And then all of my fingers fell off

February 21, 2012

in I am totally overrated,Let's Pretend This Never Happened,Random crap

A few weeks ago I announced that I was signing 5,000 bookplates to go out for free to people who preorder my book - and who don’t live outside of the US, and who don’t have a PO box, and who aren’t left-handed dentists. (I may have made up that last one.)

Yesterday I finally finished and then all of my fingers fell off. But it was hugely relieving to be done and I decided to celebrate the accomplishment with a photo, which then became a three-part-series.

1. Me, after signing the 5,000th bookplate and then playing Jenga with them.

2. Me, after Victor pointed out that I’d missed a big box of bookplates and had at least 1,000 more to sign.

3. Me, innocently plotting Victors’ painful demise right after he told me that he was just fucking with me.

There are still a couple hundred signed bookplates that haven’t been spoken for so if you preorder a book make sure you go over here and fill out your info before they’re all gone.

Also, if you’re Canadian, there’s at least one Canadian-based contest going on right now. I’ll keep you posted on other stuff as it comes around.

A very special thank you to everyone who has bought or is planning to buy, borrow or steal my book. I owe you a drink. And a huge shout out to Doctor Who and The Guild, who made this long, strange ordeal distractingly awesome.

And now I will never sign my name again. Instead I’m just drawing pictures of cat faces. Get ready for the book tour, y’all. There’s gonna be a lot of kitty faces and confused autograph-seekers. Or possibly just me sitting alone while the bookstore cashiers look at me with pity and/or disgust. That’s a possibility too.

{ 364 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Char James-Tanny February 21, 2012 at 1:31 pm: Any chance you’ll be in the Boston area on your book tour? (Please?)
2 Erin February 21, 2012 at 1:31 pm: He totally has it coming. Congrats on finishing!
3 Andreas Heinakroon February 21, 2012 at 1:31 pm: Aw, you poor thing! Let us know how the revenge on Victor go.
Andreas Heinakroon recently posted..Crowdsourcing a new pair of glasses
4 nikkiana February 21, 2012 at 1:31 pm: What you need to get is one of those rubber stamps with your signature on it. Never sign anything again! Just stamp!
nikkiana recently posted..Sound Saturday: Wounded Buffalo Theory, Poe & Time for Three
5 Jeremy Nicoll February 21, 2012 at 1:33 pm: It’ll be interesting to see how store clerks react when you sign your credit card receipts.
6 Marci February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: I totally misread the line about never signing your name again and thought you were going to sign by drawing pictures of cat feces. I wondered how cat feces is different than other feces…then my brain turned on…

Love you!
Marci
Marci recently posted..Beer 72: Leipziger Gose
7 Kitten Thunder's Girl February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: Congratulations!
On being done with the signing.
On finally telling us how kitty faces are pronounced.
Oh, and on that book thing, too, I guess.
Kitten Thunder’s Girl recently posted..IQ Points, Lost
8 Kathleen Trail February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: So what are you going to do with your fallen-off fingers? Stuff them and raffle them off?? Did you have to tape them on for the extra 1,000 bookplates??? So many questions.

With or without duct tape on them, I’m sure they’d fetch some major bucks on E-Bay.
9 Alyssa @NearNormalcy February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: If you never sign anything ever again…my bookplate will be SO VALUABLE. I could probably sell it on Pawn Stars for big money. Not that I would. But I totally could. So please stop signing things.
Alyssa @NearNormalcy recently posted..Tips for traveling with my kid.
10 Leanne Moffat February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: Good for you! Are you coming to Canada at all on the tour? I’ll take a cat picture on my book.
Leanne Moffat recently posted..The Travelling Red Dress
11 Dawn Nikithser February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: I am the lucky owner of an ARC of your book. I haven’t stopped smiling and nodding my head through the entire thing. THANK YOU for writing this, and for being you, and making everything a little more awesome. (My husband would like you to tell Victor that he understands, and if he’s ever in Texas, he’d like to buy Victor a drink or seven. I told him whatever, as long as he brings me back a metal chicken and a big cow skull.)
12 Gin February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: The rubber stamp is an EXCELLENT idea!! Congrats on finishing!!
Gin recently posted..I Feel Like Less Today
13 Carm February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: Yeah, right…like no one is gonna show up…PFFFTTT…YOU ARE THE SHIT! Also…I get one, so from one ex-PNN blogger to another… thanks for everything, Jennypoopers. If you have one left, you should sign it “Jennypoopers” for me. Kthanksloveyoubye. Love, CARM
Carm recently posted..Oh! Adeeeeelllleee…NOW I get it…
14 Kerry February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: I bought the Kindle Version… so I didnt think i Qualified??
Kerry recently posted..Mr Amazingisms… I had to have somewhere to capture this.. I loved it too much
15 Angie Uncovered February 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm: Love the dress!
Angie Uncovered recently posted..Writing Compelling Content
16 Ferris Mewler February 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm: Seriously, change the litter already! Fingerless woman hands can still form scoops!
17 2zen2 February 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm: Woot! Good job Jenny! BTW – can you go through the stack, find mine, and then sign it with the kitty face instead of your signature? I’d appreciate it. (just kidding)
18 wasnt_serious February 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm: I second Char James-Tanny’s comment! come to the boston area!oh and Congrats on having your fingers fall off, i’m sure everyone appreciates that. Don’t you all!
19 DragonTears February 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm: More likely you’ll be passing kitteh face autographs under the bathroom door of teh bookstores to hordes of adoring crazy fuckers
20 Cassandra Neace (@CassandraNeace) February 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm: You think you had it bad with 5,000 bookplates? John Green pre-signed all 150000 copies in the first print run of his novel, The Fault in Our Stars. And he vlogged some of it, including his signing psychosis: http://youtu.be/PlX3fGUbzv8

I don’t forsee the whole sitting alone in bookstore thing happening. You’ll pull big crowds! I know you will in Houston, anyway. PLEASE come to Houston!
21 Gutmeister February 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm: You’re a champ. I couldn’t sign 5 without taking a break for the day. Congrats once again on the book!
Gutmeister recently posted..RAW Regurgitation – The Road Less Traveled To Wrestlemania
22 Stefanie February 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm: Honestly, I’m going to wait for the tour and kitty faces. Signatures are overrated.
Stefanie recently posted..Presidental
23 Laura February 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm: I would like a bookplace with a catface instead of your signature. Could that happen?
24 Kara February 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm: Just bring Ferris Mewler with you to book signings. Most everyone would take a pawprint from him to help keep your hands in place.
Kara recently posted..Riley on Marketing and Food
25 S. February 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm: I totally read that as “cat feces.”

Because I love you, even though I ordered through Amazon on the very first day, I didn’t sign up for one.
26 Michelle Sneller February 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm: WOW! How is the RA holding up? I bet your hands hurt!

You need to buy a stamp… just saying

<3
27 Bonny February 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm: please please please come to Indy on your book tour. We’re not very stabby at all here now that the Super Bowl is over.
28 Lissie February 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm: I just pre-ordered and filled out the form for a bookplate. So exciting!
Lissie recently posted..Take-out
29 Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd February 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm: Too bad Hamlet couldn’t sign the bookplates for you in addition to handling all the marketing.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted..Five Minute Movies 2: Five Minute Movier
30 Meredith February 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm: If you come by Pittsburgh, I will feed you food and alcohol and let you hide in my bathroom (well, part of the time. We live in a one bedroom house, so we’ll need it occasionally. Then you can hide in the basement? It has a TV with cable and a computer with high-speed internet, so that’s probably more fun than the bathroom)
31 Jessica February 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm: I totally read that as “kitty feces” the first time.
32 Jaime February 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm: Canadians always get the short end of the stick…. Are you at least planning on bringing your book tour to Vancouver? Cuz I’m sure there are a lot of awesome people here who would like to meet you.
33 L-Diggitty February 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm: I adore that dress you’re wearing! Of course, it’s no red dress but I still want my own… it’s so nice and springtime-y!
L-Diggitty recently posted..B.I.G.M.A.C. (and also crop circles)
34 Sandy February 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm: Jenny, when you come within 500 miles of my home, I will bring my copy of the book and my pre-signed bookplate to see you. We can use it as a coaster for our margaritas while we each nachos and you draw cat pictures in people’s books. Good times.
35 Amanda February 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm: That’s a lovely dress! Also, that is a pretty intense pile of signed bookplates. It must be crazy and awesome to know that that many people love you in one country alone!
Amanda recently posted..and that’s how I knew I might be a masochist
36 Pish Posh February 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm: Make sure you come to the flatlands of the midwest please
Pish Posh recently posted..Involved Men: Women Need Appreciation
37 Jules February 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm: Please, please, PLEASE come to Raleigh, North Carolina in your travels! You will LOVE our southern hospitality, and, of course, your fans!

Way to go on the book plates. Waiting for payday to pre-order mine. Was going to do it via e-book, but I think I’d rather actually turn the pages of this one!
Jules recently posted..Shopping Adventures…or Not.
38 Michele February 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm: My daughter signs her name including a cat drawing (or two or three).

Canada is even allowing the cat-enhanced signature to be on her passport!
39 MIGurl February 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm: Plot well, and get him!
40 James February 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm: I read that as “Instead I’m just drawing pictures of cat feces”, which is a different thing altogether.
41 Sandi February 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm: Yeah, if we bought the Kindle addition can we still get a bookplate? I will totally put it on the back of my Kindle!

(I don’t think they were ever specific on that one but my thought is that if you plan on sticking it on your kindle you probably deserve a bookplate. ~ Jenny)
42 DanaMer February 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm: I first read that as “cat feces.” Cat faces are a much better choice.
43 Fiona February 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm: Would you consider sending one to Canada if provided with a self-addressed stamped envelope? To be thwarted by a border is mind-bogglingly frustrating…
44 shelley February 21, 2012 at 1:39 pm: Come to Orlando on your book tour and you can put a cat face on my book plate LOL
shelley recently posted..“They like me….they really, really like me…”
45 The Maven February 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm: Oh Victor, I do believe my cat is involved with plotting your demise.

