Who the fuck has never heard of a chalupa? (Updated. Now with more apologies.)

I wrote this post weeks ago but then I got distracted and never published it and now I can’t remember the ending but I’m super-hurty from an arthritis flair-up so I’m posting it like it really all happened yesterday.  I am the worst blogger ever.

So yesterday I spent the day with Maile, Rachel, Laura and Karen to help with Karen’s book signing and it was a strange whirlwind of sweatshops, igloos, tv appearances and possible house invasions and right now I am completely, inadvertently high so this post might not make any sense.  As always, it’s ripped entirely from twitter and my journal.  You can totally skip it if you want.

9am:  Arrived at the local NBC set to watch Karen being interviewed about her book.  I’m sitting in the green room with Maile and Karen and some guy from a fitness club and he’s all “I’m here today to teach people how to dance the zumba” and I’m all “Those robotic vacuum cleaners?” and Maile’s like “No.  That’s the Roomba.”  Then I decided to just be quiet but I noticed that the sign leading to the bathroom was also leading to the sound stage and I was thinking how fun it would be to sneak in there accidentally and Karen just gave me this look like “WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?” and I was all “I like your sweater” because I was trying to distract her.  Then the anchor came in and lead us on to the set and they let me and Maile (it’s pronounced Miley) stand in the back with Karen, and I introduced us as Karen’s entourage and I was going to say that I’m like a groupie except that I don’t do blow-jobs but Karen looked a little tense so instead I just said it on twitter and then everyone on twitter was like “Poor Karen.  You’re a terrible groupie” and I was all “You guys, I would totally give her a blow-job if she like NEEDED one.  Because I care.  But she’s fine.”  And then everyone was all “Well, have you even asked her?” and they had a point so I leaned over to Karen who was waiting for her cue and I was all “You don’t need a blow-job, do you?” and I said it while shaking my head “no” like I already knew what the answer was and she was all “What?!” but she had to whisper it because they were back on air and I was all “I’m just checking.  For twitter” and then she just stared at me and she was like “I’m. fine.”  And I was relieved but part of me didn’t even believe her because she looked stressed but possibly it was just because I threatened to flash her in the middle of her segment.  But I totally didn’t.  I love that girl.

Maile, Karen and my cell phone camera which needs a flash. True story: I'm wearing my pajamas here. PS. Arthritis makes your hands swell up so much that they look like they need to go on a diet. Awesome.

Then we went to eat and there was a tostada on the menu and Karen was all “What’s a tostada?” and I was like “Uh…it’s like a chalupa.  Obviously.”  And then she said (I’m not exaggerating) “Oookay.  What’s a chalupa?”  And I’m all “Are you fucking KIDDING ME?” and no.  No, she wasn’t.  Also, she’s never eaten an enchilada.  For real, y’all.  It was like having lunch with an Amish person.  Except that I’m pretty sure Amish people can eat enchiladas.  I don’t actually know that much about Amish people.  But I do know that being a grown-up and never having eaten an enchilada is a goddam tragedy.

Then we didn’t have anything to do and Karen was getting kind of testy about the whole chalupa thing so we asked Maile to take us to her factory where she makes her Epiphanie Bags except that it was more like Karen said “Put us to work in your factory” and I was all “I’ve never seen a sweatshop!” and Maile was like “It’s not a sweatshop and I’m not letting you work there” and we were like “WE WANT TO WORK IN YOUR SWEATSHOP”.  So we did.  Karen and I made 114 cardboard boxes and I was all “This is awesome.  And you can pay us in wallets!” but then turns out that Maile doesn’t even make wallets and so I stopped working and instead I built a giant igloo out of all the cardboard boxes AND IT WAS AWESOME.  I totally want to get paid in igloos from now on.

I look depressed in this picture but that's only because I couldn't figure out how to get my awesome igloo out of Maile's tiny sweatshop doors.

Then we went to Karen’s booksigning and I don’t really remember anything about it because she had it in a bar that specializes in chocolate martinis.  Also, instead of olives they used roofies.  Probably.  Then we went back to Maile’s house and she has one of those artistically beautiful houses that makes you think that she must not have children but then you find out that she has LOTS of children and you kind of hate her a little but then the next morning I went to turn on the bathroom sink and THE HANDLE FUCKING BROKE OFF IN MY HANDS.   And I just kind of sat there in a paralyzed panic watching the water pour out and I was trying to reattach the handle but it wouldn’t work and I considered just running out of the house but I knew that they’d know that I was the only person irresponsible enough to flood an entire bathroom without telling anyone so instead I called to Maile and I was all “Is it possible that I just got incredible hulk super-strength?” and she was all “Um…what?” and I was like “This is for you” and I handed her part of her own sink and she was like “Oh.  That was already broken”.  Then I felt relieved and also a little bit disappointed.

Then I went home but when I pulled up I saw that the front door was missing and instead there was a big black tarp covering the opening and there had been two home invasions in our neighborhood so I was all “OMG WE’VE BEEN ROBBED” and I kept calling Victor but he didn’t answer even though the car was in the drive and so I dialed 9 and 1 and then snuck around back to look in the windows and I saw a stranger in our house but I didn’t know if it was a robber or a policeman and then I screamed and fell down a little because just then Victor tapped me on the back and was all “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?”  Then Victor explained that the stranger in our house was there repainting the front door and that he didn’t answer the phone because he was too busy trying to figure out why I was creeping around the backyard peeking into my own windows.  Also, he said I was very obvious and made a terrible stalker.  Awesome.

Maybe next time write something on the outside of the tarp like "Your murdered family isn't in here. I'm just painting your door. Also, I totally know what chalupas are. EVERYONE DOES." The last part is optional.

If I was a better blogger this would have an ending that wrapped everything up succinctly and with verve but I’m on a lot of pain medication so please just pretend that happened, okay?

PS.  I just spell checked this post and spellcheck was all “‘Chalupa’?  Did you mean ‘chalk’?”  It’s also telling me that “tostada” is not a real word.  Conclusion:  Spell-check is racist.

UPDATED: Apparently I owe Karen an apology because based on the comments the majority of you people have never even seen a chalupa and several readers from Mexico have pointed out that chalupas don’t even exist there. So I’d like to apologize for my incredibly insular viewpoint that was even more wrong than usual. I promise to never use the c-word to insult anyone again. Unless it’s that other c-word that is not food-related. I reserve the right to keep using that one.

Comment of the day: I first heard of the Chalupa in 1996 when the registers at the local Taco Bell started displaying the message “Try our new Chalupa!” The problem is that my local Taco Bell didn’t start selling Chalupas until 1999. So for three years I was left to wonder, “What the eff is a Chalupa?” Every month I would ask the manager. Every month he would solemnly shake his head and say “I don’t know, son. I just don’t know.”

Then in 1999 my girlfriend went to the bathroom for like a half-hour and right when I started to get really worried she came back out. With a Chalupa. I was like “What the hell is that?” and she was like “It’s a Chalupa.” and I was all “What the fuck is a Chalupa, and how did you get one in the bathroom?!”

It turns out that there was an outside door in the bathroom and she had just gone to Taco Bell, but I’ll never forget her Bathroom Chalupa. ~ Adam Jones

199 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Thank you for the great post. Also, thank you for teaching me that the possibility of having the first post on an awesome blog makes one into the kind of dork who writes: “First post!”

  2. flooding…sympathy for Australia.

  3. No, spellcheck just proves that IT’S NOT WEIRD TO NOT KNOW WHAT A CHALUPA IS.

    Karen from Chookooloonks recently posted 2 really great ways to start a new year.

  4. I totally had to go Wiki chalupa, but you probably don’t know what a poutine is, so I think we’re even!

    Julie

  5. You kill me. Also, for the first few seconds, I thought was about a Chuppah. Since weddings scare me, I almost skipped it. Glad I didn’t. Bottom line, you’re an awesome blogger, but I’m a shitty Jew. Happy New Year’s! Wendy

    Wendy recently posted New Year’s.

  6. It’s is quite possible that I ove you even more when you are high.

    Also, should I be worried that reading your high-on-meds-while-blogging enteries amkes me feel better ’cause it means that this things don’t just happen inside my own head anymore?

