December 2016 – Page 2

Want a book for the holidays?

This isn’t a real post. It’s just a quick note to tell you that I’m going to meet the lovely people from BookPeople tomorrow in a parking lot to sign all of the books you might want personalized for Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus/Flying Spaghetti Monster week. If you want one for yourself or for a gift make sureContinue reading “Want a book for the holidays?”

Things I found on the internet that were sort of insulting and also very accurate

I keep a folder on my desktop of insulting things the internet has done to me. It’s a very large folder. Here are some of the most recent things which were insulting, and also very accurate and therefore even more insulting: Then someone told me to google my name + meme and I really shouldContinue reading “Things I found on the internet that were sort of insulting and also very accurate”

The man really is a saint. But he’s killing me slowly.

A conversation I just had with Victor where I respond entirely in gifs and we still don’t get divorced. Victor: Are you awake? Wake up. Listen. I need you to take your anti-anxiety meds and come be social with a bunch of very nice strangers. It’s for a holiday party. It’s for my work. Cocktail attire. So you need toContinue reading “The man really is a saint. But he’s killing me slowly.”

Hey. Do you need something?

Okay. Next week we’re doing the 7th Annual James Garfield Miracle. Every year I think it will be the last and every year the people who were helped in the past ask me if it’s going on again because they’re now back on their feet and they want a chance to give back and thisContinue reading “Hey. Do you need something?”

Spellcheck is a bit of an asshole.

Today I got an email from a friend and it said, “Just thinking of you today, diarrhea. How ya doing?” and I was like, “I was doing better before you called me ‘diarrhea’? Is that your pet name for me? Because I’m not sure I love it” and then she was like, “FOR FUCKS SAKE, SPELLCHECK. IContinue reading “Spellcheck is a bit of an asshole.”

Hey, crazy. Let’s be friends.

Today I was driving to my shrink and it’s sort of a long, twisty, weird road to get there and I noticed another car driving in front of me for several minutes and eventually he pulled into my shrink’s parking lot before me. And then he went inside and then I did and after a few minutes in theContinue reading “Hey, crazy. Let’s be friends.”