If I was a dog I’d be dead by now – Page 7

Six years ago today.

She shouldn’t be alive. The first miscarriage should have killed me. The second nearly did. The third chipped away at what was left. Four was always my lucky number. She was born and everything that had been burned away in me started to grow again. I gave her life, and then she gave me backContinue reading “Six years ago today.”

People in the country need xanax too.

Okay, so first of all my kidney infection was doing much better until last night when I seriously considered removing my left kidney myself because it hurt so much but it’s behind me and I’m not that flexible so then I thought about calling a hooker because you always hear those stories about people goingContinue reading “People in the country need xanax too.”

I missed Victor and I’m ready for him to leave again.

Victor’s home (yay!) and he leaves again tonight (mother.fucker.) but it was nice because when he got home from his work retreat he was all “I’m exhausted. Can you rub my temples?” and I was like “Um…no. I have piratitis, remember?” and he was all “Like…fear of pirates?” and I was like “No. It’s aContinue reading “I missed Victor and I’m ready for him to leave again.”

Random thoughts that should be burned

I was looking at my blog and I noticed that I have 162 posts in my draft folder. These are all posts that I started but never finished because they didn’t feel substantial enough to be published but then I thought that maybe if I clumped 3 or 4 of them together they would beContinue reading “Random thoughts that should be burned”

WTF, me? (UPDATED)

I can barely even type this because my hand is all swollen but I was just putting Barnaby Jones to bed when he suddenly did this flip which almost broke my flipping-off finger and then he ran in between my legs and I fell so hard that I couldn’t even move and the dog wasContinue reading “WTF, me? (UPDATED)”

Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Having a cold on your birthday is even worse.

I feel bad for whoever said “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard” because it was probably the thing he’s most famous for and he said it while he was on his deathbed so he totally never got any play out of it. Unless whoever said it was someone already famous like Winston Churchill or something.Continue reading “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Having a cold on your birthday is even worse.”