UPDATED: Go break a law (in a culturally literate way)

This is Banned Book Week and I always suggest reading and passing on a banned book to celebrate it.  After all, if other people weren’t banning books we’d never know which ones have all the best shit in them.  Last week I got an email from someone who said that my book was banned in their library and I was all “I’VE FUCKING MADE IT, YOU GUYS” and I started planning all these celebratory protests, but then it turned out that it was an elementary school library and the librarian removed it as soon as she realized it wasn’t a book about a cute mouse.  But then I started thinking that maybe if we want to keep selling books we should add some stickers to the cover and try a new, younger audience.  I sent a mock-up to my publisher:

Plus, the cover is technically a shade of grey. BONUS, y'all.

PS. I’ve decided that in order to get my next book banned I’m going to entitle it This Library is BULLSHIT.  

In unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up.

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

  • The Bloggess for President.  My slogan is “FREE UNICORNS FOR EVERYONE” because I’m running on a campaign of freeing any captive unicorns that are out there.  Because unicorns should be free.  For the sake of everyone.  Victor says I’m misleading the public with the wording but I pointed out that technically I’m probably the only candidate who will (technically) fulfill my campaign promises.  We’ve agreed not to discuss politics anymore for the sake of our marriage.

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Sex Ed: a Sexual Health Primer for teens/adolescents that covers everything from body image to STD’s to sex itself.  I haven’t finished the whole thing but I wish I’d had it when I was 15.  Plus, it’s crazy cheap.  Check it out here.
********************
UPDATED:  This display from Dolly the Librarian at Middle Tennessee State University Library (encouraging people to read banned or challenged books):

Let's get a little closer...

 

Grey book at the top left.

My day = MADE.

 

182 replies. read them below or add one

  1. 1
    mydogfartswhenshebarks!

    Totally THE BLOGGESS FOR PRESIDENT!!! That would be so AWESOME! You are hilarious, Jenny! We need someone in the White House with a twisted sense of humor. Where do I pick up my free UNICORN?

  2. I’ve been meaning to recommend your blog and book to my friend who is an elementary school librarian.

    Just a heads up, if you’re feeling the least bit shaky emotionally or mentally, DO NOT watch “The Angels Take Manhattan” I’ve been consoling a heart broken 11 year old since 10 pm last night.

  3. There are banned books? Really?! Wow. I think all of them just became my favourite.

    Andreas Heinakroon recently posted The lure of the macabre.

  4. I can’t believe your book got banned. WTF? Speaking of libraries, I saw yours in mine a while ago. Made me happy to see it! Yay!

    Karen Maeby recently posted Maeby got a record player and a Kim Aucremann record. Life is complete..

  5. I work in a University Library – I have, of course, already purchased your book for our collection, but I can go ahead and BAN it for you if you want :P Course, I’d have to get it turned back in…we have a waiting list.

  6. Damn it! I was hoping to be GIVEN an Unicorn, or at least not pay for one…

    As for the banned book that is my favorite, it is still In the Night Kitchen by Sendak

  7. James Joyce’s “Ulysses” without a doubt!

    Robert K. Blechman recently posted Batman Consults Fast, Funny Executive Severance for Detecting Tips.

  8. I know it’s only an elementary library, but I’m
    still proud of you for being banned there! Makes my librarian heart swell w/ righteous indignation for you :-)

    KeAnne recently posted Not Bending It Like Beckham.

  9. Congratulations on being illicit reading material for youngsters!

    I remember when our library banned Shel Silverstein’s “Uncle Shelby’s ABZ Book” even though it clearly says it’s for adults…

    LDiggitty recently posted it's a girl!.

  10. You know what? I’m writing you in for President… and Secretary of State… oh and Waste Management in my county. I once wrote my husband MPH in for that. Of course turns out he wrote me in too. Not sure why we didn’t win, but i’m sure you will! Congrats in advance!

    Queen Of All Things Good recently posted Home Alone.... Look Out!.

  11. First, she thought it was about a mouse?! Oy. Lady needs her librarian certification (or whatever) taken away.

    Second, lady, really, how is that unexpected?! Silly girl.

    Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted Birth Conversations.

  12. Welcome back!
    God. I love you.
    Tribe Jenny!!

  13. Oh man there was a book banned in an elementary school I worked at- it was about a monkey and his penis.. I’ll have to update w/the title.. It was way funny!

    I think you should come to San Angelo and do the ribbon cutting ceremony at the new Rita’s!!! They aren’t anywhere done with it yet- but heads up! ;)

    The Bloggess for President!!!

  14. How funny! I bet that fourth grader was pretty upset. I think VonShnitzel needs a glittery topcoat. That would work.

    Stephanie recently posted Get Angry! This is What You’re Feeding Your Kids!.

  15. Really, it only makes sense to free the unicorns.

    Jaime recently posted Homemade Friday: Adele, 2 years.

  16. BTW My book, Executive Severance, was banned at Barnes and Nobles! And Posners! And at most independent bookstores in the New York area! And at the entire Queens Public Library system! But not for the reasons you might think. (I’m pretty sure that if Borders was still in business it would be banned there too.)

    Robert K. Blechman recently posted Batman Consults Fast, Funny Executive Severance for Detecting Tips.

  17. People still ban books?? In this day and age? lol
    by the way has anyone told you you are a one awesome lady? Sorry i know it sounds a little creepy coming from a total stranger lol….

    Agnes recently posted Toe nails….

  18. I would vote for you in a heartbeat.

    kat rowley recently posted Goddamn Bananas.