I also want a book plate with a cat face, is that possible? **off to preorder**
The Maven recently posted..Looking for your tickets to MamaCon? Look no further!! {giveaway}
46 Kat February 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm: You could practise penmanship with your daughter and teach her the fine art of (forgery) cursive writing. Also please relay this message:
Victor, Canadians everywhere, or possibly just me, think you’re the funniest thing since Beyonce.
Kat recently posted..Kids and how they conspire against us. A lot.
47 Jaime February 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm: That looks like it was painful to accomplish! Go drink something awesomely strong!
Jaime recently posted..Talking about my hair again. What of it?
48 John February 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm: YAY! I’m so glad that I pre-ordered. And you losing your fingers for my bookplate = TOTALLY WORTH IT!
John recently posted..20%
49 Katie Bennett February 21, 2012 at 1:41 pm: Woot! Thanks for the reminder. Just pre-ordered the book on Amazon.
Katie Bennett recently posted..Want to make my day?
50 mj February 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm: I used to work in a bookstore, and whenever we had a book signing go bad, we would take turns taking off our name tags and pretending to be an interested customer so the author would have somebody to talk to. Booksellers are totally compassionate like that.
mj recently posted..‘Cause I’m a red-neck wo-man…
51 birdie February 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm: When I use the self-checkout at the grocery store, I draw pictures. Sometimes of what I’m buying, sometimes of the whether, occasionally obscene. Fine, usually obscene. I wonder, and actually hope, the grocery store has some electronic depository of all the penises and breasts I’ve drawn.
52 Bil Simser February 21, 2012 at 1:42 pm: I totally read this as “I’m just drawing pictures of cat feces” and thought was an odd thing to draw on books, but to each their own.
Bil Simser recently posted..Glamping 2009 – Day 6 – The Long Trip Home
53 Chelsie February 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm: Come to The Woodlands, Texas, pleaseplease! Or anywhere in the northern part of Houston. I’ll bring my Bloggess-loving posse to come accost you for your cat face autograph. I’ll even make you cookies, because you’re just that awesome.
54 sally February 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm: <3
come to jersey… http://www.booksandgreetings.com/ specifically :]
55 Lauren February 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm: Hey…We’re practically neighbors, you should DEFINITELY stop by little ole’ Monroe Louisiana.. We’ve got a GREAT books-a-million…..That’s not exactly in the Ghetto anymore….You might want to bring Martin Van Buren…Just sayin’. ANYHOW! Come to Monroe LA! Please? Pretty Please? I’ll make you a cake…Or, better yet, I’ll buy you a cake..my cakes aren’t very good…. and this is why I don’t leave comments on here.. Because I ramble… But, if you come I really will bring you cake…
56 The Hubby Diaries February 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm: Maybe it’s just me BUT… I bet a ton more people would pre-order the book if you announced that a random 10 people would receive not only a signed bookplate but ALSO one severely over-used, quite creative, although slightly bloody, finger. I mean heck, you’re obviously not gonna use them anymore, might as well put them to good use……………

(not sure how the postal service feels about mailing severed digits but I’d guess a few might get through without being caught.. which would make it even more rare)
The Hubby Diaries recently posted..It’s Too Early?
57 Emily February 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm: Can’t wait for my book (happily pre-ordered!) to come!

Hoping, hoping, hoping, that you’re going to make it out to sunny Northern CA for your book tour. I will love your kitty faces and I will provide homemade delicious baked goods, should your energy or spirits be sagging!
58 Jessica February 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm: I totally have that same dress. Super cute!
59 Jessica February 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm: And…this is where you realize you should have gotten a stamp
60 Celeste February 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm: Your book is totally going on my “things I want for graduation” list. That and the dress you are wearing in your pics. I LOVE it!
61 Stephanie H February 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm: Ooh, I like the idea of the Ferris Mewler paw print. Can we make that happen? I think my cat has a crush on him.

I pre-ordered the Kindle version…will you sign Kindles on your book tour? If not I need a plan…
Stephanie H recently posted..Meat-free living in the real world…
62 Jack@TheJackB February 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm: You need a Juanita stamp that you can use for signing the sequel.
Jack@TheJackB recently posted..How To Write a Post That People Will Read
63 prin February 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm: Ugh! The number of Canadian entries has doubled since yesterday! *shakes fist*

prin recently posted..Gong show…
64 Joy Ribisi February 21, 2012 at 1:46 pm: Well worth the effort, I’m sure! You’ll have at least 5,000 really chuffed fans and probably another 8,000 feeling like worthless lame asses for being too late ordering the book (like me).
Love the photos!
Joy Ribisi recently posted..Recipe Scrapbook
65 Karen February 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm: oh gawd. my visual tourettes kicked in and I read “cat feces” and I thought, okay…that’s our Bloggess…she likes the odd. I was very happy when I re-read it though and realised it said “cat FACES.” so much more pleasant than drawings of cat feces.
Karen recently posted..Things (people, places) I love in 400 words…
66 Pedes February 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm: I understand this is your plot to make even people who already got the autograph to come back for the cat faces.
67 Rebeccah February 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm: Just thinking about signing my name that many times makes my stomach hurt. I can’t even address baby shower invitations because I hate it so bad. Good job on getting finished and please consider Charleston for your book tour – old, haunted, weird and beautiful…you’d love it!
68 hogsatemysister February 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm: No fingers? No worries. I’ve made it all this time with just five.

And besides, you have all those mouse and wolf and ferret fingers.

All perfect for typing and shredding evil doers.

Or just the pot roast.

Note: while your hand is curled in an autographed-caused maw, slide a wine glass in there and do tax deductible liquid therapy.
hogsatemysister recently posted..‘Momories’ Straight from the Heart
69 Deborah Lipp February 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm: I think a kitty face is BETTER.
Deborah Lipp recently posted..The Walking Dead—Episode 2.09: “Triggerfinger”
70 handheadman February 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm: I see I’m not the only one who read the last paragraph like this:

“And now I will never sign my name again. Instead I’m just drawing pictures of cat feces. Get ready for the book tour, y’all. There’s gonna be a lot of kitty feces and confused autograph-seekers. Or possibly just me sitting alone while the bookstore cashiers look at me with pity and/or disgust. That’s a possibility too. ”

It really does wok so much better with feces instead of faces.
71 Karen Sanders February 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm: My home is available still for a book signing. I’m working up several nachos recipes. Also, my work is affiliated with Wake Forest University. It’s a college and a medical school. Opportunities for research, book signings and taxidermy?
Karen Sanders recently posted..Choose wisely, or things suck, or they don’t when you want them to
72 Becky Rice February 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm: Victor has to carry all the bookplates while you’re on tour, right? Crossing fingers DC is on the tour, since I’m pretty sure my “suburb” of Frederick, MD isn’t.
Becky Rice recently posted..It’s the Principal of the Thing
73 Raee February 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm: Yes please. Keep torturing the poor non-US citicens who pre-ordered your book with all the bookmarks that are not spoken for yet. Like it doesn’t suck enough to be stuck in Germany …

On a random note: I’m soooo looking forward to that book. Can hardly wait
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74 Teresa February 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm: Is there any way you are coming to Canada for any book signings? Calgary is nearish to me, and you know how you’ve always wanted to meet me. Alberta is like Texas, except colder.
Teresa recently posted..Fat Charlie
75 ChaoticDNA February 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm: Victor totally has it coming for that.

Are there photos in the book? I’m just wondering if we miss anything by getting the audio book?
76 Lost.in.Idaho February 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm: Kudos to you for hand-signing every one, when so many other writers just rubber-stamp that shit!

Oh wait, I think you mentioned using the rubber stamp in the future…

…um, er…. nevermind… <3
Lost.in.Idaho recently posted..Pinterest – The Devolving of Social Media
77 Sweety Darlin February 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm: I wanna know where you book tour will be going. Probably no where near the toothless inbred society I live in, but I can dream of politely stalking you in a Dalek Dress from afar!
Sweety Darlin recently posted..Fun Facts and Stupid Chains!
78 Gurukarm (@karma_musings) February 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm: BOSTON.BOSTON.BOSTON – would be WICKED AWESOME!!

(I went to the form to sign up for a bookplate for my Kindle after reading your response to comment #41, because of COURSE I’d stick it on my Kindle! and discovered I preordered way back in November – aren’t I cool?? )
79 Phoenix Rising February 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm: I never realized how relieved I am that I’m not a left handed dentist. Is it April yet??
Phoenix Rising recently posted..There is no Newsflash if I’ve already flashed you the news.
80 Lisa S. February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm: Already have my signed bookplate spoken for, but if you do any signings in L.A., rest assured I will be there waiting expectantly for my kitty face, too.

That sounds weird.
81 Tom Stronach February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm: Plenty of bookshops in London and you could come after the Olympics, it’l be quieter!
Tom Stronach recently posted..Letter Mr David Cameron Prime Minister
82 Alex February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm: Congrats on all the signing!!

It seems like there should be no question about, since you’re so close, but please, please, please, make sure you come to Houston as part of the book tour.

Awesome, thanks.
83 Ms. Plaid Dressy Pants February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm: Awwww….. so he DOES have a sense of humor!!!
Ms. Plaid Dressy Pants recently posted..No Good Deed!
84 shannon February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm: as one of the people who pre-ordered your book i thank you for your sacrifice….i suppose if your fingers cannot be reattached you can have Victor’s Robocelots build other robots like those creepy triplets in those weird ass Kayak commercials…
85 Susan February 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm: Jenga! Jenga!

Wonder what “reasons” you are going to need to make up to watch more Dr Who.

Congrats on the ridiculous amount of work you just did so we can have your signature. On a book that we (happily) paid for. Then it’s our book, right? So we should sign it. Did you leave room for us?
Susan recently posted..And let your Klout be your guide
86 Jennifer February 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm: Is a PO box the same as a CMR Box? My husband is military and we live overseas. HA! Look at that, two no no’s in one question, NOT in the US… AND in a box. However……. I promise I am NOT a complete moron. The address is considered a US mailbox, and its not an actual PO box that we pay for, its US government assigned. So I feel safe in asking this question as I have pre-ordered a book the same day that I found your blog, and would love your signature pre-kitty-face. (though if you come to Germany I’ll stand in line for a kitty face as well) Thanks!
87 MissusMoose February 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm: Come to Knoxville, TN – Cuz I would totally be happy with a Kitty Face Autograph!!!!!!!
88 Ally February 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm: Probably not very likely… But I don’t suppose your book tour will take you to London? UK that is…
If it does, there’s always a space under our desk/in our bathroom for you to crawl under/hide in.
Book pre ordered. Wonder when we’ll get it over here.
Ally recently posted..I am in love
89 BeccaV February 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm: That rocks, well, not the part about your fingers falling off, make sure you hide them so the zombies don’t find them. The part that rocks it that you are done and I totally can’t wait for the book and my bookplate! And stop by Knoxville, TN on your book tour, no one ever stops here on book tours(really, people in Tennessee can read, I promise), you could be the first, wouldn’t that be awesome!
90 Jenn February 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm: Please come to Philly, PA! Despite being the setting for many great historical events, I’m pretty sure nothing as awesome as a Jenny Lawson booksigning has ever happened here.
91 Deanna February 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm: when i saw the small post of this, I thought the pics of you were fake fingernails with catholic saints on them.
92 braindonkey February 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm: i just lol’d at reading level: 13th grade on itunes.
braindonkey recently posted..Ashley says. My favorite word is daddy.
93 Allyn February 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm: I’d expect the 2nd look to be much more murderous.
Love the dress!
Allyn recently posted..One Year Ago Today
94 Devina February 21, 2012 at 1:55 pm: Congratulations! I can’t wait to read it!
95 Erin @ Brownie Bites February 21, 2012 at 1:58 pm: OH my goodness – I don’t think I could sign my name that many times.. or write ANYTHING that many times. I love the expression on your face in photo #3.. I think Victor should run far far away
Erin @ Brownie Bites recently posted..Driving the Pacific Coast Highway
96 Amy February 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm: Ahhhhahahaha, I preordered. Now you MUST sign again. although, I don’t knnow how you’d do it without your fingers. Maybe your toes?