  7. This was terrific. I don’t even care if you recycled it from the trash.
    I totally would be sneaking all around my house too if I pulled up and there was a tarp where my door use to be and my man would not answer the phone. Kudos!
    (I totally love tostadas and chalupas….and my enchiladas are the bomb. Just sayin)

  8. I had a friend ask if “queso” was SLANG for “quesadilla.”

    Then we stopped being friends.

    xoxo

  9. Wait! Did she like the chalupa? Because I was there for her first s’more (in September! Have you ever?!) and she did NOT like it.

  10. thank gawd i am not the only person in the world who got the vacuum and the dance mixed up. i still can’t tell them apart.

  11. Oh gosh. Had you still been rushing from the high of your Herculean strength, you probably could have taken the killer with your bare hands. Then you wouldn’t have had to be a bad stalker. Thanks a lot, Maile.

    Lacie recently posted Lazy Is Underrated.

  12. Ha. I love enchiladas but I’ve never heard of the word “chalupa”. And my iPhone keeps correcting it to chamois. I guess being from New Zealand and living in Scotland we don’t really get the best Mexican food.

  13. Oh, and I’m really sorry about your flair-up. :(

    Lacie recently posted Lazy Is Underrated.

  14. OMG. I saw you in the Huffington Post. You’re today’s HuffPost Greatest Person! Congratulations! :)

    Also, EVERYONE knows what a chalupa is. Where the fuck have you been?
    (I don’t know what a chalupa actually IS, but I know OF it therefore I am still superior to you.)

  15. I know chalupa, enchilada and tostada. (And even poutine, for the commenter above.) This doesn’t make me smart. It just goes to show how much food info is being stored in my head instead of things like how to properly do a lunge or downward facing dog or something else equally hideous that is not in my rubenesque repertoire. (Yay for alliteration. Boo for big fat butts. Unless you like that sort of thing then YAY for big butts. Also, call me.)

  16. I TOTALLY have a friend that doesn’t know what chalupas are. I’m not sure that she understands Mexican food at all considering her blatant use of the word “beef wraps”. Also, she’s from Chicago and told me that Santa had to be real because the unicorn told her. Alright, maybe I made the last part up. But she definitely has an issue with tex-mex.

  17. I’m so very happy that you agree that anyone who makes it into adulthood without having eaten an enchilada is a travesty. Especially in the state of Texas. Did this story take place in Texas? It seems more like something that would have happened in Tennessee, where I’m from. There, in the small towns, it’s not just the spell check that is racist. Very sad. True, but sad.

  18. I think that being a terrible stalker actually means you’re an amazing stalker because now nobody will except stalker-you to catch them and they’ll let down their guard and then you’ll be victorious and probably kill them because that’s what stalkers do, at least on Law & Order (which having watched makes me an expert on pretty much all crime-related topics), and then they’ll learn a lesson in doubting you.

    Only they’ll be dead, so for this to really have a symbolic ending it’s probably best if there are stalkers in heaven they’ll be prepared to deal with.

    Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted Most Great Things In Life Start With Cartoon Sheep.

  19. This is hysterically funny. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Based on your writing, I think it would be a lot of fun to deprive you of sleep for 36 hours, feed you a handful of uppers that you’d chase with Red Bull, and then drop you onto Bourbon street in the middle of Mardi Gras. THAT would make for an interesting blog!

  20. Okay, so maybe mine isn’t the first comment. But, you know how the first pancake in the pan is really just a test pancake… Uh, no offense, Catherine.

    I have eaten plenty chalupas *is smug* The only person I know who has never is my friend, Veronica, who is from Oaxaca. Yeah, I know. Go figure.

    And don’t worry. The pretend ending to your post was perfect. And the door looks great.

    Marisa Birns recently posted This Day Forward.

  21. So I know what a Chalupa and a tostada and a freaking enchilda is, but I have never had any of them, mostly because I dont want to tempt Montezuma. Even when I went to Cozumel I ate chicken fingers. I just tried Sushi the other day for the first time but I am not sure if it was real sushi since I made the cute sushi guru dude cook the seafood first since I am also afraid of raw meat or ocean fish. do I need to say ocean fish? or should it be ocean meat? Whatever. I had a point. Shit. Oh yeah. Next time I bust up on my news ( usually looking like a Nick Nolte mug shot ) I want you there, asking me if I need a blow job. Don’t worry I will say no, but I want the mic to pick it up so we can be all famous like the politicians who say inappropriate shit on live mics. Also my stalkers are pretty weak, I have found out 1 little restraining order and they get all, ” I aint stalking you” attitudey and I just need a higher quality of stalkers. Also that box igloo, needs to be marketed to homeless.

    ThePeachy1 recently posted NEVER FEED A STRAY CAT- They will just come back for more.

  22. I just found you a few weeks ago and am so happy I found you. I thought I was the only one possible to brake my friends bathroom and think about running from the house. BTW I decided to confess to her that the mirror kind of just fell off the wall while I was washing my hands and she said “Yeh I have asked Dave to fix that for weeks. Maybe if you tell him it almost kill you he will finally fix it”. He did the next day. Sometimes it takes a friend possible death to get something done by a husband. God knows he doesn’t want her around all the time and without that friend it is 24/7 of wife for him.

  23. They have home robberies in podunk? I thought you’d all leave your doors unlocked and open and deer roam free and come inside for breakfast and it’s all like Snow White and shit.

    Windsor Grace recently posted Happy New Year! An evening in pictures- I’m trying to keep with the same thing I did last year.

  24. No excuse for someone not to know what a chalupa is if they have a Taco Bell within 10 miles of their home, well unless they’ve never been broke like us and had to eat a 99 cent chalupa. Just saying : )

    Britta recently posted Asher is a little sick.

  25. Fuck, now I want Mexican food.

    Karen W recently posted I had a wonderful- relaxing- LAZY weekend.

  26. Another great post.

    Justin recently posted Great Inventions 3 – The Christmas Edition.

  27. For a minute I thought, “Well, maybe she is from somewhere up north and they just don’t have chalupas.” But then I remembered that chalupas are also on the Taco Bell menu. So yes, it is unacceptable to have never heard of a chalupa.

    I have a friend who just had her first tamale a few weeks ago. Granted, she HAD heard of them before, but still… People just aren’t meant to go 23 years without ever having a tamale.

  28. You make me laugh out loud! I actually woke my sleeping baby. Crap.
    BTW, I was sucked into one of the PBS specials on Sunday, it was all about your gut in relation to the health of your body. Supposedly Probiotics are the shiznit for swollen joints. I decided, WTF?, my back hurts on a daily basis and everyone is sick of my whining about it. So I am now popping Probiotics because some lady named… Barbara???…IDK.. told me to. I really don’t listen very well… Anyway, I thought that maybe you should try it too. If it helps your hands it was worth it! Right? Plus- we all need you to be able to type so that you can entertain us!!!!

    Johi recently posted How to bathe your cat.

  29. Actually, I don’t know what a chalupa is either but I go straight for the Mexican pizza at TB. But I also try not to eat at my local TB because the stoned teenagers that work there ALWAYS fuck up my order and I probably ate a chalupa anyway, I just didn’t know it. :)

    Suzie recently posted The Other Woman directed by Donald Roos.

  30. Great, now i want a chalupa. And an enchilada. And maybe a tostada for dessert.

  31. Have heard the terms, never eaten them. But I loves me beaver tails, poutine, jigs dinner, turn, cod tongues, cheeks, britches and fish & brewis

  32. If I know what a chalupa is, I’m a little worried about your friend. LOL

    I loved the post!

    Pam recently posted Meet Me On Monday.

  33. Am I the only one NOT trying to get to a Taco Bell immediately? Chalupas make me nervous. Too much going on there. I might have some food issues.

    Kait (Tampon In A Teacup) recently posted Boycott American Women Huh.

  34. I love Mexican and we go to a great place all the time but no chalupas on the menu. But perhaps I haven’t looked, because I never get passed the page with the chimichangas.

    The Domestic Goddess recently posted Resolutions I’m Not Making.

