Listen to the bananas

I saw this life-hack about how you can lightly trace notes on banana skins with toothpicks and then the next day the notes will show up like magic.

The person writing the tip suggested writing sweet notes for your kids on their bananas.  I promptly went and traced notes on all of our bananas and then immediately forgot about it, until the next day when I heard Victor screaming about how the bananas were talking to him.

I acted like he was insane and like I couldn’t see any notes on the bananas, and asked if maybe he needed to go lay down and rest, but then he was all “I recognize your handwriting, dumb-ass.  Why are you writing threatening letters on the bananas?” and I was like “Because we were out of post-its?”  But then I finally admitted that I was just practicing, because I thought it would be funny to write paranoid demands on bananas at the grocery store, so that when people get them home they’ll be all “What the fuck?  Are these bananas talking to me?  WHAT DOES IT MEAN?”  Then Victor just shook his head and walked out of the room.  Probably because he couldn’t stand how awesome I am.

PS.  I suppose you could also write sweet, complimentary things on anonymous bananas, like “You’re so beautiful” and junk, but honestly I think having a banana hitting on me would be way creepier than one telling me to “Act natural.  You’ll be contacted soon.”  It’s probably just me.

PPS.  I can only think of about 6 things to write on stranger’s bananas so if you have any suggestions, please leave them.

713 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Damn, even your banana pictures are funnier than mine.

    Daddy Scratches recently posted I’m baaaaa-aaaaack.

  2. I just spit ice all over my keyboard.

    I am SO stopping at Kroger on the way home!

  3. Going to the store now to buy some bananas!

    Jules recently posted I Love You, Matt Damon.

  4. Maybe it’s too early in the morning, but “writing things on stranger’s bananas” was fucking hilarious to me.

    Corinne recently posted Quirks and random facts.

  5. As for banana-writing-for-strangers suggestions: How ’bout, “I know what you’re REALLY going to use this for”? (And by that, I of course mean “battling your potassium deficiency.”)

    Daddy Scratches recently posted I’m baaaaa-aaaaack.

  6. more banana lines…

    that shirt? really?

    crocs are for idiots.

    me cream pie. (get it? banana cream pie? …)

    go suck an egg.

    your mama’s so fat…

    gin and juice

    “organic”

    ke$ha was here.

    i <3 apples

  7. Banana dirty talk would be great. “Yes, I AM happy to see you.” “Have you ever seen one THIS big?”

    Erin recently posted A Better Friend to Myself.

  8. “Eat me” ?

  9. Holy crap, this is AWESOME. So many dirty things to write for my fiance on those. Wonder how long it’ll take him to figure out how I’m making it happen.
    I’ll just tell him I’m buying dirty bananas.

    Allyn recently posted Foodie Friday: Swamp Shrimp.

  10. That is laugh out loud funny! I wish my husband ate bananas so I could do the same! Instead, I will have to find strangers to scare the hell out of ;)

    Natalie recently posted Mommy Moment at the Monster – Liz Style.

  11. More suggestions:

    “Peel me to see a really big spider”

    “Tip: Ebola is transmitted by touch”

    “Help! 1601 Jefferson Ave HURRY”

    moooooog35 recently posted My Cosmonaut Facebook Friend-slash-Lover.

  12. Howsabout “This banana will self-destruct 30 seconds after eating it.”

  13. If you were magic, then you could write on the inside of the banana skin, to only be seen after it’s completely consumed, “Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have a rash.” OMG rampant banana STDs!!
    Or
    “Don’t mind the spots, it’s just monkey pee.”
    “Murderer”

    AlishaJaybird recently posted New Ideas = New (and hopefully more) Posts.

  14. Ahhh…we’re talking bananas and not, well, er, ‘Bananas’ *wink*. My way is also a ton of fun. Getting random men to lie still is a bit tricky, but do-able with sedation.

    HerMelness Speaks recently posted Guest Post: Sssssh….

  15. I have NEVER been so excited to go to the grocery. Those bananas are going to have so much to say!

    *Inspiring, Jenny. Inspiring.*

    Danielle recently posted Crafts and Babies. Yeah, I might be a mommyblogger…. Whatever.

  16. I suppose “Eat me” is a little obvious… “phallic” would just be rude. “Call your mother” might help strengthen family bonds, or finally push someone over the edge of matricide. “Hi, my name is Anna” would be cute. “whadda you lookin’ at?” would be a good one for NJ…

    Amy recently posted A Dog Walk in the Woods.

  17. This is brilliant and I want to do it so badly. It would give me so much joy! I just wish I would be able to see people’s response. Maybe I will try it on my roommate first like you did on Victor…
    Much love,
    B

    B. in the Know recently posted Just a Thought….

  18. **Snickers** @ Erin. Excellent.

    Corinne recently posted Quirks and random facts.

  19. God, that’s cute!
    I found out the other day that my 21-month old nephew loves bananas to the extent that, from half a store away he spotted them and started screaming, “BANANAS! Bananas bananas! Want BANANAS!” I should tell my sister to scratch “Time to go night-night” in the skins. It might save her a few migraines.

  20. Don’t turn around!

    Yours should have said , Hi, Victor

  21. I once scratched “Don’t kid yourself. You know you did it.” on a banana and my ex told me he cheated on me with his favorite barista at Starbucks. I still can’t believe he confessed because of accusatory fruit. Also, I haven’t had Starbucks since.

    Amy recently posted Inspiration, Motivation or Whatever.

  22. Should I be worried that I was eating a banana when I came across this post? Now I’m afraid of what the rest of the bunch will have to say tomorrow.

  23. I’m addicted. I came up with about a hundred in an instant.

    Don’t Panic!
    Calm down!
    Help me!
    Eat me.
    These are not the bananas you’re looking for.
    It’s a trap!
    Sasquatch.
    If found, please return to tree.

    Sophware recently posted sophware: @glafrance Is that a kiss or bass-mouth? I think you achieved both, lol..

  24. “I’m watching you”

    “reD ruM”

    moooooog35 recently posted My Cosmonaut Facebook Friend-slash-Lover.

  25. I am SO doing this.
    bwwaaahahahahahha

  26. ‘Hard on the outside, soft on the inside’
    ‘Eat Apples’

  27. 6 Things to write on bananas:

    1. Let me out!
    2. Buy a plantain.
    3. C’mon. I have a kid.
    4. For intended purpose only.
    5. Wanna know what’s under the peel?
    6. I’d eat you if I could.

    Cassandra recently posted Guest Review: Before I Go To Sleep.

  28. That’s the most useful Lifehack I’ve read to date. I’m giddy imaginging the endless possibilities of messaging I can include on my tradesman husband’s lunch bananas. As you might imagine, his co-workers are relentless about his affection for the fruit.

    Suburban Snapshots recently posted The Very Sad Way We Girls Became Outnumbered.

  29. Every once in a while, my 17 year old writes “Banana Phone” on a random banana…and I don’t know why!

  30. If you are to leave the Bananas in thE grocery store I would write “Check out the melons over there.”

    Or “Wolverines!”

  31. “I’m really a plantain”
    “Don’t touch me, asshole”
    “Banana hammock”
    “Eat more grapes”
    “How YOU doin?”
    “Bruises hurt”
    “I can’t stand this bunch I’m with”
    “I taste like chicken”
    Of course, you must either write really small, or find some really long bananas for some of mine. I’m wordy.

    SarcasminAction recently posted I Have a Much Better Post Planned But I Can't Finish It What With My Currently Dying and All..

  32. Poor Victor must be dizzy for all the head shaking he does.

    Sharyn recently posted A List Of Things I've Done This Summer, And Summer's Nowhere Near Over.

  33. 33
    Underwater Attack Cat

    “For a good time call: 555-1212″

  34. This banana will self-destruct in 60 seconds.

  35. Writing threatening notes on bananas makes more sense anyway. I am totally going to have to try it out on my kids! Too funny.

  36. –>How about – –

    “It’s hot in here.”
    “The monkeys scare me.”
    “It isn’t easy being green.”
    “Sometimes I feel fat too.”
    “The brown spots are angel kisses.”
    “Wolverines!”

    WebSavvyMom recently posted King of the Hill. Everyone is Going into the Drink..

  37. bahahahaha I love the readers comments as well.

    “Eat me. I dare you.”

    “You are going to do what with me?”

    “Continued ——>”

    “They Lied”

    “They Live”

    “We Are Watching”

    I’m sure I could think of more if I really tried lol

    L.A.C.E. recently posted Silent Sunday.

  38. I don’t care what you write on them, just be sure to sign them – love, metal chicken Beyonce.

  39. “Tell no one.”

    “look Behind you”

    “Property of Copernicus” (of course, you could only use that at your house…)

    You totally made my morning. And I’m going to get bananas after work…

  40. I’m so glad I read this before I went to the grocery store today.

    “Undress me” might be funny.

    Em recently posted Mind-Blowing Grace.

  41. “The truth is out there.”

    “You have a boogie.”

    “Pervs are watching you eat this banana.”

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] recently posted What To Expect When You’re Expecting Nervous Poops At #BlogHer11.

  42. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

    “I have a dream…”

    “Bite Me!”

    “Have you seen my chicken?”

    Mel Francis recently posted friday miscellaneous.

  43. “Soon, Human. Soon.”
    And:
    “IT HURTS, PLEASE JUST KILL ME.”

  44. “Knock-knock, motherfucker.”

    Beyonce’s writing on the bananas again.

    Michelle recently posted An Adventure In Which We Met Superheroes..

  45. I think you may have just increased the sale of bananas in the area. lol

  46. I have to go to the store now, brb.

  47. “The potatoes have eyes.”

    “I’m with stupid —–>”

    “No, I’m not happy to see you.”

    Actually, I carve my son’s name into his banana for daycare. I’m going to start adding more and so I can weird out the caregivers by being more “creative.”

    Frumptastic recently posted Baby, baby.

  48. OH! and possibly “Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana?”

    Mel Francis recently posted friday miscellaneous.

  49. must go do this immediately. and at $14.99 per kilo currently (that’s $7.50 a lb people, $7.50) it may just cross into fine art territory.

    JJ recently posted Spicy Carrot, Tomato and Lentil Soup.

  50. Hammock. (clearly)

  51. 52
    Jon Caudill

    Banana: “Knock Knock, M.F.”

  52. 53
    Steve in Clearwater FL

    i say, i say….this is a pretty mucked up group reading this here post…..

    Either that or I’m just grumpy because MOOG was right at two hours ahead of me for redrum, redrum

    Though to that I would add a small pinky finger with eyes if I could draw stuff

  53. “Buy a big metal chicken” You know to spread the movement. ;)

    Lyd recently posted Full of the Random.

  54. @Michelle
    That made me laugh more than the bananas at the top of the page! Long live Beyonce!

  55. Banana like human meat.
    Eat me and I kill you.
    Bananas are poison.
    Bananas make you pregnant.
    Banana like you.
    You’re pregnant.

    Julie
    ilikebeerandbabies.blogspot.com

    Julie recently posted The Quiet Contemplator's Birth Story Part 1.

  56. I’ve got PLENTY of ideas–
    “Stop picking your nose”
    “Pop-Rocks Rule”
    “Take orally”
    “Eat Me”
    “No Means No”
    “Don’t Forget Milk”
    “TBMC was here.”

  57. Haha that is cool. I would screw with so many people.

    Ashley recently posted Trigger Warnings & Comment Policies.

  58. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but you can also use a needle to poke holes in the skins every 1/2 inch or so down the banana. when you have the needle inserted you move it back and forth. Then, when the person opens the banana it falls apart in slices.

    I say, hit victor with both.

    And maybe “Happy Breakfast, Motherfucker”

  59. “Eat me and I will take your soul.”

    “I’m what death tastes like.”

    “Goodbye John.” (Write that on enough bananas and you’re BOUND to get one picked up by a John.)

    “I carry rabies… And syphilis.”

    That’s pretty much as dark as I can go for now. Give me half an hour to recharge and I’ll probably have more.

    Lisa recently posted Oh this is like the best thing ever wrapped in amazingness..

  60. I would go with:

    “They’re in the Pantry!”
    “Rosebud…”
    “Seriously?!?!”
    “Banana Rights Now!”

    There are more…oh, there are so many more….

    Shelley recently posted Paint Wars!.

  61. You are too funny! And quite evil. Great combination. :)

  62. How about you just write “I’m a banana, I’m a banana”? I so need to do that to one of ours, but then I will have to hear that damned song for days.

  63. “Wash me, you have no idea where I’ve been.”

    Eric recently posted Random Pics.

  64. I was going to post some things to write on bananas but now I want to know where JJ lives and has to pay that much for bananas.

    Karen recently posted It's not nice to ask for my ID and then call me ma'am!.

  65. ” Reserved ”
    “Sorry, I’m not into that kind of thing ”
    “You’re gonna do what?”
    “Tag, you’re it”
    “Don’t look behind you”
    “hahahahahahahaha….no”

  66. Can’t wait for the price of Banana’s in Australia to come down just so that I can try this. At almost $18AUD they are a tad pricey ATM.

    Even just a name might stop the people I live with from stealing my fruit. So a good one for that would be “Property of “Insert your name here”

  67. love this

  68. Oh my goodness, this was the perfect thing for first thing Monday morning. My mind also goes immediately to threatening messages, because they’re so much more fun when they mysteriously appear. Too bad my husband doesn’t like bananas . . . Oh well, random acts of insanity right?
    I’m thinking:

    You’re being followed. NO! Don’t look!
    Don’t even blink
    It’s heeeeeeeeeeeeere.
    REDRUM
    Are you the gatekeeper?
    I am the keymaster
    There’s something on your back

    Also, I think it would be awesome to write a different message each day “5 days” “4 days” “3 days” “2 days” “1 day . . .” so it looks like the apocolypse is being spelled out in bananas, but you might want to do that one at home because I have a feeling it would cause a terrorist alert if you did it in the grocery store.

  69. Since my bananas are only seen and eaten by me, unless I develop intermittent amnesia, writing messages on the ones at home is a waste of time. The grocery store, however …

    Emergency dildo ONLY!

    e. coli test sample

    HOLD for Dept. of Agriculture

    Did you hear that?

    Save yourself!

    ORGANIC. No, really…

    Jami recently posted Sharing is caring.

  70. As Rod Ryan likes to say, which I can appreciate…
    Bring the banana to your mouth, not your mouth to the banana.
    (Otherwise it’s banana porn. Need I say more?)

  71. “Seedless”
    “Monkey Wrench”
    “Here’s Johnny!”
    “Runt of the bunch”
    “Yellow 5″

  72. “Copernicus says you’re next”

  73. Can’t lie… I’m immediately going to purchase bananas and leave them in file cabinets around the office with things like, “YOU’LL REGRET IT” and “HE’S WATCHING”.

  74. And how is it that no one has brought up covering it with peanut butter?

    sofaqueen recently posted My love/hate relationship with Carnival Cruise lines.

  75. Ohmygawd, I’m dying laughing. I can’t wait to leave a bunch of noted bananers at the boyfriend’s house next time I go up!

  76. I see mass chaos ensuing at a grocery store near you! Or me…or all over the U.S. (& possibly other countries). This could be big. News worthy. Sheer Brilliance, Jenny!

    Lily Belle recently posted Family Visit.