Can i have toe prints instead?
97 KellyBundysEvilTwin February 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm: <——————— originally planned to steal the book until you offered bookplates. Then I immediately went to amazon.com and purchased your book and one on Near Death Experiences (figured they probably went together)
98 WebSavvyMom February 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm: –> I get a hand cramp addressing 50 Christmas cards which is why this year I exported them to a spreadsheet and printed them on labels.
WebSavvyMom recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Just Dance
99 Angela February 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm: Sacramento is lovely this time of year.
Angela recently posted..This is not a cat blog
100 Carl Strauser February 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm: If (when) you come to the Minneapolis area (probably cuz you took a wrong turn at Albuquerque – Bugs Bunny reference, ya’ll), I will be in line to see you and adore you and get you to sign kitteh faces on things. Maybe even your book. If I must I will camp out in front of the book signing place, me, my Diet Pepsi and Cap’n Morgan.
101 Tami February 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm: Hope you are coming to Philly or NYC!!! You are definitely worth a trip to Penn Station, and the $30 train ticket, and all of the antibacterial hand soap I will use walking through Penn Station.
102 Banana Stickers February 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm: I just ordered your book the other day… I’m so excited I COULD PEE. And I don’t mean out of necessisty. I’m talking out of EXCITEMENT. Like a puppy. But far more unacceptable.
Banana Stickers recently posted..My boyfriend totally destroyed this blog post
103 Evil Daughter February 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm: I preordered the Kindle edition but have just asked for a bookplate anyway. I’ll paste it inside my Kindle Cover!
104 CeeCee February 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm: You know, one of these books is going to show on Antiques Roadshow a hundred years from now and be worth a boatload of money because you signed it by hand.
I think you should go out and buy some new towels to punish Victor for being mean. You need them anyway cuz guests will be holding a concert in your bathroom. Two birds with one stone!
CeeCee recently posted..Thundershirt Update
105 Dana February 21, 2012 at 2:03 pm: Ok, you’re going to do a local book signing, right?!?!?
Dana recently posted..4 1/2 Ryanns Down…. Go Big Or Go Home….
106 Mary February 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm: I hope you come to Portland Maine. Or at least Boston. Will you really be signing books or do we get to bring the book along with little airplane bottles of vodka into the ladies room to hang with you a while? Please say it is the second option!
107 wendy February 21, 2012 at 2:04 pm: If you come as close as Seattle, I will cross the border and then stealthily kidnap you, stuff you in my suitcase and bring you to Canada. Not in a weird stalkerish way but in an I-love-you-and-want-to-keep-you-way.
wendy recently posted..Yup – 2 More!!
108 Amanda February 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm: I just submitted my bookplate request. I pre-ordered the e-book, so now I’m thinking that I need to stick it to the device itself.

Can’t wait!
109 Vivian February 21, 2012 at 2:06 pm: Victor was taking advantage of your weakness, he knew that you did not have fingers to fight back.
Vivian recently posted..I cant cook dinner because ….
110 Kristin February 21, 2012 at 2:06 pm: Come to Albuquerque! I’d sit with you in case no one else shows. And maybe make a margarita run. Although the idea of no one showing is an impossibility since I would have to bring at least 3 of my closest girlfriends. Or my husband, by an ear.
111 Jenn February 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm: If you come to the Detroit Metro area I’ll come sit with you so you wont be all alone! Well at least till my toddler waddles off and starts eating the self help books. Then I’ll hide under the table and pretend I don’t know him.
Jenn recently posted..It’s been seven years.
112 Char Vanderweel February 21, 2012 at 2:07 pm: As a reader who preordered your book, I graciously thank you for your time and effort. The signed bookplate is going to make the reading experience even more awesome.
PS — Hope your fingers grow back.
113 Mayor Gia February 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm: Holy impressive! My carpal tunnel would have destroyed me if I did that.
Mayor Gia recently posted..Dear Boyfriend, Sorry ‘Bout the Crazy.
114 chris February 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm: EUROPE wants bookplates tooooo.
115 Ezz February 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm: PLEASE do an international tour and come to Australia. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!
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116 Kris February 21, 2012 at 2:10 pm: You’re one of the only women I know who can wear strapless & look damn good while doing it. Bitch.

And please come to Wisconsin. Please. I’ll take you on a super secret mission to the flea market/crazy statue place known as M Schettl Sales. They take teh crazy to a whole ‘nother level.
Kris recently posted..What am I doing???
117 Jenna February 21, 2012 at 2:11 pm: I’m not saying this to be weird or anything, but you’re really pretty! I was reading the Red Dress entry yesterday and we all fight our demons, but I just wanted to tell you you’re beautiful.
118 Rob R February 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm: I would buy a book but I have a severe condition where my head literally explodes if I read more than 500 words at a time. That is why I’m now doing political cartoons on my blog and taking doors off cars even though I don’t know how.
Rob R recently posted..I Fixed a Car with My Own Bare Hands: The Incredible Story
119 Rachel February 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm: Cute dress. Does this mean if I moved to Texas, I’d be able to wear my cute dresses year round? I mean, I suppose I could wear them year round here, but I’d probably die of hypothermia. And I don’t even want to think about what my parents would write in my obit if that happened. So yeah, Texas … don’t you have giant spiders there? And rattlers. Of course, we have wolf spiders. And cottonmouths, so it’s not like I’m completely unused to such things. But it’s really only a concern if I venture out into nature … which I make it a point not to do.
Rachel recently posted..If a winged, diaper-wearing dwarf shoots an arrow at me, I’m pressing charges.
120 Suniverse February 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm: You should just put on a ton of red lipstick and kiss the book’s endpages instead of signing them. Or just use the lipstick itself to make your mark. But not gloss, because that shit is too goopy.
Suniverse recently posted..In Case You Were Wondering . . .
121 Lynette February 21, 2012 at 2:16 pm: I seriously hope that you make a trip to Seattle on your book tour. My husband and I will definitely be there. BTW…I’ve never seen Dr Who (sacriliege, I know) but I got the biggest smile just now when you referenced The Guild. My hubby and I are huge Guild-ees. If I didn’t already love you, that would have made me devoted for life.
122 moooooog35 February 21, 2012 at 2:18 pm: I want to buy your book but the fact that you have to have a book PLATE with it means it requires some sort of feeding and I’m not sure what books eat so I’d probably have to read up on it and now this just sounds like way too much work and responsibility for a guy who has already burned through 3 hamsters.
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123 plaidfox February 21, 2012 at 2:20 pm: I think the bookplates could be constructed into a wonderful fort for Hamlet von Schnitzel. So he can, you know, lament about shit and talk to his father’s ghost. Or something…

The End
124 Starla February 21, 2012 at 2:22 pm: If you come to Wichita, KS I’ll be in line even if I’m the only one standing there while everyone stares at me lik who the fuck does she think she is waiting on! Why? Because I love you and you make my days brighter!
125 Laurie F. February 21, 2012 at 2:22 pm: “Please come to Boston in the spring time….” Oh wait, that’s a song. Never mind. You must be coming to NY. Maybe I’ll see you then. Should I bring an extra xanax for you? or for me for the crowds? Maybe both. love, Laurie F.
Laurie F. recently posted..5 Foods I’d Hate to Live Without
126 Mrs. P February 21, 2012 at 2:23 pm: I’ll be patiently waiting for mine outside of my Polish PO Box while holding a fluoride treatment in my left hand.
I kid. Never hold a fluoride treatment in your left hand, especially in Poland. I learned that in beauty school.
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127 Jen Brooks February 21, 2012 at 2:25 pm: HEY, if you end up in the Washington DC/Northern Virginia area, PLEASE come sign at my used book store! Hrrrmmm…that does sound odd, to sign a new book in a used book store…But authors have done it before.
Oh, and I can’t wait to see my bookplate. I hope it is one of the ones towards the end, where it’s getting really scrawl-y and illegible and *maybe* even a drop or two of blood on it. Then I would really have something to brag about to my friends!
128 Jara February 21, 2012 at 2:25 pm: Thanks for the reminder! I had forgotten to pre-order your book! Just did it!
129 Ga February 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm: I imagine your book signing will have lines around the corner and not one person is going to want to leave for fear of missing something great and hilarious you will say or do or bring. Sadly, I will have to wait until it is printed in paperback as I am very limited with my income. But hey if I win the lottery lol I will purchase many and give out as gifts. You are truely an awesome person. Thank you and your friends here for the many, many laughs given.
130 Sephani Paige February 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm: as one of those people who pre-ordered and signed up for a book plate – thank you thank you thank you! Free hand massages are always on the table for you
Sephani Paige recently posted..I Really Fucked It Up This Time
131 Kaitlyn February 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm: What about Canadians living abroad? Living abroad and being a broad. By the way, you should write an entry about the lack of using terms like ‘broad’ and ‘dame’ for women these days. Partly because it would be an insightful entry and partly because it would amuse me greatly.
Kaitlyn recently posted..Being Genuine
132 WilyGuy February 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm: I’m pre-ordering… the link takes us to the book info post. Is that the right place?
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133 Major Bedhead February 21, 2012 at 2:31 pm: I do hope you come to Massachusetts because I know a lot of people who’d love to meet you. Sadly, I’m at the other end of the state, the not-Boston end. But maybe I’ll bring my book to BlogHer and find you in the bathroom….
134 Jenny@vegetarianhatesvegetables February 21, 2012 at 2:31 pm: Looking good, Jenny!
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135 whitney February 21, 2012 at 2:33 pm: I plan on pre-ordering it on Friday when I get paid I’m excited!
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136 Victoria February 21, 2012 at 2:34 pm: Thank you so much for posting about the Goodreads contest for your Canadian fans
137 C. Pendergraff February 21, 2012 at 2:37 pm: Instead of cat faces, my brain read “cat feces.”
138 XLMIC February 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm: I’m so curious to know if your signature looks like your name…or if it’s some famous-like scrawl? It’s way easier to give thousands of autographs when it is a scrawl. That’s my famous-person-tip-for-the-day…even though I’m not a famous person
XLMIC recently posted..What I’m Loving Right Now…
139 Bekka February 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm: Seconding, or fifthing or whatever we’re up to now, please please come to London? Because I am a long, long time fan and you were a huge part of getting my beautiful babies their well (yes, Jenny IS a secret superhero in her spare time), therefore I don’t want you to overextend yourself and be miserable – we need you too much. However, if it won’t endanger your physical or mental health, you should come to London. Otherwise, can they hook up a Skype distance book release party or something for us poor foreign dwelling folks? You could host it from the bathroom!!
140 Anonymous February 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm: Pleasepleaseplease come to the Barnes and Noble on Broadway in Tucson, AZ. I work there and would do the craziest of happy dances to meet you (and I’d secretly slip your book into all purchases). I will provide “adult refreshments”. Thanks for being you!
141 Shellby February 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm: Ordered mine! Please come to Vegas. it will make my stalking you wish come true…uh I mean so I can get the book signed.
142 Sam February 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm: This is unrelated, but I saw that this was posted to Facebook first and I glanced at the pictures and I thought it was someone’s fingernails painted with pictures of Jesus.
143 Jen February 21, 2012 at 2:41 pm: The only way you’ll be alone is if you lock yourself in one of those full bathroom stalls where nobody can sneak under or over. In which case, someone wil be outside singing Soft Kitty to lure you out.
144 Liz February 21, 2012 at 2:42 pm: So you Canadians think a little border sucks? I’m half way round the world and I cross my arms, stamp my feet and screw my face into slitty eyes and a cat-bum mouth every day because I can’t get a bookplate . The “Juanita Ferris Beyonce Victor” tales are used to calm crying babies to sleep here. And now I’ve written it, I’m so calling my next dog – live or stuffed – Juanita Ferris Beyonce Victor. Don’t ever get a stamp Jenny.. Keep it real.
145 Keren February 21, 2012 at 2:42 pm: PLEASE come to Seattle!
146 Chuck Baudelaire February 21, 2012 at 2:46 pm: If you come to Dallas, I’ll come to your signing. But you won’t know it’s me. Unless I’m the only one who shows up. Which probably won’t happen. But if it does, it’s me.
Chuck Baudelaire recently posted..My Bent Lent
147 Heartless Harlot February 21, 2012 at 2:46 pm: So sorry I made yous fingers fall of. Next time I won’t pre-order 2,000 of your books!
148 Lisa February 21, 2012 at 2:48 pm: If you come to Chicago – I will be bring all my crazy friends to see you so that you are not alone. and I love kitty faces.
149 Heartless Harlot February 21, 2012 at 2:49 pm: *Your fingers…..Fast brain, slow fingers.

