want omar to have my back. as for novel characters, well, there i’m screwed and i don’t play any games. what i really want to say is “THANK YOU!!!!” for the post mentioning the incredible plates …. one style is FLYING MONKEYS!!! (my personal heroes, though they were merely flying pawns). i can’t wait to order a set of four designs from this guy- thanksgiving is going to be a whole lot more fun! and i think the price is worth it!!

  203. Oh I am SO having zombies for dinner!!

    Detective Murdoch (from Murdoch mysteries) who totally has the ‘post-apocalypse we’re back to 19th century tech’ science nailed down, Col. Jack O’Neil from Stargate SG-1, and Peter Petrelli from Heros.

  204. (1) Ephriam Goodweather from The Strain (and his hairpiece)…or is Abraham really the protagonist of that show? I’d rather Abraham, if I get a choice. (2) Commander Tom Chandler from The Last Ship, and (3) Daredevil. I’m feeling extremely optimistic.

  205. Hercule Poirot – just finished reading an Agatha Christie
    Jessica Fletcher – caught an episode of Murder She Wrote
    Owen Grady – from the Jurassic World Lego video game

    So…I’m pretty screwed. But I’ll know EXACTLY ‘whodunit’!

  206. I told my husband about this and said my list was Obama, Oliver Cromwell, and Hitler. His response was, “I think you’re gonna be okay.”

  207. Well, lucky for me I’m re-reading some lady porn with bad-ass killer vampires so I’m already in good shape with Whrath on my side. But then I also watched a terrible movie with Hillary Duff as a modern Cinderella so she won’t be a ton of help. The last is confusing because it was an episode of “Who Do You Think You Are” with Gennifer Goodwin so I guess she would be along for the ride? Whrath has his hands full.

  208. Not at all. Harry Dresden (The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher), Charlie Davidson (Grim Reaper from Eighth Grave After Dark by Darynda Jones), and Maggie Graham (Werewolf from The Art of Seducing a Naked Werewolf by Molly Harper) .

  209. Danny Zuko, Sandy and Julia and Allan and Stephan Parker from the Novel Germ by Robert Liparulo. I’m all set. Pretty faces to push in from of me, a doctor, a pastor and a Federal Agent. (I’m actually slightly excited).

  210. Gillian Anderson (if you are not watching The Fall, get on it!), Mark Watney from ‘The Martian’ and Key & Peele. I think I’ll be okay. K&P might have to be bait/distraction, but they did do a hilarious zombie skit last season so at least they have experience. If I had to hand pick I don’t think I could do better than Scully/Stella and a can-fix-anything astronaut.

  211. Nathan Drake from Uncharted, Dr. Hank Lawson from Royal Pains, and Elena Michaels from Bitten. I think I’ll actually survive just fine with a team like that!

  212. Walt Longmire, Dmitri a hot Dom from a naughty story, and Ree Drummond from the Pioneer Woman. I’d probably be ok.

  213. I’m in pretty good shape – Phil Coulson (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., never gets a rip in HIS suit!), Oliver Queen (the Arrow, could be a cold-blooded killer, usually is an angst-ridden defender) and Seeley Booth, all-round good-guy, good-looking, and good with a gun. Woohoo!

  214. John Candy’s Uncle Buck, Amy from The Passage (a zombie apocalypse novel that I happened to be in the middle of, and since there isn’t just one protagonist, I’m picking the one with zombie-mind-reading powers), and Jason Bateman from Horrible Bosses 2. I’d say I have a fighting chance because of Amy.

  215. Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries, Rachel Caine from the Hollows book series, and this blog, so you, Jenny! I think I’m good.

  216. Hannibal Lector, Jean Louise Finch, and Mario from Mario Kart.

    I’m ok until Hannibal runs out of Scout and Mario munchies. Then I’m screwed.

  217. The Royal Family of Monaco, Dead Bobbi Kristina Brown, and Donald Trump. How screwed am I?????

  218. Anita Blake
    Ragnar and crew from Vikings
    Several ex-army airborne guys who I played Cards Against Humanity with this weekend.
    I have a great team and will probably just sit back and eat bonbons!

