Conversation with Victor at lunch:
Victor: I read something about a contest where you have to come up with the saddest story in just four words, and I think I’ve nailed it.
me: Okay. Hit me.
Victor: “She loved someone else.”
me: Ooh, that is a good one. How about… “She’d forgotten his smell”.
Victor: Hmm. “He never became himself.”
me: “OUR DOG WAS EATEN.”
Victor: Um…subtlety?
me: “The baby spontaneously combusted.”
Victor: Jesus, Jenny.
me: Well you said it should be sad.
Victor: Okay, let’s switch to happy. The happiest story in four words. “He loved her back.”
me: Okay. “The monsters never returned.”
Victor: How about…“She became his world”.
me: Ew. No. That sounds like a stalker. Oh! “More gravy for everyone!”
Victor: “They made a family.”
me: Aw, I like that. How about…“Knock knock mother fucker.”
Victor: No. Also, “motherfucker” is one word.
me: Fine. How about… “He never questioned her.”
Victor: How about…“She stopped acting stupid.”
me: How about…“Her divorce came through.”
Victor: Hmm. We should probably stop this.
me: Yeah. Agreed.
And they lived happily (ever after).
Your turn. Happy or sad story in four words. Go.
This too shall pass.
Her hair grew back.
I am so broken.
The shoes fit perfectly.
There was enough tequila.
The cats slept elsewhere.
She stopped being afraid.
We’re out of pie.
Happiest story:
He fulfilled his dreams.
Saddest story:
His dreams weren’t fulfilling.
Sad: She never looked back.
Happy: She never looked back!
No. That’s too cheesy. How about:
Sad: She’s waiting for you.
Happy: I found the dog!
They left me alone.
One pizza slice left.
“Jenny’s smarter than Victor”
She has two cats.
Happy “And there was love”
Sad “Good bye my love”
Anything with gravy or a baby could go either way.
The probing eventually stopped.
Happy: She reads The Bloggess
Sad: No new Bloggess blogs
How about, “Bloggess is a zombie”?
Or “Bloggess ate our dog”?
Those words would make me sad…
I survived the accident.
All charges were dropped.
Her state legalized marijuana.
The house finally sold.
They never found out.
( could be happy or sad)
Sad: Who ate the cake????
Happy: There was extra cake.
There was always enough.
Jenny, I think I came up with the perfect one! And it’s up to the reader if it’s happy or sad: The pain will end.
Then he was gone.
Happy: The anxiety finally faded.
Sad: The anxiety would return.
He told her no.
Their child smiled warmly. The conditioning finally worked.
“Blogges is a zombie.”
or…
“Bloggess ate our dog.”
Those words would make me sad…
Happy: She didn’t need surgery!
Sad: She desperately needs surgery.
My daughter has a heart. First we heard the sad, then we hear the happy. I prefer the happy.
She thought for herself.
She never said hello.
They had a family.
Help me! I’m almost…
ha! heart CONDITION. Of course she has a heart. That would be horrifying if she didn’t.
IVF was too expensive
Bacon has been banned.
Free bacon for everyone.
The kids got along….
Your beer is free.
Depression became her friend.
Depression never came back.
Saddest: She would never know.
Happiest: They found each other.
The softest kitten ever.
Chocolate made her thin.
The Blue Pill worked.
The medication started working.
They named her Beyoncé.
This too shall pass.
coffee never runs out
she finally smiled again
he never looked back
the cat never died
it was a dream
She was born asleep.
~
All yarn is discounted.
How about, “Multiple comments won’t appear”?
Because that keeps happening – and it makes me sad…
Sad: We’re out of cheese.
Happy: Surprise! I brought cheese!
My friend on Saturday.
I (just) lost my husband
What I told her this morning:
You are so loved.
OMG I love you guys. Wait, that’s not it.
Knock knock mother fucker!
The asshole moved out.
He is potty trained.
Sober for ten years.
The new antidepressant works.
The cheese was gone.
I suppose this might work for either. The cat came back.
The test was negative.
The wine ran out.
The test was positive.
Saddest:
She would never know.
Happiest:
They found each other.
“Your hair smells nice.”
“However, you have lice.”
She waited for him. He was finally exonerated.