Oops, sorry, I need to be more sensitive, rubbing in the fact I have fingers like that….tsk, tsk.
150 Ayesha February 21, 2012 at 2:50 pm: I don’t think I can reasonably justify a bookplate because I’m only planning on buying the Kindle edition =(
However, if any of your readers would like a cursory promise of a Turkish couch (for a couch surfing) for a copy of your book, I have to no qualms in forwarding my mailing address. I like hard copies. Just saying.
Ayesha recently posted..I’ve been emotionally black mailed into watching Pakistani Dramas
151 e. rainbow February 21, 2012 at 2:51 pm: oh man, i just pre-ordered and i WANT a cat facE!! (elly burian from Madison, WI)
152 CindieLou February 21, 2012 at 2:53 pm: In reading quickly “cat faces” became “cat feces” and I had a moment when I wondered – wow, how good do you have to be to draw feces so well you can distinguish genus & species?
153 Amy February 21, 2012 at 2:57 pm: Can’t wait for your book to come out! It’s been in my Amazon basket for yonks!
Also, I saw this and thought that you might enjoy it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90eip1dsw9c&feature=related
Amy recently posted..Kransekake
154 Shirley February 21, 2012 at 3:00 pm: Please please come to Toronto. Canada needs you!
155 Simon February 21, 2012 at 3:00 pm: Holy Smokes, you are a triptych … Like the Virgin Mary … To steal a line
156 Kathleen February 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm: I do hope I run into you and your kitty face in a bookstore! What a joy. Please wear your curlers!
Kathleen recently posted..Fat Tuesday
157 Shadesiren February 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm: I love this idea. We should be able to legally have a sketch/doodle for a signature. Some doctors already use them, why not us?

How I’d sign with a cat face: http://youtu.be/qEzWztl7nz4
Shadesiren recently posted..Welcome!
158 Brea February 21, 2012 at 3:03 pm: If you come within 50 miles of my town, I promise you will not be stared/laughed at by cashier’s. I will come keep you company and we can go crazy in the bathroom together.
Brea recently posted..Ten Things Tuesday–Derby Girl
159 cassie February 21, 2012 at 3:03 pm: Please tell me that your book tour involves a trip to Los Angeles? Me and my pre order book will totally be there, book plate already in place, to get my kitty face drawing and bring you a small gift of liqour and or xanax (your choice)
cassie recently posted..even more inappropriateness
160 Kira February 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm: OMG, Jenny!!! If you stop near me (Sacramento, CA), I will totally bring my signed bookplate for you to put a kitty face on! I just want the chance to squeeze you and tell you how awesome and inspiring you are!

Oh, and I will totally give you a hand massage to get you through the rest of your signings if you ask me to
161 new mommy confessions February 21, 2012 at 3:04 pm: I’m all for the Kitty faces. Hope to see you in Virginia!
new mommy confessions recently posted..Kagura Japanese Restaurant
162 seemomster February 21, 2012 at 3:05 pm: *kisses Jenny’s poor sore fingers in a big-sisterly-way*
163 Tina February 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm: I so hope your book tour brings you to Chicago.
164 Leslie February 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm: I check here everyday, and have been meaning to preorder the book……..I just went to Amazon and preordered, I mean who can turn down a personalized nameplate? Not me!
165 Elle February 21, 2012 at 3:12 pm: So my bookplate is in that Jenga stack? And the picture is on the internets, so… My bookplate is famous ya’ll!!
166 Jessi February 21, 2012 at 3:13 pm: Lots of your readers secretly want cat feces hahahahaha. I just read through 151 comments just to see how many people read it that way. You are fantastic and I hope you come to the Seattle area or maybe just to my house in Enumclaw…yes that town with the horrible horse story. It wasn’t me or anybody I know so my place is safe. Also fyi, I make my friends participate in speaking the conversations between you and Victor like a play. It’s wonderful!
167 Arnebya February 21, 2012 at 3:13 pm: The alone with pity and disgust…SO NOT HAPPENING. EVER. In fact, I envision hoardes of people, trampling poor little me, leaving me mewing sadly upon the floor like said cat faces (if they were real of course; hand drawn cats can’t mew. Well, they can based on whatever drug you’ve imbibed. And they might be robots. Robocats! Wait, this isn’t going right. Out, voices!).
Arnebya recently posted..Should I? Could I?
168 Farrah February 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm: I can’t wait to get my copy of the book and the bookplate!!
169 Moomser February 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm: If only I was a right-handed dentist…
Moomser recently posted..Big Boy Blues
170 connie February 21, 2012 at 3:19 pm: Good thing wine slushies can be drunk with a straw, no fingers required to hold the glass. What’ll it be, red or white?
171 Heatherduck13 February 21, 2012 at 3:23 pm: YAY! Congrats!!! I can’t wait to get mine in the mail!!! And, I will definitely be at a book-signing if you venture to the DFW area!!! I’ll bring you a cocktail in the bathroom… smuggle it in via the flask I got for Christmas, and we’ll have a party while everyone else waits out in the store wondering where you are! ;o)
172 Teresa Hill February 21, 2012 at 3:24 pm: Guys, here’s a quick, easy thing you can do to help Jenny sell more books: Go here http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Pretend-This-Never-Happened/dp/0399159010/ref=pd_sxp_f_pt
First, click the LIKE button right under the title and Jenny’s name at the top of the page. (I don’t really know what that does, but people tell me to ask others to do it for my books on Amazon.)
Next go about half way down the page and find TAGS. It’s beneath a bunch of covers of what people bought after visiting this page and other books you might lake.
Go to the little boxes next to each tag and check it to say you agree with those tags.
Tags are a way customers can search for books on Amazon by subject and content. I believe the more people who tag a book, the higher the book shows up in Amazon searches. So Tag her book Humor, and she gets to the top of books Amazon recommends for people looking for Humor books. (Although, most will have no idea what they’re getting into, I’m sure.)
Teresa Hill recently posted..Rewriting: It wasn’t Sexy enough or happy enough.
173 nicole February 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm: If you can slip some nudey pics of Bea Arthur in mine, that would be phenomenal.
174 Jennifer C February 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm: When I read the sentence “Instead I’m just drawing pictures of cat faces.” my brain read it as “cat feces.” Strangely, I didn’t find this odd at first and I don’t know if that says more about me or what kind of craziness I have come to expect from you. Either way, I made myself chuckle . . . .
175 Angela February 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm: Thank you for having a contest for Canadians. You don’t just rock, you boulder!
Angela recently posted..Photo of the Day – Feb 15 2012
176 Judi February 21, 2012 at 3:39 pm: Please come to Maine!!!! You might see a moose! That’s all I could think of to convince you! I am a disgrace to Maine!
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177 Stephi February 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm: Seriuosly though, You have to be the cutest thing ever, so I am glad its a three part picture!
178 Miranda February 21, 2012 at 3:43 pm: I just had a convo on Facebook about this with my bff, Amber. And it went like this-

Me~ Don’t forget to visit this site (I posted the link) to claim your free signed book plate.

Amber~ Done!!!! (Psss ::whispering:: what’s a book plate?)

Miranda ~ ?::whispering back:: I have no idea but it’s signed and free so I figured it sounded fun
Miranda recently posted..Magical Penis Rock
179 Plain_ol_t February 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm: Would you believe there is someone already drawing cats for people AND making money at it? ($9.95/cat)
http://iwanttodrawacatforyou.com/
180 Julie the Wife February 21, 2012 at 3:51 pm: Holy Jesus on a Fudgesickle, did you just say Book Tour? Todd “Hot Nuts” Epstein, my taxidermied squirrel, and I will be in THAT line. Presumably drunk. Please tell me you’ll do the signing in a bathroom stall with boxed wine available. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease….
Julie the Wife recently posted..Retraction on Chip and Dale
181 Dawn February 21, 2012 at 3:52 pm: i’ll take a ferris mewler paw print if you don’t get your fingers reattached any time soon
182 Anne February 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm: There is no way you’ll be sitting alone if you come to Chicago. I’ll come and sit with you and we can hide under the table and make finger puppets. Best book signing EVER.
Anne recently posted..State of the Pregnancy: 17w4d
183 Squisha February 21, 2012 at 4:05 pm: Ha, if you just did kitty-faces, you’d quickly become known as The Bloggess Formerly Known As Jenny.

Was stoked to see your book on Audible’s “coming soon” list. So gettin’ it! I foresee co-workers peering nervously into my lab as I work and laugh out loud for what appears to them to be no reason at all.
184 Gill February 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm: Good work!
So I’ve filled in the form, twice. I wanted to explain, but there wasn’t a box to. I ordered 2 copies, one for myself and one for a friend, so I’m hoping for two bookplates, one for each book. Also we live in England (home of the Doctor), so I used my Aunt’s address in MO (She will forward them on to me). So if you think there’s some funny business going on there really isn’t.
Shhhh Junaita. Seiously. Pipe down. She doesn’t need to know about THAT right now.
Gill recently posted..Red Letter Day
185 Elizabeth February 21, 2012 at 4:08 pm: I read part of your post: “Instead I’m just drawing pictures of cat FECES”…any chance of that?
186 Emily Guy Birken February 21, 2012 at 4:10 pm: As a former bookstore employee/cashier, I promise that we’re too busy thinking about our lunch break or sneaking books to read under the register to look at any author with pity/disgust. And also, seeing as you’re awesome, I doubt we’d be doing anything other than looking at you while silently murmuring “We’re Not Worthy!” (And since I have not worked at a bookstore since 2006, I really shouldn’t be putting myself in the “we” category when talking about bookstore employees…I must have a be-aproned bookselling weasel in my pocket.)
Emily Guy Birken recently posted..Finding the Humor
187 Holly Waterfall February 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm: Jenny-I think that the 10 (?) people that read the original post as “cat feces” should get your fingers, or a free book or bookplate or something.
Also, the question mark is there because I am assuming you only have 10 fingers, and I think there were about 10 people who read the post wrongly but I am too lazy to go back and look. At the people’s posts, not your fingers.