  219. Mal & his gang from Firefly, a chick with cancer from Firefly Lane, & The Bloggess. It’ll be interesting.

  220. Lauren Reardon (a witch) from the book Gideon, the teenage mutant ninja turtles and the kids from Big Hero Six.

  221. Funny how may we have in common in your tribe! I have adult Scout Finch and Quentin Coldwater (saw both above) and Dallas O’Kane.

  222. I’m teaming up with Jon Stewart, Ethan Burke from Wayward Pines, and Pope Francis. I think we’ll have this covered…

  223. Oh this would go well. I have the KGB spies Philip and Elizabeth from The Americans, all of the highlanders from Outlander PLUS Claire, and then the cast of Friends…for comic relief. We own the apocalypse.

  224. Oh, I could actually have a chance! That is, if I could keep up with Leroy Jethro Gibbs of NCIS, Adam Savage & Jamie Hyneman of Mythbusters, and Luke Skywalker (Shakespeare’s Star Wars variety). When it comes to sheer shooting: Gibbs has that covered. Ingenuity: Adam & Jamie. Highly destructive semi-close range weapon that doesn’t consume ammo: Luke. Girl doomed not to make it in spite of intelligent company: me.

    The funny/desperate version would be: Lego versions of MARVEL superheroes, John Williams (the composer), and Princess Cimorene of The Enchanted Forest Chronicles.

  225. Let’s see. I may be sorta ok. I’m watching The Saint right now, so I’ve got super cool Simon Templar (Roger Moore in his prime), before that I watched The Daily Show, so I’ve got Jon Stewart, too (will get a good laugh before I die and he’ll remind me that the govt is so screwed up right now that I maybe won’t mind not being around for it, I guess). Before that…..huh, well my phone was shuffling music and it was on Tears for Fears. When Curt Smith was last on Psych, he fell to the zombie horde and himself became a zombie. I may have a little trouble there. Still, I’ll be entertained!

  226. Hubs and I have been binge watching Bones so I’ve got that crew going for me. As for reading, I’m in the middle of three books. I’ll go with the one about Leonardo da Vinci, the man was a genius and could probably MacGuyver his way out of anything. And for games… well I pretty much only play Solitaire? Does that give me Kings and Queens and their respective armies? If so, I’m SET.

    Also, I think we should all just show up at Jenny’s house when the first signs of the zombie apocalypse start. All of us with our respective talents, our taste in reading (so many of you listing Harry Potter, love it!) and with Texas being so well armed and all, I think we’d be fine. And, if you’ve read World War Z, I have a zombie proof dachshund. So there you go.

  227. Well, I’ve got Claire Fraser, Will Smith as Agent J, and Jenny. So, not necessarily a highbrow zombie-fighting team, but probably pretty effective and creative. I think my chances are pretty decent.

  228. Monday evening on CBS… G from NCIS LA, Walter O’Brian from Scorpion and Molly from Mike & Molly. F’ing awesome crew. Brains, braun and comedy. I’m good.

  229. The BAU team from Criminal Minds, the gang from The Big Bang Theory, the How I Met Your Mother crew. Yeah, I’m kicking that last group out and living because I have a team of super nerds and people who can properly use their insane invented weapons on my side.

  230. Here’s the thing. I’m not knowingly mentally challenged. I suppose. What do I know? But I live with a schizophrenic husband, bipolar son and who the he’ll knows niece. I have to be the Damn matriarch who is supposedly keeping it all together. And what I’m thinking is I better have a good will. Cause who will help them when I’m gone?

  231. Penn & Teller, Wil Wheaton and John Taylor (From Simon Green’s Nightside series) We are going to KICK ZOMBIE BUTTS!!!!!

  232. Well, I’ve been re-reading a bunch of books while I scour the shelves for more books to read… (Although I take my turns at watching Netflix and playing games too lol) so here it goes:
    1) Toby Daye from the October Daye series by Seanan McGuire (specifically One Salt Sea)
    2) Georgia (and Shaun) Mason from Blackout by Mira Grant
    3) Kate Daniels (and Curran) from Magic Breaks by Ilona Andrews.