  19. You’d be such a better candidate than Mitt. You should take one of those free unicorns and use the horn to toss him out of the race.

    Karen Sanders recently posted BEST Ultrasound EVER.

  20. You’ve got my vote!

    Melissa Lawler recently posted Reel Cash Critters.

  21. Holy shit, THANK YOU for posting the banned books link. It pleases me greatly to know that this is a thing.

    Banana Stickers recently posted Just kidding. Grand theft auto is illegal, and I have morals..

  22. I just ordered a Hustler subscription to my local branch library. The bums are in for a treat!

    Delfin Joaquin Paris III recently posted What’d I Say?.

  23. You had me at unicorn.

  24. There are still Libraries? Who knew!

  25. Thank you SO MUCH for linking my DAMAS post. It means so much to me and I know how much it means to these lovely young ladies who participated.

    We LOVED painting ourselves.

    xoxoxoxo

  26. What’s sad is many of the classic are being classified as non-PC, so they are being banned, or *HORRORS* re-written. I believe you can’t read a cleaned-up version of Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn and still get a feel for the attitudes of the times. If you can’t read a book based on the opinions of the times IN WHICH IT WAS WRITTEN, you will not understand how far we have actually come in society.

    That said, I’m so old that most of the books on that list were required reading when I was in school.

    leslie recently posted Don't Drink And Fly.

  27. Hahahah I’m glad you weren’t banned in a grown up library.

    Mayor Gia recently posted Cursing is Fun!.

  28. Augusten Burroughs is another beautiful mess that I love.

  29. It is one of my greatest ambitions to have a book banned!

    Sam recently posted This Really Grinds Me Gears.

  30. The dictionary is on the banned books list. That’s right, your book is as awesome as the dictionary. Congrats.

    ColdBlooded recently posted Dropping Acid..

  31. You book wouldn’t count as a success until somebody burns it, though…

    Claire J recently posted “Like a ninja on wheels”.

  32. That still counts as getting banned, celebrate it anyway.

    Zena Zee recently posted I Found River Song.

  33. I am so glad you got banned! How fucking cool is that?! I always read to my children the higly subversive banned book “And Tango Makes Three” for banned book week. Celebrating in style :)

    Shawn Walter recently posted It's here already!.

  34. If you need a running mate, I was going to run on a platform of everyone getting their lives narrated in first person by Sam Elliot, but I’m really lazy, so VP would be a better choice for me. Or Secretary of Lying Around on Things.

  35. I, too, am in love with all things Augusten.
    I have read most of his stuff, and for some reason, i have always been able to relate to his sincere brand of fucked-upness.

    Keep doin what you’re doin, girl. We batshitcrazies need a spokesperson.

  36. I owned a shirt that said “Read a banned book” with a list of the top ten banned books (in mid 80s, that is). It sparked a lot of conversations. One friend told me that his high school had banned Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse Five because it was gory and full of descriptions of…a slaughterhouse. I told him what it was actually about, and suggested that either the students had been lied to, or the Banning Department had NEVER READ THE BOOK.

    Imagine.

    Geek Goddess recently posted What are Your Books?.

  37. I would definitely vote for you, especially since I don’t see any of the other guys giving out free unicorns.

    Kristi recently posted Procrastination, grad school style.

  38. If you’re giving away unicorns, can I have this one?

    Courtney recently posted Follow your heart.

  39. This makes me so glad I’ve bought, read, and gifted your book several times. I love banned books. The banning serves to point out that the motherfuckers didn’t read it in the first place.

  40. Banned books are the only books for me. And maybe some classics. The NYT Bestseller list AND being banned in the library…honestly, what can’t you do? :)

    thedoseofreality recently posted Want Your Child’s Artwork To Become Part Of Disney History?.

  41. I actually think it should be “The Bloggess for VICE President”. Because what the world needs is more, well-managed vice.

    ~EdT.

    EdT. recently posted Photo-a-Day: Time to Celebrate!.

  42. The Hunger Games really got me thinking about consumerism and American exploitation of other countries.

    Heretic Husband recently posted An open letter to Doug Wilson.

  43. You may have been banned from an elementary school library, BUT there’s still a whole shelf of books about an ambiguously-gendered pair of pigs named Toot and Puddle who live together and have great adventures in the town of… WOODCOCK POCKET.

    And those little piggies aren’t banned.

    When I Blink recently posted Four Ways To Stop Mean People by Creeping Them Out.

  44. Firstly, being banned from ANY library is reason to celebrate in my opinion, because it means you have ARRIVED. Well done. Secondly, please remind Victor that you are the writer in the family, and that his opinion of your unicorn campaign semantics has no bearing on anything. Thirdly, I wholly endorse your next book title. May as well cut to the chase.

    Rebeccah recently posted Read This Book. Immediately If Not Sooner..

  45. Okay, that elementary school librarian should be fired for judging books by their cover.
    And congratulations on making it to the big-time banned books list….even if it IS from
    an elementary school. BABY STEPS

    Nikki Mohamed recently posted Ermahgerd! Fern Sterf!.

  46. I LOVE that you wrote about Banned Books Week. I did too. It is important to educate and remind people about what can happen to our basic rights.

  47. Well, I read your book this week, which was sort of banned (baby steps). One time I laughed so hard I almost peed, and two minutes later, I cried. I laughed a lot, and honestly it was the first biography I enjoyed. But there were also moments when I was reminded that I am not alone in my weirdness and the other scary things in my head. Thank you for having the courage to share so much.