Oh, and bring a book to the book signing (get it?) because you are so awesome that everyone will already have pre-ordered your book and won’t need any additional copies. Unless they make new family or friends because if THEY were awesome they would have already counted the number they would need for their friends and family for gifts and pre-ordered them as well.
188 Coco February 21, 2012 at 4:17 pm: To avoid having bookstore owners looking at me with pity, I’ve scheduled my first two book signings at consignment shops. Figured people will show up for the clothes and I can sneak a copy of the book into their pile while they aren’t looking! I wish you good luck but seriously doubt you need it. (…Florida could use a little irreverent humor, she mentioned wistfully.)
189 Pageflipme February 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm: I am SO excited! One of those is for ME. I am choosing to believe that the one in your hand in pic #1 is the one that will come in my book. Yippee! I actually forgot about pre-ordering your book during a busy minute, but when I did remember it was like glitter and chocolate and sunshine ALL AT ONCE. Can’t wait!
190 Misty February 21, 2012 at 4:23 pm: PORTLAND OREGON
PORTLAND OREGON
PORTLAND OREGON!
191 Jenny the bloggess February 21, 2012 at 4:29 pm: Are you getting an error message? Does it give you the form at all?
Jenny the bloggess recently posted..And then all of my fingers fell off
192 gerri February 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm: please come to Louisville ky. we have lovely spacious bathrooms in all of our book stores. plus we are cool with having book signings in the lu.
193 Ceinwenn February 21, 2012 at 4:36 pm: God damn it life is so BLOODY unfair! I’m a Canadian & I live abroad, so I fail on 2 counts! Grrrr, just Grrrrr!!!! (You know Jenny, I bet Wil Wheaton would send me a book plate to the UK! It would be a book plate of him collating paper!) <———— I SOOOO want that!

As an aside Enumclaw – so had to Google that………..eeeeewwww!
Ceinwenn recently posted..World Book Night 2012
194 Sharon February 21, 2012 at 4:43 pm: Hi Jenny,

Is the audio version of your book going to be released through Audible? I hope so because I love the idea of hearing you, reading your book.
And I’m not eligible for a bookplate anyway, since I don’t live in the US. Sigh.

Sharon
Sharon recently posted..Cookie A sock club 2012, January Package, with spoilers.‏
195 Courtney February 21, 2012 at 4:44 pm: I cannot wait for your book tour!
Courtney recently posted..Photo
196 Kat February 21, 2012 at 4:48 pm: omg I would totally love it if you signed your name with a kitty cat face instead!!! plus my name is kat so you could like draw two kitty faces. That would be some seriously awesome goodness!
197 Elizabeth Oala February 21, 2012 at 4:48 pm: OMG! I figured that the “autograph” was going to be one of those “auto signature” things, not an actual signature! You need make Victor go out and by you one of those at home, hand soaking things, with the therapeutic wax. Then, you can plot your revenge with some of the “used” wax…..
198 Melainiac February 21, 2012 at 4:51 pm: At first I read… “And now I will never sign my name again. Instead I’m just drawing pictures of cat feces.”
And I thought… “well shitsnacks, how hilariously unique and appropriate.”

Imagine my disappoinment when my vision cleared and I realized you wrote FACES.
Of course, I am also exhausted & senile at the moment.
199 Joules February 21, 2012 at 4:59 pm: I pre-ordered for that bookplate, yo. But I also have to buy it on itunes because I’m old and my eyes need backlighting. Which means forgoing food for a week. Totally worth it.

Come to Portland and help keep us weird. I’ll buy you a Voodoo doughnut.
Joules recently posted..Pinned It/Did It – Lego Table
200 KristineT February 21, 2012 at 5:07 pm: Just filled out my form! Hope there is one left for me!! Are you sending one to Wil Wheaton??
201 Brigón February 21, 2012 at 5:13 pm: convince your publishers that you need to add Byron Bay, Australia to your tour! pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!
Brigón recently posted..Hello world!
202 Rebecca February 21, 2012 at 5:15 pm: As a bookseller, we definitely feel sorry for people who have events where nobody shows. I severely doubt you’ll be one of those authors.

Any idea when the tour schedule will be posted? I’d be THRILLED if you came to my store.
203 Legotech February 21, 2012 at 5:32 pm: The lady that writes the Carl kiddie books signs her name and then has a stamp made from Carl’s paw that she stamps. I got to pet Carl at a book show once

Also, if you are going to draw funny things on the credit card machines, don’t make the same mistake as this guy:
http://consumerist.com/2009/02/dont-draw-genitalia-as-your-signature-when-paying-via-credit-card.html

Regina
204 Jake February 21, 2012 at 5:34 pm: So it seems my “what do we do if we’re ordering the Kindle edition” question has been asked already. I would also accept a picture of an already-signed bookplate, because there’s no place to stick anything on my Kindle because it’s already dressed like a TARDIS (because it’s bigger on the inside). This is probably the *only* situation in the history of ever that could have made me sad about that.

Also, the aforementioned TARDIS skin, in case anyone wants it/wants to see it (I am in no way affiliated with this shop; I just happened to find this skin and say ZOMGINEEDTHATRIGHTFUCKINGNOW!): http://www.etsy.com/listing/88996754/amazon-kindle-fire-skin-cover-doctor-who
205 bschooled February 21, 2012 at 5:40 pm: Yay for the Canadian contest!

This makes up for the fact that I spent the last two days trying to figure out a way to get a green card because iTunes won’t let me download Season 2 of Portlandia even though I can see it on the list and we still don’t have Red Mango here thus leading me to the conclusion that both iTunes and Dairy Farmers are racist against Canadians.
bschooled recently posted..Rosetta Stoned
206 Valerie February 21, 2012 at 6:07 pm: YOU GOTTA COME TO NJ!!!! And not just because I live here!!! Ok.. Maybe just because I live here…
Valerie recently posted..This Spuds for you
207 Wendy February 21, 2012 at 6:21 pm: My daughter pre-ordered a book for me for Christmas on Amazon.com. Can I get a bookplate too? I can provide the confirmation and stuff.

Thanks so much for the random hilarity.

Wendy
Wendy recently posted..My Kids Say I’m Crazy….
208 alaina February 21, 2012 at 6:29 pm: Must. Order. Book. Immediately.
alaina recently posted..NotsoGood Vibrations.
209 Justine February 21, 2012 at 6:30 pm: I misread that you were going to draw pictures of cat “feces.” I am not sure what this says about me, except that I seriously need to clean the litter box more often. I second Char’s motion for you to come to Boston!
Justine recently posted..parenting: my shaolin crane kung fu style
210 Velvetrose February 21, 2012 at 6:44 pm: But…but…but…what about those of us who preordered your lovely book for our KINDLES?????
211 Rea February 21, 2012 at 6:50 pm: I’m so excited for you book!!! I had the bookplate sent to my mother-in-law’s house, since we’ll be in the middle of an overseas to stateside move and I do not want it to get lost.

BTW, book tour?? They let you sign books in the bathrooms now?? That’s awesome, but what are your male fans going to do?!?
Rea recently posted..Finally a little break from the stress!
212 Jennifer February 21, 2012 at 6:51 pm: Jenny,

Just by the fact that we share a name and you are CLEARLY my bestie (as illustrated by you saying things I wish I had the strength to say out loud.) If you come to Northern California (and for the love of every god known to mankind-please do) I promise to bring you homemade baked goods and fix you my mom’s fried chicken.
Jennifer recently posted..Granny’s Teens Era Wedding Dress (Continued)
213 amanda February 21, 2012 at 6:54 pm: You type really well without fingers. Pecking it out with your nose?
214 Wendy February 21, 2012 at 6:54 pm: This is officially my first preorder of any book, ever. Wait. Maybe the final Harry Potter book, too, I forget. But still, pretty elite group. Can’t wait to read it.
Wendy recently posted..I do not (heart) NY
215 Chelsea February 21, 2012 at 7:40 pm: Instead of a bookplate (whatever *that* is) I would prefer one of your fingers with a cat face drawn on it.
Chelsea recently posted..They’re HERE! T-shirts that are sure to offend many!
216 Mary (the mom, not the kid) February 21, 2012 at 7:47 pm: Come to Fargo! After you’re done drawing a kitty face on my book, you could go visit the wood chipper!
Mary (the mom, not the kid) recently posted..Awh it’s Monday
217 Carrie February 21, 2012 at 7:54 pm: Put on thick red lipstick and just kiss mine. I’m sure you’re hand is tired by now.

Or just kiss’em all to make sure you don’t send mine to someone else.

I know. I don’t have enough shit going on in life either.
Carrie recently posted..I kinda felt like a referee at a never-ending press conference.
218 Keith February 21, 2012 at 7:57 pm: If you come to Minneapolis, I will buy a book on the spot. Even if I have to follow you into the bathroom. Which would be completely inappropriate. Unless you were signing them at the downtown Buca di Beppo italian restaurant. In the Men’s bathroom. Which is decorated with picture after picture of little boys peeing. It’s totally not-pervy, and sadly is not replicated in the Women’s bathroom. But that’s what happens when the first restaurant of a national chain starts in a weird, slaggy basement.
219 Sedge | noob-dad February 21, 2012 at 8:03 pm: A book plate? That’s like something you eat off of, right?

I know nothing.
Sedge | noob-dad recently posted..Man’s Guide to Pregnancy Cravings
220 Brenna February 21, 2012 at 8:28 pm: I haven’t ever pre-ordered a book. I might just have to start! Of course, it’ll make more work for you… DILEMMA!
Brenna recently posted..I’m not suggesting that you go out and get a pet moose.
221 Samantha February 21, 2012 at 8:31 pm: Just pre-ordered and filled out the form so get a bookplate! I was just wondering to myself today if you were still giving those out and then you answered my question for me. I’m going to go ahead and take that as a creepy stalker-ish that we’re meant to be, because I think you would appreciate the creepiness.

But in all seriousness, can’t wait until that bitch arrives in the mail! The book and the bookplate. And if you get a say at all in where you go on your tour, please try to come to Florida, because I will gladly travel to meet you in person! I can stalk more effectively in person.
Samantha recently posted..reveurecrit: "@factsandtrivia: No one in Greece can choose to not vote. Voting is required by law for every citizen who is 18 or older." Glad I live here
222 E M Foster February 21, 2012 at 8:32 pm: Your book is on my wish list. I’m hoping for an Amazon gift card for my birthday again so I can order it. My bday isn’t until April, so I’m not in line for a signed book plate. However, if you make it anywhere near Bentonville, AR, I am soooooooo coming to the bookstore to see you!!! I have a few friends who will willingly come with me because I introduced them to your blog and they too love it!!
223 Sj February 21, 2012 at 8:35 pm: Oh, I do hope you’re coming to Minnesota. I would skip work to come see you. And I _never_ skip work! Otherwise I’d not be able to afford the plumber, much less the new driveway!
Sj recently posted..When All Else Fails….Call The Plumber
224 Brenna February 21, 2012 at 8:45 pm: Oooo, I put in a vote for central Florida on the book tour too! We do get a vote, right?
Brenna recently posted..I’m not suggesting that you go out and get a pet moose.
225 Patricia Noland February 21, 2012 at 8:54 pm: Quick question……I pre-ordered your book for my kindle, do i still get a bookplate? Even if i don’t have a “physical” book? I mean it will exist in the meta-physical, but…….ya know what i mean……LOL
226 Catazon February 21, 2012 at 8:58 pm: Well damn, this cat wants a cat face, not a signature.
Catazon recently posted..Merry Christmas!
227 MoabLynette February 21, 2012 at 9:16 pm: Nice… I pre-ordered the book JUST TO GET one of these, so thank you everso … Can’t wait to get the book, can’t wait to get the book plate – xo
228 sarina February 21, 2012 at 9:17 pm: While I’m extremely sad that I can’t get a bookplate because I live in Canada, I’m still going to order your book. And a box of depends. I figure if I almost pee my pants just reading your blog, the book will completely due me in.
sarina recently posted..Exercise in futility and frustration. Also known as hearing test: part 1.
229 Amy Zdrazil February 21, 2012 at 9:22 pm: Can I still get a signed bookplate if I order the audio version??!?
230 KandiMonkey February 21, 2012 at 9:36 pm: Oh! Oh! There’s mine!! WOOOOOOT!
231 Meg February 21, 2012 at 9:40 pm: I get the feeling that signing your name won’t be an issue if you’re hiding under the sink in the bathroom… just saying, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
Meg recently posted..Birthday Blues
232 Cassandra Faith February 21, 2012 at 10:41 pm: Book tour? Really? When? Where?
233 "Susan Says..." February 21, 2012 at 10:52 pm: Needed: A schedule fo the book tour!
“Susan Says…” recently posted..Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler Means Do Not Eat the Fried Butter Balls!
234 Teresa Gardner February 21, 2012 at 10:55 pm: Yay! A few things…

