Owl just apologize in advance.

Victor and I have had running pun wars since we first got married.  One person starts with a terrible pun and the next has to come up with a worse one on the same subject until the other person gives up.  Last night I couldn’t sleep so I decided to make a shirt for Victor:


And he was like, “Huh.  Looks like you’re making an owlmlette,” and I groaned, “That’s a terrible pun, but owl allow it,” and he said “Fine.  Looks like you’re making hot wings,” and I said, “From Hooters?” and Victor stared at me for a second and said, “I just have one question.  Hoo left the grill on?” and I sang, “Hoo?  Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!” and then Hailey asked how old she had to be to  file for emancipation and I was like, “That’s not how puns work, Hailey.  Like, you could say ‘HOO do I have to talk to about being removed from this home?’  That would work.”  And Victor was like, “Except technically we’ve used ‘hoo’ so that’s just lazy punning.  We expect better from you, young lady.”  And then Hailey went to her room. Probably to work on her owl puns.


And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!



Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):


This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by House Rules Cafe, a board game cafe in Hudson, NY with a library of games available for in-house play. It doesn’t exist yet, but with your help it will.  Click here to find out how you can build it.  The layout of the cafe will feature a nook reserved specifically for children, and a collection of games that appeals to all age groups, including young adults. As a family-friendly alternative to the usual nightlife, it will be a unique business for Hudson.  The menu will consist of delicious comfort foods and the cafe will also have a strong sense of social responsibility, with anxiety and sensory sensitive events, fair trade products, and participation in programs like Suspended Coffees. “This is an opportunity to drive the board game industry in a new direction,” says owner Kathleen Miller, “one that is inclusive, community-focused, and kind.”  Sounds pretty bad-ass to me.  Click here to take a look.

85 thoughts on “Owl just apologize in advance.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I’m listening to “Who let the dogs out” now. I’m NOT going to say thank you. But I will say: “You! You-You! You let the dogs out”

    It’s just not punny anymore, somebody could get hurt here.

  2. I’m laughing out loud and I can’t tell my husband why because if I keep saying “the Blogess” he might divorce me.

  3. ha! I thought #5 said “memo pooper…sticky notes to leave on their bathroom mirror…” and was like “yeah…well…the third one from the left does look a little constipated? and the second one looks REAL excited about having pooped?” Then I read it again and realized it said “paper.”

  4. FFS I cannot spell my own Twitter name today,,, Owl bet it’s because I’m tired…. Cannot roll my eyes any harder…. Coffee isn’t cutting it. That’s the best I can do.


  5. Hailey is one lucky kid! She lives in a world filled with magic and laughter, and I really can’t wait to learn of the woman she becomes. She is going to change the world – just like her mom. I know it.

  6. Jenny, you and your puns are the best. Barred none. Although technically, I don’t think that’s a barred owl. I think it’s Eurasian Eagle Owl. Hoo knows?

    I bought your book for my sister, but I may not give it to her. Or I may have to buy another one. We have never shared well together.

  7. My brother and his fiancé Damon are getting married in March. They both love to cook and bake. We threw them a wedding shower last week and we made it food pun themed. So the decorations were all things like “my butter half” and “olive you,” and “don’t go bacon his heart.” We had so much fun coming up with them that my life goal is to now make every party I throw some sort of pun theme 😊

  8. We live full-time in an RV, and I believe we’ve come up with every possible pun. RV going into town today? RV having spaghetti again tonight?

    You get the point.

  9. I both envy and pity Hailey right now. Those puns were fantastically awful, which are my favorite kind!!! And your responses to Hailey were amazing!!! I pity her for going through that awkward stage of trying to be normal with parents like hers. Hopefully she grows out of that stage quickly and embraces the weirdness fully. Though I know plenty of adults who, sadly, never left that “trying to be normal” stage… They deserve the most pity…

  10. “Lettuce go then, you and I/While the evening is spread out against the sky/Like butter pasteurized upon a table.” Sandwich puns. Lol.