  48. Great! Now I am the human equivalent of Peter Pan’s crocodile. Ticktock ticktock…
    Augusten is never boring and always makes you stop and think.
    Forget those damn roses, the smell gives me a headache. Instead sit and smell the weeds.

    Melissa recently posted So if I was wearing a shark suit with sunglasses in the desert at nighttime I'd be just fine?.

  49. I kinda wish I hadn’t already read your book, as I’d like to read it for Banned Books Week — even if it was only banned from an elementary school, which is totally bogus, anyway. Little kids deserve to read about dead squirrel sock puppets, too!! Guess I’ll just have to read Of Mice and Men or some crap.

  50. I think only books with more than 600 pages should be banned, because they provide more heat when they’re burned.

  51. Tim Minchin fixes everything. For China. He does it all for China.

  52. What about “Failed Book Week”?
    I’d kick ass with that one…
    Great, no, fucking hilarious mock-up, Jenny!
    By the way, if I could vote, you’d have my support…

  53. Based on trying to read JK Rowling’s newest book, I would think she was trying to get banned. Maybe try another child-friendly author. Hunter P Tomcat perhaps?

  54. LOVE banned books! But remember, it’s not the librarians who ban the books.

    Denise Malloy recently posted The Truth About New Car Envy.

  55. My favorite banned book is by famous childrens’ author Robert Munsch.

    It’s a children’s book, called “Giant” or “Waiting for the Thursday Boat”. Fantastic book. It’s very hard to find, and AFAIK it’s the oly Munsch book that hasn’t been reprinted a zillion times.

    Stephanie recently posted Like I Care.

  56. If I lived in the US, I’d buy every single banned book and recommended all the ones I even remotely enjoyed east and west!

    I would totally buy your edited cover book as long as it was written by you and not by Harry Potter’s mom. You’re way cooler than her ;)

    Cara(Eli) recently posted Silence.

  57. Hilarious. I love a banned book.

    Mom Off Meth recently posted The little things make me feel like a loser..

  58. And a ruffly collar of course…
    You’ve got yourself, like, fifteen different books in one, way to multi-task!!

    BonnyBard recently posted The “Falling Leaves” Monday Listicle.

  59. Jenny, you are awesome!

    Sarah recently posted Banned Books Week 2012!.

  60. My library had a table of banned books to check out last year and I discovered The Kite Runner (http://www.ala.org/advocacy/banned/frequentlychallenged/21stcenturychallenged 2008). I was never sure if it was fiction or a memoir. It’s sad to think that some people won’t be exposed to some amazing books just because someone thinks they shouldn’t read it.

  61. If I had seen a book in the library called this library is bullshit, I would have checked that sucker out immanently. Has to be good right?

    Holly Folly recently posted Jack is Home!.

  62. Have you ever noticed that when you type “What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):” that the ending parenthesis and the colon make a sad face? It shouldn’t be a sad face because you’re telling us about all the cool shit you did elsewhere. That’s not sad; that’s happy!

    Rachel recently posted How Were We Not Kicked Out?.

  63. I am furiously happy that you discovered Calming Manatees! It provides a constant changing desktop for me at home and work. I’m a bit of a manatee fanatic, so imagine my happy surprise when I found the site. Good for you Jenny! You can’t be depressed looking at them.

  64. The Great Gatsby is one of my favorite books of all time; the fact that it’s a banned book just makes me love it all the more!

    Adventures In Readerland recently posted an unwelcome truth.

  65. Come November I’m either voting for you for president or the Rogers/Stark ticket. :-D

  66. I just bought your book yesterday! I was waiting for it to come out in paperbook but I was sick of not knowing what everybody was talking about so I bought all $25 worth. It didn’t even take a book ban to get me to let loose of my hard earned money.

  67. Wow! I read “Running with Scissors” but never heard the author’s voice. Powerful.
    If you have love in your life – you are going to have sorrow….not sure that equation is verifiable….
    I prefer to think that the love in my life will bridge the river of sorrow….
    Regardless – I’m going to hang on to my love -

  68. bloggess for president? oh, yeah. i approve that message.

    monica recently posted What the what?.

  69. I don’t want you to be president because I like you too much. Can we still have free unicorns? Maybe only on Thursdays.

    Robin recently posted Holy CrAp Have I Been Busy!.

  70. I would have to quit the library if they banned your book! But I already had to quit the library because I accidentally stole some books from them (Husband said he returned them, and then they sat hidden under the seat of his car for months, and then he cleaned out his car and lost them), and now I’m afraid to go in. I know I need to just suck it up, apologize, and pay for the books, but I have a panic attack every time I think of getting yelled at by the librarian…

    bunnyface recently posted Real (Lazy Ass) Housewives of Olympia: A Lazy Ass Housewife's Tribute to a Wonderful 1950's Housewife.

  71. I LOVE you! Not in a creepy way, but in the “You are awesome” kinda way. :-)

  72. You are the most fantastically awesome person ever! Thank you for brightening all my days. Life has been so beyond stressful, your posts get me through each day. Something to look forward to. :) Not to be all sappy and shit.

    Bailey recently posted The Joys of Insurance.

  73. My love of reading originated with a list of the ‘Top 100 Most-Banned Books.’

    Wonderful books like Clockwork Orange, Anna Karenina, Brave New World, Lord of the Flies… Basically all of the classics. :)

    Kristen Mae recently posted Defending My Kid Against Douche Canoes.

  74. You need to get some church to ban your book and publicly burn it. Great for ratings.

  75. Have these book-banners not realized that the way to encourage an audience is to prohibit something?! Maybe that was their plan all along? Shiesty bastards! They just wanted to make the NYT best-sellers list without actually putting in the work! Shame on them! Also? Quite genius on their part!