1) I can’t wait to get my bookplate.
2) I hope I can make it to one of your tour stops.
3) I wonder if the left-handed dentist is the 5th dentist who won’t recommend Trident gum.
Teresa Gardner recently posted..An Ode
235 Danielle February 21, 2012 at 11:02 pm: I assume the book tour will take place in the finest book store bathroom around the country. Also these book stores should probably be expanding there bathrooms.
Danielle recently posted..Food <3
236 janeen February 21, 2012 at 11:08 pm: please tell me your book tour will stop in san jose california. i’ll bring finger food!
janeen recently posted..paper doll
237 dru February 21, 2012 at 11:09 pm: Man, that’s great, now you can get your fingers taxidermied (is that a verb) and maybe have your weasel pretend to have just ripped them off, or stick them in the alligator’s mouth, mmmmm mmmm good. More props. good luck on book tour.
238 Cindy February 21, 2012 at 11:36 pm: You! You are the funniest person I don’t know!
Cindy recently posted..Cindy’s Cupboard Has Expanded!
239 weezafish February 21, 2012 at 11:42 pm: Big congrats to you lady, for the book and for the signings. Oh, and for NOT killing Victor. I’m assuming, of course, is he still with us?!!
weezafish recently posted..Well I Never … No. 3
240 June Clever February 21, 2012 at 11:43 pm: I pre-ordered. Unfortunately it’s kinda hard to use a bookplate on a Kindle.
241 June Clever February 21, 2012 at 11:44 pm: Yeah, I’m posting again because I totally misspelled my e-mail address. Not that it matters but I’m anal like that and, well, it just woulda bothered me.
242 TriGirl February 22, 2012 at 12:10 am: Where’s the 4th picture? You know the one where you are attacking Victor? I expected claws and fangs. And snarling.
TriGirl recently posted..5k Love ‘em or Leave ‘em: I loved the run but I’ll leave the cold!
243 Brett Minor February 22, 2012 at 12:14 am: I used to work for a cell phone company and signed my name hundreds of times per day. It was miserable. I feel for you. You had it much worse. Congrats on being finished. Talk Victor into a hand massage.
Brett Minor recently posted..Lesson in Patience
244 Cheryl D. February 22, 2012 at 12:37 am: A book tour! How fun! I hope you only go to really cool cities!–and the city I live in too!
Cheryl D. recently posted..Just Call Me Grandma!
245 Briar Smith February 22, 2012 at 12:54 am: If you go on your book tour, what are the chances of coming to Eastern KY?? I would LOVE to see the woman who has given me the courage to do things I never thought possible. Thank you!
246 em February 22, 2012 at 3:26 am: I just preordered my book. Well, your book. My copy of your book. That.

Yay! (BTW, the combination of the title and the shape of the pictures made me think the pictures were pictures of press on nails with your picture on them. And that they’d fallen off. Due to all the signing. And now a huge meeting of manicurists was going to have to happen. So glad that’s one crisis that’s averted!)
em recently posted..Question Me an Answer
247 DogsDontPurr February 22, 2012 at 3:42 am: Love you!!
I know almost exactly how you feel….but on a much smaller scale. Every year, my boss has me do her X~mas cards. There’s usually around 300. I have to fold each card, stuff it in an envelope…then address and stamp each one. I feel like my fingers are bleeding by the time I get done, and it usually takes me two weeks. I can’t imagine doing 5000….of anything!!!!

Cheers! I can’t wait to get your book! XxxOoo!!!
DogsDontPurr recently posted..Valentines, Heart Monitor and the Nurse
248 Lynn from For Love or Funny February 22, 2012 at 5:21 am: Best wishes for many, many book sales!
Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted..I need men in striped shirts…
249 Melissa February 22, 2012 at 7:04 am: You’re such a badass!
250 If I were God... February 22, 2012 at 7:29 am: Why wear your fingers out? Use your feet, they’re already bare. Have Victor fill a paint tray with hot pink (or the shade that best says ‘you’) paint on the floor followed by a path of copies of your book. Then just step in the paint and walk down the booky brick road ’till you’re through! To my knowledge it’s never been done before, and your peeps would love it. (because they’re weird -don’t act like you don’t know)

You’re welcome.
If I were God… recently posted..WHAT IF GOD IS CHEATING ON US part VIII
251 missicat February 22, 2012 at 7:33 am: Please please please come to the DC area! When will the schedule for said book tour be available??? I will bring both my cats who will help you sign books, using their cat paws as little ink pads. How can you say no to that???
252 Valerie February 22, 2012 at 7:34 am: So do I also get one even if I pre-ordered it from Barnes and Noble???? You know Heidi got an early edition! So jealous! You should really send her a signed copy. (By the way, thank you for recommending her Girl to Mom blog, she is going through exactly what I am in my life and I absolutely find her inspirational! So Thank you!)
253 Jenny the bloggess February 22, 2012 at 7:37 am: Sure! You get one if you preordered from anywhere.
Jenny the bloggess recently posted..And then all of my fingers fell off
254 Angeerah February 22, 2012 at 7:50 am: Finally. Preordered. Book. So exhausting. I think I’ll have a drink now.
255 Valerie February 22, 2012 at 7:51 am: Oh by the way.. Did you know that Jen Lancaster commented on your book! FREAKIN JEN LANCASTER!!!!! I OWN EVERY ONE OF HER BOOKS AND I’M SECRETLY TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH HER BUT FROM AFAR!!! Dang, I should seriously write a book cause then maybe I’d get to meet you in person and if I’m lucky Jen Lancaster too! OMG! What a great life that would be! FREAKIN JEN LANCASTER!!!!!
256 Ele February 22, 2012 at 8:32 am: Well, I joined the 600-something Canadians vying for the 10 copies of your book, though I wish I could get a bookplate.

Congratulations on signing your Jenga-pile and looking so great while doing it!
Ele recently posted..Comb Jelly Linocut
257 tolly February 22, 2012 at 8:36 am: Totally pre-ordered, but would love to see you on tour, so come to Ohio–it isn’t very exciting, but I know a guy that does taxidermy in his garage and will take you on a free tour!
258 Shanna February 22, 2012 at 8:53 am: I pre-ordered and think I filled the form for my signed bookplate correctly. I just read that cat faces and thought you wrote cat fEces. Yes my contacts are not funtioning properly yet this morning. Love you!!!!
259 Melodie February 22, 2012 at 9:10 am: Trust me, if you come anywhere even NEAR Dallas on your book-tour, I will be there. :I
260 Ginger McPastry February 22, 2012 at 9:11 am: My husband keeps asking me when your book comes out. I keep telling him April, but I think he is excited. We adore you in our house. Congrats on getting all that signing done. You are such a devoted woman, and love the dress.
261 Bodaciousboomer February 22, 2012 at 9:26 am: Apparently with famousity comes pain; but in your case it seems it’s totally worth it.Congrats. If you’re coming to Houston, I’ll make sure to pop by and give your some Alleve for your poor hand.,
Bodaciousboomer recently posted..Getting jiggy wit it or Laissez les bons temps rouler
262 Loditn February 22, 2012 at 9:29 am: While I do regret the loss of your fingers, I am very excited to get a bookplate…I think I see mine in that stack, nope not that one, the one above it…
Loditn recently posted..Mass Effect 3 – Take Back Earth
263 Maria February 22, 2012 at 9:53 am: Banks will probably be confused whenever you mail checks in to them and they see cats on the signature line.
Maria recently posted..I See Dead People…
264 Scottsdale Girl February 22, 2012 at 10:16 am: Imma throw a comment in asking for you to come to Phoenix! Actually SCOTTSDALE.
265 marie February 22, 2012 at 10:17 am: Please include The King’s English Bookshop in Salt Lake City on your tour list! It’s a ROCKIN’ place…
266 Lynn February 22, 2012 at 11:10 am: Come to Albuquerque and I will prepare the Nachos of Love for you!
267 Stephanie C | Seriously? Really?? Seriously? February 22, 2012 at 11:49 am: Honest to gawd, be glad that you aren’t Ukranian.

My real last name won’t even fit on the back of a damn hockey jersey.

Go get the Enbrel! Or delotted! Get ahead of the pain!!

==============================
Stephanie C | Seriously? Really?? Seriously? recently posted..Oh Shit.
268 Ttime February 22, 2012 at 11:54 am: I just got totally excited that you watch The Guild! I am a Wow player so I have been a fan for years. This has just elevated you to almost goddess-like status. Ok maybe more then almost but I don’t want you to get the Big Head, because then you might totally pass up Idaho on your tour. Thinking that its just a bunch of crazy people that live in the desert. Which is it and all the more reason to stop in and hand out koolaid in the cups with cat faces.
269 Chelle February 22, 2012 at 11:57 am: These pictures make me furiously happy cause one of those is MINE! (Sorry about your fingers falling off. Maybe you can borrow Juanita’s?)
270 Anonymous February 22, 2012 at 12:03 pm: Hey, I have Tom Landry’s signature on a football. How much is that worth???
271 roy February 22, 2012 at 12:12 pm: Hey, I have Tom Landry’s signature on a football. How much is that worth?
You trade one of your signed books for it?
272 Sherry February 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm: You are my afternoon coffee break. You pick me up, make me laugh and I feel downloaded enough to finish out my day! Thank you for just being you. BTW…I WANT that dress. Lovely.
273 elizabeth February 22, 2012 at 12:49 pm: I am with Chelle…I’m doing a evil laugh thinking “mine is in there!” Bahahahahahaha!
274 Nancy February 22, 2012 at 1:04 pm: I just pre-ordered the book and signed up for a book plate. The “I was stabbed in the face in a bar in the 90′s” sent me over the top. I was planning to buy it anyway, but now I’ll get it faster.