  77. I am totally stealing your hilarious idea. Go Bananas! Go, go bananas!

  78. OMG, I am overwhelmed at your cunning, and am currently writing on bananas. Peer pressure, much? Thanks for the morning LMAO…

  79. I am not clever enough to come up with something but that is too funny!!

    Mandy recently posted Sunday!.

  80. “This banana is latex-intolerant.”

    Kella recently posted My soul is not for sale. I’ll consider fair rental fees, however….

  81. “Not for anal insertion”

    “Batteries not included”

    “45% genuine fruit”

    “wash with similar colours”

    “FLAMMABLE”

  82. “rama”
    “nanna fo fana”
    “Ring! Ring!”

  83. “This banana intentionally left blank.”

    Nota Supermom recently posted No Ordinary Burger—Johnsonville Recipe, Contest and Giveaway.

  84. 87
    Feelmahballz

    Spam is made from bananas

    Feelmahballz recently posted Listen to the bananas.

  85. 88
    Underwater Attack Cat

    World Peace!
    You have red on you.
    I look sexy.
    Want to see a joke? Turn me over. (Repeat on the other side)
    Hold me to your ear and hear the ocean!

  86. I went the obvious route: “Knock, knock motherfucker.”

    Ruaidh recently posted Friends, networking, and helping.

  87. My aunt used to write sweet notes on bananas but then she went to the dark side and started leaving instructions:

    “Clean your Room”
    “Take The Dog Out”
    “I Love You” on reverse side “HOMEWORK”

    I always felt bad for my cousins.

    Manda recently posted My New Business Venture:.

  88. Don’t forget the rice crispies.
    You know you want to.
    Over-ripe – take that guy! –>
    I’m watching.

    Totally gonna do this and mess with everyone!

    Cheryl M. recently posted How the hell…?.

  89. I feel so awful. I just ate my banana, and didn’t even read it. What do you think it was trying to tell me?

  90. How about the timeless and classic “Fuck You.” Maybe add an emoticon, too, like ;-)

    the muskrat recently posted solo and sober: a journey.

  91. “Ignore what’s on the other banana”

  92. Oh, the stories my bananas could tell…

    Sidney recently posted Dirty song. Slop alert..

  93. You killed my family!

  94. Start having it get mad with other fruit. “Don’t trust the apples…”, “The oranges are a lie!”, “Strawberries? Seriously?”

  95. “It’s peanut butter jelly time!”

    Ashley recently posted Trigger Warnings & Comment Policies.

  96. OMG, love this. I must go home and write some notes on the bananas right now!

  97. I’m partial to ‘they know.’ It doesn’t get much more sinister than that.

    Maybe a countdown to some imaginary event.

    ‘7 days.’

    Kristen recently posted I have the voice of an angel..

  98. ‘The grapes are planing an escape’

  99. “FFS Just use your hand once in a while.”

    wolfshades recently posted Summer Sponge.

  100. Great way to freak your kids out! Ha!

    Happy Simcoe Day!

    Teena in Toronto recently posted Happy Simcoe Day!.

  101. is it possible to be incarcerated for banana defacing? I’d like to see a judge in *that* courtroom.

    “You’re undressing me with your eyes again”
    “It’s gettin hot in herrrr”
    “Watch your step” – obviously for when you discard the peel on the ground…prat fall material.
    • perhaps it could be used as a cross marketing effort?
    “Buy Nilla Wafers and Vanilla Pudding”
    “The grapes are looking at me.”
    • maybe just really awesome movie quotes?
    “But you ain’t got no legs Lt. Dan” ~ Forrest Gump
    “What is your major malfunction numbnuts?” ~ Full Metal Jacket
    “Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.” ~ Planet of the Apes

  102. I just love that Cara and I are both Doctor Who fans. I’m thinking of drawing a little police box on mine. Or Keep Calm and Carry On.

    LadyV recently posted Maniacally rubbing my kitchen counters.

  103. sketch a picture of Jesus’ face.

  104. 108
    Feelmahballz

    Size DOES matter!

  105. “alien pod #4,293,928 B”
    “help meeeeeee”
    “put de lime in de coconut”

  106. “Don’t eat me. I am saving myself for pudding!”

    Andrea Little recently posted Shake-A-Tail-Feather.

  107. “soylent green is BANANAS”
    (m/b time to cut off my supply of sci-fi)

  108. The comments on this post are fucking fantastic, as is the post itself. All of my bananas are going to say “Moo.”
    Also, I had to sing that Gwen Stefani song to myself in order to correctly spell “Bananas”.

    Eryn recently posted Proud Moments in Parenting.

  109. P.S. This shit is bananas, yo.

    Eryn recently posted Proud Moments in Parenting.

  110. @Mel Francis and @Nota SuperMom…..I fell out of my chair! Funny!

    For banans at the store:
    “Clean up on Aisle 4″
    Or, I was thinking on the same bunch of bananas, write “Pick me! Pick me!” then on the others write things like “Dork” “Suck up” etc…

    Paula recently posted Same old tricks.

  111. Size is EVERYTHING!
    I see dead people
    Eat Me
    They’re watching
    I swear it wasn’t me! It was the apple!
    Biohazard

    Abby recently posted Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Do Laundry.

  112. I’d do “We’re always watching” or “Turn around slowly” or “We saw what you did last summer” or “Bring Susan Wine”…

    Susan recently posted You had me at bacon….

  113. You know what they say about guys with big bananas…

    sofaqueen recently posted My love/hate relationship with Carnival Cruise lines.

  114. Wow. My kids have been doing this for a long time. I didn’t realize that it was a “thing.” So, you’re telling me that my kids are “trendy?” I just thought they were a little dense. Especially since they were writing their own NAMES on the bananas and then claiming that “It wasn’t ME! I swear!” with wide, wide eyes which, you know, is kind of funny because they, too, have easy to recognize handwriting. Especially my daughter who writes some letters backwards, still.

    Grocery store bananas should say something like “Oranges are healthier” or “Carnivores are wealthier.”

    tracey recently posted Feeling Betta.

  115. 119
    Underwater Attack Cat

    Emilio!!!
    Just hanging.
    Will Wheaton says hi.
    Do you have the security clearance?
    Feelin’ fruity.
    Repels zombies!

  116. “Fuck Apples.”

  117. You are my hero. Why didn’t I think of something as awesome as this?

    Colleen recently posted Namaste.

  118. People are freaked out enough as it is by the whole 2012 idea. So just write “2012” in a Banana at the store and watch people freak more! (or “2012 is near”)

    Danielle recently posted I Finally Figured Out How To Survive The Store....Or So I Thought!.

  119. Anon beat me to it.

    I would just write: “Soon.”

  120. put me in your pocket
    the bloggess was here
    intactivist

    amber recently posted Skeleton Lake.

  121. I just toothpicked “put me inside you” on a bannana. Also, “we will rise again” and ” I WILL HAVE REVENGE”.

  122. “Have you seen my mommy?”

    “Where’s my family?”

    “AHHHHHHHHHH!”

    Christin recently posted I’m a child progeny.

  123. Am I the only one who sees a face grimly staring out of the stem end of the “they know” banana? Time to list that fruit on eBay.

  124. You really don’t want to know where I’ve been”

  125. “banana cream pie is murder”

    “ro ma romama, want your bad romance”

    “ba na na hey hey hey goodbye”

    And of course, the previously mentioned, “knock knock, motherfucker” simply must be included.

  126. 130
    DeadWarlock

    You need to set up on a whole bunch..
    “Parachute…”
    “stuck to tree”
    “Send help”

  127. Peel at your own risk.
    Slippery when wet.
    Contains 10% Pot- Do not inhale

  128. Suggestion for banana graffiti: Knock, knock, mofo.

  129. I wish I could write on bananas in the store!
    I’m poisoned
    I hope you choke
    I’m pregnant, don’t eat me!

    Jamie recently posted I'm a Guest Blogger!.

  130. Is it wrong that I know want to go buy bananas just to see if a stranger has written something on them?

    NerdGirl recently posted Playing Catch Up.

  131. I wish I wasn’t allergic to bananas! This is hilarious. I will so risk getting sick to write on someone’s banana. Hopefully next time we go camping in a big group someone brings a bunch of bananas. mwahahahahahhahahaha

  132. “My wife left town with a banana / My baby’s slippin’ away…”

    Greatest idea ever… you should totally do it.

    bluzdude recently posted Countdown to Liftoff.

  133. I will be sketching the Virgin Mary. Thanks.

  134. Things to scratch on a banana:
    The Pottermore clue for tomorrow is…

    Susan Sipal recently posted Captain Neville and his Crew of Bodyguards.

  135. This would be so fun to do. Except I’d take the bananas to another aisle to write on them because the deli counter is right there and it would just look strange.

    Cynthia (It All Changes) recently posted Carpe “Diems”.

  136. Do I AMUSE you?

  137. 141
    ThatLadyOverThere

    I do believe that you and I were separated at birth… as I would so do this and I can totally picture the metal chicken scenario playing out at my house (and the conversation at the store) being identical with me. I love you and I think we should have beautiful babies together — except Im a female so I will likely have to admire you from afar — (or from the produce aisle via bananas)!

  138. Get 2 of them side by side and write “eat him first” and on the other one “no, eat him first”
    That would get me laughing!

    Karen recently posted Fibro Friday - An embarrassing symptom.

  139. My husband asked me to bring home bananas tonight. Coincidence? Hmmm…what are they going to say to him tomorrow???

    Julie_M recently posted Storms and Stamping.

  140. Oh, now whenever I go over to someone’s house I am going to write on their bananas. This will be great. I am going to start with my grandmother.

  141. 145
    ShellyLenn

    Love this!

    “Orange”
    “Monkey bait”
    “Orgasmic [crossed out] Organic”
    “Don’t look up”
    “Gotta split”
    “This side up” [with arrow pointing to stem]
    “Eat more broccoli”
    “WHYYYY???”
    “King Kong wuz here”

  142. No good thoughts to add on what to write. My wife and I write to each other in the bathroom mirror after a shower. Write in the fog with your finger and the words show up again the next time the mirror gets fogged. It’s how I proposed and how she accepted.

    Have to consider writing some of these interesting suggestions, except she’ll know it’s me doing the writing. Hm.

    Sarah Laurenson recently posted An Answer For Jen.

  143. 1. Ring Ring

    2. Undress me

    3. This sh*t is…

    4. Rosebud

    Thanks for making me spit out my coffee this morning =) Really. I wanted to make a mess…

    MWAH!

    Jenn L @ Peas and Crayons recently posted Greek Potato Salad.

  144. How about fortune cookie-style fortunes?

    Walk the straight and narrow path for now.
    What’s vice today may be virtue tomorrow.
    You need to talk to someone.
    Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.
    Idleness is the holiday of fools.
    May you live in interesting times.

    Oh, wait. That last one is a curse…..

  145. I am sooo doing this!

  146. I have never liked bananas. Now I know why. I will, however, continue to buy them for my family. Only THIS time, I’ll write horrifying things and see if they even notice. They probably won’t. That’s the worst part about trying terrify oblivious people. *sigh*

    Balanced Idjit recently posted Some Ex-Spouses should be set ablaze.

  147. This is gold. I just bought a bunch today and I’m off to write on them now.
    I think I’ll put PEEL HERE with an arrow pointing to the wrong end. Surely someone in my family is daft enough to fall for it.

  148. I can no longer read your blog at works. My colleagues are getting suspicious. I will have to leave bananas strategically placed around my desk.

    The Wifely Person recently posted It Could've Been Worse....Really..

  149. hilarious!

    Janey recently posted Violet Sparkles.

  150. Put your mouth on me

    Bob's BFF recently posted Idiot.

  151. Either we read the same sites or I’m becoming like you from too much exposure to your blog. :) First you have the Cookie monster cupcakes I just made with my child and just this am I saw the banana trick and wrote “I’m dying here!” on one in the kitchen.

  152. absolutely hilarious!

    Janey recently posted Violet Sparkles.

  153. could you set up a google voice phone and have a voicemail with mission details and just carve the phone number on the banana?

    ADDGirl recently posted Synchronized lounging.

  154. Too funny, and so timely as a friend made banana cream pie last night and had my hubby and I over to share.

    Since nobody else has suggested it yet, I would say to write “Nanerpus” and “I love pancakes” on bananas. Bonus points for drawing on the eyes and moustache as well. For those who don’t remember or have no clue what I’m talking about, Here’s Nanerpus!

    Vado Banane recently posted Survival of the Fittest Isn't Working....

  155. You’re brilliant.

    And I can’t wait until my son can read and I will leave him notes like, “Go back to bed and don’t wake mommy.”

    Thanks for the inspiration!

    OhanaMama recently posted But, First: A Hot Shower.

  156. I TOTALLY just pinned this. Thanks for keeping me in stitches!

  157. Day-O
    Me Say Daaay-O
    Daylight Come
    Me Wanna Go Home

  158. My husband is insisting we go to the grocery store now to write “DOOOOOM” and “REPENT” all over the bananas. Five dollars says we get kicked out half-way through the first DOOOOM and end up with DOOO.

    Tracy recently posted A Big Decision.

  159. I think you should write messages like “please don’t eat me” or “I have a soul too” – really freak them out when they go to eat their bananas the next day.
    Also? Yeah, i am going to do this too. LOL

    Jenn recently posted Legitimate marriages in the Bible….

  160. I like “undress me.” :)

  161. Absolutely brilliant.

    If you write “These are not the bananas you’re looking for”, you’ll have to write the same thing on the whole bunch, so it would be like a Jedi banana chorus.

  162. I work in a silent testing room and had to get up and walk out bc I was laughing so hard.
    You could at least buy me dinner first!
    10 inches (on about a 6 inch banana)
    Poke me
    It was the butler in the kitchen.
    eeew, your hands smell-where have they been
    Idea for a whole bunch
    1. Knock Knock
    2. Who’s there
    3-? and so on.
    Also, you should totally put up a link to your website.

    Dawn recently posted Listen to the bananas.

  163. Loved @M “put me inside you” but I would say “I want to be inside you”

    Either way, I have a feeling that when I get the bananas home from the grocery, I’ll find that someone else has already written on all of them. Thank you, bloggess, for creating this fad that everyone wants to try and one that noone will get to try because the first person to the grocery store will have their way with every single banana on display!

    The Missus recently posted couch potato.

  164. I now know what I’m going to do when I get back to my flat-mates.

    Amy recently posted Red Velvet Whoopie Pies.

  165. FDA REGECT

    man was is stuffy in there

    im real, check your nightstand for the other one.

  166. I am dying over here!

  167. OBEY

  168. “I’m watching you…”

    “Everyone knows.”

    “Go to (insert address here) NOW”

    “Save yourself.”

    “It’s up to you now. You are the only one who can save us.”

    “Meet me in the dairy section.”

    “Is that a banana or are you happy to see me?”

    “Don’t look now.”

    “DON’T EAT ME!”

    “Hey asshole, why not an orange for once?”

    “I’m poisonous.”

    Brooke Farmer recently posted The Point of Diminishing Returns....

  169. This is not the banana you’re looking for.
    I licked all of these.
    I want to become pie.
    Or maybe pi?
    May the potassium be with you!

    HNtG recently posted The Ultimate Choice.