    Shoot for a widely-publicized banning of your next book…you’ll make zillions, and then you can buy a house JUST for taxidermied animals…with walk-in closets, so they can change outfits to fit their moods.

    Shit, I’m brilliant! They need a Nobel Prize for nonsensical ramblings…I’d walk away with that bitch 8 years in a row and then retire because it’d only be fair to give someone else a shot….

    Brea recently posted My Vagina, My Way.

  76. 76
    Stephanie F-T

    I am on page 240 of LPTNH and have put a self-imposed sanctioning on reading more than a half page a day (you know…to make something you love last longer), because…quite frankly, the late Michael Crichton is fighting a losing battle here. I don’t have human children (by choice) but my dogs are what make my life worth living. And although we lost another dog-baby (inoperbale tumor) three weeks ago, the whole Barnaby Jones chapter made me feel like less of a pet-owning psychopath, even though Jesse James’ parting gift to me was 150+ stitches in the face. Yes, Mrs. Lawson… that TOTALLY happened. Love you :)

  77. I remember being 16 and seeing a copy of “The Story of O” and asking what it was about and everyone got quiet. So I went home and asked my mom, and she told me “don’t worry about it, you are too young to read it, it was banned years ago, it’s very risqué”. Well, that was the wrong thing to say. I am a woman who forgets I am cooking dinner, loses my keys, my shoes and even misplaces my toothbrush. But I remembered the name of that book for 10 years and when I discovered the miracle of eBay, it was on. I bought it and read it and reread it! It was a triumph in the face of the words “banned book”!!!
    Now I am thinking of the best ways to convince my teenage son that chemistry is banned, maybe I am on to something…

  78. Ooooh! That means now I can make… I mean have my book club read your book for discussion. I’m supposed to pick a banned book.

  79. After being followed by a double rainbow on a 2-hour drive today I did look around for the unicorns, but the closest I came was a trailer full of llamas driving in front of me (yes – pics of both on my Tumblr: http://stringslut.tumblr.com/ )

    Betty recently posted Friday Faves 09-28-12.

  80. An elementary school library?! Excuse me while I go die laughing.

    Stephen Battey recently posted Megatron has plague face..

  81. “This is Banned Book Week and I always suggest reading and passing on a banned book to celebrate it.”

    I love this!! Totally what I would do too…contrarian to the core. ;)

    Mama D recently posted Not Sure What I Did To Deserve My Mother-In-Law.

  82. I’m so excited for Banned Books Week! I’m taking to my nerdy book blog with a whole week of banned goodness. Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law.

  83. If you ever write a book that gets banned I promise to get my paws on a copy & share it with my friends

  84. Make sure you legally change your name to JK Rowling so you’ll still get paid.
    Maybe JK can stand for “just kidding.”

    Melissa recently posted The Price of Wisdom.

  85. I love that the babble blurb praises JL for helping to “combat the stigma of mental health.” I for one have long been suspicious of the alleged mentally healthy.

  86. Banned Book Week? Somehow that didn’t make it onto my calandar (probably because I never got around to buying one) so thanks for the reminder. Hmm…I think I’ll give Catch-22 a shot. Because not even my innate desire to do what I’m not supposed to is getting me to plow through another Hemingway…

    Mia recently posted If I Wanted Someone to Cut Me Down, I'd Have Handed You the Blade.

  87. I would TOTALLY read “If You Give a Mouse a Cape…” to my kids! Then again, I feel that it’s my duty to screw them up as much as possible, just as my own father did to me when I was a kid. And no, not in a sick pervy way, just with a kick ass sense of humor and appreciation for the bizarre!

    Heather recently posted My Reality – Day One.

  88. This year I’m marking Banned Books Week by celebrating the fact that after four years of fighting, I FINALLY got approval to offer _The Catcher in the Rye_ as an OPTION (not even required reading, just an OPTION) for my honors American Lit juniors. Hooray for conservative administrations! (Note the sarcasm.)

    Maybe my next project will be getting approval to teach “the dead mouse book,” which is how I refer to your book.

    Lara recently posted Six Years of Life.

  89. My husband just said he knows what it’s like to be Victor.

  90. I love the new book cover!

    Cheryl D. recently posted Ode to Spanx.

  91. Am reading your book WHICH I LOVE”. And I don’t want it to end. Finally, someone to relate to.

  92. I think I read stuff that would be banned all the time.. it’s ridiculous what they will try to ban. Next up will be my cookbooks..

    meg recently posted I really don’t recommend it..

  93. Hey Jenny I’ve finished your book, loved it very much thank you very much. I laugh-snorted awake my husband one night.

    Here’s a link to my Angry Song – in case you like it and feel like sharing with your trillions of followers. Thanks. Meg

    http://megoracle.com/2012/09/03/the-angry-song/

  94. That. Is. Plagiarism. They haven’t even TRIED to masquerade that as excerpts provided in the interest of explaining commentary or anything. FUCKING RIP OFF. *gets out pitchfork and torch – the flaming kind*

    Dark Matter Fanzine recently posted Awakening: a movie.

  95. Love Augusten Burroughs. And I have to say it’s quite refreshing to encounter someone equally as passionate about unicorn liberation. Please keep up this vital work you’re doing.

  96. Did I mention the thing about unicorns?

    Angela Weight recently posted How to get that annoying song unstuck from your brain. (How do you?).