    Pretty sure I’m going to make it. Toby’s a kick ass changeling who doesn’t know how to stop, Shaun and Georgia have basically already figure out how to make it through a zombie apocalypse and Kate could make all the zombies into her slaves. Not that she would – but still. She and Curran would just kill them all. So I think I’m good. This was a blast to read through – thanks for making a crappy day much better. 🙂

  233. I last watched Grey’s anatomy and the hunger games. So I guess my team will have Katniss, Meredith Grey and Christina Yang. Not a bad combo…

  234. My cat was reading over my shoulder & won’t stop pestering me now. He’s become obsessed with a project to get the squirrels out back sozzled. Thanks a lot!

  235. Honor Harrington (instawin, yus!), Dragon Age Inquisitor, Simon’s Cat. Formidable enough!

  236. I have the girls from Pretty Little Liars (so not helpful), the Mikaelsons from The Originals (very helpful) and Wanda from The Host (might as well just leave her at home).

  237. I think I’m in good shape! Tom Mason from Falling Skies, Ethan Burke from Wayward Pines, and Jean-Luc Picard. Hell yeah!!

  238. Just finished reading all the books in Kate Danley’s series, Maggie MacKay. Maggie will kick those zombie asses along with werewolves and vampires and anybody else that gets in her way. Glad I read instead of watching TV, Maggie kicks butt.

  239. The monkeys from the “Bloons” app, Diana the witch from “A Discovery of Witches,” and Bear Grylls. I think we might win!! Or at least we’d know how to survive after everything has been destroyed.

  240. Andrew Zimmern or the bicycle guys from the Tour de France peleton (I switched back and forth during commericals). This is good. The bicycle guys can show me how to get away really fast, and if we can’t, Andrew can show me how to eat their brains. Last thing I read was a medical/statistics journal article. It had no protagonist, except possible y squared.

  241. Gibbs from NCIS, Aervyn from Debora Geary’s Modern Witch series and Tip, a pregnant cat from tinykittens.com. I’d say I’m in pretty darned good shape. 🙂

  242. Sherlock/John, Hannibal/Will, and Sam/Dean–unless Hannibal decides to eat me, I think I’ll be okay!

  243. Sansa Stark, Piper from Orange is the New Black, Steve from Minecraft. . . and interesting team

  244. I think I totally might have a shot at living. It would be Scully and Mulder, Roseanne, and Anthony Bourdain. Boom. I’ve got two FBI agents which guns and a penchant for fighting off the paranormal, Roseanne to keep my spirits up with her hilarious pessimism, and Anthony Bourdain to look at and feed me. I’ve seen him kill a chicken. He could figure out a way to make Zombie Risotto, I’m sure of it.

  245. Frank and Claire Underwood, a serial killer from Berlin in 1941 (the S-Bahn Killer) and the three cops from True Detective. I think the team dynamics might kill me before the zombies do.

  246. Well- it started out badly- Millie, a character with confidence issues from a romcom book. She’d just panic and get herself (and maybe me) killed. Then it got odd: Mary Berry of The Great British Bake-Off. Well, at least we’d have cake… Then the third person… and I swear I didn’t make this up… is Alice from Resident Evil. Hell yeah!!! Except in the films, usually all her side-kicks die horribly. Oh well.

  247. Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks, Ethan Burke from Wayward Pines (who DID kill the abbys so he should be good with zombies) and a chick from a regency romance, who we will obviously use as zombie fodder so the rest of us can escape. I think I’m good

  248. Well, I’ve got Arlen Bales from the Demon Cycle books by Peter Brett, Dexter Morgan and Sam and/or Dean Winchester. I’d say I’m pretty set.

    Husband says we were watching Archer last, not Supernatural. He’s wrong but either way I’d still accept Sterling Archer!

  249. I’ve got Riven/Mask the assassin/god from Godborn
    Harry Dresden, Wizard, from Turn Coat
    M. Savage from Alive which I am in the middle of. For the most part I think I can sit back with a coffee and enjoy the show.

  250. Okay I’ve got Julie ( the WWII spy, descended from Mary Queen of Scots) from Code Name Verity (or perhaps Maddie, the WWII pilot? either way very awesome teammates), Napoleon Dynamite (he claims to have “skills” so, maybe…), and Cormoron Strike from The Cuckoo’s Calling. I might do okay. Napoleon Dynamite is the wildcard, that could really go any number of ways. Stay tuned.

