Let’s Pretend This Is Sunday

So yesterday I had a weekly wrap-up to write but I didn’t because I am irresponsible and also I was very busy trying to not get Victor arrested and finding a home for a dead owl.

Let me explain.

Victor is in Japan and he found this adorable, old, tiny taxidermied owl at a flea market and bought it for me because the way to my heart is old dead things.

Obviously.

But my father is here and is a taxidermist and has to know all the rules on birds of prey and turns out that if Victor brings an owl home he might end up in jail.   I considered whether jail was worth it because Owlexander Hamilton already had a tiny place in my heart but Victor is too pretty for jail so instead we needed to find a new forever home for a forever dead flea market owl who can’t leave Japan.

This was a job for twitter…clearly.

And twitter was up for it.   THIS IS WHY SOCIAL MEDIA EXISTS.

Within an hour a lovely family had agreed to accept Owlexander into their home.  And all was right with the world.

Until I realized I forgot it was Sunday and didn’t do this weekly wrap-up but technically I think it’s still Sunday in Japan so let’s just say this counts.

On to the wrap up!

********

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

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49 thoughts on “Let’s Pretend This Is Sunday

Read comments below or add one.

  1. A little sad Owlexander shall not be a resident in the bookshop. But he must have another purpose in the universe.

  2. Wait, so if someone then got this delivered to them because of you, does this mean you sent something by owl post?

  3. It’s too bad Victor couldn’t slap a teeny, tiny “Service Animal” vest on Owlexander, but then he’d have to flap him around periodically to make it seem like Owlexander was still alive.

    Wait, this is actually a bonus now that I think about it.🤔

  4. For the first time I’m sad I live in Colorado instead of Japan. Owlexander and I would have shared such contentment in each other’s presence

  5. I feel like you should start calling your fan art “fart”. Mostly because that’s just how I read “fan art” while doing a cursory skim but also because it’s HILARIOUS.

  6. clicking the link to “knock knock mofo you need towels” leads to “error, product is no longer available”.

  7. I guess Victor spoke with the Universe and told them that I can’t bring anymore towels home. The link says they don’t exist. Does this mean I should buy a giant chicken?

  8. I’m very sad that your little friend would not make it through customs. Bummer. We have so many things at our zoo that were confiscated by Customs, surrendered to US Fish and Wildlife Services, and ended up here for education purposes, so I might have gotten to meet him. But imagine how happy that family is to receive him! I am happy for him.

  9. Also, it looks like the first 2 bookshop links lead to the same site. The 3rd one is different.

  10. OH No!!!!! I can’t see the “KNOCK KNOCK MOFO” link!! And when is your calendar for 2020 coming out? I NEED one. I am now an official Jenny Lawson calendar junkie… and I must have my fix!!
    Thanks for not having Victor arrested. Coincidentally, my daughter, when the garbage needs to be taken out to the trash can, tells her husband, “I’m too pretty to take out the garbage”. You and she have many things in common… except for the dead things. For some reason, she just doesn’t appreciate their beauty.. go figure.

  11. I just love Owlexander and wish he could have come to my house….although your house would have been a more fitting home. But I guess it wasn’t worth Victor getting arrested in Japan….I guess…..
    And sadly, the doggie video on twitter where he is rocking out under the hoarder’s table, is a puppet, not a real dog. Almost looks real, but it is a scam. 🙁

  12. Owlexander looks like an adorably less grouchy version of Archimedes the owl from “The Sword and the Stone.” Glad you found him a home so your hubby could come home and avoid the clink! 😉

    So excited for Nowhere to open. You better hold onto your hat because it’s going to be huge-if the online orders are any indication! I love seeing wonderful things happen to and for wonderful people! I also love seeing all of the support you’ve received. You deserve all the success you have coming to you Jenny!

