So apparently my blog went viral and/or bacterial with my last post. This seems like the kind of thing people dream about, but since I don’t get paid by traffic it really just meant that my servers crashed and a lot of angry people yelled at me that I should kill myself in really creative (and violently misspelled) ways. Which actually? Was kind of hysterical, and Victor and I cannot stop quoting you. Well done, you.
For those of you who are new here and who actually want to stick around, welcome. And also I’m sorry. Normally this would be a moderately clever paragraph about wolverines or giant squid, but I’m in Puerto Rico this week and I’m just too sleepy to be witty. Luckily, I’ve made a t-shirt for you. (Also available in infant sizes.)
And now, this week’s Shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here:
What you missed on Ill-Advised:
What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
- Nothing. I’m on vacation.
What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):
- A friend of mine emailed me a link to an article discussing vagina cosmetic surgery. And by “friend” I mean “someone who wants me to forever be self-conscious of my lady garden.”
What you missed in my shop, tentatively “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- A Beyonce Chicken card. The inside of the card says “Knock-knock, motherfuckers” so it’s pretty much perfect for all occassions. I suggest keeping several handy for condolence cards.
What you missed on the internets:
- I have no idea. I heard my blog was on the front page of Fark. I’ve been vaguely unplugged so I’m sure I’m missing something.
This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF. Sadly, I can’t link to any of it because I keep losing my internet connection. Also, I’m sitting in the business center of the hotel while everyone else is out on the beach and it’s making me sad. Seriously. Even the guy who runs the business center is out there. I promise to make up for all of this when I get home. Tales of cock-fighting, planes falling from the sky, and intentionally drinking bacteria will abound. Unless I get distracted…ooh look, carpet!
This week’s round-up sponsored by the dangerously awesome people at Credit Karma, who want to help you save your money. They’ve been featured everyplace from CNN to the New York Times but they’re open-minded enough to realize that being featured on irreverent blogs like this one can be just as valid. This either means they are brilliant or completely daft. Either way, you should check them out.