Publishing a book during a pandemic is weird as hell, as evidenced by the fact that I recorded the audiobook for Broken (in the best possible way) in my actual closet.
It was a heady mix of needy cats that I am allergic to, mixed with my own recipe for hot toddies that basically involves warm tea dosed with whatever liquor I have in the house in order to (completely inefficiently) cover the fact that I am covered in everything I’m allergic to.
I hate to listen to my own voice but I’ve seen a lot of people who’ve gotten advance copies of the Broken audiobook say that they love it so I am taking their word for it.
My publisher shared a five-minute excerpt of one of the chapters and also included a little puzzle you can do while you listen to it. Click here to check it out. (Also, the puzzle makes the most satisfying clicks when you get a piece right. It took me 18 minutes to finish it. I am bad with puzzles.)
You can get it wherever you normally get audiobooks.
Unrelated: This happened last night and I still have questions:
So last night I had this dream where I was talking to Victor about thungs and he was like, “Wtf is a ‘thung’?” and I was like, “Duh. “Thung” is the past-tense of ‘thing’. Obviously.” And in my dream Victor was like, “No, that is not a word” and then when I woke up I was still mad at Victor and I was like, “Victor, you were so dumb in my dream” and he was like, “Dream me was fucking right. ‘Thung’ is not a word” and I looked it up and he’s right and now I’m even more irrationally angry at dream Victor, real Victor and the dictionary.
PS. Victor tried to explain that verbs can be past-tense but not nouns but what about things you used to own in the past but don’t anymore? Those things should be thungs. Then Victor looked at me like I’d lost my mind and I was like, “I’M NOT CRAZY. THIS SHOULD BE A THING” and he was like, “Do you mean ‘a thung’?” and I’m not sure if he’s trying to be sarcastic or supportive, but either way, it’s not helping.
So I’m slightly late on this month’s Fantastic Strangelings book clubdiscussion because Texas. That seems like a sentence fragment until you remember how fucked up Texas was last month. But currently we’re almost totally recovered except for one pipe that froze and burst (luckily right on the outside of our house rather than inside) so yay!
So if you haven’t gotten to last month’s book (The Witch’s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec) no worries because there are no deadlines in book club, but I’m going to go ahead and open up the discussion on our Fantastic Strangelings Facebook page and here on the blog just in case you’re ready.
And in case you missed it, this month’s book is Luvvie Ajayi Jones’ Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual. I read an advance copy and it was absolutely inspiring and heartening and I think comes at time when we could all use an encouraging pep-talk from a friend. So good.
And I always pick an optional book for people who need more than one to get them through the month so may I recommend Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Shiguro? I was crying on the couch while I was reading it and Victor was like, “What the fuck?” and I could only point at the book and he was like, “I don’t think I understand reading. Maybe you should stop?” and then I filed for divorced and married the book.
Just a reminder that I’m doing a zoom call tonight with Genevieve Gornichec so I can show her how bad I am at pronouncing Norse words so if you RSVPed come and join us! As always, we’ll put the zoom call up on our Nowhere page later so you can watch me embarrass myself in front of so many authors.
SO. My new book, Broken (in the best possible way), comes out next month (!) and so many of you have preordered it or reserved virtual tour tickets or are planning to preorder it, which makes SUCH an enormous difference and I cannot thank you enough. But I can try.
Because my publisher is giving out 100 cross-stitch kits created by Subversive Cross Stitch and inspired by quotes from Broken to people who are preordering. WHOOP! Why cross-stitch? Because I spent a whole chapter talking about how embroidery got me through my Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation treatments since I was able to stab things with needles while being metaphorically stabbed in the head with magnets. (I swear that sentence will make sense after you read the book.)
There are 100 kits that will be given away by random drawing but every single person who preorders and enters the drawing will be emailed all five of the cross-stitch patterns so that you can create your own. AND I loved the patterns so much that I’m doing all five of them myself and five “lucky” winners will get a finished frame work that I stitched myself and I apologize in advance because I’m on my fifth right now and I have literally fucked up EVERY SINGLE ONE. But the great thing about embroidery is that fucking it up makes it look like it’s hand-crafted and it also gives permission to everyone else to fuck up their cross-stitch a little.
In my defense, I’m dealing with a number of embroidery obstacles, including a cat whose anxiety is only calmed by listening to my heartbeat and who I wear like a terrible, furry brooch.
All you have to do is take a pic showing you preordered the book (like a screenshot of your order or receipt) and upload it here. It’s only for America and Canada because of legal reasons but I’ll let you know if any of the international publishers do something similar. (And if you’re a member of the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club you’re already getting a signed copy next month so just upload a pic of one of my strangeling emails I’ve sent you or anything else that shows you’re a member because that totally counts as a preorder.)