  170. How about, “Don’t even think about it, you dumbass fetish freak?” Makes people rethink the phallic produce purchases.

    Of course, I’d need to know what the word count capabilities of an average sized banana are so I can know whether or not I should mail fruit baskets with my manuscript etched into the bananas to lit agents around the world. It could be like seeing the Virgin Mary in the mold in your refrigerator, it’s a divinely inspired sign you should rep my book.

    Lorca Damon recently posted Organizational Skills Are Not My Strong Suit.

  171. This is fucking brilliant. I’m heading to the grocery now…

    Natalie recently posted I just wanted to sleep a little..

  172. Thank you, Dear Bloggess and subsequent posters for making this the most hysterical Monday ever! I’ll be off to the supermarket with toothpicks in hand. But first I will practice with the two unsuspecting ‘nanners’ in the kitchen!

  173. Holy cow, these coments are funny!!!!!

    I was going to say “This shit is…” But I see some people beat me to it.

    Of course, now all I’m singing in my head is B A N A N A S!

    I ain’t no hollaback guuuuurl.

    Virginia recently posted Random Thought #4.

  174. I’d go to the grocery store and write… “you just won $1000.”

  175. Compost Me.

  176. Veins and a foreskin. My local market has some pretty greenish bananas now. If I adulterate them, it’ll be days before the image shows. I think I have to go to the store now…

  177. You want to know what is even better? Actually writing on a banana. No joke. Get a Bic pen and go crazy. It’s the most wonderful surface. Like writing on a baby’s bottom. Not that I’ve ever had a chance to compare.

    anne recently posted Sticky-Note Challenge: Draw what you’re most looking forward to about spring.

  178. OMG- you are one funny lady!!!

  179. Wanna split?

  180. for left-in-store bananas:

    Best Before (date 2 days ago)

    Experiment #356-927

    If found, please return to (store you are sabotaging)

    Rachel recently posted Development Spurt?!.

  181. 185
    Jen Brooks

    I can’t breath!
    Yes, we have no bananas today
    you look tasty
    be gentle! I bruise easily
    Whirled Peas

  182. I think I’ll head to the grocery store now. I’m thinking:
    Whatever you do, don’t blink.
    Exterminate!
    Better than fava beans.
    I see you.
    You shouldn’t have done that.
    I know what you did.

    I’m also thinking of adding websites. Free advertising, Jenny!

  183. Please draw the Virgin Mary. Then your banana can be sold for millions on Ebay.

  184. “Don’t eat me. I’m poisoned.”
    “Also, don’t trust that guy to your left. He looks suspicious.”
    “Fine, go ahead, eat me. You took my wife and children earlier this week–what do I have to live for?”
    “Yes, bananas have feelings too, you monster.”

  185. For a good time call 555-1212 (insert your worse enemies phone number here).

  186. “You know what to do with me.”
    ;)

    Lexi recently posted Eureka! and Lip Gloss.

  187. Oh, wait, I rethought that last one. It’d be better to say:
    If found, return to (a competitor’s store) :)

    Rachel recently posted Development Spurt?!.

  188. Wow. My mother says you’re like an evil version of me, and I think she may be right. This only makes me want to be more evil, of course, out of sheer jealousy.

    I’m working on it, even though it will probably piss off my ghost, who seems fairly non-evil.

    Also I am adding “Write on Strangers’ Bananas” to the daily checkoff list on my iPad (recurring). I like to be organized about these things, although sadly I don’t come into contact with all that many strangers’ bananas. But it’s good to be optimistic – Law of Attraction and all that happy crappy. :)

    Anna Barlowe recently posted Dimmer Switch.

  189. Smell this, its your mom…

    Brandy recently posted Most Embarrassing moment.

  190. “You have a purty mouth”
    “Talk fruity to me”

  191. “Please insert orally.”

  192. I picked you.

  193. Hilliarous! Love it.

  194. 1) Don’t turn around
    2) The crow sleeps at midnight
    3) On an entire bunch of bananas, like a big bunch of them, write “All of these were in a vagina but one. Guess which”
    4) Don’t look in your mirror

    Wow, I’m having such an uncreative morning. How depressing with a post like this that just begs for hilarity.

    Sarah Elizabeth recently posted Where Odessa Basically Writes It For Me.

  195. Too funny…I’m totally doing this to my brother….he’s a total “snowboarder dude” and it will REALLY trip him up.

    formerrelationshipjunkie recently posted The first rule of fight club….

  196. “The produce manager followed you home last night.”

  197. 201
    Underwater Attack Cat

    Tu tienes novio, no?
    Han shot first.
    Free toy inside!
    I taste better covered in chocolate.

  198. Awesome. I think this would be a great place for company sponsorship. They could write “Michellin” or “Tide” on the sides of bananas! Then they could put wheels on them and make them race around a track for hours. Endless fun for rednecks.

    Brian Schroeder recently posted I hath drunk from thy healing waters, Princess Owatonna.

  199. 203
    LovesCheese

    If that doesn’t give you nightmares…nothing ever will.

    The hub-let and I were trying to figure a way to build the nannerpuss costume for Halloween…I’d be the ‘cakes, he’d be the puss. It’s only fitting.

    Still working on it.

  200. 204
    MelissaJane

    All your banana are belong to us.

    And “these are not the bananas you’re looking for” = genius.

  201. We don’t even eat bananas but I am pretty sure I must go buy some now. I am picturing talking bananas showing up all over the world in stores and law suits springing up with police trying to find out who is responsible for all the banana tampering.

    I swear I will not mention your name.

    Mary recently posted Le Coq Rouge.

  202. You guys are so hilarious!! But I think you could take it one step further and add “worms”. Poke a spaghetti noodle through one end of the banana and let it sit overnight. When somebody bites into it, they’ll think it’s a worm. Haha. It would be even funnier if you put “one of us has worms” on the outside of one in a whole bunch.

    Mel recently posted Brushy Logos, Raster vs Vector – say whaaaa?.

  203. How about,

    “Tsk, tsk you potassium WHORE!”

  204. “We need to buy more Post-Its”

  205. Or 867-5309, @UnderwaterAttackCat

    Kes recently posted Attitudes.

  206. 2nd banana:
    not kidding; REPENT

    If I were God... recently posted Bigger Boobs the natural way.

  207. 212
    Petit Elefant

    Don’t look now
    He’s behind you
    We’re out there
    You’ve got mail
    Will explode in 3,2…..
    Never surrender
    I’m watching you

  208. How about:

    The enemy is real.
    I look better naked.
    Turn around. (then on the flip side, Made you look.)
    Get thee to a nunary.
    Bite me.
    Tastes like monkeys.
    Suck it.

    Most of the good ones are alreay spoken for!

    Jessie recently posted Jesus H- it's not a bloody steak..

  209. International banana of mystery
    I know you are, but what am I?
    If found, return to Grape Ape.
    To rent this space please call xxx-xxx-xxxx

  210. Vote for Pedro!
    I am number 4
    Reserved
    LGBT only
    I was at Woodstock
    More cowbell
    Unripe, try tomorrow

  211. oh jeez…

    Straight
    I have the negatives
    You and what army?
    Buy one – Get 4 free

  212. TOTALLY. DOING. THIS.

    Messages:
    Eat Apples.
    Tell My Monkey I Love Him.
    Ouch.

    Melis recently posted A song and some things…..

  213. You definitely need one that says “Scratch N Sniff”, then hide around the corner to see who is actually dumb enough to do it. Tee hee….

    Tracy Flores recently posted The Dress...Take Two....

  214. “A Tally Man once tried to tally me so I ate his liver with some fava beans and nice Chianti…”

    You could spread the message out over a bunch. Banannabal Lecter. Just sayin’.

    Sarah recently posted The ABC's of Josh.

  215. Hey! You dropped your pocket.

    Eat Mor Aples (al la Chick-Fil-A)

    Caution, not to be used as a flotation device

    Caution, cape does not enable wearer to fly

    Caution, not to be eaten under water

    RUN! The call is coming from inside your house!

    You are the chosen one.

    Take me to your leaders.

    Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

    Life is better on other planets

  216. Oh! OH! OH!!!! This is the best thing I’ve heard since EVER! My job buys produce for the staff and bananas are a big hit (we’ve got a lot of orally fixated girls up in here; Freud would have a field day!). I should totally mess with my co-workers. Screw SHOULD, I totally AM going to mess with my co-workers!

    Sarah recently posted What I've Been Up To.

  217. I have more:

    WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT…WHOA..WHOA

    NOT A BANANA

    DO NOT INGEST

    TALLY ME

    I THINK WE NEED A BIGGER BANANA

    Cathy recently posted Daaaa Dum. Daaaa Dum. DaDum DaDum DaDum– Shark Week!!.

  218. Do not Remove This Tag Under Penalty of Law

  219. “Warranty Void If Seal Broken”

    Matt R. recently posted ‘Ti Punch.

  220. I love it! My team just went to camp and they do a “go bananas” cheer! I will post the link…

    http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=229141790462995&comments

  221. HELP! I’M BEING HELD HOSTAGE INSIDE A FORTUNE COOKIE COMPANY!

  222. Can’t WAIT for my boyfriend’s daughter to go back home so I can write naughty stuff on his bananas!

    Suzette recently posted Beverage of Choice.

  223. “The fat man walks alone.”

    Erin recently posted Sick. Sicky sick sick..

  224. Try this one… “I’m a phone. Hold me to your ear.”

  225. I know who you are…

    I saw what you did…

    Eat me…

    No, really, we’re here…

    Call your mother…

    Pass this on…

    Peel — then eat…

    Wrong end…

    No stabbing…

    Stab freely…

    Tastes like chicken…

    Ripe…

    tokenblogger recently posted It’s not a tumor!.

  226. This is great. The guys I used to work with (at a garage) liked propping a banana between two apples. It was funny until a customer would show up.
    How about:
    *The best 7 inches of your life.
    *Firm and Tasty
    *Raw and Uncut
    *You’ve got a pretty mouth.
    *Test Version
    *Test Code 69874

  227. I saw this on pinterest…So have to write something that shows up in my daughter’s lunch box…Like. “Just cuz all your FRIENDS eat bananas…” or ” Aren’t you glad I didnt pack an orange”

  228. 236
    SparkleBella

    Obviously love letters from Copernicus. Run faster.

  229. Oh. My. God. I love you…and your bananas! Where do you come up with this shit?

    Hi! I stumbled onto your blog from I don’t know where-but you are now locked in tight with a link on my blogs “Good Reads” I would write more but, hell, my blog is so full of why-are-we-here existential…crap that I’d just rather read yours!

    You rock!

    LC Guy

    http://leftcoastguy.com

    LC Guy recently posted Happy Faces.

  230. Good bye cruel world

    Don’t eat me. It Hurts

    I’m with stupid—>

    Penile Euphemism

    Kosher…ish

    Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

    Help Me (in wretched, disjointed handwriting)

    Congratulations. It’s a boy.

    Where is YOUR tin foil hat?

    Can’t stop the signal

    winning

    twitter ruined my life

    add me on face book

    I saw what you did there!

    If you like Pina Coladas….

    867-5309

    Banana phone

    Gotcha!

    Feed me

    Please don’t feed the Gorillas
    Any movie quote about insanity, conspiracy or sex would work, actually. Or Harry Potter

  231. Damn. My imaginary roommate can be so glad he/she does not exist right now. I would banana-torture the living shit out of them. If I had any bananas. Or roommates.
    Hm. There are serious flaws in my plan right now.

  232. This is CLASSIC. Here are a few more things to write on bananas:

    Put me down!
    Perv
    You have good hands
    Need more cowbell
    Boo!
    I <3 Bananarama
    I see you
    Are you high?

    Or, you could put public service announcements!

    Brush your teeth
    Eat your veggies (not me)
    brush your hair

  233. I had a slew of things to write, was nearly on my way to the store! Then I remembered things aren’t the same as not too many years ago… I’d most likely end up in jail for some infraction against homeland security for even looking at a banana crosseyed, let alone writing anything. The banana has found safe haven thanks to terrorism.

    JC recently posted Nicolas.

  234. Sea Monkeys

    Jane's Junk and Treasures recently posted IKEA GRAND OPENING!!!!!!!!!.

  235. I like liver
    The Monkey knows

    Jane's Junk and Treasures recently posted IKEA GRAND OPENING!!!!!!!!!.

  236. Psssst. You’re leaking.

    Valerie recently posted American Hot Rod Culture.

  237. Eat more grapes!
    You won’t shit for a week!
    Some ass hole wrote on me with a toothpick!

  238. Don’t look under your bed.

    Carri recently posted Summer Blog Social: Top 10 Tips for Blogging Newbies.

  239. I’ve got to try this the next time I’m at the grocery store.

    Tonight… you…
    Not in the ass!
    #1 fruit for teaching girls to deep throat.

    Teh Evil Penguin recently posted TEP on Stupidity.

  240. 248
    Cedarflame

    I’m Organic and you’re worth it!

  241. 249
    Cedarflame

    The Organic Bananas Lie…

  242. When my nerd friends and I were in high school, we used to write random, anonymous notes with pen on bananas and leave them places – peoples’ doorsteps, on top of cars (strangers’ cars…each others’ cars…whatever). Sometimes, we’d skip the notes altogether, and just leave bananas. Yep. We were totes awesome. It’s funny how the random, unexpected banana (containing a message, or not) can be ridiculously, gigglingly menacing…

  243. Go to Wal-Mart and write Surprise, you’re on peopleofwalmart.com/

  244. 252
    Underwater Attack Cat

    If Jesus rose on the third day…
    Wouldn’t that make him Zombie Jesus?
    Why is my savior trying to eat my brain?

    What happens in Vegas…
    …ends up on random bananas.

  245. Call (XXX)XXX-XXXX for a good time. I would totally put my psycho supervisor number on as many as possible.

  246. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……::deep breath:: BUWAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    Sue recently posted Once Upon A Long Time Ago.

  247. HAHA! I love it! And I even have to hit up the grocery store this evening….. hmmm……

  248. “Knock knock MOFO”

  249. 257
    Save A Gerbil

    How about….

    Parkay!

    3at MoR3 Candy

    Dole 4 Prez

    Scratch HERE X

  250. BITE ME

    (soooooooooooooooooo very obvious)

    sofaqueen recently posted My love/hate relationship with Carnival Cruise lines.

  251. 259
    Donna Conzett

    You FUCKING CRACK ME UP!!!!! You are consistently and surprisingly funny! You rock!

  252. I think you should buy a whole CASE of bananas and write on them “at least they aren’t towels either!”. Muahahahahahahaha!

  253. You really just make each day brighter… Not to mention, those who leave comments also leave me laughing so hard it hurts.

  254. Check your zipper.

    Wash your hands.

    Only you can prevent forest fires.

    Beware the Ides of March.

    New and Improved.

    Wait for the signal.

    Elvis was MY biggest fan!

  255. Things to write on bananas. As in…..I have to do this now.

    I want it back
    Don’t touch me
    Scream now
    I live
    Why?
    You lie
    Not here ..there
    Poison

  256. “Ouch”
    “I’m a-peel-ing”

    You make me laugh so hard. Don’t ever change.

  257. Literally had a conversation today that ended with “at least I’m doing it on bananas and not buying a MOFO chicken!”. You are right. Beyonce is a great teaching tool!