Happiest: will you marry me?
Saddest: I don’t love you.
It became spring forever.
The Bloggess Saved Her
She was finally free. (probably works for both cases)
“I lost my job” “I won the lottery”
Only the dog survived.
Happiest: I love you, Daddy. (my four year old son at bed time)
Saddest: Daddy, are you full? (my four year old son pointing to my belly)
Their cats got along. (Big, right? I have a cat, my beau has a cat, and I worry if we ever combine households that the damn cats will ruin everything with their incessant fighting. Because they are cats. But we love them. So yeah; “Their cats got along.”)
Your vagina looks normal -gynecologist
That’s not my vagina!- from you
She lost her mind.
Happy for one, sad for another: You can have him.
Happy or sad…reader’s choice: The scan was negative.
Helium made it funny.
I love you people.
“Five miscarriages, one baby”
(This is my sad AND happy sentence and true story).
And he died alone.
Her dreams became reality.
Their vacation never happened.
The laundry was completed.
Love blossomed in them.
Fear kept her anchored.
Happy for one, sad for another: You can have him.
If They knew Her
He got a vasectomy
I laughed out loud.
Bathing Suit Looked Great
Her stabbyness went away.
ILove you Olie….these were the last words my husband said to me before he died. They’re the happiest & saddest words in my world.
Happy: It was all enough.
She won the lottery.
Unlimited breadsticks for everyone!
Saddest: She never found love.
Happiest: Love finally found her.
She always remembered happy.
Ha that’s a trick one yeah, because you could read it as happy OR sad.
I love you, Nana
I miss you, Nana
He survived the accident.
The accident was fatal.
her depression came back. she overcame her depression.
And then, winter ended
Both: the kids grew up.
Sad: He saw her disfigurement.
Happy: His heart saw beauty.
He stopped writing stories.
Both: Nobody ever found out.
Happy or Sad
The test was positive.
“I won the lottery” — 🙂
“Dog ate the ticket — 🙁
There is no heartbeat.
The sun warmed us.
She never woke up. (both)
I’m out of wine.
I BOUGHT MORE WINE!
Sad: It’s just Penny’s time.
(Penny’s our lab. She’s 13 it’s time to say goodbye)
Happy: You’re so fucking brave!
(Said to Jenny at the book signing in Boston)
The mothership finally arrived.
Death was a relief.
Her dreams required sunglasses.
Congratulations, it’s a girl!
They held on anyway.
All the obstacles disappeared.
You make me laugh
I closed her eyes.
She lost all hope
Happy: Will you marry me?
Sad: And she walked away
Life must go on.
These wounds will heal.
Wonder Woman is Supreme!
Creative juices are flowing.
Creative road is blocked.
Shitty people cause catastrophes.
This house is clean.
Sad – “I never loved you”
Happy – The water was clean
And then he vanished
I am still here.
He broke her heart.
She mended it herself.
Sad: Lost son to drugs
Happy: Her son got sober
“She welcomed her death.”
Maybe both.
The cancer is gone!!
And then, things changed.
Her boss is horrible.
She won the lottery.
Hello. I’m the Doctor. (I know I’m is a contraction and technically two words but this phrase makes me extremely happy.)
Stricken with explosive diarrhea
She discovered she was enough…..
The Cat Came Back!
She held her breath…
I Love You More
It doesn’t get better.
I am truly loved.
And the sun rose. Happy
Only the darkness waited. Sad
She lived another day.
I never stopped looking.
They raised their glasses.
Challenge accepted!
Sad story:
She’d lost it all.
Happy story:
Her prayers were answered.
Saddest:
The dog eventually died.
Happiest:
The pup kissed me.
Antibiotics cleared it up.
She’s still a slut.
I cannot taste food
That was hilarious, and I can completely see my husband and I having the exact same conversation with the same result.
Trump, sobbing, walked away.
Both: Then she woke up.
Both?: She never hurt again.
I lost my Rose…
Donna can’t remember anything…
I blame Doctor Who for all the feels!
The darkness became light.
The light became darkness
Happy:
“Every day is Saturday!”
“Music in my head…”
Sad:
“Abe Vigoda has died.” (really, he did)
“My home is empty.”