  97. Yeah, I would definately vote for you as president (If I lived in the US). Here in England though, we have monkeys running the government, but they don’t have glitter or anything remotely useful. I run a Unicorn riding school on my blog, it’s called ‘The Terry Nutkins Equestrian Centre’ my main pupil base is Squirrels, but if there is a market for humans to join in, I am happy to start classes!!

    Sam Whiteoak recently posted Weekend Adventures And Swine Flu.

  98. Come November I’m either voting for you for president or the Rogers/Stark ticket.

  99. Good advice from Victor. Stay out of politics lol.

  100. Congratulations on your banning!

    Amanda recently posted that time I went to Europe: part one - Barelona.

  101. Well, like I always say, You haven’t made it in life until you have been on at least one banned list.

    I feel so political. Maybe I should go burn my bra or something.

    Jessica recently posted My Interview With A 2-Year Old.

  102. I LOVE banned books! Judy Blume – most banned author ever. Also my favourite author from when I was a kid. Woop!

    Kaitlyn recently posted Cultivating wisdom.

  103. At the library where I work I’ve been trying to convince people to celebrate Banned Books Week with a game of Banned Books Jeopardy. I’ve even written a Jeopardy program with answers (since in Jeopardy you have to come up with the question) and all I really need are three contestants and some scorekeepers. I’m even willing to host it. Okay, I really, really, really want to play Alex Trebek.

    Also Let’s Pretend This Never Happened is now owned by over a thousand libraries. Odds are one of them is going to ban it sooner or later.

    Christopher recently posted The Ant In Winter..

  104. What BETTER way to get kids (ok, all people, really) to read than to label a book as banned for whatever reason? Ha! When the Catholic church tried to have Harry Potter banned and spoke out so vehemently against it, JK Rowling became a bazillionaire. Yay you for getting LPTNH on a naughty list. :)

    Jess recently posted If it's NOT "The Count of Monte Cristo" I have no freaking idea..

  105. FInally, some motivation I can use to post my own material…the desire to be banned.

    Childishman recently posted It wouldn’t be a trip to the Mountains without Rubber Chickens, Government Contracts, and Stromboli.

  106. I am always encouraging my students to read banned books. They are always the better, more imaginative ones anyway.

    Amanda recently posted You hear the randomest things when you camp alone.

  107. WTG, Jenny…Keep striving for the top! (banned or not….)

    Alli recently posted Get ready - It's Bacon JAM!.

  108. 109
    mydogfartswhenshebarks!

    AWESOME! Your book is like the CROWN on that display. Way cool for Jenny! Banned books are always the best ones to read. I remember reading “The Last Tango In Paris” when I was in high school. I don’t think it had been banned yet, but I was reading it while hiding in my room so my mom wouldn’t see me reading such “smutt.” She never did find out! And to keep my ass covered, when I “caught” her reading it, I made that horrible gasp sound as if to say “shame on you.” :-)

  109. I have always derived the greatest of enjoyment from banned books.

    On a related note, Hysterical Literature is an interesting video project that is VISUALLY suitable for work but AUDIBLY very NOT suitable for work.

  110. I’m thinking something a little more Beverley Clearly might work even better, like Runaway Ralph, the Vegas Years, or Vampire Ralph, or Count Ralph and the Bloodsucking Zombies. I’m sure Miss Clearly won’t mind.

    The RB

    TheRealBarman recently posted Siri and Me.

  111. Did you do a reading for Read Out Loud? Would sure love you to share it with us!

    Renia Carsillo recently posted The meaning of Mommypreneur: Show your pride!.

  112. 113
    Emily Fowler

    Please let Dolly the Librarian at Middle Tennessee State University Library know that we think she, and every other librarian celebrating banned books week, is awesome.

  113. bitches be crazy if they ban your book.

    natalie recently posted I'm cute...but that's about it....

  114. I would love to add your book to our Banned Books Week display but there are still 45 people on the waiting list.

  115. I agree with leslie – rewriting a classic to make it more PC is horrible. Books are a product of their times and the voice of the author. Editing out injustice or cruelty doesn’t mean it never happened.

    As Edmund Burke wrote, “Those who don’t know history are destined to repeat it.”

    Kudos on writing a banned book, even if it was an elementary school. :-)

    Sue recently posted It's not a rut, it's a routine..

  116. You have become the definition of cool. My oldest grand girl had her best friend over the other day and your book was out on the counter in the kitchen. The girls are both eight years old. The friend picked up your book and said, “Hey, my mom has this book and she laughs really loud when she reads it.” My grand girl replied, “Hey, Mom, Alora’s mom is one of you guys!” Awesome!

    Anyone out there who wants to be part of our circle needs to read Jenny.

  117. Absolutely hilarious, and absolutely true!!!Great way to start Monday!!! :-D

  118. All good things! Congrats on sort of being banned! Love the CSM cliffnotes.

    Jill recently posted Daddyism #1.

  119. Hi! I already left this link on your Facebook, but I really think you need to know about this mummified cat slam-dunking a mummified bird that was for sale on eBay. In fact, I’ll be surprised if you haven’t purchased it already. I linked it in the website part.

    And side note, I am SO excited about your book! I’m a huge :)

  120. Congratulation! All the best books are banned….

    Synnove recently posted Vomit and Cake Gladiators.

  121. The American Library Association supports Banned Book Week. They even have bracelet charms with the covers of banned books. You’re more likely to get banned by having a cover that says “bullshit” than for saying the library is bullshit. A lot of book banning is from outside pressure from patrons who want the books banned and will go out of their way to make sure the books “disappear” if the librarians hold their ground. And then it becomes a question of “do i spend this money on replacing this book knowing these protestors will make it disappear again” or do we buy something new that might actually be used. It’s a sad state of affairs.

