Conversation with Victor after watching the last episode of The Walking Dead:
Victor: Meh. Needs more zombies.
me: Right? Plus, it’s entirely unrealistic because all of their zombies are still wearing pants. In real life there’d be zombie junk everywhere.
me: Think about how many times a day you have to pull out a wedgie or hitch up your pants. If you were a zombie you wouldn’t have enough humanity left to think about pulling up your pants even though they’d be slipping lower and lower since you’re running after people all the time so in real life most of the zombies would probably have their pants around their ankles by day two. Except for the ones whose pants are being held up simply by the horrific wedgies that they can never pull out. That’s the real tragedy of being a zombie.
me: Well, that and that you eat all your friends. And when your friends see you they’re all “Oh, well I guess that’s what Jenny’s vagina looks likeAAAAH!”
Victor: They’re…screaming about your vagina?
me: No. They’re yelling because they were distracted by my vagina and then I ate them. It’s like a really embarrassing zombie trap. But yeah, they were probably screaming about my vagina too. Zombie vagina. That sounds fucking terrifying.
Victor: Wow. So…when the zombie apocalypse comes you think your vagina…will become a trap?
me: Well, not an intentional one. That’s why when the zombie apocalypse comes I’m going to put on suspenders first thing.
Victor: Well good luck with your suspenders. I’ll be getting out the riot gun and a samurai sword.
me: You load the guns. I’ll get our suspenders.
Victor: “Our” suspenders?
me: I bought some for you. Wanna see them?
Victor: You bought me suspenders…for the zombie apocalypse.
me: Well, technically I bought you suspenders for the benefit of other people during the zombie apocalypse. If the suspenders become necessary you’ll already be dead.
me: I’m thinking of the greater good here.
Victor: Stop talking.
me: Humanitarian suspenders.
Victor: If the zombie apocalypse comes I’m killing you first.
me: That’s probably a good plan. There’s no way I’m surviving that thing. But wait till I have my suspenders on first, just in case.
Victor: No, I’ll make sure to behead you. You will not coming back.
me: Aw. Thanks babe.
And that’s why we will never get divorced. Unless you count being beheaded as a divorce. Which, I kind of do.
Unrelated: I can’t stop making stuff for my zazzle store. Has the money I’ve made been worth the time I spend inventing offensive office supplies? Not. even. remotely.