I have written and rewritten this post a dozen times but here is the gist. It’s okay if the holidays don’t look like you think they should look this year. It’s okay if you don’t have a tree up and don’t have a bunch of gifts under the tree that doesn’t exist or if you just decide to postpone xmas to next year and instead eat reheated tamales in your pajamas and watch tv and play Among Us all day. In fact, that is what we will be doing. Please feel free to join us in spirit. Or in real life if we happen to end up in the same online game lobby. (I apologize in advance for murdering you.)
I’ve been fighting off a really tough depression lately and I know I’m not alone. The holidays can be hard and sad and complicated even at the best of times and you add in the expectations of yourself and others and then multiply it with a lack of sunshine and a pandemic and it’s not wonder this year feels disorienting. So I am giving myself the gift of changing my expectations. Last night Hailey and Victor and I watched Prom (the musical) and Hailey and I loved it and Victor pretended not be into it but even he can’t deny the magic of Meryl Streep. And it was really lovely and made me realize there are probably a ton of great movies we should watch over Christmas but I don’t know what they are because I tend to focus on horror so today I am asking you for your recommendations on what we should watch during our Christmas marathon. Uplifting. Funny. Not saccharine sweet.
I’ll start. Some of our favorites lately were Ted Lasso, Enola Holmes, Happiest Season, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.
I was going to write something more serious today about how we have to give ourselves a break during this weird time but then I got overwhelmed with it and decided to give myself a break and instead do what I would do if you were here in my office with me. I would say, “Have you seen this?” and laugh as we looked at ridiculousness on the internet. So let’s do that, y’all.
For real though…I can’t do this shoot-the-thumb thing and I feel dumb:
So this week I was very surprised to find a giant mysterious package at my front door:
If I was smart I would have done an unboxing video but I am too impatient so I ripped it apart to find the taxidermied monster head I forgot I ordered.
This is not that unusual because I order stuff and forget that I ordered it all the time and it’s like a Christmas present to myself from insomniac me, and I realize that this isn’t really the sort of thing you forget about, but in my defense it’s been a month since I bought it and in ADD/quarantine time that is like 870 years ago.
It came from one of my favorite stores, Loved To Death, which recently closed its physical location but still exists online. It was the store guardian for many years and I always loved it because to me it’s the perfect combination of Jabborwocky mixed with Where the Wild Things Are and I thought it would be great for the bookstore because it’s so literary but Elizabeth was like, “what. no. stop” and also I didn’t remember how enormous it was so there’s no way I could hang it at the store and not have children hang on it and/or be devoured by it so now it lives in my house.
The lights in the room sort of make it hide in the shadows and I realize it might look a little unsettling at night as you can tell by this picture of Dorothy Barker who seems to be in the process of literally shitting herself.
But in the daylight is it exactly the lovely, protective guardian I knew that it would be and after we sprinkle a little holy water on it I’m quite sure that Victor will learn to love it and not sigh heavily every time he passes by it.
But now there’s the problem of a name.
I’ve been giving it a new name every few hours but lately I’ve been stuck on Bernard because it really looks like a Bernard and also that was the name Maurice Sendak gave one of the Where the Wild Things Are monsters. But then I’m like, am I wasting a monster because there are so many good names and I also like Tina Fang, Bitey White, Matt Demon, Slay Bradbury, Will Feral and Tooth Bader Ginsburg and JESUS I NEED HELP.
Victor agrees, but probably not for the same reason.
PS. Want to see its original iteration from 9 years ago when it was made by Ranson & Mitchell? Of course you do. And here’s a bit of background on how it was made.
PPS. Utterly unrelated, but a bunch of you asked for a bloggess 2021 calendar so here it is. Because 2020 has to end eventually.