  251. I guess I’m in luck because my team would be:

    — The announcer guy with movie trailer voice from the show Mysteries at the Museum. He looks like he could take on some full-on apocalypse stuff.
    — All of the scientists in the book Full Rip 9.0 about the Cascadia megaquake we’re in for
    — Mark Watney from the book The Martian, who (spoiler alert!) is a kick-ass scientist who does some stuff and I’m not going to tell you the ending because it’s an awesome story.


  252. I’ve got my bad ass monk Early from Final Fantasy XIV (who’s killed her fair share of zombies already), Jon Snow in Clash of Kings (who’s also a seasoned zombie slayer), and Komatsu Nana from Nana (who may not be up for killing zombies, but would probably make a bitchin’ nurse), so I’m feeling pretty good about my chances.

  253. So, the last three things I read/am reading as of seeing this are: “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”, “The Disappeared” book one in the Retrival Artist series, and “The Girl With all the Gifts”. Meaning my zombie apocalypse team is Jenny, Miles Flint (a former detective fighting against unjust alien laws, and Melanie, who might (SPOILERS) be a zombie herself (I’m only a couple chapters in). Can’t decide if this amazing or terrible.

  254. I’ve watched Ray Donovan, Hannibal, and Sleepy hollow…think I’m good.

    I totally agree with the coughing sentiment…guy next to me on flight from west coast to east coast was hacking whole time so of course I got to sound like a chain smoker hacking up a lung for three weeks (mostly went away on its own though as I’m too cheap to pay $100+ to see doc).

  255. My team kicks ass, until, well, you’ll see:

    Shadow (from American Gods, yeaahhhhh buddy)
    A team of American Ninja Warriors (oh yes, this is looking good)
    A blue trivial pursuit pie (whomp womp)

  256. I’m feeling quietly confident. I have a hard-ass gunslinger (from fanfic), Sam Vimes from Fifth Elephant and Rayland Givens from Justified. A bit of a sausage fest, but still, all very capable in my opinion. (And I lucked out, because one back from Rayland is Toy Story. Those characters may be game, but they would be awfully small.)

  257. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, an Italian detective, a very nice couple that remodels old houses in Waco. Might be able to work with that, as long as the Italian detective can bring armed response squaddies, and the nice couple are equipped with their rather serious power tools.

  258. Piper Chapman from Orange is the New Black, Max Caufield from Life is Strange and Bega from Credo.

    The first, while resourceful, I can’t imagine being especially useful. The second can rewind time, which is surely useful. The last is a sword wielding nun, so that’s fairly helpful.

  259. @ the people who drew Anita Blake – too OP >.< she can just control the zombies.

    @ Amy “P. S. I’m really glad they didn’t say the last four things, otherwise I’d have to include Piper Chapman, and I think she’d really mess up the dynamic I’ve got going on with this team.”

    Commiserations to everyone else who rolled Piper.

  260. Read: book of essays by various martial arts masters — pretty good.
    Played: does candy crush have a protagonist? sugar high, I guess
    Watched: um, the gang from Tattoo Nightmares. so we can all have beautiful body art.
    Not impressed with my chances!

  261. Anna Quinlan from her memoir. Bad news: she’s older than I am, and her bones ache. Good news: she’s from New York city so she’s met and dealt with a number of zombies already.

    Hectar from ‘Hectar and the Search for Happiness). Bad news: He’s a psychiatrist which isn’t as useful as a regular doctor, but he still has some skills. Good news: he was played by Simon Pegg who also played Sean in ‘Sean of the Dead’ and he rocked at zombies.

    Cheryl Strayed from ‘Wild’. Bad news: She was a total wimp when it came to rattlesnakes, men, and noises in the night. Good news: she could get us to Oregon from here when all the cars don’t work any more and she finally knows how to use her damned cook stove.

    We might live. Want to join us?