  11. I wonder if I can get one of those sweathirt/coozie things for a person and their cat that is be enough for me and my house-rabbit? Oh, he’d go all Hunter S. on me if I tried to use it but after a while he might pause for a moment and then it would be like we were both into it…for a few sweet seconds.

  12. I’m with Hailey. Your puns are for the birds. Or perhaps they’re just flights of fancy. Well, I’d better raptor up this reply and hit the post button.

  13. I love how some jokes work better on paper than in spoken english. It reminds me of Death’s appearance in the first Discworld novel, and the line “IT’S DARK IN HERE, ISN’T IT”…

  14. I’m so glad you are giving Hailey a classical education. We’re trying with our 3, as well.

  15. I knew my husband was the one when Gunga Din came on TV and he said, “Honey, do you like Kipling?” He had no idea he was handing me the greatest straight line in the history of history.

  16. This is great aha but I was never too well with creating my own puns. I’ll have to go stay in my room and think about some owl puns myself. And that list of gifts is absolutely beautiful!! 🙂

  17. Witzelsucht is the name of a mental disorder that causes people to incessantly make puns. I know this because I have a son in law who may/may not be certifiable. The worst part of this malady is that it appears to be contagious, in self defense, if nothing else. Look out, Hailey!

  18. Are you saying that Hailey wants to fly the coop? She’s getting tired of her parents’ wisecracks?

    When I was growing up, we would make puns at the dinner table, and sometimes there would be a long silence while we were thinking furiously of ways to top the last pun. (Yes, it appears that I WAS raised in a barn).

  19. My bother and his wife were back-to-the-landers who tried to live off their garden.After a particularly bad corn harvest my punny brother quipped, “I thought there were laws against soft, poor corn…”

  20. Mim shared one on her FB page: Might-ochondria, Definitely-ochondria! The more they make me groan the better I like them. Wait. That sounds like something completely different than I intended. There are some games that I just shouldn’t play.

  21. Did any one yet observe, that a bird on the grill is worth two in the bush?

  22. Where were you when I was her age and needed someone to adopt me?

    Also, you should have her read Peirs Anthony’s “A Spell For Chameleon” (41 book series this is just the first one.) It would help tremendously with her Pun game.

    Also, she should have responded with something like How many licks does it take to get out of this house… One… TWoooo, Crunch… and walked out..

  23. We had an owl in our backyard last week. Soft hooting at 3pm is adorable. Hooting like a howler monkey on crack at another owl at 3am is less adorable. I have plans to barbecue a whole chicken outside if he tries it again. It’s a little sublte, but I think Elmer is wise enough to get the hint.

  24. Hubby wants to know why she didn’t just take the low hanging fruit in “owlmancipation “

  25. Jenny-

    Apologies if I’m leaving this post in the wrong place. I just finished your book “Furiously Happy” and loved it so much. I appreciate how open and honest you are with your struggles. Twelve years ago, when I was sixteen and deep into my eating disorder I tried committing suicide. The only thing that held me back was knowing that it would completely destroy my father. Fast forward eight years and the whole world decided to fuck me over and made me watch my dad slowly lose to a miserable, painful battle with ALS. I can’t help but think had I not been in the picture maybe he’d still be alive and happy. Was i selfish for thinking ending my life would ruin his as well? This past sunmer I went back into treatment for my E.D. but it seemed the better I got with that aspect the worse my OCD became. I feel as though I can’t win, but at the same time I’m terrified to be without my disorders. Sorry to be such a run-on, but I just wanted to thank you for showing me I’m not alone and bringing some hilarity (word ?) to it all.

  26. You should be GUSHING at #16……….Not blushing!! I am SO ready for ‘You Are Here”!! Buying one for a friend who was in the psych ward for over a month and had WAY too many Electroshock treatments! He loved “Furiously Happy”! I really hope to see you at BOOKPEOPLE!! My “job” thinks I should be there but………………maybe not!!