  122. As a good catholic girl who ignored the teachings I thought were stupid…if the church said don’t read or watch something I said…can’t wait too! lol.

    Jenn recently posted A Transgendered Ghost and Lunch.

  123. You have arrived, girlfriend!

    Natalie the Singingfool recently posted A Very Merry Un-Birthday TO ME!.

  124. I love your wrap-ups and stuff you missed. And that your book is banned? Awesome! I need to write a banned book too now! I am jealous! ;)

    Theresa recently posted Monday Mommy Memories - Explosions!.

  125. This is fantastic! Congratulations on the book ban!

    Somehow, that sounds far more weird in print…

    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted King Kunter.

  126. I just bought Augusten Burroughs’ book – thank you… for some reason (duh) it never occurred to me that I could end this life… and start a new one… I needed to hear that today. XO

    Janet NZ recently posted Moroccan Beetroot Salad.

  127. 128
    booksnboats

    Coming from a library director, if you named your next book “This Library is BULLSHIT”, it would make me order extra copies:)

  128. Well, Jenny, congrats. Not only did you manage to make me laugh, you made it to yet another list of accomplishments! While your list is full of wonderful achievements mine is full of idiots at work yelling at me and, as of late, assaulting me (good times); my BFFs cancer getting worse to the point that she’s taken to not talking to me to “spare my feelings and prepare me for the inevitable” (horse shit); and the only fun that I was having, my latest boytoy went far to the left (freaked out) on me because he couldn’t handle the fact that I am a woman that loves men of all ethnicities and he couldn’t handle it. What the hell?

    I need my Xanax, a bathroom and a martini STAT.

    But I’m very happy for you!

  129. MY HUSBAND TOTALLY GOES TO THAT SCHOOL!!!!

    Also, I’m definitely voting for you for president

    keaven neely recently posted Buried Alive.

  130. YAY!! My picture made The Blog! I can’t tell you how happy both your book and this post make me!

  131. 132
    counselorTN

    Hey, that’s my alma mater! Cool!

  132. So glad to see you are the top of the heap, A #1…these little town blues, are melting away.

    Sorry…just broke out the top hat and kick stepped across the floor. Your book is fabulous. Obviously these people have a broken fabulosometer. Blagards.

    TPPC.tv recently posted Our Pet Radio Show this week-Pets Teach Us So Much 66, Are Pets Furry People?!.

  133. I just finished your book last night! It was so amazing! I’m pregnant right now and have been super worried about miscarrying, so I have been really stressed out/crying/crazy lately. My husband bought me your book because he noticed every time we went to a book store I looked at it longingly. He says he’s really glad he did because I read him my favorite parts, which he loved, and I kept randomly bursting out laughing all weekend. Thanks Jenny! And congrats on the banned book!

  134. My public library has your book and I have had it on hold since the book was released and it’s finally my turn! Yay!

    Clip Snark recently posted Clip Art Storytime – Detective.

  135. How much would it cost to be my friend? We could work out the terms….weekly emails or texts, a few pics a month….seriously….I’m open to ideas.

  136. and by the way…I bought your book.

  137. and I bought my friends your book…and I dropped a copy by the local library…but I’m in Austin, where nothing is banned….so they just looked at me with a blank stare…I tried to convince them it was contraband…they didn’t buy it….but they took it.

  138. I’m sure your book might be banned somewhere, when they read it in the high schools in the Bible belt…rest assured…

    melissa wye geraci recently posted the path.

  139. You’ve got MY vote!! Jenny Lawson for president!!!!

    Devon recently posted Fire In Ice by Devon Stewart.

  140. No no no… You are NOT allowed to post links to things that make me cry. All those adorable photos, and that young lady, and… well, all those calming manatees.

    Linda M Au recently posted MammoWriMo?.

  141. I’ve always had a love hate relationship with Banned Book Week. I understand the importance of literature and love to share in its enjoyment of all varieties. Banning books rarely does much (in this country) except push the book to the top of people’s thoughts and make them want to read it all the more. I mean I’ve got 9th graders who are talking about 50 Shades of Grey in only slightly hushed tones, more than likely because they heard someone else talk about how scandalous it is.

    On the other hand, I feel like the movement to stop censorship gets co-opped by people who don’t want to show any sense of appropriateness for a venue. I know for a fact that there are parents who would happily champion putting 50 Shades of Grey in the public high school library because “hey, the kids are reading.” They’re the same moms who are happy to see the Hunger Games in the middle schools, same reason.

    Welcome, though, to the banned books club. Does having a librarian refuse to stock a book count as getting banned? Our media specialist only put mine in the high school because she felt it was too mature for middle schoolers….

    Rob Osterman recently posted Short Story: "Another First Date".

  142. The best thing is that in order to put a copy of your book on display as a “banned” book, they had to buy a copy. Wouldn’t it be great if ALL the libraries bought a copy just to display it as a banned item? Might do wonders for the sales figures…

  143. 1.) I was gratified to see I have read a good number of banned books. Thanks Mom!
    2.) I am writing you in on the ballot, then adding “for The Bloggess” to my I Voted sticker.
    3.) I am a little bit in love with Augusten Burroughs. Also, he helped me quit smoking. True.
    4.) Happy Belated Birthday to Victor.
    5.) Hope your p0rn ear is better. Or was it both ears? Either way, get better (P0rn Ears.)