    Also if you need your Halloween fix (God knows I do… go away Thanksgiving!) if you don’t know who Christine McConnell is you should check her out. She is the Queen of Halloween. Her art knows no bounds-cake, architecture, woodwork you name it! Her vintage style is also tastefully enviable. She had a show called “The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell” on Netflix, and she has some videos on YouTube that demonstrate her astonishing work on projects and are so inspiring. Enjoy! 🙂 https://www.instagram.com/christinehmcconnell/?hl=en

  13. it would have taken some work (obtaining a license from USFW to import and then clearing thru USCBP at a designated USFW port) but it can be done!

  14. Apparently, Zazzle doesn’t want me to have towels as much as Victor doesn’t want you to have them. They keep telling me “product not found.”

  15. You have THE coolest parents, daughter (and hubs of course, because, you know owls) ever!!!!
    Your daughter is beautiful Jenny!!! I wish I had cool parents……sighs in frustration

  16. Clearly we need to be on a Dead Things Scavenger hunt to find an Owlexander here in the US because HE NEEDS TO LIVE IN NOWHERE. And by that I mean somewhere special when he is NOW HERE. First one to find something as cute and comparable should get a prize.

    **I’m looking around my desk area to see what might be prize-worthy and I will be happy to gift you with three pieces of Paparazzi jewelry (brand new and unworn!), 3 Whataburger ketchups (SO YUM, I HOARD IT SO THIS IS SUPER SPECIAL YOU KNOW), a crochet hook, and a roll of scotch tape. #WINNING

  17. “but technically I think it’s still Sunday in Japan

    Actually Jenny, Japan’s timezone is ahead of the U.S. so technically, I’m typing this in the future (I’m not in Japan but in the same timezone).

  18. A day or 2 in jail wouldn’t hurt Victor. Might even change his attitude when he gets frustrated with you.sure, he may be ptoo pretty, but he can told off the bubbas for a couple days

  19. wow – that owlet was sooooo damn cute! i’m glad it has a good home. i jumped on to your article in BTW. if you need help with fulfillment, why don’t you see if there is someone nearby with agoraphobia, or another anxiety from which we all descend & see if they could help you from their own home? just a thought. i’m super excited for all the good things happening in your life. write them down on a list for when “the liar” comes for a visit.

  20. I love that you and Victor found Owlexander Hamilton a new home. Just like live animals, dead ones need homes too!
    I saw this video on CBS Sunday Morning and it reminded me of The House On The Rock n WI. It also reminded me of Alice In Wonderland. And dreams (or nightmares.) and about the child in all of us.
    https://www.cbsnews.com/video/art-collective-meow-wolf/
    Enjoy…

  21. I love that you and Victor found Owlexander Hamilton a new home. Just like live animals, dead ones need homes too!
    I saw this video on CBS Sunday Morning and it reminded me of The House On The Rock. It also reminded me of Alice In Wonderland. And dreams (or nightmares.) and about the child in all of us.
    https://www.cbsnews.com/video/art-collective-meow-wolf/
    Enjoy…

  22. You need towels link appears not to work. Sad face. Already sold out or does it need fixed. Because the idea of those towels is very very tempting. And my bathroom needs new hand towels.

    (Well hell. Let me change it out to something else. ~ Jenny)

  23. So I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and that sounds intense and usually terrible but I just heard a podcast that basically said I’m an empath with trauma and when you ask the Google it says an empath is 1) science fiction or 2) someone with BPD so I’m basically a character from a really terrible science fiction book and that’s cool.

  24. I’m coming to your house for Thanksgiving. Just thought I’d give you a heads up. My entire family is going to my sister’s house this year. I don’t know if I can handle it. We’re all freaks with mental health issues, what could be more fun?

  25. Hi there, i have tickets to your Tedx talk tomorrow but can’t seem to figure out what time you are talking. Can you help?

  26. Every time I see “feeling stabby” I sing that Simon and Garfunkel tune but with new lyrics…

  27. I live in Tokyo but I fell behind in Twitter/blog-reading, and…..bad timing, I forever lost my chance at an owl.
    STORY OF MY LIFE.

  28. Owlexander Hamilton… I’m dying. Plus, you know. I feel that we’re kindred spirits, as my cats are named Alexander Hamewlton and Aaron Purr

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