  35. The Amish can eat chalupas but only if they determine that the chalupa does not interfere with the family structure. In this effect, the Chalupa Nacho Cheese and Chalupa Supreme are fine, but the Chalupa Baja would result in a traditional ‘shunning’ because of the Fiesta Salsa.

    Fiesta Salsa sends the Amish into a fucking frenzy. Sometimes the shunning is totally worth it.

    moooooog35 recently posted You say Toboggan- I say JUMP!.

  36. I want to be your neighbor.

    That didn’t sound stalker-ish, did it? It didn’t in my head.

    gigi recently posted How is it that no one has pointed out the obvious to me.

  37. OK, so, yeah, I had to look up “chalupa” and “tostada” on Wikipedia. But I grew up in rural Canada, where putting paprika on deviled eggs was considered exotic, so I’m pretty sure I get a pass on this one.

    Steve recently posted 220 Twitterpated.

  38. Three words: Beef. Supreme. Chalupa. STAT.

    That was four words. But whatever… That doesn’t make the chalupa any less delicious.

    Jen Dieffenbacher recently posted The Wii Dick.

  39. I have long suspected spell checker of being a racist.

  40. As far as I can tell, based on the menu from Taco Bell, a chalupa is a taco with a fluffy shell, a tostada is a flattened taco, and an enchilada is a soft taco with spicy sauce.

    If you were fearing that this was not a worthwhile post, think again. What with the family propensity, and the occasional shooting pains in my joints, I’m going to claim that my rings no longer fit because I have arthritis instead of because I just keep getting fatter. Wait, maybe that’s not better…

    a recently posted Merry Christmas- sort of.

  41. Quite the multicultural day you had!
    The only way to beat it would be to eat a chalupa in an Eskimo’s igloo in the middle of an Amish community.

    Steph recently posted This Weeks WTH Moments.

  42. I was slightly disappointed that the water wasn’t still running in the picture of the broken tap because my impression of your level of responsibility (which comes entirely from your own posting) is that you would break the tap, think “this will be funny on the blog”, find the camera, take a picture and THEN worry about all the water flooding the bathroom.

  43. Wow….my bad bad…. My husband and I went on a date to a Mexican restaurant yesterday and I asked the waiter, what is a tostado, and what is a rellenos – but I did NOT ask what a chaulupa was. Only because a chaulupa was not on my radar. I once visited an Amish farm in Pennsylvania, this farm had propane powered refrigerators and the kids had battery powered handheld Nintendo games. That is what the guide told me – I asked how come they could have batteries but not electricity? The answer had something to do with modern technology…. And maybe I was not fully listening…. But what I learned is that I don’t know the difference between modern technology, batteries and electricity – but there is a difference. If you are Amish and reading this on your battery powered computer I would love to know the answer!

    Jennifer recently posted Top Ten …blah blah blah…2010.

  44. I saw the word ‘chalupa’ and my brain said to itself ‘ that Mexican monster that Mulder was always trying to catch.’ Sooooo…yeah.

  45. verve is totally overrated.
    Also, it is possible to reach adulthood and not try lots of foods but to not even have heard of a chalupa is unheard of. Until now.

    By the way, I couldn’t possible wear a confidence wig, I did something similar when I finally got the nerve to take a job that would involve flying, navigating by myself to find one of our branches and then meeting a bunch of new people, (all very difficult) by trying new foods. At the age of 35 I had never eaten fish (live in PNW) had never eaten bacon or anything from the pig, had never eaten “mixed foods” or allowed my food to touch.

    So…I was 35 when I had my first chalupa.

    kettletop recently posted Requiem for Memory.

  46. I wonder if the Amish give blow jobs in igloos.

    Mrs. P recently posted 23 Im going to stick to 23.

  47. 47
    Pam up north

    Not Amish, but want some Fiesta Salsa…

  48. You are always teaching! I thought a chalupa was a fake Taco Bell name like Enchirito (which were better back in the day with the soft corn tortilla and the sliced black olives). Wikipedia confirms that Taco Bell perverted them anyway… so I guess I’ve never eaten a REAL chalupa. Remember when Taco Bell put the green sauce in little plastic cup containers? And a real bell on the top of the building? Man, I’m old. Growing up in lower Michigan, I didn’t eat Taco Bell until I was a teen – I guess it seemed to exotic to my parents at the time – sorta like Burger King. McDonalds was the “normal” one. White Castle if they were feeling rebellious. Mom was too busy making Appian Way pizza from a tiny box… with that tiny package of powdered cheese…

  49. Oops – that should have been “too” exotic. You youngsters probably don’t remember Burger Chef either.

  50. Always keep a piece of gum with you. If an accident happens, you’re always ready to make a quick repair. It came in really handy for me at the museum. Who knew marble penises would be so brittle? And as a plus, from then on that penis would always stay minty fresh. I thought that was a big plus.

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Proof that honesty is the best policy.

  51. Living in Arizona I never, never, never go to Taco Bell. Who knows if the little commericial dog got chopped up into a taco.

    Mrs. Tuna recently posted Resolutions of the Muffin Tops.

  52. I personally find it totally awesome that your pain-wracked and swollen arthritic hand was able to rip the handle off a sink. Even if it was already broken.

  53. She’s from Texas and she doesn’t know what a chalupa is? I would make a citizen’s arrest on her ass immediately. CITIZEN’S ARREST, I say.

    And, the Enchirito IS real. It’s a mythical creature born from the spicy loins of a burrito (the man) and a enchilada (the lady) who frolicks through the world making people gassy in awkward situations like your first time having sex with your new boyfriend or at a funeral.

  54. My head hurts from laughing so hard…She probably never heard of a chupacabra either…so sheltered, indeed.

  55. I live close to Amish country. They have this famous Amish restaurant there that people drive from all over to go to but it is a lie because it’s run my Mennonites. You know the Amish that drive cars? Anyway, they don’t have enchiladas on the menu just meatloaf.

    Condo Blues recently posted How I Renvented Myself Through Power Tools!.

  56. Spell check is totally racist! We’ve talked about this before. As to chalupas – yum! I just finished a completely disgusting dinner of varied holiday leftovers, which were just tipping over to rancid, and now I really want a chalupa. I don’t think I can convince my DH to fetch one for me, since I’m laid up with a bad back and high on pain meds and steroids and he already heated up the other junk, and what do I expect? Um, that might be TMI. (He really is a sweetheart). Hope you feel better soon.

    P.S. I know what poutine is too (and it’s great!), but that other stuff from #31 doesn’t sound very appetizing.

  57. Oh Lord, Chalupas are SO delicious. You’re not really helping with this whole new year, weight loss is in effect program I am trying to get going.

    But as I was saying. Chalupas are delicious. So are tostadas with cafe con leche.

    I love your fat arthritis hands (that just sounded creepy).

    Annah recently posted Destination WEAM.

  58. Dear Jenny: I would like to join “Groupies Without Blowjobs”. When do I learn the *cough cough* secret handshake?

    And I commend your stalking ability, incredible hulk-like arm strength, honesty, and knowledge of Taco Bell food.

    I grew up in San Diego (actually a suburb named Encinitas – that’s right I lived in “Little City” in Spanish). Therefore, I am well aware of the tostada, the enchilada and the chalupa. But I’m pretty sure the chalupa is an American thing – like a Taco Bell invention.

    But people should still have heard of it.

    The end.

    Katya recently posted Aunt Becky’s Meme.

  59. i still think a chalupa is the edible part of the chupacabra….

    congrats on your huff post *win* today. you are more awesome than usual. wish your arthritis knew that and would leave you the fuck alone.

    and karen’s book is da bomb! I am giving it as gifts to people I love because it is so awesome and eye-opening and inspiring…

  60. You know, I STILL don’t know what the fuck a chalupa is.

    I thought I was going to learn something here….sheesh.

  61. Spellcheck on wordpress replaced yamaka with Yamaha and dreidel with dreaded. Totally racist.

    AmyBlam recently posted Well- at least it’s not the end of February….

  62. Awesome post, everybody should know what a Chalupa is they are freaking awesome.

    Sharon recently posted The Joke Is On Him- There Was No School Today.