  144. just had to say how happy i am that you’ve been banned.
    also, i found this inflatable unicorn horn for cats and gasped aloud, and the leather man looked at me like “did you sit on something?” and i said ‘ohmygod i have to send this to the bloggess” and did so immediately before one of the herd comes in to distract me from this Most Important Mission.
    because somehow, i knew they’d made it with you in mind. or hunter s tomcat anyway. or you’d at least appreciate it’s weirdness somehow.

    huzzah for the internets, as it brought me inflatable unicorncat horns, and you.

    hope you have a smashing rest of your week. meaning wonderful, of course, but if you feel in a smashy sort of mood i hope you get to smash some stuff because that would be perfect therapy.

    jen recently posted ravenwolf - Nika's Wicked Bag of Sexiness - elkhide and deerskin leather purse - MADE to ORDER - this bag is a style example by twistedtreestudio.

  145. also, please note, the advertisement for this wondercathorn boldly states “cat’s LOVE it!!”
    and i just have to say, that cat looks like he’s lovin’ it, doesn’t he?
    totally looks like he’s having a kitty ball. don’t they know anything about advertising?
    now, if they’d had a picture of your hunter wearing it, doing hunter things, THAT would have looked like a cat loving being a unicorn.
    but this just looks like a cat who’s really really pissed off that you’ve publicly humiliated him and will be paying you back in spades when you least expect it.
    good thing that was probably a hired cat and they didn’t have to bring it home that night.

    jen recently posted ravenwolf - Nika's Wicked Bag of Sexiness - elkhide and deerskin leather purse - MADE to ORDER - this bag is a style example by twistedtreestudio.

  146. In other news, the moms club I joined was not a fan of the book (their panties get in a bunch just from swearing – what the fuck? really?). Anyway, shortly afterwards I realized that I joined a moms club and made fun of myself for 43 second, and then, cried.

    Kelly @ In the Mom Light recently posted How Having a Baby Affected Our Marriage.

  147. Life is too short to read all the good books on this planet. So just read the banned ones. So sayeth the Lord….

    Whorrified recently posted WHAT'S YER HONEY BOO BOO NICKNAME, SWEET PEA?.

  148. You’ve reached the literary pinnacle – being banned. You Rock! Call your next book “Kiss My Ass.” That oughta do it.

    Denise Malloy recently posted It’s October – Get Your Mammogram.

  149. I want the revamped version of your book. I’ve got a great-nephew I could read it to, and I’m sure I’ll have at least one grandkid before I die.

  150. Holy shit and hallelujah — you’re BIG time! Woop woop, baby!

    Laura from Fargo recently posted On Healing.

  151. I am writing in THE BLOGGESS this election…if that is allowed. It’s my first election voting for POTUS in a different state, I don’t know if that might make the state of WA blow up. Ranier my spew lava with or something. Then your new catch-phrase can be, “I broke the electoral process, y’all!” It totally works!

    Jaime recently posted The Post in Which I Get Assaulted and Oily...or... Waxy?.

  152. 153
    Lady Penelope

    Ooh – have your book wrapped in plastic; a sure fire way to get them banned and then bought!

    I bought Brett Ellis’ ‘American Psycho’ cos it was wrapped in plastic sitting on the shelf in the book store.
    I. Couldn’t. Resist.

  153. If you give a dead mouse a fancy outfit…
    He’ll want to be propped up.
    And if you prop him up, chances are – he’ll think he needs a sword.
    And if you give him a sword – he’ll remember how he died.
    When he remembers how he died – he’ll want to lie down.
    You’ll have to make him a mini, dead mouse coffin.
    And when he gets in the coffin – chances are, he’ll want a fancy outfit.

    Kim @ The Family Practice recently posted Its Not All Unicorns and Rainbows.

  154. Lady Penelope, that is a very good piece of advice!! Do you think that perhaps posting a warning to the front of my blog posts would attract more interest in a kind of ‘Don’t read this! (but I really want you too..)’ kind of way?? Because in the absence of being able to write anything clever/witty/worth reading, I am willing to take any suggestions.. lol

    Sam Whiteoak recently posted Spam with Lemon Zest.

  155. augusten burroughs is not only my favorite writer, but he’s kind of my favorite person ever. it made me squeal to see that you love him too!

  156. How fantastic it is to see that your book has affected people sufficiently that they’ve become blindly enraged! Brilliant! Well done on the banning. :) I am giving your book to almost every one of my friends around the world for their birthdays this year. I usually prefer a bit of individual selection for presents, but because your book is full to the brim with stories about pretty much everything important, your book is perfect for all of my friends for one reason or another. Thank you!

    Not being a United States’ citizen, but instead a world citizen watching the upcoming US Presidential election with trepidation, I thought I might try and actually do something useful to spread the word about just how impressive I consider President Obama has been over his term. I thought you might be interested in sharing the following site on your blog and/or even contributing! I felt quite a bit of hope reading through the reasons so far. http://90days90reasons.com/

    Hope you and Victor and Hayley and Hunter are well and frolicking blithely at all times. :D

  157. I guess I’m weird…I would *love* to see a book about your critters hit the stores. As in fiction where they all get up and do things. Dance around in clothes and bite things. maybe set it in your haunted dollhouse.

  158. Hahaha! That is Awesome! Yes, you truly know you have arrived when someone bans your book!
    I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
    I find it sad that books are banned at all, really. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want 59 shades of grey showing up at my local elementary school or anything,… But what does it have to be “banned”? Can’t it just be only stalking books that are age appropriate?
    And then for the places that do ban books regardless of age considerations,… What’s the point? What happened to the freedom of speech? If you truly don’t like a books topic,… Don’t pick it up. Don’t read it. Done.
    If we keep banning books because we don’t care for the content before too long we’ll be setting fires to them instead…

    Heather recently posted How to Turn Down Horny Straight Men.