Happy: Everyone got a pizza.
Sad: Pizza has been outlawed.
She saw the world.
Happy:
The donuts are free
Sad:
Doughnuts make you fat
I dropped my ice cream.
Sale: baby clothes. Unused.
Saddest… Her troubles were many.
Happiest… She forgot them all.
But they had cats.
Good – I finally could sleep
Bad – I never woke-up
Sad and happy
And she walked away
Everything stays the same.
And there it was.
Sad: It didn’t work out.
Happy: You don’t need pants.
@Emma Rose: are you thinking of The Sure Thing (aka the greatest John Cusack comedy no one seems to remember)?
‘Do you love me?’ she whispered. ‘Do you love me?’ It would not be tonight. The answer was no.
Sometimes the dark wins.
One bullet left… BANG!
Thank god you’re alive!
Happy and/or Sad…your choice:
“Welcome to Hell’s VIP”
My internet went down
Her fears never dies
I love Jenny Lawson
The saddest words I ever heard “there is no heartbeat”
I got a puppy!
Antibiotics cleared it up.
She’s still a slut.
Saddest: No more Bloggess books!
Happiest: Bloggess books for everyone!
Saddest story:
He’d finished my pizza.
Happiest story:
There was another pizza.
Hank…two words shorter than the original! ‘For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.’ By Ernest Hemingway! Great authorial company! ☺
The driveway is shoveled.
(REALLY happy right now.)
he didn’t make it.
From one of my dogs: “They left me here.”
snuggle bunny came home (i just think this sounds warm and fuzzy)
I think this is based off of the story about Ernest Hemingway’s saddest story in 6 words. His supposed response was “For sale: Baby shoes, never worn.” Which can be looked at really sad, or maybe the parents just had so many pairs of shoes from the baby shower that the baby didn’t need them all? Or because babies don’t even need shoes until they are toddlers? Happy thoughts.
Mine are:
Saddest – Willy never got freed
Happiest – Dreams can come true
Ha! Totally worth it!
So not worth it.
Saddest = I can’t do happy.
Happiest = week off with pay!
That is MY potpie. (Thank you Victor…)
They’d learned to punctuate!
She got the job.
London Fog Latte Drink.
You want to come?
Get in the car.
Stop creeping me out.
I finished the book.
The meeting is cancelled.
On a side note, I’m impressed it took 137 comments for someone to steal Hemingway’s apocryphal baby shoes story:http://www.snopes.com/language/literary/babyshoes.asp
FREE WINE FOR EVERYONE!
She’s all grown up!
That’s both furiously happy and sad at the same time when “she” is your daughter.
You Were Never Loved
She married Tim Brewington. 🙂 Happiest story ever in my life!
He was her world.
She was his world.
A love never stronger.
Our dog can talk.
We can’t tell anyone.
She found her longing.
Happy: cure found for depression
Sad: then the dog died
🙁 Cribs empty; coffin isnt.
🙂 Touch me right …. thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
And they danced forever.
She learned to live.
You’re not your past. OR I need you now.
Horses can’t outrun tornadoes.
“He’s in serious trouble”
She was finally sated
5yo: “Let’s always live together!”
For both happy and sad.
Mini pies for everyone! 🙂
The pies are gone 🙁
Happiest story:
There was always wine.
Saddest story:
There was no wine.
There was once one of those FB things where you pose a question: “You wake up next to me in jail, what are the first four words you say to me?”
My (then 15year old daughter) commented, “Sorry, mom. My bad.”
It both horrified me and cracked me up.
I ate the food. (it goes both ways.)
The Xanax kicked in!
The vodka is low.
There is no Chardonnay.
The struggle is real.
I just might die.
Okay this is six words but I heard this as part of a longer story and it required six – super sad: For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn. I forget but think it was Hemingway. Oh – there’s more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/For_sale:_baby_shoes,_never_worn
Happy: His humiliations tapered off.
Sad: F U, bipolar disorder.
Happy: Backyard garden feeds family.
Sad: I overcooked my steak.
It is a girl!
She has mitochondrial disease.
It’s not your baby.
It’s you, not me.
It’s going to hurt.
There’s no more booze.
