So today Victor found me in the backyard painting the cantaloupe flowers like some terrible Alice-in-Wonderland and he threatened to call the doctor because clearly I was mad from heatstroke.
But then I explained that I wasn’t “painting flowers” because that’s ridiculous and I explained that I was having sex with the cantaloupes. Then he was more concerned so I explained that the cantaloupe I’d planted was growing like crazy but that the flowers never turned into melons so the internet said that probably the male and female flowers weren’t fertilizing each other and that I should use a paintbrush to scoop out pollen from the male flower and dump it in the female flower, but that I was having a real problem because I couldn’t tell which ones were male or female because none of them seems to have penises or pollen and I explained that I’d found ants in a bunch of the flowers and I wasn’t sure if they were pollinating the flowers or just eating all the penises and I wasn’t sure if I should be getting rid of the ants or thanking them.
Then Victor shook his head and walked back inside as I shouted, “YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO WHEN YOU MARRIED ME,” which isn’t entirely accurate because it’s hard to imagine you’ll ever find your wife sexing up the cantaloupes in her lady garden but honestly, I’m just trying to feed us and save money on fruit so a little less judgement would be nice.
So Nowhere Bookshop is still not open to the public because of the plague but instead of being sad about that I’m focusing on the positives, because honestly, there are quite a few…
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by StoryWorth, who I super love. It makes an amazing Father’s Day gift and it’s one of the best gifts I’ve ever given my parents.From them:” These days it’s more important than ever to stay in touch with your loved ones. If your phone calls with family are starting to sound repetitive, StoryWorth is a great way to prompt meaningful conversations. Once a week for a year, they’ll receive an email with a question about their life. All they have to do is reply with a story, which is forwarded to you and any other family members you invite. After a year, their stories are bound in a beautiful keepsake book your family will cherish!” For real, I’ve done it for both my parents and it is fantastic. Plus it’s a really good distraction. Click here and you’ll get $10 off.
A quarter of a year in and we’re still hiding from the plague in our house and that has meant that I’ve had to learn a number of new skills, including dog grooming, vacuum repair, amateur plumbing, how to turn on a stove and (on two occasions) light firefighting inside the kitchen.
Victor asked me to cut his hair but I don’t anything about hair cutting so I got an electric trimmer and practiced on the dog and I’m pretty sure the terrible job I did on Dorothy Barker should have been a good warning but Victor was desperate so we sat on the porch as I buzzed off inches of hair and I was very grateful that he has super bushy hair because it’s a bit more forgiving but then the wind picked up the clumps of his hair on the ground and out of the corner of my eye it looked exactly like a giant horde of spiders was skittering toward me and I may have screamed and dropped the clippers directly onto Victor’s head and he sort of glared at me but in my defense he is the reason I’m going grey so it’s only fair that I’m the reason he’s temporarily balding on just one side of his head.
I just realized that this week will mark 3 months that I’ve been in isolation. A quarter of a year locked in a sort of pause. I’ve left my yard four times in these months, because I’m immunocompromised and I’m afraid of getting sicker. I work at home and write and try to help with the bookstore, but at a distance, or I sneak up there late at night to do small things when I can. Mainly though it’s been our amazing team (Elizabeth, Vicky and Matt) working in shifts to put together furniture and start stocking the shelves and mailing out books and setting up zooms and doing amazing work so that one day when it’s safe we can open our doors for you.
There’s still a lot to be done and so many more books to stock and words to paint on walls and displays to make and tables to assemble and community spaces to create, but this weekend I snuck up to the store and – if you look at it with just the right kind of eyes – it looked like an actual fucking bookshop.
MOTHERFUCKING BOOKS, Y’ALL.
I went through the stacks and saw so many books I already love and so many more I want to read and I may have yelled, “I’M SHOPLIFTING ALL OF THESE” and then Victor glowered at me a little because apparently that’s not how “good business” works.
But as I walked through the store I could imagine what it will be like when it’s fully stocked. When we add murals and signs and possibly some light taxidermy in lovely outfits and a 4 foot pig who we’ve agreed can hang out in the back hall by the bathrooms because not everyone loves him like I do.
“I want to paint little phrases all over the store,” I tell Victor. “Like, over the exit it should say something like, “IT CAN BE DANGEROUS OUT THERE. ARM YOURSELF WITH A GOOD BOOK.”
He tells me that I just want permission to vandalize stuff and that’s partially true but it’s more than that. I hope when Nowhere opens it feels magical to everyone who enters…a true sort of sanctuary that only ever existed to me in bookstores and libraries.
