All of the things that don’t fit anywhere else.

in Random Crap

Hey.

I’ve had a rough time of things lately but today I feel human so let’s talk about all the stuff I haven’t told you because my head was too in-the-shit to let me write or even think that anything I had to say was worth writing down.

So. I had a meeting with my shrink and if the world wasn’t covered in plague I’d probably be doing a more extreme sort of treatment but since I can’t leave the house I’m instead doing the old-fashioned kickstarter of exercising and medication and hydration and self-care and all of the things that you’re supposed to be doing but I never do entirely correctly. Its too damn hot to be outside for long periods so if you have any suggestions on exercise videos I’m game. I don’t know anything about anything so if there’s a video you love that I can do please let me know…dance, yoga, tai chi…whatever.

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accurate lol

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Nowhere Bookshop is still going well, thank God. We’re still not open to the public but we’re doing curbside pick-up and online sales and we currently have openings in the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club if you want in. (We’ll be discussing this month’s book later this week and announcing next month’s book soon. It’s so good.) And next week I’ll do a livestream in the store so you can explore it with me and I can show you how amazing it is.

I’ve been working a lot on the cover of my next book. (It comes out next year.) I’d wanted to do taxidermy but nothing looked perfect, although this (online) find of old squirrels repurposed to be dancing/ fighting/dance-fighting was a real possibility for a bit…

But in the end I decided to partner with one of my favorite artists to doing something very, very different and I really hope you love it as much as I do. Still working out the final details but I’ll share it with you really soon.

My shrink recommended that I read more and laugh more and find things that make me smile and so I started a whole folder of things on instagram that made me laugh and I’m sharing a few with you here just in case you’re in the same strange headspace as me.

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Emilioooooo

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https://www.instagram.com/p/CBwUnPzD9z0/
https://www.instagram.com/p/CCJ2tQYFlAc/
https://www.instagram.com/p/CCEJrvpDhXC/
https://www.instagram.com/p/CBnry1PnXGE/

Still here? Me too. Sending you love, sweet friend.

I made you something.

in Random Crap

I’ve been too weird to write lately but I made you something.

Well, technically I made it for me to keep my hands and head busy, but maybe you need something as well.

(click to embiggen)

As always, you can print it, color it, burn it, whatever makes you happy.

The world is very weird. But so are we.

in Random Crap

So between my immune-compromised body and the fact that the injections I take for my RA make me very susceptible to infections that means Victor, Hailey and I are now four months into very strict social distancing. We’ve learned to cut each other’s hair and we wave to the grocery delivery person through the windows. Hailey takes music lessons on zoom and attends virtual camp. The fine arts high school she auditioned for accepted her this year but she’ll be doing online learning until things are safer. We are very, very lucky to have the ability to sequester ourselves so fully but it’s still hard.

Once a week we sneak over to the bookstore after everyone else is gone (our doors still aren’t open, btw, but we are doing curbside service if you’re local and need distractions) and we work and decorate and read and bring home books to keep us company. Victor pointed out that being locked in an abandoned bookstore seems entirely my sort of heaven and he’s completely right but I explained that it’s a bit sad and bittersweet and that I wished I could transport my sister in an astronaut suit so she could be here safely and I could show her the store even though it’s still not finished. And he was like, “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED” and I assumed he was insane but then a week later Lisa showed up at the store.

IN ROBOT ARMOR.

Sort of.

Basically he contacted Technology One and they were awesome enough to mail us a robot for the day so that my family could “walk” through the store with me and we could visit and feel *almost* normal. If you can feel normal talking to your robotic sister (and niece and dog) who’ve dialed in from California to be in an abandoned bookstore that might also be haunted.

These videos are already outdated because our amazing team has done a ton of work lately but I’m still sharing it so you can see the progress. And in a week or two I’m planning on doing a non robotic livestream just for you where you can watch as I explore the store and show you some of my favorite things and you can shop live if you like. (Still working out the kinks so check back for details.)’

(Giant thanks to Technology One for letting us play with one of their robots, which was strange and wonderful and the closest thing to a family reunion I’ve had in far too long.)