  63. Sounds like a great day. Love those bags! Will read the book! Would give you a warm paraffin wax treatment if I was there. Or a blowjob. Either, love you!

  64. PS – I meant I would dip your achey hands in hot wax. Not actually “wax” anything. I have some standards.

    PPs – This is a lie I would totally wax you.

    Tanya recently posted New Years Surprise.

  65. I fucking grew up on tostadas. They are fan-fucking-tastic. Chalupas on the other hand are complete crap. But at least I KNOW that. Geez…..( I am SO judging Karen RIGHT know)

  66. Are there no Taco Bells where she lives? WTH?

    Kendahl recently posted And people wonder why I love penguins.

  67. Oh and PS – I have an Epiphanie bag and it’s the greatest thing anyone has ever bought for me. Does it count that I bought it for myself? I’m totally a ‘anyone’, right?

    Kendahl recently posted And people wonder why I love penguins.

  68. I love reading your posts! Even though this was old and from your journal and twitter, it was still HILARIOUS!!! And I feel so sorry for all of the people out there who have never had a chalupa. It’s like never getting past eating chicken nuggets as a child. How can you not hear of them?

    Amanda recently posted His Scar- Part I.

  69. Did you know that Taco Bell doesn’t even use REAL meat…its called “taco filling” for a reason people. So please do not say that Taco Bell has REAL Chalupas…because they are NOT!! Karen is wonderful, but the girl needs to get out more, but not to Taco Bell for the above mentioned reason. Treat her to some REAL Mexican food. Fly me out to cook for y’all! ;)

    Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me recently posted Special Needs Childrens Blog Wins EPIC Award.

  70. I just realized, your blog, with all the little whattayacallits…tags for pics and stuff? totally remind me of those books with sound? where you push the lil icons as you go thru the story and it add sounds or music or comments, right? and it makes the book totally awesomer? Much like your blog :)
    I would have thought of this sooner but both my kids are old and so its only because I bought my wife Tina a “Charlie brown Christmas” one of these books for, well, obvs, and it had the lil icon thingies.
    My favorite was when Linus does the monologue about “..and there we shepherds abiding with their flocks…” that’s the best and also why I bought it. For her.
    Also I love that I can talk the way i do in normallife when I comment on your blog cause you do to.

    Jessica recently posted Pay close attention- this will be on the exam.

  71. i was gonna write you a poem to make you feel better. but what the fuck rhymes with chalupa?

    Kirsten (Results Not Typical Girl) recently posted i bought clothes anyway.

  72. i dont know what a chalupa is…and i am mexican. well, strike that, for me, a chalupa is the lady in the boat on the loteria card…which is mexican bingo. look it up, its awesome! grandma goes crazy competitive when we play, and we are broke, so we only play a nickle a card and dime for the jackpot…with that said, i now want real mexican food…like mole and pozole with an apple flavored soda.
    :)

  73. I totally know what a chalupa is, but I’ve never eaten one. Tostadas are like crack to me. And seven-layer burritos. With green sauce. Everything at Taco Bell is completely different than the real thing, and some things are completely made up, and that’s why it is one of the happiest places on earth. We can eat our not-really-Mexican-food food and feel all multicultural and shit.

    Barbara recently posted Amazing New Hands-Free Twitter App!.

  74. My wife and I want to adopt you. We already totally love you. Also, anyone who uses “Mexican food” and “Taco Bell” in the same sentence is probably from New Jersey (IDK what exit).

    Also, HeatherY, of course I remember Burger Chef. They gave you a bun, a tiny, little, cooked patty of meat and they had what looked sort-of like a salad bar, with no sneeze guard, where you could put all sorts of things, some of which were weird and/or incredible, on your burger. These days they’d probably call it “DIY Burger” but you didn’t dare go there at noon because the line was way out into the parking lot and your lunch hour was over before you got to the counter. I always took a late lunch, at like 2 PM, if I wanted to go to Burger Chef.

    eldergeek recently posted eldergeek- @dynila No- youre a good mom for taking them to the playground.

  75. @Boppie -
    I KNOW what a chalupa is and I STILL thought of Mulder and the Mexican monster (chupacabra). *sigh* But I’m on weight watchers, so no chalupas for me tonight. Maybe a chupacabra, though.

  76. Fuckin’ spellcheck.

    StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously? recently posted I Lied To You!.

  77. Chalupas are real. Unless Taco Bell’s been lying to me, they’re some sort of soft-shell-taco-thingy. But I can see how they’d easily be confused with chupacabras, which suck the blood of goats. Or give them blow jobs. Or something. Anyhow, it’s really important to know the difference between your Mexican food items and mythological creatures. Because Mexican food is delicious, and mythical creatures taste (I assume) like glittery ass.

    Angela@beggingtheanswer recently posted I Could Cook Dinner- But I’ve Run Out Of Repression And Butter.

  78. Love it! I needed a pick me up, and I knew I could count on you to provide! I hope you’re feeling better…

  79. Checking back in to report that my DH actually DID go get a chalupa for me after the disgusting leftovers he fed me earlier. Yay for me! and Yay for him!

    For the ones who asked, a chalupa is a a deep fried gordita. Duh.

  80. how can anyone not know what a Chalupa is?

    Kristin recently posted Perfect Moment Monday- Happy With What We Have.

  81. I do not know what a chalupa is, but I do know what a tostada is and have had an enchilada. Therefore, I am only 1/3 clueless or something. Math is hard.

    Also, chalupa is fun to say so I plan on using it in a sentence tomorrow. Since I do not know what it is, however, the sentence will probably be “What the hell is a chalupa?”

    Dani recently posted Dont Hand Me No Lines and Keep Your Jokes to Yourself.

  82. okay I really need to pay better attention to what I read. I quickly glanced at the title and thought “Cool a post about the chupacabra”. Anyhoo…. I’ve heard of a chalupa but have never had one, Taco Bell scares me. I live in Canada so I love poutine and beaver tails, although I won’t tough prarie oysters with a ten foot pole. Some things are not food.

  83. I had Word flag tropopause on me once. As in “Microsoft Word should be drop-kicked to the fucking tropopause.” Everybody knows what the tropopause is, except Microsoft Word.

    Fred Miller recently posted English Majors are Novel Lovers.

  84. Heavens to Chalupa, do I need a Epiphanie Lola bag. I Neeeeeeeeeeeed one. But if I’m going to spend that kind of $$ on a camera bag/purse, no matter how bleeping awesome, it’d better be big enough for a sleeping bag too because my husband will kick my arse straight on to the street if I purchase another bag/purse/junk holder. It looks close to big enough……….

    All this to say, you need to do a giveaway. Good publicity for your friend, of course. And also so that there is the slimmest chance in hell that a Lola comes home to snuggle with me.

  85. Chimichangas FTW.

    Holly B recently posted Crack Spakle.

  86. True story: we were throwing a Hawaiian themed anniversary party for my parents and chicken was on the menu. My aunt (who is a “normal” American if you can call norms a single 45 year old who moved into a senior trailer park and lives whth her cat.) called my sister and said “now what is this teriyaki you speak of?” serious??? Why hasn’t heard of teriyaki??

  87. That should say teriyaki chicken was on the menu

  88. Isn’t a chalupa the Mexican cousin to the Oompah Loompah?!? Is it weird I am 48 years old and I can still sing every word to the Oompah Loompah song?! My kids think so…

    Dee Thompson recently posted Ranting.

  89. Dude, thanks to this post, I had to have emergency nachos. EMERGENCY NACHOS. I think we are all just fortunate I had the fixings.

    Tracy Lynn recently posted Sometimes- I Sneeze Things From My Nose That Quite Frankly Scare Me.

  90. Like most everybody in the fucking universe I do not understand the chalupa thing. Because, hello! Come out from under your rock already, Ms. Karen.

    But mostly? I’m concerned that Karen doesn’t like s’mores. How is that even possible? Who doesn’t like s’mores?

    pamela dayton time recently posted some items for your consideration- fourth edition.

