Today I got an email from a friend and it said, “Just thinking of you today, diarrhea. How ya doing?” and I was like, “I was doing better before you called me ‘diarrhea’? Is that your pet name for me? Because I’m not sure I love it” and then she was like, “FOR FUCKS SAKE, SPELLCHECK. I typed ‘dearheart’ and spellcheck auto-corrected it to ‘diarrhea’. I don’t think you’re diarrhea.” And I guess that makes sense because even as I’m typing this spellcheck is like “‘DEARHEART’ ISN’T A REAL WORD. I’M HELPING,” but when it comes to someone calling me “diarrhea” spellcheck is all, “YEP! THAT SOUNDS RIGHT. NO PROBLEMS HERE.”
Thanks, spellcheck. You’re a real dearheart.
PS. Now spellcheck is like “‘Dearheart’ still isn’t a real word. Did you mean ‘dearhreart’?”
At this point I think Spellcheck has become self-aware and is just fucking with me.
And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- This is a kitchen towel but it’s also awesome to dry your face with because it makes you look like you’re a saucy, unstable cat to everyone near you.
- Christmas ornaments that might get you kicked out of Christmas.
- I had a thousand people ask me if this was me and I wish it was because I laughed so hard I cried and I suspect I’m related to this woman.
- I’m using this new therapy tool and it is shockingly helpful.
- People are asking if we’re doing the James Garfield Miracle this year. Yep. Just trying to get it all together. Keep watching this space.
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Gem & Honey infused bath salts from Wild Honey Apothecary. From them: “A bath is nothing short of a sacred return to the water. Our Gem & Honey infused bath salts are blended with only pure botanical ingredients for highly aromatic soaking pleasure. Charged with the high vibration energy of quartz crystal and infused with biodynamic honey from Wisconsin.” Their monthly delivery service is only $10 (shipping is included) and sends you two 1.5 ounce sachets of specially blended salts and a small quartz crystal. I’m ordering some myself. You should check out it out right here.