  27. Puns are sugary and delicious, but if you want to go long-form, try limericks.
    That would be a real feather in your cap!

  28. OH we love that game. VEST was our latest punster game. Gave my husband a vest jacket for Christmas – and it spun into a huge fun day. We are now VESTIES…. 🙂

  29. I followed the link where you say you got #4, and found inspirational spoons. My sister has just been diagnosed with Lupus and I sent her the Spoon Theory, and now a spoon that says You Got This. Never would have known either existed if I hadn’t followed your links. Thanks!

  30. I just snorted here at work reading this. Owls don’t snort, and I’m short on pig puns, so fail, Wendy. Thanks for helping me make my coworkers question my grip on reality (I mean, it’s a daily occurrence around here, so thanks for today’s iteration of the exercise anyway!)

  31. For the 27 little gifts list? Yeah, 22. I’m wearing their socks now. I wear them to work every day. My little rebellion. Also, they are crazy comfortable. I have both the pairs they show on that list. Everyone should go buy some immediately. Owl wait.

    Here are the ones I am wearing today:

  32. My goal in life is to find someone as awesome as Victor to put up with my shananigans… and also be in charge of money stuff because I am terrible with that nonsense.

  33. I’m interested in your owl choice on the t-shirt. Most owls’ default expressions are somewhere between “did you hear that rustle in the grass a quarter mile away?” and “I’D LIKE NOTHING BETTER THAN TO SHRED YOUR FACE, BITCH”. Yet you managed to find one that looks about halfway to orgasm. It’s like, “Owl up in your grill…to covertly warm its nethers on your smouldering coals. Oh yeah, right there. That’s the spot. Whoooo’s your daddy?”

  34. My family has been punning for years. One person will start and then everyone groans. Before you know it, the Thanksgiving table is full of bad wordplay and rolled eyes. What can I say? Some families have canasta, we have puns.

  35. Check out the game Punderdome… which we gave our nephew for Christmas this year, because not only does he do puns, he invented Punderwear – underwear with pockets!

  36. SOME of us suck at puns and just sit in between the punners, watching it go back and forth like a tennis match, wishing we could participate, but not coming up with anything. Alas. One can only hope your child will get into it as she ages, otherwise what a life of left-outness.

  37. “And then Hailey went to her room. Probably to work on her owl puns.”
    You sure she wasn’t doing her Owlgebra homework?

  38. I think your family should have it’s own reality show. Between fairy nests in public places, you and Victor playing off each other, gluing wigs on baby ducklings, and Hailey surviving it all…that is a show I would tune in to!!!

  39. Hey Jenny – you are sold out at Quail Ridge books in Raleigh for your upcoming tour! Admission to hear you speak – sold out! (But people can still come in and get you to sign their book, which is nice.)

  40. Hey Jenny, come to Powell’s Books in Portland Oregon!

    (I love Powell’s. ~ Jenny)

  41. My sister and I do this. Once we had an epic 14-hour text exchange surrounding puns about bread, which morphed into Italian food. IT WAS AMAZEBALLS and is why I love her so.

  42. I would be wary of entering a pun war (or any contest) with someone called Victor. The imminent fate of losing would make me a little owly.

  43. This is an INCREDIBLE idea!!!!! Thank YOU soon much for sharing!!! You’re an angel in disguise! 🙂

  44. My boyfriend and I do something similar! We have a continuous challenge to see how well we can sneak the pun “impastable” into a conversation. I plan to slip it into our wedding vows…

  45. Totally off subject here, but have you ever thought of selling stuffed Rorys? Stuffed, not taxidermy ones. I know it would cheer me up to have one and I’m sure others would feel the same way!

  46. “27 little gifts to give someone who’s having a hard time” is how I found your amazing book. I couldn’t put it down. Also, as I was reading your book I kept feeling like I had read this kind of writing before,it was just like the writing of someone who had bought, and terrorized, her husband with a 5-foot chicken. Small world.

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