Time heals all wounds
And God invented bacon.
Headlines blared: “Children Found!”
The Last Girlscout Cookie.
Dishes filled the sink.
The dish standoff continued.
He washed the dishes.
She celebrated with wine.
This isn’t my life.
The house was empty.
That’s scary, sad, and happy, depending on the situation.
He never touches her.
My brother died horrifically.
My daughter loves me.
You were worth it.
Both beautiful and broken
She loved him anyway.
He never quit drinking.
and
He never quit drinking!
“She took his hand.”
“That breath lasted forever.”
Summer’s on the way!
You will be loved.
She was already happy.
ED left her forever.
You are not alone.
But I never knew.
The vodka was bottomless.
Her liver stopped working.
She lived, she died.
Happy or sad, take your pick.
I do; I do.
Cute Overload closed down.
The Spam is ready!
The world is dying.
We found the cure!
And no one died.
He does the dishes.
Pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza!
They lost their home.
Or
A new adventure beckoned.
“She’d forgotten his smell” just punched me in the heart.
Saddest: My daughter has died.
Happiest: She was MY daughter.
My 19yo daughter Kaitlyn died from a car crash in Oct of 2013. She was in the backseat. She was my first born. She made me a mom. My happy and my sad…
The Doctor is mine
And sometimes we fly
Sandwich with extra mayo
Books are my friends.
Happy:
She slept until nine!
Sad:
There was no coffee.
The beer was cold
Her Dad finally stfu.
Free marijuana for all
I could do this all day!
Magnificent entries here 🙂 I’m just going to go with irreverent:
The wine was free
;-D
He wouldn’t accept love.
Sad: They all forgot her
Happy: They forgot her fuckups
David Tennant loves me.
I was aware of the Hemingway story (perhaps apocryphal), but I had to shorten it to fit the four word limit.
Here’s another sad one, unique to me (as far as I know):
I never risked anything.
The adoption was final.
We’re a Forever Family!
Hmm, I think I can do both with one entry:
“It was never the same.”
They overcame it together. 🙂
(Not gonna do a sad one bc then I will be.)
Sad:
Never again, she said.
Later, he passed away.
Happy:
Forever and always: yes.
She won the lottery.
Happy “Got the fuck out”
Sad: “I really miss you”
A life well lived.
The divorce is final.
This could be either happy or sad…
And so she danced.
From the East coast:
The plow finally arrived.
There are more books.
Ernest Hemingway was once bet that he couldn’t write a complete story in just six words. His response was: For sale: baby shoes, never worn.
I’m happily not normal.
Sanity lost its foothold.
Pain is my companion.
All circuses closed down.
SeaWorld freed its imprisoned.
Poachers all died mysteriously.
Men suddenly understood women.
Women suddenly understood men.
Leaf on the wind
Happy: “Stumbled into enternal bliss.”
Sad: “Stumbled into an oubliette.”
Cancer can suck it.
Never to return again.
Happy or sad, you write it your way.
Happy: He brought me bacon
Sad: I burned the bacon
NetFlix and…buffering…buffering…
It always goes on
She only seemed happy.
It will be fine
broken crayons still color
Happy: Jenny became my neighbor.
The snow finally ended
The taco was free.
She didn’t know how.
He only heard himself.
Her life went on.
Cats, chocolate and fries.
We are breaking up.
My flight was cancelled.
I got another flight.
Cancer: my last day.
Happy: Everyone is finally equal.
Sad: On the news today…
He died last month.
She never loved herself.
Followed by the inevitable sequel:
Neither did anyone else.
Jen, #247, The plow finally arrived.. I want to like this 1000x. (just got word, our schools are remaining closed with the hope to reopen on Monday, Feb. 1st.)
Happy & Sad, all in 1 word..
Always.
Just as it is.
Not defined by diagnosis.
My mother finally died.
The coffee is gone.
It’s five o’clock somewhere.
Happy: Dawn came at last.
Sad: The stars blinked out.
Your prescription is ready!
“Everything has changed now.” <— happiest and/or saddest, all in one.
Her; injured but breathing
Bacon! Bacon! BACON! BAAAAAAYCON!
He loved her anyway. (Come to think of it, that probably works for both.)