  258. congrats. you have single-handedly created an international army of banana-vandals. you’ll be more notorious than Banksy.

    also, you should take advantage of free advertising by having all your readers write “thebloggess.com” on all the bananas in the store. think of all the new page hits!

    btw, if i ever start a band, “the banana-vandals” would be a strong contender for a name.

  259. The zombies are behind you
    It’s not my fault
    Eat this & grow a tail
    Monkey mash
    Ask again later (and all the other magic 8 ball options)
    Ring ring ring
    Mr. Yuck
    867-5309

    Allison recently posted A New Adventure, in Which I Hope Not to Reveal my Verbal Vomit Super Power.

  260. How about, “that’s right baby, peel it off real slow…”

    Jennifer recently posted You MUST try Pinterest!.

  261. I buy the rice Krispies that you write notes on them and put things like
    “did you mow the lawn”
    “Take out the Trash, NOW”

    It helps keep The Boy focused on his chores.

    The Escrow Goddess recently posted Brown Dog.

  262. In honor of this post, a story that bears repeating, I just told the Rev. on 13 one of my deepest darkest secrets: once a psychic said I would be a cult leader, and I had the nerve to ask if its ok that we worship bananas. And now you, Ms. Bloggess (a cult leader in her own right) have provided the method for delivering my message. Banana Graffiti. I am off to all the local groceries to write spiritual messages for all brave enough to shed their the peel of sin.

    Your contribution will be noted at the Palmy Gates and I will be sure not to forget you when the last supper comes: Banana Cream Pie and kool aid for all!!!!

    LA Juice recently posted Insomnia? I was way off..

  263. how about something simple, like “take me to your leader.”

  264. …you could always write…. “The rash will go away….eventually”

  265. You always provide so many practical tips about living. I’m so glad I now have a way to freak out friends and strangers.

  266. 3 bananas.
    3 messages.

    I <3 you
    I need a good lay
    good and hard

  267. “Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart.”
    “Beware the Ninja Banana”
    “110 Calories. 3g Fiber. 450mg Potassium”
    “thebloggess.com”

  268. They’re Watching You
    You are going to DIE
    I have a message from the future
    If you can read this, don’t look so obvious!

  269. Um, considering the prior post to this is called “I will kill all of you” (or something. I meant to remember but then switched to this page to write it and this is what you get. If that’s not it – dude, YOU wrote it. I don’ t know why *I* have to tell you what is says. Are you half high again?), I feel like you can probably come up with plenty of things and/or just use all old blog titles (well, only those that will fit on a banana – some are long).

    PS – Dude, it tells me your last post title below – I will kill everybody. You do care about the little people (and by that I mean drunks and alz heimers patients)!

    PPS – I first mistyped it as “I will call of you.” That would also be weird on a banana, but not that threatenting.

    My Baby Sweetness recently posted Today's message brought to you by the letter g.

  270. Well crap. All the good names have been taking. I’m currently plotting how to sneak into the school cafeteria and write on all the lunch bananas or perhaps convince the lunch ladies that it is worth their time. I would love to have my students pick up bananas with smart-ass sayings. Nothing too offensive of course….

    @OutofGoldStars recently posted i fought the alarm clock...and the dogs won.

  271. “You’ve made a huge mistake.”

    teri recently posted Just another Friday night..

  272. Push a needle in and waggle it and you can slice a banana without peeling it and with no visible sign of tampering. Now you can write ‘Pre-Sliced’ or ‘I’m all cut up’ on the outside.
    The best time to write has to be just before your loved one packs their lunch box. It will freak them out when they know they packed a perfect banana and when they open the box it has writing on it >:-)

  273. This is PRICELESS! I can’t wait to go fuck with my kids…I mean, write them love notes. Ahem. I’m thinking something like “eat more apples” or “maybe next time I’ll peel YOUR skin BWAHAHAHAHAH!” I’m still working on the ominous messages.

    Lori Stefanac (Lola) recently posted Lola Logic – YES! IT’S BAAACCCKKK!!.

  274. OK so I’m too lazy to scroll through 273 messages to see if someone suggested this, but I think it would be cool to take a pic of the leprosy monkey holding a secret message banana. That would be ultimately creepy.

  275. Not sure if someone already thought of this but if not. I am SO going to start a business making banana stencils.

  276. “Don’t let the monkey with snout leprosy eat me please.”
    “Ch-ch-ch ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh”
    “Is that one of my relatives in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
    “Don’t you want me baby, don’t you want me oooooooohhhhhh”
    “Does anyone remember Bananas in Pajamas? Why can’t I have pajamas?”

  277. You are a genius.

    “This banana is not a toy”
    “Mind your own business”
    “Don’t ask.”
    “You will ive a long and prosperous life.”
    “Copyright, 2011.”

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted Who's on first?.

  278. You should write “This shit is…” like the Gwen Stefani song.

  279. Hide me
    I’m famous
    Infectious
    STD-free. Promise
    42
    Just who the hell are you?!
    Who dressed you this morning?
    Stop. Drop. Roll.
    Ride me
    Whoop whoop
    Take me to your leader
    You’re lucky I don’t have teeth

    I have several more but I need to get some damn work done today. And I have to carve shit in hubby’s bananas. Bwahahaha!

  280. That’s awesome. I was sort of expecting you to write something along the lines of “Copernicus was here”.

  281. Banana Phone! :)

  282. “Don’t take that one – I’m more a-peeling!”

    I predict a rush on bananas across North America this week.

    Kitten Thunder's Girl recently posted Sunday Snapshots: CFD Edition.

  283. Totally meant to direct my previous comment to @Renee (comment 29)…. oops.

  284. Definitely “Will you marry me??” Do it on enough bananas and you’re bound to fuck up some guy’s day when his girlfriend sees it.

  285. “you wanker!”
    “eeeeeek!!!!”
    “deepthroat”

    Satan recently posted laughing at my younger self.

  286. Vote *insert favorite candidates name*
    Insanely stupid quotes from political candidates (you know who!)

    Also thought sketch of Jesus. Can do Virgin Mary, too.

    Your favorite/famous movie quotes. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. I coulda been a contender! etc.

    http://www.filmsite.org/greatquotes.html

  287. rotten inside

    u r not nuts
    u r bananas

    Ericka recently posted seriously need scuba waterproof case or bag for iPad 2.

  288. Lay Off the Pipe
    Crack Kills
    Wait for it…
    Republic
    Hammock
    Chosen One
    Rapture
    Shhhh
    You’re IT!
    Rogue
    A-Wall
    We’re on a mission from God
    Didn’t you know? We choose you.

  289. “please- i have children.”

  290. WHOA-HOA! Can’t wait for tomorrow morning!!! Just wrote all over the bananas for my kids to find. (“Did you make your bed?”, “Don’t forget to brush your teeth!”) The voice of God (well mine) will forever be in their heads now. I should probably program a therapists number in my phone now though.

    Moxie-Dude recently posted The difference between boys and girls.

  291. I was thinking bananas may become the healthy alternatives of candy hearts.
    Which would lead to bananas with
    HUG ME
    ALL MINE
    BE MINE
    KISS ME

    So much freakier with bananas somehow than with candy hearts. I wonder why that is… I’m thinking it’s the psycho banana trail you’ve put us on!

  292. My mind is going a mile a minute… hope I can remember the ones that flew through…

    Not here the feds are watching
    Bad touch! Bad touch!
    Your hands are so smooth
    What’s your sign?
    Do you come here often?
    I’m tellin’ MOM
    The monkeys are after me.
    Got any whipped cream?
    You can’t handle the fruit!
    As you wiiiiiiiiiiiisssssshhhhhhhh
    I’m the key to the JFK conspiracy
    I was King Kong in my former life
    Shoes are my weakness
    Be all that you can Banana
    Your FIRED
    Witness Protection Program

    I totally have a manager’s retreat coming up in October I wonder if they can put bananas on the breakfast buffet for me… I would have so much fun with all of the hung over managers…. hehehehe I feel some evil coming on…

    Michelle recently posted The chickens are coming..

  293. I love knowing that there are 261 other people who are going to be carrying toothpicks to the grocery store and/or spending extra time in the produce section looking for banana notes!

    PS – @BananaNotes is available

    Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy recently posted Let the Countown Begin.

  294. The Bloggess wuz here…
    I’m watching you
    Taste the Rainbow

  295. ……this works on nectarines……I tried…… :)

  296. Hey! Hey apple!

  297. Would it be wrong to write, “I want a divorce” on the bananas at the store? I mean it might open up the lines of communication in some homes, or lead to homicides… well, either way somebody’s losing a house.

  298. 306
    Braindonkey

    Meat flavor
    Contains spiders
    1% banana
    12% filler
    Bread

  299. “Dance For Me”
    “You Are Here”
    “I Forgive You”
    “It Has Begun”
    “Go Ahead: Measure” (under this you would need to mark off inch-long segments, like a ruler — you know someone would use it)

  300. I may have to actually go grocery shopping for this.

    ‘i can see you’
    ‘say goodbye’
    ‘peel *this*’
    ‘meet me at 3′
    ‘dont move’

    … mind you, with how expensive bananas are here, they’re probably under video surveillance.

    the letter m recently posted Why women are like cats #1.

  301. Love it!! How about….
    ” FAILED” or
    ” Can you read this?” – Just to mess with unsuspecting shopper!!
    Thx Jenny

  302. OH MY HELL!!! I wish I’d known this when I was at the grocery (which I NEVER go there….unless it’s for wine) for bananas when I had to make that banana pudding. But, on the upside, since we’ve got some leftover bananas here…..I may just have to freak hubby out a bit. It will put some “pep” into our Tuesday.

    Gigi recently posted The Epitome of Lazy = Teenage Boy.

  303. This is epic!
    I don’t personally like bananas, but I DO like playing dirty tricks on people.
    Here’s some thoughts…
    “Open Here” (with an arrow pointing to the tip)
    “Let me out of here”
    “I’m tainted. Pick my friend to the left.”
    “I know what you did.”
    “The apples are against us”

    the single teacher recently posted Mis-Matching is a trend....

  304. “Peel Me”
    “SMOOTHIE!”
    “Don’t abuse me”
    “I want to be in you”
    “Your wife is trying to kill you”
    “Potassium it is in me”

    Dijea recently posted I'm so confused and I think I might be my own cousin..

  305. “Your cover has been blown.”

    “Abort mission.”

    “Deliver the Package at Noon, Or Else the Monkey Gets It!”

    violet recently posted Online Dating 101: Don’t Be Pathetic..

  306. SIDE ONE: “Orange you glad…”
    SIDE TWO: “BANANA. HAH! Fuck you.”

    T.C. Sprencel recently posted I’m Back on the B-Log.

  307. “You killed the wrong person.”

  308. “I see dead people” would be a creepy awesome one to use. LOL

  309. 317
    Beethoven's favorite fruit

    I’m waiting for news headline to feature a religious nut screaming about impending Judgment Day because he/she found Jesus on a banana.

    Of course, they wouldn’t know it was toothpicked on, yaknowwhatimean??

  310. 319
    johnboysmole

    I like the idea of adding a helpful hint: “If you have leg cramps, you should eat me.” Or going altogether lowbrow: “Buy me and turn me into poo.”

  311. This. Is. Fantastic.
    I am now inspired to write semi-threatening messages in the bananas of my co-worker.
    Could you just imagine?
    Oh I’m giddy with excitement at the possibilities!

    The Wannabe Housewife recently posted Kidnapping and Rodney Atkins: A Match Made in Hell.

  312. I’d write “knock knock motherfucker” and then leave it outside the bathroom door so my husband sees it when he wakes up in the morning.

  313. I’m pretty sure their is something wrong with you – Can’t Wait to try this on my husband in the morning!!!
    THANK YOU!!

    StuckAtHomeMom.com recently posted Rainbow Blocks – Free Friendship Bracelet Pattern.

  314. Oh Jen – thank you. My hubby just brought home bananas today.

    He should fear me….

    Gates recently posted …Aaaannnnnnd this is why I’m fat..

  315. Don’t take the blame for what Copurnicus did… We all know it was the monkey.

  316. How about, “Where’s my hammock?”

  317. On two bananas in a bunch:
    Be afraid
    Be very afraid

    Or how about just plain “split!”

  318. This isn’t your banana

  319. You’re appeeling!

    Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted I’m wearing a diaper, ’cause my kid won’t.

  320. Holy cow! I want to go buy bananas right now to freak out the hubs. You’re a genius, but you know that. :)

  321. 330
    Sandra (a.k.a. Sandrandan)

    “Squeal like a pig”

  322. Personally I think finding “How’s it goin, suger tits” on a banana would be splendid and brighten my whole day!

  323. Lesson learned:
    In my local grocery store (Ingles) in the busy after-work time frame, there are two produce guys working, and it’s difficult to scratch more than a few letters into an unsuspecting banana without looking suspicious.

    I went with “HELP!”

  324. Lesson learned:
    In my local grocery store (Ingles) in the busy after-work time frame, there are two produce guys working, and it’s difficult to scratch more than a few letters into an unsuspecting banana without looking suspicious.

    I went with “HELP!”

  325. I’d probably sketch a picture of Jesus then sell tickets to the pilgrims who would come.

    Claire Gillian recently posted #ROW80 Rd 3, Wk 4, rpt 2.

  326. “You primates are all alike”
    “I’d rather be hang gliding”
    “There is no Santa Claus”

  327. Demon babies, unite!

  328. Help! I’m a prisoner in a banana factory!
    (that’s from my nonagenarian father)

    the wifely person recently posted All About Perspective.

  329. ‘I’m normally a lot bigger’

    ‘WHAT? It’s cold in here.’

    ‘At least I bring my own protection.’

    kim at allconsuming recently posted New favourite.

  330. 339
    Procrastinateher

    I’m just going to write things on the bananas in the grocery store and not buy them, because they’re like $12 a kilo or something here still. Poo.

  331. Ooooh…I hope this hasn’t already been suggested!

    “It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!”

    Vanessa recently posted Epic.

  332. Okay the baby woke up because I was laughing so hard at this. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

  333. Wow, I laughed for like 5 minutes. Now I’m going to write all over the bananas I bought yesterday.

  334. Turn around slowly.
    Check the window.
    Hide.

    I also agree with Anon up there who suggested that you sketch Jesus’ face in one. Hell, that’d be on the NEWS. And we’d all know it was you.

    Rachael recently posted Horrible Medical Advice of the Week: Alcohol Kills Bacteria, Right?.

  335. “I hang to the left.”
    “I take an extra large Trojan.”
    “Please don’t put me in the dark place!!!”

  336. “better in bread”

    Simone recently posted Excerpt from my memoir, "House of Mirrors".

  337. For the decent artists out there… drawing a Jesus face….

  338. I have GOT to go to Wal-Mart and do this.

    Rebekah Mae recently posted No Title..

  339. What about something simple like “Go have some cake instead”?

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted twitter.

  340. How about:

    “For a good time, peel me”

    Brandina recently posted Projects I'm working on.....

  341. Still cackling, toothpicks & list of fav messages in hand, mini-van keys in the other…handsome husband totally baffled as I race out the door, but if I hurry, I can get to our local market before they close @ 10pm.