Hello, and welcome to book club! I’m a bit late on this but time means nothing during quarantine so let’s just say that I’m right on time, okay? And I have a fairly good excuse because a few days ago Victor broke his foot saving orphans from wild bears. That’s they way he’d like me to phrase it. In truth, I told him to kiss me and he said, “NO!” like an angry toddler and started speed walking away from me and I laughed and started speed walking after him and then he did this dumb walk to make me laugh and slipped and fell, so basically he broke his shit while I was chasing him, yelling, “LET ME LOVE YOU.” Then we were too afraid to go to the ER because of covid and twitter was like “Just find a podiatrist, you sweet idiot” and we did and turns out he has a torn tendon and is now in a boot. And now I’m basically his maid and when I was helping him get out of bed I misjudged where he was an punched him right in the face. Long story short, WE’RE GREAT HOW ARE YOU?
Aaaanyway, we’re just about to send out December’s Fantastic Strangeling Book Club Pick to you so I figured I should start up a thread discussing last month’s book. (As always, most of the discussion happens on the Fantastic Strangelings Facebook page but I always do a blog post as well in case you’re not a Facebook fan. And, as always, no rush if you haven’t finished the book. There are no deadlines in book club! The threads remain open for whenever you’re ready for it.)
Also, in case you missed it, this month’s book is The Thirty Names of Night, by Zeyn Joukhadar and it is divine. And as a special thank you to our members we’re slipping a small Fantastic Strangelings bookmark into your copy so that you can have Dorothy Barker gaze at you over your books as well:
And we do have memberships available right now so if you become a Fantastic Strangelings member this week you’ll still be able to get this book and the bookmark too.
I’ll put my thoughts on her book in the comments but just a reminder that Megan is going to be doing a live zoom book club talk with us to discuss the book with me next week (yay!) so if you’re a member go look for an email that went out a few days ago that’ll let you RSVP for free. (We’ll put it on our youtube channel later if you can’t make it or are an honorary member.)
Hello and welcome to year 11 (ELEVEN?!) of the James Garfield Miracle!
What is the James Garfield Miracle, you ask? You must be new here. Welcome! It’s basically a day celebrating the time I bought a jolly taxidermied boar which morphed into a day where parents who are really struggling can get a present for their child this holiday season. It’s a very strange community project of strangers helping strangers anonymously and it’s pretty great.
I thought last year would be the end of the James Garfield Miracle because it’s gotten large and unwieldy and the one or two scammers who pop up often ruin it for the thousands of wonderful people who help or are helped, but I need a little holiday pick-me-up so this weekend I am Santa on a very small scale. We’ve tried lots of iterations of this with all levels of success but this year things are a little tighter in my household and I suspect I’m not alone so this year we’re going to keep it very simple and go back to the basics and hopefully it will still bring smiles to a lot of people and also make it something so simple that no scammer would care about.
So this year I am sending out 100+ teddy bears to kids.
That’s it. Just sweet, snuggly teddy bears. Well, not just teddy bears because the teddy bears have eyes that babies can swallow (stop swallowing eyes, weird babies) so I’m also adding a few other stuffed animals you can choose from if you have an eye-devouring baby or your child has a bear phobia or Amazon sells out of teddy bears.
But that’s it. Simple. Easy. Not perfect because in a perfect world everyone would get everything they need but I’d like to imagine that even people who may be disappointed that we’re just doing stuffed animals will at least be happy imagining all the kids finding unexpected fluffy new stuffed animals in their arms this holiday. It makes me smile, at least.
So, if you are struggling this year and you need help getting your child a present for Hannukau/Christmas/whateveryoucelebrate then I am ready to Santa Claus it up and drop one lovely plushie at your doorstep.
Jellycat 12 inch bunny (If you’d prefer the cheaper 7″ one instead that’s totally cool.)
Currently these are all between $15-$23 each but Amazon can be wonky about changing up the prices daily or running out of stock so if I see that happening I’ll come back here to add other choices to choose from to replace any that sell out this weekend or suddenly skyrocket in price from $20 to $180. (Wtf, Amazon?) If I haven’t bought you a stuffy it’s probably because they sold out, jacked up the price or you forgot your address.
(Also, I always use the profits I make on affiliate links to buy toys for kids so that means that if you’ve clicked on one this year then you are the reason why I’m going to be able to buy toys for at least 100 kids this year. That is amazing and I’m so grateful. Thank you!)