Your prescription is ready!
He hurt her again.
I live on the east coast in the middle of the blizzard sooooo
Saddest:
It never snowed again
Happiest:
It never snowed again
My story isn’t over.
They’re not going anywhere. (Either?)
An author I know wrote a book based on her writing partners husband sitting up in bed and saying “the elves are dying”. Four words= a book
I am so lonely.
He came in first!
“I love you so…”
“Ummm, who are you?”
Cancer can suck it.
Happy: Your food is ready.
Sad: I found a hair.
There was no goodbye.
Sad: Pregnancy caused my infertility
Happy: Our only is enough
It wasn’t my fault.
There was no goodbye.
I’m out of chocolate (or wine, or Prozac, or whatever)- saddest
I’ll love you always – happiest
Mouse fails maze test.
She won the Powerball.
Happy:
Nothing slowed Clarence down.
Sad:
Mama finally left us.
Happy- Hew Grew up Happy
Sad- The office is open
Both can be taken either way:
A life well lived.
The divorce is final.
They burned the books.
We lived through today.
Sad:
Strangers. Friends. Lovers. Strangers.
David Bowie has died.
Happy:
He held my hand.
The workday has ended.
Bottomless cups of coffee.
I graduate in December.
As an aside, I think there’s a lot you can tell about someone in how they respond to something like this, especially the things they value or hold dear.
Ok, mine happen to coincidentally be happy for me and sad for my husband, but they are also the biography of the past two years of my life. Here goes:
She quit her job.
They mortgaged their equity.
She took up sewing.
She still isn’t working.
She is now vegan.
Abe Vigoda has passed. (that’s the sad one)
Sounds happy:
She was always right
But!
She was never happy
Taken either way:
The divorce is final
A life well lived
I laughed, then peed.
Hobbes, lets go exploring!
Sad (circa 2006): Born with angel wings.
Happy (circa 2008): We brought him home!!
Hobbes, lets gp exploring!
Rainfall kissed her eyes.
She walked away free.
Sunlight reached his hand.
The breathing sounds stopped.
Screw this, Bye Felicia!
She let him go
then she was gone
She loved hom back
Sandy toes in summer
This is quite possibly the best I’ve seen 😀
Happiest four words: The results were positive.
Saddest four words: The results were positive.
She left that shithole. Happy story.
They fulfilled each other.
They couldn’t be together.
She forgave her everything.
Love was not enough.
Sad: Abe Vigoda has died.
Happy: Betty White is immortal.
Happy: Then she smiled back.
Sad: Grasses hid her grave.
She said, “I quit!”
Either, depending on your connotation. I’m hoping desperately for the happy one…SOON.
Covered in nacho cheese.
My happiest 4 word story: She adopted a dog.
All Cows Eat Grass (music people will get this one)
Sad – She’ll always hate herself.
Happy – Hope strengthens. Fear kills.
Anyone who has read Karen Marie Moning’s Fever Series will get the happy one…. 🙂
i quit my job
“There was no pulse” for sad…. and for happy… “Her Child would recover”
Miraculously, the fog lifted.
Fuck off, old man.
I am still here.
I created you, Devil.
Now you’re gonna die.
We couldn’t save him/her.
I got a kidney!
Together they had everything.
Apart they were nothing.
Sad: She was hard work.
Her problems overwhelmed everybody.
She was too intense.
It was her fault.
She tried too hard.
Her name was lost.
No Who until Christmas.
Happy:
She had two dogs.
Love was almost unconditional.
She stroked silky ears.
She learned to love.
She stopped personalising everything.
She learned about gratitude.
She found her faith.
People show refugees compassion.
David Bowie is dead.
My happiest and saddest:
I once loved her
My life is beginning. (Happy)
Life is worth living.
Mental illness never ends.
There’s no more pain
My marriage is legal.
My family doesn’t care.
The depression overtook her
Sad: My dog just died.
Happy: Just kidding; she’s fine.
Prologue: She’s got one eye.
Zombie Ostriches Are Real!
Remember 70s morning cartoons?
Her asshole ripped open
This Pin from Pinterest. Sadly I don’t know where it originated. It is the most re-pinned image of all of my pins. Resonates with people I guess.