  262. Sweet!
    Loki, from “Agent of Asgard”
    Clint Barton, from Matt Fraction’s run on “Hawkeye”
    Muller and Scully from X-Files
    My assessment: we’re totally safe from zombies, but will probably kill each other within two weeks…

  263. Here is why my team will kick Zombie ass:
    1.Trudi Montag from Stones From the River. She can just like, run under the zombie’s legs and trip them, or something, right? Or at least sucker-punch them in the junk.
    2. Bill Bixby as David Banner in The Incredible Hulk TV series. Nobody likes him when he’s angry. Because Hulk.
    3. I don’t play games, but I’m doing a jigsaw puzzle of a bunch of poison dart frogs.

  264. Maria, Woman in Gold (Helen Mirren playing feisty Jewish woman), Ragnar Lothbrok the Viking who so far loves to kill and pillage, and THE Doctor. I’m feeling pretty good about my companions!

  265. I’d have The Doctor, Bilbo Baggins and William Bostwick, who wrote a book about the history of beer. I think I’m going to be okay. And once the zombies are defeated, we have a pretty good chance of having a good life, what with a hobbit and a beer maker in the group!

  266. Dean Winchester (Supernatural), The Flash, and a horde of Minions. NO PROBLEM.

  267. Fuckstockings!
    Jenny Lawson (advanced reader’s copy of Furiously Happy)
    The Gilmore Girls, one of the Loralies (been binge watching during newborn’s night feedings)
    Princess Daisy (Mario Party 8 with my kids)

  268. I’m reading the Eragon series and re-watching Heroes. Zombies don’t stand a CHANCE.

  269. Harry Dresden, wizard, P.I.
    Mulder and Scully
    Phineas and Ferb

    We will KICK ASS!

  270. Henry VIII from The Tudors, Heidi Klum from Project Runway, and Gibbs from NCIS. So, basically, Henry will marry Heidi, then chop her head off because he’s actually the zombie king and Gibbs will have to figure out how it all started in the first place. I’ll probably trip over a stick and die.

  271. Tsar Peter the Great (reading a biography on him)
    Sam Winchester (Supernatural)
    And I last played Portal 2… Don’t know the characters names.

    I’m the weak link on my team. 🙂

  272. What a weird team 🙂

    You – cause I just finished your first book
    the College Football Team of TC Wiliams (1970) – I watched my favourit movie “Remember the Titans”
    And Deadpool – I saw the trailer

  273. Sam Vimes from Thud by Terry Pratchet / Odd Thomas (just watched the movie last night)/ and Batman! Bring it on!

  274. I was last playing Clash of Clans while watching Daily Show so I have Jon Stewart and Amy Schumer, then reading the Bloggess, so I get Jenny! Not sure how long I will live but at least I will die laughing!!!

    BTW best morning ever!

  275. Well, the last three things I watched were Hannibal, Humans, and I Am Cait… a serial killer hunter, a conscious android, and a trans athlete? I think I’m ready for anything!

  276. I have the team from Reboot (Bob, Matrix and Andraia? YES), the crew for season two NCIS, and some dude investigating things at Miskatonic U…

    I might actually survive.

  277. You are on my team (I got an advance copy of your book – it is amazing)! Also, BoJack Horseman and Fry from Futurama… I think we’re screwed, but it will be entertaining!

  278. Roland Deschain (the Gunslinger–score!), Shaun and Gus from “Psych,” and you, Bloggess. So, I think we’ll be well protected and have a jolly time.

  279. Sense 8 – Just started this last night, and there are like a dozen protagonists and they’re all psychically linked soooo that’s a badass start to my team. Food Network Star – I’d like to think that Bobby, Giada, and Alton are the protagonists of that show and I welcome them to my team gladly. We gon’ eat well. And my 3rd show is Angel. So, a centuries old kick ass vampire with super strength and speed that can’t be killed easily. I am so living through this apocalypse!

  280. lucky me! I’m watching angel and supernatural so I guess i get the winchesters 🙂

  281. Last game: Doctor Who Yahtzee
    Last TV: Netflix binge of NCIS
    Last book, finishedl this morning: Let’s pretend this never happened.
    So guess I’m fighting zombies with The Doctor, Gibbs, and you.

  282. I’ve been watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on Netlix. And other than that who cares, “Me to beam up Enterprise.”

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