So, really, this isn’t a post. It’s just me reaching out into the universe so that other people aren’t as alone as I was when I realized I was part unicorn.
Every night I wash my face and examine it to see if I have any new wrinkles. This isn’t OCD. It’s just part of being a girl. With OCD. So, last night I washed my face and checked it carefully and it was normal and then this morning I woke up and found a three inch white hair growing out of the center of my forehead.
What the shit, y’all.
It was totally not there yesterday and today it’s there. So I started to think that maybe Victor glued it on to my forehead in the middle of the night just to be a dick but I don’t want to ask him about it because THERE IS A THREE INCH HAIR GROWING OUT OF MY FACE AND THAT IS NOT SEXY. So I pull it out with tweezers and I go to look on the internet for “fast-growing white hair” and turns out that there are a lots message boards (lots = more than two. Specifically, three.) about people who woke up with long white hairs growing out of them and about half are growing out of the middle of their foreheads. Which is a really weird coincidence.
And, yes, I remember my great grandma having those old-lady chin hairs but this is not that, let me assure you. It’s a giant, white hair growing out of the center of my forehead. And then I started thinking that horns are made out of the same thing that fingernails and hair are made of and maybe this is just the way I turn into a unicorn. So it was probably just a very limp unicorn horn. The bad news is that I freaked out and plucked it before documenting it in a picture but the good news is that according to these message boards these white alien hairs frequently come back out of nowhere so if it happens again I’ll totally take a picture of it.
Anyway, this post is just to say that if you got here looking for “HOLY SHIT WHY IS THERE A THREE INCH WHITE HAIR ON MY FOREHEAD?” you are not alone and you might be turning into a unicorn.
You are welcome.
PS. Please tell me something weird about your body so I feel less fucked up in comparison.