I’ll add my voice to the list for a Boston booksigning. And since I’ve been known to make a two-hour drive (in one direction) to get to a booksigning, it doesn’t even have to be Boston.
275 Denise February 22, 2012 at 1:08 pm: Ooo, ooo! I can see my book plate RIGHT THERE! Yes, that one is mine!
276 Michelle February 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm: I cannot wait for your book tour! Please come to the Philadelphia area – Chester County Books in West Chester would be great. My friend Jen and I will be there wearing our confidence ponytails and drinking wine. I may bring my pug, he acts like a cat and is awesome.
277 Leann February 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm: Can’t wait – pre-ordered and book tour???????? San Francisco????? Bay Area??????? When will we know?????
278 Ariel February 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm: I’m wondering why Amazon told me that people who purchased your book also purchased star shaped black trivets and red strapless gowns. I mean, the gowns I get, but did I miss an blog on trivets? I’m sure it was hysterical. If not, well, get busy, Jenny.
279 Reesa February 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm: Aw, I am kinda of sad that I am only getting your name now. A cat face would have been awesome!
Reesa recently posted..Carrie (NYC)
280 Kellacious February 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm: Everyone is putting in their requests for your book tour stops. Come to Seattle! Or anywhere in the Pacific Northwest. I will wear a red ballgown to your booksigning!
281 Clare February 22, 2012 at 1:59 pm: You’re coming to Bookpeople right? Because Austin would cry if you didn’t, and I know you dont want that lol
282 Amanda February 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm: Just wanted to let you know about this site…think you would get a kick out of it.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/accessories/9223/
Amanda recently posted..Geek Points = Loot!
283 Jackie February 22, 2012 at 2:05 pm: I read this…and I got really excited…so much so, that I think I pee’d myself a little.
284 carey February 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm: Raleigh NC is a very. cool. city. you can come over to my house for a drink or four, and to meet my cats. and i will feed you snacks.

and thats snacks, like chee-tos or hummus, not like Snacks the Cat.
285 Redneck Hillbillies February 22, 2012 at 2:31 pm: Seriously? You want us to feel SORRY for you because you had to sign 5000 bookplates for your *bestselling novel* ?!? Pishaw! ;p If/when you offer anything to us lowly Canadians, I want a signature AND a cat face.
Redneck Hillbillies recently posted..Gone Squatchin
286 lmm February 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm: Is there a schedule yet for your book tour? I tried to find it on the Penguin website, but it’s too damn slow!
287 Rico Swaff February 22, 2012 at 2:53 pm: Congrats on the book! Looks like things are going well!
Rico Swaff recently posted..My Dad Charged Me $1100 to Shovel My Sidewalk
288 rebecca showerman February 22, 2012 at 3:11 pm: Hooray! I cant wait for my book and my bookplate! And i hope you come to boston! I would like a kitty face drawing lol

love you!! Youre the best!
rebecca showerman recently posted..Where am I?
289 Stacey February 22, 2012 at 3:34 pm: Dear Jenny – If I get your book on my Kindle and bring it to one of your book signings how do you propose to sign it? Thanks. Love, me.
Stacey recently posted..And then I got carpal tunnel
290 dysfunctional mom February 22, 2012 at 3:50 pm: I want to be you when I grow up.
dysfunctional mom recently posted..Late for the Party
291 Jodie B February 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm: Hi Jenny,
I did pre-order you book along with a handful of friends and co-workers. I think I saw my name signed name plate in your pile o’plates.
On that note, I would love to take you up on that drink. I will be visiting Texas for the first time ever at the end of March for a nice long wkend. Can I hold you to that drink or was that just you be gracious =]
Jodie B
292 Denise February 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm: yay! I just ordered and signed up for the bookplate.
293 Sedge | noob-dad February 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm: Now you’re signing at a 5th grade level!

Congrats!
Sedge | noob-dad recently posted..I’m a New parent: No TV, Fast Food, or Tantrums for MY Baby.
294 ali woodhams February 22, 2012 at 5:00 pm: i would totally love one of your signed books, however because i live at the arse end of the world (australia) as usual i am left out of the equation. (me pouting)
295 Nicole February 22, 2012 at 5:20 pm: That won’t happen in Minneapolis, that’s for sure. I’ll be right there to hand you your Xanax and ask for kitty faces.
296 Vicki February 22, 2012 at 5:31 pm: I can’t wait to read it, and tell Victor that wasn’t nice of him LOL
297 Nikki February 22, 2012 at 5:52 pm: I love that dress
298 Keaven Neely February 22, 2012 at 6:01 pm: I have put off preordering your book for financial reasons, but I can’t stand it anymore. I have to buy your book. Screw the fact that we have closing costs to pay on our first home this weekend. I HAVE TO GET YOUR BOOK AND THE SIGNED BOOKPLATE! screw the new house.
299 Lara February 22, 2012 at 6:59 pm: I’m planning on buying the kindle edition when it comes out so no bookplate for me. However if you come my way for the book tour, I promise to come and stare at you with the cashiers. You rock!
300 Eleanor February 22, 2012 at 8:18 pm: You are SUCH an overachiever.
Eleanor recently posted..If THIS can get published…..
301 Lori February 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm: I cannot wait for the book tour, if it’s any where close to Pueblo, I’m errr…- calling in sick- that day
Lori recently posted..The grass.
302 Jessica February 22, 2012 at 8:33 pm: There seem to be an awful lot of people who expect your blog posts to be felinely scatological.
303 Melissa Laundre February 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm: Jenny,
I love the photos.You are the cutest thing since kitty faces. Also, holy shit, wasn’t there some kind of technological way for your signature to be reproduced. Or is that not the cool thing to do when you author a book? By the way, I want your book but I’m poor. When I become un-poor, it shall be my first purchase. One more thing..are you putting out an e version of the book so I can download it to my iphone and laugh hysterically in my bed?! I sure hope so.
Melissa Laundre recently posted..Welcome to the World…Kaitlyn Mae Tassoul
304 quarkwright February 22, 2012 at 11:34 pm: I live in Canada. I entered the contest. I want to buy your book when it comes out, but I want it signed by the author with a kitty face instead of a signature. Now all you hafta do is promise me that you will come to Alberta to do a book signing and that you will make a kitty face on my book whether or not I am brave enough to ask. Or I could just mail you something with $$$ included for return postage and you could mail me an authentic Jenny Lawson kitty face?
305 Jodie C. (mistressmoon) February 22, 2012 at 11:41 pm: Dude,I just found out you’re coming to Blue Willow Bookshop in Houston!! Can I bring my midget cat Mouse and have you sign her? Just ignore her drool please.
306 Rebecca M. February 22, 2012 at 11:52 pm: To drawing cat faces: http://www.iwanttodrawacatforyou.com No joke. Even though it made my friends and I die laughing.
307 Bridgette February 22, 2012 at 11:57 pm: Come to beautiful Milwaukee!! We have beer! And cheese! And a lake!
No, seriously, you should come here.
Seriously.
308 Rebecca M. February 23, 2012 at 12:20 am: Well, it may be the fact that I’m ridiculously tired, or it might be because my brain just stopped working about 3 months ago after having my third boy in less than 4 years. But. I could NOT find an e-mail address or anything for you so that I could send you a message that wouldn’t distract from an actual post on your blog (unless you want to post about this, in which case I might get a huge case of the giggles and start jumping around like an idiot until my husband brings out the sedatives). The message I wanted to send was going to go something like this:

I’ve been reading your blog for a while (much like everyone else), and so I’ve come to a point where I want to be amused by you at every turn of my day. I’ve recently started actually looking for a small dog to add to our family, and I really want to name it something obnoxious and hilarious. Since you leave me laughing almost every time I read something from you, I was hoping you could help me come up with a name for my future pet, whether it be a boy or a girl. I want it to be something long and pretentious, starting with Sir, Lord, Prince, Princess, Miss, Queen, etc. Something that I will have a hard time saying without laughing my butt off, but that isn’t totally disgusting or out-of-line so that when friends/family or ladies of my mommy’s group ask the name, I’m actually able to answer them.

I’m really hoping you find this to be something that grabs your interest and you’re able to help. Thank you so much for all the laughs no matter what, I really enjoy reading your blog!

-Rebecca M.
309 MaraJen7047 February 23, 2012 at 12:42 am: Red dresses at the signings!
310 KK February 23, 2012 at 1:11 am: Hi. you’ll never read this but I need to say this anyway. I am so completely inspired by you that it has become my mission to shower all my brilliant girlfriends with cocks (there are just no metal hens out there — just rooster after rooster, and I can send pictures — Homegoods is my FAV place for dicks). I am a woman who is suffering from some similar afflictions (sad ass hat way to say depression, self-injury, fear, anxiety (my very best friend EVER) and writer’s block (which, from what I can tell, you do not suffer lightly). I also have a man in my neighborhood who advertises himself as Dick the Taxidermist. So just saying. the jokes right there write themselves. But here’s the thing (and there will be pictures coming. We are planning a COCKtail party with all the roosters (here’s the names so far: Jay-Z, Andrew (after my hairdressers’ asshole client, i.e. the big cock), LMFAO (I’m sexy and I know it), and Big Ass Mo Fo (guess you get that one!). Anway, there is a story behind each and every gift of the cocks to my friends, and without you and your insanely divine inspirations, this would never have happened. I know these cocks don’t hold a candle to the original Beyonce, but they have made my friends smile at the shit times in their lives, and this is thanks to you.

I don’t have a blog (YET) but would pay massive amounts of suckage to just get a message from you to my brilliant gfs living through the shit. YOU ROCK. ‘nuf said.

kkroberts@surewest.net

Oh yeah, and will send pics of the COCKtail party. Just too divine!
311 Derek February 23, 2012 at 1:14 am: I just signed up for a bookplate… If I don’t get one I’m going to be upset and will then demand that you visit Fargo on your book tour. Or Minneapolis, that’s close too I suppose. I will then demand not only a cat picture but an autograph as well.

But for now I’ll just ask you nicely to pretty pretty please come to Fargo on your book tour.
312 Lindsey February 23, 2012 at 1:59 am: Can I say how bummed I am that you can’t do PO Boxes? Please let the world know if that changes, as I live in Germany, but have a US post box!!! (I’m still preordering!)
313 Claire J February 23, 2012 at 2:33 am: Maybe you could get your own wax stamp with personal insignia…or make our own signature stamp with a potato? Would save you risking repetitive strain injury…
Claire J recently posted..My Approaches To Solving Problems: “Have you tried drinking more coffee?”
314 London Duncan February 23, 2012 at 2:55 am: What incentive is there for those of us living in (not so) sunny England to buy your book? Apart of course for teh fact that it’s awesome!
315 Jo and the Novelist February 23, 2012 at 3:27 am: If you get sick of drawing cat faces, just take your cat along and an ink pad… Inky paw prints for everyone!!

Are you coming to the UK on your book tour? (oh please say yes!!)
Jo and the Novelist recently posted..I have something in my eye…
316 birchsprite February 23, 2012 at 3:48 am: My order has been cancelled!!! Oh Noes!!!!!! What’s happened?
317 Martha February 23, 2012 at 3:56 am: My order of your book from Amazon UK has just been cancelled :S

Says it is not available here… *flails* What’s that about?!
318 nelliejean February 23, 2012 at 3:56 am: WTF? Amazon.co.uk just cancelled my pre-order because their supplier told them the release had been cancelled! They don’t want me to get a bookplate OR a book!