    Tomorrow, enormous coffee in hand, loitering in the produce section — can’t think of a more amusing way to spend my morning?

    Fortuitous Housewife recently posted Thank You, But....

  342. Knock Knock Motherfucker

    Sorry….that’s all I’ve got today.

    Amy Apple recently posted 8/1/11.

  343. I would write:
    “I’m a plantain. I was framed!”
    “The cheese stands alone.”
    “I want my two dollars!”

  344. not only did i laugh so hard i nearly wet my pants, i also read it to my hubby who thought i had lost my mind. wait til tomorrow when he’s forgotten all about it and he sees what i wrote on the bananas….

    phyllis recently posted Why Jewish Camp Rocks (Reason #4,325*).

  345. My husband used to manny for some friends of ours that were on-call nurses. Lots of late nights. Any way, they had this really old cat that was always puking up something. One night Chris got home and realized he had cat vomit on his shoe. He had stepped in it somewhere in their house. He called our friends and whispered “there’s cat vomit in your house” and then hung up. That is the warning I’d scratch into some unsuspecting shopper’ bananas.

    Cindy recently posted WORDS MATTER.

  346. ROCK ON! Thanks! I’m using this as a parenting aid to scare the shit out of my children. Ghost or God?

    CLEAN YOUR ROOM
    OBEY
    EAT YOUR DINNER

    A binary banana could be entertaining, too. http://www.convertbinary.com/

    mrtl recently posted If You Ask a Five-Year-Old for Directions.

  347. I saw one with cutesy writings from pinterest, but yours is sooooo much funnier.

    Sally recently posted Auto Review:Dodge Caliber.

  348. Keep this from your husband. He’s insecure enough

  349. 358
    Kitten In Heels

    * Really size doesn’t matter.

    * Buy giant metal chickens.

    * (Written really small) Nutrition Information for a Banana

    * Don’t forget!

  350. oh if only I could get close enough to a banana.. But at $14kg well just looking at them costs a fortune. I am banana deprived! So in my case writing “You can’t afford me” or “Try an orange, she’s cheap” sort of fits..

  351. Hey, nice pants.

  352. You want me to peel your skin and eat your insides?

    Too scary?

  353. If you really want to freak someone out with bananas, use a needle to poke holes along it, wiggling the needle back and forth each time you poke a hole. Do this along the entire length of the banana, and you’ve basically managed to “slice” the banana without opening it. Then when someone opens it, it’s already sliced, and they freak out. I usually just tell people “Oh, it’s the newest thing in fruit, didn’t you know? Already sliced banana. Genetically altered.”

  354. There is bound to be a news article by tomorrow afternoon talking about how relationships have failed, families were destroyed, and people were flocking to the nearest psychiatric “care facilities”.

    Corinne recently posted Quirks and random facts.

  355. How about ….
    “noooooooooooooo”
    or
    “eat more applez”
    :)

    Domestic Debbie recently posted Finding the Balance.

  356. I am bringing a toothpick with me next time I go to the store.
    Things I would write on bananas for strangers:

    1. Do you really want to eat me?
    2. Do you really want to make me cry?

    Theresa recently posted 31 days… {Leave the Nest Momma}.

  357. Is it sad that the first thing I thought of was to quietly inscribe a URL onto a banana bunch in the supermarket. Carve TheBloggess.com (or another URL) on the sly as you “examine” a few banana bunches, then buy one bunch (it’s only fair) and see if anyone comes to your site via banana marketing.

    TechyDad recently posted Voldemort vs. Papa Smurf.

  358. How about “One of us is going to kill you.”

    Or!

    <–That one is going to kill you.
    No, I'm not, he is!

    Or!

    He's right behind you!
    The caller is INSIDE THE HOUSE!

    (This is waaaaay too much fun.)

  359. Banana purchases are going to skyrocket. :)

    Corinne recently posted I went through a lot of Ivory soap as a kid..

  360. “Ceci n’est pas une banane”

  361. This is why I read you before bed. At the end of a really shitty day, I can plot against my family with a totally legal and biodegradable weapon. On my sister’s banana *switched at birth*.

    Karen Hawks recently posted You Wouldn't Like Me Angry.

  362. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! . . . how about a little simple
    outline of a figure that looks like the virgin Mary? I can not wait
    to do this!!!

  363. “you’re being watched”

    Janeen the suburbngypsy recently posted pretty little things.

  364. OMG! I’ve been trying to figure out how to get my daughter to try more fruit and things good for her. I wrote on our bananas “I hope Izzy tries me”, “Try me!”, “I’m tasty”, “I taste even better!”…… Fingers crossed :-)

  365. Watch out for trolls
    The zombies are coming
    He’s cheating
    Eat my shorts

    Tazer WP recently posted The uncontrollable burger urge.

  366. 377
    Ihadanidea

    Land Shark!

  367. Bananas have been talking to me for years. Only in actual voices. It never occurred to me that this might be unusual until today. Thanks a lot.

    "Susan Says..." recently posted Search Engine Sluts.

  368. LOL!! I use that a lot but not usually so literally. FUNNY

  369. Free.

  370. “Who you calling a banana?!”

    This reminds me of a “magic trick” I did as a kid: use a needle to go through the banana and make slices carefully without leaving any marks other than the needle holes. (I hope this makes sense). Sure to delight a kid! (Or Victor)

    subWOW recently posted A Reason as Good as Any.

  371. To #361 Teresa: I know have an earworm going on. Thanks a lot!

    subWOW recently posted A Reason as Good as Any.

  372. write: Yes, we have no bananas! ( But they clearly do! )

    Sue Webber recently posted Friday funny - Why raincoats are yellow!.

  373. “Radioactive”. Because bananas are indeed radioactive.

    Manapan recently posted RBOC.

  374. For External Use Only

  375. Apple the other white meat.
    Mine’s bigger.
    Brush your teeth first!
    Nice pear.
    I’d be smellin’ the melon.
    Why do I always have to get undressed fist?

  376. Ring ring… banana phone.
    Please. Peel me slowly.
    For Practice Only
    Not Intended for Human Consumption
    This End Up (no arrow)
    Orange You Glad?
    Split!
    Ummm… I was promised a hammock?

    KidLit recently posted This Item Sucks. Literally..

  377. My husband says that you should write on the bananas very descriptive diagram on how to insert them

    Untypically Jia recently posted Now I'm Worried That Eating Kidney Beans is Just Asking For Trouble.

  378. 390
    The Kitsune

    “I’ve been licked”

  379. Pssst….over here

  380. How about, “I want to be inside you.”

  381. That is awesome!
    I can’t think of anything good :) But some of the other commenters are killing me!

  382. LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU.

    THAT ISN’T COFFEE.

    NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP.

    AT NIGHT, THE SPIDERS COME.

    0100010001000101010000010101010001001000.

  383. Yay for the comments! Pretty much every idea I had has been said already (even Soylent Green reference). Have we had “Not a banana” yet?

  384. i would pay good money to spend a little time in your brain…. it works in mysterious ways

    angelica recently posted and on that note....

  385. Hahahhahaa I am totally trying that…when I can afford bananas again… $12 a kilo? Ick.
    No-one wants sweet love notes on bananas. Where’s the fun in that? I think I’ll spend the $12 just to see my husband’s face when he opens his lunchbox at work…wait, maybe I will write embarrassing love notes. His macho workmates’ reactions would surely be priceless.

    Kez recently posted Bear Grylls – Hot or Not?.

  386. I have never laughed to hard in my life! So funny. My husband couldn’t even understand what I was saying as I tried to read it out to him. I love Bananas, in fact I bought a whole bunch from the supermarket today, but thanks to YOU I will never look at them the same way again. Now, where are those toothpicks…

    Siobhan recently posted Toilet Training.

  387. “Be alert not alarmed” – Australia’s anti-terror slogan. I don’t think we’re very good at those but it might work better on a banana. They do say that the medium is the message.

    And while we’re on the subject of naughty-fun -times in the supermarket I was there today (unfortunately before I saw Jenny’s post or things might have gone very differently) and I had to ask the deli lady for a handful of shaved hot Hungarian salami. I apologized for the unintended dirtiness of the request but she just looked at me strangely.

  388. #350 Cindy ” There’s cat vomit at your house.” You cracked me up!

  389. “Eat me, pal .. and I’m send my ‘family’ after you, Capiche?”

    The Queer Next Door recently posted Thank You, Puerto Rico.

  390. Justice will be served…

    I’m A Banana!

    Angela@BeggingTheAnswer recently posted Mommy Ima.

  391. ‘Trapped in storeroom. Call police’

    ‘Beware the grapes’

    ‘Banana intentionally blank’

    ‘I’ve been in a bum’

    ‘Sponsered by Pepsi’

  392. You are crazy and funny. Oh, and awesome. victor is very lucky.
    How about these:

    Size matters.

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted Naked Girl Wraps Up with President Donald Trump and a Raisin-Loving Asshole.

  393. Peel & Win
    The Cake Is A Lie

  394. This idea is full of awesomeness!! *goes to look up “Immigration officials are watching” in the Spanish dictionary** Winn Dixie is going to be a lot less crowded on Saturdays….

  395. Showed this to my 16-year-old son last night. He cried, partly from the hilarity that is writing on bananas and partly because he has dysgraphia and CAN’T WRITE! Bet he could talk his sister into helping. Of course, my bipolar nephew is feeling paranoid lately. Messages on bananas would probably hospitalize him.

  396. How about:

    I want to be inside your muffins?

    Cat @ On the Brink of 30 recently posted Shut Up. Go to Sleep..

  397. “Put me in a smoothie and the dog gets it.”

    “I want to do your Cheerios.”

    “The call is coming from inside the banana.”

    Julie the Wife recently posted Get in the Van. I Have Candy. Part 3.

  398. It would be cool if you could do this on other fruit, and draw faces on them. Not cute ones, but ones of pain or fear. That way hopefully, the people don’t actually see the faces until they have already bitten into them….If someone does that please send pictures….I’ll do it and send pictures….hehehehehe I’m so excited!

    Bryn recently posted Ha I forgot to put a title, I am totally goign to forget our names.

  399. Muhahahahhaha!!!! i am so going to write on every banana i see!! i would totally be creeped out to see that on a banana i just bought!

    allison recently posted Moving!!.

  400. Thanks, Jenny. Was feeling a little low this morning and this post TOTALLY perked me up. You always come up with THE BEST shit to do. Thanks!

    Heather in Ottawa recently posted The Way Life Should Be.

  401. My 11yo daughter just said to me “wanna go hit Kroger later this afternoon?” rofl

  402. I know that from time to time (all the time) airport restaurants will sell $1-2 bananas. This would be a GREAT place to write a few scary messages.

    “Don’t get on the plane.”
    “Ever see Final Destination?”
    “I skipped the security line.”

    Jordan @ food, sweat, and beers recently posted Milltown & Great Divide Brewing’s Hercules Double IPA.

  403. How about….

    “She said orgasm, you idiot, NOT organic!”

  404. What I think would be hilarious is if I go into my grocery and see some bananas with writing on them. Then I’ll know I have someone else in my small town that reads you!!!!!

  405. too bad “Congrats, this banana came with a free ghost” is too long to fit on a banana.

  406. “4 8 15 16 23 42″

  407. Can you write “don’t be a dick” on a banana?

  408. “Stop playing with yourself, Kent!”

  409. Fear me. or Nice panties.

    Oh, I am so going to mess with my husband….

  410. Oh my goodness that is too funny! I am going to have to write messagtes on my bananas and see how the boys react. Thanks for the great idea. If you get a chance please come by my blog and take a peek at me and my boys: http://MomMart.blogspot.com. And thanks again for the great idea. I think I will be writing “I bite back” on mine!

  411. This is even funnier when you are allergic to bananas.

  412. This may be the only time in my life where I wish I lived with other people. I want to do this, but I am the kind of person who can’t write on bananas that I don’t own.

    thehaughtylibrarian recently posted Poop..

  413. “add to blender with ice and 1.5 oz rum….”

  414. Dear Bloggess,
    Could you please make your blog look like a really complex excel spread sheet, with equations and possibly some flowcharts. I’d really appreciate not having to start every meeting at work with my boss saying “Hey Lorraine, you reading that bloggess crap at work again?!?” Thanks, Lorraine

    Lorraine recently posted hi former self, it's me, real self.

  415. “I’m Alive”

  416. 428
    Feelmahballz

    “What are you looking at”?
    “Bananas are evil”
    “You know you want me”

  417. 429
    Underwater Attack Cat

    I am Keyser Söze.

  418. I like the passive-agressive nature of this medium… for those dolts who steal stuff out of your lunch, these messages could be effective

    “hands off you lunch stealing fucker” might be a bit wordy, but effective

    Kat The Museum Girl recently posted Caffeine Found Me a Husband.

  419. “Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring”

    “HELP!” (that’s for an appealing banana)

    “More aloe please” (that’s for a peeling banana)

    My kids don’t normally eat bananas, but maybe they won’t be able to resist them now! Must. Have.

  420. WOLVERINES!

    tokenblogger recently posted It’s not a tumor!.

  421. Abort Vladimir, we’ve been discovered…

  422. If you peel that back, I swear to God…

  423. Peanut-butter Jelly Time

  424. this is probably the most brilliant idea since sliced bread… and thanks for making me almost spit coffee all over my keyboard… yes, it’s a good thing.

    Jaime recently posted things I love Fridays.

  425. This is pure awesome. I wish I had somebody to do this to, sadly I’m the only one who likes bananas and I never let them ripen enough for the message to even show, I bet.

  426. TIP:

    This trick works even better if you do it directly on Victor’s forearm.*

    *heavy sedative required

    moooooog35 recently posted My Cosmonaut Facebook Friend-slash-Lover.

  427. “The end is nea-“

    If I were God... recently posted My brother is Robin Hood.

  428. One I will do at my Jewish mother in law’s house:

    Jesus loves you

    If I were God... recently posted My brother is Robin Hood.

  429. Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya

    Samantha recently posted Orchids.

  430. Hello. Long time reader, first time commenter. Huge fan.

    Banana-wise, I’d go with “I read your emails. See you in court.”

    Also, I was wondering if I could cheekily ask your very funny commenters to sponsor me. I think only British commenters can do so but I’m not sure. I’m doing a Midnight Walk for a children’s hospice which is very close to my heart. Please donate your KitKat money for the day :-)

    http://www.justgiving.com/Camilla-Whitehill

    Thanks everyone. Back to reading Bloggess archives now!
    Camilla

  431. “She’d still be alive if it weren’t for you”

    David recently posted I hate inconsiderate campers.

  432. YOU JUST WANT TO SEE ME NAKED.

    I can’t think of anything to write on a banana though.

    Mr Farty recently posted Thoughts of Mary Jane.

  433. I love this idea. I want to do it at my daughter’s daycare.

    Banana ideas:
    “She’s lying.”
    “You know you want to.”
    “You’re just like your father …”
    “Run.”
    “Ten minutes.”
    “01000100 01101001 01100101″
    “Chicken.”

    Craig recently posted They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab, But I Said: No. No. No..

  434. “Sure got a pretty mouth”

  435. I can’t wait to do this!

    Francesca DeCaire recently posted Wildflower Polkadot Mix – Practice, Practice, Practice..