  91. Jessalee (comment 15) distracted me and I’ve forgotten all about Tex-Mex and poutine, yay for big butts!

  92. 92
    HelenaTheStrange

    i um… don’t know ANY of those Spanish words. I’ve gathered that they’re food, but no, i think my rural Australia upbringing has left me utterly racist in the way of Mexican food! Also, hold onto your privates ladies and gentlemen, in Australia, we don’t have Taco Bell’s. Anywhere!

  93. Spell check doesn’t know a lot of words. Fucktard is not a word to Microsoft, but Yo, is, which means they hired one token guy from Phillie, but won’t let him really be himself. Microsoft located right outside of Seattle and people are really repressed here. I am from Jersey and it is a culture shock.

  94. Yeah I’m totally writing “Your murdered family is not in here I’m just repainting your doors” on a tarp and putting in front of my friend house randomly one day. Sure i might get arrested, but it’s all for the sake of comedy and really isn’t that the most important thing.

    P.S. I know what a Chalupa is and a Tostada! So that’s like 5 million points for me. No take backsies!

  95. I feel like I want to just say the word chalupa over and over… Why? I don’t know. I’m easily influenced. Or a bit mad. One of those.

    Jo and the Novelist recently posted Jo is into sluttery….

  96. I used to get so confused watching Meet the Fockers when Dustin Hoffman keeps saying he wants a chimichanga to Barbra Streisand on their answering machine message and I thought it was some weird sex thing but then I found out what a chimichanga was and not only does it taste amazing but I think it might be better than some weird sex thing. Maybe.

    Jax recently posted And Here It Is!!.

  97. My dear sweet mama and I were once using the ladies’ room in a gas station and one of us (she says it was me) leaned against the sink and it CAME OUT OF THE WALL! We tried to shove it back but we couldn’t and it was a horrible gas station in a creepy redneck town so we ran away without telling anyone. Conclusion: We are bad people whose asses may possibly be hazardous to sinks.

    hoody hoo recently posted Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama.

  98. HA! I laughed so hard at this post. Now I’m going to finish all my sentences with one of two things: “Probably.” OR, and my current favorite, “For Twitter.”

    Jenny, will you marry me? For Twitter.

  99. My take on chalupas is at The Culture Brats…http://www.culturebrats.com/2010/12/official-culture-brats-predictions-for.html

    It’s not a very nice view of them I guess.

    A Vapid Blonde recently posted TWO.

  100. Spell check isn’t racist. It’s just a bored Midwesterner who’s never traveled out of state. Also? It can’t afford cable and has never seen the FOOD channel. True story.

    MommyTime recently posted 2011- The Tentative Steps Version.

  101. That was an awesome post. And it included our favorite food group…chocolate martinis. Yummmmm.

    Lookie Lou, TPPC.tv Web TV for Pet Lovers recently posted Open casting call- authors- pet bloggers- rescuers and more Guests wanted- Pets Teach Us So Much Radio.

  102. Canadians don’t know what a chalupa is, either. They don’t even HAVE them at Taco Bell up here! Frakkin’ racists.

  103. Jenny… as a wordsmith do you blast your friend’s retarded parents every chance you get. Maile it’s pronounced Miley… ridiculous

  104. I ordered some tostados from Taco Bell once and they were all, “Its tostadAs, not tostadOs.” And I was like, fucking Google Says it can be either and I’m gonna believe Google before I believe you!

    Brandy recently posted 10 Things you should never say in the bedroom.

  105. hellloooz I do not know what a chulpa or tostada is, but I shall acknowledge it exists, so I guess that makes me a chulstadanostic? (chulpa+tostada+agnostic) But I guess you can blame it on me being Candian and living in the middle east for a almost a decade and living under a rock…..

  106. What the fuck Jenny? Did you order one of each, or sixteen, and make her eat every last bite? Tragedy? I think it’s shameful. For-fucking-shameful!

    Pamela Gold recently posted Couch to 5K - - PINT.

  107. I asked for a Roomba for Christmas and I got one but when I opened the box I was all, “What the fuck is this?” and my mom was all “That’s what you wanted” and I was all, “Um, no? I wanted the thing that lets you watch movies on your TV from the internets” and my mom was all “No, THIS is what you asked for, I WROTE IT DOWN” so we got online and looked it up and it turns out what I wanted was the ROKU, not the ROOMBA and I told her the wrong thing so it’s my fault. But it’s kind of her fault too because I don’t have any fucking carpet in my house so DUH, USE YOUR BRAIN, MOM. But now the Roomba lives at her house and it’s probably robotically vacuuming her carpets right now while I sit at home with nothing to watch on TV, and now that I think about it, my mom was totally the winner in this scenario so, hell. Way to go, Mom. Well played.

    Bejewell recently posted I Like Soup.

  108. One time, my friend Deena (also a reader of this blog) tried to write “Boom-shaka-laka” in an email, and spell check was all “did you mean ‘boom snake-like?’” Apparently, “boom snake-like” is a commonly used phrase.

    carolinemichelle recently posted Make it a betta place.

  109. Writers & bloggers with arthritis, which can be crippling, definitely qualify for a medical dispensation. -No questions asked.
    It’s no different than men forgetting anniversaries and birthdays; crippled by memory-blocking testosterone we can barely find our way home some nights.

    If I Were God... recently posted Super Smitin Saturday Smackdown!.

  110. At first glance, I thought you’d written “Chupucabra” instead of Chalupa. So I was really worried that someone had been eaten by the chalupa, instead of the other way around. Thank fuck I was just a cup of coffee short, actually reading the entry made much more sense. Happy New Year!

    Dangerboy recently posted The Ghost of Christmas Presents.

  111. That is some expert igloo construction. You’re one of those girls who used to stack hay bales into forts and entice boys inside. I mean when you were a young girl. Too much hay handling can cause arthritis.

    Fred Miller recently posted English Majors are Novel Lovers.

  112. I almost peed my pants even reading this post title. Thanks for the morning laugh to get my day going!

  113. Sweet Jesus – Karen’s never had an enchilada?? My eyes are actually tearing up. That’s tragic. And of course chalupa and tostada are words – delicious, crispy, cheesy words.

    AngstyJen recently posted Preschool Birthday Conundrum.

  114. TAKE ME TO TACO BELL RICK I NEED A TOSTADA TO CALM MAAH NERVESS!

  115. Don’t you guys live in Texas?! Shouldn’t Mexican food be a staple. I’m very disappointed in Karen.

    Sonal recently posted January 3.

  116. I think you’re freakin awesome….. just sayin

  117. She’s Baaaaaa-aaaackkk… The Jenny we love. Not that you were really gone, and the Christmas miracle was WONDERFUL, truly, but I just wanted to drink coffee while ignoring my kids and laughing while reading your blog. And I did. So, thanks.

    tracey recently posted The Loyalty of a Child.

  118. 1. I own one of Maile’s bags. My husband bought it for me for my birthday. I love it. People covet it. I love that part too.

    2. A friend’s blog is called “The Flying Chalupa” (it’s an awesome blog) and I said the title to my kids who then all said, “What’s a chalupa?” So clearly we suck at being parents because if we were doing our JOBS they would, of course, KNOW what a chalupa is.

    Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points recently posted Life Under the Fridge.

  119. yeah, if I came home to unexplained plastic on my door then I would totally think that that government agency had discovered the ET in my house and were using my house as the base to do experiments on it that would send my kid into a coma until the ET gave up her life for my kids and then we would all cry but in a nice way.

    Elizabeth Potts Weinstein recently posted Creating Space for Ecstasy Project 1- Hacking Sleep- week 1.

  120. I first heard of the Chalupa in 1996 when the registers at the local Taco Bell started displaying the message “Try our new Chalupa!” The problem is that my local Taco Bell didn’t start selling Chalupas until 1999. So for three years I was left to wonder, “What the eff is a Chalupa?” Every month I would ask the manager. Every month he would solemnly shake his head and say “I don’t know, son. I just don’t know.”

    Then in 1999 my girlfriend went to the bathroom for like a half-hour and right when I started to get really worried she came back out. With a Chalupa. I was like “What the hell is that?” and she was like “It’s a Chalupa.” and I was all “What the fuck is a Chalupa, and how did you get one in the bathroom?!”

