The most metal Capricorn ever.

me:  So apparently I could have murdered people if I’d just been born hundreds of years ago.

Victor:  …I’m sorry?

me:  Don’t be sorry.  Be impressed.

Victor:  Um…no.

me:  I’m reading this book and it says that according to slavic legend, people born on a Saturday were called sâbotnik, and they were natural-born vampire hunters.  And people born in the two weeks after Xmas were considered uber vampire slayers.  I’m half-slavic AND I was born on a Saturday that fell during the super vampire Xmas vacation thing.  I’M THE MOST DANGEROUS KIND OF CAPRICORN.

Victor:  Huh.

me:  I would have been granted by the other villagers official license to destroy any vampires I find, which is pretty bad-ass but also sounds a bit exhausting so I’d probably just give the stink-eye to assholes so they know I could stab them if I wasn’t so tired.

Victor:  Well, you kinda do that already.

me:  Oh…hang on.  This says that I’d probably also eventually turn into a vampire because being born on those days makes you “unclean” and apparently the only reason I could sense vampires is because I’m sort of evil too.

Victor:  Well that part still tracks.

me:  I guess it’s nice to know I could have another career if this writing thing goes to shit.

********

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

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57 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Is it wrong I’m kinda jealous? I’m early December… we probably become the accountants for the vampire slayers or something like that. I was going to say butler/ ladies maid initially, bc that would be the best Downton Abbey spin-off- Ever!

    knockingonfortysdoor recently posted Bag of Hair Blues….

  2. OMG Saturday morning pick-me-up.

  3. Except it’s Sunday.

  4. And THIS is why I love you. 🙂

  5. I vote for a Buffy reboot, all filmed on location at Nowhere Books. Obviously, you’re Buffy and Dorothy Barker gets to be Willow.

    romcomdojo recently posted Mz. Mannerz: The Cow in The Parking Lot.

  6. I’m 3 days before Christmas, so I guess I will not be a vampire? However, some of the being evil shit must have stuck to me, cuz I can be one big B when I want, which is kinda often. Love the narration of your and Victors conversations, always make me laugh.

  7. Yikes! Jenny, the vampire slayer! Your Victor sounds so much like my Harry, a patient man who accepts my wild and crazy imagination.

    Donna Lucas recently posted What the FAFSA Comes Next?.

  8. It’s always good to have a backup plan! That doesn’t sound like one my high school guidance counselor knew about.

  9. I’m also a Capricorn. I was born 1 week after Christmas. So…what does it say about those born 1 week after Christmas?!

    Here’s to us Caps born near Christmas!

  10. Giving good stink-eye is practically a super power for most Capricorns.

  11. Ugh, I just looked it up and, though not a capricorn apparently I was born on a Monday and well, that just about sums everything up for me.

  12. I’m a Saturday Capricorn born just two days after Xmas. So basically I am Buffy. awaits the call

  13. Yah I’m glad I was born at the end of January because hunting vampires sounds like to much work and I really don’t like to run. I feel there would be a lot of running involved. Good luck on your potential new career path

  14. Please cite your sources, Jenny!!!

  15. Dammit! I barely made it past April Fool’s Day! 6 hours! I’m already a hot mess – I can’t imagine the chaos had I not hung on those last few hours. Mom complained that she had to drink Cod Liver Oil to get me to leave the womb, but maybe she should have been thanking me instead. 🧐
    Making a note to bring this up next time I call her.

    Mrs. Completely recently posted Corpse Legs.

  16. I live in the Charlottesville area! Looking this author up now! I missed the cut off by few days. Lol. Born 1/15.

  17. What about people born on a Wednesday in July? Kind of like the opposite?

  18. I was born in the two-week period after Christmas and I just checked and it was a Saturday! I don’t think I’m Slavic though (my dad was adopted, so anything’s possible) but a friend of mine wrote a short story about how I’m a vampire, so that part checks out at least!

  19. I was born on a Saturday too. We could slay vampires all over the world. What a great piece of knowledge.

    Gary recently posted Duck breast sous vide and cauliflower mash.

  20. That’s pretty epic. My Mom was born on Christmas (it’s to much work to see if she was born on Saturday) but the most she’d be able to manage is to guilt the vampires into being not so evil. I mean her guilt game is on point but she’s not much of a slayer.

  21. 21
    Cynthia Turner

    You should definitely put those dioramas in your bookshop!!! They’re awesome! But then… soars you.

  22. Crap, so close. I was born ON Christmas, on a Friday, and I’m Lithuanian. So I’m almost evil?

  23. I’m a Sabotnik (but, sadly, not one of those uber types)! So much better than “Saturday’s child works hard for a living”.

  24. Stake on Saturday—a vampiric family tradition!

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 264: Sew What?.

  25. I’m an uber Vampire slayer, too. Cool.

  26. And I’m a natural-born vampire slayer! Double threat.

  27. Darn, I was born on a Wednesday ( December 20, 1967), but I think that I would still have been pretty badass back then anyway!

  28. Well, I get to check off born after Xmas -30th, but don’t get the double hit for Sat – still think it’d be cool to be a vampire Hunter extrordinaire, or at least a vampire!!