  436. “I know where you live.”
    “Go to the corner pay phone to await further instructions.”
    “Your position has been compromised.”
    “I know what you did last summer.”

  437. 449
    Billy Corazon

    ?”Is the fear upon you?”

    “The incubus smells your whisperings!”

    “YOUR BLOOD IS FULL OF LIES!”

    ?”SOON I WILL BE INSIDE YOU!”

    ?”START HOARDING MOTH WINGS.”

    “THE HARVEST IS INEVITABLE.”

  438. Hey Jenny, I just found your blog thanks to a friend of mine who posted a couple of your posts on Facebook. Your page is amazing! I haven’t laughed this much – or this hard – in a long time! Thanks for sharing your unique and awesome perspective with the world. :)

    Peace,
    Brian

  439. I think you should write messages on the bananas at the store :)

  440. Draw a phone pad on one Ring Ring on another and “Badger Badger” on a third.

  441. Do exactly as I say.

    Have you seen my spider?
    Hi, I’m Steve.

    I need more time to read all the awesome comments and fantastic blogs!

    Jessica recently posted This is Why They Medicate Me.

  442. You are hilarious! First time to read you, thanks for the laugh.

  443. “Pre-cut Bananas”
    (If you take a needle, poke small holes all the way around, when they peel the banana it will be pre-sliced. )

  444. That shit is funny as hell. I think I may try this tonite and see if I can get a reaction out of my wife. =D

    Fred Horton recently posted Chief.

  445. We had some floods through our banana plantations here in Australia so banana’s have gone up from $4 a kilo to about $16

    So I’d either get arrested for writing on bananas – but if I could I’d write ‘at $16 a kilo we’d better takes things slowly – it could be a while before you can afford another!

    Love your blog – just found you and I howl with laughter – you have a wicked sense of humour.

  446. Why stop at words? Draw a subtle Jesus on the banana and then slide into the banana stand at your local wal-mart? Some hick religious nut will make the news and have a life altering experience at wal-mart all because of you. In fact. I’m doing that….tonight.

  447. Holy Crap! I can hardly wait to terrorize my 13 year old with this trick.

    Julie McGuire recently posted The Best Parental Advice….

  448. I am so writing freak out notes on our banana’s for my husband!! How awesome is that? I think I will, though, write nice ones for my kids. But my husband…he get’s the scary ones!

  449. How would you like it if I peeled you?

    Confirmed Spinster recently posted Shae, I Will Never Feed Your Daughter to a Giant Guinea Pig Again.

  450. Loved your idea and the many comments from people that obviously have great humor & creativity!

  451. LOL There are some true lovable nerds in this group!
    My favorite ones so far:

    “0100010001000101010000010101010001001000” = Death
    “Stop playing with yourself, Kent!”
    “01000100 01101001 01100101″ = Die
    “Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya”
    “The Cake Is A Lie!”

    Love it!!! You guys rock!!!

    Here’s 2 more. To be done on the same banana:
    Side one: “SPOOOOOOOON!”
    Side two: “There is no spoon.”

    KidLit recently posted Dear Diary, HELP?!?.

  452. “What are you waiting for…..soon I’ll be all squishy!”

  453. My cousin just ran out of the her parents bedroom crying about there being a monster under the bed. She’s old enouh to know better. She was just doing it for attention. Especially since it was at 5 in the afternoon. I took a banana and wrote ‘I was under the bed’ on it and left it on the counter. >:)

  454. I would take bunch of three and write:
    “the Smart one.”
    “the Pretty one.”
    “Dammit.”

  455. Haha! I know I’m bringing up the rear here on comments, but I could totally see the following phrases mysteriously appearing on a banana near you.

    I apologize in advance if by some chance someone else also suggests these. I in no way claim to be the most original, blah, blah, blah…

    “mello yello”
    “I said what?”
    “No, please, save him. Take me!”
    “Hello my name is Pat”
    “Have you *seen* the people in this place?”
    “Hello God, it’s me Margaret” (is it still copyright violation if you use it on a banana?)
    “Put me in your pocket horn dog”

    Ok, that’s all I got…

  456. 1) Thank you.

    2) My husband is convinced that the old man who used to live in our house, has since passed and is now haunting it.

    3) My husband went came home from the grocery tonight with a bunch of bananas.

    4) I leave at 5am tomorrow for a business trip.

    5) Yup.

  457. Ok I thought of a couple more…

    “These are not the bananas you’re looking for.”

    “Happy Happy Joy Joy”

    “Eat naked”

    “Does not grow on trees. Oh, wait”

  458. yes I had a psychic read my banana.

  459. This is so much better than telling ML to his face that I will stab him if he leaves strawberry tops all over the counters. I wonder if I can fit that on a banana? “Dear ML: I will fucking cut you if I find little strawberry tops all over every goddamn surface. xoxo, JJ”

    I can’t wait to do this. And he thinks my army of Full-sized Edwards in the dining room is creepy…

    Jenny Jerkface recently posted Rock Show, Punk Show... How About a Shitshow???.

  460. I actually did this last night – for my husband, waited all day for some sort of response… finally I could not stand it and when I “texted” him asking him how he liked his banana messages he said ” I thought someone else did it and I didn’t eat it.” Laughed OUTLOUD at that! So what if I was a the train!
    Messages:
    Because, that’s why
    Freak of Nature
    Not for Anal use.

  461. Write any random date in the near future, add either “It Begins,” “It Ends,” or “It Happens.”
    Example: “03/07/12 It Begins”
    What is “It?” Exactly!

  462. Are you my Mummy?
    WENDY (old joke, WelcomEtosanfranciscohaveaNiceDaY)
    Does this peel make my butt look big?
    Having a Boo Radley moment?

    Andi recently posted Bead Embroidered Hearts.

  463. “peanut butter jelly time!”

    Jenni Atnip recently posted Women of Faith....

  464. “I’m the only non-poisoned banana”

  465. 477
    Colleen K.

    “Peanut butter jelly time!”

  466. Hide me
    I’m spoiled
    Looks can be deceiving
    Dude looks like a lady
    Call me
    Message on reverse side

    Claire recently posted Don’t Forget!.

  467. Quick line drawing of a religious figure…They appear everywhere else, and they get lots of attention

  468. I really love the “Behind you.”

    Corinne recently posted Jury Duty.

  469. I like Sarah’s idea! Man, Jenny’s readers are super funny. Great ideas!

    Brenna recently posted Why make it if it's going to get unmade in 12 hours?.

  470. My vote for a banana message- or “bananagram” if you will!-goes to: “Just relax your throat”. Haha, because I like to be a little dirty. (To make it even better- or worse- everytime I tried to type “bananagram”, my iPhone changed it to “banana ram”. Now I’m a little scared that my phone is reading my mind.)

  471. Banana incredible hulk

    I am satan (with pentagram)

  472. “Hi, My name is Hannah. What’s yours?”

    (Hannah Banana)

  473. It has to be easy to write, though, no? Especially if you do it at the store…
    “I forgive you.”
    “You forgot something.”
    “Just eat the candy already.”

    prin recently posted On letting go of the things of your childhood... or not..

  474. My grocery store was out of bananas today. I blame you. Clearly the run on bananas that I predicted did indeed happen.

    Kitten Thunder's Girl recently posted Before You Meet Kitten Thunder at BlogHer….

  475. How about a bunch with

    “I’m genetically modified”
    “Please don’t skin me!”
    “Help!”

    Or something along those lines. I feel the GMO line has to be exploited here – plays into everyone’s fears of what genes are *really* being put into the bananas…

    Catherine McLean recently posted Eating Out: Little Deer Tracks.

  476. Bananas are currently $14/kg in Australia due to cyclone yasi and now possibly evil supermarkets profiteering off mankind’s co-dependent relationship with Bananas (cyclone was bloody months ago).

    “If you can afford me, you can afford a facelift”

    Nicole x

    Nicole @ myIdeaLife recently posted Go away Mummy.

  477. Someone’s probably said these ones and apologise as they are a little pornstar-ish, can’t help it though as bananas are the original condom demonstration fruit of choice.

    “don’t use your teeth”
    “sex toys were in aisle 2″

    Nicole x

    I know wrong – I’m sorry.
    Nicole x

    Nicole @ myIdeaLife recently posted Go away Mummy.

  478. 490
    Endless, Nameless

    You should make one of them say something along the lines of “That’s not a banana in my pocket.”

  479. Perhaps the bananas should say “Eat more Apples” ala Chik-FIl-A’s slogan, or something as simple as “help us”

  480. 492
    Underwater Attack Cat

    “What, what in the butt”
    “FML”
    “WTF, over?”

  481. “I’M IN YOUR HOUSE”
    Yea…
    I would want to see someone’s reaction to THAT. >.<

    Lexa recently posted I Need New Friends.

  482. 494
    Ron Hutzul

    Bad Monkey!

  483. I am going to the store today now. yeah just to write on fruit. You could use this as a business building tool. . . fun new advertising!

    Yellow recently posted Taser, not a gun, same rules apply!!.

  484. LOVE this post… and everyone’s suggestions for more banana writing. This would be such a good release of frustration in the grocery store!!!

    Rainyday recently posted Sandwich butterfly.

  485. @Teece – you’ll have to let us know how that all plays out!!!!

    Rainyday recently posted Sandwich butterfly.

  486. I guess I am a little late to the produce section but I think it would totally be awesome if you swapped out some bananas like these at your local grocery store and report back to us

    allpointswhole recently posted Confessions and Chronicles of an Injured, Narcissistic Self Loather (or just someone who likes really long titles).

  487. I’m just glad that few readers here are likely to write “Jesus Saves” on bananas.

  488. 500
    Christopher

    “Melts in your mouth, not your hand”
    :-)

  489. So I totally don’t know how to give you this link other than leaving it as a comment, so here it is: http://thepreggys.blogspot.com/

    I leave it only because I said I would post pictures of disturbed fruit, other than bananas in comment #406.

    ENJOY!

    Bryn recently posted Angry Fruit!.

  490. OMG. That is SO funny! I love it. My son is going to LOVE this!

  491. HA!!

    This sooo beats me standing in the produce aisle with a banana to my ear and saying “It’s for you” to random old men who walk by.

    bschooled recently posted Whoever said you can’t find love online obviously needs to lower their standards..

  492. “Ceci n’est pas une banane”

  493. 505
    Cheryl Christian

    Make good choices..I didn’t
    Monkey food
    Pick on some other fruit

  494. For a good time call… with a phone #.
    Apples are better.
    “FREE”

  495. Thanks a “bunch”, Jenny. My mom did this to me this morning and in my post-wakeup stupor, she scared the shizzicles out of me.

  496. Stop it! Stop being so damned funny when I am at work!

  497. we have bananas…i just need toothpicks

  498. Just wanted to let you know that I found you’re blog a while ago, and I loved it. And now you have inspired me to make my own blog so people can laugh at me and my life. As well as just having a place to vent. I mean plot. I mean…

    So anyway, if you happen to feel like it, you can visit me at http://www.WTFJHH.blogspot.com

    Or not. As you wish.

  499. I have worms!

    Eat the other guy.

    Can your GF eat me?

  500. “You forgot lube.”

    I may or may not have written that on several banana bunches this morning at the grocery store.

    Karen Sugarpants recently posted Pebbles in Your Underwear.

  501. “Fuck Gwen Stefani”

    Kate recently posted Coo-pon, Que-pon.

  502. love it! so doing this to my kids :)

    Lizzie recently posted 30 Days About Me (Day 2).

  503. How about something like;

    FDA rejected

    CDC Trial 1147

    Test Subject 12345

    Under Observation

    Zombie Disease Strain 13

    etc :)

    I’m sooo going to do random banana notes :) :)

  504. “I don’t hate you”

    would also be disturbing…

  505. 517
    angie @ wellblessherheart.wordpress.com

    I’m leaving for the store with a toothpick in hand. I’m still fine-tuning my message, but I think it’s going to allude to some sick goings-on between banana and produce guy.

  506. “I’m alive”
    “You’re thinking about sex”
    “HIV+”
    “Apple”

    I can see that I’ll need to prepare for a future where I’m banned from every grocery store in a six mile radius…

    kate recently posted making faces :: indispensables [the basics].

  507. My bf is currently stuck in the hospital after a motorcycle accident. He loves bananas. Next visit, I’m bringing a bunch that have been “love noted” and leaving them by his bed so he can wake up and wonder why the bananas are flirting with him.

  508. Banana Spiders Kill
    Don’t Slip On Me.

    MommyK8 recently posted A crappy picture of my delicious beverage..

  509. “They are coming”
    “Don’t take the shortcut home”

    Rayna recently posted The awkward life: pretending to be someone else.

  510. Using a needle and thread, you can also slice banana’s while still in their skin.

    can you imagine the message: ” I gonna CUT you!” and the banana is already sliced?

  511. For Strangers you could use:
    Why Me???
    This bunch sucks
    Karma
    I bite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Take a cold shower
    You’re Fired.

    I am going to go visit my parents and write on their bananas first thing tomorrow!

  512. Just found your blog today through Epbot, and goodness gravy have I spent the better part of two hours trying not to wet myself while laughing. Thanks for making my day.

  513. 525
    Lori in Canada

    one banana
    two banaa
    three banana
    four
    five banana
    six banana
    seven banana
    MORE

    anyone else remember the show ‘banana splits’ or was it Canadian only?

  514. 526
    Lori in Canada

    slippery when wet
    caution-peel is a slip/fall hazard

  515. I used to do this when I was younger, I would write “please, no! Don’t eat me!”
    Or you could write a little pick me up for yourself, like, “good morning beautiful”

  516. 528
    Lori in Canada

    oh and ‘Peel and Win’ is TOO funny !

  517. How about….

    “Rosebud”
    “Zuul”
    “Yo Adrian!”
    “Add digoxin”
    “because I said so”

  518. Don’t fall asleep.
    They’re coming for you.
    Don’t turn around or don’t look behind you.
    Hide.
    Get out!

  519. Things to write on bananas:

    Tonight… you.
    We hunger.
    The oranges did it.

  520. The Cake is a Lie

  521. Every time I walk by the bunch of banana’s in my kitchen I think of this post. Tonight I broke down and drew a pair of eye’s on one of them. My husband gets the kids breakfast so I can’t wait to see his reaction.

  522. Inspired. That’s the texting version of communication via vegetable matter. You can do a snail-mail version by scratching your message into a young pumpkin…nice venue for Halloween sentiments.

  523. Avada Kedavra
    I Know Where Jimmy Hoffa Is
    Plantains, the OTHER banana shaped fruit
    Bananaphone!
    Save a Banana- Kill Yanni
    We don’t need to stinking scurvy!
    Bi-Curious George Was Here
    Help I’m being held captive in Chinese Fortune Cookie Factory!
    Death Before Moon Pies
    Ludicrous Speed!
    These Aren’t the Bananas You are Looking For
    Is that a banana in your fruit bowl or are you just glad to see me?
    Hey, I heard Beyonce is into Bananas!

    Julie E recently posted It's true. Sometimes you just have to write about silly shit and metal chickens!.

  524. Also, I’m allergic to bananas and I live alone (except for the cats) so I think I’m going to have to content myself with carving words into burritos. Unless I can force feed the cats bananas.