The wishlists will be posted in the comments so (as always) if you want to buy a present for a stranger you totally can. Or you can donate to Project Night Night, an amazing organization that provides a tote bag, book, stuffed animal and security blanket to homeless or displaced kids throughout the year. They are AMAZING and the have more requests than they can fill so I cannot recommend them enough.
(Also, I know a lot of you are asking why I don’t just do this through my bookshop instead of Amazon and I’d love to but 1) our wonderful employees would be swamped with extra work since we only have three right now 2) we don’t have a way to make a registry work online yet. But maybe one day we’ll figure it out and have enough employees to do it and be able to use all the profits to help more people. Just not this year.)
SO…if you want in on this you have to read all the directions and stick to the rules or otherwise you will be set on fire and pushed out a moving plane. Or maybe I’ll just delete your comment and look at you with that disappointed look your mom gives you when she knows you’re trying but are still fucking up. One of those. Here are the rules:
IF YOU WANT TO GIVE:
Okay, how do I do this?
You are my special angel. Just look in the comments and find someone who has an unfilled Wishlist. I’m going to buy at least 100 but there are always more than I can handle. (If there’s nothing on their list it means their toy was already bought- yay!) Buy their present and make sure when you check out that you select their shipping address. (It won’t give you their full address but it’ll tell you the town you’re shipping it to.) If you try to fill a wishlist but it doesn’t give you a shipping address to choose that means the person didn’t assign a shipping address to the list so delete their present out of your cart and go to the next wishlist. If it says “these are duplicates. Someone else may have already bought this” when you try to check out then someone else already bought the stuff so delete it and try another one.
But what if I don’t live in America?
Check the comments because we often have Canadians and others outside the US who need help and I can’t fill those lists because shipping kills me so if you want to adopt a family, this is a great way to do it.
IF YOU NEED HELP:
You are my special angel. Here are the things you have to know: You have to make a BRAND NEW wishlist, you can only choose one stuffed animal per child to put on your wishlist, and it has to be one of the ones above. In your comment you need to say the city and State you’re in (it has to match what you have on your wishlist), how many kids you have, and a link to your wishlist. (Add your country to the comment you’re outside of the US so people in your area can find you.) Do not make multiple wish lists. Just make one. One of the most important things (people do this wrong every year so PLEASE do this part right) is that you have to assign a shipping address for this specific wishlist. I’ll give you the details on setting up the wishlist below.
What if I want to make wish lists to surprise other people who I think need help?
Nope. But you can totally tell them to come here and make their own.
I’ve never done this before. How do I make a wishlist?
It’s pretty easy if you follow the formula. I’ll walk you through:
On Amazon, click on Accounts & Lists and then “Create a list”.
Name it “James Garfield plushies” then choose “create list”.
On the right you’ll see something that says “…More“. Click on that and choose “Manage list.” Change “private” to “PUBLIC” so I can see it. In the description part box just put how many kids your list is for. YOU MUST ADD YOUR ADDRESS FOR THIS SPECIFIC LIST so click on the drop-down for the shipping address and change it from “none” to your address. PLEASE DON’T SKIP THIS PART. Make sure that the checkboxes for “keep purchased items on your list” and “don’t spoil my surprises” are NOT selected. Save changes.
Now just go pick one of the stuffed lovies for your child. When you have the one you want click on the “Add to list” drop down arrow on the right (under where the price is) and then select your “James Garfield 2020” list. Click “view your list” to make sure it’s there. If everything is right you should have your stuffed animal(s) on the page and it should say it’s public and your address should show up in the “…more” box.
If you have another kid just go back to the list and pick a present for them and add it to the same list.
Copy the link to your wishlist. Now you go to the comments below and leave a comment saying how many kids you have, what city and state you are in, and a paste in the link to your wishlist. That’s it!
PS. Please please please double check before you hit the submit button that you have assigned a shipping address to your wishlist, that your comment has a link to your wishlist, the city and state you live it and the number of kids you have. Love!
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