    It turns out that there was an outside door in the bathroom and she had just gone to Taco Bell, but I’ll never forget her Bathroom Chalupa.

    Adam Jones recently posted I Have a Solution.

  121. I shall be sixty years old in three weeks, was born and badly raised in southern Cali and weaned on Hispanic food back when it was referred to as Mexican food. I have no bloody idea WTF a ‘chalupa’ is, but I’m willing to wager a withered, wrinkly appendage that its made of either flour or corn, refried beans, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, a gratuitous olive and some green or red spicy sauce. Did I guess right?

  122. I love chalupas/tostadas!!!! And all life – they’ve been pretty interchangeable, only – at Taco Hell – they are DIFFERENT!! And – the fun part is – most people working there don’t understand what a Tostada is. So I get to explain it every. single. time. Dude – that day “yesterday” sounds like sooooooooooooooooooo much fun! Can I go next time?

    Lisa Marie Mary recently posted Easy Recipes – By Christine Steendahl.

  123. I totally know what a chalupa is. I’ve never had one. I’ve only had Taco Bell once in my life and got something with no meat or beans (it was basically one of those flat taco shell things with cheese). I’ve also only had an enchilada once at an authentic Mexican place in TX and I didn’t like it very much (sorry).
    Thanks for the laugh – speaking of which, maybe I need to stop reading funny people’s blogs at work.

  124. A Taco Bell “chalupa” is not like a “tostada” type “chalupa”. I grew up with tostada and chalupa being interchangeable words. Then, Taco Bell came along and named some fat taco a chalupa. I like them, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not a chalupa. A chalupa/tostada should be a flat taco shell with assorted awesomeness piled atop it.

  125. BAHAHAHAA I fuckin’ love you.

    The Duchess recently posted SO appropriate.

  126. Reminds me of when I took my Norwegian friend to Pancho’s and she was all, “What’s tamales?” But she said it tam-a-lis instead of tah-mah-lays. I still give her shit about that. And I’m jealous you got your front door painted even if it did cause you stress.

    Catazon recently posted Who Needs Christmas.

  127. I’m Canadian, and we only heard the word chalupa after US tv channels started using the word on air. We don’t have chalups up here unless one (such as myself who has been to Mexico, lived with a Mexican family) was in the mood to make them at home. I only eat the 7-layer from Taco Smell. I never look at their menu board. Ever.

    And for the record, the only time chalupa is ever used on tv anymore is when someone is insulting a Mexican in a soap opera. That’s it, that’s all. Canada sucks in this respect. I’m deeply ashamed of my country, not only for its lack of culture, but also for its stoopid geography that requires I pass through US Customs to get to Mexico (the home of my favourite cholesterol-fueled foods, like, fucking ever!!!).

  128. I love this post, but even more the comments have me in stitches and the dog snoring on my lap
    Keeps giving me dirty looks. A 75 lb lab who wants to sleep on my lap
    Needs to chill out. I now have to go to Taco Bell. And hope I don’t run over a chupracabra on th way
    To get my chalupa/tostada/enchilada (screw it I’m also
    Getting a Meximelt). Hope your arthritis flare goes down!

  129. Spell check is totally racist and anyone who has never heard of a chalupa has obviously never had the 2 AM munchies and made a Taco Bell run. FYI, I heard that caramel apple empanadas are the shit during Fourth Meal…

  130. It’s possible you’re nightshade sensitive. Lots of people are and don’t know it . Plants in the nightshade family (they have a low-level toxin that promotes inflammation) include tomatoes, white potatoes (yams are safe!), peppers (incl. paprika, and all the peppers in Mexican food! just sayin’, but not black pepper because that’s actually a peppercorn), eggplant, and tobacco. Basically eating them (or smoking) will cause your arthritic joints to hurt the next day. Raw is worse than cooked, because heat breaks down the alkaloid. Some people like me can tolerate potato chips and french fries because the extreme heat of the deep fry does enough damage to the alkaloid. But they still make me fat, so not very often. Damn.

  131. Texas really needs to get some Tex-Mex restaurants out there that aren’t Taco Bell!

  132. I’m fairly certain you didn’t mention whether or not this chick was from Texas, and scrolling up to verify when I’m already all the way down here seems a bit much. But I think your friend should be publicly stoned for not knowing anything about Mexican foods. She is a racist.

    On a related note, I do not care for Mexican food, but am fully aware of what is what. So, I still sort of win.

    John B recently posted OutTV.

  133. I think you have the most hilarious blog I have ever read.

    I live in Houston. We eat loads of enchiladas, chalupas and tostadas. Yummy!

    Frances recently posted Happy New Year to all my bloggy friends!.

  134. Just so you guys know, in México we don’t really have anything edible called Chalupa. Even if wikipedia says we do, we kindda don’t call em chalupas. Tostadas are really common though, they are the actual toasted corn tortilla and you can put anything on them. Chalupas are really a kind of canoe used on sweet water canals such as Xochimilco. http://bit.ly/eCDSUU .. also, in México we don’t put sour cream, shredded cheddar and guacamole on everything, so you can say some of those dishes are reinterpretations.

    Esther recently posted Como si lo hubiera escrito yo.

  135. I live under the same rock as Karen. What’s a chalupa?

    Dana recently posted Punch in the nose for those who think they know.

  136. Spell check IS racist!!

  137. I was feeling bad that I’ve never heard of a chalupa before but then I read the comments and it looks like the majority of your commenters have never seen one either. Now I just suspect that you made it up. We don’t want any of your mythical “chalupas”.

  138. My standard Taco Bell order is two beef chalupas supreme, a beef soft taco supreme, and cinnamon twists. Mmmmmmm.

    Also, this:

  139. I’m sure you’ve gotten a lot of these. I saw the article about your Christmas miracle on huffington. I know it is after Christmas, but if anyone out there still needs help, or is you are planning to do this again let me know. I haven’t had the best year by far, but my 3 year old still got presents under the tree this year. I never want a year where that doesn’t happen and considering my position… it could. No child should go without on Christmas and as long as I am able I’d like to help. You are an angel by the way. I’ve been going through hell the past few days and your kindness along with all your readers made me so happy (and sad from the stories) I cried and I feel so much better about life.

  140. EMERGENCY NACHOS is my new favorite phrase and Boom Snake-Like is a close 2nd. I need to use these as much as possible. Thank you commentors for these since my last favorite phrase was discovered when my bf referred to toilet paper as shit-tickets and that is way too hard for a lady like myself to weave into proper conversation. I just ended up yelling it out loud whenever I went into the bathroom and then giggling to myself. Also, I live in California and I need to figure out a way to get EMERGENCY NACHOS into my earthquake kit.

  141. Every time I hear the word ‘chalupa’ – I’m all like, “Why in the hell is someone wanting to eat that tiny Taco Bell dog? I’m sure he wouldn’t taste good with salsa.” Then I remember… that’s the name of a food.

    PS – I love your skull (sticker?) skin thingy for the iPhone. It’s awesome. :D

    Karen Maeby recently posted 2010 Yearly Survey Thingy!.

  142. please provide name of bar that uses roofies in their martinis.

    pattypunker recently posted shit i like from 2010.

  143. chalupa. on a loop in my head now.

    Simone recently posted Care the least.

  144. And now? I want Taco Bell… which means there will be emergency bathroom runs ( no pun intended) in my future. Im very unfortunate with Mexican. Faux and real.
    Thanks for the ring sting in advance … :)

    Holly B recently posted People - NOW Is The Time To Panic !.

  145. I totally know what a chalupa and a tostada are, but some fast food Mexie places don’t know that where I grew up in Texas, my Taco Villa always served what they called a chalupa (flat crispy corn tortilla with refried beans, lettuce, cheese on it) but at Taco Bueno that’s called a tostado and they think a chalupa is something entirely different. A mistake I’ve made and won’t repeat

  146. Taco Bell has wrecked everything they have ever touched- damn fools. Soon they’ll try selling you a Chocolate Chupacabra. Bastards.

    Jack recently posted Setting An Example.

  147. I thought the Amish ate their kin?

    bschooled recently posted Take a picture- it will last longer.