I watch people pass by the store and look inside. They stare at the sign we put up telling them that we aren’t open yet but will be one day soon when it’s safer for everyone. It feels sad. And so I made a new sign…
Don’t strain your eyes. Keep scrolling.
After I posted the new sign I sat in my car and watched people pass by the store. Most didn’t notice the sign and that’s fine. But one man did, and he smiled and then read the sign to the two young children he had with him. And their eyes widened and they cupped their hands around their eyes to look inside. They pointed at shadows and searched for signs of the basilisk. One of them tried to open the door, as her dad laughed. Kids are impossibly brave. Their imaginations are full. For them, magic is always present…adventure is possible….monsters are real, but they can be changed or tamed or vanquished.
And they’re right. We just need to be reminded once in awhile.
I’ve been sharing a drawing every week of the plague (except I think I lost a week to depression. Sorry) and it’s time for a new one.
Click to embiggen
As always, you can print it, color it, burn it, whatever you like.
The world is a scary place. Every day it seems so a little more.
People are angry, and rightly so. And some scream and some fight and some whisper and cry…and all, I suspect, feel a little lost sometimes.
It’s such a human thing that brings us all together, as much as we may hate to admit it. So whether you are feeling lost in the world or your life or your own head, know that we are with you. Know that there are kind people fighting to make the world a better place and that you will find your place in it. Again and again.
I promise.
PS. I shared this on social media this week but just in case you don’t follow me on insta or twitter and need a reminder:
If you look hard enough you can see when I go missing. I hole up inside my head and I drop off of the internet and I don’t return calls or emails. I tend to disappear from myself at the same time. I put on a smile the same way that I put on a mask when I leave the house…because I’m contagious in a way. If I spend enough time around you you’ll feel it. Empathetic people or people with their own demons are most vulnerable.
Sometimes I wonder if this thing in my head is like a virus. Maybe I pick it up from the wind when the world is on fire. Sometimes, when it’s very bad I worry that I’m making the world worse with my broken mind. I know it’s not true, rationally, but rational doesn’t really translate in my head when things get sideways.
I am very lucky. I have such amazing support and fantastic tools and medicine and doctors and a community of people behind me. And still I struggle. So perhaps today you don’t have all of that behind you. Or maybe you do but you’re still struggling…with the things in your head or the things that are real and terrifying. Wherever you are, right now, I want you to know how needed you are. I want you to know that you are important and loved and that even if you feel alone, know that you are not. You make so much more of a difference than you know…just by being alive. Just by being here.
If you can, text a few people today to let them know that you care. I don’t know why but it helps. It helps them and it feels like a tiny lifeline even if they don’t respond. It reminds you that you love. It reminds you of the good things that tether you to reality rather than the lies your brain may tell you. It reminds you that people are worth fighting for…and that one of those people is you.
If you are reading this, I love you.
**********
And now, the weekly wrap-up.
Except…well, not exactly because honestly I’m a bit too tired to round up all the links of stuff that happened this week and I’m giving myself permission to skip all of that because I know you’ll understand. And this post is sponsored but I’m donating the proceeds to the San Antonio Food Bank because they really need help right now.
This week’s wrap-up is sponsored by Wild Yonder Botanicals (1% for the Planet Member) have brought back monthly delivery of their gem and honey infused minerals bath salts! They can be used for a relaxing bath or as a body scrub! They are made with pure essential oils, resins and herbs and are infused with biodynamic organic honey they pick up locally from the longest running biodynamic farm in the country. You can also choose to have face scrubs delivered too 🙂 Starting at just $7.99 a month with tons of love and shipping included. You should check them out here.
The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”. Often irreverent, always honest.
Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.
Wonder and Joy for the Wired and Tired: Feeling wired, tired, and stretched too thin? You’re not alone. Re-ignite your sense of childlike wonder, joy, and well-being with this enlightening and entertaining book by Dr. Pam Stephens Lehenbauer, well-being thought leader and author of the blog, Mother Nature’s Apprentice.
Stuff and Thangs from Xanaru: A mostly funny stuff about my quest for happiness through stories, art, friendship, Great Danes, one naked weirdo alien cat and indiscriminate swearing.
How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.
Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic
Vanilla Hour: A Love Story Across Time by Neer Ya is a literary novel spanning decades and cities, from Delhi to Tokyo to Goa, that follows Dr. Nandini Yadav, a geochemist and single mother, as a school reunion forces her to finally confront the buried secrets of a past love, trauma, and the man whose shadow lingers in her daughter’s smile.
Sunday Comics With Cooper and Fitz: A light-hearted comic strip about two sibling felines and their life with their adopted family: their relationship is complicated but hilarious, and navigating life with humans adds to the fun.