    Confirmed Spinster recently posted Shae, I Will Never Feed Your Daughter to a Giant Guinea Pig Again.

  525. I’m bigger than your boyfriend’s ….

    Eden recently posted Microwave Fig Cake and How To Get More Readers and Followers.

  526. Oh. em. gee. I friggin LOVE you! New fan and posssibly stalker.

  527. Is the face on the stem of the banana that says “they know” intentional? Cause it’s really effin’ creepy.

  528. “You can’t handle the peel!”
    Who you gonna call?
    Shhh… they’re sleeping.
    Goood mooooring Veit-nana!”
    Quick call a Dr. … I don’t peel well.
    Plank this
    Peelerz!!!
    Peelings… nothing more than peelings.
    Fruit salad… yummy yummy.
    Bananas can’ talk.
    It’s just your imagination.
    To the left to the left
    Winner!!! I’m not empty
    I like your navel
    Hold me tender
    Alone at last… this is the end isn’t it?

  529. Jane say Tarzan like banana, what?

    hogsatemysister recently posted Trying to bulk up? Buy a used treadmill….

  530. On one side: Knock Knock.
    On the other side: Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

    Frankly, I’m in a bit of a mood, so I should probably stay far away from all bananas at this time.

    Mommy's Minions (@MommysMinions) recently posted 8/03 - Barrel is full of it.

  531. OMG, Jenny!!!!! I would not know even where to begin, I’m not a banana person, okay that sounds weird….but I’m not, however The Otherhalf is and for like EVER-I’m the one who always gets stuck buying bananas for him.
    All I can say is “revenge is a bitch”, I’m totally going to be freaking F-ing with him and maybe I’ll be kind enough and drop off a bunch to the Fire Department and write crazy shit about all the guys he works with too—-you’re amazing, it’s about 12:30 am, but there are a few 24 supermarkets around here, I’m leaving now!!

    Jenny recently posted Shit, you should NEVER see!!.

  532. Bananagate

    ;P~ This is going to be such fun!!!

  533. I think produce is totally an untapped business venture completely overlooked until now, and Jenny, you could make a shitload of money on this.

    Now instead of flowers, people will order fruit when they want to threaten and/or fuck with people.

    Seriously. Think of the possibilities. Flowers are such a wasteful thing to send. You send some fruit and not only are you saying you care, or you don’t care, you’re also giving someone food. Organic food, too, if you wanted to play it that way.

    And fruit sculpture. A pineapple that looks like Brittney Spears’ ass, a vodka-filled watermelon that looks like Justin Bieber’s pinkie finger.

    It’s endless, what you could do with this shit.

    wagthedad recently posted You Will Eat Your Lunch Naked.

  534. How about: “Size matters… Jealous?”

    Go forth and sabotage bananas! And/or the paranoid persons psyche…

    Jo and the Novelist recently posted Just be better. Way better. At EVERYTHING..

  535. “Follow the White Rabbit”

    Okay, and fingernails work. Nobody wants to say that, because it sounds unhygienic (okay, and you will probably give someone ebola by doing it) but there it is. Toothpicks are for people who plan things.

    kettletop recently posted Transformations II, hey it's better than the Transformers sequels.

  536. 548
    Underwater Attack Cat

    Since we’re on the topic of bananas…I have to tell you my banana/zombie dream I had a few years ago. First off, I should tell you that I’m military and at the time I was part of a pre-commissioning crew. We lived, worked, and trained (emphasis on the firefighting portion of training) onboard, of a new destroyer being built in the shipyards. One night I dreamt that the zombie apocalypse had occurred. Zombies were all over the shipyard and trying to come onboard the ship. Everyone was freaking out, trying to figure out what to do. Then, all of the sudden, an idea hits me!

    EVERYONE ELSE: “Oh SPIT man! What are we gonna do?!”
    ME: “You know how when you get a leg cramp and people tell you to eat a banana because your body needs potassium? Well…maybe that’s the reason why zombies moan and shuffle around. They don’t really need blood and brains; they need potassium and they just don’t know how to get it. So let’s feed them bananas!” (I know…you’re thinking “Sure, give the shambling zombies potassium so they’ll be able to run at you faster. But hey this is my dream; it doesn’t have to make SENSE.)

    People run down and grab all the boxes of bananas in the food storage area, drag them back topside and start chucking bananas at the zombies, and watching as the undead scrambled after the bananas on the ground and sat down to eat them. But pretty soon we ran out and the panic started again.

    EE: “Oh SPIT man! We’re out of bananas. What are we gonna do now?!”
    ME: “Uhhhh…PKP!* PKP has potassium in it lets hose them down with PKP!”

    So we grabbed all of the PKP bottles and started hosing down zombies and watched while the zombies rolled around in the powder. Then I woke up. I love my dreams, lol!

    *PKP (potassium bicarbonate) is a dry purple powder fire extinguisher used in fighting flammable liquid fires. Firefighting had been drilled into all of our brains, lol, quite well apparently and for a good reason…when you’re out on the ocean and something catches on fire, you can’t call 9-1-1…you’re on your own.

  537. Hilarious! I’m totally doing this to freak out my husband.

    Your blog makes me laugh every time I check in to see what you’ve been up to.

  538. Personally, I thought harry potter and put “Kill the Spare” on one banana and left it out for my fiancee. He was so amused he took a picture and put it on facebook.

  539. I just discovered your blog last week from the “Happiness Project” blog and I quickly sent a link to all of my friends and family because I think you are so freaken funny. I love your sense of humor! My eyes well up with every entry. Thanks…so happy to have found you.

  540. I lived in Russia for a while (having graduated with a degree in Russian) and one of my all-time favorite stories was from a friend who grew up, like all kids at that period, being forced to volunteer at a collective farm. He and his hooligan friends made a practice of lightly carving (similarly to your banana trick) obscenities into the rinds of tiny watermelons . By the time they were fully-grown, the words would be splayed across the otherwise perfectly good fruit. I’m sorry if any sweet, kind babushki were offended at the market, but it’s one of those things that kinda make one giggle.

  541. “I swear I’m bigger than this. It’s cold in here”

  542. put me in your pocket.

    Bee @ B*tchy Bee recently posted Survivng Your First Bikram Session.

  543. 555
    Juliette Sierra

    They don’t know we know they know.

  544. Although this sounds like lots of fun, and i’m giggling up a storm, if they catch you mutilating the food at the store, (and remember that there are video cameras everywhere) you WILL be prosecuted.

    “Eet Mor Aples”
    “Hu u pikken on?”
    “Peel me for a good time”

  545. holy shit! i am going to mess with my roommates immediately!

    cynthia recently posted the last 24 hours.

  546. 558
    Product Junkie

    “Beyonce was here”

    “Step away from the banana”

    “Eat Me!”

    “Rotten”

    “I brake for OJ!”

  547. I didn’t read all 566 comments, so maybe this has been said. But I’m going to HEB in a few and writing ‘Jesus loves you’ and ‘WWJD’ on a few bananas…maybe my inscriptions will become famous and appear on the 10 o’clock news!

  548. STOP: Hammer time

  549. 561
    The Awesome Becky

    I would write “Yes, you were adopted” and/or “Don’t go home”

  550. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. Might be too long, though!

  551. So, after some thought on this, I’ve decided to use this trick to my advantage when my son starts school.

    “Eat the crust”
    “Stop talking in class”
    “Be nice to your teacher”
    “Paste is not for eating”
    “You’re too good for her. She reads at a 2nd grade level.”
    “Do NOT call your teacher that.”
    “Stop wiping your boogers under your desk.”
    “Get your revenge during kickball.”

    Momma Teacher Lady recently posted Please Stop Saying . . ..

  552. 564
    Sexy Caramel

    Don’t eat this! for nieces and nephews
    Mommy loves you for my daughter
    Potassium schmassium.

  553. So I bought a bunch and wrote bossy sayings on them, like “clean your room,” and “tell mom you love her, with flowers.”
    Kids laughed and told me that was my handwriting, and to DREAM ON.
    Brats.

    Karen Sugarpants recently posted Pebbles in Your Underwear.

  554. 566
    Elizabeth W

    Too funny–I just peed a little! I can’t wait to try this.

  555. Just wanted to share that a couple of days ago I was visiting my parents…they had bananas…next to a container of toothpicks. So later my dad was saying, “Who has been messin’ with my banana?”
    lolololol

    Abby recently posted Me No Speaka de Engrish.

  556. Nothing is an accident.

    Once we were seven.

    I know your name. We’ve been looking for you.

    You’re going to need so much therapy.

    Don’t say a word. The pomegrantes are listening.

  557. Orange you glad I didn’t say banana.

  558. oh my god this is perfect.

    renee recently posted Photo.

  559. you have to write, Please no teeth!!!!

  560. this is brilliant.
    i like the idea of using the banana to convey otherwise life-changing comments to one’s significant other or close relative.
    “there’s someone else…”
    “you’re not the father…”
    “You were adopted…”

    all joking, of course :)

    and for someone at the grocery store, im thinking i would send them on a mad grocery scavenger hunt with something like this:
    “clue #2: find me in the freezer section, my brand rhymes with Hen & Larrys”
    and for

    Laura recently posted blogs on blogs: cheers and farewell, dublin.

  561. “If you are eating me, a monkey is going hungry.”

  562. Could this be combines with the needle-and-thread trick of slicing the banana while it’s still in the peel? Could Copernicus command it so? Would that be overkill, haunted monkey-wise?

    Anna recently posted Hello world!.

  563. i think this has taken up the majority of my day. writing random notes on bananas for my husband. YES, HONEY, WE NEED MORE TOWELS ALREADY.

    Susan Walker recently posted Julie Andrews, What Did I Ever Do to You?.

  564. 576
    Our Lady of Discord

    I did it tonight. Hit and run banana messaging. I went into my local grocery, picked up a bunch of nanners, hid behind the tomato display, and etched two messages on the same bunch. Then I said to my son (who was totally in on it and thought it was brilliant), Y’know, we already have bananas at home, so I’ll just put these back, replaced them, and went on my merry.

    I’ll be giggling and wetting myself with glee in bed tonight because of the audacity of my own wit. I’m already mapping out the groceries all over my new hometown for my next victims. And believe when I say I truly have nothing better to do.

  565. This banana will self destruct.
    Stop gossiping or you will be destroyed.
    Hey sexy, call me ###-###-####
    stop whining about breakfast or i will pull your feet at night (this one is for kids…)

  566. I just purchased a bunch of bananas and am going to write notes, except I’m the only one who eats them, so I’ll just be writing them to myself. I think instead of anything threatening, I’ll write stuff like, “Go get ‘em, tiger!” and “You’re the top banana!”

    But for other people, I would write, “Please stop hurting me.”

    Suniverse recently posted Raw Photos Finalists - PEOPLE are awesome.

  567. You inspired me to follow furious happiness. The night before I went to check in for a minor but uncomfortable surgery, I made this for my 73 year old Dad, who will soon be having robotic, micro surgery on one of his testicles. (Lady junk gets regular ol’ stitches at the neighborhood hospital, but dudes get beamed aboard the fucking enterprise)

    http://www.zazzle.com/get_well_granddaddy_card-137677828174573892

    Anna recently posted Hello world!.

  568. This is hilarious. I will never see a banana again without looking for words written on it.

    Cynthia

    http://coffeeonthepatio.com

    http://www.cynthiasblog.com

    http://www.theapptutor.com

    Cynthia recently posted This Month's Top Ten Tips From My Favorite Magazines.

  569. People don’t read bananas because they want sunshine blown up their asses. They read bananas because they are filled with The Fear, and they want validation. You did the right thing with this.

    Rev. Back It On Up 13 recently posted Photo.

  570. Some disassembly required

  571. What about this? lol

  572. I was tempted to write on the bananas at my work. But I work at a psych ER, and that would probably be a BAD idea. Unless I put therapeutic things on them, like “You’re OK, and this banana is good for you.” And that is just boring.

  573. 585
    suzanne gallagher

    i want to go to the shops and write ..i’m USED goods…

  574. “Hello there”
    “Banana Boat”
    “Peel me”
    “You may be a winner: details inside”

  575. I love your approach. I hope our children meet in group therapy later in life.

  576. The banana song with people’s names.

  577. OMG…that’s about all i can say! This is soooo funny…and I love that Victor calls you a dumb-ass! (not that I think he’s right or anything, it’s just so damn funny!)

    tina recently posted today.

  578. Heading to the supermarket now….not buying any for myself as they are way too dear with the shortage we have at the moment…..going to see if I can manage to write on a few for other people though

    Katrina recently posted 1001 Books Challenge.

  579. This site–This is the second time I’ve come here. I’d bet you are the type to put a rubber band around the sprayer at the kitchen sink and aim it at “oncoming traffic”. My dad is like that. Luckily he calmed down a bit. He short sheeted me on the night before my wedding. But to get him back i just slept all currled up and feigned innocence about it for years. Been married 24 years now.
    Good luck.

  580. Here are my submissions for banana art messages.
    I must not tell lies. (Harry Potter)
    There’s no place like home
    I want to be bread
    Fanna Fo Fanna

  581. And now I know why my banana told me to, “Watch my back.”

    Holly Ruggiero recently posted There’s been a void in the blogosphere….

  582. How about ripping off Chick-a-F(something’) Tag…….Eat More Monkeys!

  583. Time to make like me and split?
    Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring …

  584. just add chocolate

  585. 597
    Jennifer Becker

    All I can think of is banana guerrilla tactics at the grocery store. (which is funny because this is the kind of thing I was thinking at 4:30 this morning). The bananas could serve purpose as a political platform to educate (or scare the shit out of) other shoppers. Sure you’d be arrested, but maybe for a good cause. I was thinking it might be ok since I’ve never been arrested and once probably would be ok.

  586. go bananas

    I’m not a dildo

    Tell me you love me

    Do you know how fun it would be to freak people out like that? Especially in uber-conservative Switzerland? Except I’d probably get thrown in jail. You can’t even flip people off here, imagine what they’d do to a banana defacer.

  587. I run a bed and breakfast. I will let you know how this works out. Muahahahaahahahahaha.

  588. Run. For. Your. LIFE! This has The Bloggess written alllllll over it: http://www.geekologie.com/2011/08/run-for-your-life-5k-zombie-obstacle-cou.php. Dude, I’m so going. I just *know* I can outrun some stupid zombie ass!

    Jen recently posted Birth Month: Part Deux.

  589. I am definitely going to write inappropriate messages on bananas at grocery stores.

    Things like “How you doin?”, “Maybe you should reconsider that top”, “Its been awhile for me too”, “Don’t forget to swallow”

    Clearly my mind is in the gutter.

    Marta recently posted A Pool of Tears – The Poem.

  590. 602
    Cedarflame

    The Banana’s are becoming boring…I want to listen to something else. I pay good money to view this website…no wait..it’s free…I give up good brain cells to read this website…come on let’s big up my brain destruction.

  591. 603
    gregoriandachshunds

    I wrote “happy birthday” on one to my mom yesterday. Of course I had to sneak into their house and explain to my dad why I was mutilating their bananas with a toothpick when he walked in. I’m not sure he believed me.

  592. Well atleast i will know that it was someone from this website if i get a banana with writing on it lmao! Im from louisiana anyone else?