So if you want to enter the drawing and get the free pdfs of the patterns just click here for details. It’s very easy.
And if you haven’t preordered already I HIGHLY recommend checking out your local indie bookstore. Nowhere Bookshop is doing really well thanks to your support but there are a lot of indie shops that are really struggling so check out Indiebound to see what local stores are near you. We’re sending thousands of signed copies of Broken to indie bookshops everywhere so check yours out.
And thank you to every single person who has recommended my books or read them or used them to prop up wobbly tables. I super crazy love you. Publishing during this weird time is more than slightly terrifying and I’m so grateful for you.
So. Yesterday my dad had his second covid vaccine. Day before my mom had her first. Today I get mine. WHOOP! I’m a bit nervous about being out of the house and so near another person but I’m incredibly relieved to be on the shot schedule in spite of the fact that one person told me that the covid vaccine contains the “mark of the beast” and another said it will change your DNA and turn you into a lizardperson. True story. Meanwhile my doctor said that the biggest thing I should be concerned with is a day or two of feeling rough after the second shot (she said she was fine after a day) and that the reports of lizard people are highly exaggerated at least as far as she’s seen.
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by my friend Alison, the creator of @get_the_f_outside, an instagram full of very funny, lovely and strange posts she shares while being an extreme solo backpacker. Personally, I very much enjoy watching her adventures because she shows me all the most amazing and gorgeous places to get the fuck outside in spite of the fact that I won’t because it means exercising and leaving my house. But I don’t have to leave my house because she solo treks all over the place and shows me what it looks like when she gets there and it’s exactly the same thing. I assume. Regardless, if you’re looking for a way to feel like you’re traveling even when you can’t, I highly recommend checking her out.
Y’all. WTF. I wrote this post yesterday morning and published it and then last night Victor was like, “Didn’t you post something new on your blog? Because I don’t see it” and then I realized that I hadn’t pressed the button after the “Are you sure you want to do this?” part and then I sighed loudly and went to bed. But then this morning I was like, “Fuck it. Let’s just publish it and then do an update under it.” So that’s happening.
What I wrote yesterday:
A week ago today it was Valentine’s and I was going to do a blind-date-with-a-book thing outside of Nowhere Bookshop and give out free copies of lightly damaged books (mostly covers with tiny imperfections that we can’t sell) or older arcs of wonderful books but then Texas froze and we entered a week of mild hell. Personally we had a lot of rolling blackouts and no water but as of today we have had power for over 24 hours straight and we finally have water again (although it still looks weird and has to be boiled) AND I had so many wonderful people get tickets for my book tour (they’re still available here) that I melted into a pool of relief.
We don’t have broken pipes (I think) and I was really worried that Nowhere would have been damaged because the building is older but it seems fine and to celebrate we are doing the postponed blind-date-with-a-book today. Also, giant apologies if you ordered something from Nowhere and it’s slow to get to you. Yesterday was the first time I saw a mail truck in a week so I know Texas is behind in general and we gave everyone at the store the week off since they were all dealing with the same bullshit weather and water and all that jazz. Thank you for your patience!
So if you want to stop by the store I’ll be waving through the window as I wrap up more books and a table of free books will be outside. I’m not there yet (gotta pack up the books here) but check my twitter or instagram because I’ll update them when I’m there and it’s set up.
What I wrote today:
So I did the blind-date-with-a-book thing and it was awesome and I suspect I enjoyed it even more than the recipients:
By the end of the day my descriptions were getting a bit more loose (“THIS BOOK CONTAINS PENISES BUT THEY’RE SCIENTIFIC SO IT’S FINE” and “I ASSURE YOU, YOU WILL LOVE IT” and I even tucked in some signed first editions and I listened through the glass as people laughed at the descriptions and children happily picked up books from the kid’s table and strangers stood at a distance and waved at each other and waited patiently for the table to clear so they could safely grab their own copy. And it was so wonderful that I plan on doing it again at least once a year.
My personal favorite was when a lady saw the table of free books and loudly said, “Oh no! They’re going out of business and I never even visited them!” and Victor yelled though the glass that we’re actually doing great in spite of the fact that we still have never opened our physical doors to the public and she was like, “Oh, thank goodness! We need books!”
Amen, lady.
A giant thanks to everyone, especially to the very patient people who may have ordered recently and had their order a bit delayed because of mail or weather. We’re getting back into the groove and most of us have power and water (although most of us still have to boil it) and we’re open again starting tomorrow for curbside pick-up. Thank you for your patience!
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