Wear a mask. Be a hero.

in Random Crap

If you’re a regular reader you know that I only do sponsored posts once in a blue moon and only for the few companies I really love myself. I’ve written about eShakti before because I LOVE their clothes and the fact that almost all of their dresses have pockets, but when they contacted me recently about a sponsored post I was like, “Yeah, but the only thing I’ve been wearing lately is masks” and they were like, “Dufus. That’s exactly what we have.” I’m paraphrasing. What they actually said was that for a few months their factory ran with limited capacity and only made masks provided to civil workers on the frontline and other non-governmental organizations. They got no revenues but they were able to make a difference. Now they’re able to offer clothes again but they had such a huge response from customers asking for their masks, so…they pivoted. So now you can buy their clothes or their masks, or both. And they continue to give a free mask to charity for every mask they sell because they’re awesome.

They sent me a whole bunch of masks which I shared with family and friends who needed them and I kept a few for myself because I love them. And they’re giving out gift cards to four of you so you can buy masks or clothes yourself. Just leave a comment and you’ll get an email with a gift card code if you’re randomly selected. (I never sell or share your email address.)

So what kind of masks do they have? Honestly, you just need to look because there are so many fabrics and styles and features it’s sort of insane, but in a good way. There are different features to choose from, like neckbands so you can take the masks off easily, or adjustable earpieces, pockets for filters, nose wires to make them fit better, and they use a UV tunnel to sterilize the masks before they’re shipped out.

These were the ones Hailey picked for herself. Embroidered celestial symbols, cat faces, musical notes and eyeballs.
They have simple ones. They have fancy ones.
The starry scarf mask they sent me perfectly matched the caped dress I bought from them last year and I feel like a fucking super hero when I wear it. Which is fitting because when you wear a mask you are saving other people. It’s literally the easiest way to be a superhero.

Plus, when I wear the bandana masks I feel like an old fashioned train robber.

So. Stay home if you can. Wear a mask if you can’t. Social distance. Wash your hands. Take care of yourself and others. It’s what makes the world go around.

I feel like I’m doing this backward.

in Random Crap

Victor: I don’t even know why I’m asking this but why are you cutting up pantyhose?

me: Remember a few weeks ago when I was having sex with my cantaloupe plant?

Victor: Yep, and I just remembered why I don’t ask questions.

me: Well, it totally worked and now I’m a mother!

Victor: I think technically you’d be a father, but yeah, I know. You show me pictures of your cantaloupe every day.

me: This is the new me. Four months of not leaving the house. I’ve become that woman who takes beauty shots of her single cantaloupe.

Victor: Still not sure where the pantyhose comes in.

me: Well, last night that fat raccoon was in the backyard-

Victor: The one you tried to pick up because you thought it was a stray cat.

me: It was dark. Hailey thought it was a cat too. IT WASN’T JUST ME.

Victor: *sigh*

me: Anyway, I read that sometimes raccoons will cut a hole in your canteloupes and scoop out all the meat so I’m wrapping it up with panty hose. Raccoons hate pantyhose. Probably.

Victor: Huh.

me: It feels weird though…putting lingerie on the plant I already impregnated.

Victor: Yeah. It’s…weird.

me: I mean, the order. Not the pantyhose. That’s pretty brilliant, I think.

Victor: *silence*

me: Also, I saw these tiny webs on the leaves and the internet says that means it’s probably aphids so I just ordered 2,000 live ladybugs.

Victor: What.

me: Because ladybugs eat aphids like crazy.

Victor: The same ladybugs that fly away immediately? Those are what you bought?

Me: Yes, BUT apparently if you put them in the fridge when they come in they get cold and lazy and that way when I release them they hang around longer. So don’t open any bags in the fridge unless you know for sure it isn’t bugs.

Victor: *internally weeping probably*

me: Also, I bought a tiny house for ladybugs to live in. So that’s good.

Victor: This is going to be the most expensive cantaloupe anyone has ever grown.

me: Which is why I have to wrap it in pantyhose so the raccoon doesn’t get it. You get me now?

Victor: Not even a little.

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