So I pre-ordered from the Book Depository instead. Suck it, Amazon!
319 Jenny the bloggess February 23, 2012 at 4:17 am: That’s fucked up. I’ll ask my publisher about it but heres my guess. We just sold the rights to a UK publisher and maybe they want to be the ones selling the book? Lemme ask.
Jenny the bloggess recently posted..And then all of my fingers fell off
320 birchsprite February 23, 2012 at 6:32 am: Oh I hope so… I was really looking forward to getting the book, even without a signed bookplate ((Sad Face))
321 Emmaw February 23, 2012 at 8:21 am: Boo – my Amazon UK order has disappeared too, and now the site only sells the audiobook and gives you an option to get them to let you know when it becomes available in hardcover.

Pre-order has gone from My Orders too.

I also wasn’t getting a bookplate but was looking forward to April
322 Ali February 23, 2012 at 8:23 am: Jenny – Amazon UK just informed me your book is not coming out here……not fair!
323 Jessimus February 23, 2012 at 8:46 am: I just preordered your book on amazon…then i got distracted and also purchased a dr. who tshirt and 2 dr. bumper stickers. 1 for me reading “my other ride is a tardis” and one for my best guy friend that says “david tennant is my doctor”. now instead of buying your book for 14 bucks, i have spent $45 bucks on your book and dr who crap. I also decided that my life is pretty freaking awesome considering that the hardest decision i will have had to make today is which dr. who shirt to buy.

ps. i bought the one that says “I <3 <3 DW"
Jessimus recently posted..Abandoned on Thanksgiving – at least I won’t be called a lesbian again
324 Donovan February 23, 2012 at 9:39 am: And now you have another one to do. Sorry about that.
325 Lara February 23, 2012 at 10:07 am: I finally decided to preorder an actual copy instead of getting the kindle edition. Now I can get a bookplate! I feel sorry for your fingers though <3 I hope you'll let us know when those last few hundred are gone, I was nervous that I would miss out.
326 Cyndi February 23, 2012 at 10:17 am: I pre-ordered two, one for me and one for my best kind of f’d up friend who helps make my life as much fun as you do. Thanks for making a bookplate for both of us! It was totally worth it I promise. OH and Killeen/Fort Hood area is a great place to sign your book. I know two people who would line up and we have pretty clean bathrooms here:-)
327 Christene February 23, 2012 at 11:28 am: I really, really, really (with a cherry on top, unless you don’t like cherries, in which case, with something else on top), hope you come to the LA area. I will sleep in a parking lot all night for you.
Christene recently posted..Slipper Shortage
328 Crusty February 23, 2012 at 12:12 pm: But what if you’re Lithuanian?
Crusty recently posted..Things that make me stabby: Ryan Seacrest
329 Jim W. February 23, 2012 at 12:18 pm: I feel like I should know what a book plate is. Because then I’d know whether or not I want one. I think I probably do, but you know. . . to be SURE.
Jim W. recently posted..Little Celebrations
330 Suzanne February 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm: Now you’ve convinced me to buy a paper copy to accompany my eBook version. I want a kitty-face signature, too! (come to Tampa, please!)
Suzanne recently posted..USF Poly Student Voices
331 Claire Gutschow February 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm: Apparently Princess Diana used to soak her hands in ice water after a long day shaking hands with the masses. And prostitutes are known to tie lucky charms around their wrists to ward off wrist injuries (its not called a hand job for nothing)! I guess you could do both – that way you won’t have to choose between the Princess and the P!

So excited about your book. Can’t wait. Well done Jen!
332 Erin_runs February 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm: I’m bummed. I live outside the U.S. AND have a PO box as my mailing address. No signed bookplate for me. I’ll just be happy to get the book when it finally comes out!
333 Monica Vereana Williams February 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm: Promise that you will come to Chapters in Peterborough, Ontario on your tour! My head will explode, and then happiness will ensue; not becuase of the exploding head, but because of the awesomeness of you coming to my hometown!
334 Robin February 23, 2012 at 4:23 pm: When I receive my personally signed nameplate, I will appreciate it all the more given that you sacrificed your fingers just so I could have it. Thank you.
335 Amelia February 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm: i second the request to come to Indy on your book tour … Or Louisville or St Louis. I will find you … In a non-stalking sort of way!

Can’t wait for my bookplate.
336 Dee Dee Vassallo February 23, 2012 at 8:48 pm: PORTLAND, OREGON

Please, oh, Please! I’d love to meet you. I must second a previous poster who said she’d by you a VooDoo doughnut. http://voodoodoughnut.com/index.php.
337 kmkat February 23, 2012 at 9:30 pm: Ohboyohboyohboy, I’m gonna get me one o’ them signed bookplates! Cuz I preordered your book when you first announced it. Thanks, Jenny!
kmkat recently posted..Why do we need libraries? Isn’t everything on the internet?
338 M February 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm: Apropos of nothin Jenny, but you are really beautiful and make me wnt to wear dresses.

Blog on, Texas!
339 Sarah February 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm: Please please please make it to Ohio. This place is pretty fracking boring and we’ve got lots of people that taxidermy shit so you are bound to find something awesome like a taxidermied version of Beyonce.
Oh and I’d like to thank you in advance for my signed book plate!
Sarah recently posted..Perspective
340 Janice Roodsari February 23, 2012 at 10:45 pm: Yay! I’m stoked to get one, I think. Not “I think” because I don’t want one, but “I think” because I ordered one on my Kindle and I’m not sure if that counts….. So….Just because “I think”, doesn’t mean “I am” (sure of anything that is).
341 Digger February 24, 2012 at 4:11 am: I’m sad that those with PO Boxes can’t get a bookplate for pre-ordering. I’m in the Foreign Service and so my address while serving in Estonia is a DPO address (just like APO, only slower and for those of us who don’t get to carry guns). I’m ordering anyway, because you need something to make you laugh when the temp outside is -25 F!
Digger recently posted..How does post make me happy? Let me count the ways!
342 Julie February 24, 2012 at 4:51 am: Jenny! Greetings from here, I have now been all the way to the back and come back up. Archives? Read, check that bastard off the list!

Oops, forgot to say, this is the witchy Julie. Checking in.

Where was I? Oh right, book plates and tour dates. Can’t buy a book, we are sad and poor (cops make NO money!) but I am going to request that my library buy your book and then, when you show up here in Oregon (don’t care where, I’d fucking CRAWL to see you) I’ll just flash my check-out receipt, wave, and smile warmly (but definitely NOT spooky or stalk-er-y).

Okay, now I need to go start on the mom column and that other one…. not the sex one, whichever is left.
Here’s an asprin or tylenol, if you prefer, for your detached fingers. Wait, maybe make that a basket, so you can carry them around.
Julie recently posted..It’s Shallow Out (or maybe that’s just me).
343 Emmaw February 24, 2012 at 8:23 am: Any updates for us UK followers/fans/nutjobs/people that want to buy the book and had our orders cancelled Jenny?

Thanks chick.

Emma.
344 c February 24, 2012 at 10:35 am: I love your dress, and if its not too personal to ask, is there some sort of built-in support or do you have a separate garment providing that? I would love to wear something like that but my breastages are on the larger side (>DD) and I hate strapless bras (and I’m nursing, so I don’t even think there’s a garment out there that fits my scenario).

(I’m wearing a strapless bra under it. I’m not that perky without one. ~ Jenny)
345 Keaven Neely February 24, 2012 at 11:09 pm: I did it. I ordered your book and then put in an order for one of the bookplates. I’m so excited. But I know that in my daily life, I’ll forget I ordered your book. And then it’ll be like a huge surprise to myself when it comes in the mail! YAY. I can’t wait to surprise myself.
346 Christina February 25, 2012 at 9:34 am: D.C. needs you! Seriously. Come to Politics & Prose, 5015 Connecticut Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20008. Pretty please???
*thank you in advance for my bloodstained bookplate*
347 kate February 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm: The “canadian contest” is only open to US residents… just my luck! Lol
348 Lisa Dacus February 25, 2012 at 11:34 pm: Just wanted to say LOVE your dress!
349 trinlay k February 26, 2012 at 6:57 am: You just need a quick cartoon version of Juanita…
350 Joan Ochoa February 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm: I just order two copies. One for me of course and one for my best friend who is battling breast cancer. We are both fans. I figured she could use a good laugh while she is getting chemo. I hope I got placed my order in time for them to get the signed book plates…that would be awesome.
351 Adeena February 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm: I’m just one of many sad Canadians who don’t qualify for the bookplate.

Still pre-ordered, even without the bonus bookplate awesomeness. Can’t wait for it to get here.
352 Peace February 27, 2012 at 9:02 am: I went to a reading/signing by David Sedaris a few years back & he chatted & doodled in the books which is why I have a book with a pooping Halloween cat drawn in a it. True story.
353 Rev Jess February 28, 2012 at 11:12 am: Atlanta absolutely needs you in all your awesomeness. Can’t wait to see the tour schedule!
354 Nadine Buchanan February 28, 2012 at 1:52 pm: So I won the Canadian contest! Yay me! I can’t wait to get my copy.

Thank you Bloggess for being your wonderful self! Can’t wait to read it!
355 Jess February 28, 2012 at 4:55 pm: Please, please, please tell me you’re coming to Houston on your book tour!!!
Jess recently posted..Dysfunctional Ovaries, or The Big Infertile Elephant in the Room
356 Kristen March 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm: please please please say you’re coming to Chicago!!
357 Tracey March 7, 2012 at 2:27 am: ZOMG! I just filled out the form for the book plate, and I’m not sure I put my email addy in correctly. I have 2 separate email accts, and I’m a little paranoid that I may have gotten them mixed up and mashed together. In my defense, vodka and sleep deprivation were involved. I *probably* entered it correctly, but I’m neurotic and I worry about stuff like this… I REALLY hope I did get it right, though. It’s the only reason I pre-ordered hardcover instead of e-book. : /
358 Kady March 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm: dang it bloggess!!! when shopping for your book on amazon, i decided to buy something else so i would get free shipping and this is what you made me do.

http://www.amazon.com/Nintendo-Controller-Pad-Clutch-Wallet/dp/B001PROTQI/ref=sr_1_16?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1331156817&sr=1-16

so i blame you for the new awesome nintendo clutch that i just had to have so i could get free shipping with your book. =)

(my inner geek thanks you)
359 Stacey March 19, 2012 at 7:37 am: I am having an Emergency here! I went and preordered your book but I cant find where to get the bookplate!!! HELP! Are they all gone! I tried clicking on the link and it just takes me to your book info… please help!

(It expired a few days ago. But you can still get your book signed possibly. More on that later. ~Jenny)
Stacey recently posted..Death of a Valley Girl
360 Emac April 11, 2012 at 11:18 am: I just preordered too! I want a book plate?! Who do I need to make hold twine?
Emac recently posted..A state of my heart – from a different view
361 Shelia April 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm: Oh…I really hate to be a bother…I know you signed a bajillion bookplates…but…

I received an empty envelope from Penguin Group (USA). =(
362 PharmToxGirl April 14, 2012 at 10:03 pm: Got mine! was so excited! Can’t wait for the book!!!
363 Celia Piccirillo April 16, 2012 at 8:58 am: Enjoyed every bit of your blog.Much thanks again. Keep writing.
364 Lynn May 16, 2012 at 11:35 am: I was searching for information about creating bookplates for my novel when I clicked on a search result that brought me to this page. I am thoroughly enjoying your humor and your posts. Great writing – Fun reading! Thanks!

And then all of my fingers fell off

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