Conversation with Victor:
me: I FOUND A MAILBOX FOR US.
Victor: We don’t need a mailbox.
me: And yet I still found one. It’s like a goddamn Christmas miracle.
Victor: Yeah. You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.
me: Miracle? It means “A person or thing that is a marvelous example of something.” I fucking dare you to find a more marvelous example of a metal chicken mailbox. It’s the Beyonce of mailboxes.
Victor: I’m taking all of your credit cards.
PS. I did not buy Miracle (the metal chicken mailbox) mostly because Victor accidentally quoted Princess Bride and it made me fall in love with him all over again. And also because I felt bad about all the dead mice that I’d bought on ebay that morning. Victor was not nearly as grateful as I thought he’d be because apparently Victor doesn’t understand how “compromise” works. And also because he hadn’t been aware that I was buying a lot of dead mice on ebay. And also, possibly, because he may have overheard me put an unnecessary metal chicken mailbox on layaway. Honestly, it’s hard to tell with Victor. That man is completely unpredictable.