“It’s hurting again. ”
(Technically 4 words if you think “it is” instead of “it’s”, but it doesn’t sound as bittersweet somehow.)
http://m.lovethispic.com/image/41465/its-hurting-again
saddest: I want to kill myself
happiest: we know depression lies
Just burned 800 calories!🙌
Unfortunately it was dinner😂
Yes, we are done. 🙁
She always regretted it.
Finally found her voice.
We were in love.
He never apologized sincerely.
I dreamt I left.
I gave notice, finally.
It was a relief.
Unicorn Success Club, yo.
You should be proud ( in reference to bringing up my child)
I can’t love you
The pizza is ready…
The cradle rocked, empty.
Light showed her truth.
You should be proud ( re my little girl)
I can’t love you…
she learned to fly.
They kicked cancer’s ass.
My life is beautiful
The food was free…
He baked her cookies:)
Kids ate the cookies:(
He came real early
It was all over.
Bowie reincarnated as quokka.
The kiss was perfect.
She finally retired, wealthy.
The pain won’t stop.
I love your laugh
Both; The first bullet missed.
Happy is puppy love
Her life was blessed. (Happy)
Chocolate makes her fat. (Sad)
Nobody understood her pain.
Her light shines bright.
The fire destroyed everything. 🙁
Love goes on forever. 🙂
They lived, died alone.
She was happier alone.
God answered her prayer
The test was negative
Happy: Grilled cheese is wonderful!
Sad: The cheese is gone.
He finally made parole! (That’s happy, btw.)
Sad: Baby needs heart surgery.
Happy: Boy lives. Helps others.
It burned very slowly.
I smell smoke again.
The mice are dead. (Bad news, they were your science experiment to save the world.) The mice are dead. (Thank God, they were invading the house and eating all the fruity num mums.)
Is that you, Batman?
It burned very slowly.
I smell smoke again.
She started forgetting faces.
He returned the ring.
She thinks she’s unworthy.
He loves her anyway.
“Honey, I was fired”
“SOOOO, Get another job”
This too shall pass
Stars twinkle morse code.
She sleeps alone, again.
Together they had beauty.
Her book changed lives.
Books are not allowed.
She figured it out.
great books to read – happy
no time to read – sad
Happiest: Hearing “I love you too”
Saddest: Knowing “It was all lies”
And then, she left.
My most recent sad I got today: “You’re having a relapse.” (I have MS.)
So my happy that I keep saying to myself: “It will be ok.”
She was alone again. (= an extrovert’s reaction)
She was alone again! (= an introvert’s reaction)
He left his wife. (Sad for the wife.)
He left his wife! (Good for the mistress.)
Crib for sale. Unused.
I finally became myself.
This argument is EVERYTHING!
We’re out of bacon. – 😢
But we have chocolate! – 🤗
Today, she was enough.
Her soul was free.
Free coffee for everyone!
Eyes finally know others’.
Darkness was her companion
Your biopsies are normal.
(I can attest that these are the four happiest words I’ve ever heard.)
Both saddest and happiest, depending upon your point of view, from the East coast right now – ‘More snow expected tomorrow’
The cat stopped puking. – HAPPY!
There is no cake. – SAD!
Weather delayed package delivery.
Eyes lit for both.
Saddest: The wine ran out.
Happiest: The wine was neverending.
There was no wifi (wait, is that a horrror story)
It was never lost
I still work there (sad for me 😉
And dementor-proof: I ALWAYS have chocolate.
Hmmm
I’ve added some pot/alcohol (depending on preferences) XD
The cat stopped puking!
There is no cake.
She lost her balloon – extremely sad, especially when her friend hit it and it fell down several floors between some escalators
She got it back – mega happy, because the nice lady, working on the bottom floor of the mall, gave it back to a certain girl (in her twenties)
I died long ago.
I will start living.
tomorrow is another day
happy or sad
Magnificence is humans striving.
What might have been
She finally was enough.
It’s dusty in here.
I have never been moved to tears before about COMMENTS. This place is just magical.
He never loved back.
His impotent heart withered.
The moon cried tears.
~~~
They were happily coupled.
The operation was successful.
She licked the spoon.