I’d also want him to shoot me in the face for the good of humanity. It’s not *all* vanity, people.

Conversation I had this morning with my husband: Victor: What are you doing? me: I’m photo-shopping my picture to see what I’ll look like when I get turned into a werewolf. Victor: *sigh* me: I mean “if”.  If I get turned into a werewolf.  Turns out? Not such a bad look for me.  Way betterContinue reading “I’d also want him to shoot me in the face for the good of humanity. It’s not *all* vanity, people.”

Flea markets are frightening places but you can find very cheap tea towels that you can later use as blankets.

Conversation I had this weekend between myself and a very grumpy flea market vendor who reminded me a lot of my dead grampa: vendor:  That fabric you’re holding is really old.  I can let you have it for 75 cents. me: I like it, but I’m not sure what I’d do with it. vendor:  Fine.Continue reading “Flea markets are frightening places but you can find very cheap tea towels that you can later use as blankets.”

I can’t tell if I won this argument or lost it. I’d feel better if I at least had nachos.

Conversation with my husband: Victor: Look at this video. It’s about a company that invented a tool that lets you drive using only your mind. me: Awesome. I’m so glad we’re making such huge advances in the field of driving-a-car-without-hands. It’s good that the scientists have a new priority now that they’ve found a cureContinue reading “I can’t tell if I won this argument or lost it. I’d feel better if I at least had nachos.”

On a positive note, they’ll probably never ask to borrow our axe.

Actual conversation I had with my elderly neighbors the 6th time in a row that they’ve unexpectedly dropped by to meet Victor and I’ve had to tell them that he’s out of town again: me: I swear to God he really exists. Them:  Oh, we believe you. me:  You probably think I’ve chopped him upContinue reading “On a positive note, they’ll probably never ask to borrow our axe.”

The Walking Dead is a terrible documentary. (Disclaimer: if you’re British, replace “suspenders” with “braces”. Otherwise this will make even less sense than usual.)

Conversation with Victor after watching the last episode of The Walking Dead: Victor:  Meh.  Needs more zombies. me:  Right? Plus, it’s entirely unrealistic because all of their zombies are still wearing pants.  In real life there’d be zombie junk everywhere. Victor:  Um…what? me:  Think about how many times a day you have to pull outContinue reading “The Walking Dead is a terrible documentary. (Disclaimer: if you’re British, replace “suspenders” with “braces”. Otherwise this will make even less sense than usual.)”

True fact: I like Victor better before he has coffee and turns into a grown-up.

Conversation I had with Victor at the gas station that we go to every morning for coffee after we take Hailey to school: Victor:  Dude, we look fucking crazy. Everyone else in here is in a suit on the way to work.  You’re wearing pajamas and my shirt says “That’s MY potpie”. me:  We don’tContinue reading “True fact: I like Victor better before he has coffee and turns into a grown-up.”

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