terrible titles – Page 3

Netflix thinks I’m a religious psychopath

So last week Victor installed Netflix on our Wii and I don’t understand how that works so I just stared at him blankly when he tried to explain it and the entire time I’m like “You are wasting money” but he did it anyway and now I can’t stop watching movies about serial killers. AndContinue reading “Netflix thinks I’m a religious psychopath”

It only took me ten years to become an overnight success. And I’m using the term “overnight success” loosely. And incorrectly. Can you be an overnight success if you plan for it to happen two years from now? Sorry. I’m not great with words.

So. I sold my book. “What book?” you may be asking. You have not been paying attention. Or possibly I haven’t mentioned it. I’m bad with details. Short story? I started a book 10 years ago as a love letter to my completely fucked-up family. It’s a mostly-true memoir called “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”Continue reading “It only took me ten years to become an overnight success. And I’m using the term “overnight success” loosely. And incorrectly. Can you be an overnight success if you plan for it to happen two years from now? Sorry. I’m not great with words.”

Your zombie armor has some serious design flaws.

My friend Shauna sent me a link to this: It’s basically a nightstand that doubles as a shield and bat for fighting zombies. And it will totally fucking get you killed. I mean, I applaud the concept but as soon as you pull out the bat you’re left with a giant exposed nail sticking outContinue reading “Your zombie armor has some serious design flaws.”

Random Ramblings of an Insomniac: Boobquakes, dangerous squirrels, things we already knew about men

I have insomnia so I’m getting a head-start on National #Boobquake Day; a day when women are encouraged to wear their most immodest outfit to see if immodest women do, in fact, cause earthquakes as reported by Iranian media. Apparently this is a real concern. So I put on my most low-cut corset and used myContinue reading “Random Ramblings of an Insomniac: Boobquakes, dangerous squirrels, things we already knew about men”

This week was like a toolbox. I can’t explain that analogy but it totally works. Just go with it, okay?

me: Scorpions never fall out of the sky and land on the right people. Victor: You know, I was just saying that. me: Really? Victor: No. No one says that. That doesn’t even make any sense. me: Well I say it. And it’s about to go on the internet. That makes it a saying. ThoseContinue reading “This week was like a toolbox. I can’t explain that analogy but it totally works. Just go with it, okay?”

I’m that kind of asshole

I hardly ever get preachy on here but I’m going to do it today because I’ve had too much caffeine to think reasonably. The Mom 2.0 Summit is coming up in a couple of days and I’ll be there. This conference is a personal favorite because it’s small, it’s run by some of my bestContinue reading “I’m that kind of asshole”