advice – Page 2 – The Bloggess

Babies are flammable but only at night for some reason

A series of unrelated crap: 1. I took a picture of this semi with my phone while I was driving because I’m totally safe like that. And then I was all “when did jam get flammable?” Because honestly, there are some things that you shouldn’t have to worry about spontaneously combusting and one of those is jam. The other isContinue reading “Babies are flammable but only at night for some reason”

I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t care what you do with semen.

I installed Google Analytics on my blog about a year ago and it’s awesome unsettling because it tells you which google searches are bringing people to your blog and you get wonderful disturbing reports like this: Awesome. And what’s even sadder is how many fewer people are searching for Jesus than are searching for some good old elephant p0rn. And evenContinue reading “I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t care *what* you do with semen.”

This is one of those posts about how you can make money off your blog but instead of money you get a coupon for a burrito

Victor says I can’t stay home and drink myself to death until I’m making more than $100 a month on my blog so this week I sent out my first real business proposal and Victor was all “So how goes the blog sales?” and I’m all “Awesome. I’m in discussions with a mucky-muck at Chipotle”Continue reading “This is one of those posts about how you can make money off your blog but instead of money you get a coupon for a burrito”

How not to market to pretty much anybody

So I was going through my email and found this spam… …which looks innocent enough until you highlight the body and that’s when I discovered it was actually an invisible, secret code… More specifically? It’s an invisible, secret code calling me an “asshead”. Repeatedly. Awesome. It’s like the Da Vinci Code. Except, way more insulting. And also? Why exactly am I still getting billionsContinue reading “How not to market to pretty much anybody”

Lesson learned

Why you should never send your husband out to buy stamps:

It’s good advice

-R- asked what she could talk about with her hairdresser after finishing the hair-talk. I suggest going straight for something personal to break the ice. Something like “How’s the vagina?” or “So what’s your stance on home-made sex tapes?”