  29. I was born on a tuesday but it was 2 days after Christmas! Guess we gonna be fighting these vampires together!!

  30. I was also born on a December 29th that falls on a Saturday. Wanna form an uber vamp fighting club and see which one of us succumbs to the inner darkness first? 😛

  31. Woo hoo!!! I’m a New Years baby and a vampire slayer? Let’s go hunt some vamps Jenny!!

  32. Bloggy the Vampire Slayer! 😉

  33. Just one more reason I love you. Will you come to MD if ever I find a vampire that needs the stink-eye?

  34. January 3rd…a Saturday. 👀🦇

  35. You’re the best vampire hunting Bloggess there is! Slay ‘em with wit or they get the stake!

  36. It’s nice to have options. Being born on Groundhogs Day just doesn’t seem as impressive now. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2019/10/12/righteous-side-eye/

  37. I was born on a Tuesday in March (it fell on Good Friday one time). However, my mom was born in the the two week period after Christmas. She has never struck me as the badass vampire hunting sort.

  38. Woohoo! I’m an at least 1/2 Slav Virgo vampire slayer. Plus family from both sides of the family came from an area of Poland known for vampires. So I might be both vampire AND Slayer and that kind of internal conflict explains a lot.

  39. Three days after Christmas, but on a Thursday 🙁 and Scandinavian.
    Soooo….does that mean I can still be part of your crew? We can go all Viking on their ass!

  40. According to 23 and Me, I’m 43% Slavic. I am a Capricorn but I was born on a Monday. So I guess I’m a born vampire killer but one that everyone dreads?

  41. Cap two weeks after xmas: Check. Slav: Lithuanian, close but no cigar. Still, I love anything that points out how badass us Caps are. PS and unrelated: Have y’all watched The Great Depresh? B/C Gary Gulman knows what it’s all about, friends.

  42. This is definitely me!! I was born the exact time frame.. Jan 12 was definitely a Saturday 1985 in the morning. I also have a interest in vampires, which is weird that I read this tonight… I sometimes think that I have become one I look younger than a lot of people my age… And younger people don’t think I’m as old as I say I am just like the movies and tv…

  43. I was born on a Tuesday, 8th January…. on my dad’s birthday!

  44. I was born on a Tuesday, 8th January…. on my dad’s birthday!

  45. Im Serbian born on a sat 2 days after Christmas so what am i ??? I think lucky to still be alive after 71 years lol xo

  46. You could make a Diagon Alley light up bookshelf insert… or make them suit the different bookshop sections….crime….sci fi….Childrens etc. 🙂 will your dollhouse visit the bookshop?

  47. 47
    Heather Feather

    Everything about this post makes me happy today! I read it on a Monday, waiting for the dryer/air duct cleaner people to arrive… if that doesn’t say it all….

  48. Cool,I was born December 27.Interesting read this morning! Thanks

  49. I was born January 2..❤️

  50. I was born January 2.

  51. I recall reading a legend saying that christmas eve resulted in werewolves so…

  52. Jenny Vampire slayer. Only most of the episodes are about building blanket forts, drinking wine slushies and surfing the inter tubes. With occasional “A very special episodes” where you travel with Hailey and Victor. Now we just need a theme song.

  53. ELVIS WAS BORN ON JANUARY 8TH. DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. JANUARY 15TH ! “THE GREATEST” MUHAMMED ALI’S BIRTHDATE IS SIMILAR TO ELVISES;PERHAPS THE 1OTH …HE WAS ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS N BELOVED MEN OF HIS TIME…BAR NONE!!!THE 1ST AUNT VI. JANET HUBER ON FRESH PRINCE..JAN.13TH. MRS. MICHELLE OBAMA N STEVE HARVEY JAN.17TH. I BELEIVE, SUSAN ” Erica Cane”LUCCI. JA N. N DOLLY PARTEN I BELEIVE JAN. MS. JANE FONDA DECEMBER! I KNEW SHE WAS A CAPPIE!!!!! RIGHT ON TO ALL THE POWERFUL CAPPIES WHO ” NEVER” GIVE UP.INCLUDING ME, FRIDAY JAN.13TH . OH YEAH N JULIE DREYFUSS HAS ABOUT THE SAME B.DAY! HOWEVER BAD FOLK N, CLUELESS LAMBS ;MIGHT BE AS
    BAD .AS V.PIRES…LOL!!! “BEWARE”!!!

  54. Me, The greatest Mohammed Ali, Susan” Erica Cane” Lucci, Julia L. Dreyfuss, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. the fist Aunt Viv from “The Fresh Prince of Belair” Janet Huber- Whitten, Elvis Presley , Jane Fonda! Mrs. Michelle Obama, Steve Harvey n I think MS. Dolly Parton. . YEP, IF NECCESSARY WE COULD ” WHOOP EM”! HOWEVER. “If they did not start somethin, wouldn’t be nothing”!!! Don’t think.us mature ones looked for trouble but …….

  55. Well, I was born on 12/28 but on a Thursday. However, my relatives came from the foothills of the Carpathian Mountains, so maybe I can still be a vampire slayer? I’m not too keen on drinking blood, but I’m pretty worthless during the day, and am perkier at night, so maybe it all works out?

  56. Good to be a metal Capricorn anyway, those terrycloth ones just don’t last…

  57. I am totally a Vampire-killing badass too!! December 28 the year I was born was a Saturday!! Capricorn Vampire killers rock!!

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