Okay, so last week I got an email asking if I was interested in interviewing Katherine Heigl and I ignored it because I’m irresponsible. I also ignored the email I got on the same day asking if I wanted to interview the guy who plays Sportacus on Lazy Town (true story). The Lazy Town person gave up after the first email but the PR chick from the Katherine Heigl interview sent me another email telling me that Katherine Heigl specifically asked for me to be on the call. Then I realized it was one of those “interviews” where a lot of bloggers get on at once to ask questions and I never do those but I thought it would be rude to not send Katherine a question if she specifically asked me for one. So I emailed the PR chick back:
I did get your email but I’m not actually free on the 24th. I’m flattered though that Katherine reads my blog and I do actually have one question to ask. I’m sure she’s swamped but perhaps you could pass this along and she could just email me back with her answer? Here is my question:
Hi Katherine! Can you please settle an argument that my husband and I are having? In your last movie you call the baby that you have to adopt “Sofie”. I say it’s probably short for “Sofa” but my husband says that’s ridiculous because it would be irrelevant to shorten “Sofa” to “Sofie” since they both take exactly the same amount of time to say. I retorted that maybe her full name is “Sofa-Cushion” and he said that was ludicrous because “real people don’t have hyphens in their first names” because apparently he’s never heard of T-Pain or Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy. He thinks “Sofie” more likely short for “Softball”. Can you please settle this for us?
Then Adrienne informed me that they would do the call another day and tried to get me to put up a widget or giveaway something. I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention at that point because I was drunk. My response to Adrienne:
I might be able to do the 27th but I don’t do giveaways or widgets on my blog so I’d probably just write about the call and put a link to the movie at most. Will I be able to ask my question though or is this one of those calls where you just end up listening and never speaking? Because I think this sofa-softball issue is one that movie-goers are wondering about.
Also, I have a follow-up question for Katherine about leaving my daughter to her in case of my untimely death because I plan on bestowing joint guardianship to Katherine and Oprah. Can you let me know if Katherine and Oprah have any bad blood between them, because if so we need to work that shit before I put anything in writing. Also, Flo from the Progressive commercials will be named as an adopted Aunt because I think she’ll be good at keeping things light-hearted whenever Oprah started taking herself too seriously. And for my daughters adopted uncle I’m choosing Sea-biscuit, because who doesn’t want a pony for an uncle? Fuck. *I* want a pony for an uncle. My husband isn’t totally on board with this yet. Probably because of the hyphen in Sea-Biscuits name. I’m not sure what his problem is.
I never got a clear answer from Adrienne but I went ahead and called in an hour ago to listen to the call AND THEY NEVER EVEN ASKED MY QUESTIONS. Like, not even one, y’all. Because apparently no one cares if my orphaned child is raised in a hostile environment. Or maybe because Katherine Heigl wants to use the name “Sofa-Cushion” for her next child and didn’t want everyone else stealing it.
Conclusion: Katherine Heigl is a little bit selfish and Sportacus needs to find more aggressive PR people.
PS. I’m totally renaming all of my cats “Sofa-cushion” out of sheer spite.
PPS. Katherine Heigl is really very nice and now that I’m thinking about it I’m sure she probably did not intentionally kabosh my questions because that would be fucking insane. More likely Adrienne decided to steal my questions and submit them to Katherine as her own so that Katherine and Oprah would adopt her child. And this is exactly why I never trust PR people.