  148. I’ve never actually had a Chalupa…. or a tostada….. But I’ve heard of them so apparently I’m ahead of some people….. Shit, now I need to go get Taco Bell.. Thanks for this….

    Tara recently posted Hey Look- Im Actually Posting AND Giving Away Shit!!.

  149. 1) If I was an Amish teenager I’m certain I would run away from home and go work at Circut City. But then, since they went out of business, my parents would be all like, “See? We told you just to keep churning butter!” But, because I’m so smart, I’d tell them to pound sand and then I’d go to work at Best Buy. Just to show them what a rebel I was.
    2) “I fell down a little.” That’s funny and I have a mental image loop happening now.

    1A) As a side note, if I was ever homeless I’d sleep outside of a Ticket Master. That way people would just think I was trying to be the first in line when they opened. That’s for when the Best Buy plan doesn’t work out so well.

    Brian recently posted Gravy is a beverage at Gate A Clear!.

  150. I can’t decide which is funnier, you stalking around your own house or the bathroom Chalupa. And I too have never had a Chalupa but I know they exist.

    Helen recently posted George of the Jungle Update.

  151. So, I got side-tracked following the link to the Epiphanie Bags and still haven’t finished reading the entire post. When I saw the bags, I was amazed and decided right away that I had to order one for my besties upcoming birthday. I thought that the Ginger would be perfect for her because she is red headed and all. Then-I saw the price and decided that (Almost) Saint James Garfield would have to perform another miracle for me to be able to afford one. They are beautiful; but, alas I am poor. Thanks, Jenny, now I will go be all sad while I finish reading your post.

  152. yummmmm……..chalupas………..

    Sue recently posted Once Upon A Long Time Ago.

  153. Hey Bloggess! I live in France and periodically have to host Mexican night because this whole damn country is as appallingly naïve as your friend and in desperate need of my cultural enlightenment (or perhaps the enlightenment of the country due south of mine that we’ve historically mistreated and continue to screw over, but hey, splitting hairs here).

    Anyway. This has very little to do with your post, except that it perhaps mimics your frame of mind when you were writing it and DEFINITELY mine when I read it. Enjoy: http://www.alcowebizer.com/thebloggess.com/

  154. Chalupa = best thing Taco Bell ever created.

    Virginia recently posted Merry Early Christmas!.

  155. What is wrong with people? Everything I learned in Spanish is summed up by the phrase “Yo quiero Taco Bell” But I am not sure about how to do those upside down question marks so I am not sure if it is a question or what. But I do know, that where there are chalupas, there are chupacabras – and they can totally F*&K with you.

    MarathonMom recently posted 2010- In Summary.

  156. I ? Chalupas…yummy goodness.

    Jenn recently posted The Plague and Florence Beaningale.

  157. I had never heard of one before this blog post. But I’m British. We’re a long way from Mexico (and Taco Bell).

    Diane recently posted it helps if you know my cat pashmina is called “meanie” for short also because she scratches and bites.

  158. Well I must have gone to a very advanced elementary school… Best item on the lunch menu: TACO CHALUPA!!

  159. I’m pretty sure chalupas are an American dish based off of Mexican cuisine. Being half Mexican Maself makes me not an expert, because I live in America. But, from what I do know from my dad’s excellent home made Mexican food is that a chalupa has not yet stepped foot in our home. My dad says it’s possible that it’s from South America, but it’s unlikely that it’s from Mexico. So, yay Latin American food maybe!

    Abby recently posted Two and a Half Men.

  160. What c-word isn’t food-related? I can only think of one word that’s usually code-phrased as “the c-word,” and I think of it as food-related.

  161. Remember when that book about beautiful things came out, and that red dress and that one picture you didn’t photoshop?
    Please stop editing your pictures. Please. You are so much more beautiful untouched. And honestly, if I was a friend of yours in one of your pictures, I’d be insulted that you felt a need to make me look better than I already did. I almost find myself angry with you when you put those glow effects on your pictures, especially the ones of your daughter. Is she not the most beautiful creature you have ever seen /without/ photoshop? Jenny, I love your blog and I love your you. You and the other ladies in these pictures are so beautiful. Please stop editing them.

  162. I think you’re ignoring the possibility that we’re all just naturally glowey.

    Incredibly, insanely glowey.

  163. How do you manage to always be so bloody funny?

    Also: what’s a chalupa?

    JallieDaddy recently posted I am Resolved.

  164. 164
    physicsmom

    Someone mentioned chocolate chupacabras above, which reminded me that Taco Bell used to sell chocolate tacos in the summertime here. They were A-W-E-S-O-M-E! It was an ice cream treat consisting of a waffle cone shaped like a taco shell, filled with ice cream and dipped in chocolate, then sprinkled with nuts on top. They haven’t carried them in several years, and that makes me sad. Have they appeared elsewhere outside of Michigan?

  165. I am Karen’s sister. I am CERTAIN that she has seen, and possibly even tried, a chalupa before. It’s NOT POSSIBLE that she hasn’t. I think she just forgot about it.

  166. i often don’t know what stuff is but can always say it has to do with me being foreign1
    then someone will talk about a specialty of my OWN country and i still don’t get it cuz we call it different there.
    guess that’s a bit like the chalupa for Mexicans?

  167. I know what a chalupa is, but I’m scared of Taco Bell because ours is manned almost completely by kids who failed my class, got kicked out of study hall for sleeping, quit school, and took Taco Bell up on their “you’ll have a fine career at Taco Bell” poster. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Mamacita recently posted I’m really up for some good willie waught Who’s with me.

  168. Don’t you remember the Taco Bell dog. He was always trying to sell chalupas.
    A chalupa is like a mexican pita bread, but fried, and full of taco stuff, but more of it! I used to love those. Have not had one in years, but today I had a chimichanga.
    Hope you feel better.

    Connie recently posted Topic- Do you prefer to talk or text.

  169. Amish people file taxes but refuse to cash the check. I’m not sure what it means but I fucking LOVE the Amish.

  170. I’m from Venezuela and Chalupas totally exist here. I don’t think they are venezuelan, actually, but man they are GOOD. A chalupa is like a chicken pie with corn crust. It’s made with layers of sweet corn meal (which I don’t think is cornmeal, is something we call cachapas) and a chicken mixture and white cheese that melts into all of the above (it´s like mozzarella chese, but better). Delicious. Now I want some chalupa for dinner…

  171. I’m not Amish, but I am Canadian, and had to do Google searches for both Chalupa and Tostada… I did so while eating a burrito. Athough, as it is from Costco, I am doubting there is much that is authentic about it.

    I am also a fan of your box igloo and if this bizarre East Coast winter ever drops snow where I live, I will try to make a real igloo (or harass my husband until he helps me) and send you pictures of it.

    And if you ever find a place that pays you in wallets (sweatshop or not) plz to share with the class!

    PS – Re. the horrible arthritis… try a parrafin dip for your hands, it might help!

  172. Not only do I know what a Chalupa is but I love them too. I live near Amish people but I’m not quite clear on all their customs. And it’s totally awesome that you know the person that makes the Epiphanie Bags since I bought one for my daughter this Christmas (which she absolutely loves BTW) and you probably boxed it up for me. Way too cool. Love your blog but I have to keep the laughter at a minimum because I read it at work and that’s a no no. Have a great New Year, resolutions or no.

  173. I am going to get on my high Tex-Mex horse for a moment to defend the chalupa. I haven’t read all the comments yet, but am concerned that many people base thir idea of what a chalupa is on how Taco Bell sells them. I love the fake beefy cheese mixture Taco Bell serves up as much as the next guy or girl in my case, but a chalupa is flat for the love baby Hey-Suse. A taco is a folded version of a chalupa (crispy taco), a soft taco is a rolled flour tortilla filled with stuff, and a burrito is a roled flour tortilla where the ends are folded in so you can’t see any of the stuff before biting into it. Also, a gordita is a puffy chalupa (or tostada) with a softer shell. I don’t know where Taco Bell comes up with their crispy cheesy chalupa which is really a taco, and Gordita which is really a burrito, but it offends my inner Tex-mexican.