  593. Friend of mine did this trick on her husband. He reacted kind of like Victor. I though I would explode laughing so hard…

  594. Hi-larious. Totally going to freak my two boys out this weekend – thanks for the tip!

  595. OMG I laughed so hard i cried!!! The needle! (Elisa’s post)

  596. “Help I am trapped inside this banana.”

    Raphael recently posted The Morning Girl.

  597. Things to write on a stranger’s banana:
    Get thee to a nunnery
    Eat kiwis, not bananas
    Fruitopia
    Tofruitia
    Yellow is for sissies
    The monkey knows
    Swordfish
    Beware the elephant

  598. Hysterical. How about drawing the Virgin Mary?

  599. “Bigger than your boyfriend”

  600. “No chemical Peel required”
    “I’m no cucumber”

    This was just great! Can’t wait to buy some bananas, watch out family! lol

  601. So I wrote a message on my son’s banana. And it seriously scared him. Good times.

  602. I have not great ideas about what to write on a banana—and many creative ones were already listed here—so I just wanted to tell you how much I loved this post. So funny! It’s always nice to start the day with laughter—thank you!

    Book4MyDaughter recently posted Disappointment . . . A Lesson Learned.

  603. I just came back to your blog and realized I’ve written a message to creep out my parents yesterday and today I just took the banana without even looking at it.
    I don’t even know if it worked.
    But I made a delicious banana shake so there is that.

  604. Oh yeah! I’m so gonna freak out my husband!

  605. I am sooo doing this to my husband upon his returning from deployment. I can just see his face now and I can only imagine that he will try pulling this stuff on me too, lol

  606. My eight year old niece came up with “In loving memory… of a banana”. I love that kid. 14 year old niece suggested “It’s dark in here”.

  607. “For a good time call: 867-5309/Jenny”

  608. What does it say about you when you keep reading these to your family and they walk away>>>>>
    No fun or what!!

    Me ~~ I had to run to the bathroom laughed so hard

    Lady Bren recently posted Too many fingers in the pot?.

  609. one-two freddies coming for you
    three-four better lock your door

  610. i like to be bitten
    hold me

  611. I’ve had a lot of fun leaving messages on ‘nanners this week but the best was this – my 10 yr old daughter was going out of town for the weekend and she called to tell me “check the bananas!”. She left me a message “I miss you and love ya!”

  612. 624
    moonablaze

    DUCK! (on the other side) NOW!

    The angels have the phone box!

    Always bring a banana to a party.

    Bananas are good.

  613. 625
    EricAtRandom

    “Eat me. It’ll leave you with appeal.”

  614. sweet. baby. jesus.

    i think i am going on a rampage and writing ‘wolverines’ and ‘the bloggess was here’ on bananas all around beaumont.

    best. idea. evah!!!

    LocoYaya recently posted (30 years) plus (one day) = 10 958.266 days.

  615. I’ve already commented, but I had to come back and say that I just happened upon the banana pics and I laughed OUT FUCKING LOUD all over again. I mean it: best.post.ever. bawahahahaha!!

  616. I know what you did!!!

    hannamay recently posted Luxury Ski Chalet.

  617. Suggestions:

    “Banana fana fo fanna, mi my mo mana, Banana!”

    “Did you wash your hands?”

    “Princess Consuela Banana Hammock hearts Crap Bag”

    Cat recently posted Music Scene.

  618. Got sex a-peel?

  619. I did a very bad thing at Food Lion yesterday. And didn’t get caught. Tee hee. Thanks for the idea!

  620. 632
    Michelle F.

    Scratched “Help me. He’s crazy.” on one my BF’s bananas. He failed to notice this until one of the guys he works with says, “WTF is that on your banana dude?” then proceeded to pass it around the room for all the other guys to look at. He calls and says, “Uh babe…. did you write something on my banana today?” Naturally my response was, “That’s stupid. Why would I write something on your banana?” *snicker snicker*

  621. 633
    Lena Teegal

    “Please watch the teeth.”

  622. Genius! Trip to the supermarket in planning…

    Laura recently posted when the words breathe….

  623. We started a garden this year and planted zucchini, and in the grand tradition of that delightful vegetable we now have more than we know what to do with. So on one banana I put “Eat More Zucchini”. On the other three: “Hi”; “Orange You Glad”; and (for my sister) “My Hands Are Bananas”. Waiting to see the reaction from my family.

  624. -let’s be friends
    – Really?
    – Want to see me fly?
    -Did you hear that?
    -Ouch stop it!!
    – see you on the way out
    – you’ve got 5 minutes
    – WAIT!
    -pssst, pssst I know something.
    – Do i know you?

  625. “For Display Only”

    “Squeeze me…”

  626. “Money in envelope. Look both ways!”

  627. I read this earlier and my friend and I promptly went to the store with toothpicks. The produce section will never be the same.

  628. “Save a banana, eat an apple”

  629. 641
    cutebutnerdy

    “i WAS in his pocket”
    “just happy to see you”
    “spoo receptacle”
    “split or die”
    “step one: eat step two: place on floor step three: laugh at cliche”
    “I killed your grandma”

  630. 642
    cutebutnerdy

    oooh oooh!…

    “I’m coming for you”
    a teeeeheeeeheeee

  631. “Go ahead.” “Drink the Kool-Aid.”

  632. 644
    powerpuffgirll

    OMFGPMSL, i just spit my drink all over my laptop!!! and i have tears running down my face!!! i am DYING!!!!

  633. If you have any religious relatives put the Tetragrammaton on some bananas; so cash.

  634. This is hilarious, I have to try it on my husband sometime. And the kids are starting school soon… THIS IS AWESOME!! Seriously, I found your blog and I can’t read it at work, my coworker thinks I’m nuts giggling at the computer. Well he probably already thought I was nuts, but it doesn’t help. I should bring him a banana! hahahah

  635. “You callin’ me yellow?”

  636. Wonderful! It reminds me of when my husband still smoked, and I would surreptitiously write things on individual cigarettes with a sharpie, and then put them back in the pack. The only one I can remember off the top of my head is “I heart boy bands”.

  637. Wow. A whole new way to mess with my husband and kids. Priceless.

    Becky recently posted Real Food. It’s What’s for Dinner. Once a Year..

  638. “For rectal use only”

  639. Hilarious!! I’m totally doing this in the supermarket! However, I may get arrested as it would be like defacing currency right now ($16 per kilo after floods)..

    This is my first visit to your blog.. love your work!

    Ashley recently posted It doesn't matter what you look like, it's what's inside that counts.

  640. Damn the Man, Save the Empire!

    Recalled

  641. Hilarious! I like:
    “I’m watching”
    “New edible skin”
    “There back”
    “Yes, you’re seeing things”

    Millen recently posted You Might Be Dating A Narcissist If....

  642. I’m going to Whole Foods tonight to write on all the bananas just before they close so tomorrow when they open customers will see messages like, “don’t buy me,” “I’m not actually organic,” “people had to die to get you these bananas,”

    Peggy The Primal Parent recently posted If You Think Kids Can’t Make Big Diet Changes, Think Again!.

  643. fabulous stories the banana and the chicken i love it. I am on my way to the store to write notes

  644. Zombies! Run!
    Not a weapon
    Carry concealed
    I’m lonely
    I see you
    Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
    In your face
    R u ok w/ sloppy seconds?
    No sucking
    Peel before enjoying
    Choking hazard
    LOL! OMG! I h8 u.
    Snort me
    Not a pencil
    U need 2 shave
    Peace be with you
    Will it hurt?
    No, spare my friends! Take me!
    He peed on me
    Clean me. Use soap.
    Stop looking at me
    Batteries not included

  645. How about “Black and yellow, black and yellow?”

  646. This post may cause me to be escorted out of Harris Teeter for assaulting bananas, but it will soooo be worth it!

  647. I think scribbling William Shatner’s name all over bananas at the store would be perfect!

    Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted My List of Motherhood Tidbits and Advice: Completely Unsolicited and Totally Inappropriate…Enjoy With a Drink.

  648. “open here” and an arrow pointing to the bottom of the banana.
    “Eat Me” a la Lewis Carol’s Wonderland treats.
    “read a book”
    “Eat more fruits”
    “Does the food at McDonalds talk to you?” (maybe on a bunch of bananas)
    “Good For You Food”
    “Save a Banana” “Eat an Apple”
    “Eat him first”
    NOW. that all being said. I don’t think I would buy bananas that were talking to me. We have been trained to be suspicious of anything that may have been tampered with. BUMMER to. because that could be really cool.

  649. Holy crap – this is hilarious. Can’t wait to try it on my kids.

    Dayna

    Dayna Musto recently posted New Giveaway – Fergie Outspoken Intense Perfume.

  650. May contain nuts.

  651. Seriously. No matter how crappy my day is you make me laugh. Thank you!

    Tina Ihas recently posted BB2G July World Tour: I Am Enough.

  652. aha just found out who my wife cheats with.

  653. Redrum

  654. I do have a question for you.. What in the Hell are the bananas sitting on?? Is that a wooden table or burned flesh??.. .or are you… oh dear God… I have to do it……………. a “cereal” killer……………haha.

  655. This is freakin genius. When I read this last week I immediately starting plotting against my husband. The other day he comes in to the bedroom with two bananas that say, “Stay Calm, You’ll be contacted soon”. He says to me, “Look at this shit! What the hell does this mean??!” I tried to act like I had no idea but it only lasted about 5 minutes bc he was so freaked he was gunna throw all the bananas away so I felt bad and told him.

    Laura @Adventures In WIC recently posted I'm a (dedicated) slacker.

  656. Don’t slip
    yes, you’re bananas
    yes, you’re crazy
    Wow, thought you couldn’t read
    Literacy be good
    Peel your eyes for this one
    You’re unappealing

  657. I am TOTALLY doing this at the grocery store.

    OurGrowingGarden recently posted Y3W: Makes Me Nervous.

  658. For those old enough to remember, crap, at my age that is gettin’ more difficult, anyway this one.
    SMOKE ME
    Been THERE, Done THAT
    PSSSST your flys open, made you look.
    BANG !
    You’ve lost that luv’in feelin’
    This IS a BOMB…(for TSA)
    “JOE”

  659. i do that in stores hahaha!

  660. BTW…I’m in deep shit because of you…went to Home Goods to see if maybe they has a chicken…they didn’t, but I found a bunch of other stuff!
    I’m a stripper
    Run, the peelers r coming
    I’d peel 4 u

  661. 673
    Paula G From Indiana

    First day I wrote EAT ME FUCKER on my husband’s banana. I also wrote on the nectarine. The next day I wrote yes i am happy to see you on one side of it and EAT ME on the other. He finally told me he was afraid to eat the first banana because he thought somebody did that to it at the store. He noticed the nectarine and decided it was me and therefore safe to eat. BWHAHAHAHA

  662. Greatest idea ever!

  663. Such a super idea, both creepy and fun. This will add a whole new aspect to visits to my friends, preferably those with bananas. At least my present friends :P

  664. “Eat me” is a time proven (double-entendre) classic yes…

  665. I would write “knock Knock Mother F*cker”

  666. Why can’t my friends be more interesting LIKE YOU ARE?
    sigh

    notes to write on strangers’ bananas

    I’m watching you
    eat me/suck me/ kiss me/ lick me…. or else….
    You can’t run away
    Try harder
    think i’m a softie?
    suck it up
    i want you
    it’s just you and me
    no one will know

    ps: can we have beyonce updates? have you gotten her closer to victor’s study/office room? it’s priceless….

  667. Apples, the other white fruit.

  668. This is hilarious! Thanks for posting! I found this on someone’s FB wall and reposted on mine. Obviously, she must have been upset that I shared, so she defriended me. And the best part? She’s in her 70s! You would think someone that old would be more mature than that, but apparently this lady is still the jealous, self-absorbed wolf in sheep’s clothing that she was back in the 80s :)

  669. I am soooo going to do this when my daughter goes back to school! I’d probably write things like “Trust no one” and “Don’t turnaround just walk away”. Or “help me, I’m trapped”.

  670. 682
    Kate in Michigan

    “Only the bent ones are poison.”

  671. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

  672. My husband did this to a bunch of bananas I was going to use for banana pudding. They included touch me and see me and peel me (and one more, probably eat me). Hilarious from a banana. Creepy as a message from a stranger.

    Seanna Lea recently posted Mittens of Majesty.

  673. Your fly’s down.

  674. I think I’d take one as a snack to jury duty that says “Guilty”…then tell the judge there’s no reason to have a trial b/c I have bananas that see the future.

  675. So my hubby’s rather naive and fancies himself a “foodie.”. When I read about this trick I decided to write on his pristine bunch of five bananas — one message per day, per banana. Late at night, I started with “SPLIT.” The next day he didn’t touch his bananas and apparently didn’t notice the message. Tonight I’ve written “BREAD.” Tomorrow I’ll write “CREAM PIE.”. If he doesn’t get it by then I will keep it up but I’ll be on the lookout for a new chef! Why does he have to spoil all the fun??? Pudding, smoothie, Foster. I could go on and on ……

    LOVE your blog. Went to Home Goods today. Alas, no chickens.

  676. 688
    Hog Farmer Wife

    Holy Sow! I just peed my pants while reading this post!

  677. Say my name bitch!

  678. THIS. IS. GENIUS!! (and extremely hilarious!!!)

  679. 691
    Chris Andrews

    “Yes, that dress makes you look fat”!
    “Your brother is a better kisser””!

  680. Chiquita knows all……

    Chiquita knows all……

  681. I’m pretty sure “Eat Me” does the trick. In more than one way.

    Gretchen @ Honey, I Shrunk the Gretchen! recently posted Dill-icious, Dill-ectable, Dill-ightful.

  682. For a Portal/Liar Paradox combo reference, “The banana is a lie”

  683. Yes, yes. I just found you. I know, I’m late. Holy crap you just made me laugh hysterically for the second time today. I don’t have the patience to read through these comments to find hate mail…

    The BF loves bananas, I hate them (I can’t explain why or I’ll barf…no, it’s not sexual, SICKO!). I’m thinking some messages are in order. He’s been really kind to not eat them around me because I start to gag (this is partially self-preserving, as my gagging is not conducive to a pleasant snack…), but he occasionally leaves them on the kitchen counter which starts to get me queasy all by itself, ruining MY meal (I made a space for them to live in a cabinet I never use). I might be just as evil as you – in a good way – but I’m not that creative, so I’ll just piggyback on your creativity if you don’t mind…

  684. For him:
    “Baby is not yours”
    “Size doesnt matter”
    “Better in than out”
    “Wont make you homo”
    “Eat me to grow”

    For her:
    “He knows”
    “Size does matter”
    “Better in than out”
    “Not a tampon”
    “For practice”

  685. What an awesome thing to do.

    How about writing…
    Who’s that guy with the knife behind you?
    She DOES know
    You don’t want to know where I’ve been
    Quick, let me out!
    How would YOU like ME to peel YOU?
    I’d rather be an orange.
    I’m not coming out without a fight.

  686. I just wanted to thank you. I read your bana post and started laughing so hard that I started to cry. The people outside my shop started to stare at me weirdl. I waved them away and temporarily forgot about my migraine.

    Thank you.

  687. i think you should write things like “insert where? oh no” or “i hate gwen stefani”.

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  1. PostZoom August 25, 2011

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