  159. You book is hilarious. I hate banning books. But I can see what you thought you made it! There are some amazing banded books out there.

    Corey Feldman recently posted Egret the Elephant – Ebook available on amazon now!.

  160. I have a confession I would like to make, right here on The Bloggess….The person who has been traveling to Costco’s all over the California Coast, and putting little notes in all the Fifty Shades of Grey books that read “This is NOT what us Kinksters do, people! Go get The Beauty Books by Anne Rice and put this kindergarten, wanna-be soft core porn, down now!”,….. is Me. I shall now face my punishment. He he he, I said “Punishment”.

    Dr Brassy Steamington recently posted Steampunk Locket with Gears- Cognition Frozen in Time - Necklace in Ox Brass by Dr Brassy Steamington by DrBrassysSteampunk.

  161. Your book is the “To Kill A Mockingbird” of the 21st century! Only, your dead mockingbird is taxidermied and wearing a dress.

    Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted Reality Bites.

  162. Banning books makes about as much sense as banning big sodas. Making something off limits….oh, that doesn’t make it appealing at all.

    Barbara recently posted Half Caff and Latte Discover The State Fair.

  163. I am so glad your book got banned! I just finished reading it…I bought it for my Kindle, and now I’m pissed off, because if you ever come to Cleveland, well, you’d have to sign my Kindle. Anyway, really loved the book; and now I can say I’m cool, because I’ve read a banned book. Really didn’t care about any of the Jack Kerouac books, so although I tried reading many of the banned ones, they were just BORING. I guess that makes me a loser? But your book was really good, and I’ll read the next one. So you have to get THAT ONE banned too; so I’ll have something cool to talk about at dinner parties. Which shockingly, I don’t get invited to.

  164. At least you have your place of honor there. Stand Tall and be counted!!!

    Alas, you have indeed arrived. Good on ya!!

    TheFeelGoodDepot recently posted Tony Romo Impersonates a Chicago Bear @ The Feel Good Depot.

  165. 166
    Michael Weil

    I just wanted to squee a bit over the subtle Doctor Who reference in the Christian Science Monitor link. So, um. Squee!

  166. Okay, so I’m feeling a little righteous here…like I’m the bigger Bloggess devotee. Did no one see the gorgeous Jenny in the video link to Alison’s DAMAS presentation? You are the coolest, then and now.

  167. Bloggess for President. Tim Minchin for Vice President (I got this, he live down the street from me, kidnapping party anyone?) and Amanda Palmer Secretary of State. And I nominate myself for treasurer…they take credit cards right? Does that mean I get frequent flyer points? In that case…SCORE!

  168. Thanks for featuring the MTSU library display. That’s my alma mater!

  169. I bought your book!!! I was browsing through the bookstore yesterday and lo and behold it was sitting there on the shelf. Maybe I seem surprised to have found your book in a bookstore?? Well, I just wasn’t expecting it to be in a bookstore in South Africa! I did not know you had gone international so fast! Yay, now I have something to read.

    Vannessa recently posted The roof is up!!!!!!.

  170. I wish I had your book in my library to ban! however, one of my friends used an essay of yours in her english class. So, the opposite of banned. never mind.

  171. I wish I had your book in my library! I’d put in my banned books display. Just for you. A friend of mine did use an essay of yours in her english class. So, the opposite of banned. Never mind. ah well.

  172. Wouldn’t it be nice if they started banning books because they’re fucking TERRIBLE?

    Twilight. Fifty Shades of Grey. Twilight. Twilight times a million.

    Rai recently posted The Great Gnat Battle of 2012.

  173. A) How much effort would it take to read the book description to realize it’s maybe not appropriate for an elementary school. That librarian should be fired for judging a book by its cover.
    B) You absolutely SHOULD name your next book “This library is bullshit!” Coming from someone whose library really is bullshit, I’d buy it just for the title alone. Actually, I’d buy two, and send one to my library.
    C) I’d 100% vote for you because you rule, and also I wants ma damned unicorn!!!

    Katie recently posted Chit Chat.

  174. Just read this Letter of Note written by Pat Conroy after two of his books were banned, in which he says “book banners are invariably idiots”. Thought you might appreciate it. http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/10/book-banners-are-invariably-idiots.html

  175. All I want to say is that I love you, and have read your blog faithfully for several years. And that I am beyond pumped because MTSU is my alma mater!

  176. Please make a book jacket of If You Give a Mouse a Cape for sell so we can outfit our copies of LPTNH. I would so risk a criminal investigation over my purchase of 8# of uncut cocaine for a kick ass jacket like that :0)

  177. I love the book pile, very cool!

    melissa wye geraci recently posted More than a rock.

  178. That’s my school! That’s MTSU, where that book pile is! I’m so excited!

  179. In the 25 Bloggers Who Are Changing the World article? I love how it says you “help combat the stigma of mental health.” I, too, come from a family where mental salubrity is considered bad form.

  180. Wait…is that Goosebumps and The Witches?! My head exploded after I saw that.

    I remember my 2nd grade teacher reading us The Witches for story time.

    What is this world coming to…

    I should start a library filled with nothing but banned books so that when I have kids they can read some real book (ok…Goosebumps is debatable here…but they were a childhood classic!) instead of the PC crap that fills the rest of the libraries.

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