  174. Let’s not forget the enchiladas mutant sibling – the enchirito. MMMM, mmmm good.

  175. See! I knew that my birthday present would have been the best ever. I know it was definitely a zombie chupacabra or a chalupa AND you would have loved either.

  176. Chalupa sounds like some kind of Mexican werewolf. Is it related to the chupacabra, do you think?

    Mr Farty recently posted Simply Redilculous.

  177. I remember when my distant cousins came to visit us in Dallas. They had never been to Texas and my parents were taking them on a “whirl wind” tour of the state. When they got back from their weekend in San Antonio, they could not stop raving about these things called “margarita’s” and “enchilada’s” and “guacamole”. It was the cutest and sadest thing I have ever witnessed. How sad that there is no such thing as Mexican food (or really, Tex-Mex) in Pennsylvania save Taco Bell. I think of them everytime I eat Tex-Mex (which is at least weekly, as is only right and correct when you live in the grand Tejas!)!!

    Graygrrrl recently posted Aaah! Zombies!!.

  178. Bathroom Chalupa is the name of my new band that I’m forming solely to use the name Bathroom Chalupa.

    The Checkout Girl recently posted thecheckoutgirl- Mysterious rash Not scratching Im not saying the word hero applies in this situation- but Im not saying it doesnt- either.

  179. I’ve lived in Texas for 25 years. I’ve never eaten an enchilada. I only vaguely know what a chalupa is. Glad to know I’m not alone.

    It was fun having dinner with you after the book signing! Always delightful to see you, even if we aren’t chatting about dead prostitutes and that sort of thing…

    Christine recently posted Beignets &amp Cafe au Lait at Cafe Du Monde Flickr.

  180. I used to pronounce “chipotle” like it rhymed with the word “total.” My kids corrected me and told me that my pronunciation of the word embarrassed them profusely. Now I do it as often as possible.

    Lisa recently posted Work-at-Home- GE Retail Finance Hiring Client Services Reps.

  181. Since I don’t have spell check or a real dictionary, I looked up “chalupa” in da Urban Dictionary – try that. Comes under the section about “fupa”,or fat upper pubic area; so chalupa means means “can’t have a larger upper pubic area”. No, I couldn’t make this up, but it makes all the preceding comments really funny to read with that definition worming its way through one’s cranium. Clean up on Aisle 3. STAT.

  182. You absolutely crack me up. As in making me laugh out loud. (Which makes people stare.) And OF COURSE I know what a chalupa is. I lived in DC and NC (and now in the Netherlands) and loved TB’s chalupas. Except they have something like 1000 calories and are artery cloggers. Other than that, they are wonderful!

    linda@adventuresinexpatland.com recently posted Out with the Old- In with the New.

  183. 183
    Jennifer F.

    If you put the word “chalupa” into Babelfish text translator, it says it means “small canoe” in Spanish. So, it’s a small canoe full of greasy delicious, rowing straight for my arteries.

  184. During a rather sad point in our lives, my husband worked at Taco Bell and the main part of his job was deep frying Chalupa shells or “dropping Chalupas”. To this day we use the term “Drop the Chalupa” as a euphemism for sex

  185. Elmo knows what a chalupa is:

  186. No offense to your igloo-building skills, but I think maybe you should watch this: http://www.nfb.ca/film/How_to_Build_an_Igloo.

    Also, in reference to the *other* Julie’s comment, if you haven’t had a poutine, you’re definitely missing out on one of life’s great pleasures.

    julie recently posted Life lessons learned early.

  187. I have nothing witty to say here, but I wanted to give you virtual hugs. Flairs suck balls. I have them after the holidays a lot, too, and I don’t create Christmas miracles, so I can only imagine how all of that stress built up to knock you down.
    Also, I call them “sausage fingers” and I hate them, too, because I can’t wear any of my old rings…
    I hope you at least have good pain stuff. I have oxycodone right now on top of the daily stuff. I’d mail you some if it wasn’t , like, illegal and whatnot. And if I was any good at sharing…
    Oh, also? Happy very belated birthday! Mine was a day before yours! So happy very belated birthday to us both! :-)

    Kayly Newcomer recently posted Not Happy About Todays Horoscope.

  188. How the hell can anyone live to adulthood without eating an enchilada?? That is so wrong. Taco Bells food is shit but Taco Bueno is yummy…not sure if they have those outside of OK and AR but I love them. *shakes head at the fuckedupness of the human race and goes back to the tv to watch Dr. Who*

  189. next time i’m in your neck of the woods, i’m taking you out for chalupas. because i love a fucking chalupa. and i’m cheap.

  190. I took some friends from Mexico out for Mexican food at a TexMex restaurant, one was reading the menu and asked me what kind of food could a chalupa possibly be since in Spanish it usually referred to a small boat or, as a joke, a really big shoe. He’d also never had enchiladas, and told me that casseroles looked like something he’d feed to the dogs. Man, Mexicans don’t know what they’re missing.

    Best of luck with the hands, I’m sure this weather isn’t helping.

  191. That comment of the day from Adam Jones had me laughing my ASS off for almost 10 minutes straight every time I thought of it!! The reason is, I have a good friend who is white. I am of Hispanic/Mexican descent born American. We are very good friends, becausse I wouldn’t take this joke from anyone else very well.

    Anyway, we were at work one day and she had to go to the bathroom. She stood up from her desk and says in her best Mexican accent she could make, “I haf tu make a Cha-luuuuu-pa!” We cracked up like crazy!!! Because she wasn’t talking about Taco Bell food, if you know what I mean. Now, I am going to send her the comment from Mr. Jones and she will get a big kick out of it.

    rtcrita recently posted Guard this Caldo recipe with your life!.

  192. Take one tablespoon of Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar (raw) in an 8 ounce glass of water 2x per day for your arthritis. Swear. Couldn’t live without it. Neither can my 75 year old mother in law who believes in NOTHING. After 1-2 weeks doing it religiously, you will be really surprised.

  193. You know, when I lived in Brownsville, TX, I learned that Chalupa wasn’t just a food item. It also turns out to be a bingo-like game that is played with cards and cute little drawings of stuff which is also called Lotteria. And it is the name of the picture in that game of the pretty woman in a boat with a lot of flowers. I was also told that if you play Chalupa after midnight, the devil will come. So, you know, not only is Chalupa (which I keep capitalizing for some strange reason) the most versatile Spanish word ever, but it is also, arguably, the most powerful since it can entertain you, feed you, call a pretty lady in a boat filled with flowers, and summon the Prince of Darkness (not Ozzy, the other one).

  194. 194
    lou chalupa

    The word chalupa means holiday house translated from Czech language.

  195. hi, a “chalupa” is my last name. originated from Austria (next door to germany). and its pronouced as shh not ch. just want you to know that when i first read the head line i was quite offended but as i read on a caught the funny side of it. the only reason why i evan came across this site is because i did a random last name google search and this came up, so of course i had to have a quik look at the site, thanks for your time.. from the australian bloke Fred Chalupa.

  196. i am a chalupa haha lol

  197. So I’m up late at night having the world’s shittiest week and a half ever…..trying to cheer myself up because i got lectured on my housekeeping and husband satisfying skills during a surprise visit from my mother in law and I have no alcohol in the house and got stood up by my friend and missed the cool halloween party with door prizes and everything at the local tattoo place even though I had permission from my dissatisfied husband who just told me not to get a tattoo and I’m all like, “why would I get a tattoo,” and he’s all…..you’ve done stupider things…..to which I think to myself….yeah….I’m gonna get another tattoo sometime but not tonight so just shut up….and I’m tired of laundry and I’m reading back posts of yours……..and holy moo…..you know the lady from epiphanie bags! I’ve been drooling over one of those forever and a day now but hubby says I have to be practical when all I want to do is buy my beloved camera a pretty little bag because it’s a freaking business expense….but no….I have too many bags already blah, blah, blah……men….they just don’t get it.

  198. I just wanted you to know that I had never heard of a TOSTADA until well into adulthood because we always called them CHALUPAS. So there.

    Must be a Texas thing.

  199. CHALUPA!

    I miss y’all <3 :-)

    rachel recently posted Mouthwatering Mondays {Week 20}.

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